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“Convinced She Was Pregnant”: 49 Times Doctors Had To Correct Patients Who Tried To Self-Diagnose
We’ve all been there. You start feeling off, so you decide to Google your symptoms. Suddenly, WebMD has you convinced that you’ve got two months left to live or a rare disease that you hadn’t even heard of until five minutes ago. You start spiraling and book a doctor's appointment, preparing for the worst. But when you finally get in, the doctor assures you that there’s nothing to worry about, and a quick round of antibiotics will have you back to normal in no time.
No matter how well you think you know your body, if you haven’t gone to medical school, a doctor probably has a better idea of what’s going on in there than you do. But that doesn’t stop people from self-diagnosing, which sometimes leads to hilarious situations for medical professionals. Doctors have been sharing the most bizarre diagnoses patients have attempted to give themselves, so we’ve gathered their best stories below. Enjoy scrolling through, and be sure to upvote the ones that convince you to stop searching for your symptoms online!
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#1
My wife is a veterinary nurse. Someone brought their dog in because of small growths in two lines along the dog's belly. The dog was diagnosed with nipples.
Eugenia 🇮🇹🤌 2 hours ago (edited)
This happened to my vet. He was called at 2am by a distraught lady who had suddenly found growths on her dog belly, that night, coming home after a family party (no drinking involved). The vet opened his office still wearing his pj and the diagnosis was nipples. Impossible, said the woman, he's male. The vet asked her whether her husband had nipples and she was shocked. He asked for just 50 euro for the visit and she said it was too expensive... At 2 am...
sturmwesen 7 hours ago (edited)
I had Lou checked for 3 growths and if they are cancer. 2 need to be monitored as expected. I was nearly sure the third one was no cancer, but it felt weird to me so I had them check.it was back muscles... dude is jacked. 🫠
RELATED:
#2
Oh can I get on this one. So my mom before she died, her desent to death was a quick one. 15 months.
March 2012, she says shes getting difficulty moving joints on her right hand and elbow. Goes to dr, says its fatty tumors sends her home. She starts tripping on the floor, always to her right to start. She is saying shes getting weaker. Drs do tests. MRI's, blood work for endocrine disorders, neuro diseases, everything coming up clear. I look at all the data, I scoure the internet, she has no history: ALS. I tell her neurologist, he says I am wrong, it can't be ALS. Why not? no good answer. Time goes on, 4 months now, shes having trouble talking, starts writing everything. 9 months I buy her an iPad because she cant write clearly. 8 months she can't stop drooling on herself, eating becomes difficult. 10 months shes wheelchair bound. Neurologist accuses her of faking it. 14 months she cant swallow. 15 months dead. Dr's at the ICU asked me when she was dying from pneumonia, how long has she had ALS. "Her Neurologist said it wasn't ALS, accused her of faking it. Scoffed when I suggested it to him"
I admit ALS is an outrageous diagnosis, but it was the only thing that fit. But if a patient or family says "what about X thing" don't scoff at them when they ask why not.
Dusty's mom 31 minutes ago
My sympathies to you. So frustrating to deal with the medical "professionals," and now you lost your mother! ♥
moggiemoo 1 hour ago
Long enough for the neurologist to get the diagnosis right, hope he struck off or, better still, jailed.
Load More Replies... #3
My mom took my sister and me to the doctor when we were kids because we had weird bumps all over the back of our tongues. We were diagnosed with tastebuds.
Michael Largey 2 hours ago
"Our mess sergeant's taste buds got shot off in the war." - Tom Lehrer
#4
Kinda opposite to what everyone is saying, but once saw a guy with a foot that looked like death (probably untreated diabetic). He only went to the ER because his sons dragged him. He literally had his foot inside a plastic bad (bag was tied around his ankle) because of the smell. He insisted he was fine and to be let go.
The amount of horribly sick patients that think they're "just fine" is too high!
Stephanie Did It 9 hours ago (edited)
There's a YouTube video of a woman who came to the doctor with a boot-type cast on her foot. It had been there for TWO YEARS because she just never bothered to have it removed. They cut the thing off and what was inside looked like a big lump of dead fish. One can only imagine how it smelled.
Crystalwitch60 7 hours ago
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮omg two yrs in a plaster cast , how had she kept clean etc , most of us can’t wait for the bloody things to come off , ( I didn’t have a cast when I broke my leg cos I had a rod pins n screws , ) but anyone I’ve known complains how much they itch like hell ,how does one endure that for like two yrs 😱😱
Load More Replies... #5
Not a doctor, but work in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit. One night we were called to Labor and delivery for a preterm delivery. NotAMom called 911 because her stomach hurt alot and she thought she was dying. At the hospital ER it was confirmed she was pregnant and in labor. The whole time we were there she kept saying she was dying and why wouldn't we help her. OB key telling her she was in labor and to push each time she felt pain. She kept yelling "It's just gas! I've had gas for a while, but it won't come out because I'm dying!" Fast-forward to baby coming out. OB hands the baby to the nurse who then shows NotAMom her baby. NotAMom says "That's not mine! I have gas!" Nurse places the baby on her chest and says "Well, here's your gas. It's a boy!"
