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50 Middle-Aged People Who Never Had Kids Reveal How They Feel About It
Interview With Expert
Lots of people in their 20s and 30s nowadays are on the fence about whether to have children or not. In 2023, 47% of Americans under 50 said they're more likely to remain childless than to have children in the future. As for people over the age of 50, 23% have never had children.
Of course, the reasons vary from person to person, but the one that is cited most often (39%) by older adults is that it just didn't happen. 33% of older Americans also didn't have kids because they didn't find the right partner, and 31% admitted they just didn't want to be parents.
But how do older, childless folks feel now? What are their lives like? Well, we can get some sort of idea from the stories people shared in a recent Reddit thread. When someone asked, "People in their 40s and 50s with no children, how does it feel?", older netizens flocked to share their thoughts about the best and worst parts of being childfree.
To know more about why and how people make the conscious decision not to have children, Bored Panda reached out to clarity coach Keltie Maguire. She kindly agreed to tell us more about how differently men, women, and people of other genders approach this decision. Keltie also shared some advice for people in their 30s who are struggling with their choice to remain childfree. Read her expert insights below!
More info: Keltie Maguire | The Kids or Childfree Podcast | Instagram | TikTok | YouTube
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
This might sound weird but does anybody else never think about it? For me it’s not some internal conundrum that I’m constantly battling. I just literally have never considered having kids. I don’t think about it at all. I just live my life.
Keltie Maguire helps people make the decision "Kids or childfree?" without any judgment, shame, or fear. Some of her clients may decide they truly want children; others might get rid of the doubts they've had and finally find the courage to choose a childfree life.
She says that there are many factors that go into approaching the decision of whether to have kids. However, they can be different for men, women, and queer individuals. Women, according to Maguire, struggle with cultural and societal narratives. "[They] emphasize that a woman's natural role is to have children, and depending on the environment in which someone was raised, this can be even more prevalent."
"For example, someone brought up in a conservative or religious home, may feel such pressure to have kids that it can be difficult for them to separate their personal desires from what their family or community might want."
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#2
How does it feel? It feels awesome. I still think of it as the best decision I’ve ever made in life. I knew early on that being a parent was just not for me. I got a lot of blowback from family members, but, hey, it’s my life to live as I wish. No regrets at 60 now and loving life!
Sue Denham 4 months ago
I'm a parent myself and happily so, but I am often stunned by the audacity of people constantly telling non-parents they should reproduce. Why? We all have a right to choose.
#3
Instead of 3 kids and no monies, I chose no kids and all the monies.
Seriously zero regrets, other than not being sterilized 20 years sooner.
Kids aren't for everyone. Not all adults should be parents. Mine shouldn't have.
Just me, Happy Flower 4 months ago
YES! My parents shouldn’t have had me either. It was obvious growing up that they had me just because that’s what married people are supposed to do. I never ever ever wanted kids. Love my nieces and nephews though
Queer individuals, even if they identify as men or women, have different concerns, too. "A queer individual might grapple with the idea that they were never meant to have kids (even if they wanted them)," Keltie says. "Whereas a straight man might view the decision in terms of the legacy he believes he should leave."
Still, Maguire says that people of all genders and backgrounds struggle with the "Kids or childfree?" question. They have to fight such stereotypical notions and ideas:
- Childfree people are selfish;
- Their lives lack meaning;
- And that they are doomed to a future of loneliness.
"In case there is any question, none of these things are true," Keltie clarifies. "Or if they are, have nothing to do with the childfree choice!"
#4
Well, I’m 44M, make $100k+ a year and own my house. it’s Saturday and I just woke up at 10 am. Gonna make coffee and breakfast and probably play video games for the next few hours then who knows.
#5
Relief that I didn't cast any children into the cauldron of the 21st century.
#6
I'm happy with my choice.
Most people make a decision about whether to have kids or not in their 20s and 30s. For those who may be struggling with this dilemma currently, Keltie advises dropping the idea that there is an inherently right or wrong choice. "Consider that perhaps any choice [you] make can be right," she points out.
#7
It’s a relief. With the unexpected hardships that have arisen in my adult life, the stress of children would be k*****g me.
#8
It feels like the freedom as an adult that you imagined as a child.
It also gives me more bandwidth to help my own parents do old-timer things.
#9
We have a cat and dog & that's enough for us! We can go on holiday when we like, treat ourselves to a nice life. See our nephews regularly and happy to give them back!
Keltie cites the words of Harvard psychologist Dr. Ellen Langer, who suggests that decisions are less about the "right" choice and more about making a decision, and then making it right.
"When we subscribe to the idea that there is only one right choice in life — in addition to creating immense pressure — it is very disempowering, in that it takes away the agency we have to make our lives and situations fulfilling, in many different ways."
