Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, high salaries and breezing by on ‘easy mode’ when you’re a man. No matter your gender, life is challenging. Your purpose isn’t handed to you on a silver platter. And happiness isn’t a guarantee if you don’t strive to move toward it. And there are a lot of things that guys would love everyone to know about what it’s actually like to be a man. Though, sometimes, we’re far too shy to say them out loud.
However, anonymity helps. Internet users have taken to Reddit to share the most annoying things about being a guy, after being prompted to open up their hearts by user u/justjuiced22. The answers, which you’ll find below, are candid and range from the silly-yet-relatable to the more serious. Have a read through the posts as you scroll down and upvote the ones that you agree with or that you were surprised by.
Do you have some thoughts on your mind that you’d like to share with the other readers? That’s what the comment section is there for, Pandas. So don’t be shy, share your own insights about the viral Reddit thread and what these men’s answers say about society, below.
I reached out to fitness expert Jack Bly for a few comments about masculinity, confidence, and men's issues. Here's what he had to say. "I’d say biggest issues that men have to deal with nowadays revolve around their inputs. Social media, TV, music, etc. Most people have inputs that constantly spout negativity and victim mentality. These inputs ultimately dictate their thoughts and as a result of their actions," he told Bored Panda. Scroll down for the full interview with Jack.
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When I'm out alone with my toddler a lot of women look at me as if I'm an anomaly and a lot of guys look at me as if I'm being forced to do this. Like the "oof sorry bro" face.
It's weird that being a good dad is apparently such a rare thing that when I'm fully in charge of my son people assume there's something wrong with me and my partners relationship. I just like spending time with my son and pushing a stroller doesn't make me less of a man.
According to fitness expert Jack, the biggest issue for men is not having a purpose in life. That, in turn, affects all areas of a person's life. " I believe the core of being a good man is in true purpose. Men without purpose tend to be unhappy, depressed, lost," Jack shared his thoughts with Bored Panda.
"Figure out your purpose by getting clear on your values and what’s most important to you. As far as activities go, I’m always an advocate of pursuing good health as that is our foundation for our mind, energy, and mood."
Jack added that he believes there "absolutely" is "a crisis for confidence among men." In his view, the reasons for this are obvious. "Most men have no reason to be confident. 73% are overweight, 80% are in debt, 50% are divorced. The best thing men can do to overcome this is to commit to the journey of self-development and finding their purpose," he said.
The expert advocates pursuing excellence in health, wealth, and relationships. "When you do this, you provide yourself true reasons to build confidence."
Male eating disorders get zero attention.
Bless Andrew Flintoff for speaking up about his bulimia struggles. We need more and we need it yesterday, too many males have been lost to this and it really sucks. You can't find help for your friend because he's male and it's so stupid. This was in the mid-2000s but it's no better today. Everyone can have eating disorders its not just women, and we all deserve support for it
Getting very few/no compliments from my SO. I want to be told nice things about myself too.
I think this depends a lot on the person you are with. Most women I know like giving compliments to ppl they love.
The thread links to the broader discussion of what guys and ‘real men’ should and shouldn’t do, what behaviors are frowned upon by society, and understanding of masculinity leads to a healthy, happy lifestyle.
A short while ago, I spoke about men’s issues and masculinity with redditor M_RONA who gave some great in-depth insights on the topic.
"I think, as men, we need to be more open about our issues and acknowledge the fact that we face some tough [stuff], often imposed on us by other guys. There’s nothing wrong with being honest about what’s bothering us, and I think just being able to talk about some of the issues we face would be a major contributing factor to our general well-being. Something as simple as just asking our friends how they’re doing in life could go a long way!" he told Bored Panda in an honest and open interview.
Dealing with other men. The number of testosterone poisoned, porcelain figurine fragile ego having bastards seems endless.
The assumption that because I am the father that I don't know, or am incapable of taking care of my kids. People ask my wife all the time if she needs to rush home when she leaves the kids with me. I am not a babysitter, I know what I am doing.
Yeah, this is a big one. I gave my number (as the main contact) to my eldest's school and my youngest's childminder, as I work from home and live 5 mins away from both. But they always call my wife first. She works about 30 mins away from the school and childminder.
Not being able to talk about our emotions. Like hello, hi, I am a human being who would like to talk about their problems without the feeling of being judged.
According to M_RONA, one thing that’s happening in modern times is that the term ‘toxic masculinity’ gets taken way out of context, gets used where it shouldn’t, and sometimes misrepresents reality.
"While I absolutely agree that there are many male traits taken to the extreme that have horrible consequences for the people around them, I think the term is sadly being overused to mislabel normal and perfectly healthy male behavior," he explained.
The interviewee noted that it’s often other men who pressure guys into conforming and acting a certain way. This, in turn, can make it very hard for men to be emotionally vulnerable when they need to be.
This might seem petty or dumb, but right now, my fiancée and I are planning our wedding (She's female, I'm Male, we're a hetero couple).
I'm SUPER into the planning. I'm not at all a typical "macho" "cant be bothered with the frills and pomps" type of dude. I'm having fun helping putting together this day for my best friend and I!
Everytime we meet with a vendor they solely talk to her and ignore me entirely, acting on an assumption that she's a typical "Bridezilla" planning this day single handedly and I'm just some Bro she's shacking up with. When I do pitch in, the vendors almost act in an "ooooook, dont worry big guy, leave this to the adults" kind of way. It's more obvious in some than it is in others, but its damn infuriating. It's extremely frustrating and belittling. My fiancée is aware of it, and sticks up for me when necessary.
Like snap dude, you're damn straight I've got an opinion on the aesthetic of our f@#$ing orchid placement, take me seriously!
