103 Mom Tweets That Might Make Your Day

Hubby gets upset when I put the car keys in my purse instead of on the island. I've never lost my keys and he has, frequently

Yeh, suckers

Nostalgia

Good question, WHY did you eat the 3yo

Fact

well? did you get the health insurance reinstated? you heard the girl, she wants to do a trick!

Boba Fett origin story.

no silly it only gets harder until we move out #13andproud

Silly, they come from the baby farm behind those woods

Seen before, but good idea though

What a mistake

Again, used too many times.

Our #3 daughter had an invisible bird for ages when she was young. One day my wife sat on the couch & our daughter said, calmly, "You've killed birdy" & never mentioned it again. My wife felt guilty for weeks...

I want more deodorant! Give me that small child!

The dogs...mom, what are they doing?

ayo??! but uh, ok

Oh God! The horror! How could you forget something so vital to teenage survival?!

I've got a case against Smart food popcorn.

loved, Oh somebody gon' be in trouble today, she's wearin the mean shoes

That's how you discover your favorite child!

If you saw my family play Cards, you would think we were not a family

Were gonna need a bigger bowl!

This is so accurate it's scary 😂

that seems like a you problem

am i the only one who gets sick at the sight of blood?

It’s worse when you had a little sister who accidentally sneezed in your mouth when you yawned…

Thoughts and prayers indeed

I mean, on purpose, right?

that checks out

true dat

I'm in! Call me!

Don't!! My 4yr old (just) brother often crawls into my bed at unearthly hours in the morning so I just put my arm around him and go back to sleep 🥹

Cute! It's moments like that...

*Tomboy mom is remembering all the dolls she set on fire in the driveway as a kid*

Shhhhh! Stop giving away trade secrets!

They have no idea.... None

Lol you’re getting 50 cents at most

As the four year old, Gracie, ate her fries, her mother, Shelly, looks at her fries, longingly. How could she get access to those beautiful, golden rods? Gracie showed no signs of stopping. That's when Shelly started thinking... was it possible that she could get some of those fries without Gracie biting her hand. She had to build a machine... something that would allow her to get those greasy potatoes. So now, BP, what crazy things will Shelly do to get some of Gracie's fries? Let's make this a story!

Shame on you

The wholesome version of putting the tooth under your pillow on Christmas Eve so that the Tooth Fairy and Santa will fight

I- I have no words what so ever.... (tbh i would probrobly do the same)

Hahaha

My mother has. She then sends them to EVERY SINGLE RELATIVE, because we all know that everyone needs an embarrassing picture of their teenage second cousin once removed in their wallet.

Someone needs to publish this! Try Amazon

OMG I thought it was just mine, now I feel better😳

This kid is good places

HMMM… now wherever have I seen this before…

At least in not in Chinese, oof that was a day

Life ruined

I'm in shape, round is a shape.

I once wrote a paper when son was 1.5 for my 1st college English class (didn't have a lot of extra time with a kud & school). The sentence the teacher liked most! My corner couch has devolved into a holding place for clean clothes.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk!

"You wanna be my woyal yogurt instruct'r? I need a yogurt instruct'r. 'cuz i wanna be able to 'ave a zen momen' like in all da moovies"

I think the extra '2' was a typo

That math.... doesn't check out... Or maybe it does, 'cause after all, 2+2=22!

PeePeePooPoo714? I would have signed in as "TriggerHappyArsonistKitten714"

Sometimes it takes a few years for the genetic traits to emerge. Took mine 16 years before the colorful driving language gene kicked in. My wife was hoping that was a recessive gene, but... nope!