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Truth or dare. Truth? Okay, tell me your deepest, darkest secret!

I remember sweating through every middle school party praying that I wouldn’t be asked to reveal anything too embarrassing or life-altering. In hindsight, I’m not sure what I was so scared of because 12-year-old me didn't have any juicy secrets.

I have since learned, however, that many people in this world actually do cling onto deep, dark secrets, some of which have recently been revealed on Reddit. Below, you’ll find a variety of shocking admissions, as well as conversations with the woman who started this conversation and the hosts of the Deep Dark Secrets podcast. So get out your popcorn, enjoy reading through, and be sure to upvote the secrets you’re glad aren’t your own! 

#1

I was pregnant at 18 by my father. No one in my life knows. I moved away. I went into labour at 37 weeks. She was perfect. She just didn't breathe. They tried for ages. In the end, they put her in my arms and said there was nothing they could do.

Throughout my whole pregnancy, I wondered how I could possibly love her given how she came to be. I was so alone and confused. I wished her away on more than one occasion, and then it happened. It hurts, so very much every day. It's been 29 years, and it still hurts every day.

I've never had another child. It's the price I pay for wishing her away.

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emilymrangel avatar
over it already
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bless your heart. You didn't cause that. I'm so sorry for every single little piece of this story.

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#2

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping I inherited a butt ton of money and haven't told anyone for years. I have lived very modestly but one day I plan on completely disappearing to my countryside house where no one will find me.

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To learn more about how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user AaneMeg, who posed the question, “What is your darkest secret?” She was kind enough to have a chat with us about what inspired her to ask about others’ secrets. “I believe Reddit is a very safe place to anonymously share something that you are not comfortable sharing with your face on it,” the OP shared.

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“Most of us, if not all, have something which we are not comfortable letting the world know about, something that we have kept locked deep down,” AaneMeg continued. “But those secrets are also something that bother us. We are social beings and we like to share. We like to gossip. Sharing makes us feel light. So, the idea behind this question was to give people a platform to share that suppressed feeling and maybe feel a little better about themselves.”

#3

I love my dogs more than I love my close family and I prefer to spend time with my dogs instead of my family

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#4

My mum was/is an alcoholic with schizophrenia. She was pretty abusive to my dad and me. My dad died from terminal cancer but once when he was ill when I was 18 I came downstairs after hearing shouting to see him sobbing on the floor begging her to stop screaming at him.

It was only the 2nd time I'd ever seen my dad cry, all the abuse and I'd never seen him breakdown. Something snapped and lets just say I got physical with her which culminated in me whispering in her ear that if she so much as raised her voice at him again she'd leave in a body bag. I think she knew I was serious as she cut most of her s**t out.

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Loverboy
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry you and your dad had to go through that abuse for so long. Her mental conditions don't justify that. You did what every child with an abusive parent wishes they could say/do when something like that is happening.

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We also asked the OP if she could share any of her own secrets with us. “This is a dark secret that I haven't shared with anyone yet: I hate my father and the sole reason for that is his indefinitely towards my mother,” she told Bored Panda. “He has cheated on her on multiple occasions and he doesn't feel remorse. I look after him and my mother, as they are old now, but deep inside, I hate him like hell.”

And while AaneMeg says not everyone has a dark secret, she believes that most of us certainly do. “Our dark secrets are not always bad, or embarrassing, or even criminal. It's just something that we are not comfortable sharing, maybe because of our cultural upbringing, our morals, and our personality,” she noted. “And I believe most of us have at least something like that which we don't feel comfortable talking about.”

#5

I got my first bf when I was 19. He was also 19. The relationship was incredibly toxic and abusive --the level of "I'm not allowed to pick my clothes or friends or classes without his consent" kind of abusive. Later on, he would throw furniture at me, try to break my arm with his bare hands, threaten to kill himself if I left, kidnap my dog, and stand in front of my car so I couldn't leave.

I was trapped for 2.5 years. During that time, I was falsely accused of having a sexual relationship with my co-coach who was 45 at the time, when in reality, my bf was cheating on me.

