Someone Asked People Who Are 40+ To Share Their Best Advice For People In Their 20s, 30 Deliver
Throughout life, we naturally pick up small pieces of wisdom to put into our arsenals of experiences. From more practical tips like "eat mindfully" and "exercise every day" to corny but deeply universal truths — "stay true to yourself". We always keep an eye out for ways to improve the quality of our lives. Eventually, looking back on the decisions we’ve made, most of us uncover valuable lessons about how to make life more joyful and less problematic.
Unfortunately, far too often, the learning comes too late to prevent painful mistakes and wasted time and effort. Though we don’t have a time machine to take us back and help our past selves, we can at least offer these little pieces of advice to anyone willing to listen. So two months ago, Reddit user morningperzon did precisely that when they asked folks over 40 if they had any pertinent words of wisdom to pass down to people in their 20s.
The comments were immediately flooded with tips and habits from the older generation to give twentysomethings perspective on what's truly important. We at Bored Panda have gathered some of the most enlightening responses from the thread, so we hope you enjoy and get inspired. Be sure to upvote the replies that resonate with you, and share your insightful advice in the comment section below!
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I'm 81 and I really can't distill it down to one thing so here goes:
- Be yourself. Stop trying to live up to others' expectations and do your own thing.
- Get moving! Whether it's bike riding or walking or a gym membership. Just move.
- Eat healthy! Yes, those fast food fries and burgers are easy - but - you will pay for that some time in the future. Start eating healthy so it becomes a habit.
- Be kind to people. If everyone did this, imagine what a world we would live in!
- Become politically active. Support honest, progressive candidates in whatever way you can. And VOTE! F*****g VOTE!
Hugs from Gma.
I'm going to reply to these in order of importance. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. But feel free to reorder them to your preference.
Vote for the same people who promised that this time they're going to do what they promised the time before, or vote the other guys who promised the same thing only they both ended up doing what the people who sponsored them wanted them to do. But this time it's gonna be different.
Pay less attention to what people say, and more attention to what they do.
I feel like you can pay attention to actions AND words. For example: some people might be verbally abusive and then act like the most innocuous beings(narcissists).
I could be wrong, but I feel like this quote from Maya Angelou fits here. People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.
Don't be afraid to do things by yourself. Go to that show, see the movie, take a day trip. Don't miss out on opportunities because no one will go with you.
This! Nobody thinks you’re a “loser” for going to or doing things on your own.
And anyone who does isn't someone whose opinion is worth worrying about
Load More Replies...I love doing things on my own... I'm currently in a bar, by myself, watching the world go by. It's lovely. It took me years to be comfortable in my own company, but now, I love it!
That's actually how you meet people is by going alone. Because people will see you alone and ask you to join their group.
You must have a friendly face. I am often alone at places, and have never been invited to join any group. Though I have had a few, not so polite, invitations to hand over my wallet.
Load More Replies...I tried to get this across to my mom. Other than make a run to the store, she won't do anything alone and relies too much on others. She blames others for her unhappiness and says its because no one will go with her to this or help her with that. I told her if Bill (my step-dad) is busy or her friends are unavailable, go on that walk or hike anyway, hop on your kayak, visit that street fair. I would have missed out on a lot if I wasn't ok going by myself.
Get to know your parents as people. Ask them all about their early lives and about their parents and other relatives. Write these things down if you can.
Before you know it, they will be gone, either physically or mentally and there will be so many things you want to know.
Very, very true. Write s**t down, or record audio or video. Once they're gone, they're gone :-(
There are also books available to write down those memories - either with or for them. I made one of these for my grandma as a gift during the pandemic when we couldn't visit. She was so, so happy about it.
My parents did this, for my niece, to be read after they died. They wrote stuff in there about me and my brothers that I never heard them say, about how proud they were of us; it still makes me well up when I think about it. Definitely worth doing if you have younger generations to read it.
Load More Replies...I recorded my parents recounting their childhood memories and favorite stories on video. Now that they're gone, it's PRICELESS!
I have a cousin who would sit down with our grandma and a tape recorder (yes...tape...I'm older LOL). He'd ask a few questions to get her talking. After that he would sit back and let her talk while recording.
I always recommend to people to video interview their loved ones with simple questions like what is your favorite memory, what is your favorite memory of me, tell their favorite story etc...
Yes yes yes! 100% yes! Now that I have so many questions for them (I’m 46) they are both gone. Grandparents are all gone too so I have no answers.
My kids asked us to write down how life was in our childhood. I lived in the UK just after the war. My wife was born in Palestine. For me , oranges were a rarely. For her , they grew on trees Post was twice a day, milk, bread, coal all delivered by horse and cart Great days
The older I get, the more my parents share about who they were when they were younger. My mom's a great person. My dad was a d******d football player and as a social worker, tried to use his work skills on his family. Needless to say it didn't help.
I lost my mom when I was 19. I never wrote things down, but I remember all of her stories and who she was by heart so after all these years I still might. Telling people about the amazing woman she was always brings a smile on my face. I'm 32 now and hopefully my husband and I may conceive at some point. My children will never know their grandmother personally, but when they want to know more about her, I want them to know about how amazing she was, fierce and loyal. I already often catch myself making her jokes. And I will keep telling her stories and how strong she believed that death is not the end, only the beginning, because we have eternity ahead in Christ if we just believe. And so I follow her example. I follow Christ. And I find comfort knowing that one day I will see her again, and we'll never get separated ever again by death, no more pain, no more suffering, the river of life will set our feet dancing.
