Making a character in a book seem realistic and interesting is no easy task. It’s not down to just your skills as a writer, though. You actually have to know a bit about who you’re writing about. In other words—do your research. Unfortunately, some male writers out there seem to have major problems writing female characters and seem shy about asking their female friends for advice.
The ‘Men Write Women’ page on X (former Twitter) documents these scary and cringe-worthy examples of men writing about women without having any idea about them or their anatomy. The project was started back in 2019 when Meghan Vondriska launched her version of the ‘Men Writing Women’ Reddit community. Now, the ‘Men Write Women’ X page has over 69k followers, and there are over 2k fans who follow their Instagram page.
“Women just want to be written as human. That’s it. There isn't some wild scientific equation to writing women, and it isn't difficult. Write them as human, with complex feelings, not as body parts that happen to be put together into a feminine form,” Vondriska told Bored Panda.
Let’s take a look at these examples of how men write women and see what Vondriska has to say about this annoying depiction.
More info: MegVondriska.com
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This Is The Best One Yet
wow. so many weird misogynistic stereotypes here. Does this person also believe our wombs detach, fly about our bodies and make us crazy once a month?
We Don’t Get Real Pockets In Pants Because We Have Tiny Purses In Our Vaginas!!! (Stuart Woods, Desperate Measures)
This is horrifying. Has this man ever seen a vagina? I could not imagine jamming credit cards up it.
"3 And A Half Milliboobs Per Handful"
What Does it Mean When a Woman is Written by a Man?
At times, male authors depict female characters as sexualized, unrealistic beings who are mere accessories that meet the desires of these authors. Men portraying women in this manner is called the male gaze. The male gaze or a woman written by a man tends to focus on the body rather than the character itself. When women are objectified without giving them a voice in the story, it’s typically said that the woman is written by a man.
Yes, Men Would Be Amaaazing At Handling Pregnancy - Evolution Really Screwed This One Up. Bonus Points For “No Woman Gets Raped Unless She’s Looking For It.”
Oo. This writer does not like the look of pregnant women, so has decided that women must hate it - you know, because he hates it and they surely all want to appeal to him because he's so awesome.
Well Damn, Where Are All My Kids Then??
Oh someone needs to tell this person men also get stretch marks and they are not ll from having kids. weightloss or gain does it too
Let's Not Forget This Gem Either
Just imagine the reverse: "every hair in my beard becoming a tiny penis"
Women Written by Men: What Does Vondriska Say?
“I’m an avid reader, but the straw that broke the camel’s back was a novel my boyfriend lent me, where the female character was described by her breasts, and the male character was described by his personality.”
“Working in advertising, I tend to be Very Online, so taking my anger to Twitter seemed like a natural parallel. I was familiar with the Men Writing Women subreddit, but created a Twitter account in order to craft a consistent narrative and to build a community that wasn’t hidden behind anonymity,” Vondriska revealed what inspired her to create ‘Men Write Women.’
Vondriska, from Wisconsin, devours 3 to 5 books each week. (Meanwhile, our piles of started-but-unfinished books keep on growing.) According to her, a lot of male writers who tend to be thought of as the “founders of the literary canon” are continuous offenders. “John Updike, for instance. But the greatest repeat offender is definitely Stephen King. His portrayal of his female characters is honestly offensive,” Vondriska said.
Ugly Women Without Good Personalities Should Kill Themselves [rivers Of London By Ben Aaronovitch]
This Made My Breasts Frown
That's Not How Any Of This Works
Oh dear, this guy just revealed himself to be a very very confused virgin.
Male Authors Writing About Women Actually Well
However, it isn't all doom and gloom in the literary world. There are male writers who can write women well, too. “Terry Pratchett is wonderful, and I’ve yet to see a submission from Michael Crichton,” Vondriska shared that she, like many of us, is a Pratchett fan. Vondriska also pointed out that, in her opinion, the best writers are well-read. So, she encouraged all of us to read more and (most importantly) read more widely.
“Pay attention to what you’re reading and who you’re reading. You have to make sure your bookshelf isn't made up of just men. Add in some spice—some female authors, some nonbinary authors, or authors of color. And lastly, just because you were assigned a book in high school doesn't mean it’s good!”
