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While the internet is usually a place for arguments and various opinions, it has long agreed upon its ruler (the cats) and the funniest people around (the dads). However, everyone who is in charge must be challenged from time to time, and it's only natural that cats will be exchanged for dogs and dads… Well, for moms! And very, very rightfully so! As you're about to see, we've gathered a list full of mom jokes (this time, mostly from Twitter), and they are much more sophisticated, high-brow, and hilarious than those labeled as dad jokes. So, why not make a power shift and name moms as the funniest people to read tweets of?

But just why are these funny mom jokes from Twitter so good, you ask? Well, for starters, it's that they are highly relatable. And not to moms - to anyone, really! Another thing is that these cool jokes are basically without any filters. If moms have something to say, they say it how it is, and we do tend to find life's truths to be the most ridiculously funny thing. Also, moms saw you when you were in your nappies, and since you are all grown up now, they can share all the funny stories that they wish. So, although you probably won't find a funny mom tweet that came from your own mom listed here, you can be pretty certain they are about you, too.

Now, ready for the hilarious jokes? If so, scroll on down below and check them out. Be sure to rank the best mom jokes by giving them your votes, and share this article with your mom - she might find these cool jokes just too ridiculous! 

#1

SnarkyMommy78 Report

UKGrandad
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not that smart. A queen or king is addressed 'Your Majesty'. Highness is for lesser royals. Yes, I'm kidding.

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OnAFreakingRollercoaster
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My 5yo does this too!!! How can I possibly say no when I'm finally getting the respect i deserve 😌

PandaAngel
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WRITE THAT DOWN! WRITE THAT DOWN!

Sportsgal
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Record that on your cell phone and show it to her as a teenager.

UnknownKid
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Smart kid...take notes everyone

RELATED:
    #2

    BunAndLeggings Report

    Jocie (she/they)
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same, but I still drain myself to be nice so no one feels as bad as i do

    #3

    oneawkwardmom Report

    Desert Panda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Work from home, I do this daily!

    ohjojo (you/your's)
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Follow them at a distance and see where they go. Or check their bank statement and see who cashes their checks. That always works for me

    Alicia M
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember how genuinely stunned and disappointed my son was when he realized adults don't get off work for Summer break.

    UnknownKid
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Going to work without pants and eating donuts for lunch the perfect job

    UKGrandad
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where do you apply for the job? You want to take your toddler's job? You're a monster.

    Timbob
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I actually don’t see a lot of women walking around without pants.

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    #4

    kindofsquishy Report

    Dana Ondráčková
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How do you raise a kid who puts themselves in peace and quiet meditation state...

    sanstheskeleton
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    did he fall asleep? cause i know the feeling

    Agent_fox77
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hey yo is that a halo helmet?! If so count me in!!!

    Cris B
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This kid will go places

    Dani Pret
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Soooo cute and hilarious 😂

    ohjojo (you/your's)
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Peace can be hard to come by. Sometimes we need to protect ourselves

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    #5

    Dempster2000 Report

    KittyKat
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

    Tabitha Frost
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I didn't scroll all the way down and I was thinking "I don't see the problem with this on- OH MY"

    Headless Roach
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Warm, sincere and gets the job done.

    Dana Ondráčková
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I tried to draweithmy sister rainbow coloured tampons thinking they were crayola And cried because they didnt worked 😂😂

    Deborah Harris2
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now he has to love it lol :)

    Trophy Husband
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If that wasn't used, then that's a great conversation piece that you should pull out and show to her in a decade or two... If it was used, then you find yourself in the difficult position of needing to get rid of the card without the kid finding out...

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    #6

    SunsetSoFresh Report

    James016
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is the way she goes to the store.

    meow point1
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I get the reference, but I still read that to the tune of Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush.

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    Schtroumphette Zezekof
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This one may be more effective than the covid ones

    Ziggyc
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love the way she thinks

    Seedy Vine
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It really does work with the rest of the outfit!

    Agent_fox77
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I actually almost did that but I thought about buying a plague doctor mask instead 😂😂😂

    Grace and Lucy
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Doubles as protection against the morning grapefruit squirt.

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    #7

    KatieDeal99 Report

    Amber The bear
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well she definitely wasn’t McHappy

    ThisIsMe
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like she has a future in marketing...

    tom novy
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    chicken nuggets are the best part of a happy meal

    Calane E. Vanya
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    recently, for the first time in many years, I ate chicken nuggets. it turned out they were nasty to me now. surprise, surprise. remembered that different.