So when he wanted to lose weight, I told him I would cook for him. What he thought were healthy, chocolate protein shakes were actually full fat, chocolate shakes with about a cup of added sugar per serving (plus protein powder). He gained 40+ lbs over a year.

I want to feel bad about it but I had to call the cops on him for domestic abuse. So I don't.

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#6

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping My dad was an awful d******d, so when I was 16 I reported his endless list of s**t to the police. To this day he thinks his ex-wife snitched on him. He still doesn't know that his daughter reported him. -Edit: So many were asking what he did, and if he was sentenced. I won't list everything, some are scattered in the comments, but here are a few (a lot of then I will keyword because I can't bring myself to actually go into detail, I hope you understand) "Accidental" vehicular homicide; child kidnapping (he forced me and my sister to move to a different country away from out family); forcing me and my sister to work on our "family" restaurant for no money, 10hrs a day; tax evasion; scamming over 250k, grooming, overstepping child/father boundaries (i won't go into detail. I'm sorry.) For this he got 23 years without parole

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We were also curious what the OP thought about the responses to her post. “I was surprised by some, laughed my heart out on a few, and was completely horrified by others. It was a mixed bag,” she shared, noting that it’s too difficult to choose one that was her favorite.

“But there was a comment where a person had accidentally mixed up all the ashes of dead people in multiple urns and scooped them from the floor,” AaneMeg noted. “Then just randomly placed those ashes in the urns and didn't talk about it. I was really interested in that post and also concerned about those urns and their contents. From where I come, the remains of our dead ones are taken very seriously. We hold it very sacred. If something like this happened and we came to know about it, we would be pretty disheartened. We forever would be feeling that we didn't send off our beloved person with love.”

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#7

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping I ran over a woman as she was crossing the road with her child when I was 18 years old. They both died. It was 5 am and foggy and I did not see them.
There is not a day that goes by that I do not hear the noise and remember the smell and it has been nearly 34 years. I don't share this with people but I live with the fact that I ruined a family each and every day.

throwaway291348580 , Artyom Kulakov Report

#8

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping I called dcyf on a friend and her kids eventually were removed from her home. Still doesn't know it was me.

stuffedmushr00ms , John Benitez Report

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The OP also shared that some posts discussing family issues were relatable to her. “I found many people in my situation,” she told Bored Panda. “Until now, I thought I was the only one struggling in that aspect. But there are hundreds of people like me, and weirdly enough, it made me feel better.”

“All of us are entitled to keep secrets,” AaneMeg added. “Sure, some of those secrets can be pretty damning, but not keeping one is a sure shot to feeling transparent or feeling judged. So, yeah, in my opinion, I think it is a pretty healthy thing to do. Of course, only if you are comfortable doing that.”

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#9

I’m a 36 year old straight bearded man.

I love Sailor Moon. Nostalgic af and I’m emabarassed by it.

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#10

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping When I was 33, my father died. My mother had passed a year earlier. A few days after his death I was in his closet just looking at stuff, thinking about what to do with everything. I saw an old jacket that I had never seen my father west. I tried it on but it was way too small. That means it would’ve been too small for my dad too. I put my hand in the inside pocket and found a roll of $20 bills. $680 total. Then I reached in the other pocket and found a note with a life insurance policy number and a name and phone number. My father told me he didn’t have life insurance before he passed so I wondered if it was an old policy. I called the number, and it was the agent that sold him the policy. He told me there were three benificiarirs and it’s still valid. It was worth 300,00$ to be split equally three ways between my brother, me and Valeria. I have no idea who Valeria is. I took my 100k my bro got his 100k and I guess Valeria got hers. I like to think she was a beautiful women that rocked my dads world in his final year on earth

Damantinomies , Alexander Grey Report

To learn more about the dark secrets people hold onto, we also reached out to a couple of experts on the topic, hosts of the Deep Dark Secrets Podcast, LaDonna and Alecia. “I believe everyone has (or has had) a dark secret at some point in their life,” LaDonna shared, noting that she believes it’s unhealthy to keep deep dark secrets. “In my opinion, those kinds of secrets create a state of stress and anxiety and leave you feeling either depressed, anxious, or overly negative.”

