A one-liner, also known as a punchline in some cases, is a truly remarkable form of a joke. First of all, it is so short that by telling it, you’ll never miss the ‘magical moment’ and will always leave your audience amused (that is if you’ve calculated your timing perfectly). Hence, if you are looking for a comedic shure-shot, we’ve just the thing for you — a thorough list of the best one-liners on the Internet!
Another thing with these one line jokes is that they work amazingly well for, say, movie characters like James Bond. He always has a hilarious and laconic quip after disposing of his enemies and is well remembered for it! In fact, probably no other jokes, but funny one liners are forever at the top of the popularity Everest by being so accessible, understandable, and ultimately funny.
Thus, we are thrilled to have the opportunity to present you with our choices of the best jokes that fall under this category; our hopes are pretty high to entertain you with this one! So now, it is precisely time that you scroll down below to check out the best one liners that we found! From punny ones to straight-up corny and from cute to sarcastic one liners, there’s a joke for absolutely anyone here.
And after you find the one that has cracked you up, be sure to vote for it! But, if such a sad instance occurs and you can’t find your favorite one-liner included in our list, add it in the comments section.
And if you enjoy quick wit, you'll also appreciate our selection of Little Johnny jokes filled with clever humor.
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Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.
Eve was the first computer hacker - she had a W**g in one hand and an Apple in the other.
phoned the takeaway last night and said "do you deliver" and lady said "no we do Ham, Chicken and Fish"
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
I once went through a drive thru funeral parlor. (for real, Spartanburg SC,long time ago closed now I think/ to a viewing. My husband forbade me to make the following joke, " can I get mine in a to go box?;oh thank you I see you already did it!" It was my great uncle's funeral. he would have loved the joke.. who do you think specified the drive thru funeral home with the Elvis impersonator preacher???
The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize.
It's A Joke! - I like how everyone just assumes it was a man who invented knock knock jokes.
What are one-liner jokes?
Simply put, a one-liner is a very short joke that delivers its punchline in just one sentence. A good one-liner should always be concise and meaningful or, if you want a fancy word for it — pithy. Although these one line jokes are most often used as a part of a bigger performance, it doesn’t mean they don’t work as standalone quips. In fact, one might even argue that the shorter the joke — the more powerful the reaction!
Funny one line jokes can also be used as a punchline of a real or fictional character, just the same as a catchphrase would. Basically, due to being so short, these jokes are very universal and can be used in a variety of circumstances (appropriate ones, of course) and ways.
The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. It’s that no one runs in your family.
250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. No, I'm not fat. I’m just not on the right planet.
If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $6.30 now.
I disliked math in high school and never got more than a B- in it but when I took the SAT's, although I scored quite high in everything else, my highest score was math.
What is the best one-liner?
Now, this is where it gets a bit biased! Each and every one of us have slightly different sense of humor and taste for our jokes, so nominating just one one-liner as the best is a tough job to say the least. However, since you, our dear readers always have an excellent taste for jokes, this one here seems to have reached number one position on our list:
Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.
So, can we agree that we found the funniest one-liner ever? Well, at least one of the best jokes, for sure!
I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.
When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
If you crossed a cantaloupe with Lassie, you'd have melancholy babies.
Left my job when the went to continental shifts, the sombrero was playing havoc with my hair
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.
You want to know the difference between a sadist and a masochist? I could tell you, but you'll have to beat the answer out of me.
What's the difference between kinky & perverted? Kinky is when you use a feather. Perverted is when you use the whole darn chicken!
Load More Replies...What's the difference between ignorance and antipathy? I don't know and go to hell.
How To Write One-Liners?
If you want to try your hand at writing one-liners, kudos to you! Homebred jokes are always the funniest and the most relevant. That said, writing one-liners comes with its own set of rules, albeit a short one:
- Set your joke up for success by making it super short;
- Start with a setup that seems like it’s going to one direction only;
- Give it a plot twist right at the end!
By following these simple one-liner writing rules, you'll be bound for success; we’re pretty certain of it. However, if you need a bit more inspiration and a little more examples of the best one-liners, keep reading our list!
I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.
Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
That for sure can hurt your feelings when people show you their disappointment openly. You should have a courage to cut them off.
Watt I like about puns about electricity: current-ly they is no charge for them.
I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… But the kids still get in.
Leave a trail of candy to the nice old lady with the house in the woods
Geology rocks, but geography’s where it’s at.
And Geodesy is how to find it! (Sorry, I work for NOAA's National Geodetic Survey Office. LOL)
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.