    #8

    ElizaJaneAgain Report

    Deborah Harris2
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My daughter used to sing 'Dig up the Dancing Queen' ... not sure if she thought she was a zombie or what :D

    Henry Russell
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    tjeir was aguy whp did this BGT i saw him he was very funny. (search misheard lyrics guy on BGT)

    Craig Reynolds
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OMG, I'm old! ABBA. My brain didn't even hesitate yet I can forget why I walked into a room multiple times a day...

    KT
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to sing the french chorus to Lady Marmalade when i was kid around my french mom. The 70s were fun

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    #9

    pro_worrier_ Report

    Alexandria Z
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Follows the waiter back into the kitchen where the whole place erupted in laughter.

    NY Redneck
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll have what she's having..

    Philly Bob Squires
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My friend who, at an authentic Italian restaurant, ordered the Pasta Fungool and not Pasta Fazool. I thought the poor waitress was gonna have a kitten from laughing so hard.

    Ghaniyah Verma
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "What would you like?" "A vagina." "A what?" "You heard me. A vagina."

    Phoebe Stein
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cracked me up, and that's why I can't be a waiter at a family friendly diner LOL

    Sarcastic and Proud
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to say Fruck and to this day my parents STILL don't have any idea where I learned it or what it means

    Pizzagirl 91
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, my almost 2-year-old twins used to say "kiwi" already, but now changed it to "bini" - language acquisition is very weird...

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    Allan Breum
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "This lasagna tastes fishy..."

    Steve Robert
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And when she's older, she might ask for a penis colada

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    #10

    IDontSpeakWhine Report

    Deborah Harris2
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is Fat guy in a little coat a song? :)

    Benita Valdez
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's from the movie Tommyboy with Chris Farley from like mid to late 90's

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    Ava
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I answer spam calls by telling them I m a burglar who picked up the phone out of force of habit..." one thief to another, what should I take, the pc or the TV.. cant carry both"

    MrLefty303
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Understood everything in this post. LMFAO

    Jennifer Norton
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In case any one was wondering this is parenting done right!

    emma malcolm
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    and then the one time you realise that its your mother🤣🤣🤣

    rw55066
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If my son did that to my mother she would die laughing

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    Alexandria Z
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    HA ! BINGO. I'd love to be a fly on the wall watching the spammers reaction to that.

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    #11

    KateOfHysteria Report

    Libstak
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those nails are done so neatly, a future in manicures...

    Lisa H
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seriously, that dog looks straight fabulous now!

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    Izzy Curer
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They did a fabulous job. What are you complaining about?

    Nikki Mondor
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those are FABULOUS nails…good job kid!

    Seabeast
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The dog is probably quite proud of that.

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    #12

    BunAndLeggings Report

    Desert Panda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Better than finding out your brother is her father, I guess.

    LH25
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My half-brother refused to believe that his dad was also my dad for a few years.

    possessedcat101
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had that reaction too when I was little

    OnAFreakingRollercoaster
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Especially when you have absolutely nothing to do with said uncle and family. How was I supposed to know 🤷🏼‍♀️

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    #13

    LurkAtHomeMom Report

    Deborah Harris2
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    30 minutes later * HULK SMASH* ;)

    Mary Jeffries
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I get in the car and turn it on. Doesn’t work great on toddlers but about 5 and up, it’s magic.

    UKGrandad
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I always called 'we're leaving in 5 minutes'. If they weren't ready I just said that I was leaving without them and waited for the stampede.

    O.M.Miki
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    hour later - *Shang Tsung* Your soul is mine!

    Yay Pandas!
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love the Batman voice! I only had the 'MOM' voice when my kids were little.

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When we were kids, our mom didn't know how to drive and had no car. So when she said "Let's go" it was always an adventure to the world outside. When she (almost) learned to drive years later, it meant adventures of a very different kind

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    #14

    momjeansplease Report

    Pizzagirl 91
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like everyone should be done experimenting with bangs and colours and parting your hair differently before they have children. That way, when they want to get bangs, you can pull out that grey picture album with the black edge labelled "2010 - the year I got bangs" and you might save them from making the same mistakes. Another upside of the experiments before I turned 30 and had children? I know exactly what shade of blue I want to colour my hair when it turns completely grey.

    #15

    FoxyWinePocket Report

    Booklover<3
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate casserole and pie so jokes on this mom. Don't downvote I'm allergic to most crusts.

    Lisa H
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Upvote because this post does not deserve a downvote.

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    UnknownKid
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gets upset with the son whenever he lies to her

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hahaha! I let my kids eat peach pie for breakfast, with fresh whipped cream. Oh, and you eat WHAT at IHOP Karen?

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    #16

    mommyshorts Report

    Headless Roach
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Repeat after me: They can't blame me for trying. They can't blame me for trying. They can't-

    KittyKat
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m like this close to doing that with my younger sister who won’t stop whining. It’s SOOOOOOOOOO ANNOYING!