Crystalwitch60 7 hours ago
Nothing quite like deluded n refusing to acknowledge she was pregnant is there poor baby ,
whodunnitfan2013 2 hours ago (edited)
The nurse had no business putting an unwanted baby on her chest. The patient doesn't have to keep the baby.
Michael Largey 9 minutes ago
She should obviously name the child Jumpin' Jack Flash.
Load More Replies... #6
Dentist here - I had a patient come into my office, absolutely certain he only had gingivitis and needed a normal cleaning. All because he had googled his symptoms and believed he could get a normal clean and go back home and do oil pulling after, which would somehow miraculously heal his gums. Would not allow me to take xrays or deep clean his teeth, which he needed because plaque was formed well below his gums. He even told me his gums were bleeding from just smiling, moving his mouth etc. He insisted on just a regular clean and then accused me of trying to make money off him when I basically put my foot down and said I wouldn't be working on his mouth unless he allowed me to do my job properly. I was glad when he decided to walk out and never come back!
Chich the witch 1 hour ago
Had a friend who was a dental assistant. She told me of a guy who came in because his tooth broke. It was tartar, thick enough that he thought it was a chunk of his tooth.
#7
Physiotherapist here. I had someone come into the clinic and ask to buy exercise bands to do rehab for his shoulder, but didn't want to come in for an assessment first because he already knew what was wrong. When I asked him, he told me that he "tore his labia." I didn't correct him. (He meant labrum).
#8
ER doctor here. I had a patient insist she had a fever once and when I pointed out that our thermometer did not record a fever she told me "I'm not sure they taught you this in medical school but when Asians get a fever their temperature doesn't go up."
Yup, I missed that lecture.
Stephanie Did It 9 hours ago
A sweet lady living in very rural northern Florida once told me that alcohol rub downs were good to bring down a fever. But don't ever rub the alcohol UP or you'll make the fever higher! Bless her heart.
Child of the Stars 9 hours ago (edited)
I wonder if this is just where the colloquial use of a term doesn't quite mesh with the medical or scientific definition. For example, our school district defines a body temperature of 100°F as a fever and the student is required to be sent home. But our pediatrician told us that they define a fever as 101°F or higher as a fever, and anything between that and average is just an elevated body temp, which might be the result of an infection but might also be the result of increased physical activity or anxiety or just a fluxuation in hormones.
Unicorn 6 hours ago
37.8° and 38.3° respectively; fluctuation. Fever is the body's way of fighting infection.
Load More Replies... #9
Someone had booked an emergency appointment to have a mole inspected because "it had shown up overnight and was cancer". About five seconds into the exam, I wipe the "mole" off using my finger.
It was chocolate melted onto her skin.
LucyAnn 1 hour ago
When I was caring for my mother full time I panicked when I was rubbing her feet and felt a raised dry blister / scab on her heel. I was feeling it for a while trying to figure it out, and watching her face to see she was showing any sign of pain. I was really starting to worry about what this new issue might be. I finally lifted her foot up to look .... it was a jumbo oat.
#10
Guy comes into my old ER one day with a nail in his hand from an accidental discharge of a nail gun. Nurse is checking him in and asked him to rate his pain on a scale of 1-10. He replies that it's only about a 3. We all look at him like he's nuts because our pain is at a 5 and we're just looking at him bleeding. (Plus, this is a charity hospital where 99% of the patients are sitting in bed, casually texting or chatting on the phone, but still rate their pains as 10/10. You get the picture.) So, the triage nurse rolls her eyes and asks him how it could only be a "3."
He responds by saying that one morning he was cooking his girlfriend breakfast. They were especially hungry that day because they had just been a bit "frisky" when they woke up. Since they had just finished, he wasn't wearing any pants. Well, he says that when he bumped the pan and the hot bacon grease spilled onto his testicles, that was certainly a 10/10. So, to him, a nail in the hand only rated a 3/10.
Calane E. Vanya 1 hour ago
oh, I would rather not be an expert in terms of pain
Load More Replies... Eugenia 🇮🇹🤌 2 hours ago (edited)
When checking for breast cancer (it was cancer) I had a needle sticked into my areola to draw a sample from the lump. That's my reference now. (I begged for a local anesthetic but the doctor told be that it would mean stick a needle there to inject it, so...)
