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It’s that time of year when summer is drawing to a close and autumn is on the horizon — and witty moms and dads can’t wait to tell everyone about the hilarious shenanigans their little daredevils came up with this past month. As you can guess, it’s time for Bored Panda’s newest batch of funny and relatable parenting tweets: August edition!
As parents had another four weeks dealing with the hilarious antics of their kids, we continue to acknowledge just how demanding and rewarding this business of being a parent is. Because parenthood is a challenge where you never know what your little one will say or do next, so you must be prepared for virtually anything, especially taking their amusing nuggets of wisdom online.
Even after juggling work and home life and making sure there's always a meal on the table, people still manage to find time to commiserate with fellow adults and crack everyone up on Twitter. So we have gone through the platform and wrapped up a collection of the twist, turns, and funny in-betweens parents had the pleasure of surviving this month. Be sure to upvote your favorite tweets and let us know about your own recent adventures in the comments!
Psst! After you're done laughing through this list, there's plenty more entertaining content in our earlier pieces from July, June, and May.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Philly Bob Squires 3 years ago
I'm flippin' DYING over this! LOL! (I've worked in restaurants!)
RELATED:
#2
Nadine Debard 3 years ago
Ouch that hurts even more than scrolling down the effing 'year of birth calendar' for centuries before finding yours.
Sue User 3 years ago
I was on a website the other day and you had to pick your birthday from a stupid monthly calendar. So one scroll for every month. If you are 30 , thats over 300 scrolls. Ludicrous.
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Michael Largey 3 years ago
For kids, all events that are more than six months in the past happened simultaneously.
#3
3 Owls In A Coat 3 years ago
Idk, sounds plausible to me 🤷♀️ Kids can be pretty random! Maybe she saw it in a tv show :)
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Peign Gaming 3 years ago
Did she find the negative pregnancy test? She could really be bummed she's not getting promoted to big sister.
As everyone is starting to feel the autumn blues, parents face new challenges since the kids are switching back to classrooms. After all, it’s a conflicting time for moms and dads all across the globe. On one hand, it’s a chance for them to finally unwind and know their little one will be someone else’s problem for at least one part of the day. On the other, they’re bound to miss these beautiful creatures and their never-ending pranks.
But for children who haven’t flexed their brain cells in months, it can feel daunting. They have been waking up later, playing outside, and going on all sorts of adventures throughout the summer, so September changes can be disruptive. But according to Rachel Busman, Psy.D., a former senior director of the Anxiety Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute, NYC, assessing how your child feels is key. "Keep the talk brief and open-ended. You might say, 'What's on your mind when you think of school?'" she told Parents.
Dr. Busman pointed out that returning to daily routines won't be a problem if parents prepare beforehand. "Some things will be easy and some may be difficult. But after an initial adjustment period, kids will settle back in."
#4
Fluffy mommy panda 3 years ago
I know what this child is thinking. "Oh they did it, but mommy you said I couldn't do it?"
Ghaniyah Verma 3 years ago
Kid, what they wrote wasn't considered graffiti, unlike your writing.
#5
Nina Harper 3 years ago
That comment was supposed to be about the Egyptians writing on walls. Just to be clear.
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Shauna Rovinski 3 years ago
I was throwing up one day and no joke, my son was asking to play switch.
#6
Dave Nalesnik 3 years ago
“Ukulele macaroni” will instantly disable any stringed instrument by rendering it floppy. Indispensible in “sensitive guy with a guitar” scenarios.
Trond Øien 3 years ago
That spell plays your favorite music and puts a plate of your favorite food on the table. Ukulele Macaroni!
Colonel Cornelius Cornwall 3 years ago
My spell makes thing's cring the actavtion word is YOUR MOM< DAD AND ME HAD A THREESOME LAST NIGHT
Getting back to a healthy sleep routine is one way to ease kids into the change. The expert explained that gradually moving bedtime earlier by a half hour each week before school starts will help with the transition. However, it’s important to ensure the children know this decision is not up for debate. "Be firm and clear: 'I know you've enjoyed staying up late, and you can a little on the weekends. Starting Monday, bedtime will be at such and such time,'" Dr. Busman added.
If your little one rejects the idea, come up with fun pre-bedtime activities like reading or playing music to show that bedtime is something to look forward to. And if you are a parent to a few munchkins, it’s best to make it a one-on-one experience. "Kids crave time when they feel like the center of the universe, so make it a special thing between you—or whoever has the bedtime shift—and them," Dr. Busman suggested.
#7
Danish Dynomummy 3 years ago
My kid once came Home with Gouda, after sending him candy shopping... He was 14
Kirs Ten 3 years ago
you raised that kid well, im proud of you! *pats you on the shoulder*
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T. Unnamable 3 years ago
In the early 60s our JHS class went to the big city (Columbia, SC) for a school trip. Our last stop was at a big department store to do a little shopping. One of my classmates bought a watermelon to carry back to the country.
#8
Deborah B 3 years ago
"I'm on vacation until [date]. Due to the high volume of emails that will no longer be relevent by the time I return, email filtering has been activated. If your email is still relevent after I return on [date], please re-send it at that time. If the matter is urgent, [co-worker] or [manager] will be able to assist you."
