Despite someone’s best efforts, not every relationship is destined to actually work out. Possibly one of the saddest feelings are the one-sided texts, the constant need to initiate, and the feeling that something is off. Still, many people persist, often deluding themselves that all will be ok.
Someone asked men “When did you realize that she's not into you and you should move on?” and netizens shared their moments of clarity. So settle in, prepare to get a little uncomfortable as you read through, and be sure to upvote the most interesting examples. If you’ve been in a similar situation, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below.

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If it’s not a hell yes… it’s probably a no. Save your time.
This should be at the top. It's beyond me why so many men think the goal is any woman they can browbeat into going out with them. Stay single until you meet the one who is as into you as you are into them. Don't settle for less!
Not everyone is looking for long term relationships, though.
Load More Replies...A.lot of guys are very preoccupied with ticking superficial boxes that will impress other people and forget to get to know her as a person.
When you have to try extra hard to make it work. If it isn't happening naturally, just let it go. Also, when they aren't interested in kissing or cuddling, thats usually a dead giveaway.
I’m quite over sensitive to touch and don’t like people touching me so it took me a long time to get at least somewhat comfortable with physical touch from my ex. I would often wince or squirm when he tried to hug, etc at the start and he was visibly annoyed with it. Doesn’t mean it’s a problem on your end necessarily. But I also don’t like the scraggly feeling of beards (and beards in general) so it was always uncomfortable for me if his beard touched me.
I hate touch too, feels like sandpaper to me. I think its best to just find people you're compatible with from the start in this department - There must be others who are also like that (even if its rarer than being cuddly).
Load More Replies...Not sure. Think of dogs: some are clingy and cuddly, some will only occasionally have a quick cuddle with their favourite person, but it's about their personality, not about loyalty or how attuned they are to your needs.
And realize that the clingy, cuddly ones often like doing that with whomever is available. (Talking about dogs here, but there might be a similarity there.)
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Way way way way way too late. Pro tip: if it takes a woman two months to get back to you she isn't interested. Wish I learned that sooner.
"Pro tip: if it takes a woman two months to get back to you she isn't interested. Wish I learned that sooner." Oh dear.
@James Anthony, when did @Multa Nocte ever imply that?
Load More Replies...2 months??? I have adhd but if there's someone I'm interested in talking to I still reach out on a weekly basis.
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She acted like I was bothering her when I went to talk to her.
I think he means that if he tried to talk to her about anything when she wasn’t doing anything she would be annoyed no matter the importance
Load More Replies...My ex and I were totally opposite, she would describe a 30 sec. ad in 15 minutes, cause she went on and on, repeating herself, etc. I would describe a 2 hour movie in 2 minutes tops. I liked silence to unwind, she wanted to know every second of my day the minute I got home. That spiraled on to our breakup. Oh, and maybe her cheating too.
When I asked her out and she said “no, I think of you like a brother.” No hard feelings or drama. I wasn’t mad. I was kinda touched that she thought of me that way. We are not as close these days because life sent us in different directions.
I'm happy OP isn't whining about being "friendzoned" and accepted her answer.
Also: when did a friend become a bad thing to have/be?
Load More Replies...I once got "the best relationships start from friendships like this" - siggghh... now I am going to have to tell you I just don't want to shag you.
lol a guy said that to me once and I just replied “yea I’m sure some do”
Load More Replies...I went out with my sister's ex (from HS), because we loved each other, but ended up laughing because we thought of each other as siblings. Had a fun date though. Just nothing physical after that first attempted kiss. It was worth a try.
When girls say that they most likely don’t even think of you as a brother; learnt it the hard way when I told a girl she was like a sister to me (coz I thought we were moving too fast) and she thought I friend zoned her.
By far most people mean the things they say. If someone thinks the relationship is moving too fast most will just say “I think we’re going too fast with this relationship” or something similar instead of “you’re like a sibling to me” which is indicating you really have no romantic interest in them. Unless you live in Alabama.
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If a girl likes you, they'll let you know.
Just because they respond to you means nothing.
Responding is called "politeness" and "manners" - it's not a sign to jump into bed and marry someone.
Well, not to be extremely arguementative but if you're shy, like many people I know, you will be somewhat afraid to let someone know how they feel. But yeah, I agree with "Just because they respond to you means nothing."
And if a lady says she loves you, it doesn't necessarily mean that she wants sex or marriage. Maybe she just loves you the way things are now.
