Being a mom is no easy task. They have to fight the unpredictable tantrums of their kids, keep the whole house afloat, and stay sane while doing all this. You could say, then, being a mother is not that different from being a superhero. But even beloved superheroes sometimes get sloppy and take shortcuts, hoping that their latex-laden contemporaries won't take notice.
Keeping this to themselves, however, can be one of the most nerve-racking things. Superheroes do it because they don't want to put their loved ones in harm's way. Mothers, meanwhile, do it because they feel like they might be judged by other childbearers. "Can everyone share their mom secrets, so that I don’t feel so bad about myself?" pleads u/brookeaat in her Breaking Mom subreddit's post. From bribing kids with extra screen time to co-sleeping with them, there's nothing better than spilling some tea without feeling like you've committed a crime.
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The only battles worth fighting small children over are safety related ones. You want to roll in the mud and eat nothing but doritos for 3 weeks? Go for it. You're going to wear disney princess heels, a swimsuit, a tutu, and a ski hat to the grocery store? Rock on little one. I've been raising kids for 18 years, all different ages and personalities. It just isn't worth the energy to battle them if it's not actually affecting their safety or the safety of others around them.
In the grand tapestry that is human experience, few roles can rival the complex and demanding nature of motherhood. The journey of becoming a mother encompasses a multitude of challenges that intertwine with the joys, excruciating pain (during birth and later in life when your kid discovers slapping) and selfless sacrifices that ultimately forge an unbreakable bond between a parent and their bundle of joy.
It is no surprise, then, that being a stay-at-home mom is widely regarded as one of the most strenuous jobs in the world, often likened to the equivalent of 2.5 full-time jobs, as highlighted in a 2018 study conducted by Welch's.
Sometimes I just seriously want everyone in my house to leave me the f**k alone.
As with every job and routine, then, it's appropriate that sometimes even the best moms take shortcuts to save some time and sanity. "I don't care what my child eats," one mother in the post admitted. "I mean, I care. I try. But it's so draining for me to fight him about food."
Many of them echoed their own stories of bribing kids with screen time and junk food - things that are (technically) considered a no-no when you're responsible for growing a perfectly healthy human being. Indeed, when it comes to discussing parenting strategies with fellow moms, adhering to societal norms can be met with criticism.
I truly hate playing with my kid. I do not want to play Barbies, dolls, or ponies. I can do crafts, coloring, puzzles, dancing. But I hate imaginative play.
I'm with you. And I hate listening to my kids stories. My son goes on and on and on about stuff that is totally uninteresting to me. I do my best to teach him how to tell a succinct story, or to get to the point of the story, while still encouraging and supporting him but my god its so painful.
My husband cleans the house while I breastfeed my kid to sleep. I almost always lay next to her for a bit longer and scroll on my phone and enjoy her presence until I can hear him finished, so that I don’t have to help.
😜
However, behind closed doors, it remains a mystery how many corners each parent cuts to preserve their sanity and prevent a potential meltdown. Nevertheless, the fact that 64% of mothers feel their parenting choices are sometimes judged by other moms, as revealed by recent data from The Research Moms, it comes as no surprise that many opt to keep their approaches to themselves.
Oh man...
I don't care what my child eats. I mean, I CARE. I TRY. But it's so draining for me to fight him about food. He turned 3 in April and you know what? He gets almost all of the important vitamins/nutrients from smoothies. I hide zucchini and carrots in banana bread. Spinach is tasteless in smoothies.
Eats pasta. Refuses veggies most of the time. Will eat chicken if fried or in nugget form but no other meat and no other way. If my child is gonna sit there and eat a whole loaf of bread, I really do not care anymore.
I DO care about his sugar consumption. That's all lol
i feel this so much. i try everyday, with soooo much patience. i dont fight over food. i prepare healthy meals. he often chooses the not so healthy parts on his plate. i dont force him. but i limit sugar. if he chooses bread over vegetables i accept it. at the moment he loves strawberries and could eat them all day 😁 i am sure if he sees me eating healthy food he will gain an also healthy attitude towards food during growing up.
I still sleep in my 2.5 yo room most nights. I put a full bed in there because his twin hurt my back. And honestly, if I’m in there he will sleep all night. Since I’m
The nighttime parent, I’ve decided my sleep is worth being uninterrupted.
I also sometimes lay with him until he falls asleep then go down to visit with husband and watch tv until he inevitably falls asleep on the couch, and I’ll head right back upstairs to kids room before he wakes up calling for me.
Love my husband but this is the season I’m in and I’ve accepted it. It won’t last forever. But I get lots of judging about how my husband must be lonely and some other bs when people find out.
"I absolutely think some moms fear judgment from others because we internalize societal pressures the minute we give birth. Scratch that - the minute the pregnancy test turns positive," Vicki Broadbent, the founder of the celebrated blog, Honest Mum, and a mother of three, told Bored Panda in an email.
My daughter lives on broccoli and French fries.
I bathe her twice a week
Teeth brushed once a day
I swear a lot around her
We are all great moms... we just have our own unique styles.
I mostly watch “adult” shows with my 4 year old every day. I pre-screen episodes (and sometimes skip scenes) so he sees nothing too outrageous, but at this point his favorite shows are Futurama, Bob’s Burgers, Simpsons, and King of the Hill.
The occurrence of bullying among mothers, meanwhile, may be linked to our primal survival instincts. Scientific research suggests that engaging in such behavior can confer an evolutionary advantage by allowing certain individuals within a social group to achieve a higher status at the expense of their peers. You know, the same way that jocks sometimes make fun of drama students in school.
