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Moms Of Twitter Reveal Some Funny Things That Happen To Them While Raising Kids (50 Jokes)
While the internet is usually a place for arguments and various opinions, it has long agreed upon its ruler (the cats) and the funniest people around (the dads). However, everyone who is in charge must be challenged from time to time, and it's only natural that cats will be exchanged for dogs and dads… Well, for moms! And very, very rightfully so! As you're about to see, we've gathered a list full of mom jokes (this time, mostly from Twitter), and they are much more sophisticated, high-brow, and hilarious than those labeled as dad jokes. So, why not make a power shift and name moms as the funniest people to read tweets of?
But just why are these funny mom jokes from Twitter so good, you ask? Well, for starters, it's that they are highly relatable. And not to moms - to anyone, really! Another thing is that these cool jokes are basically without any filters. If moms have something to say, they say it how it is, and we do tend to find life's truths to be the most ridiculously funny thing. Also, moms saw you when you were in your nappies, and since you are all grown up now, they can share all the funny stories that they wish. So, although you probably won't find a funny mom tweet that came from your own mom listed here, you can be pretty certain they are about you, too.
Now, ready for the hilarious jokes? If so, scroll on down below and check them out. Be sure to rank the best mom jokes by giving them your votes, and share this article with your mom - she might find these cool jokes just too ridiculous!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
UKGrandad 3 years ago
Not that smart. A queen or king is addressed 'Your Majesty'. Highness is for lesser royals. Yes, I'm kidding.
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OnAFreakingRollercoaster 3 years ago
My 5yo does this too!!! How can I possibly say no when I'm finally getting the respect i deserve 😌
RELATED:
#2
Jocie (she/they) 3 years ago
Same, but I still drain myself to be nice so no one feels as bad as i do
#3
ohjojo (you/your's) 3 years ago
Follow them at a distance and see where they go. Or check their bank statement and see who cashes their checks. That always works for me
Alicia M 3 years ago
I remember how genuinely stunned and disappointed my son was when he realized adults don't get off work for Summer break.
UnknownKid 3 years ago
Going to work without pants and eating donuts for lunch the perfect job
#4
Dana Ondráčková 3 years ago
How do you raise a kid who puts themselves in peace and quiet meditation state...
ohjojo (you/your's) 3 years ago
Peace can be hard to come by. Sometimes we need to protect ourselves
#5
Tabitha Frost 3 years ago
I didn't scroll all the way down and I was thinking "I don't see the problem with this on- OH MY"
Dana Ondráčková 3 years ago
I tried to draweithmy sister rainbow coloured tampons thinking they were crayola And cried because they didnt worked 😂😂
Trophy Husband 3 years ago
If that wasn't used, then that's a great conversation piece that you should pull out and show to her in a decade or two... If it was used, then you find yourself in the difficult position of needing to get rid of the card without the kid finding out...
#6
meow point1 3 years ago
I get the reference, but I still read that to the tune of Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush.
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Agent_fox77 3 years ago
I actually almost did that but I thought about buying a plague doctor mask instead 😂😂😂
#7
Calane E. Vanya 3 years ago
recently, for the first time in many years, I ate chicken nuggets. it turned out they were nasty to me now. surprise, surprise. remembered that different.
#8
Deborah Harris2 3 years ago
My daughter used to sing 'Dig up the Dancing Queen' ... not sure if she thought she was a zombie or what :D
Henry Russell 3 years ago
tjeir was aguy whp did this BGT i saw him he was very funny. (search misheard lyrics guy on BGT)
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
OMG, I'm old! ABBA. My brain didn't even hesitate yet I can forget why I walked into a room multiple times a day...
#9
Alexandria Z 3 years ago
Follows the waiter back into the kitchen where the whole place erupted in laughter.
Philly Bob Squires 3 years ago (edited)
My friend who, at an authentic Italian restaurant, ordered the Pasta Fungool and not Pasta Fazool. I thought the poor waitress was gonna have a kitten from laughing so hard.
Ghaniyah Verma 3 years ago
"What would you like?" "A vagina." "A what?" "You heard me. A vagina."
Phoebe Stein 3 years ago
Cracked me up, and that's why I can't be a waiter at a family friendly diner LOL
Sarcastic and Proud 3 years ago
I used to say Fruck and to this day my parents STILL don't have any idea where I learned it or what it means
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
Well, my almost 2-year-old twins used to say "kiwi" already, but now changed it to "bini" - language acquisition is very weird...