I hope you're in a large enough city to find different vendors. If vendors don't respect your opinion, they obviously don't want your money. Take it to someone without the outdated gender norms.
Being physically and mentally abused usually means a lot less to people than if it were a girl who were the victim. If the girl's the abuser and you're the victim almost no one will care at all and will almost always shame you for it. And when you try to defend yourself against a female, you're looked at like the monster
My bro is a copper and one of has "regulars" was a body builder who was being beaten by his mrs. He was over 6' and built like a brick shithouse, she was 5'2" and 7 stone sopping wet. Whenever the cops arrived she'd pretend like she was the one being beaten and it never went any further. One day he just said to my bro "mate, look at me. If I hit her she'd be dead". Bro tried really hard to go for a conviction for her, but the CPS wouldn't touch it.
Not being socially acceptable to carry a purse.
Like yeah, I'd love to always have my earbuds, phone charger, deodorant, small cologne sampler, and be able to store my keys, wallet, and phone without either stabbing my legs with keys when the pants are tight or having my phone slip out when I'm getting out of cars with loose fitting pants. I can think of so many things I'd bring in my man purse...
Most Russian men carry a small purse/ document bag because of all the documents/ masks/ chargers etc you must carry. No one thinks it is odd.
“A lot of guys were talking about how, as a man, they found it extremely difficult to talk and be open about their feelings. I think that stems from this notion that men are supposed to be so hardened and stoic that we never let things get to us, and if we ever experience a negative emotion, we shouldn’t process it, we should just bottle it up and 'be a man.'"
According to M_RONA, having a stoic attitude and a hardened mind are “certainly virtuous values” that help in life. But if these values are taken to the extreme and repress any and all emotions, the end result can be very harmful.
“The basic attitude of 'men should do this, and women should do that' is hampering to both men and women, I think, something both sexes are guilty of doing, unfortunately," M_RONA shared with Bored Panda.
"I think we all face issues of conformity and set expectations for what we’re supposed to do, and I guess it’s up to all of us to promote and cheer on people who don’t fit into certain categories that we make for ourselves.”
Honestly, I think the most annoying thing is the competitiveness of other males. Especially when it comes to women. I’ve been out with gfs and some dude will come up and blatantly start hitting on her. We’d make it apparent that we’re together and then the ridicule starts. “You’re with this guy?” “I bet he really sucks at ____.” “I could be better than him.” That alpha male s**t bugs the hell out of me.
I'm 20, have no facial hair, very little muscle mass (barely started working out this year), almost no stamina, kissless, virgin, got slapped at a party recently (by some drunk dude), and I collect action figures (I'm still working on not being too ashamed of this one).
I feel like a total loser sometimes. Like I'm not a real man. It hurts, but at the same time I don't want to try to put on a fake man mask or anything. I guess I'm just too young to figure these things out.
Muscles don't matter, you get to choose when and who you want to share your affection with, and you don't need anyone to tell you that you are awesome, you are! I've been in the Army for 21 years and I've met the biggest douchebags who were muscular egotists (I used to be one of them), people of a slimmer frame, and heavy set people and society focuses on physical attributes over what's most important; your character and how you treat people. As for collectables, I'm 41 and still like them. The times of people being looked at as weird for enjoying pop culture are fading. Those who judge people on their own personal hobbies do not know what they are missing. One of the things that took me almost 20 years to realize is that you have to love yourself first and appreciate the things you love without caring what others think. Do not try to be something you are not just to fit in societie's mold of what you think a man should be. Look for people with common interests and you'll find that there are entire communities of people that love what you love. If you want to get in shape, that's great for health but don't let those attributes define you. Best of luck!
What donkey put this pic? First line says "no facial hair" and a classic ugly and needless shamepic goes up. Not cool Boredpanda! Son, don't worry, you are awesome! Your "real manhood" shines in the next to last line last line. You don't want to be a fake. If you lived here although you are very young and that's about all you might have to wade through, I know several young ladies if that's your flavor, and even a couple of young gentlemen who would adore a date. But, I would advise a visit with your Dr. Get an all over physical. I'm not concerned with anything except the no stamina and the depression. What you are describing here can be as simple as a low vitamin or hormone situation. A young man very near to my heart suffered for years, before a Dr listened. You are not a loser.
Hell, I'm mid 40s, collect action figures, Legos, build models...all of 160 lb. fully dressed...Married to a cute lil sweetheart of a woman for 21 years. She loves oppossums and raccoons and accepts me how I am... love will find you when you least expect it.👍
Trust me there a males out there that has all those things and are less of a man than you are. So don't stress about it
You do you, dude. Be what you want to be, as long as you don't hurt anyone else. If you want bigger muscles, work for it. You want a sexual experience, same. Sometimes you get lucky. It's the human experience.
Don´t worry. Most people at this age doesn´t feel adequate. Try some activities, that will give you a sense of victory, but does not hurt anybody. Maybe mountain hiking? Or, if you are more intellectual oriented - try competitions in writing or drawing...But remember, that your value your value does not lie in these things.
The issue here is the way you feel about this. There are many different types of men. If you want, you can get muscular mass by training. Maybe with a coach and/or nutritionist. Sport gives you stamina (apart from medical problem, of course). But it's also true that self-confidence grows with age. Collect action figures, be yourself, develop your own qualities. They don't need to be physical ones to be valid.
Dude, just be you. As good old dr Seuss says "be who you are and say how you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" - and it's true, I mean, being a geek and into superhero movies and all that stuff was uncool when I was your age and now it's way way more socially acceptable- even if it wasn't you live your life to make yourself happy, not others
Life is just beginning at 20. I'm over 50 and still have a regular D&D game with my friends. My muscle mass is no where what it used to be from a battle with cancer. Single for a very long time and absolutely happy with where I am in life. Whos cares what others think? It's non of your business. Find a group of friends that have the same ineterests and you will find there is so much more to life than being buff and a man whore.
