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“Get A Lower-Paying Job”: 24 Times People Gave Ultimatums That Didn’t Work Out For Them
Article created by: Ilona Baliūnaitė
Once the honeymoon stage is long gone and you’ve entered the stable, possibly monotonous, era of your relationship, it might be time to consider whether you’re truly happy. You may love the comfortable and drama-free rhythm that you and your partner have gotten into, or there might be something eating away at you saying that a change is necessary. In that case, it might be time to consider an ultimatum.People sometimes find ultimatums necessary to get engaged, get their partner to quit an unhealthy habit and more. But issuing one should not be taken lightly, as they always have the potential to blow up a relationship. Reddit users have been recalling ultimatums that were proposed in their previous relationships, so we’ve gathered some of their juiciest stories below. Enjoy scrolling through, and keep reading to find a conversation with London Celebrity Therapist Nia Williams from Miss Date Doctor!
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#1
An ex once told me that I needed to get a lower paying job so I made less than him or we were over as it was "wrong" for me to make more than the man in the relationship. I told him to have the life he deserved.
RELATED:
#2
I had an ex with whom I broke up in very bad terms. After a few months, started seeing someone else. Then, a mutual friend tipped me she was going through a major mental health crisis, and in a dire need of help. Said friend was herself effectively homeless, and couldn't really do anything. I, on the other hand, was doing okay. Or, at the very least, I had some funds I could use for an emergency.
As hurt as I was - I wasn't going to let her rot in the street. We came up with a plan to get my ex into rehab and psychiatric care. It wasn't cheap, but it was doable. She wouldn't see me, or even know I had anything to do with it. I told my new girlfriend about it, of course. Not just because she needed to know, but also... I was just concerned, stressed, upset, worried and sad. But also, yeah, she needed to know what was up.
My girlfriend was furious, and refused to hear anything about it. She insisted that me helping my ex in any way at all meant I wanted her back. No amount of explaining (No, I don't want her back. The whole point of the plan is that I don't have to interact with her. I just... Don't want her to be in danger, or to suffer) made any difference. Eventually, she gave me an ultimatum: unless I drop the whole thing, she's out.
I sent my ex to rehab. We never spoke. I regret nothing.
#3
It was either I blindly accept the baby she was pregnant with was mine, or have her take a dna test and have her leave.
The DNA test confirmed... I was NOT the father.
#4
I am and have been involved in community theatre for a very long time. Dated a guy for a year. He thought it took up too much of my life when he wanted us to be doing other things, (get married, have a baby.) So I got the “theatre or me” talk. Chose theatre, no regrets. He wasn’t totally wrong, I get those things were important to him. But I am not going to sacrifice a huge part of my life that fulfills me and makes me happy to do those things for him in his life. It would be a terrible start to a marriage. Where ever he is, hope he found what he was looking for. I’m still happy with the choice.
Mike Goslin 2 months ago
Marriage requires sacrifice. If this guy wasn't worth giving up community theater, the marriage wouldn't have worked.
#5
My ex filed for divorce, and handed me the papers. He was mooching around the house (my dad gently told him to move out later) and whined, “You love that cat more than you love me.” and I said, “Yeah, my cat’s been with me for 13 years and isn’t filing for divorce.” Sheesh.
#6
Posted this story a few times: Ex told me she had cancer. Wanted to know if I was willing to be with her 100%. Found out it was a test. She lied to me, and then I just had to give myself an ultimatum. Leave this beautiful, stunning woman who was richer than me, smarter than me, and be single, or be prepared to be unhappy. I picked to be single. I'm getting married in a few weeks to this beautiful girl I met. She makes my day everyday.
#7
I gave my ex an ultimatum. she could either be my girlfriend and a mother to her daughter, or she could be her teenage daughters drinking buddy.
I left 5 years ago.
#8
She told me to grow with her in her relationship with Jesus christ and the Lord. She now has a child with a man she is not married to. How ironic.
#9
We had 2 healthy kids. 2nd one almost died in childbirth and it freaked me out. I said I wanted a vasectomy. She said it's a 3rd kid or divorce. I came from a broken family and couldn't leave my kids. We had a 3rd. It was huge and wrecked her pelvic floor and our finances which is what I was afraid of. So now we are broke, but we have 3 beautiful kids I adore. I love my wife, she is an amazing mother but I'll never love her as much as I used to, because now I know I'm expendable.