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#10
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
It's from the movie Tommyboy with Chris Farley from like mid to late 90's
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Ava 3 years ago
I answer spam calls by telling them I m a burglar who picked up the phone out of force of habit..." one thief to another, what should I take, the pc or the TV.. cant carry both"
rw55066 3 years ago
If my son did that to my mother she would die laughing
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Alexandria Z 3 years ago
HA ! BINGO. I'd love to be a fly on the wall watching the spammers reaction to that.
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OnAFreakingRollercoaster 3 years ago
Especially when you have absolutely nothing to do with said uncle and family. How was I supposed to know 🤷🏼♀️
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Mary Jeffries 3 years ago
I get in the car and turn it on. Doesn’t work great on toddlers but about 5 and up, it’s magic.
Yay Pandas! 3 years ago
I love the Batman voice! I only had the 'MOM' voice when my kids were little.
Michael Largey 3 years ago
When we were kids, our mom didn't know how to drive and had no car. So when she said "Let's go" it was always an adventure to the world outside. When she (almost) learned to drive years later, it meant adventures of a very different kind
#14
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
I feel like everyone should be done experimenting with bangs and colours and parting your hair differently before they have children. That way, when they want to get bangs, you can pull out that grey picture album with the black edge labelled "2010 - the year I got bangs" and you might save them from making the same mistakes. Another upside of the experiments before I turned 30 and had children? I know exactly what shade of blue I want to colour my hair when it turns completely grey.
#15
Booklover<3 3 years ago (edited)
I hate casserole and pie so jokes on this mom. Don't downvote I'm allergic to most crusts.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
Hahaha! I let my kids eat peach pie for breakfast, with fresh whipped cream. Oh, and you eat WHAT at IHOP Karen?
#16
Headless Roach 3 years ago
Repeat after me: They can't blame me for trying. They can't blame me for trying. They can't-
#17
Debbie 3 years ago
I know a much easier way. 0 for one kid and 0 for the other. and me 1 whole M&M.
#18
Lakota Wolf 3 years ago
Xanax is a prescription medication that can be used to treat anxiety or panic disorder. This mom is saying she needs it after her child/children calling her nonstop. :)
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Alexandria Z 3 years ago
Hope they get it today. I seem to be waiting foreverrrrrrr for packages. *sigh
#20
possessedcat101 3 years ago
My mom's friend brought her 2yo over, that kid set a timer and almost called 911 by accident
Domo KO 3 years ago
I work for a bank. You probably have $100 worth of Roblox c**p on your car too.
#21
Agent_fox77 3 years ago
That’s like a grandma trying to give you free money and acting like drug dealers 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
#22
Lisa Freeman 3 years ago
My twins say I ate them tonput them in my belly cause I love them so much
VM37 3 years ago
Try that with a 5,5 YO. How did the baby got there? Is he naked? Does he have any toys? He is swimming in water? How did the water get there? How will he get out? Will the doctors cut you out? Will it hurt? 3 Day later:" I am never geting married or having babies!! Sister can have babies so you can be a granny!!!."
#23
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
My daughter "I don't want to go to art class!" You love it. "No!! I don't want to go!!".... After art class "Look at this!! Isn't it cool!!" Yeah!!
Nikki Hilton 3 years ago
My daughter w/ her 3 yr old son, at soccer. The older two, 6 & 9, are playing happily.
#24
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
I've literally gone to Costco just so they can't fight for 30 min. My oldest never stops talking these days so tablets come with so it is a QUIET 30min!
#25
Larry Face 3 years ago
May I ask what /s means? I see it alot and I don't understand 😅
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#26
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
My nephew gives me the rules as we go and they constantly change and are never the same for the both of us
possessedcat101 3 years ago
While my games when i was little had very specific rules. Do it in a specific order, do it the same each time, and if you mess up you get yelled at
meow point1 3 years ago
Reminds me of Calvin and Hobbes when he made a game that had two rules: 1. Never play the same way twice, 2. Everyone must wear a mask.
#27
LH25 3 years ago
Good question. We got a quarter. That was many years ago!
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#28
shiny shinx 3 years ago
one makes it physically impossible, the other makes it psychologically so
UnknownKid 3 years ago
All she asked for was birth control. She didn't give any specific kind...
