Raising tiny humans is hard, there’s no doubt about it. My utmost respect goes to the loving parents and dedicated educators out there who are helping to mold a brighter, better future for us all.
But putting all the accolades aside, parenting in itself is one hell of a strategic set of moves where small steps go a long way. And there are so many tactics from ‘how to’ and ‘what not to do’ when raising kids that they inevitably stir some debate. I mean, some parenting trends are really controversial—just think of family TikTok accounts. Some say it's an awesome way to communicate and spread the message, others think it may promote negative experiences often tied with social media.
So who’s right? We may not exactly know, but we can find out what common parenting trends people see as nonsense. “What parenting 'trend' do you strongly disagree with?” asked a Redditor called Qquackie and the answers started pouring in. Below are some of the most interesting ones!
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It seems like there are as many parenting tactics as there are parents. This year, we see new trends emerging, from mindful usage of the internet to parents getting support from online groups, and gender-neutral parenting. The last trend is especially liked for millennial parents who are no longer willing to fit their children in society's predefined boxes but want to allow them to experiment, experience and express themselves.
Other new trends include “baby budgeting,” with parents of newborns getting a whole more money-savvy. Baby budget calculators and charity shops are on the rise as parents seem to have finally realized you don’t need to spend a fortune on shoes every other month as your child is growing.
Letting your kids run amok everywhere and then being furious when other people are annoyed. I'm an older mom. I was raised with the idea that you have a social contract with others to not be a pain in the a**. I don't let my kids go nuts in public. When they are having a hard time, we leave. I don't expect them to be angels for hours in adult situations, but being told to not be loud and crazy at the grocery or in line somewhere is not child abuse. Letting your kids be a hellion that everyone else cringes to see is so unfair to your kids.
So agree with this. So many parents let their kids scream and throw things in stores or public places and hold to their "let them scream it out" philosophy. No, the kid has had enough of being in that situation, you take them outside. I also have an ASD and ADHD child so yes it is possible to remove them from a situation they are not enjoying whilst also being mindful to people around you also. I've had to pack up and leave so many situations for this reason, restaurants, shops, public transport (and walk a couple of miles in the rain instead). It is possible and you learn what the tolerances of your kids are, noisy bright places were generally no go areas for me.
Loud cartoons and games on tablets in public places
not educating your kids about sex because it's an "uncomfortable topic"
It's better teaching them properly than them learning about it in the school yard from other kids. I sat down with my daughter when she was 8-9 and watched "What is happening to me" and "Where did I come from". They are cartoon style but informative and then afterwards we had a chat about what she saw and if she had any questions. I also made sure she knows she can come to me and ask me anything and I will answer the best I can. I believe it is important to have open lines of communication.
According to Parent Circle, a new parenting trend that emerged during the pandemic has to do with dads. Turns out they too had an opportunity to rethink work-life balance, made better use of the situation and established a new approach to parenting. The extra family time was not just rewarding but also an eye-opener for the men regarding the responsibility of childcare and household work. Prior to the pandemic, mothers were taking on the biggest share of those responsibilities.
A study run by the scholars of the University of Utah, Ball State University and the University of Texas showed that the number of couples who split childcare duties rose to 56% during the pandemic in the US. The percentage was only 45% before the pandemic hit.
All of the "wine mom" merch, down to shirts for children that say horrible things like: "I'm the reason Mommy drinks"
Like, dress it up as much as you want, but "alchololism" isn't cute, as much as you want to convince yourself of it. Let alone, clothing for your CHILD who didn't ask to be born, to be treated like their existence is a burden to you. I've seen stuff like this in the kids section, from infancy to middle school sizes.
That's a trauma trifecta right there.
It is sad and concerning how much normalized is being an alcoholic. Its very obvious in TV and movies; everytime the main character (or a friend) has a rough patch the only solution is to get wasted. I am sorry but having a bottle of wiskey in your working desk or drinking every day is not cool is an adiction that should not be encouraged.
When I was a teenager my parents took away the door to my room.
It's normal for teenagers to pull away from their parents, I guess this wasn't acceptable to her and she wanted to keep an eye on me at all times.
I still have severe issues relating back to this one action. This is after years of therapy and no contact.
To anyone considering this as some form of "punishment", Let me stop you right there. Nothing will get your child to disown you faster than not giving them privacy.
I think she got the idea from Dr.phil Useless c*nts, the both of them.
privacy is not a privilege it is a necessity that everyone deserves
That thing where they pretend they got their kids a ps5 for example, the kids are freaking out with excitement, but then its just a ps5 box filled with books or something.