I let the 10mo, the 4yo and the 7yo spend 40mins putting dirt into the snap side pool.
Its filthy. And they are covered in mud.
But I got to make dinner with no interruptions.
Yesterday they got all the chalk wet and made an absolutely horrific mess on the side of the house, porch concrete and every yard toy within reach. Combined with the pool/dirt thing going on today, it looks like a rainbow massacre. Baby has dirt and chalk in his hair.
I had to repot some plants last week so had a potting mix throw down with the leftovers, and then they gathered up the remnants and "potted" some random trash. We finna see if a piece of foil and cutting of a pizza box sprouts any day now.
When I was in the worst of my symptoms from covid 10 days ago, we received my husbands fishtank supplies in a massive box full of packing peanuts. I let them roll around in them and play bumper cars in diaper boxes through the mess.
I frequently let them make huge messes I have to clean up to get some spare minutes or just because its funny.
Both my kids slept in the bed with me when they were newborns. With my first I really, really fought it — but my wife deployed a month before my second was born so I was alone that entire first year. She slept with me from the day she came home from the hospital to 6ish months when I (also controversial in mom-groups) sleep trained.
I think my *secret* is that… I don’t regret it. I see so many parents on the Reddit get so up in arms about other parents bedsharing and I’m just over here like… huh, wild. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.
"I'm always honest with fellow parents, and three kids in, I'd say I'm confident in my parenting style but I also respect that other mums will parent differently to me and that's okay," Broadbent explained. "I definitely think the longer you parent (one kid or more), the less you fear what I term, 'the back seat parents': those who try to pressurize you into parenting exactly as they do. It's their way or the highway."
Screen time is ongoing at my place. I’m 37weeks pregnant and I don’t think I could do toddlering without blues clues. When this baby comes I def will continue the screen time.
Survival.
I feel guilty about the amount of screen time we give our boys, but it's the only way we get a little peace or get a chance to get stuff done.
Not sure if this counts. But I want another baby to get a redo of the newborn days. We tried for years to get pregnant with fertility treatments and recurrent loss and I had a traumatic postpartum experience which drastically impacted our bond. Had to rush back to the hospital and was separated from her. Medical issue causing me to go back to the hospital prevented me from breastfeeding and I had no intention of formula feeding prior to this. And when we got back from the hospital she had wicked colic for 3 months and had multiple things wrong with her that took us 3 months to figure out and now she’s a high needs baby. She’s about 9 months and I just now feel like I’m coming out of my ppd fog and just now feel like I actually love my baby. I feel like I got robbed of delighting in the newborn stage, of delighting in my baby at all and I want a do over. I feel guilty as hell for even thinking this because I’m not even a good mom to the baby I have.
F**k now I’m crying 😭
According to a 2017 report from the C.S. Mott Children's Hospital National Poll on Children's Health at the University of Michigan, more than two-thirds of mothers with children aged 0-5 (60%) have experienced criticism regarding their parenting choices. The critique encompasses a wide range of topics, spanning from discipline methods to breastfeeding practices. You choose formula over breastmilk? Gasp!
I have a son and I’m having him take dance class next year for many reasons. One is that the other option is gymnastics and I’m worried he’ll be really good at it, and that’s the sport I’m scared of most when it comes to injuries. I know the horror stories so for my own anxiety, please don’t add your horror stories here without a trigger warning. Pretty please.
My mil clearly doesn’t want him doing dance because she’s worried he’ll get bullied. He’s 4. Of kids are bullying him, show me their parents because they’re the reason for it. Kids this age love to dance by nature- I teach preschool- they all dance right now. It isn’t until they’re told that dancing is for girls that they stop, and it’s heartbreaking that this happens.
I tell my mil he’s dancing because of all the benefits: counting, rhythm, beat, memorization, crossing the midline, listening to directions, working as a team and as an individual… the list goes on. And while she can try and convince me of gymnastics, gymnastics doesn’t always have those things especially at the younger ages.
And if he doesn’t enjoy it, it will be his only year.
I think dance is a great idea, terrific exercise and an outlet to express joy. I suggest you emphasize film or videos of the many incredible male dancers and young performers to your MIL.
• My daughter started sipping off my coffee at 13 months. She’s 6 now. If she asks for an ice coffee when I make my own I make her one too.
• We co slept from birth until she was 5. Her first 3 months were in a recliner. If I set her down she screamed for hours on end. I felt like I was losing my sanity from the exhaustion. That chair saved my life.
• We play a ton of video games together. We both have a Switch and LOVE it. I taught her Animal Crossing and she’s teaching me Minecraft. Sometimes we play for a few hours without breaks. Oops (but we also got a giant backyard water slide so she does get plenty of outdoor exercise I promise)
• I’ve never made her wear pants at home unless we had guests. To this day her go to outfit is a shirt and underwear. She even sleeps that way.
• Sometimes we just have Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast.
Looks like my child is going to be the recliner one too. I am 6month in and she started to define my sleeping position. But when I am in the recliner, she is calm and never kicks or turning around. So...most nights I sleep there. I wouldn't be surprised if it will hold even once she is born.
My kids love coffee too, but I make them a fake, decaf coffee made of grains (tastes the same, they love it). We co sleep too. They're 3 and almost 6 and they can sleep there until they decide they want to sleep in their own bed. They also love running around the house butt naked. Unless we have friends coming over, they can wear (or not wear) whatever they want...