Unsurprisingly, The Book's Terrible Writing From A "Proclaimed" Writer Does Not End Here (The Wedding Plot, Jeffrey Eugenides)
Boobs are testicles. They don't "withdraw" because there is muscle and a rib cage underneath and they are just mounds of fat and milk producing tissue. I feel like so many people here did not pay attention in health class. How can they be so clueless about the female body?
Male Authors Writing Women Are Actually Just Horror Stories And Here's Why
Ah Yes, Exactly How I'd Describe Myself (The Diamond Age, Neal Stephenson)
What is the Female Gaze Theory?
The female gaze theory refers to the female point of view in the story that focuses on the realistic depiction of the characters rather than objectifying their bodies. Usually, when netizens say, “written by a woman,” they are talking about this realistic female gaze that gives depth to the character rather than their physical appearance.
I'm Sorry, Her Breasts Do What
She's Eleven And Scared But Let's Talk About Her Nipples
This Whole Book Has Both My Eyes And My Boobs Rolling
Be Horrified With The Rest Of Us
Men like Conde should not be surprised that sexy women love other women, and he really should try to help that male chauvinism.
Breasts Totally Get Scared
The Count Of Monte Cristo- 1884
As a 36 old worn out hag, i can totally relate :D
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Well, back then a lot if women were already grandmas in their mid thirties.
This was published in 1884. Many people aged faster than they do now and expectations were different. At 36, she would be expected to be settling into a respectable middle-age, not to be youthful and beautiful.
There's other comments explaining this. Basically - no. Statistics are deceptive and never trust the mean.
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When I was 50 I looked about 37 ( good genes) I was out with my dad once at a function when a male attendee struck up a conversation with me. About 15 min in the conversation birthdays came up and I mentioned that I had just turned 50. No exaggeration at all. The guy ( who was in his 40ties) stopped mid sentence. Looked at me in disgust and loudly proclaimed "WHAT, you're 50. I thought you were like 35 or something" Then he stomped away mumbling under his breath in absolute disgust. Some men are just complete idiots.
What?? Like you weren't worth speaking to because you were 50? And he was in his 40s? UGHHHH. That is all I can say. UGGGHHHHH.
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to be fair - when this was written, the average life span of women was about 45 years and we women were married off and first "flowering," (you know, our menstrual cycle beginning) so like between 10 on the young side and 16 on the high side and 16 was considered older after 18, prospects decreased significantly, and good lord if you weren't married by the time you were 20 - spinsterhood awaited.
Actually, women hit puberty a lot later then - better nutrition and healthcare causes earlier development, same as people now are a lot taller than back then. They'd be starting at fifteen-sixteen as standard, not ten, and marriage was usually a little after that. Nobles could be betrothed and married off pretty much as soon as they were born, but they wouldn't be expected to actually consummate the marriage until the girl was old enough to have a chance of surviving pregnancy (late teens at least).
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Before you have a fit, the average life span in the mid 1800s was 45-50 years old, especially for women of childbearing years, who often died of simple complications. Sanitation was not what it is today. And I'm cisfemale.
back in the day of this book, 36 was getting old, usually from all the hard work women did to please the men, popping out many babies and all.
can't imagine why I was so insecure when I was in my thirties. I was one hot Mama!!!
I mean, in his defense, this was the 1800s and a 36 year old woman is old for back then.
Yes and no, stress would have aged their appearance, but so long as they survived disease without medication, they could have lived to their 80’s.
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I think this was written when most women were lucky to live to their thirties.
I just turned 36 on Saturday and when I looked in the mirror Sunday morning, I looked like Mother Gothel.
At least this isn't a modern writer, still horrible but he isn't around to keep writing statements like this.
36 in 1884 was old. Not grandmother old, but definitely no-more-children old.
To be fair...40 would've been considered old age, back then....life was harder...disease, famine, poverty, slavery, hard manual labor...people aged faster.
In that day and age, 36 was considered fairly old. AND if you could survive all the random diseases and still look good it was practically a miracle.