A kleptomaniac and a photographer were best friends for their entire lives, but never took each other's picture
The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now.
Cremation - your last chance for a smoking hot body...
Load More Replies...I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.
going to use this in everyday life... yes, I do know a lot of people constantly using social media apps for "real" information and not thinking for themselves anymore.
Is your bottom jealous of the amount of crap that comes out of your mouth?
Puns and one‑liners are comedy’s espresso shots, quick, sharp, and energizing. If these One Liner Jokes made you grin, top up your laugh levels in our one‑liner jokes collection.
The rotation of Earth really makes my day.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA pleez am i the only one laughing here?
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA pleez am i the only one laughing here?
My friend in our group chat: (this joke) Me: GYFCVGBHJG Her: What. Was. THAT. Me: I was laughing! Her: what kinda LAUGH WAS THAT Me: oh, its laughing, but gay.
What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.
So what if I don't know what "Armageddon" means? It's not the end of the world.
A blind man walked into a bar… And a table… And a chair…
How does someone walk into the air? I think the joke is good as-is, no need to finesse it...
Load More Replies...You walk into a bar and there's a line of people waiting to punch you. That's it....that's the punchline
The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list.
The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar. Things got a little tense.
https://www.cafepress.com/mf/70346056/the-past-the-present-and-the-future_mugs?productId=744160047
You know like past tense, present tense and future tense? And how tense is in like a dramatic, silent scene?
Load More Replies...What's really in-tents are Los Angeles' homeless. And the increasing numbers add to its in-tent-city.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.
A tiny bit of my respect for people has returned: Nobody said Ranch, the salad dressing created in a deep, dark place. It's mission is to be the only dressing on the shelf. I can't figure it, Sh*t' s*cks! Okay, pile on. i -
You don't need to repeat the joke we can read it the first time
Load More Replies...Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.
"You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace."
Oh, I don't know. TIL that Americans call an electric hob a cooktop. They'll be having washboxes and fooddiscs next...
C'mon, my country named it's two islands 'north island' and 'south island'
Same! It reminds me of the German word for glove, "handschuhe" or even "fingerhandschuhe" Hopefully that doesn't need translating, but... hand-shoe, finger hand shoe. I've always thought that just makes so much sense
Flugzeug - fly thing. Feuerzeug - fire thing. Spielzeug - play thing. And many more
Load More Replies...Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.
I was going to procrastinate yesterday, but decided to do it tomorrow.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’
I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.
Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
So sell those who don't, put em on a boat, send them overseas. They'll find a place to live with friends, they'll be provided a job, they'll be clothed. They'll be fed, and they will undoubtedly be educated, and, like what they will be paid after, all that is priceless... somehow I believe they'll just be ungrateful though.
Load More Replies...I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
haha this is totally not reused from every joke book I've ever read.
I've just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a rap.
Next time you go to the supermarket, prepare to have your mind blown. There's a whole section dedicated to it.
Load More Replies...A perfectionist walked into a bar... Apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough.
"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."
and the three most beautiful words is, well, i'll let you figure that out.
i realized it was seven most beautiful words.....
Load More Replies...I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He’s a small arms dealer.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.
R.I.P. boiled water. You will be mist.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
Pollen is what happens when flowers can’t keep it in their plants.
What do you need in order to make a small fortune on Wall Street? A large fortune.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust.
Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?
I threw a boomerang a couple years ago. I now live in constant fear.
Don’t worry. Since the Earth is flat, it will eventually just sail off the edge.
you dont... really believe that... right? RIGHT??
Load More Replies...Have you heard about the new restaurant called ‘Karma?’ There’s no menu — you get what you deserve.
Don’t spell part backward. It’s a trap.
If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.
Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
I feel like this is one of the basic school playground jokes that 6 year old kids are really proud of. Definitely about the extent of my level of joke telling!
A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
I’m telling this the next time I go golfing and hit a birdie
I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’
I saw a sign the other day that said, ‘Watch for children,’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.’
My IQ test results came back. They were negative.
IQ is your intelligence. An IQ test finds your IQ. The average IQ is 100. He’s saying his came back in the negatives.
Load More Replies...At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?
A termite walks into the bar and asks, ‘Is the bar tender here?’
He’s a termite. Termites eat wood. He was asking if the bar, which is made of wood, is tender enough to eat at that spot
Load More Replies...Our child has a great deal of willpower — and even more won’t power.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back.
Actually, being a pessimist is the best way to live your life. Either you're right, or pleasantly surprised.