In online dating, when the girls give me very short responses to what should be open-ended questions. Either she's not interested in me, or she's not interesting enough for me to keep trying. Regardless, I'm not going to waste my time or hers.
This is how I weed out potential dates: approximately 93% send nothing but “hi” or “sup” for an opening message. Delete, delete, delete. If you can’t be bothered to make ANY sort of effort to engage me, then I’m not interested even s tiny bit, even (especially!) if you have the best profile I’ve ever seen. 😕
So should i get rid of my husband because of his one syllable replies to my attempts at conversation?
I mean I hope you already know your husband is into you... this thread is directed at more getting to know someone. Not established relationships
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She always had a “girls night”, or some excuse to never show up, yet expected me to drop everything and be with her when she wanted.
That's not "she's not interested" that's "she's entitled"... though she probably isn't overly interested, too.
Either way, better to move on and find better.
Load More Replies...When she showed up again after 2 weeks of not answering calls or texts and showed her butt when I had another woman sitting on my ottoman. Guess she thought I'd always be the side action. Wrong, married the ottoman woman and 4 kids and 31 yrs later we still going strong.
Getting one word responses back to everything and always being the one to initiate a conversation. Kinda just true of friendships in general, tbh, it sucks to feel like the only person giving a s**t.
I am concerned about people who receive such blatant signs of disinterest from a person and yet still trying to press a relationship with that person. Are you going to try to browbeat her into the relationship you want that she obviously doesn't?
My husband would carry on great conversations when we were dating. Once married, he's down to one syllable replies. I wish i'd known earlier.
I usually respond with only one word when texting. It only means I don't like to text.
The moment she starts referring to you as “bro” you know it’s over.
I'm sorry to hear that. But remember, it's not you. It's them. (Sorry, I'm just kidding, can't help it 🤪)
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When she said that she's not ready for a relationship and then got into a relationship two weeks later.
Many of us didn't know we were ready for a relationship until we ran into a specific person. I'd much rather someone tell me that we aren't clicking for whatever reason than lead me on.
But say you're not clicking, don't make it sound like you're totally emotionally unavailable when it's really just this specific relationship.
Load More Replies...Women tend to be raised to "be nice". Also, not to reject too quickly if there's nothing "wrong". Just because there's nothing wrong doesn't make it right. But we're programmed not to say no overtly and "hurt someone's feelings".
Sometimes we say things that aren’t true because they’re better than saying “You’re grossing me out and I may barf,” or “Just my luck! I’ve met the most boring/stupid/dull/smelly/creepy/etc person alive!” Which would you rather have, a lie or something that may shatter your confidence until you die?
"I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in a relationship with you." Neither impolite, nor a lie.
Load More Replies...Broke off a relationship and decided not to even date for a while. Just tired of all of it. One month later I was married to a man I went on a blind date, a week after our first date. Sometimes they're just not ready for a relationship with YOU.
I had a few relationships that went toxic and I blamed my need for a hugh personal space ,lots of time roaming around in the forests,get lost in hobbies- so I thought I'm better off alone. Sometimes I am not sure if I just avoid getting my heart unlocked again or if someone just not got the key It isn't always bad intentions or white lies,sometimes we really just don't know.
Wait. So several women avoid having a relationship with you, but find the right guy within two months? Why would all the women you’re interested in either feel the need to let you down gently or are really not into the idea of a relationship when seeing you? But they are afterwards when they meet a new guy? Ya, it ain’t the women with the personality or character flaws it. It’s the least common denominator that’s the problem. The one person connected to all these women.
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• The effort isn’t reciprocated
• Flirting and/or conversation is one-sided
• “You deserve better”
• “I’m not ready for a relationship”
• “I don’t want to lose you as a friend”
• The good-old hot & cold routine
• “I’m always so busy”
• “I need someone that’s going to fight for me”
My love life was a dumpster fire until I decided to stop wasting my time. Go out with the main priority to just have fun. Don’t take it so seriously. They’re allowed to feel however they want to and you’re allowed to not play games. Be cordial, don’t waste your energy. Don’t be afraid to date multiple women at the same time. If you fit together well, it’ll click.
I recently met up with a guy who seemed sweet, but I just didn't think it was going anywhere. I straight up told him that I didn't want to meet again, but he didn't get it. Now I'm just ignoring him
Maybe it's because I'm older and from the UK, but if you're seeing multiple people there's no chance I'm taking you seriously.
