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Is it all-consuming love or are they just being toxic? It's the conundrum many a rom com fan might have when watching their favorite movie. If you're a fan of the romance genre, you might have wondered the same.
Was Edward from Twilight really the boyfriend of every girl's dreams or just a controlling 107-year-old vampire creeping on an unassuming 17-year-old? And was Ally and Noah's bickering in The Notebook really that cute or were they just awful at healthy communication?
Public opinion on movies changes often, but as we gain more awareness about what's okay and not okay in relationships, we can reevaluate rom coms from the past. One netizen recently was interested to hear which romantic movies people once revered but now realize were romanticizing toxic relationships.
So, they came to Reddit for some insights. "What movie is considered 'romantic' when in reality it's very toxic??" they asked. And film enthusiasts had some unexpected picks.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Dirty Dancing. Baby was like 16-17 and Johnny was like 25-26. It was completely inappropriate, and whether he knew it or not, he was taking advantage of an extremely naive teenage girl who was still in high school.
I get that it was her coming of age story, but what parent wouldn’t be trying to keep their teenage daughter from hanging out with a bunch of adults almost 10 years older then her, who were hanging out all night drinking & partying. .
StrangeOne 5 months ago
Patrick Swayze hated working with Jennifer Gray and it showed in some of the scenes where his character was supposed to get a bit annoyed with her.
RELATED:
#2
Mrs. Doubtfire. It turns out that Daniel was always capable of being a good parent and taking actual care of the family, he just chose not to until his wife got fed up. Then instead of accepting that being a lazy man-child has consequences and trying to prove himself the right way, he commits fraud and decieves this entire family and the court.
Still one of my fav movies though.
StrangeOne 5 months ago (edited)
There wasn't enough of a backstory and depiction of who Daniel was as a dad, other than the chaotic birthday party. It seemed like parents were getting on bad terms before that point. Never thought Daniel was a bad dad. He loved his kids and wanted to be part of their lives. It confused me why Miranda wanted to ban Daniel from seeing them. He was never a*****e to them or her. I saw Miranda didn't give Daniel a chance because she just saw him as an incompetent Dad. When he became Mrs. Doubtfire he was able to be given that chance to be the parent he wanted to be, and he was able to prove himself without Miranda telling him how things should be done. All I'm saying is at least he was trying to be in his kid's life.
#3
Overboard. Kurt Russell kidnaps Goldie Hawn and forces her into domestic slavery.
StrangeOne 5 months ago
This was never a romance movie in my opinion. I just saw it as a funny revenge movie.
#4
*Pretty Woman*.
Socks Thecate 5 months ago
How p**********n is portrayed in this movie and the reality couldn't be more different.
#5
Twilight.
Colleen Glim 5 months ago
The books were never intended to be classic fiction. The movies were even worse. Tried to read the first book. Got 4 chapters in and gave up. Too much teenage angst for me
#6
Mentioning ‘Grease’ because I don’t see it here. Cinema Therapy (YouTube) does an episode about it.
#7
Fifty shades of grey.
Colleen Glim 5 months ago
I can’t believe all three books were made into movies. They were so formulaic. It’s like the author decided to write a book, googled how to write a book, and then followed the instructions
#8
Tbh I think every romantic comedy is based on a toxic relationship. That's why rom coms are fantasy fulfillment.
Luke Branwen 5 months ago
Also, just a handful of them passes the DeVito test: "If your romantic movie would turn into horror/thriller if you replaced the main actor with Danny DeVito, you don't have a romantic movie, the man is just hot."
#9
Thank you! I can't stand The Notebook, it's just a horrible movie that portrays toxicity as romance. I had a friend in college who was shocked that I hadn't seen it (I'm a big fan of romcoms) and we watched it together. I was stunned the entire time and afterwards she told me she felt like her relationship with her boyfriend felt like the one from the movie. I expressed concern because of how toxic the relationship in the movie is and she got so defensive of the movie. I was shocked.
#10
I know this is a movie sub about movies, but I got to mention 'How I Met Your Mother'. Ted was such a pathological liar in every episode, just trying to get laid. It was infuriating.
Power puff scientist 5 months ago
hated this show so much, this guy f*****g around and almost getting married twice, which only didn't happen because both women dumped him, to finally meet the "perfect" woman and his true love. who then dies so he goes back to his ex, who he never forgot about. its such a s**t story.