Yvette Desmarais 3 years ago
This is why Outlook has created the ability to delay your email delivery until after the person has returned.
Load More Replies... Hey! 3 years ago
Our then teenage daughter was gone for the summer so our recording was something like: "Please note xxx is gone for the summer, please call again in the fall. If by any chance this phone call is for her parents, be aware that we're not too good at retrieving messages. To be sure, call us back in a few hours." Well, good thing we put that in because a local bookstore called about my husband's book signing event!
GoldfishCrackers 3 years ago
This right here gives me a lot of faith in the work-life balance of future generations.
Tamsin Far 3 years ago
Actually, this ist what some companies around here have defined as standard for summer vacation.
Roe Rainrunner 3 years ago
Exactly, cause often the subject was resolved later by another person so you read something that has been done already. I love it :)
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That other Panda 3 years ago
When you try to think of a funny comment but forget what the heck you’re going to say so just explain your situation to the world and damn I’m thinking & typing at the same time again.
anime girl 3 years ago
I was gonna write a geeky reply but I’m tired so imma do it later
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Abby 3 years ago
I could totally read a book at a metallica concert. I used to ro listen to and justice for all, all the time qhen I was doing homework
Natty Tempest 3 years ago
Err... I know what you mean, but having grown up in heavy metal and with neighbours who don't understand that there is a method of communication quieter than "SCREAM YOUR FREAKING LOUDEST BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW ABY BETTER"... That actually sounds more appealing because the music would be better than water chart trash the neighbours are deafening themselves to... I'm going back to Terry Pratchett while listening to Iron Maiden now...
BasedWang12.3 3 years ago
my mom real talk straight read a book with a reading light during a Slipknot concert she took me and my friends to
Another challenge that can seem intimidating for the kids is being apart from their moms and dads. Of course, this may be a temporary concern because they can quickly adjust while surrounded by other children and participating in engaging activities. But to ease the shift, Laura S. Olivos, Psy.D., a psychologist at the Olive Tree Center for Child and Family Psychology in Miami Beach, advised you to try out a three-pronged approach to address separation anxiety in your child.
According to Dr. Olivos, it’s best to start by creating structured routines to balance the nervous system. For example, you can design a visual schedule filled with colors that allow your little one to know the activities and tasks for the day. Then, let your child make choices in their routine so they can feel in control and be more autonomous.
"The third thing I would do is normalize worries and offer tools they can use to cope," Dr. Olivos said. These include mindfulness, breathing exercises, or anything else that helps your child to calm down. "Encourage them to breathe through their anxiety. And tell them you're proud of them for working through this."
#10
Me Oh My 3 years ago
And shouting at squirrels to get offa his bird feeder.
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TheBadHalfofHel 3 years ago
I am so sorry you have one of 'those kids' ....( ❤️ Five Finger Death Punch)
Susan Bosse 3 years ago
We saw them last night here in Dallas!! AMAZING show. Fire From The Gods, The Hu, Megadeth, & 5FDP! Wearing my shirt right now. #RockOn
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Susan Bosse 3 years ago
Sounds like my mom today after my sending videos in the family text from the 5FDP show in last night. Her "Idk how y'all like that noise." (I'm 53 and my son is 20) I replied "And idk how you continually seem baffled by my choice in music after 40 years."
#11
Sheila Stamey 3 years ago (edited)
I once walked in the bathroom and saw written on the mirror in lipstick, " Amy is a terd" Amy being my oldest child. I leaned out and yelled, " whoever wrote the message, it's turd, not terd." I waited, and caught my youngest going in for the rewrite. 😂
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
See, and my stepdaughter told me yesterday, that I was the "best stepmother she never had!" (she's still learning the difference between "never" and "ever", she's 6).
#12
Pirates of Zen Pants 3 years ago
The killer is when Mommy Cocktail simply hasn't lost the pregnancy weight from giving birth to kiddo. Sending you a bottle of bourbon, Mommy Cocktail.
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Apparently I had the biggest butt in the world ( I weighed about 140lbs at the time)
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AtomKat 3 years ago
Not a child per say, but my brother recently told me that my legs did not go with my outfit.
Signe Manat Hansen 3 years ago
Who's been teaching him that being fat is something to be sorry for?
For some parents, this can be an emotional time, too. Being separated from your child can feel like a chaotic journey filled with worries and countless twists and turns, and it can be incredibly hard. But let's face it, what do you do when things in life are seriously demanding? You poke fun at them, of course! Because laughter is the best medicine and the best way to take it is to laugh through the hilarious jokes moms and dads share online that talk all about the truth of raising kids.
#13
Trillian 3 years ago
My favorite quote from Modern Family: I'm a mom travelling with her kids. That's not a vacation, that's a business trip.
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
No way! Business trips are way more relaxing. It's more like advancing into enemy lines in uncharted terrain. Keep supplies close and well stocked. Don't forget to change your socks at least once a day. You'll be sleeping in shifts in order to prevent enemy action at night, always go for second watch, as the enemy will go to bed super late, but also get up super early.