In defense of the author: dental care wasn't up to modern standards back then.
Ah...the golden years as she faces her mortality. She's barely hanging on!
This sounds like it was written by a dude in his 50’s or 60’s who only dated women in their 20’s... and when she turns 30 he leaves her for someone younger.
This is not a bad analogy. In the Counts day, it was not unusual for anyone, male or female, to die before age 40 or 50. Especially, if they were poor. Madame Danglars does appear to be of the elite class.
I mean, to be fair, youre technically old around 60 nowadays even if you could die at 80 so she was probably considered old back then. My historical accuracy about lifespan is not perfect but....
Do not forget people in former centuries had a shorter life expectancy. Statistically speaking, the average life expectancy in the 19th century was 35.6 years for men and 38.4 years for women. 40 year old grandmothers were the norm. And majority of the population was poor and bad nourished compared to our todays standart. There are many pictures in the net from people in USA in time of the big depression. 25 year old women looking like 40, with bad or without teeth.
In fairness, people did not generally live to a "ripe old age" of say forty, back then ;) Well, I am exaggerating, but you get the point. People died young.. and life was hard- so at 20 you might look 60 -
Do be fair, back then if you were 27 you were past your prime and probably by thirty eight you'd popped out a few children without painkillers or any extra help during pregnancy and it took even more effort to make yourself look pretty for your husband.
I think the time and place this book was written should be considered but not enough people consider how a woman looks on the inside and not outside.
I remember when I thought mid 30's was old. Then I had two kids after age 35.
Now, this is f****d up. This is like the second or third REAL example that I've seen so far in this list.
To be fair this was probably written when people died earlier and maybe didn't age as well
Ha! Well people didn't live as long then. But here again, a woman is first and foremost valued for her looks.
To be fair, life expectancy in 1860 is listed at 39. 36 was old then.
I was in a play once (see how they run-1946) where the character I played was described as 'a spinster of 35.
Ok, but the average life expectancy for women at that time was under 20 (yay natural childbirth), and for men under 40. So in those terms 36 was pretty ancient.
Depending on when this was written, life expectancy would account for aged looks.
This is an accurate representation of attitude in this time period though. Not just the author.
Okay, not nice, but to be fair, the time period in which that story is set, women were considered to be their best around age 15-19. 26 was already half-way to be a sad old spinster lady.
This one I kind of get. Back then, when the book was written, 36 was advanced. With all the hardships and poor nutrition, she probably did look like she was in her 70s.
Bare in mind that people in the 1800s only lived to the age of 40, if they were lucky to.
The average life expectancy when this was written was 44.5 yrs for women.
In those times many did not live beyond 40.. or so. They aged much earlier with less help than we have today.
In those days girls use to get married at 16 and life expectency was around 40 . So she was an old hag of 36 .
To his defense, life expectancy in 1884 must have been around 50 years, but still...
Life expectancy was 51 years old for a woman born in 1884 Is she was born in 1834 it was 23 years old. This woman was born in 1848 so 36 years old is not young for the time.
This is not so strange. Life expectancy was barely reaching forty..
Excuse me? That is a myth. Even back then people aged well into their 70s.
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It frosts me when I read of 50-somethings being described as "elderly". I would gladly remain 50-something for the rest of my life.
Oh, come on, this kind of description can be found in any book from the 19th century (or before) or even from the early 20th century, when people in general were aging earlier. There is no point in reporting it as if it were a current offense. Also, the old books are filled with descriptions of 45-50 year old men as old. So?
1n 1884 life expectancy was about 50s so a woman at 36 would be considered old. Remember the overall health was as poor, likely she had bad teeth and bad jointd
Sweet baby, Jesus! Someone else finally caught the line. I had to read the sentence 3 or 4 times just to make sure I read it correctly. I did. Unfortunately.
Plz Put This On My Tombstone #submission (The Dogs, Scott Smith)
*me To My Friend* Excuse Me, May I Please Borrow Your Eyeballs?