Ghost your s**tty friends. They are as much of a liability to your health and future as any other malicious factors in your life right now.
And if you have to ask if they're a s**tty friend, they are a s**tty friend. Ghost them. Now.
I did this back in college. I realized they were unhealthy for me. This is part of the reason I'm not in Facebook.
Fun fact: Ghosting someone makes YOU the sh%#y friend! If you no longer want to be friends with someone, then there must be a reason. If it’s bad enough to break up with the person then you might as well tell them WHY.
VERY few companies out there will ever give a s**t about you. You should never feel any loyalty to them.
And colleagues are no friends even if you spend so much time with them.
Almost all of my closest friends are people I met through work. Saying colleagues are not friends is like saying "people you went to school with", or "people you played sports with" aren't friends. These are places you meet people, if you don't regard any of them as friends it's possible you might want to look at how you socialize.
Load More Replies...Not always true. True friends are far and few between but the ones that you find come from all places including work. I've been retired for a few years and still talk with my best friends I made there. No risk no reward
I’ve always said to colleagues at work, no-one is irreplaceable; there will always be someone after you. I don’t have friends at work, I’m friendly to everyone but I don’t see any of them outside - so not my friends.
Be yourself!! Don't let anyone tell you that you are not smart enough are to lazy to be successful in life. Prove them wrong.
What is up with so many flakey people? Why do so many people live by, "out of sight, to out of mind?" There's really a pervasive issue of people saying they are lonely, and mistreated, while refusing to maintain relationships. Changed jobs? No one wants to talk to you anymore. Doesn't matter that you had things in common outside of work, you apparently no longer matter. I guess there's at least two generations of parents who failed to teach their children about object permanence. The world is still out here playing peek-a-boo.
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. A long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists.
“Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience, I will dispense this advice now” the song referenced https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth Until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked You are not as fat as you imagine Don't worry about the future Or worry, but know that worrying Is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubble gum The real troubles in your life Are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday Do one thing every day that scares you Saying, don't be reckless with other people's hearts Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours Floss Don't waste your time on jealousy Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults If you succeed in d
Load More Replies...The problem is that many youth these days want to desperately believe that everything science has proven is a lie. With Facebook being the new religion many hoaxes are spread and somehow society has given birth to a generation that prefers to listen to fake news rather than scientific researches.
I have used sunscreen all year round since my late teens. I'm 39 now and it's really paid off.
So, I don't think this has been mentioned so far, but the Baz Lurhmann song is based on an article by Mary Schmich, a columnist at the Chicago Tribune. She wrote it as a hypothetical commencement speech in June of 1997. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wear_Sunscreen. She eventually put it into book form (https://smile.amazon.com/Wear-Sunscreen-Primer-Real-Life/dp/0836255283/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=). I actually included it in a few graduation gifts over the years. I seem to remember reading an article about it years ago where they interviewed her, very interesting. Also, Urban Legend, not read by Kurt Vonnegut as a commencement speech at MIT.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh—never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are not as fat as you imagine.
I wish I was as "fat" now as the first time I thought I was "fat"
Me too! At school I was convinced I was fat and spent all my time hiding my fat thighs and hips and even bre asts. 40 years later I wish I was that size now. One of my problems was I went through puberty so early and for a few years I was the tallest and most well developed. I was taller than all the boys in my class. They all called me fat. Then puberty caught up for the other kids as well. Suddenly I wasn't the biggest anymore. However I still felt fat. I look at photos of me back then and realised I was only a UK sized 10, bigger but definitely not fat.
Load More Replies...It depends. Fifteen years ago, I gained a lot of weight because of bad medication. As a teenager I suffered from an eating disorder and only now I'm at a normal weight and age has brought self-confidence, so I think I look better than ever. Maybe now would be the time to go to the studio to take a picture that will be covered when guests come to visit.🙈
That sounds like an amazing experience! Have them do you some outdoor photoshoot! By a body of water, top a mountain, etc. I hope you have fun!!🤗
Load More Replies...Many many many are using that "Everyone's free to use sunscreen song"
So true, I am over 60 now and when I see an old photo of myself I wonder why I thought so poorly of myself. I don't compare myself to anyone now.
This was taken from a commencement speech that went "viral" in 1995 :/
This was a *theoretical* commencement speech written as an essay by journalist Mary Schmich. It was never actually a real commencement speech.
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Travel, use your vacation time, make memories.
Still, do it. You can't understand the world from a small room.
Load More Replies...But for the love of the planet, please keep out of the skies. We just can't afford for billions of people to be taking unnecessary flights for selfish reasons.
I can’t agree with you, Becky. Traveling abroad definitely takes a toll on our planet, but it’s often the only way for people to reach different countries. And altough I agree we should limit our emissions, I also think we need open mind, we need to know different countries with different cultures and different mindsets to grow as people, as humanity. There are different ways to limit pollution we should definitely go for next - growing as much food as possible at home, buy from local producers, force companies to limit manufacturing in china and produce locally instead. We should force transporation companies to use non fosil fuels for the largest ships and finallt try to come with the suitable green fuel for planes. Then it will be far better. But I think people who don’t stick their noses from their countries are more likely to be prejudiced, racist and xenophobic.
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Take care of your body. Exercise to maintain a healthy weight and good cardiovascular health. As you get older, it's much harder to maintain these.
Something ppl don’t mention about being unhealthy is just how expensive it gets. Eating cheap c**p costs you much more in the end in medical bills, dr’s visits, etc. I bought a yoga mat that I just replaced after a decade and subscribe to a yoga channel on YouTube. Less than pennies a day to work out and be fit/healthy.
