It’s no big secret that every relationship comes with its unique set of norms, limits, and problems. Yet sometimes, especially if you don’t have a lot of expertise in the area, it can be hard to recognize whether the tendencies of your partner are actually normal or if they carry an unhealthy undertone.

This is particularly true in the case of long-term relationships since it may be easier to overlook and perhaps even rationalize someone’s conduct when you’ve given all of yourself to one person for such a lengthy period. However, regardless of your circumstances, there are certain relationship issues that you should never put up with, be it something as evil as abuse or as seemingly harmless as being a bit too clingy.

“People whose first relationship was very long-term, what weird thing did you believe was normal until you started seeing other people?” – this web user turned to one of Reddit’s most thought-provoking communities, asking its members to describe what traits and behaviors they thought were normal before they started dating others. The thread managed to garner over 57k upvotes as well as 11.8k comments discussing the random and sometimes rather toxic antics of ex-lovers.

More info: Reddit

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

Man with a blue cap checking phone next to a custom blue bicycle on the street. I texted my then new girlfriend about where I was and who I was with about every 30 minutes. After the 3rd time, she told me that she didn't need to get updates on what I was doing, and to just let her know when I got home safe. I remember feeling almost a physical weight being lifted off my chest because I didn't have to worry about my girlfriend freaking out if I didn't update her. I learned what trust felt like that night.

SirLuckey , joey zanotti Report

Final score:
0points
POST
RELATED:
    #2

    Rainbow flags waving above tents at a festival, with trees and a clear sky in the background. Daily binge drinking until I realized a) I'm an alcoholic and b) hetero relationships don't work when one partner tries to drink the gay away Only took me 9 years but I got there eventually

    GaiaMoore , Paul Simpson Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #3

    A person sitting on a chair, appearing distressed, highlighting relationship issues in dating experiences. This is morbid but I thought it was normal to argue every day. I thought 'all couples have their bickering' and it was just a regular thing. I was astounded when I went into my next relationship and actually got on with the guy and went weeks and weeks without having any issues. It always felt like the bubble was going to burst. Goes to show - don't stay in a relationship just because you've already invested a tonne of time. You get one life, spend it with someone who makes you laugh every day.

    saturnbands182 , Liza Summer Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #4

    Two people holding hands, highlighting relationship discoveries and personal growth. Your partner should actually make an effort to spend time with you. You shouldn't have to surprise them to spend any time with them.

    Deadmeat553 , K-State Research and Extension Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #5

    A couple walking in a lush green forest, highlighting relationship discoveries in a serene setting. That you should be happy together *now*, and not constantly waiting for some vaguely defined future where everything's settled down.

    Zenco3DS , Jeremy Segrott Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #6

    Person sitting on a bench, head in hands, reflecting on relationship lessons discovered after dating someone else. My first boyfriend was so ridiculously clingy. Like if we were in bed together we would HAVE to cuddle otherwise he would cry and think that I was mad at him, when in reality I was just hot and wanted some space. I just thought that's what relationships were. My relationship now is nothing like that. It is so nice to be in the same room but doing completely seperate things and not have to worry about each other.

    physicslover69 , Inzmam Khan Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #7

    Two Siamese cats cuddling on a red chair, representing relationship comfort and warmth. This is a little strange I guess, sort of an individual thing, but... with my first two relationships (5 years total between the two) I never realized how cuddly I am. I used to HATE being touched or kissed, and I never realized that wasn't just... the way I was. I even thought I might be asexual, but deep down I knew that wasn't the case. My fiancé used to be the same way, but when we met, somehow things just... clicked into place.

    itsFlycatcher , Andrea S Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #8

    Finger touching a mousetrap baited with a red heart, symbolizing discovery of issues in a relationship. You're apparantly not supposed to be afraid of your boyfriend, and a man doing his share of his own housework is not impossible to come by nor something you can't realistically expect! Also your partner isn't supposed to hate your friends and family nor shout at you about not having steak for dinner. And throwing glasses/plates at you or throwing punches is, like, frowned upon. (I'm living a much better life nowadays, truly! :) )

    GinnyMaple , Nicu Buculei Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #9

    A couple standing on a mountain at sunset, embracing and overlooking a vast landscape, symbolizing relationship discoveries. People's love languages are all different. It's especially jarring when you have a *lot* of experience doing things a certain way, and then finding out that isn't what somebody else needs. It can take some work to figure out what's inherent to yourself and what was learned from your partner.