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    #17

    ValeeGrrl Report

    Debbie
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know a much easier way. 0 for one kid and 0 for the other. and me 1 whole M&M.

    Headless Roach
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I didn't even know M&Ms had a singular

    MeMosabe
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My children quickly learned that if they fight over something, then no one gets it. In the case of a single M&M, it would be quickly and totally gone.

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    #18

    Marlebean Report

    Sarcastic and Proud
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    WHAT??!!!!?!!??!?!!!? .... Hi! *runs away*

    PVR
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Upvote for quoting Family Guy. 😃😃😃

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    Nanda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My 2yo its at this fase now -.-

    UnknownKid
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your 2 year old? I'm 15 and still do this 😂😂

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    Lakota Wolf
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Xanax is a prescription medication that can be used to treat anxiety or panic disorder. This mom is saying she needs it after her child/children calling her nonstop. :)

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    Julie
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mother's Little Helper really is a sad song.

    Heidrance
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Sometimes. I get nervous. On airplanes."

    Alexandria Z
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mooooooooooooooooooooommmm What ? ummm forgot.

    Agent_fox77
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I swear when I was young I did that to my mom too.

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    #19

    LizerReal Report

    harpling
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And the dogs are trying to figure out why the kids are now the ones waiting to be taken on a walk.

    ZeroCapacity
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nah the dogs are the kids backup and they take it very seriously

    Agent_fox77
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That dog though, he probably has got the same thoughts 😂😂😂😂😂😂

    SPARKIZE
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i feel i need to pull up a chair just cuz

    Alexandria Z
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hope they get it today. I seem to be waiting foreverrrrrrr for packages. *sigh

    #20

    Lottie_Poppie Report

    James016
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Welcome to my world except my son put my phone into Thai.

    No.
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My cousin was being annoying one year so when she gave me her phone to take a picture of the family, I changed the language to Welsh. No one in the family except me knew how to read it or change it back.

    possessedcat101
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom's friend brought her 2yo over, that kid set a timer and almost called 911 by accident

    Craig Reynolds
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now I understand why every toddler has their own phone...

    Mary Jeffries
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I prefer the pics of one snotty nostril.

    Daman dan
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those are amateur numbers!! My kid did over 1000 on my wife's phone...I wish i was kidding...we share an icloud account. Do you know how long it takes to delete 1000 photos from cloud storage?

    Sabrina Neacy
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I literally laughed aloud. 🤣

    oblong mongoose (they/them)
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    pur mine in dutch once and lost it when i saw "klok"

    Domo KO
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I work for a bank. You probably have $100 worth of Roblox c**p on your car too.

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    #21

    BunAndLeggings Report

    barn owls ️
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    me and my sister so our parents don’t see lol

    ThatRandomGuy
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "hey, honey, you got the m&m's?"

    Alexandria Z
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Then the kid's come up sniffing you. hmmmmmmmm

    Agent_fox77
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s like a grandma trying to give you free money and acting like drug dealers 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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    #22

    GoingByRenee Report

    KittyKat
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    Sportsgal
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I ate you because you asked too many questions! Tee hee...

    Lisa Freeman
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My twins say I ate them tonput them in my belly cause I love them so much

    VM37
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Try that with a 5,5 YO. How did the baby got there? Is he naked? Does he have any toys? He is swimming in water? How did the water get there? How will he get out? Will the doctors cut you out? Will it hurt? 3 Day later:" I am never geting married or having babies!! Sister can have babies so you can be a granny!!!."

    Agent_fox77
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Damn never thought of I liked that.

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    #23

    mommajessiec Report

    BluEyedSeoulite
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My daughter "I don't want to go to art class!" You love it. "No!! I don't want to go!!".... After art class "Look at this!! Isn't it cool!!" Yeah!!

    O.M.Miki
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    UHHHHHH this one hit home. My daughter is now 10 and this still goes on.

    Fussy1
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Info needed. Is said activity in Knotting Hill?

    Nikki Hilton
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My daughter w/ her 3 yr old son, at soccer. The older two, 6 & 9, are playing happily.

    #24

    ramblinma Report

    Raumpfleger
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me too. Totally worth the mess i the car!

    BluEyedSeoulite
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've literally gone to Costco just so they can't fight for 30 min. My oldest never stops talking these days so tablets come with so it is a QUIET 30min!

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    #25

    maryfairybobrry Report

    Tabitha Frost
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My thoughts and prayers go out for your family 😞 /s

    Heidrance
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    lol our teen is 6'3" and our house is an over-250-year-old farmhouse. if he jumped, he'd probably knock his forehead on the top of the doorframe. please do not give him this idea...