“I believe everybody has secrets, and a select few people have truly dark secrets,” Alecia chimed in. “I believe that what most people would label a ‘dark’ secret is probably just something that brings them shame. Like when you have lied about something, or you have a flaw or shortcoming that you'd rather not discuss with others. To me, a secret isn't truly dark unless it has to do with harming another person.”

#11

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping Male.

I've been selling my foot pics and videos pretending to be female for years.

eDisrturbseize , cottonbro studio Report

#12

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping My wife thinks I take super long showers because I'm jerking off. I'm not (usually). Most of the time I'm sitting in a cold shower trying to wash off my anxiety. Doesn't usually work.

Manbeartapir , Alex Green Report

We were also curious what kinds of dark secrets get revealed on LaDonna and Alecia’s show. “Our podcast shines a light in some very dark places,” LaDonna told Bored Panda. “Our first season is covering the world of death fetish forums and related murders. Honestly, I think the entire season (every episode) is shocking. We are covering stories about (primarily) men who glorify the abduction, torture, rape and murder of young women. All of the stories are horrific, but I find the stories about necrophilia and cannibalism among the most shocking. My favorite kind of story this season is when the bad guy (a death fetish predator) is arrested and convicted for his heinous crimes.”

#13

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping Not so much now, but when I was younger, I wished that my severely disabled little brother was never born/normal. I love my little brother, I really do and I feel awful that I have these thoughts. But the way he is completely altered my life and my entire family. He will always need to be taken care of and all plans must work around him. When my parents pass, it will be my sister and I who take care of him. It's not his fault but I would sometimes resent him. Never told anyone because of the guilt I feel.

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delphinum4 avatar
Zophra
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know, but this seems like these would be normal feelings.

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#14

I feel nothing. Always. Every emotion is faked. The “love” for my wife, the “love” for my kids. The “caring” about my friends. The ”effort” I put in at my my place of employment as a supervisor. It’s all to fit in. It’s all a show. Of course, they all will never know that. Ever. Especially my family. I would never leave them or want them to know my lack of feelings because I know it would crush them. So every day, I keep on keeping on.

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Gabriele Alfredo Pini
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"because I know it would crush them." Said everything: you love them, only in your own way. Sentiments are complicated and each of us experiment them in different ways

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SheHulk
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he really didn´t feel anything he wouldn't care about hurting them.

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emmiepsykc avatar
Em
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is a difference between not caring and actively wishing someone harm.

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AR
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not all psychopaths are evil as long they don’t use people.

raigrant01 avatar
raigrant01
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. This person has morals, even if they can't feel. As with all mental health issues (and I have a few), it's a reason, not an excuse. Good on them for actually being bothered and not just accepting their lack of feelings. I wish them well.

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Mochi
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm upvoting because I was there. It gets better. You should stop the show, come clean. Why would it crush them? If you are struggling, they will help you.

emmiepsykc avatar
Em
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You weren't there. You don't know this person. You have no idea what their life is like. You appear to be projecting your own experiences onto them. Nowhere did they say that they were struggling or wanting things to get better. That might be the case, or it might not. To me this reads more like someone at peace with who they are and the unusual way their brain works, but hey, I might be projecting as well. Who knows.

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Loverboy
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh honey. I've been there. I am there. If it's because of depression then you should really tell them, they would only want to help. Though I can't really be speaking.

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artturf avatar
XenoMurph
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry mate but the fact that you don't say it, or leave, means you DO feel love. Sounds like depression that you can't embrace that and enjoy it. Get treatment,therapy, it really works.

marionlin avatar
Mary Lou
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds like depersonalisation. That can be a primary diagnosis or a symptom of depression or other problems. Instead of keeping on I hope OP seeks support. To be able to find real joy and truely feel the love in their life!