This. Even if you feel fit and healthy now. Make sure to get regular check up with your doctor. Once you hit your mid 40s things can escalate pretty quickly, and it's better to get ahead of them now, than have an issue escalate when it could have been prevented. (I am speaking from experience here, not just talking in the wind).
And don't shame people who weigh a bit more as overweight isn't always caused by wrong food or lack of exercise. I speak from experience because I used to weigh so much more when I was taking medicine for something. Medication, certain medical conditions or a slow thyroid can cause someone to gain weight by just looking at water. So don't judge until you know the story behind someone's overweight. And even those who do get overweight from a poor lifestyle often didn't choose that path. Depression for example can cause serious problems with binge eating and lack of energy and judgmental people do not help a depressed person feel any better, you only kick them deeper into misery. Most people I know with an unhealthy lifestyle and overweight actually got into that situation from depression. A person who is doing fine will not quickly choose an unhealthy lifestyle. Help someone who is depressed. Be kind to them and stimulate them to get better, find professional help, eat better, come out more and remind them that they are still beautiful wonderful people. That's how you help. Telling them that they should be ashamed of themselves does not.
Life is short, enjoy! You may have a day or 50 years left, no one knows. Don't put things off for "your golden years".
that goes for 401k (retirement funds) as well. Do not spend your whole life working so they can put "he brought great value to the shareholders" on your tombstone. "Saving for retirement" implies you're going to only do fun stuff at 65. F**k that. You need to be doing fun stuff while your body is not a wreck. Source: me, old person.
hello, you: old person. I have plenty of time and energy, no money so I can't do fun stuff. Later I have money and energy but no time. Then I'll have time and money but no energy. Then I'm six feet under. At this point, I'm trying to stay afloat and thrive in a bureaucratic, capitalist nation that sees us as meat shields and indentured servants for the rich.
Load More Replies...Make & Take time off to do the things you love & be with the one you love. If there's something you want to learn to do, start learning while you are still young enough to develop enough skill to really enjoy it
Brush your teeth.
It's not all about your teeth. Receding gums are a real issue for your teeth to stay in your mouth!
Also if you have kids and your area offers caries vaccines for them, get them asap! Tooth decay is actually a potentially deadly desease and starting to lose teeth at bit over 30 is no fun in any case. (speaking as someone who can remove one of his front "teeth" at the moment because the cement keeping it in place got damaged)
Btw. I did the brushing and flossing, but I also got weak enamel from lack of D vitamin plus a dry mouth from snoring and general mouth breathing that happens when your nose can't give you enough oxygen if you're doing something strenuous like walking
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Do it.
Whatever it is . Take a trip. Start a band. Move to a new city. Do it now when you aren't as tied to place by obligations.
You can do whatever you want as long as you're willing to live with the consequences.
Your joints are the first thing to wear out--take care of them.
It's never too late to start a new career. Do what you love!
Same here, at 37 I'm starting my BA to become a translator on Monday.
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Save. If your job offers a 401k, take advantage of that. If not, open a savings account and put something in it every pay. Even if you can only afford to put in 5 bucks, it still adds up.
for those who don't speak american, a 401k is what the rest of the planet calls a retirement fund
And many companies match a percentage of your contributions. Put in at least as much as they match. If they’re giving you money, take it.
Load More Replies...Invest it yourself. Half the time you lose money even with so-called matching funds from the company.
While this is the opposite of "travel, go do those things now cuz you don't know how long you have," I happen to agree with both and find it difficult to decide which I would offer as advice. So, do whichever makes sense and feels right to you: save, or spend it all on travel. And then stop taking advice from strangers on the internet. Even that. Take advice from strangers on the internet if you like.
Travel, but do your homework to get good deals, and save. My husband and I did this. He passed away unexpectedly last year, so I am glad we traveled a lot before retirement and we saved In our retirement plans so I can still travel after I retire.
Load More Replies...I'd advise that if you get the opportunity, top up your pension whenever you can. I managed to retire at sixty but I wish I had taken advantage of plans which I'd refused because I was young, free, and single and wanted to spend all my money then.
I advised all of my children to always live below their means. Also, to put 10% of every paycheck beginning with their first one into a 401k. Two of them did. One of these two is retiring this year. His 401k is over $1,000,000.
After his stroke and my dad had to go on disability he and my mom were shocked at how much retirement money he had accumulated with the company he worked for. Completely forgot that when he started there when he was 30 that he had them take $25 out per pay check. Obviously never missed it. $100,000 later!
If you believe in what is said here. And you are banking on it for all your future monies. I recommend reading MJ Demarco's books, you may be getting peddled very upscaled lies... And especially if you want to retire before 65... Ever heard of compound inflation? Or the one time for 30+ years where the stock market gained no value? Educate yourself and don't trust others to do it for you...
You don't need to excel, average can be extremely fullfilling.
Aspire to be happy with little achievements.
Failures can open many unexpected windows.
And yet, a lot of them will be average. Heck, half of all surgeons are below average, just by definition.
Load More Replies...Be the best that you want to be, rather than what others want you to be.
Don’t rush to get married. You’re still figuring out who you are. Date, live together, whatever. Just don’t get married before 30.
I was 24, am 32 now, happily married. My advice: Don't listen to any of these "wait til day x to ..."-advice. If you feel it, you feel it.