Hey, you're just apart a few years from me and believe me - you will gain the confidence in time. I mean - there is literally NOTHING you should be ashamed of. Be yourself and you'll make yourself, a girl/boy or whoever you prefer very happy that way. Don't try to be THAT bully from high school. No one really like him for his personality.
P.S.: There's nothing like a real man. Not everything you see around yourself or on social media is true. You would be definitely my type just for trying to work on yourself to the point you like yourself and still have love for others around you. :)
Load More Replies...Other people have told you that (that you're a loser). They're superficial. They don't see the really cool things about you and just judge mindlessly. On a side note, drunk people just suck. I recommend you start treating yourself like a nice, supportive older brother would. This helped me a lot with self-esteem issues. Whenever I'm stressed out, the big sister mode kicks in and I can evaluate my problems way more easily. Also, don't forget that your mental, psychological and social development hasn't even ended yet when you're just twenty. Young people have self-esteem issues REALLY often and it does go away with time. Heads up! And good luck with the gains!
You’re a man, m8. That makes everything you do; everything you like; everything you say; masculine and manly. Your manhood is not defined or validated by anything anyone else says or does. You’ve made it. You’re here. Do your thing.
I'm a 56 year old woman with two Captain America shield's on her car keyring, and the Millennium Falcon on her house keyring. Geekery is for life.
I tried to put on a mask for similar reasons and trust me. ITS. NOT. WORTH. IT. Be real. Be you.
some people grow up at slower rates than others... that's okay, don't worry about it, just have more young fun in your prolonged adolescence... the flip side is that you will live 10-15 years longer than these full-bearded, already balding 20 year-olds... count your many blessings! (and you get to keep your hair that much longer before starting to lose it! Enjoy!!!)
Unrelated, but the man in the photo has a very contagious smile. I hope he gets to show the world that grin.
1. Read more to have something interesting to say, if you do not already have something interesting to say. 2. Be interested in the other person as a person, not just as a potential partner. Ask them questions and find out what they're about. Engage them by trying to understand what interests them. 3. Be funny if you can. If you can't, then just kind and considerate will do. Not the whole "chivalry" thing but just stuff like punctuality, noting what the other person likes and getting that, etc.
My friend is 30, he started hating himself because he did not have a girlfriend. We talked a bit, I found out he loves photography, I suggested he just go out snd concentrate just on his photos, sure enough, when he stopped being so hard on himself, he met a wonderful young woman and they have been together for three years now. Doing things to satisfy your curiosity about a subject can put you in the arena with people who have the same interests. Volunteering, taking classes, joining an organization, it will help help you become more okay with you. Heck I joined a native plant society because I had an interest and they hike slowly. Because of my contacts, my name is now acknowledged in a beautiful book on California native plants. Good luck, I think you will do great things
Audie Murphy was a tiny little guy. No one on this planet would say he wasn't a man or wasn't brave because of his stature. Go do what you like to do and try and get good at it. When you're good at something, people come to you. I couldn't grow a beard until I was 40. Don't worry about it.
Dude have u ever seen many skate boarders or muscician or needs? They’re all cool and OFten have no facial hair and are skinny and not tall… that’s not your problem…. And u don’t need to be with the girls who are attracted to that… I suspect that many guys lack attraction for girls in their own achievement ability….. it’s something as women we learn from day one…. I’m sure you have tons to offer but you have to get real abt who you are looking for attention from
Omg I should have proof read 🤦🏻♀️ u don’t need to be with girls who like hyper masculinity ….. there are many who don’t need that… but you need to broaden your search to find love 🙏peace
Load More Replies...you be you, my boys/men have similar issues when dating women, they tell me about it, it helps if you can get an older persons views
being a virgin at 20 is good. it means you are old enough to decide who you want to be with physically, instead of a stupid teen having sx to make himself seem cool
Dude, I'm in my forties, and my wife buys me action figures. There is nothing to be ashamed of about what YOU like (as long as it's nothing creepy/immoral/or will hurt others)
You are a superman! Not every man can be as articulate and open as you have just been. Body hair is a f*****g chore, enjoy your freedom from razors. Collect ANYTHING that makes you happy. People without hobbies are heartless.
So, what are you doing to change these things? Are you actively working on your personality, social skills, grooming, hygiene, health and fitness and the way you dress and present yourself? Women like interesting men who have great personalities and make the most of what they have, attractiveness-wise. We don't like men who whine and feel sorry for themselves, then work themselves up into a state of hatred for women because women stay away from their loser vibes. If you're a total loser, then that is your choice. Women don't like men who are total losers, and why would they? Men aren't owed attractive women simply because they want them. Hard truths, but the sooner you learn them and start working on yourself, the better off you will be.So get to work.
Don't assume all women are after that bullsh*t alpha stereotype. Most of us would prefer a partner who is supportive, kind, and not so busy worrying about leg day to remember to switch over the laundry.
Don't leave it too late in life to realise it's more important in life to do things or collect things that make you happy. They say you should dance like nobody is watching the same is true about doing things or collecting things. No matter what you do there will always be people who love it and hate it. Worry about making yourself happy. I'm 52 and have never cared what others think. I collect things I like, watch cartoons and listen to all kinds of music both modern and old, and happy with it. PXL_202111...65bca1.jpg
Look at the things you are judging yourself by: hair, muscles, strength, sex. These are the toxic male standards for masculinity. You don't need any of those things to be a man. You don't need any of those things to feel good about yourself. The most important thing is to love and accept yourself and have a sense of humour about things. Because the people who make fun of you are the ones who are insecure, and you don't have to be. Action figures are cool. Most of my friends are nerdy sci-fi types who collect action figures etc. They are great people. I bet you are a great person. You seem kind and caring and sensitive and I need you to know that none of the things you are concerned about actually matter. Love yourself. Find good friends who share your interests. The rest doesn't matter. You seem like a cool guy to me.