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Alisa LaVine
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You may have Antisocial personality disorder. Most people with APD are not serial killers. Like 99%.

marionlin avatar
Mary Lou
Community Member
9 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No. Please stop giving out crass google diagnosis. Sincerely, a studied psychologist.

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idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But if someone feels that way, why get married and have kids? For what purpose? Isn't it exhausting pretending you care about those people? If that was me, I'd feel much more at ease by myself. I wouldn't have to expend the energy to keep up the charade all the time.

jaredrobinson avatar
Jared Robinson
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So is it that you just have no emotion at all or just no emotion for the family you have?

maggi_kelly avatar
Maggie
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that you do care, or why would you be making such an effort?

melody5697 avatar
Melody
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I bet he was really badly emotionally neglected as a child. :(

lddibart65 avatar
Lynn Dibartolomeo
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have you ever told a professional about this? My daughter was the same for 17 years. Then she was diagnosed as bipolar with autistic tendencies. She's a different person.

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Fish Fingers
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to consciously remind myself that other people are people. Like literally 'How would I feel in X situation? Because that's how this person is feeling in X situation. Now put how I feel on this person.' Most people don't know that empathy is a mechanical, step by step process for me.

elainereed_1 avatar
Elaine Reed
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dont know you, but this is familiar. Members of my family have similar issues. We have been professionaly diagnosed as being on the Autistic spectrum. I was such a relief to understand that we were not crazy but just wired differently. Please see a Psychiatrist for this. It may be that medication can help you as it did me. All the best.

indiamitchell avatar
I’mSoEmotional
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your lack of affect is an actual problem quite a few people have to deal with. I know it sounds cliche, but have you thought about talking to a therapist?

chsmith avatar
CHRISTY SMITH
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-detachment Emotional Detachment: What It Is and How to Overcome It

brianne_amos avatar
Brainmas
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At least it sounds like you care about their feelings. I hope you're in therapy.

emmuzka avatar
Emma London
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They are not alone. There are people who don't feel romantic love, or secretly think that their children are more annoying than anything else. That doesn't prevent them from getting a family or living a normal life, but it can be lonely to feel like a fraud.

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Geordie Gibson
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm the same, my now new to me fiance has known from very early on. Actions speak louder than words, you do what you need to to keep them going, they will never know based on just your actions. Don't ever feel pressured to tell them anything because they need it. And look up psychopathy. There are many out there that feel nothing but aren't diagnosed, it's not widely studied outside of prisons.

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Andrew Burke
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, if you go to that effort obviously there ARE feelings of love there for your family! I understand that feeling of not loving but then in retrospect actually truly loving but not not feeling like you're loving at all.

mdsmith328 avatar
Michelle Smith
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It was a period of time when I thought exactly the same way for a couple of years actually. I mentioned this to my sister who is a nurse and she suggested that I see a psychiatrist because she thought I was depressed when I explained how I was feeling to the psychiatrist she told me that I was definitely suffering from depression and she prescribed me and empty depressing and within a few weeks it started working

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Beverly Lodge
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is psychopathic or sociopathic - it is not a bad thing. My brother is an acknowledged sociopath. Both excell at many things - feelings aren't part of those. But acknowledgement is - loyalty, acceptance, participation, drive - all of those things are also very important. Many people lack those things too.

kimberlybass avatar
Kimberly Bass
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bold to admit... A lot of the time, I feel the exactly that... nothing.

dimt avatar
Dim T
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My feelings are fake 10 lines later : i would never tell them that because they would feel bad and i care about them enough not to want them to experience pain Bro your feelings be pretty real there

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Shannon K
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like you DO actually care. We all love differently honey x

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weatherwitch
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This can come from a lot of things actually. Depression. Loss, dissociative disorders, meds, etc etc Especially if this is new or you can point a start time trigger then a talk with a doctor might well be advisable. It can come under neurodivergent spectrum too where mine is from 😕

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Cj Churchall-McKenzie
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i know these feelings all to well, i have asd have you considered you might be neurodiverse?