Date multiple women at the same time? I don't think that's really respectful. Would he like it if they did the same?
I guess it depends by whats meant as dating. Meeting people on a dating App? Yeah thats okay because most people go in understanding that's not likley going anywhere. But asking people out in person generally implies there IS interest. Which can kinda be disrespectful
Load More Replies...Yes! This is a brilliant way to live one's life and doesn't make women feel so terrible when they aren't attracted to someone who likes them.
Maybe not the "dating multiple women at the same time" bit, but the rest is good!
Load More Replies...I need to send this /entire/ link to my best friend (like, all these posts/realizations are exactly what he's /not/ understanding.
I'm a woman and I had all of these answers from men. Except maybe the last one that belongs to a very specific kind of woman.
That's incredibly easy to answer.
If you reach out to her a couple of times over a few days and she doesn't respond. It's really that simple. Or she shows no interest in you in terms of family or friends or work or anything.
My first date with my wife was a bit of a disaster. All my fault when my friend got into a fight and marooned us at a music festival. I should have totally taken a car of my own.
I decide to wait a couple of weeks before asking her out again. But then after the second date, she called me when she bought a new car and wanted to show it off.
Never make someone a priority in your life if you're not a priority in hers.
If she says she would love to hang out but isn't making concrete plans — she doesn't want to hang out
To be certain, this isn’t a guy problem or girl problem. The idea that a guy needs to relentlessly pursue a girl & that she’s playing hard to get still permeates society. Boys are still taught that the slightest interest from a girl is sexual or at least physical/romantic interest. Meanwhile, girls are taught that every boy who does something nice for them is doing it because of romantic/sexual motivation. So, if she genuinely just wants a friendship she’s no guarantee that him expressing the same want isn’t simply part of the pursuit. It’s hard to firmly communicate & navigate a platonic friendship when the signals are misrepresented & misconstrued. She DOES want to hang out, but needs to assure the guy is absolutely clear that’s all she wants. If a guy doesn’t know he’s friend zoned from the initial connection, that’s indicative of this type of communication problem. This is why many straight guys & girls struggle at establishing friendships.
Or she's like me, and honestly wants to be around, but doesn't want to make anything official until she knows she will feel like a people person that day.
When she takes days to reply, finally does, and then she makes excuses that she was busy
They did the studies but "95% of all text are read within 3 minutes of sending" Forbes, so adjust your lives accordingly.
I'm gonna just represent that 5% real hard. My phone doesn't work at either job so I tend to see things when I see them. If my people truly need to get ahold of me they email me.
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When, after three years together, i stumbled across some explicit texts between her and her Ex.
It hammered home that my view of the relationship was a lot different than hers. That was 7 years ago. It left me heart broken. I've thought about her every day since.
As soon as the name calling starts, you know the other person has no respect for you and it's over with. That is the sign that you need to part ways.
A 3 year relationship, living in my house, complete trust in her, deposits on a wedding venue and vendors, etc.. started acting suspicious and defensive. Told me she’s lost herself and doesn’t know what to do. Turns out she was flirting with her boss that’s 21 years older than her. Caught them in her car in the middle of a parking lot “talking”
I don’t believe it’s physical, but definitely emotional and her boss is taking advantage of her being vulnerable. Changed the locks on the doors and moved all of her things to her bathroom, yet I’m the one who is the jerk for moving her stuff.
I believe emotional cheating is more damaging to the relationship than physical cheating.
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When we were out to dinner and she went to the bathroom and never came back. We had dinner, drinks, dessert and I had asked for the check. After a while I acted like I got a call and made it seem she had trouble getting the car.
I've seen both men and women do this. It's rude either way. Sticking the remaining person with the bill is a d i c k move either way.
D- move if the vibe is neutral. Not a d- move if there's another side of the story, like, the person who was left with the bill was also creepy as f- and someone read the vibe correctly and ran.
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Others have said it here, but it’s pretty obvious when they fail to initiate conversation or make little to no effort to spend time with you.
Years ago, I talked to a girl for a few months and things were going well. All of a sudden she’s too busy to chat, too busy to go out, too tired to respond to texts.
After a few weeks of trying, it’s like, ‘Yeah…I get it. You’ve completely lost interest…’
Last text to her was a happy birthday text because we shared the same birthday, and me asking for the book I had loaned her back.