I was always super skinny and could never grow a beard then I hit my 40's and got broader and my beard finally came in just as it was turning grey (bugger) I'm 50 now and I still have my hair so there's that. Oh and ive been collecting Alien and Predator action figures for decades now and I don't care what anyone thinks, #Geek for life. :D
In all due time. I'm going the route of genderfluid sometime in the near future, and the masculine side of me finds "warrior_male" on tumblr/twitter to be really inspiring. He's such a sweet guy who highlights the best aspects of masculinity. You should reach out to him some time. :) He's very inspirational and has given me awesome advice as well.
No your not too young to figure this out. You are perfect just the way you are - you ARE YOU and only you can do that. NO ONE ELSE. Your needed here because you are you :-)
Be you. If you try to be someone else, you might succeed and that is bad.
Never be anything or anyone but yourself. People who treat you less than or not people you need in your life. THOSE are the people who are hurting on the inside so they have the goal of trying to make everyone else feel the way they do. Find your squad. There's a reason collectibles are a multi million dollar industry...because it's POPULAR. Find whatever you need to be happy with yourself. Leave it to others to do the same. Sending you good and happy wishes!!!
You shouldn't be ashamed if you are happy that is a fact and don't let anyone tell you differently...but 20 isn't too young, 20 is an adult. Don't use age as an excuse because you will blink and be 25 or take a long yawn and stretch and boom you are 30. If you are always waiting to become an adult you never will, just start.
This especially sucks at the moment, what with nearly every male portrayed in commercials having facial hair of some sort, and EVERY dude on TV and movies being ripped as.
I don't know, but that guy's smile is so cute I can't handle it!
Load More Replies...Speaking as a guy who's 45, try not to worry too much about this. At 20, you are still figuring out who you are. Keep collecting your action figures, it sounds like it makes you happy. And don't worry about the facial hair, virginity, or any of that other stuff. Everything happens in due course.
No one gets to define who/what you are for you. If you looked at me(18M) when I was in ‘street clothes,’ you wouldn’t know I have a second-degree black belt in Taekwondo, childhood brain cancer for more than 8 years, or epilepsy for about 18 months.
Get some GREAT friends and all of this won't matter. And before you say you can't . . . you CAN! Find a meet up group, get out, talk to people, and ask people stuff! There's a whole world out there and I'm amazed when someone says they can't meet people!
Sounds like me. I didn't have my first date, let alone anything else, until I was in my 20s. I've always been into geeky "childish" things too. Was 31 when I was diagnosed by the state with Aspergers. It gave me a target to work on, a direction to move forward in. I fit in better (not perfect, never will be) and I'm able to be comfortable with myself and be successful without having to give up any of the things I love; I have a wall of board games, I play D&D, Warhammer, etc., I have hundreds of computer games, and I build things out of foam board just for fun. And I have a partner who loves me and geeks right along with me.
A lot of women actively dislike the beef cake look. There are plenty of women that like men who look like normal people. There are plenty of women that like a skinny build. There are women that are attracted to every physical type out there. It's almost like women are a whole diverse collection of people rather than just clones. This isn't the problem. To get to know women and find ones that like you you have to interact with them. And you have to accept that a lot of them won't be attracted to you, and that's okay. But you won't meet the ones who do unless you are prepared to chat with girls and get to know some. And, OMG, no one cares if you collect action figures FFS. Unless you bang on about it even when you can see someone's eyes glaze over or demand that every woman you speak to also collects action figures, why is that even an issue. Just find stuff that you and the person you are chatting with have in common. You're both in the same place, there's a starting point.
Don't worry about what others are saying, thinking or feeling. You do what makes you happy and the hell with what anyone thinks. You can never go wrong if you always follow your heart.
No facial hair at 20? Combined with low muscle mass, this could be a medical issue. Like Klinefelter syndrome.
Orrrrr maybe not. Come on. He is not the only male on earth without facial hair and 20 is still young. My exboyfriend was the same, low muscle mass and no beard in sight. Don't worry OP, you are not alone and not less 'manly'.
Load More Replies...Walking into a public restroom and getting your shoes stuck to the ground because of all the dried piss on the floor.
Sadly not just a man only thing, particularly in restrooms with Turkish toilets
Meanwhile, British psychotherapist Silva Neves told Bored Panda that toxic masculinity is mostly centered around a “general attitude perpetuated by systemic misogyny” than specific behaviors.
He detailed that at the core of these “distorted ideas” lie things like the notion that men should “always be winners,” shouldn’t feel any vulnerability, and shouldn’t be perceived as weak or soft.
“Men with toxic masculinity usually have negative views towards women's rights (including their rights to the freedom of their own sexuality) and they tend to be homophobic,” the expert said.
“A man with healthy masculinity is the opposite to these traits: someone who is self-reflective, embraces their emotions including sadness, anxiety and crying, a man who isn't afraid of their own femininity and believes that women are equal, and therefore are very clear about respecting boundaries and consent with women.”
Being told that my emotions don't matter. You know what happens when people bottle up their emotions? They either kill themselves or end up on the 6:00 news.
The stigma that every time I talk to a woman I don't know I automatically want to date them. Like f**k maybe I like talking to women because men don't open up about feelings and women actually listen just lookin for a friend man.
It is a "stigma" because it is more or less a rule. All women have had male friends they thought were their friend that turned out to just want to get in their pants. The term "Friend zoned" exist cause of all those men who pretend to be your friend.