LakotaWolf (she/her) 7 minutes ago
I didn't really know, but apparently I have a very high pain tolerance. When I was having my IUD inserted, the OBGYN stopped a number of times to ask if I was okay. I always said "Yep, just fine!" At one point she paused and said "You're not even flinching, you sure you're okay?" and I responded "Yes, SHOULD I be flinching?" Apparently having that particular brand of IUD inserted is very painful XD I could feel the pain, and yes, it did hurt, but it didn't bother me that much. Then only time I've truly felt a 9- or 10-level pain was when my congenital hip dysplasia decided to alert me to its existence XD And then the orthopedist didn't believe me XD (Probably because a lot of people just say "omg my pain is a 10!!!" when it isn't.)
Mel in Georgia 2 hours ago
It's really hard to answer the pain scale question unless you have good instructions as to what the numbers mean. My MiL told the doctor her pain was an 8, and I said if it was that high she would have trouble walking! She said, "Oh, so maybe 4?" She had no clue.
#11
I work in physical therapy, and once had a guy with dementia say "I know I'm in pain...but I just can't remember where". I felt bad for laughing about it later but I had never heard something like that.
#12
Paramedic here, technically not a doctor but here goes. Walked in the door to a young male with chest pain. As I walked up to him and introduced myself, he said "I have pericarditis". I felt like telling him, "umm not sure how you would know if you did, but we'll run some tests and see what we have." Put an ecg on, took him to the hospital for more tests. We found out the final diagnosis by the hospital staff was, surprise surprise, pericarditis. So there you have it, the patient was right. I still have absolutely no idea how this kid knew that.
Eugenia 🇮🇹🤌 2 hours ago (edited)
Found a lump in my breast and was sure it was cancer. 2 mammograms and an ultrasound later that found fat nodules and don't worry, and after several months of being told it's not cancer, I decided to see a specialist. It was cancer indeed, and he could not believe that it hadn't diagnosed before because the images clearly showed what it was. Mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy, but I'm now cancer-free, or I hope so. Please remember: the radiologists who look at images and write conclusions cannot be specialists in every medical branch. Always show the exams results to the specific doctor.
#13
Vet student here. I've had some dude with a super aggressive dog diagnose the poor thing with "neural instability" (causing his aggression) from an online consultation with a homeopathic shaman. He then came into the clinic with instructions from the shaman that he wanted the vet to carry out (including rubbing the dog all over with a $200 "healing stone"), despite the fact that the vet had obviously the more reasonable explanation.
He didn't want to believe leaving a dog in the backyard without much human/animal interaction for most of its life could cause aggression. Go figure.
Mike F 18 minutes ago
Why would anyone get a dog to just exile it to a yard with the only interaction being feeding it? My brother got a retired guard dog once. Till this day that was the meanest dog I have ever encountered. It tolerated my brother, that was all, just tolerated. There was no way for anyone to get close to that dog, he was MEAN. I felt terrible for it because it had been programmed to be vicious and because of that you couldn't get near it.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 minutes ago
My dogs like to go out to PLAY in the yard, and I will sometimes let them play in the backyard unsupervised for a few hours, but they are my family members and they *live* inside the house with me and my minor horde of cats XD I cannot imagine getting a dog or cat and not interacting with it. But my mother is like that - she sort of sees animals as accessories. She's constantly saying she would "love" to have a "guard dog" like Fenring (he is not a guard dog, lol, he's a cupcake potato) but I know that in her mind, she just wants this fantasy vision of an ever-alert vicious attack dog circling the yard, keeping her "safe". I can't mentally connect myself with that.
Load More Replies... Mel in Georgia 2 hours ago
I once worked in a veterinary office and a guy came in asking for tranquilizers for his chained dog because it was too aggressive to bring in for euthanasia. We gave them to him and later he dragged in this growling, d*****d out large dog. When we to the dog in back, it started waking up and attacking us. We ended up using a trash can lid to fend it off and climbing on top of the counters to get away from it. It was terrifying. The doc managed to inject a sedative, eventually knocking the dog out and we were able to end its misery. Chaining and neglecting a dog is absolutely criminal.
#14
Seizures from a parasite. He was actually psychotic and was self-treating what he thought was a parasite infestation by drinking household cleaning agents. When he started seizing afterwards, this reconfirmed his parasite diagnosis in his mind, so he drank more.
#15
I'm not a doctor, but I've been the crazy patient. Earlier this year I had a conversion disorder, which, for those who don't know, is when a person "develops" a disease and presents symptoms, but the whole thing is actually taking place in their heads and they're fine. Within several weeks, I systematically lost my ability to walk and was terrified. I saw a series of doctors, and they theorized everything from MS to ALS, so I was pretty sure I was dying. I ended up in a hospital, but by this time I was starting to doubt myself. My reflexes, MRI, and other tests had all come back normal, and I could do things like jump, but not walk. Finally, my first night in the hospital, I spent several hours convincing myself that I was making it all up and that my family and loved ones would forgive me if I just made it all go away, and that it would be okay. So, I got up to go to the bathroom...and was fine. This experience still haunts me as the single most embarrassing and humiliating thing that I have ever done, even though I thought that it was real. Even though it was months and months ago, I feel terribly on a daily basis for scaring my family and friends, and for wasting so many doctors' time. I'm glad that I discharged myself from the hospital before they had the opportunity to run anymore tests.