Why don't you just show children how to love books instead? Books are not a punishment or should be part of a prank
No wonder so many parenting tactics and trends are so controversial. Not only do parents argue among themselves over who’s right in adopting the best method to raise their kids, childfree people are often equally opinionated. But whatever parenting method mom and dads would choose, we like to think they all know what’s best for their kids. But is it really true?
Well, to find out, we spoke with Susan Petang, a certified life coach who runs The Quiet Zone Coaching. Susan is helping those who struggle with stress find relief, manage their fears, and build self-confidence so they can wake up happy in the morning. “As our children grow, they slowly start to separate from us,” she told us. “From the 'Terrible Twos' to the pains of adolescence, the purpose of the journey is to teach our kids how to be independent, happy, and healthy adults who give something to the world around them.”
I don’t know how much of a trend it was but on TikTok, there was a trend of parents throwing away their kid's art in front of them and the parents would like laugh while the kid was sobbing.
That’s f**ked up! Of course, you can’t keep every artwork your kid makes but you throw it away when they aren’t home or asleep. My mom used to wait until I was asleep and throw it away in the outside can
The kids I babysit their parents ask me to take their art they do with me so it doesn’t pile up but I tell them I’m keeping it because it’s so good
There’s no reason to make your kid feel like they aren’t a good artist or just feel like their parents don’t care for some TikTok views
Making children hug people they are not comfortable with.
Thanks COVID for this... No more hugs or kissing hello or goodbye for everyone
Letting the kid make all the choices. I believe kids should have reasonable choices, like what their snack is and the character that's on their bedspread, but you can't let your 3 year old decide when you're allowed to leave your house. The world doesn't work that way.
Susan explained that if you're making all the decisions for your children, they're not learning how to make decisions for themselves. “You're not going to be around forever to advise and guide them; they have to learn to do it alone.”
“Let your kids have some control over things in their lives that are appropriate to their age. For example, even a 7-year-old can decide what they want to wear (as long as it's weather-appropriate and clean). The idea is to let them learn how the world works, how to interact with others, and how to make wise decisions,” Susan said and added that they'll never accomplish that if you make all their decisions for them.
'My son/daughter is my best friend.'
No, they aren't. They have their own friends and have the agency to choose them for themselves. Over the course of a lifetime, they will have several 'best friends' but they will only have one father and mother.
Your job is to be a parent. You can't do that properly if you are trying to be a friend.
Creating social media channels for your children where they proceed to upload videos and photos of their kids. Perfect place for pedophiles.
Parents who punish their kids for speaking up or otherwise explaining something, saying that they're "talking back". I honestly don't get why most parents refuse to admit they're not always right sometimes. Besides, what if their kid one day comes up to them and says another adult is touching them inappropriately?
Susan argues that when people feel their lives are out of control (even teens), they will get super stressed out trying to find something they CAN control. So she invited parents to stop and ask themselves, “is that what you want for your kids?”
Oh man, I’m a nanny and work in daycare. I can talk so much about this.
One is late potty training. Waiting to potty train a child is more and more common. Which I generally agree with. Wait until they’re 2.5-3 and knock it out. Some take longer, some are probably ready earlier. Better than rushing it and causing issues.
What this has turned into. Not potty training. I nanny a 4 year old that is still in pull ups. She is more than capable of using the potty.
Our 4 year old classroom just installed a diaper genie because so many 4 year olds are starting preschool in diapers.
My best friend who is a Kindergarten teacher had 2 kids start kindergarten in diapers. Luckily they’re potty trained now.
My son wasn't toilet trained until almost 5 and that wasn't due to lack of trying. My friends daughter was still wearing pull ups to bed at the age of 8 and again that wasn't through lack of trying. Some kids have developmental issues that make things a bit harder or takes them longer to learn.
The “bulldozer” parent - ie the parent who removes all obstacles/challenges from a child’s life so they don’t learn about perseverance, problem solving, failure (sometimes you can try hard and still not get the reward) and learning from mistakes - unless the goal is to develop a highly anxious person - then, being a bulldozer parent is great.
Abusing the talents of your child just to boost your self image in society
Lot lot of parents do this. And think of how the child feels sometimes they don't want to do that sport but.....their parents make them. And it got to make them unhappy
The social media trend that keeps upping the expectations for birthday parties and any celebration connected to a kid.
When I was a kid, birthdays consisted of a handmade invitation made by me, a cake from the grocery store, food that my Mom cooked and then inviting some friends and family over for games.