Less annoying and more upsetting but: The lack of mental health outreach for men.
i saw and heard some woman in the news just says stuff like: to hell with mens, we are more important, it's our turn. this is just some shitty way to think. it wasn't ok to threat woman like that before but it's not ok to take revenge at those who wasn't even there when all that happen
Shopping for clothes. I've noticed in every clothing store, we have this small corner in the back of the store for our clothes then the rest of the store is 95% female clothing.
You're expected to just deal with a lot of things that girls would get help with.
i agree like if your car breaks down and you call for roadside assistance lone women are given priority like as a guy were supposed to just wait and fend off attackers for hours
Everything in your life is a competition. Every. F***ing. Thing.
All the societal pressure that on you to initiate, fix, pay, provide etc.
Yeah, I hate that men's success is measured by their wealth. Fortunately, my wife and I work the same number of hours, and she actually earns more than me.
Being judged almost exclusively on one's financial stability, in an economy that makes financial stability very difficult to achieve.
I earn enough to pay the bills and look after my kids, with a little left over to add to our savings pot. This should feel like enough, but it doesn't. I feel like I should own a chalet in the Swiss Alps in order to be considered financially successful.
The male stereotypes. Sometimes a guy needs to cry and just let stuff out. Or being strong and doing physical work isn't his thing.
Always being expected to make the first move towards the woman.
for once i would like a woman that likes me to do that myself personally i am scared to make the first move in case i have mis read the signs like i think they are in to me but are just being friendly
Living in fear of being labeled as a "creep" or "pervert" for trying to talk to a girl
Used to be getting random b*ners at inappropriate times. Now, it's not being able to get a b*ner at appropriate times.
We can all relate to this one. If only we had control of our penises!
Being the person to go check out the noise that just happened in a creepy place, to promptly be brutally murdered by some evil demon spirit
I used to work as a security guard supervisor. I had many many men tell me they needed a different job site because the one they were at (usually a new development site) was freaking them out. I never ever berated them, I would talk it out, see how impacted they were and would often pull them off the site for another less creepy site. It’s okay to feel fear, it’s okay to not want to be afraid, it’s okay to feel fear and challenge it and it’s okay to feel fear and invest in a dog to have your back
Probably the fact that we're expected to have the courage to approach women at bars or wherever else, which wouldn't be so intimidating if the perception of said flirting didn't depend entirely on how attractive they happen to find us. We're told "the worst thing she can do is say no" but it feels pretty s**tty when she and her friends straight up laugh as you walk away, or even worse, to your face. As someone fairly middle of the road in terms of looks, it's like "Oh boy, am I gonna have a fun conversation or are she and her friends gonna laugh at me, let's roll those dice!!!" Most of the women I talk to who decide they're not interested are polite about it and I appreciate those people, but some are just mean, and most of us guys aren't quite as emotionless as we're supposed to be. That stuff is a big feels bad.
also approaching a woman and being seen as a creep because they don't find you attractive
Baldness. Some can make it work for them, but most can't.
Trying to shave those damn hairs on your Adam’s apple without slicing your throat open
People saying that men alone with their kids are "babysitting"
We have a toddler and she is the biggest daddy's girl. My husband takes her everywhere alone and as far as he's told me only gets people saying it's very cute. We've lived all over the US and are currently in Texas, and honestly here because people seem to be a lot friendlier and more outgoing than other states he always comes home and says they get lots of smiles. He's never had someone ask if he's babysitting or act like it's abnornal
Never being approached by women. I'm sure it also has to do alot with looks but I can't really change that and multiple back to back rejections make you less interested in trying to initiate, you just feel like a bother at a certain point.
Society's view of what's masculine when you're a straight small male that doesn't try to be super masculine.
People instantly assuming you’re a pedophile when you try to talk to younger girls. Like can’t I just be nice. Girls aren’t judged when they talk to younger guys.
This one is tough. As someone who was a younger girl, a LOT of the older men who would talk to me would start nice, then quickly become a creep as I dropped my guard (talking about my body, asking if my chest was real, creeeepy). This was the majority, I'd actually feel a little surprised if someone was just being nice. I think the bad eggs ruin it for the nice men, this one is really sad. I was a nurse though and it does happen to men too, soo many older women would hit on our male nurses or try to touch them. I would shut that s**t down so fast. Creepy old lady.
I'm in Iran and in Iran, men must perform a 2 years Forced military service after age 18 in a really bad situation and if you don't you can't travel to another country! as a male it's really annoying for me because I don't want to waste 2 years of my life.
Yeah my Russian students try to hide from the army too ( one year forced service) by getting fake letters about fitness issues or staying enrolled in uni till they are 27. I think its a crap system. No one likes it and they can't learn enough to be really effective fighters
Assuming everything doesn't mean anything to me. Like I love my friends and girlfriend, I like my stuff, people don't seem to get that
People assuming youre gay for liking certain things like;
"girly" drinks
listening to Lady Gaga/One direction/madonna (for example)
not liking sports
hanging out with girls
being dramatic Like, its just weird. This doesnt stop me from doing this, but the fact that guys are made to feel ashamed for these things is horrible. (Nothing wrong with being gay, its just not that fun when youre actually NOT gay.)
Other guys being completely disgusting in public restrooms, there's f***ing puddles in front of the urinal, hair on the bottom of the urinal, toilet paper strewn across the place, and they don't flush sometimes even when #2. Gross.
Nobody really cares about your well-being except your mom.
And when you show her affection your are a mommies boy... Luckily I don't mind being one...
Men’s swimming suits. . The mesh on the inside rubs and chafes your upper thighs. The only solution is to either wear speedos (gross) or underwear under my shorts while swimming.
Being told that you are privileged by people with more money and privilege than you.