If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why did the rooster cross the road? To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park. That is wrong on so many levels.
People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. I spilled the beans.
I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.
My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal? A polar bear.
If Ginger Rogers would have married Roy Rogers, her name would have been …never mind !
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward? A receding hare line.
did you hear about the missing hares? the police went combing the land to find them.
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
in an arthur episode, where arthur was telling secrets to buster, one of them was that dw had a brain transplant. the other secret was that arthur was born in transylvannia
I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted a little more space.
I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming.
A book fell on my head the other day. I only have my shelf to blame though.
I went to a seafood disco last week, but ended up pulling a mussel.
My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly… I’m not a fan.
Whenever I lose my TV controller, I always find it in a remote location.
As George Carlin noted: Of course. What are you going to do, keep looking?
Load More Replies..."Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is 'Good for you!'”
Congratulations for wearing a bikini when it may not be... optimal.
Load More Replies...Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got amputated? He’s all right now.
What do you call a steak that’s been knighted by the queen? Sir Loin.
Im gonna buy a farm, make a pasture, build a barn, make a milking area, and buy hundreds of dollars worth of cattle just to name a cow this
At which school did Sherlock Holmes get so smart? Elementary.
He was known for saying "Elementary, my dear Watson"
Load More Replies...Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? He got twelve months.
I wish I could second my downvote 31,536,000 times
Load More Replies...If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages?
If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get? Missile toe.
What do you call a guy who’s had too much to drink? A cab.
Did Noah include termites on the ark?
Omg I’ve never thought about that. I’m gonna ask my church pastor now.
I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
"I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos."
"Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside."
They’ve been treating me like one of the family, and I’ve put up with it for as long as I can.
What do you call a mobster who’s buried in cement? A hardened criminal.
A pig stands in front of an electric socket: “Oh no, who put you into that wall?!”
Wait.... because American plug sockets look like a pig's snout? Is that really it?! Ok that'd be why it didn't make any sense to me!! UK plugs are a triangle of three holes which are all rectangle shaped. Sorry peeps x
They do now. But I remember when they used to be pig snouts
Load More Replies...I'm so sorry, I may not be awake, but I cannot process this one - can someone please explain it to me?! Thank you in advance!
American sockets technically do look like a pig snout if you think about it, but everyone sees them more as a frowning face. electricit...bc45a4.jpg
A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing and mean your mother.
What happens to an illegally parked frog? It gets toad away.
I used to believe that all things must pass — until I got stuck behind a school bus.
Only if you are on the opposite side of the road. The two lanes travelling the same direction of the bus still have to stop if the stop sign is out
Load More Replies..."All pro athletes are bilingual. They speak English and profanity."
“Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself.”
"Just realized a pregnant dog is a dog full of puppies. That’s the best."
Well, puppies are nice, and so are dogs. So a dog full of puppies is really nice. It's a terrible "joke"
Load More Replies..."Drama: a word boring people use to describe fun people."
The Ferris wheel and the merry-go-round were invented in the same time period, but the inventors never met, because they traveled in different circles
I saw a man with one arm at a secondhand store. I went up to him and said "I don't think you'll find it here."
"My dog has no nose". "Oh no...how does he smell?" "Terrible." (Monty Python)
You mean the ones that also try to be funny but are just embarrassing?
Load More Replies...Last time I went to the doctor for a physical, he said "You are FAR too sedentary." So I made a solemn vow, at that very moment, that I was gonna go buy a dictionary.
The last time I went to the doctor, he said I was FAR too sedentary... So I made a solemn VOW, at that moment, that I was going to go buy a dictionary.
Penguin walks into a bar - says to the bartender "Has my brother been in today?" - barman says "Dunno. What's he like?"
The Ferris wheel and the merry-go-round were invented in the same time period, but the inventors never met, because they traveled in different circles
I saw a man with one arm at a secondhand store. I went up to him and said "I don't think you'll find it here."
"My dog has no nose". "Oh no...how does he smell?" "Terrible." (Monty Python)
You mean the ones that also try to be funny but are just embarrassing?
Load More Replies...Last time I went to the doctor for a physical, he said "You are FAR too sedentary." So I made a solemn vow, at that very moment, that I was gonna go buy a dictionary.
The last time I went to the doctor, he said I was FAR too sedentary... So I made a solemn VOW, at that moment, that I was going to go buy a dictionary.
Penguin walks into a bar - says to the bartender "Has my brother been in today?" - barman says "Dunno. What's he like?"