I'm 60 and have basically the same wardrobe (I do wear shorts because we have 2 oversized sliders on the main floor and have neighbors) BUT, unless I need to leave the house, I'm not wearing a bra.
Wow, this is my childhood almost. I didn't cosleep, but the rest. I started drinking coffee in very small doses and with lots of milk at 2 (so caffeine does nothing for me) and it's still a comfort drink for me. Also, a shirt and underwear is like peak at home fashion. So comfy. I promise, someone raised this way can be a perfectly independent adult.
I grew up with an Italian grandmother who made us coffee milk and pizza fritas for breakfast! Funny the ones that judge people for a small amount of coffee are buying their kids supersized sodas.
I was you as a mom and my son is almost 20 and doing amazing! You got this
I never put pants on my 1.5 year old if we are at home. No point unless we are going out, and if not we have a no pants party lol (obviously diaper because it'd be way too messy without it)
My younger daughter LOVES coffee...always has done. I let her have it...as long as it's decaf, what's the harm?
And both my girls wear shirts and undies as a go to at home....only have to dress if we have guests over, and then not all the time as half their shirts are like dresses! They will concede and put shorts on sometimes hahaha.....
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I ate coffee ice cream when I was 8. And I have been drinking matcha (which is like coffee) since I was perhaps 7. Now, I'm 12 and I eat coffee cake sometimes and drink coffee sometimes. Mostly matcha tho.
Broadbent, who is no stranger to silently being judged by other mothers, believes this is partly because experienced parents like to think they know things better than those who are having their first puke-stained, sleep-deprived rodeo. "Most advice is well-meaning of course but a lot can feel undermining and makes first-time parents in particular second-guess themselves when it's imperative to trust your gut," she said. "Also, do what we need to survive and thrive as a parent juggling an overwhelming mental and physical load."
I regret having my oldest child. He has ruined my life and I’m stuck in a hellscape I never wanted for myself. My literal only hope some days is that he leaves at 18.
Please go and find a good therapy. I mean it. My mother used to tell me all my childhood that I ruined her life and she never wanted me. Not until was I pregnant myself I learned from my father that she didn't want to be pregnant with me, when she found out. She wanted abortion. But her dad and my father made her keep me. Her actions and words started to make sense to me. I will fight for everyone's right to decide wheter they want or don't want to end their pregnancy. This is not worthy. No child should hear words like "you have ruined my life" and "I never wanted you" from their parents. Please find help, you need it, you deserve it. Everyone needs help from time to time
Oreos or a brownie for breakfast about 3-4 days a week. It’s not worth the meltdown and food refusal. We make up for it with our other meals and she usually doesn’t ask for any other sweets the rest of the day. Besides, I’d rather her have sugar earlier in the day than at night, after dinner, before bed.
Of course, this also falls down on there not being a perfect formula for raising kids which gives a lot of room for comparison and judgment. A lot of silent tsk tsk's when one sees other moms snapping at their little ones at the playground. Broadbent suggests not minding what others think and trusting your gut. "Find your voice. Politely but firmly shut down those trying to manipulate or pressurize your parenting style," she said.
I'm tired of being nice to my kid all the time. She is like, the nicest lil 6 year old ever. Nice to toddlers. Popular with all ages. Sticks up for others. Would literally give me her last bite of ice cream if I asked.
But, oh, man, I want to scream I DONT F****N CARE!!! the next time she says "Mom, look at me..." do whatever inane thing she's already done 10000x. I want to scream SHUT UP FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE every time she runs out of her limitless words and begins just making stupid noises to entertain herself. I want to say OMG I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU the next time she hits me with a weaponized "you're weeelllcooom" when she does the barest minimum of anything and I'm supposed to fall over myself with gratitude. I want to ignore her every time she narrates her every friggin action to me, oh hey, she's telling me a riddle right now that makes no sense, oh god it's still going and I'm smiling and pretending to get it. *Ha ha, that's a good one.*
Seriously. The best kid ever. Teacher's favorite. Emotional intelligence far beyond her years. I'm a monster. I would never actually say any of this.
But my poor brain, just let it hear itself think. Just let me be still. Let me stop having to react all the time.
I use medical cannabis, I have a severe spinal injury that left me with neuropathy in my left leg, I don’t work either I’m a stay at home mom to my 5 and 2 year old. I get judged by my family a lot, even though I use a vape pen or edibles or cannabis oil, I don’t use it around the kids, and at this point with my pain it doesn’t give me a “ high” like everyone assumes, and of course I’ve had to explain again and again that I used to use narcotics and muscle relaxers but they would literally wipe out any energy I had so it wasn’t exactly a solution with kids thrown into everything. I’m very lonely because of it, the injury and my pain management method keep me from getting close to anyone really, and a lot of the cannabis friendly moms I have hung out with make it seem like that’s the only reason they want to hang out in the first place when I really really try to not make it a huge part of my personality or anything like that. I try really hard in the other areas of parenting to compensate for my lack of physical ability, like I can’t run around the back yard with my kids, or even take long walks around the neighborhood or the mall, it just sucks sometimes and I don’t really have anyone other than my husband to vent to.
