25 Things That Are Casual And Common For Women In Relationships, But Almost Never For Men
Interview With Expert
Probably it’s no surprise that often men and women are being treated differently in their relationships. Of course, not always it is an issue - it depends on what a person is expecting from their partner, how they want to be treated and what actions or behavior are important to them. However, while we have a few ‘norms’ that are engraved in society and still followed by many, what are the roles of men and women in relationships, I think it’s safe to say that it’s finally changing.
So speaking about that - one Reddit user created a thread online asking netizens to share things that men don’t really get to experience in relationships while women do. Needless to say, folks online shared their personal stories and listed things that they did for their partners that were considered unusual and how they made them feel.
More info: Reddit
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I sent my husband flowers, at his workplace, on his birthday once. Then I kept thinking,I wonder if I had done the right thing. He was the boss and maybe his staff would rib him about them but he came home absolutely thrilled.
He said the female staff members are always getting flowers but he was the only male who had gotten any.
I am not a huge flowers kind of person. I don't expect them and it doesn't occur to me to buy them but I was walking past a florist recently and they had a beautiful rose bouquet out the front which I bought for my husband on impulse. He was SO happy to receive them that I wished I had been buying him flowers all the time forever. It will definitely be a more regular thing in the future :-)
My bf borrowed one of my baggy hoodies last week to take our trash out real quick. When he came in, he said how this must be how girls feel when they steal their bf’s hoodies; he didn’t wanna give it back 😂.
“Women have a stronger need for connection. Their brain's connection center is larger and they are more wired for connection and togetherness,” shared Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT, personal development and relationship expert, who is also the founder and director of Metropolitan Marriage and Family Therapy, PLLC, with Bored Panda.
She added that women have a stronger sense of 'We' and operate more to take care of the whole and others. “Where men are more 'Me' focused and are wired more for independence.”
Not a relationship but friendship. My friend brought me salt and chocolate from Europe, and that s**t meant so much to me. I've never received a gift from a friend for no reason before. The fact that she was thinking of me when buying gifts just makes me feel lucky.
I will treasure our friendship till the day I die lol.
For example the other day I brought a little lunch box and a handwritten card to work for my boyfriend. He texted me right away saying this is first time he got a card, how touched he was, how happy he was. (Mind you, this guy had a certain number of girlfriends.)
Little did I expect it to also be a shared experience - a video call with him next morning with all his friends pushing in the screen telling me how happy he was last night and how they all enjoyed my food.
Emma K. Viglucci explained that women are more sensitive to safety issues and need for security. “They are usually more verbal processors and circular in their thinking—men are more internal and linear—so women need to talk about their concerns to better understand what is happening for them.”
Speaking more about the distinctive experiences that women frequently face in relationships, which men may not typically encounter, the expert noted that their feelings get dismissed more because they are considered emotional and less logical and significant. Because of these stereotypes, they also frequently get mansplained at.
Moreover, women face more expectations and judgment about their weight, fitness, grooming, clothing and appearance. “They are expected to know more about caretaking and nurturing, and maintaining relationships, social calendar, and gifting.”
When i was with my ex, we took a vacation and i LOVED taking pics of him. I remember when he was looking through some of the pics, and he said “ive never had anyone take pictures of me like this” and he just looked so genuinely happy.
I'm not very photogenic though...more like a gremlin under a bridge lol
However, on a good note, we asked Viglucci if she has observed any shifts or change in these dynamics over recent years due to evolving gender roles and expectations—“Absolutely!”
She noted that men have become more open, expressive, nurturing, more involved in domestic matters and in relationship nurturing, more open about their insecurities, and more receptive and open to women's intelligence and financial contributions, to name a few.
I sent my boyfriend flowers, just because I love him, and miss him, no special occasion.
I wrote a card in his native language (with some help) and he thought at first that it was either the church he affiliated or maybe his parents. When he read the card and realized it was me, he was very happy and said it was the first time he got flowers (ever).
Never seen a brighter smile.
Guys deserve flowers too!
I think that writing it in his native language was probably equally or more a show of love. Kudos to this person.
Regular compliments, men dont get them often. In fact I still remember a girl who complimented my eyebrows nearly 10 years ago 😭.