    HelpfulCherry , Bhavishya Goel Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #10

    Close-up of a tiger licking its nose, showcasing unique patterns and intense gaze. I would lick the side of my first girlfriend's face like a dog and she loved it. My second girlfriend slapped me when I tried it.

    Natesradscreenname , Tambako The Jaguar Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #11

    Messy bedroom with unmade beds and clothes on top, illustrating relationship issues in shared space dynamics. That sex should last more than 45 seconds

    anon , j0hncooke Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #12

    Wrapped gifts with colorful bows on a table, highlighting relationship insights through thoughtful gestures. I see so much horrible things on here, mine is quite tame but here goes. My first boyfriend would always leave me small presents or notes underneath my pillow if I had to get up earlier than he did. He was quite romantic and told me I love you quite a lot. When I got a new boyfriend I caught myself looking underneath my pillow for at least a month/2 months in, just out of habit.

    Mila999 , Neeta Lind Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #13

    A silver cross necklace with clear beads on a dark background, symbolizing personal discoveries in relationships. I grew up in a pretty strict Christian home and was taught that sex before marriage was a sin. My first teenage boyfriend and I were together for 5 years and never came anywhere close to having sex. At the time, I thought it was because I was a good Christian. Since sex before marriage was wrong, I didn't want to have sex with him. All my friends were either having sex or struggling not to. I didn't understand this because I didn't have the desire to do "wrong," just as I didn't have the desire to hurt people or lie or steal. He and I broke up as our lives went in different paths. My next relationship became sexual pretty quickly, and it was only then that I realized that I was never really attracted to my ex, which is why I didn't want to have sex with him.

    Laceybram , Amelia Isa Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #14

    Couple watching fireworks, highlighting relationship discoveries at a lively night event. It wasn't super long term, only about a year but when you're in high school that's fairly long term. My ex was a very clingy dude, sweet but would follow me around every social gathering and get jealous of me spending time with my friends. When I started dating the guy who is now my husband I remember looking around at a party early on of mostly my friends that he hadn't met before and I couldn't find him. I asked someone where he was and he was out by the fire with a group of people chatting and hanging out. I was astonished that we could just go our separate ways in a social setting and that was totally fine, we didn't have to be attached at the hip the whole time. Edit: When I say he would follow me around I literally mean he never left my side. And these were parties and things where he knew everyone as well. At one point my friend was upset so I went into a bedroom with her and another friend to talk to her and within five minutes he came into the room and even though this was obviously private he just stood in there. And I did tell him multiple times that we didn't constantly have to be beside each other. If you and your partner like to hang out at parties that's fine but it was suffocating to me. He was jealous of my friends and complained when I would make plans with them. Honestly we were young and he's probably a totally fine dude now. We were just not right together.

    missluluh , joey zanotti Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #15

    Person sitting against a gray wall, knees hugged to chest, representing relationship realizations. That mental/emotional abuse and not doing things together was normal...if that makes sense. We met online and our first date was okay...but that was the last time we ever really went out in public. He was older than me so after work he would come to my college dorm. He forced me to have sex, and would get angry with me if I didn't....mock sadness and disappointment in me. I didn't want to but I thought I loved him and I thought he knew best. He would avoid me for months at a time, just saying he was busy (usually during the summer. He was a teacher), and then try to convince me everything was okay come September. He got engaged to another woman while still trying to convince me we were a happy couple. They got married two months ago. Yes, I should have registered the signs, but he was my first relationship ever and I just wanted to believe it was all normal and okay. :( On a much happier, lighter note, I am currently engaged to the actual man of my dreams, and he treats me like a princess :)

    mountaincal48 , Pixabay Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #16

    Couple embracing in a kitchen, capturing a moment of affection and relationship dynamics. Not every guy wants to throw on Motown and slow dance with you. Some of them don't even care to touch you. I miss the slow dances.