I wish I could hang out with this OP. I don't use cannabis but have zero issues with it. Compared to muscle relaxers, cannabis is safer with young kids
Finally, if you feel like it's high school all over again, with all-telling glances, smirks and judgmental tones, it might be the case that you're simply in the wrong crowd. It's time to look for a healthy and positive environment. "[Find] other parents who understand you and whose company you enjoy," says Broadbent. "Every day is a school day so be open, but most of all, hang out with those who make you feel happy and who you can be yourself with. Also, learn from your kids because they're the greatest teachers of all."
my 2.5yo had two slices of cheese and an ice cream sandwich for dinner
My almost-3yo had cocktail sausages for breakfast.
I let my kids eat as much bacon and eggs as they want. It’s a lot.
I wish my kid would eat straight eggs. I have to hide them in veggie slices and even on pizza.
I don’t usually bother to put anything more than a diaper on my one year old while we’re at home unless it’s cold or she’s going to bed. She eats in her pjs and they get covered in oatmeal, so I take them off and she just stays like that, not worth the fight and distress of the manhandling that she hates just so I can do even more laundry.
Also it’s interesting how even given the choice to watch as much TV and screens as she wants because I don’t limit it she watches only pretty much an hour a day.
Agree completely with the clothes point. Mine stayed in those sack-like drawstring gown things as long as I could keep them.
Screen time. Food. Too many toys. I’m a horrible mother. 🥺
I rarely wash my kiddos hair. I brush it and she takes baths daily, but I can’t justify her screaming every night.
Oooh I have another one.
My baby slept on my chest the entire first 4 months of his life. There was no other way. If he was in his crib, I would stare at him endlessly. Make sure he was breathing. I only ever slept when someone else was home and watching him while he was awake. Once he started rolling around 4 months, I had no choice but to have him sleep in his crib. I watched him sleep every night. At 6 months, I started bedsharing and I was able to sleep more.
For the first few months, our youngest slept in our arms. It was the only way he (and us) would sleep.
My son slept in our bed until he was like 13. (Years). Sometimes when he visits (he’s 23 now and turned out fine!!) he will still get in my bed with me and read or watch videos. He also camps out in our bed (on my side) when I’m not there, so I think he just likes our bed.
My toddlers have unlimited TV time. As in.. it’s always on. I needed that background noise and distraction when I was home alone with twins, and now it’s just become a part of our lives.
We are kind of in the same situation, we constantly have a "background" noise going. Sometimes it's just Moving Art on Netflix (great to fall asleep to as well, can't recommend enough). Just because it's on, doesn't mean we are actively watching 24/7.
I put my three year old on one of those little dragon roller coaster things at a carnival today and she haaaaated it and I feel so bad! Like she’s scarred forever 😭 Like I messed her up 😞
I have a three week old and the 5 and 3 year old have gotten yelled too much, I’m so tired between healing and nursing and night feeds.
Meanwhile watch all the freaking tv you want. And here sweet girl, have some of my ice cream/soda when you sneak out of bed, shhhhh, don’t tell dad or your brother.
My dad made me go on a roller coaster when I was maybe 9, because he'd brought me to an amusement park by himself and he really, really wanted to go on just one roller coaster (as an adult, I get wanting to get your kids out of their comfort zones and to enjoy something you enjoy). However, I was terrified and kept my head down and against the lap bar - and managed to give myself a big bruise on my forehead by the end of the coaster. He felt so bad.
My 3 year old gets way more than an hour of screen time some days - especially if her baby sister is having a high maintenance day.
I only breast fed for three months and the whole time we were supplementing formula because I was going through what basically amounts to a psychotic break over the course of ten months.... Thanks PPD. I told the WIC office that I got sick and that cut off my supply. That was the only way they wouldn't judge me.
Also, some nights my husband works my son and I stay up past his bed time and watch TV/eat ice cream together. He's four, I know it's not ideal but I work full time and the guilt eats me alive either way... might as well enjoy some empty calories with my kiddo!
I don’t limit screen time and don’t want to, I feel no guilt over it at all. I don’t care what my kids eat as long as they are fed. I don’t care if they eat sweets, and my daughter will binge on them, and the result is she gets a stomach ache because that’s what happens when you binge on sweets. If we’re not leaving the house we wear pajamas, my daughter will wear the same night gown multiple days depending on her current favorite. I brush her hair after she showers and for school, otherwise I don’t bother because she has sensory issues and doesn’t need to look pretty at home. Swimming counts as bathing in the summer as long as they get a good bath like once a week (or if we have somewhere to be). I give my daughter (8) coffee, because she’s adhd same as me and her meds have lately caused a huge increase in anxiety so we stopped. She has a go to Starbucks order (iced vanilla latte) and we go about once a week.
I’m a stickler about actual safety issues but not things that are morally neutral and just culturally “shameful.”
I'm sorry but unlimited screen time, letting your kid binge on sweets till she gets stomach ache and giving coffee to an 8yo is bad parenting, no matter how "liberal" or "modern" we all pretend to be here or how chalenging it is.
This is a now defunct secret (thank god) but my then 10 year old refused to comb or brush her (shoulder length) hair for the better part of an entire year, starting just before the pandemic hit. When school went full remote, it was like the point of no return for her hair. The back of her head was one huge mat. I tried everything to get her to let me comb her hair. I probably spent $500 on hair brushes, gentle combs, detangling sprays, even an electric comb. Hours and hours of tears and screaming (on both our parts). Therapy. Nothing would convince her. She is the stubbornest kid in the world. Eventually when the time came to go back to in person school the next school year, she allowed us to cut the mat out and trim her hair. It made the pandemic 1000 times worse, dealing with this nightmare.