**Tl;DR: Not a doctor, but once wasted countless doctors' time and resources after inexplicably convincing myself that I was losing the ability to walk.**
Child of the Stars 9 hours ago
That's not a waste of time because it could be a symptom of something more serious like anxiety or OCD.
Crystalwitch60 7 hours ago
And extreme stress , n the likes very real isn’t it x
Load More Replies... Lady Eowyn 5 hours ago
There's nothing to be embarrassed about. The human brain is a very complex organism, and it can convince the body of all sorts of things.
Crystalwitch60 7 hours ago
That can be caused by extreme stress overload , it is a real thing , and op did the right thing , it’s no embarrassing either way, it does happen ,
Detroit Citizen 4 hours ago (edited)
Idk if this is conversion like OP said, but i had a pain, a pain that hurt no matter what i did or how i rested, in my lower left quadrant of my abdomen. After about 10 days of this pain, which induced a low grade temp i went to ER. They did blood, urine, and a cat scan. All clear. 4 days later (been off work w dr note) back to er i go. Same pains. Got lucky and saw the same er dr. So now i tell him its radiating down to my left testicle. We think testicular cancer but bloodwork came back fine both times. So off to an ultrasound. Yup, that came back clear also. Off of work for another 5 days on a dr note. Go back to work, the pain was so bad i couldnt stand. Called off the next day in pain. Getting ready to head back to er. Boss texts me that im not really a good fit (was new at job, the dr notes, absences were too much, i get that,i do) and let me go. Within a couple hours i felt right as rain. My therapist agreed with me when i figured it was a psychosomatic response to a job i hated
Mel in Georgia 2 hours ago
That is so weird! In a way, your body was protecting you. Glad you're ok!
Load More Replies... #16
Pharmacist here. I've had more than one patient run to me screaming that they looked up their rash on WebMd and must have Stevens-Johnson syndrome.
Actual diagnosis: contact dermatitis from laundry soap.
Edit: if you begin taking any medication (especially lamotrigine, Bactrim, or carbamazepine) and develop a rash, then yes you should call your doctor immediately.
Mel in Georgia 2 hours ago
Googled it: Stevens-Johnson Syndrome (SJS) is a rare but serious skin condition often triggered by medications, characterized by painful blisters and lesions on the skin and mucous membranes.
#17
Posted earlier things my patients as a paramedic told me, but this one is mine, albeit in reverse. Finally went to urgent care one night after several days of severe abdominal pain. Doctor insisted that it was appendicitis, despite my insistence that I do not, in fact, HAVE an appendix. He was thoroughly confused when he couldn't find the appendix with the ultrasound. Cue looking for my gallbladder, thinking gallstones. Swing and a miss. I'm missing my appendix because they took it out along with my gallbladder at 5 y/o due to gallstones.
UnclePanda 7 hours ago
I saw a slide in anatomy and physiology class that showed an appendix neatly tucked between the spleen and the rib cage. It was on a long spindly stalk originating from the usual location. The purpose of the slide was to remind us that we cannot make diagnosis based on taking a single A&P course.
#18
Psychotic patient tried to convince me he had "Kittens playing inside (his) chest".
Not so much. The atrial fibrillation and palpitations were real, though.
Michael Largey 2 hours ago
I found out I had a-fib during an annual physical. My doctor put her stethoscope to my heart and suddenly yelled loudly "Uh-oh!" I later advised her that her bedside manner needed a little work.
#19
ER and family practice mid-level here. Had someone come in one day saying they had wires and fibers under their skin, including a little ziplock bag of (you guessed it) wires and fibers that they had pulled out, he said with a needle. Now, this is Morgellon's, a well known psychological entity, but to see it so blatantly like you read about in the text books just blew me away. He actually believed it. Very unsettling.
UnclePanda 7 hours ago (edited)
As an orderly in a mental ward, I had a schizophrenic patient truly freaking out over seeing snakes in her room. I quickly realized that if there are only two people in a room, and one of them is seeing snakes, logical arguments don't work, so I went and got the official Snake KIIIIng Broom (tm) and together, we cleared them all out (whump! whump! whump!). She went to breakfast pretty happy that day.
UnclePanda 7 hours ago (edited)
The philosophical conundrum was that I only really had my opinion that there were no snakes. What if she was right and I was the one misperceiving? Then I'd be the asphole.