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    #26

    ambernoelle Report

    harpling
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And every rule is subject to change at any moment, without any notice given until after you've broken it.

    Benita Valdez
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My nephew gives me the rules as we go and they constantly change and are never the same for the both of us

    possessedcat101
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While my games when i was little had very specific rules. Do it in a specific order, do it the same each time, and if you mess up you get yelled at

    Matt Ronald Slater
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unrelated, but what is the painting called?

    meow point1
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reminds me of Calvin and Hobbes when he made a game that had two rules: 1. Never play the same way twice, 2. Everyone must wear a mask.

    #27

    marascampo Report

    James016
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What's the market rate for teeth these days

    LH25
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good question. We got a quarter. That was many years ago!

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    O.M.Miki
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    give it to her in quarters !

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now's the time to teach her about cryptocurrency.

    Gourdeous
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    50p for an incisor, £1 for anything bigger

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    #28

    oneawkwardmom Report

    shiny shinx
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    one makes it physically impossible, the other makes it psychologically so

    UnknownKid
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All she asked for was birth control. She didn't give any specific kind...

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    #29

    lmegordon Report

    Sarcastic and Proud
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mind blown🤯... Then again my parents always made us nap after school or we suffered immediate homework 😱

    possessedcat101
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom tried to get me to sleep each afternoon when I was tiny, but I didn't. She was like "get your hands under the pillow and out of my face or else you'll fly out of this room like a cork!"

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    Lisa H
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's genius! I'm sharing this with my brother and my SIL to use on their 7 yo.

    BluEyedSeoulite
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm definitely storing this away for when they are older

    Cassandra Wee
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Noted! I need to try this for my 8yr old daughter 😂

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    #30

    KatieDeal99 Report

    Choco
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Calling alcoholism mom juice isn't really funny

    Sharkbait1313
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember when my daughter was about 6 we were shopping and while in the wine aisle she loudly said " are you getting your medicine again?" There was an elderly gentleman next to us who started cracking up while by face was burning red lol

    Screen_Addict
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...that would be in a different type of store

    Craig Reynolds
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hey, hey hey, let's be fair! That's dad juice too sometimes...

    GlamourGhoul
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mom juice is sometimes essential to raising children.

    possessedcat101
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom called wine "mommy's juice" too, when i was 4 years old

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    #31

    Dyonnce Report

    PandaGoPanda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sister ran home to tell Mum I was having a fight in the park with a big boy when I was about 8; Mum legged it down the road to see me and the other kid shouting maths questions at each other. I won.

    New Everywhere
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This will escalate...dance battle coming

    Sarcastic and Proud
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How to end school bullying the right way!!!!!

    Jennifer Norton
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    sounds like a healthy conflict resolution to me!

    DaisyGirl
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All I can think off is pitch perfect but with a whole lot of sass and shade being thrown about

    LeeBreezy
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!!

    Heidrance
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    conflict resolution skills: 15/10

    Ashley Spurlock
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I rap battle my friends as a joke and.. let's just say some of my friends hate me now-

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    #32

    mommajessiec Report

    James016
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My son's number 4 is constantly quoting lines from the Mr Men Show.

    Nik
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    you forgot No: 5 Teen grunting

    Grammarly
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My 8yo brother is permanently at number 4 💀

    Lamalo
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Listening to my two children telling each other Yo Mama jokes in the back seat of the car while I drove them was so "meta" I had to pull over laughing...

    Jennifer Norton
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    6. bullying the parents..... at least this is what my teenagers are currently doing!

    O.M.Miki
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    oh don't worry my son is 12 - it gets worst ;)

    Ace Girl
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My son just discovered "dez nuts" jokes. So yeah.

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    #33

    Reverend_Scott Report

    BluEyedSeoulite
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yall laugh now but it's bittersweet for me. I miss those phone calls

    Domo KO
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why does this p**s me off to my core?

    StarlightPanda!
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What's really weird is when people call you to let you know that they can't talk at the moment. And yet THEY called YOU. Lol

    Wondering Alice
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mum called me last night to say she had sent me a text. The text read - I have sent you a WhatsApp. The WhatsApp read - I will call you tonight. I miss the days when she didn't understand technology.

    Agent_fox77
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I ever get this call by my mom when I move out I would just pass away dude. (In sarcasm I don’t actually wish to die)

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    #34

    KerryHowley Report

    shiny shinx
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    kid thought that because there's covid-19, there must have been 18 other covids like covid-1 -2 -3 -4 and so on

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    #35

    reallifemommy3 Report

    KittyKat
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My brothers got harmonicas a couple years ago and I still want to be Mr. Potato head so I can take my ears off.

    harpling
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The joys of aunthood! I got my nieces kazoos and informed my brother it was payback for that thing he did when we were ten. I've also threatened to teach them trumpet, violin, drums, and Klingon.