#29
Sarcastic and Proud 3 years ago
Mind blown🤯... Then again my parents always made us nap after school or we suffered immediate homework 😱
possessedcat101 3 years ago
My mom tried to get me to sleep each afternoon when I was tiny, but I didn't. She was like "get your hands under the pillow and out of my face or else you'll fly out of this room like a cork!"
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#30
Sharkbait1313 3 years ago
I remember when my daughter was about 6 we were shopping and while in the wine aisle she loudly said " are you getting your medicine again?" There was an elderly gentleman next to us who started cracking up while by face was burning red lol
#31
PandaGoPanda 3 years ago
Sister ran home to tell Mum I was having a fight in the park with a big boy when I was about 8; Mum legged it down the road to see me and the other kid shouting maths questions at each other. I won.
Ashley Spurlock 3 years ago
I rap battle my friends as a joke and.. let's just say some of my friends hate me now-
#32
Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
6. bullying the parents..... at least this is what my teenagers are currently doing!
#33
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
Yall laugh now but it's bittersweet for me. I miss those phone calls
StarlightPanda! 3 years ago
What's really weird is when people call you to let you know that they can't talk at the moment. And yet THEY called YOU. Lol
Wondering Alice 3 years ago
My mum called me last night to say she had sent me a text. The text read - I have sent you a WhatsApp. The WhatsApp read - I will call you tonight. I miss the days when she didn't understand technology.
Agent_fox77 3 years ago
If I ever get this call by my mom when I move out I would just pass away dude. (In sarcasm I don’t actually wish to die)
#34
shiny shinx 3 years ago
kid thought that because there's covid-19, there must have been 18 other covids like covid-1 -2 -3 -4 and so on
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KittyKat 3 years ago
My brothers got harmonicas a couple years ago and I still want to be Mr. Potato head so I can take my ears off.
possessedcat101 3 years ago
When i was 8 my dad gave me a harmonica. We both loved it. But my grandma and cat? Not so much.
oblong mongoose (they/them) 1 year ago
you know what worse? when a kid comes through the door with a recorder in their hand, beaming proudly
Agent_fox77 3 years ago
😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐my family is free besides there is like 2 teenagers 2 toddlers 2 dogs and 2 parents…
Erjenn Rejano 3 years ago
My dad bought me a karaoke mix that echoed. He later regretted it and he got a stern talking -to by my mom and grandma
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possessedcat101 3 years ago
My mom should've considered this when she took me to Yosemite, on a hike, 5 miles each way, 6 hours of the day spent climbing- and I was just 11
Sarcastic and Proud 3 years ago
I had a FAT chiwawa that would walk half a block then insist on being dragged back🤦🏻
CouchChihuahua 3 years ago
My chihuahua (pls note the spelling) would happily walk for an hour, I feel very lucky for two reasons as I read this comment. 1: I have an active chihuahua and 2: I can spell chihuahua.- a certain couchchihuahua
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#39
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
As far as my nephew is concerned, McDonald's is only open certain days of the week and it changes every week
#40
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
I once wanted to jumpscare my mother when I was about 10 or so. I put a stuffed jacket and a basketball with my hat in my desk chair (it was visible through the open door) and hid in the 1sqm space on the floor right next to my bed. I waited for my mother to come say "I" should be in bed already, not at my desk. I waited a while, and woke up the next morning, having slept rolled up in that tiny spot, and my mother didn't even know what she'd missed...
#41
*Displayname*=idk 3 years ago (edited)
Me: "Who farted!?" _________ siblings5: *SUPER SNIFF 1000!* _____ Sibling4:the one who smelt it delt it! ______ Sibling3:The one who said the ryme did the crime!
CouchChihuahua 3 years ago
Whoever put the blame did the shame, whoever pointed the finger did the zinger….
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#45
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
Don't know why you got downvoted. If you cry because your (I assume alcohol) bottle is empty, it's not great. No grown-up crys when they've just finished a bottle of milk or cocoa.
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harpling 3 years ago
My dad told my sister she was sent down from Heaven, my brother that he was picked out of a vending machine, and then he told me that he sent away for a kit.
Heidrance 3 years ago
if you were assembled from a kit, does that mean you can blame anything they view as a "problem with you" on the assembler?
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Chloe Restat 3 years ago
In the second grade, my friend told me they crawled in through your windows, and that baby-proofing your house meant you were trying to keep babies out.
Agent_fox77 3 years ago
😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐ok if you ever see this stuff I just wanna let you know if you have kids. Don’t let them see the sign they could be traumatized for life.