Load More Replies... #20
(not a Dr.) but I was in the ER in college in New York City for some crazy stress (I think I was over caffeinated and had not slept in 2 days from studying) but anyway, I ended up just being dehydrated and they gave me an IV and let me hang out there for a while. In the background I kept hearing this guy yelling "I'M GONNA FAINT! I'M GONNA FAINT!" And it seems pretty legit, so I was getting worried. Finally, He yells it out one more time, and a doctor walks by and says, "Mister - you're in a hospital bed, so if you faint, I think you'll be OK.".
Michael Largey 2 hours ago
If I was surrounded by medical personnel and was about to be overwhelmed by something to the point of unconsciousness, I think I'd try to alert them to that fact. They might consider it information relevant to my treatment, not just a springboard for a one-liner.
#21
My elderly friend is the queen of self diagnosis. She tells the doctors her prognosis and rarely follows through with their treatment for her actual issues. My personal favorite is that she produces too much electricity. Because of this she has issues with anything electrical. Namely computers, cash registers, pin pads, and my personal favorite, gas pumps. She is afraid she will blow up the pump so I fill her tank for her. In reality she is confused by technology and never wears her glasses. She was recently put on Vitamin D pills because she rarely goes outside. Her house is basically a black box inside. I'm afraid to find her wrapped in foil one day.
#22
Had a patient come in once due to weight gain that she thought was due to being pregnant. Made sense, except she'd taken more than half a dozen pregnancy tests and they were all negative. She was convinced she was pregnant though, and wanted me to check. I tell her ok, I'll do a blood test, since we can detect pregnancy earlier with that, and she refuses. Says that she just wants to pee on the stick in front of me and have me read it. So I say sure, and lo and behold, it's negative.
Little more questioning, and it turns out she'd been eating literally nothing but chicken wings for weeks. When I asked her why in the world she would do that, she replied that she just really liked chicken wings.
Jeff Hunt 1 hour ago
I’m guessing that there were several McNuggets coming out.
Load More Replies...
#23
Not a doc, but pediatric therapist. It's astounding the number of families I've worked with that believe their autistic child has been diagnosed "artistic".
#24
Not a doctor, but once I self-diagnosed myself with cancer.
Everyday. For like a year.
With WebMD.
Because my throat hurt.
I'm currently in remission, thanks.
#25
My best friend had weird symptoms for awhile and became obsessed with googling and researching the possible causes. She was convinced that she had Multiple Sclerosis. She woke up one morning and the lower half of her right side was numb. She went to an emergency care and asked for an MRI. The doctor there believed she had sciatica pain and refused. Weeks went by and she went to another urgent care and was final referred for an MRI. Turns out she had very advanced MS, now is partially paralyzed.
#26
I'm trying to see if my doctor is in here. Last week I was thoroughly convinced I had cancer in my neck and shoulder because I felt two hard masses.
I just knew it had to be cancer. Doc looks at it and then slings me up and said 'the damage has been done. You just need to let it heal.' and I was of course confused. I had apparently damaged my muscle and it had formed two pinto beans sized knots.
He was right though... Knots are starting to go away.
Dr Rob of you're in here, I admit it, you were right and I was wrong.
Mel in Georgia 2 hours ago
An older friend had just started working out with a trainer. One day she looks down and notices a large, hard lump on her abdomen. She starts to panic that it was a tumor, then realizes that for the first time in her life she has firm abdominal muscles! All that ab work paid off!
#27
Patient told me she knew it wasn't a heart attack this time. It felt different than the last 19 times she came to the ER (which weren't heart attacks). She was half right. It wasn't the same as the other times. She died :-(
Heart attack. Refused transport to a cardiac center.
#28
A previously healthy, young, working professional, woman in her early 30's came to the ER saying she had a cold that's just been lingering and she couldn't get over. Said she needed some antibiotics. She was actually admitted to the hospital and just kept getting worse and worse - pneumonia to respiratory failure needing intubation/ventilator to ARDS to septic shock and multiorgan failure. Every possible test and study done. Running out of answers, someone decided to order an HIV test. Turns out she had full-blown AIDS and a CD4 count that was practically 0. Unfortunately did not survive.
Mel in Georgia 2 hours ago
Aw, that's tragic. Wonder if she had relations with someone who didn't disclose they were a carrier. If that's the case, that, IMO, would be mur der.
#29
"I popped a pimple on his side and chicken bones fell out." Obese, uneducated lady with her small dog featuring a gnarly granulated abscess on the side of his lower abdomen.
The kicker? She wasn't lying.
Hernia present that allowed chicken bones to perforate through small intestine directly into subcutaneous space.
#30
I am not a doctor. I once had a middle school band student who had to miss a rehearsal because she had bruises all over her legs. The doctors diagnosis? Unwashed blue jeans.
#31
I was the patient in this scenario.