    Horrorgoreandlove , cottonbro studio Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #17

    Heart-shaped cookies with icing phrases, symbolizing relationship insights. Putting his wants over my needs. Putting his comfort above mine. His comfort over my safety. They shouldn't try to make you jealous. And definitely shouldn't get mad if it doesn't work. They also shouldn't make you feel like one day their fist will find your face instead of a wall. Anger issues should not be normal. And one day I realized that if/when it happened, I could forgive him. I wish I had told someone that so they could have told me I should never even consider that possibility. I also thought that violently swinging from rage to sappy romantic in less than a second was sweet, since it meant he was sorry for whatever he did or said.

    PostItFrustrations , Stephanie Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #18

    Yellow flag with a smiley face on a boat mast, highlighting relationship insights. My ex put her happines on me making it my responisbilty. Would demand I stay around and cut my work hours back and then be upset when we wouldnt have money to go out. Every time I would try and leave I was coerced with sex to stay, because I was young and stupid. After 8 years I had enough I moved 5 states away. Had a chain of bad relatsionships that ended, took some time to work on myself and im now engaged to an amazing woman I can communicate with share feelings about issues and who values a healthy relationship.

    stevenuniverse_89 , richardhe51067 Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #19

    Person with folded arms, pouting, wearing a striped shirt; reflecting on relationship insights. Her father hating me. I just thought this was normal, but in the subsequent 3 relationships (last one turning into a marriage and family) the parents were kind and I couldn't believe that is possible.

    motorbiker1985 , Eric Chan Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #20

    Person with curly hair partially hidden under white bedding, reflecting on relationship insights. just like a lot of toxic behaviour. It wasnt a healthy relationship and I found myself looking after the other person and organizing my life around their needs. 4 years later and im still learning what a healthy relationship looks like and what its like when someone is looking after my needs.

    anon , Ketut Subiyanto Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #21

    Exchanging vows and rings during a wedding ceremony, symbolizing relationship rules. Wait, not everyone wants commitment? I always looked to the future. It was nice that the guys I dated in between my long relationships were kind enough to break it off when they realized what I was really after though.

    n0tr3allyh3r3 , Brandon O'Connor Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #22

    Bathroom sink with mirrored cabinet and white tiled walls, illustrating a relationship discovery moment. Not me but the girl I'm currently dating said that her first long-term boyfriend would stare at himself in the bathroom for an hour or so before going to bed each night.

    chiefk240 , Wonderlane Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    #23

    Close-up of Hershey's Kisses with silver and red foil wrappers, featuring "Kisses" tags prominently. That some girls, in a relationship, don't like to kiss as often as others. I'm just talking about pecks when I/gf gets home etc. I always enjoyed a hello kiss but I guess some girls don't?

    herpes_free_since_73 , Sheila Sund Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #24

    Traffic light with red heart symbol, representing relationship insights. It was very minor all things considered. I got used to never being complimented, just criticized. I take that back, he did compliment me, once. He told me that in Saudi (his parents worked for an oil company and had moved there) I'd be worth many camels because I was "buxsom, had child bearing hips, and reddish hair". Yeah, he actually said buxsom. I've been married 22 years, and he was several years before that, and I still don't do well with compliments.

    ArtEclectic , joiseyshowaa Report

    Final score:
    0points
    POST

    Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing!

    Follow Bored Panda on Google News!