#10
Thankful I did not force a life into this world just to keep up and copy the life of my peers. My sister once told me I would regret not having kids because no one would care for me in old age...and then she bolted when my mum got cancer - didn't even come for the funeral. Yeah...I'm good with my choice.
#11
When you don't have kids you stop aging internally around 25 years old. And the freedom, the freedom is priceless.
Susan Teter 4 months ago
You will never understand how old you can actually feel until you have a needy little man wanting you to do EVERYTHING for him...the kids just add to that.
#12
I made the right decision not having kids. Parenting isn't for everyone and I wish society would stop acting like it is. There is nothing weird or selfish or abnormal about someone deciding children aren't for them. .
So, if you're at a crossroads, what should you do? You can look into your past for examples of your inherent resilience. Think about situations when you've been happy in seemingly opposite life situations: with different romantic partners or in different jobs.
"Even when a choice has been made, it isn't the end of the road," Keltie says. "We have many different choices we can make along the path of both parenthood and childfree living to help steer ourselves closer to a life that feels good."
#13
I can give my pets their best life. Theres always that group of people who seem to dislike childless people and they always want to bring up their legacy and whose going to take care of you when you get old. But we’ve seen plenty of older, people die alone. Gene Hackman and his wife the most recent.
Dog Mom to Zoe 4 months ago
Just because you have children, does not mean you are going to be taken care of. If that was the case, there wouldn't be so many senior homes. Some seniors prefer to go into a senior complex and some are just dumped by their children.
#15
Everything I do is my preference. My whole day is built around this. Have a bunch of nieces/nephews as well but just get to do my own thing all the time.
#16
I'm 52, will be married 25 years in a few weeks, and have no children by choice. How does it feel? FABULOUS!!!
C. S. M 4 months ago
I knew I didn't want to be a father when I was around 13, and it's been liberating. People used to say "you'll change your mind" and other nonsense, but they never considered the levity of their words. No, I've not changed my mind, and I feel no loss in my decision. I've missed out on nothing by being childfree, and I've avoided becoming an a*****e and drunk father that my own father was. I tend towards alcoholism, so it's likely good that I never became a father, and I know I never would have been a good one. As I never wanted to be the alcoholic father that my own was, I'm sure I made the right choice. Tell me now how "You'll change your mind." I'm 58 years old. Seriously, leave us alone about procreating. If you don't understand reasoning about it, you'll never get it. Leave us alone. Argue or debate all you like, but know that some of us have known since we were children, and we've been correct and complicit. It's not for others to determine. It never was. It's for me alone.
#17
Free time. No obligations. Spare money. Peace and quiet.
#19
Feels great! 44f childfree by choice, I’ve never regretted the choice, actually the decision is paying off more now than ever before. Was married for 20 years, divorced last year and was so thankful I wasn’t having to deal with custody issues or becoming a single mom on top of everything else.
My ex may have had regrets… his affair partners of choice were single moms so maybe he really wanted to play daddy 🤷♀️.
#20
I always thought that having kids would be fun and a rewarding experience --story break-- when I was 25 I dated a single mother for a while and was very involved in the kid's life --back to reality-- I no longer had any desire to have children of my own.
I have nieces and nephews, friends with kids, I can get my fill of the children experience elsewhere.
#21
Awesome to be honest. For various reasons including medical, I just don’t have the physical and mental stamina to deal with any of that. I’m also a little sensitive to noise, so shrieking children are unbearable to me.
#22
Fantastic. I actually love kids but can’t imagine:
1. Always having the responsibility of a child
2. Subjecting the child to my mental health issues
3. Bringing life into a world where Earth is dying
4. Affording to live in the US with a child
5. Dealing with the anxiety of my child’s future with the bleakness of the world issues we are currently experiencing (civil unrest/wealth disparity/nuclear war/AI/Environmental crisis, etc).
#23
Like there's money around and no responsibility.
#26
F*****g awesome! I spend all my money on me, do whatever the f**k I want, whenever I want to. There's no children crying, no messes to clean up besides the ones I make myself, no parent teacher conferences, no school recitals, no peewee soccer games I have to attend with a bunch of other loser parents that I have to be nice to because my kid is friends with their kid, I don't need to watch children's movies or TV shows, the list goes on.
The more I type this stuff, the happier I get!
#27
As someone who just spent a holiday weekend with my family and 4 nieces and nephews I definitely have no regrets.
#28
I visit family members with kids and one thing is made emphatically clear to me: my house is quiet and peaceful. I go over to my sibling-in-law house, it is so non-stop loud and noisy and screechy. My quiet house is such a big difference.
#29
I love it. 46 and so happy. We fill the space with friends, hobbies, travel. We do have a very fun niece and nephew whom we borrow occasionally. It’s like microdosing parenting.