Today's expectation is that every monthversary and half-birthday consist of a huge arch of balloons that will end up in the trash, a customized three-tier fondant cake, gift wrapping that color-coordinates with the themed party favors and of course, a very intentional outfit for the numerous photo ops that will take up most of the day. Anything for the 'gram, right?
Don't even get me started on gender reveal announcements.
I was on a mums group and one of the mums was asking about what people did for their child's first birthday or christmas and some of the suggestions was insane. Like a 1 year old doesn't need a bouncy castle, farm animals etc. A 1 year old doesn't understand. For both my kids first birthdays AND christmases, they received necessities like clothing for the following year, shoes, bedding, 1 or 2 age appropriate toys and a couple of books. And definitely no birthday party. Just some family for coffee and cake with a store bought $5 chocolate mud cake. In saying all that, each to their own. If they want to waste their money then that is their choice.
Allowing kids to constantly mess with pets, even when the pet is giving warnings that they'll attack soon.
Parents, this is a pretty solid way to start teaching kids about consent from the get go.
And at wildlife parks, and aquariums, I’m constantly drilling parents about things like - your 5 yr ok’d just threw a live starfish from the touch pool - maybe teach your little s**t how to handle a delicate animal and maybe both bond over learning about the starfish. Don’t just sit on your damn phone and let your C. Goblins run anarchy in the touch pools. They aren’t stuffed animals they are living beings
Not setting clear boundaries. You are the adult, not the kid. Children benefit sooo much more from clear rules and consequences.
Setting boundaries isn't normally the problem. Keeping the boundaries (by both parents) is.
Not believing the teacher ever. “My kid never lies to me”.
Seriously. Parents absolutely should be their kid’s biggest supporter. But support sometimes means holding the kid responsible when they don’t do the right thing.
A kid is a kid, and kids will tell lies. Not to be malicious, but because their brain sometimes just goes 'which outcome will get me in the least amount of trouble?'.
Fake “Gentle Parenting”
You hear and see so many parents letting their children do whatever they want, no matter how destructive, rude or hurtful their behaviours are. Parents find themselves beholden to the whims of their childrens’ emotions in the name of gentle parenting, instead of true gentle parenting where (so I hear) boundaries are set alongside validating emotions.
THIS!! Life is full of boundaries, of no's, of not always getting what we want. Children MUST learn this
Pretending that not parenting is parenting.
'I wont tell my child to stop kicking your leg repeatedly because i don't want to crush his spirit!'
Not saying no to your child. They have to learn to deal with a no sometimes, and having a chat about why it is no and whether it could be a yes another time is also an important part of them learning to deal with no.
Life is often filled with failures, that is what makes success all the sweeter. I don't understand the "everyone is a winner" thing. All that does is make it more difficult to overcome disappointment later in life, such as not getting a job after an interview. I just don't get it.
Talking down to kids and making them feel stupid. Sure maybe at 5 they aren't the most intellectual people, but 9/10 year old are smarter then people give them credit for. Don't talk to then like they are stupid because they are not. The only thing that does is lower their self esteem and makes them feel small.
Saying “what goes on in this house, stays in this house.” I know hundreds of victims of abuse, go through years of pain because of this phrase.
I mean, that’s part of how abuse works. Abusers aren’t going to say “feel free to tell everyone that I’m beating the s**t out of you”, you know?
Making your child terrified to fail. I remember constantly being told if I ever even got a “C” or below— on even something as minor as a pop quiz— I would be “flipping burgers for a living.” I was so unmotivated to even try by the time high school came, because it had been drilled into me that I was destined to be a loser.
That's what you're supposed to do when your kids are f*****g up, as opposed to the parenting of today when everyone gets a participation trophy simply for existing, and praised for getting a D. I mean, were their parents even wrong? Most of America's youth seems determined to make working retail/fast food a career.
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It's, like, a popular first job that's egged on us the moment we reach the age we can legally work. So, for parents to threaten us to pull up grades or we'll be flipping burgers, would that mean we won't have to get a job? eh?eh? LOL
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I hate this - I praise kids for their effort, even when they get it wrong, I try to teach them that we learn from our failures. It makes the eventual success even more sweeter!
School grades were never a problem for me. However, with my mother it was never being allowed to try anything or take part in any activity. Her reason was that I would never be any good at it because my father's family were all useless (untrue) and I would embarrass her.
💔 I felt this in my core. Right down to the the family being useless. My mom used to call it the (My last name) disease. Sounds like you're able to identify how bad you were treated and I hope you're in a much better place now.