Finally, speaking about misconceptions that people might have about these experiences, Viglucci emphasized that in her work, she notices most that partners still may not fully line up in terms of gender role expectations—one might be more old fashioned and the other more progressive.
“They might both have expectations line up more traditionally in some areas, but not others, creating confusion for the couple and potential conflict,” she shared. “This shows up the most in division of labor in the home and shared responsibilities, and finances.”
I drive 2 hours to visit my girl for a few days when I get off work around 10pm and she gives me gas money. I almost started crying the first time lmao.
I had a gf that would defend me (or rather my oppinions/ decisions) against others at any cost. Even when I knew she'd disagree personally.
When I asked her why, she basically said "You are my man, and I want evrybody to know that you are the best thing that can happen to anybody. So they need to know that I stand 100% behind you." I found that a little odd, but it was a great feeling to have someone that has your back this way. She never spoke bad about me and would always tell anyone how great I was.
Just once, I'd like to know what it is like to have someone have my back. Everytime my friends need me, I'm there. I support them. I check in on them when they are having troubles. I stand up with them when they take a stand. But me? When I stand and look around, everyone is ducking their heads and pretending not to notice. Just two days ago, I got some really bad news. It hit me so hard I was literally crying in my office. The week before, my friends all insisted they were there for me and support me. So I told them about the news. I got one person who essentially went 'that's not a big deal, I'd just do (this)'. A solution, by the way, that if they actually listened they'd know doesn't fix anything. But that was it. One person dismissing me and my problems as unimportant, and no one else spoke up. So much for supporting me.
And what about you guys? What are some things that, in your opinion or experiences, women experience in relationships, but men, less so? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
I always get the better thing. If we're at a show or sporting event, he gives me the better seat. If we split something, he makes sure I get the better half, I get the better plane seat, etc. I try to let/force him to take the better option but he will not under any circumstances accept it. This could be an age thing though. We're 44 and 46.
Edited to add, I do most of the cooking so when I plate our food, I will give him the better looking plate. He doesn't know though so he doesn't know what it's like to experience.
I am so unused to gifts that I actually don't like receiving them.
People recognize the effort that moms get, but in 10years of being a dad. Only my own dad has recognized my effort.
I’ve never received a heartfelt, thoughtful gift. I’ve always gotten the stereotypical man gifts (e.g. socks, ties, a shirt).
It’s peculiar to me because I have so many interests. I love watches, hand tools, motorcycles, hiking, reading, computers, etc.
Being pursued or complimented. I dated quite a bit when I was younger and have been married 6 years. I have no clue what any of these women liked about me. About 4 years into our marriage I asked my wife (admittedly not a super eloquent person) and she said a few things but they were all things I do and not things about me.
Unprompted affection. Security. The extreme luxury of not having to make the first move and potentially putting your reputation on the line if that move is unwanted, because men won't accuse you of being a creep unless you are literally threatening them with violence, doxxing, or stalking them, they'll be grateful you see them in that way but decline if they're not interested. Women however will accuse you of being a creep for simply being socially awkward but still showing interest.
I think it's the guys who won't take "no" for an answer that have ruined things for other men. When a woman has been pressured or followed or stalked, their instinctive reply to unwanted attention becomes defensive. It's a way to protect themselves if there's a chance things could go sour. It's not the fault of someone who's socially awkward or even of the woman, just a reaction they sometimes learn from bad experiences. And please don't come for me on saying it isn't the woman's fault - if you've had a stalker there's no way in hell you'll risk having one again.
Gonna admit from experience that its probably... Stable affection. Unless the guy is a little unhinged, they'll care even when we physically cannot care about them back (in the middle of a fit).