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GenXandEarnedItAll 3 years ago (edited)
Vacation for a mom is basically packing up your entire house, transporting it to another house, unpacking it for a week, packing it back up, and going back home. The only difference is I drink a lot more because there are other families all around and we watch each other's kids.
Greg Williams 3 years ago
Thankfully my parents and I have very similar ideas of vacationing. They ask over summer "you want to do anything this summer" I say no and we spend our weekends sitting in comfortable clothes drinking coffee and playing video games surrounded by cats
Fluffy mommy panda 3 years ago
It be more hectic really. The stress 😬😅 people that do that are brave
Michael Largey 3 years ago
"There are two levels of travel - first class and with children." - Robert Benchley
#14
Ladytron 3 years ago
Yup. I mean... I once met a really cute little girl named Humla (bumblebee) and I was dead set on naming one of my kids that. But then I realized that if my boss/doctor/prime minister etc came to me and introduced themselves as "Humla" I might not take them seriously enough...and isn't the goal of every parent to want their kids to have the best chance to succeed in life?
Ivo H 3 years ago
Exactly. We might be as inclusive as possible, not judging by the name as it's something they didn't choose to live with, but that won't be the case with majority of people.
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Gemma Gilbert 3 years ago
I've just read an article about a couple naming there baby Samnella a combination of the parents names. They wasn't impressed when someone told them it sounds like salmonella. If they go a head with that name they had better start saving for Samnella's counselling when she gets older.
Jessica B 3 years ago
If you just leave out the n Samella sounds pretty cool to me and doesn't invoke food borne illness so much.
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icamon 3 years ago
I know a Candy Apple. Her last is legitimately Apple. She loves her name. People don't forget it.
Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago
Funny thing is I have seen name Abcde so many times I just read that as Dr. Absidy Smith.
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Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
I really wanted to name a future daughter Poppy, but with a flower last name (Rose), it's just too cutesy. What if she wants to be an attorney? I figure I'll just call her that as a nickname (just between us).
Amanda Rose 3 years ago
Hello fellow Rose surname holder! I don't see too many of us out and about.
Load More Replies... Amanda Rose 3 years ago
Knew a girl in high school who had the name Khaki, as in the color. Her parents just randomly named her that two hours after she was born.
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Yes but then again Marijuana Pepsi Vandyck is doing pretty well for herself. Still must've been rough as a kid but kinda funny having that name on a PhD thesis
#15
Izzy Curer 3 years ago
I guess she meant out of the house? She wanted to go home? Same kid. Same.
As Holly Connors, author of the acclaimed blog Simplify Create Inspire and a working mom of two energetic girls, told Bored Panda in an earlier interview, parents need to keep it real. "Parenting can feel very isolated, especially if you do not have a great support system around you," she said. "This is where the online world can be both a great help and a hindrance. There is definitely some media that makes you feel like you are failing and this has absolutely no benefit for anyone. Especially not a parent navigating daily struggles as they learn alongside their child."
"However, hearing other people share stories of struggles, wins and very relatable moments is a great reminder that we aren't alone and that there is a massive community out there of people to connect with and learn from."
#16
Pirates of Zen Pants 3 years ago
With an imagination like that, the kid can ghostwrite George R. R. Martin's next book.
Helen 3 years ago
Has she been watching horrible histories? Think it was Walter Raleigh's wife who carried his embalmed head around in a velvet bag for the rest of his life. She may have been a little mad.
Hannah Hudson-Lee 3 years ago
Or like Margaret Roper rescuing her father Thomas More's head after his execution by Henry VIII... ...and then pickling it.
Load More Replies... Fluffy mommy panda 3 years ago
Well that nice .......I now see this in my mind and it is .......werid lol
#17
Sharkbait1313 3 years ago
A couple of weeks ago my daughter said in her sleep... "alexa, turn off music"
Kckittycat 3 years ago
Mine was a cat when he got his 5 year old vaccines and hissed at the nurse instead of crying so I took it as a win
Fluffy mommy panda 3 years ago
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 okay my 9yr old and 6 yr old have be held down. But my 4 yr old takes like a champ. She use to not to either. But since she turned 2 she done pretty good. Crazy she is the youngest.
Load More Replies... Glitterati 3 years ago (edited)
My 6 year old kid got moved to the front of class for barking in response to her name during roll call. She’d been playing dogs and owners with her buddy before school and had been told she couldn’t talk, only woof. She was committed. Her teacher wasn’t.
Michael Rowe 3 years ago
My kids won't step out of role as animals to speak without first saying "pause game".
Póilín De Brú 2 years ago
My 10yo was watching Kangaroo Valley. She said "My leg is twitching, look, I wish I was a kongaroo" It was twitching, I know she wishes she could be any animal at any given moment. She's usually flaking around on all fours being a wolf, but guess what she was today? A kongaroo
#18
Rider 3 years ago
School support staff - ditto. I also get nervous when called to the principals office, they only do that to dump on you.
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Ray Arani 3 years ago
This is legit my son's morning routine. He's hated the waking up process since infancy and now as a middle schooler he sets his alarm for 5:30am on school days so he has plenty of time to be upset about being awake. By the time he leaves for the bus at 7:10 he's actually in a decent mood.