#47
OnAFreakingRollercoaster 3 years ago
There's no such thing as vacation once you are a mother 😏
#48
Meaghan Stewart 3 years ago
Yeah that’s how the parent in question crashed into the passenger side of my pregnant mom’s (me) car.
#49
NoCleverName 3 years ago
I put a zip tie or rubber band around the bottom of the pump. 6yo still pumps the same 10 times but only gets 1/4 as much now.
Shyla Bouche 3 years ago
Sadly, I bought the cheap refill, which has the texture of water. It takes about four squirts to get even the smallest amount of leather.
Sarcastic and Proud 3 years ago
Tell them the soap goblin will come get them if they use more than 1 pump
#50
Deborah Harris2 3 years ago
You will miss those little fingerprints when they grow up .. trust me x
#51
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Robert Trebor 3 years ago
Or a milk container with less than a teaspoonful left in it back in the refrigerator.
Sarah Monk 3 years ago
Rigs not just kids I caught my mother doing it but I might forgive her she is a wonderful 89 😂
#53
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Moodles 3 years ago
They just stand there, 6 inches (15cm) from your face, and silently stare at you which, for some weird reason known only to toddlers and ghosts, wakes you within seconds. Little weirdos
Sharkbait1313 3 years ago (edited)
I had rolled my daughter's hair in fabric strips so she could have curls the next morning and when I woke up to her silhouette next to my bed I thought it was Madusa coming for me....
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
I moved in with my now husband when his daughter was about 1 1/2 yo. Imagine when YOU don't actually have children and aren't used to it, but his child comes over every second weekend, and then, in the middle of the night, stands at the foot of your bed quite silently, long hair covering her face... I actually had nightmares of something being in the room for quite a while...
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Wondering Alice 3 years ago
Went with my sister and her kids to the zoo when they were small. Somehow, we missed the meerkats. It was raining and we were tired and it was half an hour back - but I carried the 5 year old back as quick as I could. His eyes opened in wonder as he shouted "look, look - a snail" a crowd of little ones surrounded him to share in the glory of the snail while me and the other adults avoided eye contact.
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Spittnimage 3 years ago
My mom, my son, and I went to a restaurant for lunch. My son (11) smirked thru the whole meal. When we got in the car he asked if I liked my Coke, I said yeah, why? He said he put salt in it every time I looked away.
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Headless Roach 3 years ago (edited)
Oh stop showing off you can, will you. *angry upvote*
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Deborah Harris2 3 years ago
5 second rule ... it does depend on if you have dogs though ... could involve wrestling three fat dogs for it :)
JoJo Anisko 3 years ago
Also depends on the food. Mashed potatoes - do not eat AT ALL . M&MS - just keep track of where they rolled.
Load More Replies... BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
After you see your kid straight up lick the floor, the battle is over. You have lost. It's good for their immune system anyway.
Ashley Spurlock 3 years ago
I'm the 4th, I eat the s**t my friends don't at lunch. Even the f****n pizza crusts. (I regret my life choices)
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Wondering Alice 3 years ago
Child in class was telling us the other day about how all the adults in her house put in head phones when she gets home because, adult stuff. Her simple story took about 20 to explain (but felt like hours) and ended with only grandma ever listens, and she is deaf. I'm usually sad at parents not listening to their kids, but for this one I'm not judging.
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Upstaged75 3 years ago
The Threenager is possibly one of the worst stages of childhood. Previously sweet toddlers suddenly lose their minds over everything and become a cross between the Terrible Twos and a 16 year old girl with PMS. :)
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Atchaco-Leigh 3 years ago
Unless said teen has an extremely fast metabolism. i.e. most of my family need to eat 4 meals a day. 8am, 1pm, 6pm and then again at 10om before falling asleep. Even then some of us might wake up hungry at like 2am and make pizza.
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Brenda Greene 3 years ago
My youngest is 16 and I'm still sleep deprived....mom of a band/theater kid.
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(She/her)Introverted Potato 🥔 3 years ago
Approximately 3 seconds after they tell you that your beautiful
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*Displayname*=idk 3 years ago (edited)
Accurate. A little trick though. My mom always told us that when she wakes up it is chore time. So everytime we would try to keep her in bed.