True, up to a point. I got married at 21. 15 amazing years. But ....I didn't know who I was as a person yet. That had nothing to do with our relationship, or how much we loved each other. But I wasn't a fully formed person at 21. Eventually we turned into different people, with nothing in common. You have to learn to love the people you will become after children, bereavement, illness. All that changes you both. And unless you know yourself, it's much harder to cope with yourself, never mind the person your partner has turned into. When people older than you are telling you that something is wise, do not so casually dismiss it.
Load More Replies...whilst marriage does not equal children, getting married young and having children young is a recipe for poverty. Source : me, someone who lives in africa and sees the disaster it causes.
There is no ONE perfect rule in life for things. This does make sense but it is quite possible to get married early if it is the right person and enjoy life together. To be committed to each other in a marriage is profound. Yes, dating offers freedom but marriage is where the deeper values can kick in.
I was just short of 30 when I married....and I agree. I had a much firmer view of self, wants, needs and the life I expected to have. My confidence changed hugely between 22 and 28....my whole existence was nothing like it was at 22 .....and I am happy to say that yes marriage changed me, but in a better way, I am more patient, understanding and emotionally evolved thanks to my relationship...as is my husband. We have ups and downs like everyone else, but are still stupidly IN LOVE with each other (even after 2 kids lol)
Married at 26 - 12 yrs ago to the greatest match I couldn’t have ever even been able to dream up for myself. This advice is terrible. Know who you are and what you want and don’t settle for less. Personally, I’m grateful I got to get married and start my family before hitting 30 - it’s awesome being young to enjoy this. I know so many ppl who didn’t get married until their 30’s (live in LA) and it seems like they’re so much less mobile than I am and certainly have overwhelmingly had fertility issues.
I wish I'd follow my own advice and not religious parents advice. I care about my husband but not sure if I love him anymore. I know if I lived with him before I got married, I wouldn't have married him. I was 27. He doesn't know, I hide it well.
Not being snarky here, but is there a possibility that he might feel the same Sherry?
Load More Replies...Married my hubby at 18. One month after we met. We made it work. We worked to love each other and I try has been the best 17years tomorrow even with all the ups and downs. We value the downs more because of the growth we've had as a couple.
I was 24, am 38 now, divorced at 29. My advice: make sure you both have the same answer to the "what does this marriage mean for me" question.
Get. A. Pre-nup.
LOL...hubby always says: At least we know e didn't marry for money. We didn't have any back then. Now we built a nice life together. Not rich, but nice.
Go to the doctor and to the dentist regularly
And if you can, donate blood regularly. Apart from saving other people's lives, it has benefits for your health too. Also, if the donors get a free set of blood tests (they do in my country) you can spot serious health issue quite early. One of my friends was contacted by the transfusion center immediately after donating blood. His blood tests showed something was wrong. He underwent other investigations and was diagnosed with an early stage colorectal cancer. He didn't have any other signs or symptoms. He had surgery and chemo and now he's fine.
I so wish I could donate. My iron is way too low even with supplements and not even a hematologist can figure out why.
Load More Replies...Dentist in Holland, only if I break a molar and have to.
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If you have a good relationship with your parents, try and see them. It’s frightening how quickly the years pass and suddenly they’re gone. Alzheimer’s also can hit unexpectedly and it’s amazing how much I wish for just a few more hours.
If you have a relationship with anyone in your life and you would have regrets if you never saw them again - do something about it. You never know what's around the corner. Make that apology for the harsh comment, keep the doors open, do whatever it takes to remember the good.
Work hard, but also have fun. That huge paycheck probably isn't worth it, unless you're super materialistic. Having a brand new tesla or a luxury condo is fun for a month, having good friends and balanced life is fun for a lifetime.
If you're addicted to nicotine, stop. If not, don't ever start.
I quit cold turkey. Had a cough I couldn't get rid of, decided to quit then and there, haven't touched it since. It's only been eight months but the cough is gone and helped identify an underlying issue I had (anemia) which has been dealt with (with iron infusions).
I quit when cold turkey when my first child was born (actually when I found out he was coming). It's been 16 years, and I still dream about smoking (I was a very heavy smoker). But, I feel so much healthier. I can get on my bike and ride for 20-50 miles (whatever my wife gives me the time to do, lol). I also smell a whole lot better. Well done on quitting, but I'll give you one small piece of advise. If you go out drinking with friends, and they offer you a smoke, don't do it. Some people can have one cigarette with their drink, we cannot do that. That one will turn into one per day, to one pack per day, very quickly. It's easier now, that most bars don't allow smoking at all, and smoking has lost a lot of its cache. But same goes for e-cigarettes. Just avoid the whole thing.
Load More Replies...One of the worst decisions I ever made was started smoking. One of the best was when I quit
Don’t worry about not getting to certain “milestones” by a particular age (like 25 or 30 or whatever). Everyone’s circumstances are different. If life gets in the way of your goals, just keep at it (and take a pause if you need) until you achieve them.
This is the most common cause of depression (stressing about milestones) and the most important cure is above.
The "most common" cause of depression is the brain's chemistry. You said it yourself, it's stress (about milestones). Stress and depression are not the same thing. That said, not having high ambitions is fine, being average can be very freeing.
Load More Replies...Do things in your own time. I didn't go to college until I was 30! Did much better because of it
So true. I moved out at 25 because l thought l should. Lasted 6 months. I was terribly homesick & very alone & going through a rough time. Stayed with my folks until l was 30.l bought a house & moved out. This time l was ready.
Ask him/her/them out. Worst case you get a "No".
The worst case would be them ridiculing you for asking....but then you know you dodged a serious bullet and never have to worry about that "what-if"
Reminds me of something my wife said to me. Men are afraid they will be laughed at, women are afraid they will be killed. I like to keep that context in mind.