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I had such perfectionist issues at a young age because my mother held me to super high standards. I got my first B in the third grade and I came home bawling because I thought I was going to be punished. It was completely fine, but I quite honestly thought I was going to get in big trouble.
me too! I still get worried when I dip into the low 90s. My mom went ballistic when my brother had a B average in one class. ONE class.
Load More Replies... Too much emphasis on the grade than the content of the work. Do parents even look at how their kid did the work? Maybe they weren't showing how they went through the sums of an equation or made too many spelling errors. Perhaps they're having a hard time memorizing and comprehending the subject. Or it could be it's not interesting enough for them to maintain focus. It's lazy parenting to just look at a grade and lecture the kid to "do better".
Children might not do what you say, but they “hear”. One time, when a friend of mine was in elementary school, her mom bought her a new cardigan and told her that if she lost the sweater, don’t come home. Well, R lost her sweater. Her parents searched for her when she didn’t come home after school, and they found her at school an hour later. Her mom asked why she didn’t come home; she reminded the mom of what she’d said that morning: if she lose this sweater, don’t come home, so she didn’t. She took what her mom said, literally. What we say matters.
Burger flippers have the power to make or break someone's day. I think a lot of us have a story about having a terrible day until you got that perfect pizza or taco. Or the no good bad day that peaked with an awful drive thru meal
I remember being so disheartened at one point because I was so proud that I got all A's and B's. My mom was not impressed because I had more B's than A's. I just wanted a moment to celebrate that I had done well even if it wasn't perfect.
I was told that.... Except in my case, I'd end up working on a till... This was during the apartheid years in South Africa where there were certain jobs that were only done by unskilled (black) people. And yes, my @sshole stepfather was a racist, abusive, horrible man. I've never looked down on anyone, regardless of their education, job, race etc.
I was told that I'd be a dirt-poor construction worker working outside in -30° weather if I brought home anything less than an A-. :3
This had an opposite effect on me. I resolved to disregard the importance of grades and maintain that they would not decide my future. I still have flashbacks about "fulfilling my potential" but I'm much happier. And as it turned out, I didn't even need college to have a career. Who knew?
My 14 year old knows that as long as they try, put the best effort in they can at the time, I am proud of them.
my parents never did this, they were supportive and i did pretty well in school. but my older brother (who i haven't talked to in over 15 years) used to put me down constantly. i was artistic, but he basically thought that anyone who didn't go into something scientific or mathmatical like him was useless and a waste of space. i wanted to get into writing, he told me i'd just end up working in mcdonalds. despite a lot of encouragement from other sources, this has always stuck in my mind.
I would get into screaming matches with my parents if I even got a B because of a flunked assignment, I was pu usher for things like that "because it wasn't normal". I had full blown panic attacks every time I got a C or below.
Seems like the original commenter was just soft. I got told this 1 time and all i did was made sure I paid more attention in class because I didnt want to do that for the rest of my life. Never got anything under a B. Usually had a perfect score.
What's wrong with 'flipping burger', it's a honest/halal job, way better than selling drugs, money game/ponzi, or corruption
My mother never freaked out if I got below a B. If I got a C she would ask if I needed help, and an F she would help me. All my freinds would freak out if they got a 99 or lower
Such a sad thing to do to a child. If my child had a bad day or made a bad grade, I would ask what I could do to help make it better. You get a more secure child with a much better self esteem.
In high school passing grade was 50% This I could get without cracking a book so I did, until I wised up so I found out what I wanted to do in life and took the courses a got the grades needed to go into the profession I wanted. My parents said as long as I was passing it was OK. never got lectured on what I could or couldn't do!
I've told mine grades don't matter and if they choose to work in a shop or as a bin man then good someone's got to do those jobs and I will always be proud of them
sAmE (currently a senior in hs, failing 5/7 classes bc i just... don't have the energy for it anymore? i let my parents win i guess lol)
My parents...if it was a B, why wasn't it an A. And if it was an A, why wasn't it an A-plus.
Now a days you can make some cash flippin' burgers, pension, benefits, free food...pshaw!
If my daughter ever gets questions wrong on a quiz, we sit down and go through the questions together and make sure that she understands it. If she gets a 75%, it’s not the best grade but we make sure she understands the content and we don’t make a big deal about it.
In my avanced classes I was told "B's and above" and couldn't have stuff that I PURCHASED if I didn't pass
Yep. We were told if we got so much as a B on our report card we wouldnt be able to get a scholarship to college and wouldnt be able to go. As if colleges give a damn about the grades you got in elementary school.