#11
Never Been Kissed. Not so much toxic but creepy I suppose.
StrangeOne 5 months ago (edited)
Nah, I feel like the whole teacher hitting on a student thing was swept under the rug too quickly. The news director (?) boss guy had seen what was going on, pointed it out and the only other time it was mentioned was when the teacher angrily admitted he was being inappropriate and nothing came of it.
#12
4 Weddings and a Funeral. Carrie (Andie MacDowell) is awful to Charles (Hugh Grant). She invites him wedding dress shopping when he clearly fancies her — and this is after they have slept together— and then invites him to her wedding too. Then she shows up to his wedding, assume this is unexpected based on his reaction, and then blows that up. She is a horrible self absorbed narcissistic person. “It’s raining? I hadn’t noticed.” WORST line delivery EVER!!
Christos Arvanitis 5 months ago
“It’s raining? I hadn’t noticed.” WORST line delivery EVER!!... this is SO true. I often cite this as literally the worst acting and line delivery on film. Her delivery and acting, particularly this line. is SOOOOOO bad.
#13
Seven Brides For Seven Brothers. A popular musical. For the music, dancing, and choreography, it is excellent. The subject matter is an appalling story of backwoods boys kidnapping women to marry them.
Becca not Becky 5 months ago
I hate to say it but I agree. I love the dancing, singing, costumes, and it's overall a fun movie/musical. BUT the kidnapping element is pretty messed up.
#14
Keira Knightley's storyline in love actually.
#16
40 Days and 40 nights.
Josh Hartnett gets r***d by his ex, and Shannyn Sassamon blames it on him and frames it as him cheating on her.
I think now people realize how messed up the movie is, but back then it was played as a quirky romantic comedy like hahaha let’s sexually harass Josh Hartnett it’s funny because he’s a guy.
Courtney Christelle 5 months ago
How did his ex not get arrested and thrown in jail for r**e!?
#17
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. Anakin thinks that he is entitled to bang some girl who is 5 years older than him that he met once 10 years ago and has obsessed over since and such a relationship would violate his vow to chastity in his religious order, and she clearly indicates to him that she is not interested in romance with him and even tells him that he makes her feel uncomfortable and that choosing to have a relationship with him would interfere with her rising political career.
#18
Titanic is toxic in the way that it makes it seem these 2 people had this lifetime of true love when in reality it was a strong 4 day fling.
I get that it was unlike any connection they’ve ever had before, given that Rose’s life was basically not her own and she’s just now finally learning to live her own life, but still.
Power puff scientist 5 months ago
even though she was married and had several kids and grandkids she never stopped thinking about this homeless guy she had s*x with on a boat once, and when she dies and goes to heaven she reunites with him instead of her lifelong husband. its kind of dumb.
#19
The two main characters of Serendipity are lucky to be played by John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale with so much chemistry because they are awful people f*****g over their committed partners for a second chance at capturing the magic of a single evening years prior.
#20
Sweet Home Alabama. She chooses the man who refused a divorce for 15 years and was disrespectful to her for the majority of the film. Same could be said for The Notebook. They agreed on nothing and Ally was slapping him regularly? Very toxic love that was packaged as a fantasy.
StrangeOne 5 months ago
These types of films are fun to watch if you just watch them at face value and enjoy the antics. But that ending in SHA was awkward. She was already engaged to someone and needed her ex to sign the divorce papers before they could marry, then she started getting feelings for her ex again and had to make a choice (SPOILER ALERT) at the end of the movie, at the altar because the papers hadn't been signed yet. What was the point of the whole movie just to get to that ending???
#21
Wuthering Heights. The book (which I love) is about a group of absolutely terrible people, and the movies keep trying to make things all pretty. It never works.
#23
Forrest Gump, but for a completely different reason.
Its a healthy romance on Forrest's part (for the most part). But Jenny constantly runs from him until she is about to die. You can't fully blame her though. I mean being SAd has some awful effects on someone.
Its one of those films that has a healthy romance despite the toxic dynamic.
Edit: just to be clear, I love how the characters growth of Jenny is portrayed. I am not complaining.