Not a specific "men only" thing. Entitled idiots don't care about gender when it comes to making stupid comments.
Everyone expects me to lift and carry the heavy s**t.
This is the only area where in general men are of an advantage to women: physical strength. That's just how it is.
Most girls expecting you to pay for everything all the time.
I'm less likely to be offered help.
Probably a bit of a drastic solution, but bring a baby/toddler out with you. Whenever I take my kid out in the stroller, I get help from everyone. People open doors for me, help carry bags, and are more patient with me e.g. when trying to pack groceries in a supermarket.
I do not really like much of anything about it. Male parts kind of get in the way a lot, and I am always worried that they stand out, because if they do then others will find me creepy. Also I sweat a lot! And it is smelly and I do not like that. Perhaps it is strange, but I kind of really wish that I could smell nice! And... I do kind of want to try to wear a dress, but I feel like that would attract negative attention. I feel like everything I want to do is the exact opposite of what would be masculine and I hate it
We are expected to be sex experts. I had sex only once, don't expect too much from me.
It feels wrong to cry. I just finished season 3 of stranger things and cried. It was a good but sad moment.
A real man is someone who's not afraid to show their emotions and let it all out.
Expectations of the society, Which will inevitably and conveniently vary based on the circumstances, and more often than not, once fulfilled, you'd still be largely uncredited for, since that's what Men/guys are "supposed" to do.
Having to make the first move.
This is an evolutionary thing that goes back to the time when Grug hit his preferred mate over the head with his f**k stick and dragged her back to his cave to do the dirty with her.
The automatic assumption that we should be the ones responsible for handling the vast majority of physically demanding, or otherwise difficult or unpleasant tasks in virtually any scenario involving both men and women.
Peeing, then shaking it, even dabbing the tip with a square of tissue...but still dribbling a little piss in my drawers. Also, ass hair.
When you are single you are supposed to be the aggressive but not too aggressive....and that amount varies according to the girl. Some women prefer to be the initiator but that's rare.
Singleness. Wanting something that's out of my reach(companionship). Life would be so much easier if I simply did not want a girlfriend. It's not like women are to blame. I don't resent anyone other than myself for it. But I hate that I want something that is out of my ability to control. It's inconvenient and causes a lot of suffering.
Hearing girls complain all the time how hard it is being a girl. Because obviously boys have everything perfect, and because every problem that only women can fix.
Both genders suffer toxic s**t, but it's not talked about equally. This is your guys thread and your turn to be heard ❤
I have far more body hair than I ever wanted.
Mine just keeps moving south. In another few years I will be bald, but have feet like a hobbit!
Nothing is really annoying, but whoever designed boxers I straight up want to fight them for making such an uncomfortable product
Boxer briefs. Comfortable, and they create a flattering optical illusion.
And this is why feminism is so important for everyone. Most men that I met complain about this issues but they are not aware that they come from sexism and that the solution is feminism, not misoginy. Men, we believe you and want to help you but you need to step up! I know that there are many feminist men but sadly they are still in the minority.
Its also important to notice that most of this issues are about peopel judging you, not legal or physical limitations. Everyone needs to learn to be themselves and not give in the stupid and harmful gender roles. Is society that has the problem and needs to change, not you. There is not a proper way to be a man. You are a man if you cry. You are a man with long hair. You are a man if you like flowers. You are a man if your girlfriend earns more than you...
Load More Replies...Can we normalize being like Tolkien’s men? They were brave, kind, and loyal. They cried and showed emotion. They were never disrespectful to women or each other.
Right? The books are quite sexist when it comes to women (but its a product of the time so its understandable). But it showed an amazing example of positive masculinity for men and boys.
Load More Replies...This is another reason why we all need to work together to dismantle gender norms. They hurt everyone.
Gender norms are exactly that, normal. Nothing wrong with normal, last I new it was normal.
Load More Replies...We need more of these posts. I'd like to add one myself, though I'm not a man, that a friend once complained about. If you are a man and have a female as a best friend you are either thought to be dating, cheating (if you're in a relationship) or gay. It's absolute BS.
I agree. I always had very close male friends and its insane how many people doesnt believe in men and women being friends. Most of my partners friends are women and i love them, why would i have a problem with that?
Load More Replies...One great step would be to stop categorizing between men and women and just putting people being HUMAN before anything else. Creates way less problems, tension and stress in social interactions. Could be the misanthrope in me speaking, but i avoided a lot of problems in life doing it that way
Yes and no. It is important tot alk about our isses separately because they are different. But for the rest of the time I agree, our society should be more gebder neutral. Like why the f**k is my sex on my ID? It's nobodies bussiness (except my partner and doctors)
Load More Replies...Addition: People in online forums assuming you're a privileged, racist, misogynist simply because you're a white male. Nah...you don't even know me. And if you did you'd know that I'm gay, have worked my entire life to be where I am, and am married to an immigrant. Take your toxic assumptions elsewhere.
But you are privileged if you are a white male (in white dominant countries at least). That's a simple fact. You just need to stop thinking that "privileged" is a dirty word, or that it means that you have an "easy life". Your life could be full of challenges, it just happens that the color of your skin isn't one of those challenges.
Load More Replies...The world has not become "Gender Neutral" as long as people with different genders get treated differently or have different expectations placed on them because of their gender.
We should really strive for a gender neutral society
Load More Replies...Sorry guys, but if you are hurting inside, go ahead & spend the bucks to go see a psychologist or counselor. If you can't do this, go for a talk with your pastor or priest, it's part of their job. If you try to talk to just about anyone else, they will look down on you for it. And most of them will eventually gossip on you. A licensed psychologist is prohibited from doing this by law. If he breaks that rule, he can lose his license. If you have severe depression, go see a psychiatrist (but discretely). He can prescribe meds that will help. Don't just suffer quietly being a strong, silent, "Marlboro Man" type. It's not worth it. And there are really good new medicines out there that really will help. It's a manly thing to deal with this in a positive manner. It is not unmanly.