Parenting is hardly ever easy, but Holly reminded us there are plenty of positive and rewarding experiences that make all efforts worthwhile. "The best part of the parenting journey is seeing your child grow and adapt through each stage of development and marveling at the incredible resilience children show," she told us.
"We can learn a lot from our kids and there is no greater magic than appreciating the world through their eyes and their unique perspectives. Something you have seen and done 1000 times is suddenly new and exciting as they experience it for the first time. No other bond that compares to this!"
#19
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
Lol, that's my 7. Me: Don't forget to brush your teeth! Her: Great! This is going to be the worst day of my life!
Verified Loser 3 years ago
Fun story and not sure why this popped into my head here lol... My 7 yr old son hates wind and we were at the bus stop one morning. I was trying to explain why he didn't need to be afraid and he held up his hand, cut me off, and screeched "Who lives like this!!?" After I said he needed to get used to the weather where we live. We live in Ohio... Horrible fail on my part 😂
#20
Mohsie Supposie 3 years ago
Congratulations!! I need to teach my kids AND my wife how to do that!
artbyce 3 years ago
I need to teach my BF! He will literally just balance the new roll on top of the empty roll.
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censorshipsucks 3 years ago
I believe THIS is correct. die-630f1a...60c289.jpg 
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
I'll be happy when they just flush the toilet. Nothing like lifting the lid to a floater
B Jean the Jelly Bean 3 years ago
My sister hung a sign in her bathroom that said "Replacing the toilet paper will NOT cause brain damage". This was after one of the kids sent a text from the bathroom requesting a roll of TP.
#21
RandomFrog(He/They️️) 3 years ago
I can confirm it does go like that haha. Went to lagoon last saturday, stayed away from big rides cuz I’m a scaredy car and now I want to go on a sky swing…
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QsGadgets 3 years ago
Weirdly exactly like letting a dog out, especially late at night when you just want to go back to bed.
Bruce Robb 3 years ago
I think it's more like letting a cat out then back in, then back out, then back... You get the idea.
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Ghaniyah Verma 3 years ago
Me: I wanna ride it! Me: *on the roller coaster* I think I'm starting to regret my decisions. Decidophobia, I guess.
As parents, you also need to be able to laugh and make fun of all the little things, too. Holly told us that humor is among the most important things every household should have. "The simple act of being able to find joy in small moments every day greatly improves our well-being and satisfaction with life, even during the hardest of seasons."
#23
Family Osborne 2 years ago
My brother gets so mad when he says "I'll kick you in the wee!" and I go "I'ma girl, I don't have a wee." and he just goes "I'll kick you in the GIRL WEE!" lmaooo
Natty Tempest 3 years ago
As a new father... I am trying to think of a retort that does not involve holding them by an ankle and waiting for them to say they are sorry...
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
After I spank him for threatening me, I'd inform him abt mothers & balls
#24
Alexis minnix 3 years ago
Or she knows exactly what she’s talking about and that’s what she’s going to do when you die.
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
She's not far Wrong... they do eat & laugh at the repast after your funeral
Holly added laughter is also a way to build stronger and more resilient relationships with your partner and your little ones. "It can help keep the bond between a couple strong when they are learning together on the parenthood journey, reminding them they are a team capable of great things together, including fun!"
#25
Pirates of Zen Pants 3 years ago
Oh, shoot. This reminds me of the time that my brother-in-law had an asthma attack. He asked his young son to get his inhaler, and the son continued playing videogames while his Dad was fighting for breath. The son has since grown up and turned out great, but that was a rough day.
Me Oh My 3 years ago
Yeesh. I hope the kid got in trouble, and I hope that someone got Dad's inhaler.
Load More Replies... Ghaniyah Verma 3 years ago
You know, this reminds me. I always love good music over anything else at all.
#26
Bella V 3 years ago
I love this I am buying this shirt (or making it) for my daughter when she has my grandbaby in April. lol
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Skeeter 3 years ago
Just because your child exhibits a talent for something doesn't mean it has to become their new activity for life. My mom blew the joy out of my love for singing and playing the piano and violin before I was out of junior high school. I was 4 when I showed a penchant for music.
Lastly, the mom-of-two stressed that parenthood is the most wonderful time in your life and the most challenging. "And it's perfectly normal for it to be both! It's also okay to admit that it's hard! Surround yourself with positive influences and media that make you feel good during this time. If something makes you feel worse, it's not for you. Your journey is nothing like anyone else's and it will never look Instagram perfect. Many people will share their highlights reel, so find people that allow you to be you and share the good, the bad and the messy moments too," she concluded.
#28
Bananaramamama 3 years ago
I got so used to coming up with those uses for the company field between kids friends and activities my husband is even listed as Company: HUSBAND
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James016 3 years ago
When your kid starts school, you lose your name, you are just "kid's" mum or dad.