Load More Replies...This. I asked him out 35 years ago. Happily married for 34 years. Best decision of my life.
Women have the worst problem with this. Being conditioned to 'wait' to be the one asked. Hoping that you have dropped sufficient hints but not so heavily as to look desperate. This is the 21st century, you CAN ask him out, it's not weird, it's not desperate and I know from experience that he will love being the one getting asked..
Stretch. Start stretching. Do yoga. Keep stretching. Never get out of the habit. You don't have to be in the best shape to be happy, but stretching makes everything feel better, keeps it feeling good, and means that when you inevitably hurt yourself at some point in the future it's easier to recover.
You may feel invincible now. Every person in their 20s does. And then you hit 30. And you start noticing things like it hurts when you jump down the last two stairs instead of walking down them, or when you wake up, or just, from existing. In my 40s now, and I'm still doing just fine, and find my daily yoga practice matters more than any other exercise I've ever done.
My ankles were sore for a week after I jumped about 5 inches to get a cobweb from the ceiling
Taekwondo, yoga, and general stretches/daily walks and runs will hopefully keep me shipshape
I'm learning this the hard way at 51. I used to be very active when I was young. After 20 years in a sedentary job (and rarely any activities outside of my job) I'm stiff and in in pain. Now slowly working my way back to 'normal'.
If you are lucky enough to be healthy in the first place this "might" apply but it's so utterly ableist to suggest stretching as a way of life or a cure all. Lots of conditions will cause pain, but many of them won't be because you didn't stretch enough!
You'd be surprised how many things are related to not having your muscles and ligaments be nimble. Sure - cancer will not care if you stretch or not. But the advice here was not to "only stretch and you'll be healthy forever". But that it makes you feel better and less restricted in your movements. Are there conditions where it won't help? yes. Are there conditions where it would be actively hindering to be nimbler? Not that I'm aware of!
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Don’t get fat. Losing weight is a brutal fight. It’s mentally draining.
I don't know if you can really control that as a youth. You are kinda at the mercy of your upbringing in that regard. I mean I've been fat since I was a child. My family's eating habits were my eating habits. My parents metabolism was my metabolism. They were fat so I am fat. Losing the weight after the fact is my only option in my reality. I guess the better advise would be to give your children a better relationship with food than you had so they don't have to deal with the side effects of weight gain. Because yes, it is very mentally draining to lose weight on purpose.
The problem phrase is the "relationship with food." We don't have a relationship with food. Food brings people & cultures together. The thought process is what's wrong. You do not & cannot have a relationship with food. You eat food & may become addicted to how you feel when you eat.
Load More Replies...Nope. Nobody brave enough to comment on this one and get perma-banned.
I will. Fat kills. Even being 15% over your ideal weight triples your risk of heart attack and stroke as you get older. Being very overweight WILL destroy your feet, knees, hips, and back. I loved my great grandmother, but she ended up in a wheelchair because of this.
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Stop obsessing that you need to
A) Be in a relationship
B) Knocked up/Parenting
C) Home Owning vs Renting
in order to "prove" to society your life has entered some larger adult phase.
You are 20. You may think you have it all figured out, and you certainly come with an in-built, unflinching optimism that life will go exactly as you wish as most of you haven't been thoroughly kicked in the face long enough yet by life to lose that rosy impression. However, you are 20. What you want today may not even be possible or relevant in 5 years let alone 20. You still have a lot of growing up to do and you will change.
latest science says brain stops growing at 25. So: please. Just enjoy yourself. Rent. Do not have kids. Do not get married. Travel. Be promiscuous. All that stuff is hard to do once you are in your 30s and are being pressurised to be a grownup.
Renting takes up a lot of money for no reward. Better to buy if you can, as soon as you can, so that you have an asset which is appreciating in value.
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Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
I tell my kids that you don't need to know what you want to be, but you have to choose something to be or do first. You can always change your mind later, just don't let it paralyze you into doing nothing at all.
See comment above to "Sunscreen." Written by Mary Schmich in June, 1997.
I'm really old and STILL do not know what I want to do. Just wing it.
Yup. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, and I'm nearly retired
Load More Replies...AND YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND! BFF got a masters in Cognitive psychology. 10 years later, went to law school (PhD) and loves it!
Improve your posture now
Having kids is a wonderful experience. While I personally think it's the best thing I've ever done it's certainly not for everyone and you will give up a lot of your personal life, hobbies, time alone and everything that you once did for yourself.
Don't stick with wrong people, friends/relationships out of habit or to honor the prior years spent with them. It's ok and normal to outgrow people. Don't waste time on people who no longer bring value to your life. 20s feel like you still have a lot of years left to screw up, but 20s pass in a blink. Train yourself to be self aware. Train yourself to say Nope without apology.
yep I wasted decades with a person who did not appreciate me because I kept up with the sunk cost fallacy. Ditch people who bring negativity.
It is better to regret something you did than something you did not do. Don't be a d**k tho.
Yep, as a person who was extremely boring in their 20s, this is good advice. Your youth is to be enjoyed. Rather regret doing stupid stuff and don't do it again, than not live and be "safe". Regret means you learnt something.
I dunno.... done some sh*t I'm not particularly proud of. And repercussions doesn't go away. Would have opted for the boring 20's in retrospect. But that's the thing about life - there is no "right" or "wrong". Just a different path chosen.
Load More Replies...You can always change your mind. Don't feel like you're locked into a decision because you're embarrassed that maybe you chose the wrong thing. Life is too long.