StrangeOne 5 months ago
People really miss the point of those two's story lines. The movie was showing how much better Jenny's life could have been if she didn't keep pushing him away. I love this movie, though. Jenny and Forrest didn't have a toxic relationship. But Jenny had a unhealthy outlook on life. We feel some sympathy for her as her dad was super a*****e. She was able to make her own choices in life later.
#24
Wedding Crashers maybe? Owen Wilson's character should have stopped pursuing Racheal McAdam's character when she made it clear she did not want to see him.
#25
Romeo and Juliet.
Two 13 year olds basically implode both their families because they fall in lust and want to bang each other.
Scott Rackley 5 months ago
I guess you didn't get the whole tragedy motif of it. It's not supposed to be a love story.
#26
Pretty in pink.
#27
How about While You Were Sleeping? She literally allows the man and his family to think she was his secret fiancée and then falls for his brother. WTH?
Peluka.uy 5 months ago
Yeah, and that's the conflict of the movie... She knows that what She's doing is wrong and she feels guilty about it but she doesn't know how to get out of the situation. You made it sound like she planned the whole thing and that would have been problematic but it's not the case.
#28
50 first dates. She’s literally Incapable of having any romantic relationship because of her condition, and he basically took advantage of a mentally disabled woman.
Imagine the absolute t*****e she endures on a daily basis, waking up to realize she has a husband & child she’s completely incapable of remembering, and will have to endure that t*****e the rest of her life. .
StrangeOne 5 months ago
This take is missing the point. Her life was unimaginably rough no matter what. All the townspeople had to recreate one day of the crash, reprint copies of newspapers, and let her do the same thing day after day. I think she got somewhat better with familiarizing events happening later in her life when everyone realized they could stop enabling the memory loss as non-existent for her. If that makes sense. People started realizing one day she would wake up and no longer have a father and everything would unfamiliar to her suddenly.
#29
Gone with the Wind.
Suby 5 months ago
I always thought the movie really showed what a bunch of selfish jerks the white people were, especially Scarlett and her sisters, but also the entire high society of Atlanta. The only people who were relatable and heroic were the (former) slaves, especially Mammy and Prissy (who was not stupid at all; she just utilized the survival skills she had without ever being able to get an education). The only good white people were Melanie, who was so nice that she was almost a caricature, and Belle, who was a prostitute. I never thought the movie glorified the old South; it just showed what a bunch of jerks ran it.
#30
Sleepless in Seattle is a horror movie.
#31
How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Nobody really addresses how awful what they're each doing to each other is other than one throw away line.
StrangeOne 5 months ago
I've never heard a movie title be mentioned in a movie as much as in this movie. Still a funny movie. But the ending seemed like the writers just wanted to wrap up the movie with an easy fix. The characters just both find they love each other despite the huge argument, hurt and resentment, and how publicly they both humiliated each other.
#33
Tom Cruise and Elisabeth Shue in “Cocktail”. Cheats on her for a dare, comes crawling back after blowing it with his sugar momma, decides they must get married because she’s pregnant and wins her over by turning down a bribe from her father.
#34
Beauty and the beast gets a darker undertone the older i get.
Ellinor 5 months ago (edited)
To be honest, between Gaston : A guy that is genuinely someone bad and dismiss her interests and try to have her to the point where he's ready to imprison her father and make his be seen as mad and is a full narcissist, and the Beast : Was cursed as a child and had to be raised on his own in an empty and cold castle who only loves his roses then makes a mistake but changes and improve for the best and loves Belle and lets her go to save her father and GIFT HER A LIBRARY, who do you rather pick ? (Sorry for the rant, I'm a HUGE fan of beauty and the beast (I related to Belle since I was 6))
#36
Reality Bites, a film centered on a protagonist giving up on her creative dreams to settle with some manipulative a*****e who doesn't change by the end of it.
#37
Isn’t ’You’ve Got Mail’ just Catfished: The Movie?
Pheebs 5 months ago
You’ve Got Mail is a 90s version of Shop Around the Corner (1940), which was in turn based on the play Parfumerie (1937) (yes, I confirmed the dates). I’m not sure this fully fits catfishing, by definition, as the initial intent was anonymous penpals. And even then, the entire deception was them continuing on as normal in their written communications, while making an effort to stop being an a*s in real life.