Danish Dynomummy 3 years ago
I second that! Just Yesterday a Girl yelled 'goodmorning Sagas mom' and I, ofcourse, replied 'and goodmorning to you Dianas daughter' lol
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LuckyL 3 years ago
Mine are "Amy (Bailey)" - or "Amy (Bailey,John)" if it's two kids, and in some cases even the partners name too ^^. Can't remember this stuff if I don't write it down
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 3 years ago
I do this with everyone. "Bob from Internet Electronics who is friends with Joe"
Lightning and Thunder 2 years ago
My mom has some of my friends numbers and it’s like “(friends name) Eleanor’s friend and for the parents it’s like that
Ines Olabarria-Smith 3 years ago
Don’t have kids, most of my contacts have a dogs name as a last name
#29
Trillian 3 years ago
Also, none of the stuff on the supply list is in stock anywhere and has to be ordered especially. No switching brands!
Dillon Brown 3 years ago
And no personalization! All your kids stuff will be taken from them and they shall receive instead the dollar store brand despite the fact that you followed instructions and got the expensive one specified!
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Kckittycat 3 years ago
And after you finally get that one item a week late your kid looks at you and says "I don't need that, we don't even use those"
Boerenhond 3 years ago
I bought the mandatory dictionaries for the eldest. The other 2 can use those if they want. Don't think they ever looked in em.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 3 years ago
And the supply list is basically an entire stationery store because you know... tablets are not allowed in class and it's 1890.
Johanna she/they 🇺🇦 3 years ago
No, it’s: Your supply lists include 1/4 important stuff but mostly c**p you’ll never use!
Signe Manat Hansen 3 years ago (edited)
You still have to buy stationary for your kids here but I don't understand this whole back to school thing. Is the ruler from last year now outdated?
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Show thyself 3 years ago
"You'll need that roll-up-crayon-case to store 12 crayons. No more, no less. The only store which has this thing on stock is the one we have a contract with. - It's just ~28€ (empty)... filled up ~50€ + deliverycosts (~15€) since there is no real store."
Cath Homer 3 years ago
Don't forget the fruit snacks - the most well travelled apples in the world
#30
Sheila Stamey 3 years ago
Nope. Just took the stroller in there . Why shake the ticking time bomb?
Fluffy mommy panda 3 years ago
That what I did aways left them in the stroller.......
Load More Replies... RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
I just put the stroller in the living room and told everyone to STFU. My one kid would fall asleep in the car, so I would sit in the driveway with her until she got up on her own. It was actually quite lovely to have that 15 minutes of peace and quiet.
Oreo Tookie 3 years ago
I had friends that could do that! One would change her baby into jammies after the baby fell asleep, put the baby in the car seat, and drover home, and put the baby into bed for the night! If I hadn't seen it I'd have not believed it! Not one of my kids slept through my whispering "let's try to move them to the bedroom!"
Raumpfleger 3 years ago
Behold, fellow parents! I myself have mastered this secret art and I tell you: it is possible! I have even gone as far as being able to change a sleeping infants diapers without waking it. Maybe I am gifted, but I prefer to believe that we all can do it!
Nami Tantrum 3 years ago
not to brag.. but i can actually carry my toddler to his bed from ground to 2nd floor.. since he's a baby
Mykidsartrocks 2 years ago
My kids must have been heavy sleepers. They never woke up from this. Neither did my niece or nephews.
#31
Parmeisan 3 years ago
One of these - for alcohol. cropwebpau...essive.jpg 
Nicola Roberts 3 years ago
Haha as a middle aged Brit, I've grown up with my ample share of American TV and bored panda posts. Still, it took my a while to get my canteen and flask definitions lined up. This could be down to my age, sex or culture but I haven't used the word canteen anywhere but here in the last 50 years and a flask will always be a coffee flask. However, when I remembered buying engraved, silver flask for my Dad one year it all made sense! Definitely a cool kid!
Eunice Probert 3 years ago
A tea flask, surely? And you have to accompany it with squashed boiled egg sarnies.
Load More Replies... Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
That was A save indeed. Love to see the look on the counselors face if she had pulled out A flask
#32
Chris Miller 3 years ago
I have one kid ... and I have no bowls or glasses left at the end of lunch ... and he's 26.
SCP-3998 3 years ago
I have roomates; all the dirty dishes are in their rooms. I have no spoons left. These are full grown "adults"
TuesdayDangerGirl 3 years ago
my stepdaughter(23) was living here just out of college and would pack her lunch to go to work. A month or so in we suddenly have no forks and spoons. She threw them away after lunch - she. threw. them. away.
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#33
#34
Has sold soul for corn chip 3 years ago
remember, we only need toothpaste ;)
Load More Replies... Dave Nalesnik 3 years ago
An exotic tropical locale, far away from it all.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 3 years ago
So on this one you just threaten them as you enter and say "any shenanigans and you don't get sweets (candy)" and then when you get to the till (cashier) you say "well 7 you misbehaved but 11 behaved herself so SHE gets one". Just have to do it once.
ohjojo (you/your's) 3 years ago
You keep looking down feeling like you forgot something. And you did
Barbara Skolly 3 years ago
No Target anymore in Canada, but I do spend my alone evenings browsing in Winners, its been some of the best moments of my life.
#35
#36
Hello_my_name_is_Genevieve 3 years ago
Always easier to remember we love them when they're still and quiet.