    Kathryn Baylis
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just as bad as buying each of them a drum set.

    possessedcat101
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When i was 8 my dad gave me a harmonica. We both loved it. But my grandma and cat? Not so much.

    Nik
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would find a new husband :)

    oblong mongoose (they/them)
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    you know what worse? when a kid comes through the door with a recorder in their hand, beaming proudly

    VM37
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mine got the small mouth one. Much easier to hide from your child.

    Pam Derck
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom bought wooden whistles for my brother and I at a fair and gave them to us right before the car ride home. Thinking about it now, I'm surprised my dad didn't drive us all straight into a ditch.

    Agent_fox77
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐my family is free besides there is like 2 teenagers 2 toddlers 2 dogs and 2 parents…

    Erjenn Rejano
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dad bought me a karaoke mix that echoed. He later regretted it and he got a stern talking -to by my mom and grandma

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    #37

    mommajessiec Report

    possessedcat101
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom should've considered this when she took me to Yosemite, on a hike, 5 miles each way, 6 hours of the day spent climbing- and I was just 11

    Sarcastic and Proud
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a FAT chiwawa that would walk half a block then insist on being dragged back🤦🏻

    CouchChihuahua
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My chihuahua (pls note the spelling) would happily walk for an hour, I feel very lucky for two reasons as I read this comment. 1: I have an active chihuahua and 2: I can spell chihuahua.- a certain couchchihuahua

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    UnknownKid
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now??? You need to know this before you leave the house

    Bad Mole
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Experience is what you get right after you needed it.

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    #38

    BunAndLeggings Report

    James016
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Whenever we go to Brent Cross (North London shopping centre) my son always wants to go to the third floor of Fenwicks. He won't say why just that we need to go there. We know why, it's because he gets to go in a lift (an obsession of his) and that's where the toys are

    O.M.Miki
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this always works ;) I still don't know why lol well i mean i know..but....oh god..

    #39

    IDontSpeakWhine Report

    Benita Valdez
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As far as my nephew is concerned, McDonald's is only open certain days of the week and it changes every week

    O.M.Miki
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i still do that ; it kind of works but now they are at the stage of fine ill just go and they totally do so at the same time - it still works out for me ;)

    #40

    LivKristen Report

    Lee Macro
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It would've been even cooler if he did the pointing Spiderman meme with his toys

    Sportsgal
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As long as he's sleeping, take the WIN! Go watch an adult tv show and put your feet up. 🤣

    Peter Parker
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Which one of the Spidermen is your son?

    Becca Kuehn
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Spiderman's job is exhausting.

    Deborah Harris2
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's copying his toys awwww xx

    Pizzagirl 91
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I once wanted to jumpscare my mother when I was about 10 or so. I put a stuffed jacket and a basketball with my hat in my desk chair (it was visible through the open door) and hid in the 1sqm space on the floor right next to my bed. I waited for my mother to come say "I" should be in bed already, not at my desk. I waited a while, and woke up the next morning, having slept rolled up in that tiny spot, and my mother didn't even know what she'd missed...

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, if he's Spider-Man, he could sleep on the ceiling.

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    #41

    sarabellab123 Report

    *Displayname*=idk
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me: "Who farted!?" _________ siblings5: *SUPER SNIFF 1000!* _____ Sibling4:the one who smelt it delt it! ______ Sibling3:The one who said the ryme did the crime!

    CouchChihuahua
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Whoever put the blame did the shame, whoever pointed the finger did the zinger….

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    Agent_fox77
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ok ummm that never happened to me.

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    #42

    geesweetyeeks Report

    Sportsgal
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    FOUND HIM....RIGHT THERE!! 👉

    Sharkie
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The doggie just got sleepy and is hidden asleep in the bath tub, because it is cold and quiet here. I am sure you did not check there.

    #43

    sarcasticmommy4 Report

    Betta Fish
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And smelling fermented sweat that he's been sitting in their armpits

    #44

    sweetmomissa Report

    Lisa H
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Plot twist: that's actually the mom's username.

    RedPirahna
    Community Member
    3 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

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    Agent_fox77
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Peepeepoopoo is a pig pewdiepie named in Minecraft

    Steve Robert
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Isn't that a song from Bob's Burgers?

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    #45

    thatcarlygirl Report

    Pizzagirl 91
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't know why you got downvoted. If you cry because your (I assume alcohol) bottle is empty, it's not great. No grown-up crys when they've just finished a bottle of milk or cocoa.

