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Mom Pressures Brother To Babysit Every Weekend To Help Save Her Marriage, Gets A Reality Check
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Mom Pressures Brother To Babysit Every Weekend To Help Save Her Marriage, Gets A Reality Check

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Having children is a lifelong commitment. There might be times you’ll have to prioritize your kids over your own preferred plans. And it’s not unusual for your marriage or relationship to take strain once you start a family. That’s why some people wait a while before bringing children into the world. And others choose to be child-free.

When one mom found her marriage crumbling under the weight of two young children, she turned to her brother for help. Being the “cool uncle”, he was happy to babysit while his sister and her husband went on a much-needed date. But now, she expects him to watch her kids every single weekend. The child-free brother is torn between helping his sister, and having his weekends to himself. He shared his story online, asking for advice on what to do.

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It’s safe to say your life will change after you start a family, and you might struggle to find time to spend alone with your partner

Image credits: diignat / envatoelements (not the actual photo)

One mom found a way to reconnect with her husband again, but it came at the expense of her brother

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Image credits: puhhha / envatoelements (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: FancyMoonlight

It’s not unusual for marriages to take strain once kids enter the game

Image credits: nd3000 / envatoelements (not the actual photo)

Many people underestimate the amount of work that goes into having kids. And some begin the journey with rose-tinted glasses. Raising children takes time, energy and effort. Parents must  juggle a lot. Whether they like it or not. And they’re naturally more tired than they were when they were child-free. They also have less time to spend with each other, as is the case with the man’s sister. Less quality time together can often take a toll on the couple’s connection.

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Research shows that children can add stress to marriage, and that relationship satisfaction often decreases after the birth of the first child. Unfortunately, it can stay that way for a while. “This dip in happiness doesn’t go away until after children leave the nest, and by that time, many couples have divorced or drifted apart,” reads this Verywell Mind article on the topic. 

There’s also a higher chance of conflict when kids are involved. Especially if the parents can’t agree on how to split childcare duties fairly. Spontaneity and fun can fly out the window. The romantic relationship can become more of a functional partnership. And the couple could even begin to feel more like roommates than soulmates after a while.

It’s important to prioritize your relationship but “dating” might look different when you have children

Image credits: Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo)

“We had been married five years at this point and we were not connecting and communicating like we used to. All our conversations seemed to revolve around parenting, bills, and food shopping. We were arguing more and more and comparing who was doing the most and who wasn’t doing enough,” wrote one mom who also happens to be a relationship coach. The couple felt ashamed to admit that having kids had put a strain on their relationship. But once they finally shared their struggles with others, they were assured they weren’t alone.

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They decided to work together to change things for the better. “From that moment, my husband and I made a commitment to put each other first again. We stopped making excuses as to why we didn’t have time for each other and got creative and resourceful like we did when we were teenagers,” she revealed. “We created the time; we scheduled dates; we made better use of the time we did have and instead of scrolling on our phones, disconnecting and checking out, we consciously checked in to ourselves and each other.”

The couple also realized that they needed to rethink what an ideal date looked like. And what worked for them, as parents. “We were surprised that dinner dates no longer excited us or worked for us with young kids,” she said. Instead, they opted for beach walks, hikes, coffee dates, movie nights, and drinking ceremonial cacao together. “Once we got rid of our limiting beliefs, it became so easy to date.”

And that might be an answer to the sister’s marriage woes. Quality over quantity when it comes to time alone with her husband. Instead of asking her brother to look after the kids for hours on end every Saturday and Sunday, the couple could schedule shorter dates. And perhaps even ask someone else to step in when the kids’ “cool uncle” is unavailable.

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“This is a custody arrangement”: Many people agreed that the man shouldn’t feel guilty and that his sister is at fault

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Some netizens felt the man should have set firmer boundaries from the start

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Robyn Smith

Robyn Smith

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Robyn is an award-winning journalist who has produced work for several international media outlets. Made in Africa and exported to the world, she is obsessed with travel and the allure of new places. A lover of words and visuals, Robyn is part of the Bored Panda writing team. This Panda has two bamboo tattoos: A map of Africa & the words "Be Like The Bamboo... Bend Never Break."

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Robyn Smith

Robyn Smith

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Robyn is an award-winning journalist who has produced work for several international media outlets. Made in Africa and exported to the world, she is obsessed with travel and the allure of new places. A lover of words and visuals, Robyn is part of the Bored Panda writing team. This Panda has two bamboo tattoos: A map of Africa & the words "Be Like The Bamboo... Bend Never Break."

Viktorija Ošikaitė

Viktorija Ošikaitė

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I'm a visual editor here at Bored Panda and I enjoy a good laugh. My work ranges from serious topics related to toxic work environments and relationship difficulties to humorous articles about online shopping fails and introvert memes. When I'm not at my work desk, checking if every single pixel is in the right place, I usually spend my free time playing board games, taking pictures, and watching documentaries

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Viktorija Ošikaitė

Viktorija Ošikaitė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I'm a visual editor here at Bored Panda and I enjoy a good laugh. My work ranges from serious topics related to toxic work environments and relationship difficulties to humorous articles about online shopping fails and introvert memes. When I'm not at my work desk, checking if every single pixel is in the right place, I usually spend my free time playing board games, taking pictures, and watching documentaries

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Phoebe Bean
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not your wife, not your kids and you are not a slave. And learn to say "NO".

Linda Wright
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Those are her brats that's what birth control is for or abortions she doesn't need a break she should thought about it early before she started having them start charging her or stop babysitting

Load More Replies...
Nadine Debard
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG the poor kids. I barely see my 3yo during the week, he goes to preschool at 8:30 and I pick him up at 17:30. Our weekends are family moments where we do cool things together. She's delusional and selfish and he's expected to be the pushover.

Joey R
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is what I was thinking. My kids are a similar age to the kids in the post, and they are gone for the first weekend in ages visiting grandparents. I miss them like crazy! I can't imagine doing this every weekend.

Load More Replies...
LaurieAnnaT
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are Plan A. If you simply did not exist, your sister would be forced to come up with a Plan B. That’s where this discussion needs to head.

Load More Comments
Phoebe Bean
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not your wife, not your kids and you are not a slave. And learn to say "NO".

Linda Wright
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Those are her brats that's what birth control is for or abortions she doesn't need a break she should thought about it early before she started having them start charging her or stop babysitting

Load More Replies...
Nadine Debard
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG the poor kids. I barely see my 3yo during the week, he goes to preschool at 8:30 and I pick him up at 17:30. Our weekends are family moments where we do cool things together. She's delusional and selfish and he's expected to be the pushover.

Joey R
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is what I was thinking. My kids are a similar age to the kids in the post, and they are gone for the first weekend in ages visiting grandparents. I miss them like crazy! I can't imagine doing this every weekend.

Load More Replies...
LaurieAnnaT
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are Plan A. If you simply did not exist, your sister would be forced to come up with a Plan B. That’s where this discussion needs to head.

Load More Comments
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