Or "we will take this away" some kids just struggle in school. Punishments n threats wont fix it just make it worse
I have told all my children they need to get a job that makes them happy. I don't care what you do nobody skips out of bed to go to work on a morning but if it's something you enjoy once you get there either the atmosphere or the job itself that's the best thing ever I don't care what job it is. My best job was as a cleaner in a hotel. I laughed all the time it was the best job ever. I am now a learning disabilities nurse and although my job is rewarding and I enjoy it it really is not half as fun as the cleaning job I did
Nonstop supervision. Hovering over them at every turn. Whatever happened to tossing them in a play area in another room and letting them create, explore, and get the occasional bumps?
My mom prevented me from having friends because of this. I was a kid when cellphones were just starting to be an item everyone had and my household hadn't picked up the trend yet. My mom tried to keep me inside as much as possible otherwise, with every move I made outside, I was expected to run home and tell her where I was going in the neighborhood. This wasn't realistic and no kid wanted to waste time constantly running/biking to my house with me to tell her I'd be at X, then Y, then Z. We're not talking about being extremely far away from home; just within the confines of the neighborhood. Kids were starting to ditch me so I decided to not tell her once. My mom had been secretly checking up on me all this time and called the police when I wasn't where I said I'd be. That was basically the end of my friendships as a kid unless they wanted to play indoors at my house.
always letting kids win/do what they want, its unfair on older siblings because i get given chores and my little sister gets to sit about doing nothing and getting whatever she wants completely free
Making your kids spend time with family even though they get treated bad. Like inlaws who would rather spend time with their other grandkids and not yours.
I don't care who is anyone treats my kids bad is gonna get mouth full unless they are getting on to them for a good reason.
I guess the overall trend of prioritizing academics/extracurriculars and college admissions over everything else. Give your kids some chores and let them hang out with their friends outside of structured sports and musical activities!
The thing every parents including mine said. "Finish your plate" or "Finish your plate or you won't get any dessert".
It gave you an unnecessary goal to shove food you don't want down your throat and made that into a lifelong habit. Fortunately I've always been into sports but many aren't, so now obesity is everywhere.
I knew it was a bad habit and I wouldn't stay fit for my entire life if I kept eating until I get a stomachache every single meal so I worked hard for years to finaly get rid of this habit in my early 20s when I moved into my apartment.
I will never do this to my kids.
Generally a behaviour that started in the generations before when food was sparse and snacks not available. My parents held to this and my Dad will clear off his plate and anyone else's for that matter. He really struglles with his weight. I had an ED growing up so I let my kids decide when they're full. Also giving them age approproate portion sizes to begin with helps.
Denying your kid any negative experiences or emotions.
They are a normal part of being a person, teach them to handle negative emotions now before you send them out into a world they are not prepared to handle.
my mom always said that I could talk to her about any feelings I had, but when I did she would tell me that i'm lying and trying to get more attention. because of this I was afraid to admit if I was ever in pain or feeling depressed/suicidal. my mom never seemed to understand that that is why I never trusted her.
Helicopter parenting, kids need freedom to explore the world, get dirty, engage in free play. I am not advocating putting the child outside o a Saturday morning and telling them to come home when the street lights come on, but an age acceptable level of freedom.
hahaha, that's how i grew up- get out or help clean the house. come back for lunch and then out the house again until dinner. rainy/snowy days were excepted though.
Pushing them too hard in sports, academics, etc. Like pushing til they need therapy or get injured, no free time, no downtime. FFS, they only get to be young & without excessive responsibilities once.
I am not a huge believer in homework coz I believe kids need to have their own downtime but also time to spend with family and doing their responsibilities around the house. They go to school for about 6 hrs a day, 5 days a week. Give the kids time to be kids for crying out loud. The only homework I can support is reading and for the younger kids, sight words.
telling kids that studying is the only thing that they do in choldhood and that everything else is just useless stuff
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Two I'd like to add. First, giving your kids cell phones and screens all the time so they don't get bored. Boredom is the source of inspiration. Second, I've seen a bunch of videos, from South Asia I think, where Mommy puts a bowl of food in front Stuffed Toy as Child watches. Stuffed Toy refuses to eat, so Mommy literally beats the stuffings out of it. Then Mommy puts a bowl of food in front of Child, Child obediently eats food, Mommy smiles triumphantly at camera. I think that's sick.
Yes, raising a human properly is extremely hard, that's why it takes a lot to be a good parent. Dedication, commitment, responsibility so that they'll turn out alright and you don't end up ruining their lives and others. That's why, not having kids is the opposite of selfish. Hear that, Pope??