I had an infected toe from an ingrown tornail, having one before (other toe) my doctor gave me antibiotics and it cleaned it up within a week. So the second time I went in, my doctor was on vacation and the nurse practitioner was out on maternity leave, so they set me up with someone else in the practice.
So i show her my toe and explain 1 perscription of antibiotics cleared it up last time and thats all i needed. She just gave me an expression that looked like "who the f**k do you think you are" and said id need surgery, so she gave me a referral to get surgery done on the toe and told me to go set it up with the receptionist. So i went and told her to set me up with an appointment with my doctor when she got back. She got back. Antibiotics and that was that.
Always get a 2nd opinion regarding surgeries.
Lukas (he/him, it/its) 9 hours ago
I think this person is overreacting. I had a toenail that was ingrown on both sides and had to get "surgery" to get them removed, the worst part of it was the shots to numb my toe, and it prevents them from reoccurring (for a while, anyways. Or maybe mine just grew back weird.)
highwaycrossingfrog 7 hours ago
Why have you put "surgery" in inverted commas?
Load More Replies...
#32
Dentist here - 27 year old patient comes in with mother. Mother is on disability. Patient has large amounts of decay on every single tooth in his mouth. Kid absolutely will not even listen to having his teeth pulled and dentures placed (public health office so most are uninsured/low financial status). Really should have most if not all of them pulled. Agreed to do a mock-up treatment plan which came out to roughly $4500 (that's with the sliding fee discount of (50% for the lowest financial level). They agree to pay, mom plunks $800 cash down for root canal to start off. I ask what happened for his teeth to get that bad. Stupidest answer I've had yet: "A dentist before told me to mix dollar store mouthwash with peroxide and rinse with it. It absolutely wrecked my teeth afterwards." Mother agrees and swears that same thing happened to her husband. Older brother is getting all of his pulled.
#33
My sister keeps diagnosing me with endometriosis and polycystic ovaries and another one I can't remember. She gets furious with me for not going to the doctor because i "Don't care about my health" and im sticking my head in the sand etc etc. My only symptom is irregular periods and normal cramps/fatigue while on my period.
But apparently cramps aren't normal and neither is wanting to eat chocolate and take a nap. It's gotten to the point where I literally cannot say a single word about my health in any way shape or form without her jumping on my a*s. And no she's not a doctor. She does have endo and pcos which apparently qualifies her to diagnose me.
#34
At the psych hospital , we had a difficult patient - violent, making wild accusations, completely psychotic. During treatment team meeting at the psych hospital, when we were working out her treatment plan, she suddenly started screaming that she'd gone blind, that she couldn't see, and if we cared anything about her we'd help her.
This time, she had a point, though. The lens of her eyeglasses had fallen out and landed in the breast pocket of her shirt.
Brian Droste 4 minutes ago
I wear glasses. If I take them off, I still can see but ever is just blurry.
Load More Replies... #35
Not a doctor, but had a patient say her anti-malaria pills gave her typhoid fever.
Eugenia 🇮🇹🤌 1 hour ago
Well, infecting people with malaria has been an effective treatment for syphilis in the XVIII century, because of the high fever that destroyed the germs, then they cured them with quinine. So why not?...
#36
Not a doctor but a lady I nursed had an ascites (accumulation of fluid on the abdomen that gives it a hard swollen look) and she convinced all the ladies in her ward bay that she was pregnant. She would walk round rubbing her 'bump'.
#37
Not a doctor, but I went to the ER, post DVT, with symptoms of a pulmonary embolism. I had chest pains, could not catch my breath, and I passed out in the waiting room. Even though I had oxygen sats below 80%, and was clearly struggling for air, the ER doctor actually patted my hand and told me I must be stressed and tried to discharge me. I told him I refused to leave, and he needed to check with my PCP before he did anything else. I ended up staying in the hospital for four days, and eventually they found a small clot in my lungs. I still couldn't walk very far without stopping by the time they discharged me.
#38
Not my patient but my dad's. In the early 70's, a guy walks in claiming that he has colon cancer, and is really worried. he had a history of coming in repeatedly to the clinic for various ailments. Dad checked him out and saw no problems. Sent him back with a scheduled review. The patient still had the same worries and stuck with his claim that he had colon cancer. Dad told hi: if you want I'll give you in writing that you don't have this (can you imagine that today :P) and if you do, I'll take care of you. The patient stopped coming to the clinic with the complaint, but he and dad became really good friends. 40 yrs later he is still a hypochondriac, and dad still reassures him.
#39
I had a woman once that was convinced that someone was trying to steal her Klonopin, so she ate all 45 of them. We try to get her to drink AC so that we hopefully don't have to lavage them out. She fought us over that because now we were the ones who were trying to steal them from her. That was on an ER rotation in paramedic school.