Ingrid Jeffers 2 years ago
That also goes with, when someone dies they are still and quiet and all of a sudden you remember so much and miss them greatly. Please don't let your kids go still and quiet.
Load More Replies... #37
Me Oh My 3 years ago
Being alive does deserve payment, though. It sucks and I want compensation.
Load More Replies... Chintan Shah 3 years ago
Invoice him back for rent, food, utilities, babysitting, entertainment, etc expenses. Don't forget the interest!
Tammy Moos 3 years ago
I keep being told by my 13yr old that, I owe him for being alive! I keep reminding him that I nearly died during pregnancy! So he owes me! Yes??? Please, tell me that he owes me!
Lorraine R 2 years ago
There's a country song from the 1960-70s called "No Charge". Check out the lyrics.
Load More Replies... Colonel Cornelius Cornwall 3 years ago
😡💥 thats for not paying me not to fart you f****n rippoff
#38
#39
Beck 3 years ago
My son always grabs the pack of banana popsicles because he is the only one in the house that likes them.
#40
Nicole Weymann 3 years ago
Growing up watching his sister's temper tantrums convinced my cousin he didn't want kids. Unusually enough it was his big sister, two years older than him, not a baby sister.
Izzy Curer 3 years ago
Being 14 years older than my siblings taught me that I didn't want to have kids.
Load More Replies... Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
My daughter,too. She 29 & swears she has three kids: me, her grandma & her brother. She swears she doesn't like children & She's Not Having Any. To be fair, me, grandma & her brother are all ADD & she is *normal*. She is the family caretaker
Ghaniyah Verma 3 years ago
Uh, I don't want kids bc I'm worried they're gonna be like that one annoying person. And bc pain for life.
Jessica Blankenship 3 years ago
My son once told me he was never going to have kids because they were too expensive to feed 🤣😂
#41
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
Don't Lie. You went, right? I would have,too just bc its both funny & honest
#42
Ingrid Jeffers 2 years ago
You should punish her by making her weed the garden.
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Eric Thomas 3 years ago (edited)
When I was 5, me and the neighbor girl covered our Entire bodies with marker stripes. We used those really cool smelly ones. Strawberry was my favorite.
#43
Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
God, I've got two older stepsons (one 20, the other 17) and I'm STILL not sure how we're doing...I mean, neither are in prison and neither have set a building on fire so we've got that going for us, which is nice.
Hey! 3 years ago
I was really happy when my then daughter said she didn't want to babysit kids anymore unless they were brought up like her little brother. *Thanks!*
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
How is she your "then daughter"? Is she not anymore?
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Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
If you're extra lucky, you'll get to hear someone say "Your child is so well behaved & helpful!" They'll have to convince you that they actually mean *your* child but it feels nice for the moment
CrunChewy McSandybutt 3 years ago
If you care about them, you can assume you're doing a great job.
#44
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
LOL! When my middle child was 4 she started singing a song in the back seat which really was just her screaming "SPIDERS DON'T EXIST RIGHT NOW!". There was a spider outside her window, and she was just wishing as hard as she could.
Upstaged75 3 years ago
My nephew had a hit song he played on his ukulele called "Dad's Gonna Get My Applesauce". It was inspired by the tragic event of that one time my brother didn't get him some applesauce fast enough. His baby sister thought it was the best song she ever heard.
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
2 caveats: Do Not Be Flippant When You Respond Unless You Are Really Sure. When the 6 asks you to drive the car, don't say "sure bro," while you smirk & continue reading your phone. Trust me. They don't Kid around when they ask Anything.
#45
Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
I guess it could be a "couldn't get a babysitter" issue but I never understand why anyone takes an infant to any amusement park (can't go on any rides, mostly can't walk, needs to be fed, changed, etc.)
Natty Tempest 3 years ago
I think the only reason this is not the case is that child has a much loswe capacity to vomit noxious substances... I don't care how many twizzlers little Tony had, no way its worse than an adult belly of 'cocktayl shurprisse' made with whatever alcohol (and cleaning supplies) were available at the time...
Kevin Sutton 3 years ago
Duh, if you're that drunk, it is free to jp the razor wire fence round the back
#46
OhnoI’vebeencensored 3 years ago
Been there with my two year old. "PUT IT BACK TOGETHER!!!!"
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Angela B 3 years ago
I made a sandwich that was "facing the wrong way" once. Have never lived it down.
Fluffy mommy panda 3 years ago
I have to do t worry your not the only one
Load More Replies... Fluffy mommy panda 3 years ago
Look at the kid, what do you want me to do with this!
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#47
Lillian Tracy 3 years ago
No one said there was a problem. This is a safe space
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Michael Largey 3 years ago
As a teacher, I would not use this. The probability that at least one child had a mother who was dead or not in its life is too high.
Mosheh Wolf 3 years ago
It is also extremely sexist. Especially because I'm 100% certain that the questions about the dad has to do with him being smart or working.
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Mattewis88 3 years ago
I'm not even a parent and I already don't have energy for the club. Mom's got some superhuman energy.