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    #46

    mom_tho Report

    harpling
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dad told my sister she was sent down from Heaven, my brother that he was picked out of a vending machine, and then he told me that he sent away for a kit.

    Heidrance
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    if you were assembled from a kit, does that mean you can blame anything they view as a "problem with you" on the assembler?

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    Lisa H
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My sister told me that I wasn't born; I was hatched. My mom told me they found me in the gutter. So, apparently, I was hatched in a gutter. I'm good with that.

    Chloe Restat
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the second grade, my friend told me they crawled in through your windows, and that baby-proofing your house meant you were trying to keep babies out.

    Craig Reynolds
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Saves an uncomfortable conversation.

    Knight522
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parent said they picked me out from a garbage can

    Joni Blinn
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, maybe Blaire Witch babies. That sign is just creepy!

    Agent_fox77
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐ok if you ever see this stuff I just wanna let you know if you have kids. Don’t let them see the sign they could be traumatized for life.

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    #48

    jacanamommy Report

    *Displayname*=idk
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ugh! Yes! [Not a mom but I have 4 siblings!]

    Meaghan Stewart
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah that’s how the parent in question crashed into the passenger side of my pregnant mom’s (me) car.

    O.M.Miki
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    same for when you come home from work - it' s like they have to tell you everything and ask for everything all at the same time you really have to just go pee. (I use to do that to my mom too so i have no one to blame but myself lol)

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    #49

    itssherifield Report

    NoCleverName
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I put a zip tie or rubber band around the bottom of the pump. 6yo still pumps the same 10 times but only gets 1/4 as much now.

    UnknownKid
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I meeeean I cooooulld.....but then I'd be lying

    O.M.Miki
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my kids do this with tissue paper! (kleenex)

    Alexandria Z
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well. You told them that cleanliness was a good thing :-/

    Shyla Bouche
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sadly, I bought the cheap refill, which has the texture of water. It takes about four squirts to get even the smallest amount of leather.

    Sarcastic and Proud
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tell them the soap goblin will come get them if they use more than 1 pump

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    #50

    WrightVtlala Report

    Deborah Harris2
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You will miss those little fingerprints when they grow up .. trust me x

    #51

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    KateWhineHall Report

    #52

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    sarcasticmommy4 Report

    Robert Trebor
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or a milk container with less than a teaspoonful left in it back in the refrigerator.

    Fussy1
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never knew kids do that too??

    Sarah Monk
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Rigs not just kids I caught my mother doing it but I might forgive her she is a wonderful 89 😂

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    #53

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    maughammom Report

    Moodles
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They just stand there, 6 inches (15cm) from your face, and silently stare at you which, for some weird reason known only to toddlers and ghosts, wakes you within seconds. Little weirdos

    *Displayname*=idk
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's either "I puked" or "I peed myself".

    Sharkbait1313
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had rolled my daughter's hair in fabric strips so she could have curls the next morning and when I woke up to her silhouette next to my bed I thought it was Madusa coming for me....

    Pizzagirl 91
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I moved in with my now husband when his daughter was about 1 1/2 yo. Imagine when YOU don't actually have children and aren't used to it, but his child comes over every second weekend, and then, in the middle of the night, stands at the foot of your bed quite silently, long hair covering her face... I actually had nightmares of something being in the room for quite a while...

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    #54

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    youreverydayLN Report

    #55

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    lmegordon Report

    Wondering Alice
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Went with my sister and her kids to the zoo when they were small. Somehow, we missed the meerkats. It was raining and we were tired and it was half an hour back - but I carried the 5 year old back as quick as I could. His eyes opened in wonder as he shouted "look, look - a snail" a crowd of little ones surrounded him to share in the glory of the snail while me and the other adults avoided eye contact.

    Cee
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same. Just with crows

    #56

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    sardonictart Report

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    #57

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    BunAndLeggings Report

    Spittnimage
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom, my son, and I went to a restaurant for lunch. My son (11) smirked thru the whole meal. When we got in the car he asked if I liked my Coke, I said yeah, why? He said he put salt in it every time I looked away.

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    #58

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    mommajessiec Report

    #59

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    mommajessiec Report

    KittyKat
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    M-A-S-S-A-C-H-U-S-E-T-T-S

    Headless Roach
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh stop showing off you can, will you. *angry upvote*

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    #60

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    deloisivete Report

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    #61

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    JennyPentland Report

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    #64

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    KateWhineHall Report

    Deborah Harris2
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    5 second rule ... it does depend on if you have dogs though ... could involve wrestling three fat dogs for it :)

    JoJo Anisko
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also depends on the food. Mashed potatoes - do not eat AT ALL . M&MS - just keep track of where they rolled.