Another was the woman who SWORE she was having a heart attack, despite not having any symptoms at all. We did the EKG and full work up, which unsurprisingly came out completely normal. She insisted so we transported her anyways. ER apparently ran all their tests and discharged her when they were clear. Three hours later, guess who calls. She's still convinced she's having an MI, an wants to be transported to another hospital. She was politely told to go away. Found out later that she calls once a week or so.
Unrelated but funny was the old man who called us out because he couldn't find the TV remote, and his son was asleep.
Learner Panda 5 hours ago
clonazepam - anti seizure d**g. AC - air conditioning? No, activated charcoal. lol
#40
(Not a doctor) Once had a patient come in who was *convinced* he had colon cancer. He was just constipated.
Had an overweight young woman come in saying that she was pregnant and the baby's foot was protruding out of her v****a. We get her back quickly, start a set of vitals... and she is terribly calm about the whole thing. Ended up she was not pregnant at all.. just crazy.
An older gentleman came in complaining of headaches. During his history, he became agitated and kept insisting that the government had been experimenting on him by dusting his house, food, water, etc. with anthrax. He was quite certain that there was anthrax in his brain because he could "see it in the back of his throat." Turns out he just had an upper respiratory infection. So... same thing I guess.
#41
As a resident I had one patient wait in the ER waiting room for 8 hours for painful lips. Diagnosis: chapped lips. Prescribed chap stick.
Another patient waited the same amount of time in the ED waiting room at the county hell hole hospital. The reason: mosquito bite. One stupid mosquito bite. He said he was a hemophiliac and was afraid he would bleed to death.
#42
My dad is a physician, and he's got a lot of great stories! This is from memory, if anyone is interested I can ask my dad about a few more stories, but my favorite is when a little old lady who didn't speak English came into the clinic with a live chicken. She claimed the chicken had the spirit of her dead husband in it, and it was giving her nightmares. She told the check-in desk she wanted to talk to the doctor about what to do. So my dad, the only guy who spoke Spanish at the moment in the clinic, listens to her and doesn't quite know what to do. He asks the lady if she has tried getting rid of the chicken, the lady says no she doesn't want to get rid of the chicken, she wants to keep it alive it's a pet. She tells my dad she wants the doctor to cleanse the chicken of her husbands spirit so he can rest in peace and so she can stop having nightmares. My dad tells her he doesn't think he has anything to fix that particular problem, and asked if she'd tried anything already. (At the time he is working on a reservation in the southwest, and traditional healing practices tend to take place along side modern medicine) she says yes but it didn't work, that's why she went to the clinic. She said thank you and left with her chicken.
TLDR: women comes into clinic with a chicken.
#43
Not a doctor, was the patient. A few years ago, during the summer, I started to get really sick. Fever, itchy/sore throat, cough with mucus. Went to urgent care after my throat began to swell. The doctors tested for strep, test was negative. They insisted it was mono. Tested for mono, test was negative, yet they kept insisting it was mono. Doctors gave me steroids and sent me home. Over the next two weeks the symptoms became worse. At this point, the pain of swelling was so bad, all I did was sleep and drink water/chicken broth...barely. My throat was so swollen I couldn't swallow anything solid. One morning I get up and my throat is completely swollen to the point I can't even. Swallow my own saliva. I have a panic attack, and call urgent care. They tell me time come in right away. I go back and the doctor doesn't even look at my throat, insists it's mono. So, my bf (ex) freaks out and demands she look. She does finally and gets really nervous. Tells me to go to the ER immediately and they would be waiting for my arrival. Turns out I my tonsils are abscess, about to burst, and I have tonsillitis.
#44
Patient here. I was around 7-8 years old when this happened and I went in with joint pain, neck stiffness, a tick bite resembling a bull's eye and probably some other stuff (this was a while ago). Doctors run a bunch of tests and they all come back negative for any reasonable afflictions so they all say it will pass. Weeks go by and we keep visiting different doctors. My parents look into it as my symptoms get worse and come up with Lyme disease which fit all the symptoms. No doctor could be convinced to test for Lyme disease since this is California and there's no way someone could have Lyme disease in California (despite telling the doctors we had been out of state in places where deer ticks are common). After a couple of months my symptoms have started to include chest pain and issues bending my knees and elbows so a doctor finally decided to test for it and surprise, I had Lyme disease. And it was fairly advanced since it took so long to diagnose. Then came the weekly blood tests where they would take multiple vials of blood. It's been a decade and I'm still having huge issues getting blood drawn. Oh and I'm also still suffering from chest pain that most likely stems from Lyme disease...
Tl;Dr: I was a kid who was bit by a tick and I caught Lyme disease. But I live in California and Lyme disease is impossible to get in California so it took months to diagnose and likely still affects me due to it advancing pretty far.
Stephanie Did It 8 hours ago
So it's impossible for a deer tick to hitchhike to California on an animal or person? Oh come on.