1. I don't think that screen time is inherently bad and don't limit how much of it my kids get. I limit what they do with their screen time. Twenty minutes of Roblox a day is all anyone needs, but if they get on Minecraft together they'll play nicely and work as a team toward common goals and strategize and problem solve. Why on earth would I be like "no, stop doing that, go back to fighting like you were doing before."
2. My daughter goes through stages where all she will eat is chips and salsa and I just shrug and tell myself that it's a vegetable. Sometimes my husband will doctor the salsa a bit with some meat or beans so she'll get some protein.
3. My son has spent the majority of his summer vacation laying around reading comic books. I don't think he went outside at all last week. Except to go to the library with me to get more comic books. I am fine with this.
My daughter's best friend lives in another state, so they don't see each other except once a year. I let them have unlimited Minecraft time to play together.
Love this...
- my kids bath maybe once a week or when excessively dirty though we do wash hands frequently
- i rarely wash their hair, too much screaming
- we all have Covid and have screens on 10 hours a day and IDGAF
- i offer my kids treats when i know they will be quiet so i can shower, pee, drink coffee, etc
- i forget to brush their teeth often
But i love them fiercely and they love me. I'm not a perfect mom but i show up for them everyday.
I agree with everything, except for the lack of teeth-brushing. If you don't look after their teeth, they will rot, and the kids will be in a lot of pain.
I let my 15 year old drink. Sometimes. With family and food.
If I -or my mother has- cooked full, fancy, meal, and we’re all sitting down to with either a full bottle or a split, he can have a up to a glass with his meal.
I honestly can’t stand to be around my 8-yo son any more; I don’t like who he is. His behavior is awful and he does things purposely to shock and irritate me. He got mad and threw a toy at me the other night when I sent him to his room for time-out; he threw it so hard that it hit the floor and it bounced up and cut my leg. I feel like an awful mother/human being for feeling this way and it breaks my heart…..I just don’t know what to do with him any more. He’s in counseling and takes medication, but it only does so much.
I was the snarkiest, know-it-all, 'my kids are going to eat what I cook for them', when I saw my niece and nephew being picky eaters. Now I have a child who will not eat veggies, will not eat anything in a sauce (stew, soup, casserole, curry), will pick the herbs off the top of anything in a restaurant. Her favourite food is chips (fries to Americans). Her second favourite food is chicken.
I feel so ashamed of having been that person.
On the plus side, she's well acclimatised to eating out. As long as they have a 'safe food' on the menu, our pre-children lifestyle of eating out is still intact. It keeps me sane.
Edit to add: she won't eat melted cheese. So pizza is off the menu 😩
I let my 2 year old sleep on my butt most nights. 😂 He has a beautiful, wooldland-themed bedroom complete with a large montessori bed, camper-shaped tent, and Hatch machine but he'd rather sleep to cat videos on the couch with my butt as a pillow.
Every morning I let my kid sit in the front seat while I back the car out of our driveway. We stop before we reach the end of the driveway so she can get into her car seat. Brings me joy.
Both my kids are neurodiverse and I feel sad and guilty as hell for giving them my s****y genetics. The youngest was just diagnosed this week and I told few people that I was mostly relieved to get some answers, but I'm also sad that both of them struggle so much with school and friends despite being really bright and sweet kids.
My daughter has anxiety and depression and I feel terrible for giving her such crappy genes. I thought my anxiety and depression were abuse and neglect, but apparently it's genetic:( She also got some of my auto immune issues and I'm so so sorry. I would take it on myself if I could.
I coslept on the couch for like..the first year? Baby would sleep on my chest/ breasts, Id be on my back, death gripping my own hands so I could do it. After like 6 months we'd both sleep on floor, or me on couch and baby on boppy. I never really slept though, I was always half asleep at best. I wasnt really..allowed in the bedroom. It wasnt expliciately told that but hed imply that it would "wake him up' and he had to work. (happily divorced now lol) but back then we lived in the living room, with the tv so ...the tv is her first step dad offically. Tbf the tv was my parent growing up too and I learned a f**k load. Thank you Barney.
She napped on the boppy. I loved that damn boppy so f****n much. I could bring it everywhere. Kitchen on floor? Check. Bathroom on floor so I could shower? Check. It was my best thing ever.
Aside from the screen time and sodium indulgence (pretzels, seaweed snacks, popcorn, extra salt in soup), now that my 2 yr old goes to her dads for a week I put all of her toys into her room, basically wiping the entire rest or the house of her existence. The physical reminders and lack of her presence is too painful to me, too much of a reminder of the failed family unit. I feel very guilty about that. I smoke weed once she goes to sleep, sometimes even during her nap. She has seen her dad and I get into physical altercations while we were still together. Sometimes I have days where my bipolar depression is crippling and she will watch Peppa Pig all day. Oh and she has always watched shows and movies that were way out of her age range since she was an infant. She loves Cuphead.
I have severe depression. Even on meds, sometimes the depressive episodes are just too much. On those days, my kids and I just veg in the living room binge watching tv and eating junk food.
I let my son sleep on his stomach before he could fully roll over himself at five months because he just would not sleep any other way.
My 3 year old ate 4 pieces of cheese pizza today. My 2 year old ate two pieces of pizza and two whole cupcakes. My other two year old had a lot of juice.
My secret, I guess, is I let my kids eat a lot of junk at one time. Also 4 pieces of pizza!? It was impressive.