#10
My high school GF and I were together for 3 years. Senior year and 2 years after high school. Well i guess we kind of great complacent in our relationship while going to college and working and she broke up with me. In her words it was basically a game to see if "I truly loved her". We still kind of hung out after that but nowhere near as much. Then I met my current wife of 5 years (together 9). Well when my ex found out she basically told me her plan about breaking up with me and was desperate to get back together officially. Nope I'm good, if it wasn't working before it's not going to magically work now. I found out years later that she had told people I cheated on her. We weren't even on a "break", we were broken up. I'm not one to sit around like a puppy dog waiting to be called a good boy for someone who broke up with me.
#11
I'd just spent the last 5 years hoping and praying my fiance would beat cancer. She did. She was ~~finally out of remission~~ officially cancer-free. The coast was clear, our future brighter than ever. A few months later, she wrote me a long letter informing me that if I wasn't comfortable with her spending nights out with her boss going to dinners and/or movies, I did not understand love, and we should end things. She promised he was just like a sister to her and there was nothing to worry about. It turns out, there was. She was madly in love with him. Leaving her was one of the most heartbreaking and wise decisions I've ever made.
#12
My wife (girlfriend at the time) said "I'm getting close to 30, and I want to have a kid before then. I want very badly for it to be with you. If that's not in your plans though, then there is no point in being together, because I will just end up resenting you for it". I chose to stay with her, and soon thereafter we started our little family. It was, by far, the best decision I ever made.
#13
Lol I was 19 and pledging a sorority, my boyfriend was 25 and super unhappy about the whole thing. I did not know/ realize he was emotionally abusive and he was legitimately getting upset that I had friends outside of him. He called me right when he knew I had pledging stuff to do, it was literally on the schedule I shared with him. My 'big sister' decided to answer for me and he screamed at her until she gave me the phone. He told me to pick my sorority big sister or him. I picked my big sister and I don't regret it one bit! Those ladies taught me so much about conflict resolution, emotional abuse, boundaries and so much more. He destroyed my PlayStation and all the stuff I left at his house but it was worth it, I dodged a bullet.
#14
My ex was so adamant that we had to move to Florida neverminding the fact I was gainfully employed in a very specific niche that doesn't exist that often so it would have been incredibly difficult to find a similar position. Not to mention they were unemployed.
Eventually she pulled the "I'm moving to Florida with or without you" So... I took the out and stayed in California.
She begged to come back a year later and had to take a job in Alaska since she had no income and needed something that would hire with a living quarter on site.
#15
Nothing, just broke up with them. The idea a woman could even imagine she had a chance to stay between me and my children is offensive.
#17
Friend of mine not me but his gf complained he was "gaming too much". And he promised to change.
...Then Skyrim came out.
#19
Boyfriend was living at home with his parents. We got together when he was 25. He smoked a lot of weed and had zero ambition. He got jobs only because I wrote resumes and networked on his behalf. When he turned 29 I told him if we have not moved in together in our own space by the time he turned 30, I’m leaving the relationship because it’s going no where, In 2015 he turned 30 in February. Our relationship was going no where. He would be satisfied living with his hoarder parents together. I left the relationship in August 2015. Looking back on it, I know I shouldn’t have gotten in a relationship with him in the first place.
#20
He wanted me to be an Air Force wife or he didn't see a future for us. I was barely halfway through college, and I had decided as a teenager that I didn't want to even consider getting married before I was 25. He broke up with me, and about a year later I met the man who is now my husband. That was 22 years ago. 🙂.
#21
"It's me or the music" when I had just started my first ever band a little over a year before. We had just recorded an album and were about to embark on a small pub tour during the summer. It was trash admittedly, but we had a blast, and it inspired me to get to where I am today. Turns out she put an ultimatum on me not just because of my time away, but because she was cheating with several guys. Now I'm living with my gf/soon to be wife working my dream job. I conduct a choir, play in several bands, write my own stuff, write arrangements for several bands and choirs, and teach a bit on the side. Last I heard, she's apparently made her passion her line of work, too. How the turn tables.
#22
My ex was the one who got the ultimatum. The ultimatum was that he had to stop talking to the last woman he'd cheated on me with or I was out. (He'd previously promised to stop talking to her but he never did.) When I learned he was still talking to her and gave the ultimatum, he pushed back and said he wasn't going to do that. I left him on ghost after that. Good riddance. Hope he's enjoyed his relationship with his "kindred spirit." Cheaters deserve each-other.
#23
She wanted me to move across the country. We met on a summer-after-senior-year organized trip for 2 months, enjoyed each others company, but the logistics just didn’t work out. I could’ve taken 6-12 months off of college to transfer closer to her, but decided to go to my dream school and be closer to my family
Where I ended up meeting my now-wife and things have been pretty ok.
#24
Found out she had an affair. Said to her it's either her or marriage counselling for us. Slowly getting into a relationship with a new lady, she made her choice 👌.
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