#45
I live in coal country. Heard this story from a friend. Younger comes in thinking he has black lung. They do all the usual tests. Everything is totally normal. They ask him how long he worked on the mines. He said "Just one day." Needless to say he did not have black lung.
#46
Well, I'm not a doctor but I am an EMT. I stepped into a house in the projects to hear, "GYAT DAMMIT IM HAVIN A HAAT ATTACK! I KNOW WHAT A HAAT ATTACK FEELS LIKE LORRAINE!!!" There was a lot of feces and urine involved, but no cardiac issues.
Edit: This was actually a dialogue between two obese black women in NJ. The one screaming was calling the other one baby from time to time so lesbians? I don't know. She demanded that the paramedics come so I kind of just waited in that cesspool of a bedroom discretely watching the Nat Geo special on water bison that was playing on her giant TV.
UnclePanda 7 hours ago (edited)
I learned how to make "GYAT DAMMIT!" ring off the walls from a mental patient. Thanks Art! I've used it many times.
#47
Doctor here.
One story that sticks out is a woman who was convinced that she had Helicobacter pylori (bacteria that causes stomach ulcers in some) and had to be tested. I reviewed her chart and it showed multiple negative tests over the years and even a biopsy sample from an upper GI scope that was negative. Her treatment for this "infection" was to eat dirt. Literally dirt from the Internet advertised to cure stomach issues. There was no convincing her that this wasn't a thing.
This is a tame one, but the others are too specific to tell without the possibility of revealing the patient's identity.
#48
My boyfriend is a doctor. His patient came in claiming he has testosterone deficiency with the only symptom being headache. A freaking headache.
#49
Spend 5 minutes on WebMD searching your symptom and conclude you have cancer with 3 weeks to live ~ hypochondriacs everywhere.
UnclePanda 7 hours ago
Officemate Chris suffered through a week of prostate cancer symptoms before I turned and said, "You can't have prostate cancer, you don't have one."
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HelyerT 8 hours ago
My hamster Mental his cage was by the radiator as it was cold so he’s out lying in the straw chilling and I see a grey lump it was like a huge pea. Panicked I go to the vets please help I think he has cancer. Nope it was his ding dong lol lady hamsters would be very pleased with him. Vet didn’t charge for the appointment either.
UnclePanda 7 hours ago (edited)
I bet the vet is still telling this story too. 😊
Load More Replies... LadySilk 9 hours ago
I remember going to see a doctor once and telling them I suspected I had a hernia. They asked why i thought that, I outlined the specific symptoms leading me in that direction. The doctor hmm-ed and nodded a bit then turned to their computer (positioned so I could see the screen just as clearly as they could) and did a google search for ‘hernia’. Did not inspire confidence, let me tell you…. I was ultimately able to convince them to refer me for the necessary scans to confirm that yes, I did indeed have a hernia. But it is a bit concerning how often some docs just flat out ignore their patients concerns or suspicions.
UnclePanda 7 hours ago
I come from a family of enthusiastic hypochondriacs and I am so not, to the degree that I stumped around on a broken leg for 10 days convinced it was just a sprain. When I finally took it in, the doctor and the technician both laughed and said, "You silly tough guys all come in eventually." Then the doc flipped on the x-ray, they both stopped laughing, and their heads pivoted to me like owls with twin, concerned expressions of, "Can you possibly be that 'cking stupid?" Apparently. I was in surgery two days later.
HelyerT 8 hours ago
My hamster Mental his cage was by the radiator as it was cold so he’s out lying in the straw chilling and I see a grey lump it was like a huge pea. Panicked I go to the vets please help I think he has cancer. Nope it was his ding dong lol lady hamsters would be very pleased with him. Vet didn’t charge for the appointment either.
UnclePanda 7 hours ago (edited)
I bet the vet is still telling this story too. 😊
Load More Replies... LadySilk 9 hours ago
I remember going to see a doctor once and telling them I suspected I had a hernia. They asked why i thought that, I outlined the specific symptoms leading me in that direction. The doctor hmm-ed and nodded a bit then turned to their computer (positioned so I could see the screen just as clearly as they could) and did a google search for ‘hernia’. Did not inspire confidence, let me tell you…. I was ultimately able to convince them to refer me for the necessary scans to confirm that yes, I did indeed have a hernia. But it is a bit concerning how often some docs just flat out ignore their patients concerns or suspicions.
UnclePanda 7 hours ago
I come from a family of enthusiastic hypochondriacs and I am so not, to the degree that I stumped around on a broken leg for 10 days convinced it was just a sprain. When I finally took it in, the doctor and the technician both laughed and said, "You silly tough guys all come in eventually." Then the doc flipped on the x-ray, they both stopped laughing, and their heads pivoted to me like owls with twin, concerned expressions of, "Can you possibly be that 'cking stupid?" Apparently. I was in surgery two days later.
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