Husband “Blindsides” Wife With An Ultimatum After He Sees She Really Doesn’t Care
Relationships are work. They require a lot of time, effort, and energy from both sides. So, when things are starting to get shaky, everyone has to stop what they’re doing and focus on putting in the work.
However, sometimes, the shakiness is not visible right away. It starts as a rumble, with things being a little off and partners being a little tired and slowly progresses into something bigger.
This seems to be what had happened in the following story. The relationship started cooling down after having a child and never picked up. Read on to find out what it eventually led to, and why the author of the story turned to the Am I The Jerk subreddit.
If relationship dissatisfaction lingers for too long, partners will start taking drastic measures to get what they want
Image credits: insidecreativehouse (not the actual photo)
That’s what happened to the man in this story who couldn’t stand living without intimacy
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Key-Salamander5906
It’s hard not to feel bad for the man
It is easy to understand the man’s frustration. He has needs that haven’t been met for years, and he is longing for connection and attention that his wife is not willing to give. The dismissal is definitely hurtful, and one can only stay in an unfulfilled relationship for so long.
It also seems like he tried to genuinely work on their relationship. The author elaborated in the comments that he had multiple conversations about the situation with his partner that led to quick fixes, but, unfortunately, no lasting impact.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
The wife’s perspective here is also important
Of course, we don’t know the whole situation. The wife might be right about feeling blindsided. Sure, they did have conversations about it, but we can’t be certain how clearly the importance of intimacy was communicated. Maybe she didn’t think it was a deal-breaker.
Another thing of note that the author did point out is that the change happened after they had a child. Having children is a major change in a couple’s personal life that also shakes up the relationship dynamic. This could have affected the wife in more than one way that eventually manifested in her being distant.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Ultimatums only work in certain situations
If you ever get to a place in a relationship where you have to be throwing threats of leaving for something to happen, is it even worth it? Apparently, sometimes, it is.
In general, relationship experts encourage people to avoid ultimatums. Setting boundaries and having constant communication is a way healthier approach to a partnership. Regular relationship check-ins where you discuss what makes you happy and what’s troubling you is a good way to keep the conversation going.
However, sometimes, when a partner doesn’t respond to invitations to work on the relationship, ultimatums might be the only way to sort things out. They can work as a last-ditch effort to influence a partner if they are willing to hear this wake-up call.
The important thing here is to follow through with the ultimatum. Promises to leave only go that far if they keep being repeated but never acted upon.
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
The man shared a few more details about the relationship in the comments
A lot of people agreed that his actions are justified
At the end of the discussion, the man decided that moving on from the relationship might be the best option
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She clearly doesn't prioritise him - she choses work and socialising with friends over her husband. She also dismisses his concerns and clearly doesn't value his feelings. And my 5 year old is still talking about the holiday we took him on so that bit is also b******t. To be honest she sounds like she's checked out on her child too. I'd say counselling, etc but you have to be open for that to work - Father needs to prioritise himself and his child.
It very much could be early menopause and with that the hormones go null. It brings on depression and apathy is very much a symptom of depression. As I experienced this condition. See an On-gyn and your dr. But my first thought is she’s cheating.
Only 5 years after having a baby and started right after they had the kiddo, could also be untreated postpartum depression or anxiety.
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I'd like to hear her side of it. Besides, men have expected women to put up with this forever and not complain, maybe there's some other issue we don't know about. He makes himself sound perfect but I'd like to hear from unbiased 3rd party observers.
I don't know why you got downvotes. Your point is absolutely valid, and exactly what I was thinking myself. It's impossible to understand what is going on without hearing about what her experience of the marriage is. My exhusband told everyone we knew that I was frigid and unfeeling while he was the best of husbands. What they didn't hear was about his financial dishonesty, his verbal and emotional abuse, his addiction to Ritalin...
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She clearly doesn't prioritise him - she choses work and socialising with friends over her husband. She also dismisses his concerns and clearly doesn't value his feelings. And my 5 year old is still talking about the holiday we took him on so that bit is also b******t. To be honest she sounds like she's checked out on her child too. I'd say counselling, etc but you have to be open for that to work - Father needs to prioritise himself and his child.
It very much could be early menopause and with that the hormones go null. It brings on depression and apathy is very much a symptom of depression. As I experienced this condition. See an On-gyn and your dr. But my first thought is she’s cheating.
Only 5 years after having a baby and started right after they had the kiddo, could also be untreated postpartum depression or anxiety.
Load More Replies... I'd like to hear her side of it. Besides, men have expected women to put up with this forever and not complain, maybe there's some other issue we don't know about. He makes himself sound perfect but I'd like to hear from unbiased 3rd party observers.
I don't know why you got downvotes. Your point is absolutely valid, and exactly what I was thinking myself. It's impossible to understand what is going on without hearing about what her experience of the marriage is. My exhusband told everyone we knew that I was frigid and unfeeling while he was the best of husbands. What they didn't hear was about his financial dishonesty, his verbal and emotional abuse, his addiction to Ritalin...
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