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
Still, we don't really want the teacher to think that's all we do. What can I say? Don't judge me
#48
censorshipsucks 3 years ago
Start walking away ... they usually get separation anxiety, panic and get out by themselves.
Robin 3 years ago (edited)
This would work with my first but my second is just like "sweet no rules! laters yo"
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Tatjana P 3 years ago
The key is to NOT tell them to get out. Instead you tell them to show you their best jump from right where you are standing. Once they are there, its just some quick manhandling.
Catherine Baker 2 years ago
First time I took my 2yo to the pool, she threw herself facedown into the deep end. Then just lay there, not a twitch. I froze, and she floated, serenely. I threw myself in, boots, coat, backpack, the lot, while her sisters planned her funeral. Later, much later, we made it to the changing room.
Gena Robinson 2 years ago (edited)
Been there, babysitting. Shock the hell out of that 4-year-old girl when I jumped in the water to grab her. As she was swimming away....I'm in my 50's.
Gena Robinson 3 years ago
My children are grown 30 and 27. So I've learned a few lessons. Recently, while babysitting two kids, a brother and sister, they were swimming in our backyard pool. I gave the boy a timeout for doing something you was asked not to do several times. He did it immediately. Girl child was making fun of him, Nana nana nana (you know what I mean) and refuse to stop when asked. I told her to get out now she was in timeout. She looked right at me and swam away from the edge. Me, fully clothed jumped in and grabbed her out. She never did that again!
#49
#50
Jaekry 3 years ago
Have you noticed? Furniture designs went from 'as low as possible' to Roomba accessible.
Dani M 3 years ago
I know!!!! I noticed on a new couches and then compared beds. IKEA catching up with the robots
Load More Replies... Anjelika 3 years ago
Did anybody else name their roomba? Ours is called Kiesha, we treat him, sorry it like its alive, he keeps bumping into things he's "drunk"
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
We haven't decided on a name for ours yet, but my mom calls hers "Franz", my brother teased her by calling it "Jeeves", and I joined in calling it "Fritz William". It's fun whenever all 5 of us are visiting!
Load More Replies... RandomFrog(He/They️️) 3 years ago
We named our roomba. It’s fun cuz instead of its stuck under the couch we get to say Giles is a hungry boy he trapped himself under the couch
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
I still find it awesome that l can talk face to face with my daughter in Alaska anytime with my Galaxy. I'm 63 & remember having a rotary phone. Then: Gone was gone in the service-you didn't see your folks until you got leave.Now: anytime l want
#51
Lsai Aeon 3 years ago
My son put a piece of a gummy bear up his nose when he was 2. My husband PANICKED. I sat there laughing. Fell out of my chair laughing when son sneezed and that gummy bear head rocketed across the room and stuck to the wall.
WhAt?? 3 years ago
Lol the gummy bear hit the wall!!! That's hilarious. When I was little my dad panicked and basically freaked out because I put a tictak in my nose.
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Deborah B 3 years ago
Ear and nose rule for children: "Do not put anything in your ear or nose that is smaller than your finger." If it's larger than their finger, it won't fit. This rule comes courtesy of a sibling-in-law who was a theater nurse for ENT. Yes, children sometimes need to be put under anesthetic to remove whatever they put in there.
Peign Gaming 3 years ago
These are kids we are talking about. It doesn't matter if it's bigger than their finger. They will find a way to make it fit.
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#52
#53
Down With Agent Hedgehog! 3 years ago
My cats think there’s an imaginary being in the house. Should I call the priest yet?
#54
censorshipsucks 3 years ago
Tell them you'll give them a prize of a choclate bar for whoever draws the best picture of you sleeping.
#55
#56
LottieH 3 years ago
Same. Haven't heard that song in nearly 13 years, all it took was the first sentence and now it's burrowing it's way into my brain again. Every damn word 😩
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Local foodie 3 years ago
What the f**k would possess you to be this evil? Have an upvote
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Vicki Doggurl 3 years ago
M I C, see ya later! K E Y, why? Because we love you! M O U S E! At least that’s the one I remember from 25 years ago.
Lizzy Crit 3 years ago (edited)
I still sing Zane Gray "if you wanna be a grump that's okay, but could you be a grump a little further away" at my teenagers
#57
Sheila Stamey 3 years ago
Better than what my best friend did. She went all super mom and outlined itty bitty foot prints leading up to her daughter's bed in red glitter. ( Hardwood throughout the house) kid wakes up, reaches under the pillow, grabs the $5 under there, then looks at the floor and starts screaming hysterically! "Mommy the tooth fairy was bleeding from her feet." (How do we know the progression of events? Mom was peeking of course!)
Inigo Montoya 3 years ago
5 DOLLARS?!¿¡ Holy cràp, inflation has even hit the tooth fairy?
Load More Replies... Vicki Doggurl 3 years ago
My parents, and subsequently me, would take the tooth and hide $1 (or $2 if it was a big tooth!) somewhere in the house. Usually under the couch or on the counter or in the front of a picture frame. It was fun!
#60
Francine Govan 3 years ago
"Dad told me not to wipe my dirty hands on my shirt, so I wiped them on his pants!"