I haven't turned off the tv in 2 weeks. We have been home with covid, so my 3 year old has had unlimited screen time (we normally don't limit it, but we usually go outside for a few hours and do things other than watch tv, but I have not been up for it haha)
I’ve napped on the floor on a makeshift pallet with my baby and it always makes me wish I could bedshare. I love falling asleep looking at her and just knowing she’s next to me. Unfortunately I’m medicated at night so it’s not in the cards, but no judgement here.
I gave my son distilled water in between feedings to help with hiccups and constipation. He absolutely could not poop without some pure water in his diet. My pediatrician hated me and I left her practice because I disagreed a lot with what she said was "right" for child. I am so happy I left and never looked back at pediatricians... My regular GP was perfectly qualified for our whole family's care
Why shouldn't you give a baby water? My daughter had water alongside formula when she was a baby.
I don’t even have the excuse of pregnancy and we have 24/7 screens. I don’t care. I put it on something at least semi-educational whenever I can. If I can’t get something with numbers/science/animals/etc I at least try for stuff where the characters are sharing and helping each other (like Dino Ranch). But sometimes she just watches Cars 3 over and over while I get some chores done. Whatever.
I have discovered that I am not into the baby/toddler stage at all. They’re cute but man is this stage boring as fuq. Everyone is posting their kids on social going “aww stop growing up so fast!” and I’m over here like.. god I can’t wait for
my kid to grow up because I want to DO stuff with him.. hiking, playing soccer, etc… I’m the compulsively adventurous type that goes crazy sitting in the house. We are slowly getting there but I feel guilty about how much I hate this stage, because I feel like I’m supposed to be treasuring it.
Time flies so fast, and before you realize you'll get to do those stuff with them. SOON ☺
I'd half charge the iPad and when the battery died they were out of screen time for the day.
Now they can turn on computers and the Xbox so they don't use the iPad anymore, but it always bought me enough time in the mornings to have some coffee and get ready.
I am post partum 2 months. I had a c section and took more than a month to recover.
I always had help. My baby is EFF and hence, the nannies can take care of her without me. As a result, I didn't have to stay all nights awake with her full time as a nanny would be there.
And that makes me feel extremely guilty that I had it easy and didn't do as much for my daughter as new moms do. But I am awake and with her almost 16-18 hours a day, while the nanny helps me out to take care of her.
I’ve just done a Google search and, for those who don’t know, EFF means ‘exclusively formula fed’.
I pretend I don’t hear my toddler crying when she wakes up at night because I’m a ‘deep sleeper’. I just really don’t want to listen to Show Yourself and be awake for an hour, so I make my husband do it.
Most nights I let my kid come into bed with me earlier than I “should”.
Everybody but me wants my kid to sleep in his own bed for the full night. My husband, both sets of grandparents, our family doctor - all making the point that 4 year olds should stay in their bed all night and that they absolutely shouldn’t sleep in their parents bed at all. I’m fine for him to start the night off in his own bed, and stay there for however long he lasts. That’s great - I get cleaning & TV time, and a nice chunk of uninterrupted comfortable sleep. But when my son calls out for me in the night, 90% of the time I’ll bring him straight into bed with me rather than get him back to sleep in his own bed.
I have nightly panic attacks thanks to a fear of death - my own and my family’s. I fall asleep listening to podcasts and audiobooks so that my brain doesn’t start to amp up into a panic. I have to check that my son is breathing before I go to bed myself, and if I wake during the night I have to get up and check again. Having him in bed with me means that I always know.
Yes, I know I’m probably f*****g my kid up in some way. Something about not being able to self-soothe - that’s what my husband rants about constantly.
He thinks that the reason I bring our son into our bed is because I haven’t been able to get him back to sleep. Or that I have a “rule” that I only bring him to bed with us if it’s past 4.30am (husband never checks the time when I bring our kid into our bed, and I use that to my advantage). Sometimes that’s true. But mostly it’s for a purely selfish reason on my part.
My sleep mostly sucks once my kid is in with me. He kicks me in the head, takes up tons of room, throws off the doona side that I wake up freezing, gives me very little pillow space, and generally annoys my husband (who, in his defence, does get the majority of the kicking). But it helps keep the panic attacks at bay.
It doesn’t always work - at least once this week I lay there, sweating and heart racing, willing him to fall back asleep quickly so I could race to the bathroom and throw up - but it does help. The only person who knows about this is my psychologist, who is working with me to curb the panic attacks so I can actually get some decent sleep for once.
My kid f*****g loves it - and honestly I don’t think I’m doing him too much of a disservice (on the nights I do put him back to sleep in his own bed he is completely fine, and I hear him put himself back to sleep sometimes when he wakes but doesn’t fully scream out for me). At some point he’s going to be too old to want to snuggle in bed with me - life goes past so quickly and he’ll be a tween before I know it, so I’m going to get the cuddles while I can. But I get so much judgement from everyone else in my life that I’ll never admit (outside here!) that I don’t discourage him coming into my bed in the middle of the night.
I'm pregnant and still eat sushi and drink diet coke. Sorry not sorry.
I spent a few months in Japan and there were pregnant women eating sushi everywhere lol
No screen limitations in my house. That’s how we get to have a life! Kids thrive at school. I’m a teacher so should “know better” but I’m also a human mom who is not on the clock once she gets home, lol.