So much of modern life revolves around social media now. Shut It Off...Frequently. Eat meals, style your hair, go for vacations you never post about. Let calls to voicemail and texts unread. 98% of those items can wait or don't require your response at all. It's depressing to witness a group of friends sitting together in a restaurant and all opting to be on their phones rather than present for each other. You miss a lot of life time staring at your screens.
Don't put yourself in ridiculous amounts of debt trying to portray a certain image. You'll spend your entire life trying to get out of the hole you dug or you'll have to declare bankruptcy.
Set aside enough money to cover 3-6 months of expenses for emergencies just like now. Moreover, save now for your retirement years. It doesn't require much and if you have it taken directly from your paycheck you won't be inclined to not pay yourself first.
The best thing an employer ever did for me was enrol me in a company pension when I started my apprenticeship at 19. I didn't have to choose, I had to do it (before it was a requirement of an employer to make you join a scheme in UK). It's the only bit of getting old I'm not worried about
Enjoy the days of your youth without going overboard. There is nothing wrong with having a good time, yet if you are always waking up wondering what happened last night, why you can't remember how you spent so much money or you always have a hangover; you should tone it down a bit.
Everyone you'll meet has been through some s**t. Try not to judge. Instead, try being empathetic. Curious. Kind. Also, no one is ever ready for kids.
you are more ready when you are older than when younger, so have them older.
But, remember you don't have the energy when you're older that you have when you are young so have them young.
Load More Replies...Don't take advice or criticism as a personal attack. Most times the people who care about you have observed behavior in you which is off putting, doesn't reflect who you really are or could be or would make you a more rounded person
Always respond to criticism with "That's an intersting observation, thanks. Let me think about it and decide how I want to process it." You can then either take it onboard if it is true, or discard it if it is false. But dont get defensive.
you don’t need a significant other to be happy. enjoy your time alone. take it slow and go with the flow. set expectations low. and be grateful for what has happen in your life. reminiscence what you had done in your life. what you cam do to improve. don’t regret anything even if it’s something horrible. accept it and move on with life. learn anything you can. trust me you don’t want to be 40 and feel useless. lastly this is what a friend told me and it has been stuck with me ever since. take care of yourself cause nobody else is better at taking care of yourself than you . no one else understands you more than you. soo do what makes you happy even if your friends and family thinks it’s weird. if it makes you feel happy do it. you can’t please everybody but you can please yourself
If you don't know *what* your passion is, your job is to find out what your passion is. Then work in that direction. I'm 46. I was a touring musician for 15 years (up until I was 40), dirt broke, worked in bars when I was home - lived hand to mouth. Would do it again in a heartbeat. I'm a family guy now, with a normal job, but I'll never have a mid life crisis.
By the time you're twenty, your parents have f****d you up somehow. Get therapy. Identify how you're f****d up now and deal with it so you don't have to deal with the monster-sized version of it when you're in your 40s.
If it needs to go on credit and you don’t need it to stay alive (food, medicine, shelter etc) then you can wait until you’ve saved up for it.
not true. If you have not got 200 000 usd lying around, you'll never have it, certainly not from "saving" from a menial job. You need to build credit to buy a house.
Not true. My youngest son paid 75% of his house mortgage as down, just working for fast food companies, birthday presents, etc. He's been saving since he was 8. Can't say the same with my oldest son nor my daughter.
Load More Replies...Accept that your opinions will change and you may be wrong.
Don't take it all so seriously, personally. Read Vonnegut. "We were put on this planet to fart around."
Don't grow up completely. You can still feel like a kid when you're 53.
Fool around as often as you can. You feel younger with that (I am 62).
The most childish are the people who insist on acting mature all the time.
Don't think that just because you've been with your partner for so many years you can't start over/you'll never meet anyone/no one will want you. Instead look at it as not wasting your time on someone who doesn't deserve it.
I don't think being with anyone is a waste of time because you always learn something. Even a drug addict who steals your stuff to buy drugs teaches you a lesson about who to not shack up with.
45 YO here. Did most of these myself and have a pretty good life right now: * Eat right and exercise. You can get away with not doing it right now, but you'll regret it later. * Live frugally, save money, and invest. Pay off debt if you have it. Don't overspend, especially on impulse, or trying to impress people. * Make yourself marketable, a college degree is nice, but be ready to work and prove you can get the job done. Way too many useless bullshitters getting by on political games in the corporate world. * Never give out personal loans * If you do get married, marry a good person who wants to be a life partner. Life has its ups and downs and you'll need a true life partner for the bad times. * People usually divorce for three reasons: Money, Sex, and Kids. Make sure you're on the same page before committing. EDIT: typo
people divorce because respect and appreciation go out the window. IMHO just don't get married in the first place. my 2c.
I'm going to post this b/c I know someone young is struggling w/ addiction rn. Don't waste your life. Don't wake up at 39 and let that s**t hit you like a ton of bricks that you've pissed away half of your life on drugs.
Setting boundaries with people is a kind thing to do. For them and you. Some boundaries are obvious and should never be crossed, but many social boundaries can be hard to totally predict. And how other people react to you telling them your limits is a big test of whether or not you can trust them.
You've reached that age where you can create a family that is not just blood relatives. And you can remove blood relatives from your family.
Do all the s**t you really dont want to do. Go to school, work, save money, be responsible. Crucify me if you wish but I've told my kids that this life in our current society is about doing s**t you don't want to do so you can do the s**t that makes you happy.
If you decide to get married (this shouldn't and isn't a thing for everyone BTW) make sure it's not just for love but to have a partner and a best friend. I'm so lucky I have a great wife.
Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too, will get old and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Live below your means; if you get a raise, spend like you didn't get it. Or better yet, put the money in a separate account (most places that pay via direct deposit will let you split it up).
Do your best to move on and repair the damage your parents did to you. It's too easy to get stuck feeling like they did too much for you, didn't do enough, or what they did harmed you and just circling in your mind wishing it went differently. They may have done it to you, but only you can undo it to yourself. Don't expect apologies or closure. Sadly, as bad as many parents were, they were actually doing their best. Sometimes their best is still so bad, but they will likely get defensive and it will only deepen the pain.
Don't worry about the future or worry, but know that worrying Is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind the kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
thinking about problems actually does not solve them. The solutions present themselves.
Be nice to your siblings, they're your best link to your past And the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Humans are, at heart, learning machines. If you find yourself bored, it's likely you've mastered (to the best of your current ability) your current interests. It's totally normal to cast about for the next fascinating thing, and to do a deep dive into it. We may be taught that a person ought to stick to one thing forever but, in truth, most of us will switch careers multiple times, switch partners, and drop hobbies. It's more important to be resilient and have good critical thinking, planning, and learning skills than it is to be blindly devoted to any one person, thing, or activity. The only exceptions being offspring and pets/animals. You are 100% responsible for taking care of those within your sphere of influence who have no power, themselves
If you're going to join the military pick the Air Force or Navy so you'll get actual applicable skills to the real world and wont die.
Yes. There are so many employers where you don't have to fear you might die for someone else's interests.
Load More Replies...I turn 55 tomorrow. Retire early so you can still enjoy what life you have left.
or take holidays and enjoy them. In other words, don't just go to the beach. Beaches are passé. You've seen one you've seen them all. Go do different things.
Have a work ethic. Show up, do what's told, go home. That does not mean let them walk over you. You don't need your phone. There is always something to do.
Slow down. Actively listen to people in your life. This is a tough skill and I still struggle. It's particularly hard when you "don't know what you don't know". try not to think of the next thing you want to say. But listen, ask questions if you don't understand their concern/statement. People have some wisdom. Hardest part is how to hear it then decide if it's applicable/good for you. Also life plans don't really work out. Most folk I know altered course. You don't have to go to school x, or have job z, or be married/have kids or whatever at age Y. You are not a failure. You are important and make sure to remember your worth. don't forget to be kind to yourself. From a non 40+ year old but close enough.
You are the only you out there, and your life is going to be different from everyone elses. Don't rush or push yourself to decide on your career, life partner, buying propery, or having a kid - or deciding definitively that you don't want or can't have any of these things. People always feel like everyone around them are way ahead in all these things, but if eveyrone feels that way then no one is behind. That's because everyone does it at their own pace.
Learn to move on from old s**t on your own with getting apologies or "closure" from those who have wronged you. Now, moving on isn't the same foriving or forgetting, which you may do for the other people. This is what you do for yourself. In the end, those shitty people have long moved on and are doing fine, while you are the one being punished by your actions and attitudes. It sucks, but it's the truth. Only you can help yourself. Living well IS the best revenge.
Just want to say that forgiving can definitely be done for yourself w/o ever letting that person know you've forgiven them. You can cut a toxic person out of your life and you don't owe them a thing. Forgiving them can help free up space in your mind and heart and aid in your "moving on" process. But do that on whatever timeline is best and most healthy and helpful for you.
Things get better. Even if they don’t you learn to cope better. The first time going through something is always the worst
Making friends is increasingly awkward as you get older but push through it because other people are wonderful and worth it.
Make your mistakes on someone else’s dime and then do it yourself for yourself. A well defined problem is half the solution. Be a Giver and marry a Giver and you will be happy til the day you die.
Listen to some of your parents' advices. Not all advices and not the most absurd ones. But in general listen to them.
Choose adventures and experiences over material things Choose kindness and connection If you like sex, have a lot of it. If you like to party, party a lot. If you like to dance, dance as often as possible. But if you like to drink, be moderate about it to protect your liver It's your body, feel free to touch it, use it, and advocate for it
My advice is different for someone aged 20-24 than it is for someone aged 25-29. If you're aged 20-24 then even if your life is good you're likely going through the roughest patch of life you'll ever go through. You may not be able to see the light but it's there at the end of the tunnel. Just hunker down and put up the shields for a few more years and don't let stress or depression get you. My advice once you hit 25 is, your brain is fully developed now and you want to get started fast on making money and finding the friends and partner that you're gonna want for the rest of your life. Now that college is presumably over, your ability to meet new people your own age group as easily as you did in school is greatly diminished. Quality over quantity when it comes to friends.
Get established in a career. The older you get the more opportunities shrink.
I don't find this is true. I find that as you get older you get more confident about networking with strangers and less fussed about what they think of you. As a result, more opportunities show up. The trick is to socialise outside of your peer group. IE not with your current work buddies or your current school buddies. Got to bars where execs hang out, etc.
Starting over isn’t the worst thing. You’ll also be really surprised how your life will turn out in 20 years. Like unrecognizable. As a teenager I spent most of my time babysitting my sisters. I tried to kill myself. I spent several months in a psychiatric facility. 7 years later I graduated college with an MBA. Getting a job offer right out of college and marrying my (now) ex husband soon after that. At 43 I realized my life was boring. I made great money. Enough to retired early. And start freelancing. I also realized I was a lesbian. So I got a divorce. Started dating this girl. And became her MommyDom. If you were to ask me at any point in my life if I’d see myself where I actually ended up a couple years later I would’ve called you crazy. I thought my life was over in the psych facility. I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with the man I married.