Well... the opposite of selfish would be not having kids AND helping your friends/siblings raise their kids. Not on a daily basis, but if you help a parent raise a kid so that kid isn't screwed up... you will have made the world a better place, AND there is someone out there that cares what happens to you when you are old and feeble.
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Don't punish your child for not telling you about something sooner. DO reward them for telling you soon (by decreasing any punishment for what they did, not getting mad at them). Approach it with a "thanks for telling me! Lets see how we can fix this!". If you punish them for telling you late you can actually make them not tell you. Especially with teens (who are very driven by emotion). If they do something bad they may not immediately have the emotional ability to tell you, and when they finally become ready they may not due to expecting the "why didn't you tell me sooner" response. Their brains are too controlled by emotion for them to easily overcome this block and it will only get worse as time goes on. If they know confession will lead to a response of "okay lets work to fix this" and not focusing on what they did bad/punishment/shame they are SO MUCH more likely to come to you for help and will do it much sooner. It removes and lessens the anxiety associated with confession.
This is based off of my study of psychology with a focus on child development, and my own personal experiences. All I ever wanted when I did something really stupid was for my parents to focus on moving forward, not dwelling on the dumb thing I did. The expected *sigh* "i just wish you had told us sooner" paralyzed me from telling them. The "sooner" is just such a vague concept. Like, I'm telling you now! You'd say the same thing if I had told you yesterday! Just help me fix what I did!
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I am big enough to admit that I am guilty of some of these. I am way too overprotective and I know it. I am working on it and trying hard to let them be independent little humans but I had no relationship whatsoever with my mum, no guidance, security, positivity or cuddles. She was very cold with me and I think I'm just trying to do it differently to her but I know I can be too much sometimes I really am trying though
If you want some advice from me I have some things that might help :). 1. Make sure your kids know they can give you feedback/express their concerns and know you will listen. Gonna be mostly useful when they get older (definitely a little silly when they're younger) You don't always have to do what they want but having a respectful conversation with them about it and taking them will probably be invaluable (i'm not a parent and haven't tried this but from my own experience with my parents I think it would have been very helpful to have this structure in place). 2. I've studied child development for 4 years and definitely would recommend it to anyone. Fantastic way to understand yourself and others. 3. Giving your kids reasons for limitations and stuff is great. Not only will they respect you and your rules more, but it will help them to make their own good decisions later on.
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Teaching kids not to question authority. "Because I said so", "Because I'm older/smarter/in charge" aren't good arguments. A child needs to understand why you tell them to do/not to do something. It's also dangerous cause somebody can take advantage of a child because they trust adults too much and blindly follow orders no questions asked.
You have to teach children to be discerning with that. If an adult tells you not to go into the water because it's dangerous, fine to ask why, but don't argue with them. Kids have to learn when it's appropriate to question.
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lying kids about existence of Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Sinterklaas, Pere Noel, Baby Jesus, Kristkind, Befana, Krampus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy... etc.
I also think we should only lie about the existence of the other things. Nelson Mandela, holocaust, racism,... Those are the lies that makes their childhood peaceful
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Worst parenting trend I can think of is to ignore your crying baby. Please soothe your crying babies as best you can, or they'll grow up believing that the world is a constantly scary place and that nobody can ever calm them down. I speak from experience.
This. Babies learn trust through the care they receive.
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None of these actually seem like "trends" to me. Most of this stuff has been around in one way or another since I was a kid. We just hear people talk about it more, because of the internet.
Bad parenting appears to fall into two distinct categories: over-parenting, so being controlling or disciplinarian or scheduling your child's ever moment and experience, and non-parenting, just letting your child do whatever, whenever because you are too lazy to do your job as a parent.
Yup! In fact the technical terms for these can be found in Diana Baumrind's parenting styles theory. In her theory there are 4 parenting styles (permissive, authoritative, authoritarian, and uninvolved/neglectful). Authoritative is noted as the superior parenting style. baumrind-p...c29cbf.jpg 
I'm a pretty strict mom. However all my kids come to me all the time to talk to me, are open with me when they f**k up (always try to lie 1st, but they know I know and it doesn't work in their favor to lie, I already know...so I just stare till they go, f**k she knows) ask for advise, ask me to come play with them (ball, dress up, cards, dice, table games). We are not rich so they know if I say easy on the snacks, doesn't mean we are going to run out of food but my budget is tight and I need that money for gas or milk not chips and soda. My oldest is learning to drive and is now paying his cell phone bill and car insurance part from his job to learn how to pay bills. I walk him through it. I pray they grow up okay. Every day.