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Leoninus Fate
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to be like this, It turned out the nerves connecting these were not sending the right "waves signals?" but they make meds that can make them connect now! {oh man It sucks haveing to feel this stuff after 20 years of feeling nothing }

californianinkansas avatar
Btsquestrian
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For some people, love is a decision and not an emotion. And that's perfectly okay. The writer sounds like he is behaving in an ethical manner and is doing right by his dependents.

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SobyKay
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like there is hope b/c you have self-awareness and you also don't want your family to feel hurt. You may be able to receive help for the lack of emotion, if not assistance in feeling them, then perhaps counselling for living with this lonely truth.

kembr12 avatar
K_Tx
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some of us didn't get a good picture or understanding of what love is. When people throw "I love you" at everyone they know, my own mind wonders how... For me, love is a verb.

teresa_hale avatar
Teresa Hale
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Recommend researching alexithymia and considering discussing it with a mental health professional

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Missy Corron
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When your child is heartbroken.... you will know how much you love them and want the world to be fair and soft for them. It's in times when you are challenged and their pain is your pain that you find that emotional connection. In the Everyday it's easy to think there is nothing but unless you are a true sociopath that is never the case.

kerrywatson avatar
Kerry Watson
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I bet you're a monster of a supervisor. It takes empathy to be a hood supervisor and person. Believe me they know.

nehmerbeck avatar
Heidi Beck
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are detached. I am too. I don’t feel, I just know. You’re a person with a clear head.

stargal avatar
Silre
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This person needs treatment for depression right now

michaellargey avatar
Michael Largey
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being out of contact with your emotions is not the same as not having them.

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Averysleepypanda
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This could he severe depression (if it wasn't always like this), you should probably see someone for this. Medication can do wonders (saved my life)

debs_bee avatar
Debs Bee
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like you maybe emotionally numb from deep depression.

alex_100 avatar
Alex
Community Member
9 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You might be a psychopath. I've heard about this condition before in a similar circumstance. Perhaps consult a mental health professional

anoukt avatar
Anouk T
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do you do this then? It will come out one way or another eventually. And you will hurt so many people then…

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royal_antelope
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That sounds more like alexithymia and not like psychopathy.

janethowe_1 avatar
Janet Howe
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not a doctor, but I suspect you may be suffering from depression. Please see a doctor. You shouldn't have to live without some degree of joy in your life. Your family and friends may suspect there's something wrong already. Wouldn't you like them to know it's not their fault? And not your fault either? Once a doctor can pinpoint your suffering, there are dozens of medications that may help you live and feel normal again.

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A. Starhawk Hunt
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say that if you care that it would crush them, you love them. You don't know what love feels like, not that you can't love.

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A Happy Doggo
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you actually do care about them, at least enough to not leave them or anything. Emotions are different for everyone

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Heather W
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact you try and keep on for their benefit is admirable. You're like the Benedict Cumberbatch version of Sherlock Holmes.

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Paul Neff
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not necessarily psychopathy or sociopathy. That fact that OP demonstrates an urge to avoid consequences where they would cause emotional harm, is a valid form of empathy. It seems more likely they are not directly aware of their feelings, not that they do not exist.

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Anna Litical
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You obviously do care to some degree. If you didn't you wouldn't care about crushing them. I hope you understand yourself. YOU are you. You can't change how you feel.

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mammagoose
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my dear, this is classic depression. Please speak to your doctor; you owe it not only to your loved ones, but especially yourself. Life is too short to be wooden...

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Susan Bell
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get checked for depression. It often looks more like this than sadness. Try medication to see if it helps.

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Katherine Forest
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have you tried yoga? For most of my life I didn't think I had emotions. Through yoga I realized I was just holding them down by holding my breath. Emotions are the breath coursing through your body oxegenating your blood causing physical change in your makeup. You have to let the air travel up to your face to have feelings.

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“Our podcast, Deep Dark Secrets, covers the most depraved secrets of humanity,” Alecia shared. “We are currently focused on an online community in the deep and dark web that gain sexual gratification from watching women be raped, abused, tortured, and murdered. Much like the reddit thread you had referenced, there are thousands of people, mostly men, online who are sexually aroused by the idea of killing a woman, and having control of her corpse. I find this fetish/obsession to be extremely shocking and disturbing.”