#30
Eh. I would have liked to have children, but life just didn't work out that way. Occasionally I have the "I wish" feelings, but I also think it happened this way for a reason.
A lot of my friends have kids, and I am the 'cool aunt' who brings the fun, but can also be a listening post when the kid wants to talk about something they're not ready to talk to their parents about just yet. I'm happy with that.
I think I've also sort of become the 'kid-parent' translator in a way. Sometimes my friends are frustrated with their kids, and I've been able to explain the child's point of view that seems to help everybody step back and rethink a bit. (I kind of put it down to 'they're all in the situation, so don't see thing objectively'.) It may not be much, but if it helps, then okay.
L.V 4 months ago
The first paragraph... Yep that's me. No kids despite wanting some, still occasionally feel a pinch in my heart about it. But I also get long lie ins, money to travel abroad and go out, and quiet in the house. And play with my friends' and family's kids, and giving them back to their parents at the end of the day. Not quite what I wanted, but I'm ok with it now.
#31
40, and lifelong single and loving it. Can do what I want whenever. I have colleagues on their second marriage, drama galore. I want none of that.
#34
I feel content AF. I travel to foreign countries twice a year and use my disposable income on whatever I want. I have friends, family, and I’m very happy! 47F.
#35
Things are hard enough without them I'm glad I didn't have any, especially considering the way everything will be falling apart in the next 5-10 years. It's a great time to not exist.
#41
Totally awesome. My husband and I have been together for about 23 years and couldn’t be happier.
#44
Wonderful. I am not infrequently feeling gratitude for making the choice not to have children. Love kids. Did NOT want my own. I’m a woman who is almost certainly past the child rearing age and I have no regrets.
#45
30 years after I knew I didn’t want them, ship has sailed physically, and not one doubt or regret that no kids was for me. Life has been an adventure, impossibly had with kids in tow.
#46
No regret. Some of us are cut out for parenting, and some of us aren't. So glad that all choices are celebrated.
#47
I actually cannot have children biologically and I would not have changed a thing. I would not have been able to live in as many places as I have and met the amazing people on my journeys that I have.
Now I have the time to take care of my parents, who suffer from dementia. If I had kids, I'd be in the same boat as my sister, tied up in my own little bubble. I don't miss what I never had. I do enjoy spending time with my nephews, but glad to hand them back when I am ready to go home. I love kids, I truly do, but I was not meant to have them.
#48
My time is mine to do as I want, I have disposable income to spend on hobbies/travel/life and plenty of down time to recharge as and when I need to. I have a bustling, fulfilling and very social life but it's on my terms and not beholden to someone else.
That said, I'm lucky in some respects to have a few awesome nephews. I get to be the cool uncle and have loads of fun with them when we hang out and watching them grow has been an amazing experience. I will always be there if they need me but at the end of the day they go back to being the full time responsibility of my sister, brother and their respective partners.
#49
Pretty awesome! Got paid yesterday (actually Thursday due to holiday). No bills this pay, so I have to make the hard decision to either invest or put in my HYSA. Though one.
My Saturday will consist of going to see my bro who has adult kids, then go see those same kids (my nieces). After, make the trek to hang with some close friends, and their kids who I actually love and adore.
Tonight, a fellow childfree "friend" will come over. We'll have plenty of drinks, listen to music and ease into the night. Tomo morning, I'll make breakfast and coffee. Or will head to brunch if too hungover.
Sunday I'll relax, probably finish the latest season of Squid Game and The Bear. Maybe practice the guitar and do some writing as I ease into Sunday night.
Life is swell.
Edit: 42 Male.
#53
Great! Its 9am on a Saturday, relaxing in bed with my husband with our cats, going to garden for a bit, then we will go town for dinner and a movie then we are going to sleep in our guest cabin tonight just for fun. Every night is date night, we eat what we want, get high when we want, etc. Our niece and nephews spend time with us in the summers and love their lives when they are here.
#56
Just bought a switch 2 just for me. I get up at 9am and make myself an americano. I take a number 2 with no one banging on the door. No worries about kids hearing my special naughty time with my wife. If we want to go somewhere on a whim we do. I have time to enjoy the hobbies I have. If i need a kid fix I babysit my nieces and nephews, fill em up with bad stuff and send them back to their parents.
#57
Psychologically very comfortable. If you have children, I assume you have to be careful with your words, actions, and others to become a "role model" for your children. I don't feel stress knowing that I don't have to pretend.
#59
Sorry, I couldn't hear you through these piles of money. But I have generous, ample free time for dorking around on Reddit because all my free time is genuinely completely free.