#38
I scrolled quite a bit and couldn't find it so, I'll add 500 days of summer. I can't believe people still think it's a cutesy romance flick.
#41
Twister. Jo refused to sign divorce papers for six months. Bill has moved on and intends to marry Melissa, but Jo manipulates him into joining her crew for one last storm chase. Jo then starts belittling Bill's fiance while also gaslighting him. Within 24 hours, Jo destroys Bill and Melissa's relationship as well as his brand new truck. Jo is destructive and unstable, much like the tornadoes she has chased throughout her life.
#42
Hitch.
Imagine taking dating advice from 2020s Will Smith.
Henrik Knudsen 5 months ago
I feel sorry and sad for how he is today. He was a role model to me.
#43
Along came Polly! I went into this movie thinking it was gonna be another Ben Stiller comedy, but was a toxic comedy with an OK ending.
#44
Miss congeniality. i just watched it (for the perfect date, of course), and my sister and i were like “wow there are some parts of this movie that would not do well if it was released today”.
StrangeOne 5 months ago
Which parts? This was actually a pretty good movie. The part when cops were using some sort of program that revealed their coworkers bodies was terrible and just showed how inappropriate and sexist the department was. I don't think such program actually existed, at least back then, and it did seem like a weird way to jump to the reasonings for who they picked to be a beauty contestant.
#45
So if we can count the Downton Abbey movies... daisy and Andy. He is shown, on screen, to be possessive and have violent outbursts over his jealousy. He can't handle her si much as talking to another man and is in general an entire bouquets of red flags. And then there is a scene where other staff tell Daisy that IT IS ROMANTIC and I could not believe what I was watching.
#46
Technically not romantic, but, 'The Devil Wears Prada'... every relationship in there is toxic.
StrangeOne 5 months ago (edited)
That was the point. This is not necessarily a romance movie. Working Girl was more of a romance movie that TDWP, and even that was not a romantic movie.
#47
Juno. Lots of it are pretty gross, but the budding relationship between Elliot Page and Jason Bateman’s characters was realllllly disturbing to me.
#50
About Time. I love that movie but he basically removes her free will by being able to redo every moment of his life to get what he wants.
#52
Even though they’re my favorite movies, the Raimi Spider-Man trilogy seems to normalize cheating.
#53
I enjoy Groundhog day & About time but they are a fantasy of the men having complete control so that everything can go exactly their way and that’s always felt off to me
When Harry Met Sally isn’t romantic to me either. just such an annoying & heteronormative logic.
What do you think ?
Gavin Johnson 5 months ago
Wait until you find out that Jaws was misunderstood. Bruce just wanted a hug.
Kim Gatlin 4 months ago
Bruce was just doing what sharks do. Oh, wait, they don't actually target humans. But still one of my favorite movies. If people had just taken it as fiction and not targeted sharks as villains and killing them indiscriminately. But it did eventually lead to better understanding and conservation.
Load More Replies... 
XenoMurph 5 months ago
Often they were more than simple love stories too. What people are seeing as "of the time" were intentionally there to show the potential harmful toxicity of love/lust/infatuation. The fact Romeo and Juliette is on this list shows people missed the whole point, it's INTENTIONALLY toxic. And people misunderstood when viewing it as a love story. The same is true of many of these. It's not about the love, it's about the toxicity.
Load More Replies...
Gavin Johnson 5 months ago
Wait until you find out that Jaws was misunderstood. Bruce just wanted a hug.
Kim Gatlin 4 months ago
Bruce was just doing what sharks do. Oh, wait, they don't actually target humans. But still one of my favorite movies. If people had just taken it as fiction and not targeted sharks as villains and killing them indiscriminately. But it did eventually lead to better understanding and conservation.
Load More Replies... XenoMurph 5 months ago
Often they were more than simple love stories too. What people are seeing as "of the time" were intentionally there to show the potential harmful toxicity of love/lust/infatuation. The fact Romeo and Juliette is on this list shows people missed the whole point, it's INTENTIONALLY toxic. And people misunderstood when viewing it as a love story. The same is true of many of these. It's not about the love, it's about the toxicity.
Load More Replies... You May Like 50 Best Romance Movies To Feel The Butterflies Again 50 Underrated Movies Revealed for Your Cinematic Nights 100 Sad Romantic Dramas That Will Make You Cry Your Heart Out
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