#15

How many times a day that I wish I would die. Depression is a absolute c**t.

I am fairly certain that a medication I took for 6 months about 12 years ago is responsible.

Don't sic the admins on me. I keep on keeping on .

My survival rate for my bad days is 100%

Edit. The Medication was Chantix. And Wow the support I have gotten. Thank you and I love you.

Yourmomismyepicmount Report

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over it already
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Chantix really does screw with your brain. The dreams are wild. I was warned and prepared and still made me feel crazy for a bit.

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#16

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping My grandpa showed me a picture of a family reunion from back in the 70s. He pointed out this fat cat looking guy and told me that it was his cousin from New York. He said he would show up to these reunions and shower everyone in gifts. I googled the name and turns out that that guy was in the Mafia and had a very large part in a historic moment for organized crime.

WatDaFuxRong , Ron Lach Report

We also asked the hosts if they believe dark secrets should be brought to light. “I think deep dark secrets that surround murder and other horrific crimes should definitely be brought to the light,” LaDonna shared. “I've spent my entire life fighting for justice, and to me, justice can't be served if a deep dark secret is kept hidden.”

“If someone's dark secret is putting other people in danger of physical harm, I absolutely think It should be brought to light,” Alecia says.

#17

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping Not me but a family member.. she denies it still but I know the truth. I watched it happen. She was maybe 10 at the time.

She set a park amphitheater on fire. Decided she didn't want to go to jail so she found a cup in the trash and ran back and forth from the pond trying to put this massive fire out. Fire department showed up and saw her doing that. She got to ride home in the fire truck and they gave her an award for community action or something along those lines.

Suspicious_Feeling27 , Gustavo Fring Report

#18

One summer, I fell in love with my cousin when I (M) was 13 and she was 14. During her visit, she kissed me. I said we couldn't do that again and she agreed. But she added that she was glad that we kissed at least once. Nothing else physical ever happened between us.

We still see each other sometimes now. And every time we're together, I wish she could've been *anybody else's* cousin. Just not my cousin. She once told me outright that she wishes the same thing.

She brings her husband to family reunions, of course. He and I look alike, have the same hobbies, share the same sense of humor, etc. But so far, nobody seems to have noticed that she married my clone.

I asked her about that once. She said she really does love him and she loves her marriage. But she added "He was the next best thing."

EponymousTitular Report

LaDonna also pointed out that it’s important to clearly define what a deep dark secret is. “I feel like that definition could be different for each of us,” she told Bored Panda. “For me, a deep dark secret is horrific -- something as I said earlier that involves murder and other horrific crimes.  I do not think, however, that a deep dark secret includes romantic attraction, sexual preferences, or mental health problems. Our podcast is advocacy focused, which means we are fighting to make a difference on behalf of victims who have been raped, tortured, abused and murdered. It is our goal to make a difference and stop those deep dark secrets (like death fetish) that often turn deadly.”

If you’d like to listen to some episodes of the Deep Dark Secrets podcast, you can find their website right here, their Facebook page right here, and their Instagram right here

#19

Every time someone talks positively about their parents I feel an unavoidable deep sinking pain in my chest. I feel just short of hateful. I feel jealous, but mostly I feel pain. It’s always been this way. I’m in therapy, I have been for years, but lately I’m starting to feel like I’ll never get over the abuse and neglect and ongoing aloof victim b******t they each pull in their respective way. I’m exhausted from wanting to be loved and seen by people I know are not capable of that at all.

SirSteg Report

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Lori w
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah. I'm a year apart from my brother and I haven't talked to him in years. When people talk about how they get along with their sibling or their sibling helped them out, it's hard not to feel a little bitter.

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#20

I think about running away from my life almost daily. Not because it’s bad but just because I’m bored and think this can’t be all there is to it.

freefaller3 Report

#21

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping I've cremated all my relatives against their wishes. Burial is just too much man.