So if my husband fails to initiate conversations, dates, or physical touch, what am i to believe?
I don't know maybe you should have an open discussion with your husband about it? A thread like this isnt for longstanding realationships, it's directed towards people just starting. Also there ARE exceptions.
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When she said we should open the relationship because she wants to experience what/who else is out there and not be tied down, then immediately after we broke up she left the country to go live with a guy she met online and they’ve been exclusive for four years now.
I've known several people who were in open relationships, none of them worked and none of the couples are still together.
This too is not a female problem. A lot of guys are the first asking for an open relationship.
Usually either:
I am putting all the work into making conversation
I've tried to arrange something concrete in terms of going on a date and I've been dodged
Either are a good indication that things are going nowhere and it's time to move on.
When I asked her out and she said "Sure, we could go on a date. I don't know what the point would be" Ice cold. I didn't mind the pain of the rejection, because the rejection was so well played.
How would be the best way to get the point across without being harsh? Some of us have been asked out and said no, and then the person starts coming up with comment after comment that our reasons aren't valid.
Once they've constantly pushed it its a different story. This isnt about that kind of scenario.
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When my friends told me she was using me to get back at her ex.
They were right.
Don't you just hate it when people tell you the truth and you don't believe them? Darn them!
Got ghosted for weeks at a time, but stayed because I was emotionally vulnerable and belittled into staying
Don’t worry she’s long gone.
"Don't worry she's long gone." is open to a lot of interpretation...
When she emptied my bank account and got pregnant by another man, I finally figured it out -- after she left with all her stuff
Dude, your ex sucks, but it's kind of on you for not noticing the signs. Though, who am I to judge you?
After she said she liked me but couldn’t get into a relationship at the time, then a couple weeks later she was in a relationship with someone else.
Sorry, but you weren't that special one for her. I have always read "not at this time" as "ever." Saves a lot of useless wondering.
Sometimes you get to be the stallion, sometimes you get to be the teaser pony
Once upon a time, I matched with a girl on OKCupid and we set up a date. We get there sit down and order drinks. Once the drinks arrive she sllooks at me, "I'm glad we had a chance to get together but if I'm being honest? I just don't think I could ever be sexually attracted to you." I finished my drink quickly, put money on the table and walked the hell out.
In hindsight, I appreciate the honesty, but geeze. You knew what I looked like. Why did you agree to the date in the first place?
Maybe it wasn't his looks she wasn't attracted to. I have met many people who were attractive at first glance but as soon as they opened their mouth it was game over. Conversely I have met a lot of people who wouldn't have jumped out at me as a "looker," but their kindness and personality made it all worth while being with them.
This, I'm hardly extremely attracted to men on dating apps, but I know if there is good chemistry and he has agreat personality I can become attracted. So I don't want to judge on appearance, ofcourse I look and think "I could be attracted to you". Within 5 minutes of meeting someone in real life you can know if there is no chance at all. The way someone walks, stands, talks, deals with the environment, other people, voice, scent, the look in their eyes, hygiene etc... many things can be noticed in those 5 minutes, especially the bad things. (A bad smell, very dirty teeth, rude to other people, etc). And still some things can pop up later that are an instant turnoff.
Load More Replies...I was interested in someone when I was online dating. We chatted through messenger for awhile, talked on the phone, eventually setting up a date. Well, the whole time I thought he was a younger man of a certain race and a pasty, old white man showed up for the date. Definitely not attracted to him and ended the date in no time flat. Then there was another guy who used a picture from when he was much younger, but obviously didn't know until I met him in person. Or the guy who looked really good to me in his pictures, but was not the same in person. He was actually a little on the heavier side in pictures and I liked that about him. We did end that date as friends. It's honestly hard to judge someone by their online profile sometimes.
She basically turned me into one of her girlfriends and started telling me about her "h*e phase" she was having at 40 years old. Took me a few months to realize that she's a giant walking red flag.
She invited me to meet her at a bar by her job. We had been planning to meet after a few days of talking. I had met her in person and we exchanged numbers, this was well before tinder or POF. We met up, I was really thrilled to be drinking with her.
She had a boyfriend and was complaining about him. Then asked for "male advice" on some matters. I stayed an hour then made a sad drunk subway ride home. It happened again a few years later with a different woman, almost same situation exactly. She began complaining her BF plays too many video games and has no job. Yikes.