Let's speak the truth: No matter how awesome a person may be, you just need to slap the "ugh, this person is gaaaay" argument onto them to invalidate them. Honestly, the world would be so much better if everyone just let everyone be without that gender stereotype bullshit.
sad to say, there are a lot of judgmental hypocrites out there that love to go around making this accusation & gossip. I know someone at work who was labeled as GAY because he drank hot green tea for the afternoon break instead of a soft drink. This guy was a health food enthusiast. He explained that green tea has all sorts of benefits over carbonated flavored syrup water, but the critics were not convinced. This labeling act is a control thing rather than concern over who they bed down with. They label people to gain control over them. It is also a form of compensating.
Load More Replies...Honestly curious: what percentage of guys believe women when they say they are handsome? I never have and don't think i ever will. Curious if this is just my glitch or of it's a societal idea. And don't say "Jason Momoa is looooovely, so obviously guys can be lovely." Yes, he is totally lovely and i'd love to kiss his belly, but i'm talking about general guys, not demigods :)
I don't. I look in the mirror and know I am 'passable' but when a woman compliments me, I always feel that it comes from wishing to avoid hurting my feelings, rather than being true. I know that -in general- women are talking more about the person as a whole than just physical, but it still comes across as disingenuous.
Load More Replies...The issues the men are talking about here are all results of centuries of patriarchy that kept women subordinate to men. Now men are at the point of suffering from this oppressive system. In order to change the status quo, men are going to have to go through the same mockery, judgment, opposition and obstacles that women have had to go through in order to free themselves. Most of the problems are wanting to feel/behave/be seen a certain way (rather than impingements on actual freedom). The answer every time is to be who you want to be, speak out about the things you care about, and accept that sometimes people are not going to accept your choices. But if they are important, you do them anyway and you speak out, regardless of how other people react.
On public forums like this, or on social media, I see many women who are very supportive of men showing emotions. But in my real life, face to face, with people I know, I've NEVER met a woman who actually wanted to know that I wasn't 100% feeling happy and okay. and any time I've ever shared my feelings, I've never known any woman who felt anything but contempt and a loss of respect for me because I confessed to a moment of weakness, and that includes very close friends and relatives. Women don't want sensitive men who are in touch with their feelings. It's just something they say. They don't want men who feel down, or feel weak, or cry. So it's really no wonder a lot of men get shamed into limiting their emotions.
Then you really did not met thw right kind of women. All my female friends and I want men to be open about their feelings.
Load More Replies...My biggest issue is ingratitude. A lot of women just assume that men pay for everything etc or take care of ‘man stuff’. Its very rare that I've seen women say thank you. I’ve been married for over 20 years and can’t remember the last time my wife said even a thanks or an acknowledgment of my effort. My friends have the same issue. I’m a doctor and my female partners and nurses take each other for granted as well. And yes I pay all the bills. And yes I’m the primary caregiver to our kids in addition to working to primarily support the family. I was taught to say please and thank you from a young age. I feel that a lot of women just take our efforts for granted.
Unfair divorces where men are left destitute and the woman gets everything.
This has got to change. If I were a guy, I'd be kind of scared to get married and have kids. I was shocked by the inequities my hubby had to endure when dealing with the financial and childcare shenanigans his ex pulled.
Load More Replies...Holy mackerel - where do you live?? The women have to wait until marriage to have sex, the men can't say they feel unhappy without a non-disclosure agreement, and a man has to ask permission from his wife to see male friends because she thinks she married a closeted gay man and she can make him straight. Dude, make contacts outside that culture. Outside support will come in handy if you decide to leave and get shunned by your community.
Load More Replies..."I saw a thing happen one time, so that means it's happening everywhere all the time!"
Load More Replies...That sucks and would probably be a relationship breaker? Imagine having no opinion on having a vasectomy though...
Load More Replies...Maybe consider yourself lucky then? Just because you haven't experienced this doesn't make other people liars
Load More Replies...I dunno man, if women are never satisfied with you, what's the common denominator in those situations?
Load More Replies...And this is why feminism is so important for everyone. Most men that I met complain about this issues but they are not aware that they come from sexism and that the solution is feminism, not misoginy. Men, we believe you and want to help you but you need to step up! I know that there are many feminist men but sadly they are still in the minority.
Its also important to notice that most of this issues are about peopel judging you, not legal or physical limitations. Everyone needs to learn to be themselves and not give in the stupid and harmful gender roles. Is society that has the problem and needs to change, not you. There is not a proper way to be a man. You are a man if you cry. You are a man with long hair. You are a man if you like flowers. You are a man if your girlfriend earns more than you...
Load More Replies...Can we normalize being like Tolkien’s men? They were brave, kind, and loyal. They cried and showed emotion. They were never disrespectful to women or each other.
Right? The books are quite sexist when it comes to women (but its a product of the time so its understandable). But it showed an amazing example of positive masculinity for men and boys.
Load More Replies...This is another reason why we all need to work together to dismantle gender norms. They hurt everyone.
Gender norms are exactly that, normal. Nothing wrong with normal, last I new it was normal.
Load More Replies...We need more of these posts. I'd like to add one myself, though I'm not a man, that a friend once complained about. If you are a man and have a female as a best friend you are either thought to be dating, cheating (if you're in a relationship) or gay. It's absolute BS.
I agree. I always had very close male friends and its insane how many people doesnt believe in men and women being friends. Most of my partners friends are women and i love them, why would i have a problem with that?