TheBrewGod , cottonbro studio Report

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Zophra
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unless said relative had pre-prepared a fund to cover their expensive funeral and burial costs, I don't think this person is in the wrong if they just couldn't financially afford it.

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#22

I'm secretly attracted to a guy at work. I'm a completely straight male. But whenever I see him get the butterflies. I'm married and have a wife. He's just kinda cute.

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#23

I once was involved in a university black market where they handed me out past exam papers because our professor never hands out one for us to practice. I studied them with a friend of mine.


A week after, it was the exact same exam word for word. Only the year changed. I memorized the answers off by heart. I finished in 45 mins, f****d around and pretended to think for 2 more hours to avoid getting caught.

I got a 95% in an engineering exam with a poker face.

engineer-cabbage Report

#24

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping I worked in a crematorium in the late 80's. We had a shelf in the back that we stored cheap plastic urns on. One night as I was sitting and waiting for one cremation to finish there was a loud crash that scared the sh*t out of me. When I went back to look the shelf had collapsed. I ended up just scooping the ashes back into the containers but never told anyone about it.

11011313 , cottonbro studio Report

#25

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping When I was 10 I saw a man stab his girlfriend at a rest stop and I pretended not to see anything

FrostyDog94 , Pixabay Report

#26

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping About 16 years ago, my parents (51 M/49 F at the time) got a divorce because my mother turned out to be cheating on my father with a 15 year old she had met in church.

Once the divorce was finalized, my father began to date his biological cousin and almost married her. This is the TL:DR version of what happened but it was a whirlwind of WTF moments for about 3 years as everything came out.

To this day, they act like nothing either of them did was wrong.

nonamesleft-- , Dương Nhân Report

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S Mi
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let's fix that first paragraph. 'My mother was sexually abusing a teenager'

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#27

I’m a guy and I enjoy wearing ladies underwear.

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#28

I love my wife dearly, but she's one of the least intelligent people I know. She struggles with very very basic things. Her whole family does. She's from a small town and wasn't exposed to a lot by her parents and their simple lifestyle.
She's said a few things that maybe some people would find cute for how ignorant they were, but I just get a little more depressed every time.

QuestionMarkPolice Report

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Kristi Savage Cook
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So I am curious why you thought you'd be a good match? Surely she didn't lose IQ points after the wedding...

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#29

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping For the past 9 years, I've been squirreling away money on offshore accounts. Just in case s**t hits the fan, I have something to start with a new life.

Kitch00000 , Pavel Danilyuk Report

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Two_rolling_black_eyes
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Offshore can just disappear and it's lost forever. Just ask the Swiss and the Nazis. Make sure you have something tangible as well for a scram bag. All it takes is one computer error changing an account number from I to 1 and the money is gone. Panama papers also showed the offshore can also just take your assets and run and there's no way to get it back.

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#30

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping I started hooking up with one of my closest friend’s ex not even a month after they broke up. It turned into semi dating and I even attended her mom and step dad’s small wedding. He would always complain that she wouldn’t do things in bed but she was an absolute freak with me and while that made me feel even more guilty it was also hot as f**k

She had him blocked on everything (related to the break up, he was no saint) and even after she moved back to South Korea and we ended things amicably I got ahold of his phone when he was drunk one night and blocked her from his social media just incase she ever decides to reach back out

It’s been 8 years and nobody knows

Woolong-Acquirer , Polina Sirotina Report

#31

My parents' lives have been difficult, whenever they call they just tell me it's hard that they want to die. I'm an only child. One time they called and shared the same stuff, I told them I was feeling the same way and would like to end things too (like let's die together then). My current partner doesn't know about this.

Edit: I am a bubbly person who's living solo, away from my parents since I might go insane if I stay with them. Sadly, they can still affect my well-being by one single call

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Dawnyducks
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They sound absolutely horrible. What parent says that to their child? Tell them you wont talk to them again until they have seen a therapist for x amount of time.