My sons pediatrician is like this. She'll start with "the APA recommends xyz but as a mom who did this 3 times, I found abc works" I love her
I keep the TV on all day with more adult shows (currently watching through Charmed), kid shows and movies. I let my 4 year old pass out on the couch in the living room while watching an ASMR video on YouTube then carry her to her bedroom because she doesn't fight with us about going to bed. I sleep trained my 8 month old (this feels taboo). I will never push college on my kids because I don't think it's necessary to be successful or make a decent living (my husband feels the same).
I coslept with my baby. I don't care at all about screen time. I allow a fun amount of treats and juice. I don't encourage sharing of her own things (public play equipment or shared toys is different). I let my toddler roam through the store with me as long as she is in eyesight. She plays video games on my phone.
I don't limit screen time for my toddlers (3 and 2) the same as I did for their older brothers because I'm just burnt out. I don't make any of them eat vegetables every day. I will throw my shoe at my 3 year olds knees to trip him so I have an advantage when I'm chasing him down. My 2 year old has learned that I'm probably not coming to help her with things unless she pulls my shirt and gets me to come with her right then. My 5 year old hates people and I encourage it. My 7 year old is excessively competitive and driven by money and we extort that by paying him to clean rooms for a dollar or to race me in cleaning a room. My 3 year old is very trying and sometimes when I put him in timeout he puts himself down for nap and I love it. My 2 year old has eaten just the icing off at least 2 cupcakes today.
Beyond everything else, throwing their shoes at their 3 year olds knees to trip him up is abuse. Anything could happen if he falls the wrong way. I just can't imagine a mother or father thinking it's a good idea. I hope someone else finds out or he tells someone, sooner rather than later. It needs to stop before he gets hurt badly.
Oh where to start…
How about this; when my four year old won’t eat I will sing, to the tune of “Show yourself” from Frozen 2…
“Feed yourself, or I’m going to smack you!”
My 18 month old eats a pouch for breakfast every morning and lives off of snacks
We don’t go to the park often (I work all the time and hubby has severe social anxiety) so she just plays on the balcony
I use small amount of weed vape to get through the worst of my pregnancy
The tv is always on
Sometimes I catch my kid on the iPad while the tv is on and I take the opportunity to sit in another room in quiet
I don’t wipe pee bums unless there’s a shart or it is necessary
I’m not crazy about managing sugar intake, I mean ya I water down juice but if she wants a popsicle she can have a damn popsicle
Sometimes if we don’t have a bath that day I forget to brush her teeth
If we aren’t leaving the house sometimes she rocks a diaper all day, makes potty training and my life a lot easier
We don’t baby proof we just set boundaries and regret it later
Kids wear the same clothes for school and sleep 2 days straight because we bath every other day and I’m too lazy to change their clothes other than after bathing or if very dirty.
I only brush their teeth once a day.
I ditched safe sleep because my first had horrible flat head, my second slept so much better in his stomach, and my third I didn’t even try safe sleep and I don’t feel guilty at all.
I also sometimes drink too much while watching the kids. That I feel guilty about.
I just feel mothers are under too much pressure because of others. People who write on fb or other SM. Even the "experts" are too much IMO. Given, that you're a "normal" person, who loves his kid and wants him/her only the best, then you're doing a good job. Doing something because someone tells you that it is the right thing to do, but you just don't feel it as right, then it's definitly not right for you. Listen to your kid and yourself, not to others. When in doubt, ask someone who should know - your mum😁
Dirty after playing? It just means they had fun. PJ days? Sure. But coffee for babies? What the heck are these mothers thinking?
I was born in the nineties. My parents had never heard of autism. I had a lot of eating issues and I acted way different than other kids. My mom didn't know what was wrong but still loved me. My dad was abusive and I didn't want to bother my mom with the mental issues I was having. I didn't figure out I was autistic until I was in my mid twenties. I feel bad for not being a normal child and making life hard for my abused mom.
I've brought up two daughters, and sometimes TV and pizza is all I could manage for them. That is OK. Just don't make it routine and make sure they wash, brush their teeth, have clean clothes, learn good manners and go to school. The "shiny happy family" stuff I did when I could.
Nothing brings the self-righteous "my way is the right way" twits crawling out of the woodwork quite like parenting discussions. No matter what your parenting style, it's guaranteed there'll be some ning-nong telling you it's wrong. ;-)
I grew up in the 70’s and I would double dog DARE a mother to tell another mother how to raise their kid… only mother in laws did that lol
Load More Replies... I also weaned my daughter at 3 months old, apparently now they advise 8 months old.
Does anyone know the toxicity of cannabis in regards to young children? Like does smoking it during pregnancy have a huge impact on the fetus ( similar to tobacco?)? How serious is an accidental intake of a small amount (edible/gummy) for say a toddler? Not being critical, just uninformed. I was surprised by the amount of cannabis on this post.
"The main active chemical of marijuana (delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol [THC]) readily crosses the placenta, and cannabinoid receptors have been identified in fetal brain and placenta. As a result, prenatal marijuana use could potentially have detrimental impact on fetal development." - National Institutes of Health (US) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7090387/
Load More Replies... To all the mums out there, just in case there was any doubt... these are all almost entirely within the realm of normal parenting. There is nothing to judge and no reason for you to pay any attention to those who do. You do your best and you f**k up sometimes and that's part of literally everything we do as human beings. Just love your kids and show up when they need you. You are enough xoxo
I hate the parent guilts. They eat away at me. We had our second kid when our first was almost three. Before our second was born, we were in a great place. Our first was more independent, sleeping through the night, and we were getting free childcare hours. When our second came along, we were back to square one. I'm ashamed to admit, but (at 3am after his third time waking up), I whispered to our second, "You ruined everything." Of course, I am head-over-heels in love him (he's almost 3), but I still feel guilty about my resentment.