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    BluEyedSeoulite
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    After you see your kid straight up lick the floor, the battle is over. You have lost. It's good for their immune system anyway.

    Gourdeous
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    First kid, homemade purees, careful nutrition, baby led weaning, Second kid, whatever the first drops on the floor

    Ashley Spurlock
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm the 4th, I eat the s**t my friends don't at lunch. Even the f****n pizza crusts. (I regret my life choices)

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    #65

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

    sarabellab123 Report

    Headless Roach
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have an hour to spare. What was she telling you about?

    Wondering Alice
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Child in class was telling us the other day about how all the adults in her house put in head phones when she gets home because, adult stuff. Her simple story took about 20 to explain (but felt like hours) and ended with only grandma ever listens, and she is deaf. I'm usually sad at parents not listening to their kids, but for this one I'm not judging.

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    Danielle Hardesty
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My son has been home for 40 minutes and grunted 3 times....

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    #66

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    #68

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    Nik
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    and tv and wine and snacks and silence and lie-ins.....ok I/m crying now

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    #69

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    Headless Roach
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wait for the next levels, they're even more exciting 😳

    Ted Starke
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ⬆️⬆️⬇️⬇️⬅️➡️⬅️➡️ B A Start

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The Threenager is possibly one of the worst stages of childhood. Previously sweet toddlers suddenly lose their minds over everything and become a cross between the Terrible Twos and a 16 year old girl with PMS. :)

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    #70

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    #71

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    Cindy Brick
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...or any time you just left the store with a toilet!

    Kalikima
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My son has to pee at every single place we go to.. running errands at 5 different places? He suddenly has to pee at every single one. But at home the kid pees maybe once every 6 hours..

    #72

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    Atchaco-Leigh
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless said teen has an extremely fast metabolism. i.e. most of my family need to eat 4 meals a day. 8am, 1pm, 6pm and then again at 10om before falling asleep. Even then some of us might wake up hungry at like 2am and make pizza.

    Clare
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Please tell me your last name is Baggins.

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    BasedWang12.7
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    maaaaaaaan how I miss waking up at 2-3 PM

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    #73

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    Deborah B
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was the kid rearranging their bedroom furniture at 2am.

    Pizzagirl 91
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And then the child falls asleep at around 5, lying on your arm, and your alarm would ring at 5:15...

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    #75

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    #76

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    Brenda Greene
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My youngest is 16 and I'm still sleep deprived....mom of a band/theater kid.

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    #77

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    Jo
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A frozen peas bag does the wonder for me ^^

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    #78

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    Headless Roach
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or with more stories how the day went

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or remind them that they just have to do "one more thing". :)

    #79

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    #80

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    #81

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    *Displayname*=idk
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Accurate. A little trick though. My mom always told us that when she wakes up it is chore time. So everytime we would try to keep her in bed.

    Avocado Toast
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Actually that's smart. The mom could get a nice lie-in because the kids don't want to wake her up

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    #82

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    oneawkwardmom Report

    Headless Roach
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't ask questions you're not prepared to hear answers to.

    Sportsgal
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Saving for later, OF COURSE!!

    void
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    you are lucky its only fruit snacks! ;)

    possessedcat101
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've never seen fruit snacks on the ceiling but I have seen a 6yo stick mochi squishies to the ceiling fan

    #83

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    Headless Roach
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If your daughter is under 10, I'd like to ask - how is that working for you, dear?

    Dagny White
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I started doing my own laundry and packing lunches when I was about 5, and all of my middle school friends can barely make a sandwich or make toast.

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    #84

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    #86

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    ddsmidt Report

    Headless Roach
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't hear you ma'am... Late for work... Battery is dead.......

    #87

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    #88

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    sarabellab123 Report

    Wolfe
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    to be fair, kids think I'm old and I'm 16. their perception is a little skewed

    #89

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    Kathryn Baylis
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or money. Remember, teachers don’t get paid enough for what they do.

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    BluEyedSeoulite
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Coffee gift card. Best presents I get as a teacher are coffee or tea related

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    #91

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    #93

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    Betta Fish
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I literally found a sandwich under my cousins car seat

    qUeenLiz
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parents once found $1500 cash that they thought had been stolen under my sister’s car seat.

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    #94

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    #95

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    Alexi Shorette
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ok maybe 5 snacks, 3 tablets, and 4 baby gates

    Pizzagirl 91
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ehm... Do people really have to pull out tablets and snacks to take a shower? My twins aren't even 2 and can keep themselves occupied in their room (baby gate closed) while I take a shower in the morning. They're in a safe space with lots of toys and books! They cried some times when I first tried it, but you have to teach them to respect the times when you just can't be there! How have y'all not gone to buy cigarettes yet if you actually don't have 10min to yourself from time to time?!