The best part about parenting is that you spend 18-22 years running an elaborate and delicate experiment but you don't know if your methods worked until it's too late to do anything about it. I don't think my parents spent much time thinking about how to parent, that just did whatever they felt in the moment. I hope that giving it a bit more thought will pay off.
Is this as in the "no uterus, no opinion" discussion? If you don't have kids you shouldnt have An opinion on this post?
Hm I didn’t think so. If you have an abortion, it doesn’t impact random people in society. But if you raise a child poorly, not only will the child be messed up but they will be an ongoing pain to the rest of society. You didn’t have to have a child to be affected by other peoples misguided parenting
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My parents also use the finish your plate rule but from an early age we could decide how much food was even put on the plate so we learned not to waste food and take multiple smaller portions instead of one big portion that wasnt finished
more things i'd like to add, piercings on babies ears and circumcision
Having a wrong definition of love. Sparing the children consequences of their own actions and boundaries is not love. I love you but you need to learn from your own mistakes and keeping common sense rules to become a decent person in the future, even though your struggle also may cause me pain as a parent.
does not helping a kid deal with stress because "aLL tHeY NeeD tO dO iS tHInK poSITivE thOugHTs" count?
it's kind of like this. i've been telling my mom that school has been stressing me out for a while now, and the sheer amount of homework in some days just want me to break down in tears. my mom then said "just don't think of school as stressing. think like 'ohh school is a place to learn and improve and homework is just for improving' and not like 'ughh school is so stressful i hate it' your mindset blah blah blah"
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How about those people "I can't x and y, I'm a parent." "I can't sit on ym phone and do emails, I'm a parent, just call me." "I can't do this and that I have to pick up my kids" " _____ I'm a parent." I met some one recently who unfortunately I have to be jn frequent contact with, "they had time for it , they Don't have kids. I have 2 children!"
Two I'd like to add. First, giving your kids cell phones and screens all the time so they don't get bored. Boredom is the source of inspiration. Second, I've seen a bunch of videos, from South Asia I think, where Mommy puts a bowl of food in front Stuffed Toy as Child watches. Stuffed Toy refuses to eat, so Mommy literally beats the stuffings out of it. Then Mommy puts a bowl of food in front of Child, Child obediently eats food, Mommy smiles triumphantly at camera. I think that's sick.
Yes, raising a human properly is extremely hard, that's why it takes a lot to be a good parent. Dedication, commitment, responsibility so that they'll turn out alright and you don't end up ruining their lives and others. That's why, not having kids is the opposite of selfish. Hear that, Pope??
Well... the opposite of selfish would be not having kids AND helping your friends/siblings raise their kids. Not on a daily basis, but if you help a parent raise a kid so that kid isn't screwed up... you will have made the world a better place, AND there is someone out there that cares what happens to you when you are old and feeble.
Load More Replies... Don't punish your child for not telling you about something sooner. DO reward them for telling you soon (by decreasing any punishment for what they did, not getting mad at them). Approach it with a "thanks for telling me! Lets see how we can fix this!". If you punish them for telling you late you can actually make them not tell you. Especially with teens (who are very driven by emotion). If they do something bad they may not immediately have the emotional ability to tell you, and when they finally become ready they may not due to expecting the "why didn't you tell me sooner" response. Their brains are too controlled by emotion for them to easily overcome this block and it will only get worse as time goes on. If they know confession will lead to a response of "okay lets work to fix this" and not focusing on what they did bad/punishment/shame they are SO MUCH more likely to come to you for help and will do it much sooner. It removes and lessens the anxiety associated with confession.
This is based off of my study of psychology with a focus on child development, and my own personal experiences. All I ever wanted when I did something really stupid was for my parents to focus on moving forward, not dwelling on the dumb thing I did. The expected *sigh* "i just wish you had told us sooner" paralyzed me from telling them. The "sooner" is just such a vague concept. Like, I'm telling you now! You'd say the same thing if I had told you yesterday! Just help me fix what I did!
Load More Replies... I am big enough to admit that I am guilty of some of these. I am way too overprotective and I know it. I am working on it and trying hard to let them be independent little humans but I had no relationship whatsoever with my mum, no guidance, security, positivity or cuddles. She was very cold with me and I think I'm just trying to do it differently to her but I know I can be too much sometimes I really am trying though
If you want some advice from me I have some things that might help :). 1. Make sure your kids know they can give you feedback/express their concerns and know you will listen. Gonna be mostly useful when they get older (definitely a little silly when they're younger) You don't always have to do what they want but having a respectful conversation with them about it and taking them will probably be invaluable (i'm not a parent and haven't tried this but from my own experience with my parents I think it would have been very helpful to have this structure in place). 2. I've studied child development for 4 years and definitely would recommend it to anyone. Fantastic way to understand yourself and others. 3. Giving your kids reasons for limitations and stuff is great. Not only will they respect you and your rules more, but it will help them to make their own good decisions later on.