For those confused by the statement, when you’re in a relationship that is at least somewhat committed, there’s this odd emotional phenomenon that happens. You will always have a solid foundation of love for your partner. Always. It’s unshakable. That means that, even though at this very minute you hate their guts (for whatever reason) and can’t stand to be in the same room with them, you STILL love them. Weird, I know, hating someone and loving them at the same time. But you see, that heightened emotion dissipates. You only think you hate them because you’re pissed off at something. It may even be something that has no connection to them, but it still made you irritable enough to lash out, and they just happened to be there at the time. You do calm down and come to your senses, and realize you shouldn’t have been so dramatic. If they actually did do something that made you angry, you still calm down enough to talk about it, to talk it through. That’s love. The willingness to talk about it calmly and rationally, work it out, and come to a mutually satisfactory and equitable agreement for the future. It may entail a new house rule, like if one cooks, the other washes the dishes and wipes the counters. Sometimes it’s simply a matter of perception, if it’s not a glaringly obvious faux pas on their part that anyone should know is wrong (like flirting with other people and leading them on, or worse), and the other person truly doesn’t realize they did anything you wouldn’t like. You know, context is important. Never expect people to “just know” your expectations. They’re not mind readers, ffs, so don’t go nuclear on them for not doing what you never told them you’d like them to do. Open your mouth and, reasonably, rationally, politely, and kindly express what you want or need from them. Most people are happy to do those things for you, as long as they’re reasonable.
Revealing their true, deep down feelings about whats on their mind. thats definitely not to say girls can’t be loving,accepting caring partners. But I would say that most guys I know have only revealed their truest darkest thoughts to another male friend. again, not to say girls dont have difficulties in relationships too.
This is also sad. And a consequence of toxic masculinity that affects men. We have told our sons for generations that they cannot show emotion or weakness to women. Its time for change. We care... when you are sad, vulnerable, ashamed, lonely, whatever it is. Please share because we do care.
Being able to tell your partner that they did something which upset you without having to apologise to them afterwards.
How effortless it is in the beginning.
Men usually have to initiate the first conversation.
Just once in my life, I'd love it if a woman I was romantically involved with actually spent money on me. A surprise video game or Lego set, or any pricy non practical thing I wouldn't normally buy for myself.
Don't get me wrong. I fully recognize that plenty of men do, in fact, get spoiled by their S/O's. It just seems like 90% of the time, it's usually the men doing the big gift giving, while women will just throw [intercourse] at you and call it good.
So... its not about the gift its about the amount of money? You dont want flowers or thoughtful gifts, you want expensive gifts? Imagine the outcry if a woman had made that same comment.... we would immediately be accused of being a golddigger. And I'm a little confused by your statement that the women just 'throw sex at you'? I mean, I throw myself at my husband when I feel valued, loved and appreciated. I'm not just throwing sex at him. I want sex with him because he turns me on. It sounds like you are implying that women generally are exchanging sex for expensive gifts? Because if that's the case you might need lay off the incel websites.
Kinda random but men in a relationship are absolutely never allowed to lose their temper. Whereas you have to be respectful if the woman is mentally having a hard time.
There is a difference between "loosing your temper" and "having a hard time". I appreciate the crux of what you are saying but it fails to consider the very real risk that when men "loose their temper", women die. UN did a very good study on it recently. I am unsure why there would be a problem with being “respectful” towards your partner whether s/he is having a hard time or not. That should be a fundamental starting point? If you cannot respect your partner you should not be in the relationship.
I'm glad these guys are now with good partners/friends. But really, if you aren't getting what you're giving in a relationship, re-evaluate. The above examples are nearly all really basic simple, common stuff. Glad it's appreciated though.
Lenka seems to have...issues...with men in general. Everything they say is seen from the worst point of view.
BP - I am cutting and pasting the subheading from right over this Comments section: "What is something men don't get to experience in relationship but girls do?" Are you talking about men dating actual girls (vs. women) or are you just doing what your article from the other day referred to regarding how bizarre it is to refer to males as "men" and females as "girls"?
I'm glad these guys are now with good partners/friends. But really, if you aren't getting what you're giving in a relationship, re-evaluate. The above examples are nearly all really basic simple, common stuff. Glad it's appreciated though.
Lenka seems to have...issues...with men in general. Everything they say is seen from the worst point of view.
BP - I am cutting and pasting the subheading from right over this Comments section: "What is something men don't get to experience in relationship but girls do?" Are you talking about men dating actual girls (vs. women) or are you just doing what your article from the other day referred to regarding how bizarre it is to refer to males as "men" and females as "girls"?