Ok, this is new. And weird. And the fact that it happened twice...what? Really?
When my texts were ignored for a few days and when she sees me now she gives a smile but it's not the one she used to give me. It's that half grin when it used to be an eye roll leading into looking down smiling and then looking at me and scrunching her nose.
She spontaneously made out with this other dude and asked me for advice. I knew then I was never leaving the friend zone. Moved on instantly.
If he was only her "friend" to get with her, then he wasn't really a friend.
So friendship can't grow into something more even if it's not reciprocated?... Sometimes you wait to see how it goes and understanding that because of your feelings and their lack of them you're in the friend zone... It's unfair to expect someone to feel that way and stick around just to be a good friend... There's nothing wrong with being acquaintances
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She came to me upset about falling out with her friend. She shared a screenshot of the conversation and it became quite clear that they had been talking to the same guy. That guy wasn't me. Made much more sense on why she was reluctant to meet me in person.
When she messaged me suddenly at 2 AM and said she was cutting me out of her life because I "wasn't respecting her boundaries despite her repeatedly asking me to stop." Spoiler alert, I went back and looked through literally our entire conversation history on every communication platform we had, no boundaries had ever been mentioned and no requests for me to stop anything I was doing every happened.
Just an idea, but it could have been what OP was doing in person...
This sounds like it might have been a situation where she was already with someone else (dating, seeing or whatever) and he saw some messages on her phone with OP that caused a late night argument where the guy she was with demanded that she shut down the OP from further communications with her. 2AM out of nowhere (?) Maybe not. Either way OP was right to move on.
Sometimes a woman will try and back out of a situation gently because some men get really angry and abusive at being dumped. She has no way of knowing if you are one of them. Sorry if it is confusing but that's the way it is.
I didn't finish this list. Yes, sometimes women blow people off with nonsense reasons, and that can be a d**k move. It can also be to try to protect your feelings by not being too direct about the rejection, or because it's safer because you don't know if the other person will get angry and potentially hurt you. And then there's a few stories about actual abuse.
Some of the posts are common knowledge / normal social cues (independent of wether it is a man or a woman and often also independent of the type of relationship). Some were shocking in the sense that the poster really seemed to not get clues...2 months no response? Her never initiating conversation or never asking about you? Also it depends on how long the posters were interested in the women, some seem way too long before picking up the cues. And no, that weren't all posts. But I was amazed by many of them.
Old men (maybe 65+) are much easier to enjoy relationships with without all of the stress. They have great stories to tell, money and time to do things, and they aren't afraid to say what they think. Just make sure they aren't still married.
A lot of these comments suggest a lot of these men are failing to understand the body language (message, language etc..). Women do communicate differently to men. We think we're being clear with the not interested but men aren't getting it. There are nasty people in both sexes but generally most people try to be nice about it. One guy I knew wouldn't take no for an answer even though I said not interested. I ended up being extremely blunt, he was offended by my language but he finally stopped contacting me
Sometimes a woman will try and back out of a situation gently because some men get really angry and abusive at being dumped. She has no way of knowing if you are one of them. Sorry if it is confusing but that's the way it is.
I didn't finish this list. Yes, sometimes women blow people off with nonsense reasons, and that can be a d**k move. It can also be to try to protect your feelings by not being too direct about the rejection, or because it's safer because you don't know if the other person will get angry and potentially hurt you. And then there's a few stories about actual abuse.
Some of the posts are common knowledge / normal social cues (independent of wether it is a man or a woman and often also independent of the type of relationship). Some were shocking in the sense that the poster really seemed to not get clues...2 months no response? Her never initiating conversation or never asking about you? Also it depends on how long the posters were interested in the women, some seem way too long before picking up the cues. And no, that weren't all posts. But I was amazed by many of them.
Old men (maybe 65+) are much easier to enjoy relationships with without all of the stress. They have great stories to tell, money and time to do things, and they aren't afraid to say what they think. Just make sure they aren't still married.
A lot of these comments suggest a lot of these men are failing to understand the body language (message, language etc..). Women do communicate differently to men. We think we're being clear with the not interested but men aren't getting it. There are nasty people in both sexes but generally most people try to be nice about it. One guy I knew wouldn't take no for an answer even though I said not interested. I ended up being extremely blunt, he was offended by my language but he finally stopped contacting me