Load More Replies... Teaching kids not to question authority. "Because I said so", "Because I'm older/smarter/in charge" aren't good arguments. A child needs to understand why you tell them to do/not to do something. It's also dangerous cause somebody can take advantage of a child because they trust adults too much and blindly follow orders no questions asked.
You have to teach children to be discerning with that. If an adult tells you not to go into the water because it's dangerous, fine to ask why, but don't argue with them. Kids have to learn when it's appropriate to question.
Load More Replies... lying kids about existence of Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Sinterklaas, Pere Noel, Baby Jesus, Kristkind, Befana, Krampus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy... etc.
I also think we should only lie about the existence of the other things. Nelson Mandela, holocaust, racism,... Those are the lies that makes their childhood peaceful
Load More Replies... Worst parenting trend I can think of is to ignore your crying baby. Please soothe your crying babies as best you can, or they'll grow up believing that the world is a constantly scary place and that nobody can ever calm them down. I speak from experience.
This. Babies learn trust through the care they receive.
Load More Replies... None of these actually seem like "trends" to me. Most of this stuff has been around in one way or another since I was a kid. We just hear people talk about it more, because of the internet.
Bad parenting appears to fall into two distinct categories: over-parenting, so being controlling or disciplinarian or scheduling your child's ever moment and experience, and non-parenting, just letting your child do whatever, whenever because you are too lazy to do your job as a parent.
Yup! In fact the technical terms for these can be found in Diana Baumrind's parenting styles theory. In her theory there are 4 parenting styles (permissive, authoritative, authoritarian, and uninvolved/neglectful). Authoritative is noted as the superior parenting style. baumrind-p...c29cbf.jpg
I'm a pretty strict mom. However all my kids come to me all the time to talk to me, are open with me when they f**k up (always try to lie 1st, but they know I know and it doesn't work in their favor to lie, I already know...so I just stare till they go, f**k she knows) ask for advise, ask me to come play with them (ball, dress up, cards, dice, table games). We are not rich so they know if I say easy on the snacks, doesn't mean we are going to run out of food but my budget is tight and I need that money for gas or milk not chips and soda. My oldest is learning to drive and is now paying his cell phone bill and car insurance part from his job to learn how to pay bills. I walk him through it. I pray they grow up okay. Every day.
The best part about parenting is that you spend 18-22 years running an elaborate and delicate experiment but you don't know if your methods worked until it's too late to do anything about it. I don't think my parents spent much time thinking about how to parent, that just did whatever they felt in the moment. I hope that giving it a bit more thought will pay off.
Is this as in the "no uterus, no opinion" discussion? If you don't have kids you shouldnt have An opinion on this post?
Hm I didn’t think so. If you have an abortion, it doesn’t impact random people in society. But if you raise a child poorly, not only will the child be messed up but they will be an ongoing pain to the rest of society. You didn’t have to have a child to be affected by other peoples misguided parenting
Load More Replies... My parents also use the finish your plate rule but from an early age we could decide how much food was even put on the plate so we learned not to waste food and take multiple smaller portions instead of one big portion that wasnt finished
more things i'd like to add, piercings on babies ears and circumcision
Having a wrong definition of love. Sparing the children consequences of their own actions and boundaries is not love. I love you but you need to learn from your own mistakes and keeping common sense rules to become a decent person in the future, even though your struggle also may cause me pain as a parent.
does not helping a kid deal with stress because "aLL tHeY NeeD tO dO iS tHInK poSITivE thOugHTs" count?
it's kind of like this. i've been telling my mom that school has been stressing me out for a while now, and the sheer amount of homework in some days just want me to break down in tears. my mom then said "just don't think of school as stressing. think like 'ohh school is a place to learn and improve and homework is just for improving' and not like 'ughh school is so stressful i hate it' your mindset blah blah blah"
Load More Replies... How about those people "I can't x and y, I'm a parent." "I can't sit on ym phone and do emails, I'm a parent, just call me." "I can't do this and that I have to pick up my kids" " _____ I'm a parent." I met some one recently who unfortunately I have to be jn frequent contact with, "they had time for it , they Don't have kids. I have 2 children!"