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#32

For almost 10 years and still going (Im 23) I love to bite and pick at the skin of my cheeks and inside of my lip until it bleeds. And when it starts healing i chew off the scab and gnaw on it until it dissipates. I've looked into this and everywhere i read it's a stress/anxiety coping mechanism as well as a repetitive body disfunction. Anyone else here ruins their lips

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Lori w
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a tendency to pick at the dry skin at my lips. I've gotten better by: recognizing I am getting rid of healthy skin every time I do this, using less drying Chapsticks (Clinique superbalm or eos have worked for me), using breathing techniques instead of picking, and practicing being gentle. I remind myself it's ok, you can leave it. Be kind to yourself ❤️

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#33

This is my darkest secret, i mixed a strong laxative in the juice of an obnoxious c**t of my class who got my whole day of college attendance cancelled because i didn't contribute in the crowdfunding for the birthday of our head of department. I was broke af was the reason.

Much-Yesterday5871 Report

#34

Not my deepest secret, but a card I keep pretty close to my chest:

Nearly every week of my life since age 19, I've had a vivid dream about my high school girlfriend.

I'm 47 now.

AdministrativeRisk34 Report

#35

I nearly killed my brother accidentally. When we were kids, we were playing outside and he just kinda annoyed me. So I went home, got a can of peas, and then proceed to throw it at his head. He crumpled and was unconscious for a bit. I remember freaking out that maybe I killed him but he came to several minutes later. To this day, almost 19 years later, he doesn’t remember anything, and he doesn’t seem to have any neurological problems, he seems normal. I haven’t told anyone this, not even my parents. I just told them he fell and hit his head when they noticed the lump on his head, but didn’t mention that he was unconscious.

marumarumon Report

#36

I fell in love with a married man when I was in college. I have never told anyone and as far as I know his wife never found out. He passed away a few years ago from a heart attack. After we ended our affair I cut off all contact with him and he moved to another state. I didn't attend the funeral but I still grieve for him. Even though it was wrong I still love him.

Content_Pool_1391 Report

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Debbie
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Love can't be controlled. It should be two sentences. "It was wrong" and: "I still love him". It being wrong doesn't make you stop loving someone.

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#37

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping I fell in love with my brothers wife a few years ago, they're separated now but I never even seriously thought about making a move. I have a girlfriend now and even the thought of one of my brothers being into her makes me angry. I never would have made a move, but that thought seriously puts things into perspective on how uncool it was for me to think about her like that. I think about and regret it a lot.

Steel-Necromancer , christopher lemercier Report

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emilymrangel avatar
over it already
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can't control feelings. It sounds like you did control your actions, so I see nothing to feel regretful of. I still wouldn't tell my brother if I were you, but you shouldn't need to carry any guilt or regret.

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#38

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping I had a drunken argument with my travelling buddy when in Asia together years ago... She became physical and started shoving me around, became incredibly intimidating, screaming in my face etc. I left the bar we were at and went back to our hostel room ... I was so annoyed at her I scrubbed the unsanitary Asian toilet in our room with her toothbrush....
Despite my horror on realising what I had done in the morning, I didn't tell her.

She came down with the worst D+V the evening after.... Ended up on a drip in some tourist hospital. Was in said hospital for about 3 days... Whoops.

Adorable-Hearing8448 , Greta Hoffman Report

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Loverboy
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You two got in an argument so you put her in the hospital. Well, I can understand the anger you were feeling and what she did in the first place wasn't right... but come on.

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#39

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping I’m not in love with my wife anymore but can’t leave because of the kids.

Edit: I’m in love with her sister. Who is also in an unhappy relationship

armourbound , Nik Shuliahin Report

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Loverboy
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Staying together might not be the best thing for your kids, though. While divorcing would certainly be a process and it might be confusing, it might also be for the better. I would want any potential kids of mine to grow up seeing a loving relationship, not a forced one.

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#40

“I’ve Cremated All My Relatives Against Their Wishes”: 40 Dark Secrets People Are Keeping I did a favor for an organized crime figure in the 90’s.

TheMadIrishman327 , cottonbro studio Report

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