    BluEyedSeoulite
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But how many times did they interrupt you?

    #96

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    #97

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    copymama Report

    Sportsgal
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sooo, what happened the? You slept for 2 days? 😴

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    #98

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    copymama Report

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    #99

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    #100

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    #101

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    _little_old_me Report

    Brenda Greene
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are you talking about your kid or my husband?

    Shyla Bouche
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My housekeeper has this same condition.

    Cara Vinson
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I could use a job. I know when the trash is full and I only need 100k per year and can work remotely.

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    #102

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    PetrickSara Report

    Phoebe Stein
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just dents!? I remember once I kicked a hole through the wall as a kid!

    Lowrider 56
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me and my cousin were horse playing in my living room, he fell into the wall and put a hole in it about 3ft round. That was not a good day.

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    #103

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    #104

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    mommajessiec Report

    Lizzy Abbey (she/they)
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    just buy plushies and wait for the dog to find them and sleep with them. Then the kids will be quiet with the dog as they sleep. Its super cute.

    Clare
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Really? Our dog kidnaps stuffed animals and holds them for ransom. (Cheese, fried egg, lunch meat, etc.)

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    #105

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    #106

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    #107

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    #108

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    #109

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    #110

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    #112

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    #113

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    LurkAtHomeMom Report

    Robert Trebor
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What's wrong with that? Any single guy enslaved by laundromats would be envious.

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    #114

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    sweetmomissa Report

    Elladine DesIsles
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ugh, my 11yo currently giggles like mad every time I use the word "come." As in, "Would you come here please?" or "After my package comes." Don't even try talking about most team sports or small, hard-shelled foods that grow on trees...

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    #115

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    Martin Usher
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Using language like that, I'm not surprised.

    #116

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    #117

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    #118

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    #119

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    #120

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    #121

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    BunAndLeggings Report

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My younger brother's second kid is an overly dramatic terror. My mom says that's his punishment for his own childhood when he terrorized her. LOL!

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    #122

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    #123

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    #124

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    #125

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    Lizzy Abbey (she/they)
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    what is her profile pic? sorry let me rephrase that, WHERE CAN I GET THAT FILTER

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    #126

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    mxmclain Report

    Booklover<3
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I bet it didn't have dragons, or princesses.

    Wondering Alice
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Worked in a school where kids had to evaluate their own work with what went well (WWW) and even better if (EBI). One kid gave me a (to be fair quite good) picture of a dragon captioned: WWW, there is a dragon, EBI more dragons. This was high school, and it was a maths test, but still..

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    #127

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    #128

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    #129

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    Brooke Hoose
    Community Member
    3 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

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    #130

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    #131

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    #133

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    #134

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    #135

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    #137

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    Lisa H
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As long as you don't reveal the ingredients, I'm going to say that looks like a tasty monstrosity.

    Catherine Miklavic
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Was it good? My daughters heard about garbage cookies and came up with thier own idea of what that meant.... best freaking cookies ever

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    #138

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    #139

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    Pizzagirl 91
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I sometimes accidentally turn the baby monitor off in my sleep... I have no recollection of pushing the button (you have to hold the button to turn it off), and it's standing a meter away from my bed, but I wake up from the faint crying from two doors down and the monitor is off. I'm sure we have very mean ghosts, I've never felt worse about sleeping a few minutes longer!

    #141

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    #142

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    Cindy Brick
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    oh yeah... with milk. Now THAT'S nutrition!

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    #143

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    #144

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    #145

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    #146

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    David L.
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You might be able to get away with giving less by using a nice mix of pennies, nickels, and dimes when they’re young and are more impressed by the number of coins they get than the total amount

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    #147

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    #148

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    Sportsgal
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    RELISH the time you have with them 😁

    #149

    Mom-Jokes-Twitter

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    Julie
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That looks like a 2 dollar bill. I once had a cashier tell a customer we couldn't accept one because it wasn't real money. I let him know it was real and said, "Do you know how much that's worth?" "How much???" "Two dollars."

    BasedWang12.7
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've had this happen... Dude called the manager who chuckled at him. Me and my pops still go get stacks of $100 worth of $2 bills at the bank just to give as tips and see the looks people give.

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    karen snyder
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll take the down votes, but I have to call it: Those notes were definitely not written by children. And, judging by how bad they are at faking it, I wouldn't be surprised if this person doesn't even have children.

    Andrew Pugg
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She hasn't said how old the children are so they could be real notes

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    #150

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    #151

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    #152

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    #154

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    #155

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    #157

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    Nicky Hands
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mine is how many bottles of wine will today take 😁✌🏻🤷🏻‍♀️

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    #158

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    #159

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    #160

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