Kayla Albert 3 years ago
My 15 month old just found one of my sweaters after eating berries to wipe her face on! Lol
#61
Mattewis88 3 years ago
So no more "I guess you'll starve" then? My mom said this to us and now that she's a gran to my nephew/nieces she asks s**t like "Would you like triangles or rectangles? I'll cut them into hearts if you like?"
OneHappyPuppy 3 years ago
Right. That's a good parent/grandparent. I've read once: Raise your children properly so you can spoil your grandchildren - if you spoil your children, you'll have to raise your grandchildren
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Mattewis88 3 years ago
Any stranger offering me liquorice can go straight to hell. You picked the wrong kid bud.
potato 3 years ago
yeah get ready to be backhanded faster than those guys on ads talk
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KT 3 years ago
The second you toss the blueberries, he'll want them again
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Nissim Reiter 3 years ago
Maybe tell them that they are just sick of them, and they should have a break from eating that food.
#65
Izzy Curer 3 years ago (edited)
I don't get it. Why have kids if you don't even enjoy it? I know it's not all fun a rainbows, but it seems like there's a certain mentality out there where it's like 'parenthood sucks, I hate my life, must drink wine to survive!' If that's really true, why do that to yourself? If not, why are you saying something so awful about your children? Odds are, they're eventually going to see what you said about them.
Sonia Reddel 3 years ago
Tired parents are allowed to blow off steam. It is healthy and safer for the kids than the alternative. You have a choice not to click on the thread if it is annoying.
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#67
Unnamed Hooman 3 years ago
I don’t have kids, but I tell my siblings “Uh oh, you’re going to let the wasps in “ (they are terrified of wasps) sometimes I add “What if they go into your room so when you try and sleep, they crawl all over you until they find a place to chomp”
#68
Milano1015385 3 years ago
My parents do this too (15 y-o here) and I find it pretty reasonable. I get enough sleep and am not addicted to my phone like some on my friends are.
Izzy Curer 3 years ago
I wish someone would come take my phone away from me at 10pm.
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3 Owls In A Coat 3 years ago
Wow. 10:00 bedtime must be chill! I had a 9:00 bedtime up until my senior year. In grade 12, myself and 3 of my siblings (all 16-17 years old) sat our parents down and tried to ask if we could start staying up until 9:30 or 10:00, since we were nearing the end of high school. We had a very well-prepared book report showing that 10:00-7:00 is a good amount of sleep for a teen (we were expected to wake up at 7) and we’d spend the extra time reading books etc instead of being on phones/tv. We strategized how to bring this up without making them angry and we’re so so anxious and polite about the request. The result? We all got quite the earful and we’re all grounded for “disrespecting their authority.” I ran away 3 weeks later and never went back.
Vinita Talaulikar 3 years ago
You were quite young to run away, hope u were safe and happy...
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#70
Autistic apricot 3 years ago
My mum asks us to do that, and my 10 year old sister circles all the baby toys
#72
Amanda Rose 3 years ago
Oh my gosh. My niece and nephew got into a full blown argument in a Red Robin restaurant once over this!
#73
Artsy Bookworm 3 years ago
2 hour drive, 2 hour wait, flight, bus, car.... No wonder the kid was pissed. Even I would have been pissed but maybe not screaming. It is tiring
Eunice Probert 3 years ago
Picture book perhaps? At 2 my daughter liked to look at books with pictures and make up a story as she couldn't read yet.
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#75
3 Owls In A Coat 3 years ago
No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir.
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#76
Amanda Rose 3 years ago
No such thing as too cheesy. Double check that he isn't an alien being from some other planet.
Izzy Curer 3 years ago
They say the fairies sometimes change them out for pieces of wood. Might want to check for that, too.
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#78
#80
Boba_Queen7 3 years ago
Robber: Gimme all your candy then! Me: NO dice, my kids already ate it
#81
Peign Gaming 3 years ago
Spirit Halloween.. those retail costume stores that seem to popup overnight.
Load More Replies... #82
Izzy Curer 3 years ago (edited)
Over explain. It helps shut them up. Usually they only do this because they don't have the words to ask the actual question they mean, so giving them a simple answer might not cover the right one. If nothing else, it will help them direct their questions more purposefully.
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What do you think ?
Colin Matthews 3 years ago
There is a good chance my suicide note will just read."exhausted parent need sleep"
AtomKat 3 years ago
Today, a five year old told me that I’m “probably” not as smart as a smart TV. So obviously my degree was a waste of money and I should’ve just been a TV
Mike Beck 3 years ago
If I was a TV, I bet mine would pay more attention to me.
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Ashley Williams 3 years ago
Aren't you literally begging for attention by begging them to stop?
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Colin Matthews 3 years ago
There is a good chance my suicide note will just read."exhausted parent need sleep"
AtomKat 3 years ago
Today, a five year old told me that I’m “probably” not as smart as a smart TV. So obviously my degree was a waste of money and I should’ve just been a TV
Mike Beck 3 years ago
If I was a TV, I bet mine would pay more attention to me.
Load More Replies... Ashley Williams 3 years ago
Aren't you literally begging for attention by begging them to stop?
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