I am always baffled by parents who have these kids. Okay, they're entitled, infuriating, unable to function in society - I get all that. Barring an actual emotional / mental condition, they are the results of the parent(s) action or inaction. They are literally the creature of your own making. YOU MADE THIS and then you wish to dump your hell-spawn on the rest of society to contend with (and likely support) - THANKS FOR THAT.
Several of these surprised me a bit. Not because they were dark secrets. But because I thought it was normal to do what they feel bad about. Like, not putting on clothes on your kids if you're just home anyways (beside panties and perhaps a t-shirt). Or the screen time (sometimes they watch for hours, sometimes it's just background noise, and sometimes they forget to shut off the tv because they remembered that outdoors has great playing opportunities as well). They shower when it is necessary. I do get that it's normal to feel like a bad mom and perhaps that is what this list is actually more about than dark secrets. But imho, your kid just needs you to be an ok mom. I have a sticker on my bullet journal that says "the world's okayest mom" and I strongly believe that being an ok mom is better than aiming at perfect. Because perfect moms is not a real thing. Just do what you can to keep the kid out of trouble (medical, legally, emotionally) and try to show them love.
Some people just want to watch the world burn. That wasn't supposed to be a f*****g goal people.
I just feel mothers are under too much pressure because of others. People who write on fb or other SM. Even the "experts" are too much IMO. Given, that you're a "normal" person, who loves his kid and wants him/her only the best, then you're doing a good job. Doing something because someone tells you that it is the right thing to do, but you just don't feel it as right, then it's definitly not right for you. Listen to your kid and yourself, not to others. When in doubt, ask someone who should know - your mum😁
Dirty after playing? It just means they had fun. PJ days? Sure. But coffee for babies? What the heck are these mothers thinking?
I was born in the nineties. My parents had never heard of autism. I had a lot of eating issues and I acted way different than other kids. My mom didn't know what was wrong but still loved me. My dad was abusive and I didn't want to bother my mom with the mental issues I was having. I didn't figure out I was autistic until I was in my mid twenties. I feel bad for not being a normal child and making life hard for my abused mom.
I've brought up two daughters, and sometimes TV and pizza is all I could manage for them. That is OK. Just don't make it routine and make sure they wash, brush their teeth, have clean clothes, learn good manners and go to school. The "shiny happy family" stuff I did when I could.
Nothing brings the self-righteous "my way is the right way" twits crawling out of the woodwork quite like parenting discussions. No matter what your parenting style, it's guaranteed there'll be some ning-nong telling you it's wrong. ;-)
I grew up in the 70’s and I would double dog DARE a mother to tell another mother how to raise their kid… only mother in laws did that lol
Load More Replies... I also weaned my daughter at 3 months old, apparently now they advise 8 months old.
Does anyone know the toxicity of cannabis in regards to young children? Like does smoking it during pregnancy have a huge impact on the fetus ( similar to tobacco?)? How serious is an accidental intake of a small amount (edible/gummy) for say a toddler? Not being critical, just uninformed. I was surprised by the amount of cannabis on this post.
"The main active chemical of marijuana (delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol [THC]) readily crosses the placenta, and cannabinoid receptors have been identified in fetal brain and placenta. As a result, prenatal marijuana use could potentially have detrimental impact on fetal development." - National Institutes of Health (US) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7090387/
Load More Replies... To all the mums out there, just in case there was any doubt... these are all almost entirely within the realm of normal parenting. There is nothing to judge and no reason for you to pay any attention to those who do. You do your best and you f**k up sometimes and that's part of literally everything we do as human beings. Just love your kids and show up when they need you. You are enough xoxo
I hate the parent guilts. They eat away at me. We had our second kid when our first was almost three. Before our second was born, we were in a great place. Our first was more independent, sleeping through the night, and we were getting free childcare hours. When our second came along, we were back to square one. I'm ashamed to admit, but (at 3am after his third time waking up), I whispered to our second, "You ruined everything." Of course, I am head-over-heels in love him (he's almost 3), but I still feel guilty about my resentment.
I am always baffled by parents who have these kids. Okay, they're entitled, infuriating, unable to function in society - I get all that. Barring an actual emotional / mental condition, they are the results of the parent(s) action or inaction. They are literally the creature of your own making. YOU MADE THIS and then you wish to dump your hell-spawn on the rest of society to contend with (and likely support) - THANKS FOR THAT.
Several of these surprised me a bit. Not because they were dark secrets. But because I thought it was normal to do what they feel bad about. Like, not putting on clothes on your kids if you're just home anyways (beside panties and perhaps a t-shirt). Or the screen time (sometimes they watch for hours, sometimes it's just background noise, and sometimes they forget to shut off the tv because they remembered that outdoors has great playing opportunities as well). They shower when it is necessary. I do get that it's normal to feel like a bad mom and perhaps that is what this list is actually more about than dark secrets. But imho, your kid just needs you to be an ok mom. I have a sticker on my bullet journal that says "the world's okayest mom" and I strongly believe that being an ok mom is better than aiming at perfect. Because perfect moms is not a real thing. Just do what you can to keep the kid out of trouble (medical, legally, emotionally) and try to show them love.
Some people just want to watch the world burn. That wasn't supposed to be a f*****g goal people.