Load More Replies...One great step would be to stop categorizing between men and women and just putting people being HUMAN before anything else. Creates way less problems, tension and stress in social interactions. Could be the misanthrope in me speaking, but i avoided a lot of problems in life doing it that way
Yes and no. It is important tot alk about our isses separately because they are different. But for the rest of the time I agree, our society should be more gebder neutral. Like why the f**k is my sex on my ID? It's nobodies bussiness (except my partner and doctors)
Load More Replies...Addition: People in online forums assuming you're a privileged, racist, misogynist simply because you're a white male. Nah...you don't even know me. And if you did you'd know that I'm gay, have worked my entire life to be where I am, and am married to an immigrant. Take your toxic assumptions elsewhere.
But you are privileged if you are a white male (in white dominant countries at least). That's a simple fact. You just need to stop thinking that "privileged" is a dirty word, or that it means that you have an "easy life". Your life could be full of challenges, it just happens that the color of your skin isn't one of those challenges.
Load More Replies...The world has not become "Gender Neutral" as long as people with different genders get treated differently or have different expectations placed on them because of their gender.
We should really strive for a gender neutral society
Load More Replies...Sorry guys, but if you are hurting inside, go ahead & spend the bucks to go see a psychologist or counselor. If you can't do this, go for a talk with your pastor or priest, it's part of their job. If you try to talk to just about anyone else, they will look down on you for it. And most of them will eventually gossip on you. A licensed psychologist is prohibited from doing this by law. If he breaks that rule, he can lose his license. If you have severe depression, go see a psychiatrist (but discretely). He can prescribe meds that will help. Don't just suffer quietly being a strong, silent, "Marlboro Man" type. It's not worth it. And there are really good new medicines out there that really will help. It's a manly thing to deal with this in a positive manner. It is not unmanly.
Let's speak the truth: No matter how awesome a person may be, you just need to slap the "ugh, this person is gaaaay" argument onto them to invalidate them. Honestly, the world would be so much better if everyone just let everyone be without that gender stereotype bullshit.
sad to say, there are a lot of judgmental hypocrites out there that love to go around making this accusation & gossip. I know someone at work who was labeled as GAY because he drank hot green tea for the afternoon break instead of a soft drink. This guy was a health food enthusiast. He explained that green tea has all sorts of benefits over carbonated flavored syrup water, but the critics were not convinced. This labeling act is a control thing rather than concern over who they bed down with. They label people to gain control over them. It is also a form of compensating.
Load More Replies...Honestly curious: what percentage of guys believe women when they say they are handsome? I never have and don't think i ever will. Curious if this is just my glitch or of it's a societal idea. And don't say "Jason Momoa is looooovely, so obviously guys can be lovely." Yes, he is totally lovely and i'd love to kiss his belly, but i'm talking about general guys, not demigods :)
I don't. I look in the mirror and know I am 'passable' but when a woman compliments me, I always feel that it comes from wishing to avoid hurting my feelings, rather than being true. I know that -in general- women are talking more about the person as a whole than just physical, but it still comes across as disingenuous.
Load More Replies...The issues the men are talking about here are all results of centuries of patriarchy that kept women subordinate to men. Now men are at the point of suffering from this oppressive system. In order to change the status quo, men are going to have to go through the same mockery, judgment, opposition and obstacles that women have had to go through in order to free themselves. Most of the problems are wanting to feel/behave/be seen a certain way (rather than impingements on actual freedom). The answer every time is to be who you want to be, speak out about the things you care about, and accept that sometimes people are not going to accept your choices. But if they are important, you do them anyway and you speak out, regardless of how other people react.
On public forums like this, or on social media, I see many women who are very supportive of men showing emotions. But in my real life, face to face, with people I know, I've NEVER met a woman who actually wanted to know that I wasn't 100% feeling happy and okay. and any time I've ever shared my feelings, I've never known any woman who felt anything but contempt and a loss of respect for me because I confessed to a moment of weakness, and that includes very close friends and relatives. Women don't want sensitive men who are in touch with their feelings. It's just something they say. They don't want men who feel down, or feel weak, or cry. So it's really no wonder a lot of men get shamed into limiting their emotions.
Then you really did not met thw right kind of women. All my female friends and I want men to be open about their feelings.
Load More Replies...My biggest issue is ingratitude. A lot of women just assume that men pay for everything etc or take care of ‘man stuff’. Its very rare that I've seen women say thank you. I’ve been married for over 20 years and can’t remember the last time my wife said even a thanks or an acknowledgment of my effort. My friends have the same issue. I’m a doctor and my female partners and nurses take each other for granted as well. And yes I pay all the bills. And yes I’m the primary caregiver to our kids in addition to working to primarily support the family. I was taught to say please and thank you from a young age. I feel that a lot of women just take our efforts for granted.
Unfair divorces where men are left destitute and the woman gets everything.
This has got to change. If I were a guy, I'd be kind of scared to get married and have kids. I was shocked by the inequities my hubby had to endure when dealing with the financial and childcare shenanigans his ex pulled.
Load More Replies...Holy mackerel - where do you live?? The women have to wait until marriage to have sex, the men can't say they feel unhappy without a non-disclosure agreement, and a man has to ask permission from his wife to see male friends because she thinks she married a closeted gay man and she can make him straight. Dude, make contacts outside that culture. Outside support will come in handy if you decide to leave and get shunned by your community.
Load More Replies..."I saw a thing happen one time, so that means it's happening everywhere all the time!"
Load More Replies...That sucks and would probably be a relationship breaker? Imagine having no opinion on having a vasectomy though...
Load More Replies...Maybe consider yourself lucky then? Just because you haven't experienced this doesn't make other people liars
Load More Replies...I dunno man, if women are never satisfied with you, what's the common denominator in those situations?
Load More Replies...