Avocado Toast 3 years ago
Actually that's smart. The mom could get a nice lie-in because the kids don't want to wake her up
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possessedcat101 3 years ago
I've never seen fruit snacks on the ceiling but I have seen a 6yo stick mochi squishies to the ceiling fan
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Headless Roach 3 years ago
If your daughter is under 10, I'd like to ask - how is that working for you, dear?
Dagny White 3 years ago
I started doing my own laundry and packing lunches when I was about 5, and all of my middle school friends can barely make a sandwich or make toast.
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Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Or money. Remember, teachers don’t get paid enough for what they do.
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BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
Coffee gift card. Best presents I get as a teacher are coffee or tea related
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qUeenLiz 3 years ago
My parents once found $1500 cash that they thought had been stolen under my sister’s car seat.
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Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
Ehm... Do people really have to pull out tablets and snacks to take a shower? My twins aren't even 2 and can keep themselves occupied in their room (baby gate closed) while I take a shower in the morning. They're in a safe space with lots of toys and books! They cried some times when I first tried it, but you have to teach them to respect the times when you just can't be there! How have y'all not gone to buy cigarettes yet if you actually don't have 10min to yourself from time to time?!
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Cara Vinson 3 years ago
I could use a job. I know when the trash is full and I only need 100k per year and can work remotely.
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Phoebe Stein 3 years ago
Just dents!? I remember once I kicked a hole through the wall as a kid!
Lowrider 56 1 year ago
Me and my cousin were horse playing in my living room, he fell into the wall and put a hole in it about 3ft round. That was not a good day.
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Lizzy Abbey (she/they) 3 years ago
just buy plushies and wait for the dog to find them and sleep with them. Then the kids will be quiet with the dog as they sleep. Its super cute.
Clare 3 years ago
Really? Our dog kidnaps stuffed animals and holds them for ransom. (Cheese, fried egg, lunch meat, etc.)
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Robert Trebor 3 years ago
What's wrong with that? Any single guy enslaved by laundromats would be envious.
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Elladine DesIsles 3 years ago
Ugh, my 11yo currently giggles like mad every time I use the word "come." As in, "Would you come here please?" or "After my package comes." Don't even try talking about most team sports or small, hard-shelled foods that grow on trees...
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Upstaged75 3 years ago
My younger brother's second kid is an overly dramatic terror. My mom says that's his punishment for his own childhood when he terrorized her. LOL!
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Lizzy Abbey (she/they) 3 years ago
what is her profile pic? sorry let me rephrase that, WHERE CAN I GET THAT FILTER
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Wondering Alice 3 years ago
Worked in a school where kids had to evaluate their own work with what went well (WWW) and even better if (EBI). One kid gave me a (to be fair quite good) picture of a dragon captioned: WWW, there is a dragon, EBI more dragons. This was high school, and it was a maths test, but still..
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Catherine Miklavic 3 years ago
Was it good? My daughters heard about garbage cookies and came up with thier own idea of what that meant.... best freaking cookies ever
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Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
I sometimes accidentally turn the baby monitor off in my sleep... I have no recollection of pushing the button (you have to hold the button to turn it off), and it's standing a meter away from my bed, but I wake up from the faint crying from two doors down and the monitor is off. I'm sure we have very mean ghosts, I've never felt worse about sleeping a few minutes longer!
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Julie 3 years ago
That looks like a 2 dollar bill. I once had a cashier tell a customer we couldn't accept one because it wasn't real money. I let him know it was real and said, "Do you know how much that's worth?" "How much???" "Two dollars."
BasedWang12.7 3 years ago
I've had this happen... Dude called the manager who chuckled at him. Me and my pops still go get stacks of $100 worth of $2 bills at the bank just to give as tips and see the looks people give.
Load More Replies... karen snyder 3 years ago
I'll take the down votes, but I have to call it: Those notes were definitely not written by children. And, judging by how bad they are at faking it, I wouldn't be surprised if this person doesn't even have children.
Andrew Pugg 3 years ago
She hasn't said how old the children are so they could be real notes
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What do you think ?
Lewis Fisher Wells 3 years ago
yeah I kinda hate these their the millennial version of wife bad jokes like some of them are pretty much indistinguishable to them like mommy juice like you need to drink to deal with your kids thats sad you shouldn't have had them
Lewis Fisher Wells 3 years ago
yeah I kinda hate these their the millennial version of wife bad jokes like some of them are pretty much indistinguishable to them like mommy juice like you need to drink to deal with your kids thats sad you shouldn't have had them
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