Vote younger people into office. You can only b***h about Boomers so much if you don't take action and get those old white Republicans out of office. Look at all they've done lately. F*****g vote!
If you are planning to have kids, do so as soon as you are able to—financially that is. Do not wait. There is never a perfect time for that. If you wait for too long, you will be too tired to chase your kids and enjoy them fully.
The answer is 35-37. Before that you will bankrupt yourself. After that you will be too tired.
You'll be 53 when they get 18 and that's the oldest. Think about it.
Load More Replies...QUIT DRINKING! Im 40 years old and ive been drinking damn well every day since i was 19. Today marks my 15th day since i took a drop and i know its been a short time but man what a wake up call. I feel more energized. I feel great at wake up. Im more focused. My mind is clear. I know its only been only 2 weeks but i can not imagine what else to explore with my new found fresh air!
An AA sponsor of mine once told me that recovery could be really hard, draining, and full of emotional upheavals. I was nodding my head and saying, "oh, I know, I know." Then he said "or... it can be easy, exciting, and fun! And you get to choose." It's been almost 8 years since my last drink, and guess what? It's been easy, exciting, and fun. Keep on going! It just gets better and better and better!
Load More Replies...Definitely over 40 here and here’s mine: don’t be ashamed of your hobbies and interests (unless they are felonies). That love of Star Trek that got you bullied at school may be the thing that holds you together when you get depression at 30.
Invest a few hours per week (or per month) into doing volunteer work with a community organization. And try different kinds of volunteer work over the years. Helping improve the lives of other people will also improve your life. And then when you get old, you will have all kinds of connections with people in your local area instead of being alone in a house full of stuff that you collected.
"As we get older, shedding baggage along the way, we must keep an iron grip, to the very end, on the capacity for silliness. It preserves the soul from dessication." - Humphrey Lyttleton
See, actually pay attention to, others. Smile and give them a heartfelt compliment. Notice a vibrant colour they picked, a quote they are wearing and comment on that. You will have spread happiness. Notice old ppl, disabled people don't be afraid to ask if you can help. Be kind to every kind.
From a 61 year old: Before you spend money on something for yourself because "I work hard and I deserve it!", do the math and figure out how many hours or days you'll have to work to pay for it. You'll often discover you don't need it after all.
Wait until your 40s to have children. I don't know if I'd been as calm and relaxed about having children even in my mid-30s. My oldest is 5 and was born just days before my 40th. My baby is 2 and was born a few months after I turned 42. We were in a decent place financially and our relationship was a decade old before I even thought I was ready to have them. I guess that comes down to wait until you're financially, emotionally, and mentally prepared to have children even if you're 40.
I'm 42 (will be 43 next month) and my very best advice I can give is to rid your life of negative people. Sometimes those negative people are family and it may seem impossible to do but we can love others from a distance to better our own lives. Negative people bring on negative feelings/negative energy and it will exhaust you. Also always remember as long as you are trying you NEVER fail. So be cool with yourself. You really are okay.
QUIT DRINKING! Im 40 years old and ive been drinking damn well every day since i was 19. Today marks my 15th day since i took a drop and i know its been a short time but man what a wake up call. I feel more energized. I feel great at wake up. Im more focused. My mind is clear. I know its only been only 2 weeks but i can not imagine what else to explore with my new found fresh air!
An AA sponsor of mine once told me that recovery could be really hard, draining, and full of emotional upheavals. I was nodding my head and saying, "oh, I know, I know." Then he said "or... it can be easy, exciting, and fun! And you get to choose." It's been almost 8 years since my last drink, and guess what? It's been easy, exciting, and fun. Keep on going! It just gets better and better and better!
Load More Replies...Definitely over 40 here and here’s mine: don’t be ashamed of your hobbies and interests (unless they are felonies). That love of Star Trek that got you bullied at school may be the thing that holds you together when you get depression at 30.
Invest a few hours per week (or per month) into doing volunteer work with a community organization. And try different kinds of volunteer work over the years. Helping improve the lives of other people will also improve your life. And then when you get old, you will have all kinds of connections with people in your local area instead of being alone in a house full of stuff that you collected.
"As we get older, shedding baggage along the way, we must keep an iron grip, to the very end, on the capacity for silliness. It preserves the soul from dessication." - Humphrey Lyttleton
See, actually pay attention to, others. Smile and give them a heartfelt compliment. Notice a vibrant colour they picked, a quote they are wearing and comment on that. You will have spread happiness. Notice old ppl, disabled people don't be afraid to ask if you can help. Be kind to every kind.
From a 61 year old: Before you spend money on something for yourself because "I work hard and I deserve it!", do the math and figure out how many hours or days you'll have to work to pay for it. You'll often discover you don't need it after all.
Wait until your 40s to have children. I don't know if I'd been as calm and relaxed about having children even in my mid-30s. My oldest is 5 and was born just days before my 40th. My baby is 2 and was born a few months after I turned 42. We were in a decent place financially and our relationship was a decade old before I even thought I was ready to have them. I guess that comes down to wait until you're financially, emotionally, and mentally prepared to have children even if you're 40.
I'm 42 (will be 43 next month) and my very best advice I can give is to rid your life of negative people. Sometimes those negative people are family and it may seem impossible to do but we can love others from a distance to better our own lives. Negative people bring on negative feelings/negative energy and it will exhaust you. Also always remember as long as you are trying you NEVER fail. So be cool with yourself. You really are okay.