#60
Relaxing, comforting, exhilarating and oh so glorious. My husband and I have the extra time and money to do whatever we want whenever we want. Amazing s*x, travelling, enjoying multiple hobbies, spending time together and with friends/family, sleeping in, no stress, 24/7 happiness, shopping, learning new things, etc.
#62
It feels just fine! If you look close enough, you’ll quickly find very many people who need love and kindness.
#63
Like a relief. It’s easier to save a little money for traveling which is me and my partner’s favorite thing to do. I am always exhausted after the work week and the thought of having to take care of kids in addition to basic adulting makes me so anxious. I’m also happy that we don’t have to shlep a bunch of stuff every time we leave the house nor do we have to worry about our neurosis rubbing off on any offspring.
#64
I am fine. I would have loved to have kids but never found the right person. That hasn’t stopped me from
Living a great life.
#65
I was a heavy drinker for years, so any children of mine would not have fared well. I'm happy with my decision not to have any.
#66
Going to gym whenever we want. Waking up whenever we want. Feels like I have no responsibility outside of work and my wife.
#67
I can give you two perspectives and they are both true. I am in my 50s and live a good life. I have a beautiful home (albeit small) and friends I can rely on in difficult times. I make a decent living. I have no complaints. However in the depths of my soul I wish I’d had kids. Even if it meant I would have struggled. The thing I learned is struggle doesn’t escape most people in life but we get through it. Also children don’t stay small forever. So, yes if I could do it all over again I would have had children—even if it meant being a single Mom.
#69
Honestly I think about this a lot as we now have a lot of money and time. We go on several epic vacations every year and have zero budgeting, pretty much just buy whatever we want and max out 4 retirement accounts and throw a bunch in savings. Feels like a rock star a lot of times.
I will say had my twin bro not had kids whom I’m very close to I probably would have felt more compelled to have kids, my wife didn’t really want them tho.
What do you think ?
Deborah B 4 months ago
I never really wanted children. Now I'm disabled, getting older, living alone with my cat. Caring for myself is a struggle, and I'm often lonely... and I am so incredibly relieved I never had children. It would be so much harder to have a child as well. The physical and mental load of parenthood would crush me, and my child might end up being my caretaker, which would be hideously unfair to them. I would advocate not having children unless you desperately want them, and you are physically, mentally and financially in a position to provide a secure childhood for them.
Mi So 4 months ago
This says it all for me too. Once upon a time, I wanted kids, though. Now, I’m so incredibly grateful I didn’t have any. With my health stuff, life is difficult enough & I’d hate to have kids suffering as a result. Yes, there are some fabulous disabled parents; I’m certainly NOT saying they shouldn’t have kids. But for me, not having any is a relief.
Load More Replies... Miriam Insidecor 4 months ago
There's a huge amount of freedom that goes along with not having kids. Yes, having your own time and money is great, but for me the best thing about not having them is the lack of responsibility needed. I would hate to have to arrange my life around kids.
Krd 4 months ago
Oh yeah. Money and time are the biggest downsides to kids. Somedays I barely have enough energy/motivation/time to clean my cats litter box. I can't even imagine adding on everything it takes to care for a child!
Load More Replies... Just me, Happy Flower 4 months ago
I never wanted kids. Had a hysterectomy at age 30. Still the best thing I’ve ever done! My husband and I can just jump in the car and go anywhere. Anytime we want.
Deborah B 4 months ago
I never really wanted children. Now I'm disabled, getting older, living alone with my cat. Caring for myself is a struggle, and I'm often lonely... and I am so incredibly relieved I never had children. It would be so much harder to have a child as well. The physical and mental load of parenthood would crush me, and my child might end up being my caretaker, which would be hideously unfair to them. I would advocate not having children unless you desperately want them, and you are physically, mentally and financially in a position to provide a secure childhood for them.
Mi So 4 months ago
This says it all for me too. Once upon a time, I wanted kids, though. Now, I’m so incredibly grateful I didn’t have any. With my health stuff, life is difficult enough & I’d hate to have kids suffering as a result. Yes, there are some fabulous disabled parents; I’m certainly NOT saying they shouldn’t have kids. But for me, not having any is a relief.
Load More Replies... Miriam Insidecor 4 months ago
There's a huge amount of freedom that goes along with not having kids. Yes, having your own time and money is great, but for me the best thing about not having them is the lack of responsibility needed. I would hate to have to arrange my life around kids.
Krd 4 months ago
Oh yeah. Money and time are the biggest downsides to kids. Somedays I barely have enough energy/motivation/time to clean my cats litter box. I can't even imagine adding on everything it takes to care for a child!
Load More Replies... Just me, Happy Flower 4 months ago
I never wanted kids. Had a hysterectomy at age 30. Still the best thing I’ve ever done! My husband and I can just jump in the car and go anywhere. Anytime we want.
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