She Was Flesh And Blood, Not The 2D Woman He Was Used To Objectifying On Television, And For That She Was All The More Special (A Time On Earth, Vihelm Moberg)
Literally No Woman Would Ever Do This (Misterioso, Arne Dahl)
In the first place this whole soaking thing sounds like a dishcloth, this guy obviously doesn't know how pads work. In the second place, pads stick to underwear, in my experience you don't just "fish them out", this guy obviously doesn't know how pads work. In the third place, of course the only possible rational reason why a woman would refuse sex is because she's on her period!, this guy is obviously an effing asshole.
Only Sluts Have Hairy Legs (The Things They Carried, Tim O'brien)
dry sounds like she just needs to use more lotion. dry skin is horribly itchy
Thank God For The Bikini Wax.
Wish I Had Pillowy Breasts! Taken From Ben Fountain’s Brief Encounters With Che Guevara
I'm more concerned by the fact he seems to routinely check out boys' butts and uses that as the benchmark of sexy.
The Rest Reads “Dad Is Looking Like He Made A Better Decision Every Year”. What?!?
This Is A Totally Anatomically Normal Thing For Breasts To Do #submission (We Can Remember It For You Wholesale, Philip Dick)
These male authors are making my breasts pulse with resentment. They're really pissed off.
#menwritingwomen No Wonder Some Of Them Think Our Breasts Stop Us From Doing Stuff If They Think We’re As Obsessed As They Are. We Can’t Get Away From Them. Oh Must Do This Important Thing But Wait!
Well this seems to reinforce every ugly stereotype of men being sex crazed horndogs
'the Shining', By Stephen King. Its Always Breasts
Female Characters Are More Than Just Their Bodies
We understand your anger. It’s impossible to read the thread without getting infuriated about this poor depiction of women. You can take out your anger about these male writers and express yourself in the comments. After all, women are so much more than just their bodies. Share this not just with your fellow feminists but with other friends and family, too. It’s high time we call out these unfair depictions, don’t you think so?
I’m Not Sure It’s Physically Possible For My Eyes To Roll Any Further Back In My Head (Code Of Honour, Marc Cameron)
I'm Sorry Her What Winked?? (Eeny Meenie, Mj Arlidge)
In This, We Are All Joe (Open Season, Cj Box)
David Mitchell Accurately Describing The Plight Of Woman For Something So Simple As Picking A Seat On The Bus. They're Not All Bad
She Has A Fine, Beautifully Fleshed Skeleton, Guys. Author Jack Finney.
This feels like something a serial killer would say while thinking about how better to display said skeleton
Two Pages In. I'm Afraid To Keep Reading.
An Excerpt From A 1950s Newspaper Article, Very Obviously Written By A Man
Breasts Now Have Entire Personalities
This guy has probably been firmly and chastely refused by many breasts. I consulted with mine and they confirmed that they would indeed refuse him too.
Oh Yes, Totally Normal Metaphor For A Woman's Ability To Carry Children (The Stand, Stephen King)
I Just...
For Those Asking, This Is Iq84 By Haruki Marukami
Funny enough I have never thought of a person's breasts while mourning their death. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.
Keeping Your Emotions In Your Nipples Since 1980 (Number Of The Beast, Robert A. Heinlein)
Somehow I think that Deety's nipples will soon be perking up at the sound of her master's voice and swiveling toward him.
Ah Yes, Women's Most Base Instinct (Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep, Philip K Dick)
I'm Reading Joss Whedon's Original Script For Wonder Woman
Living In Squalor? Don't Buy A Vacuum, Just Get Yourself A Woman! (John Grisham)
Yes, you know, because when you have a penis, you don't have hands and that makes cleaning impossible.
Talking About The Appearance Of A Woman In A Concentration Camp. Voluptuous?! Really?!
I am mildly concerned how often women in this descriptions tend to be childish/girly/baby-like and that is considered as their best part. Also, with constantly errect nipples that can cut your throat/paper/steel/wood bark
Can't Wait For Everyone To Tell Me This Is 'Just How The Character Thinks' Because The Narrator Is A Damn Dog (The Art Of Racing In The Rain, Garth Stein)
This Detective Just Can’t Handle Meeting Women
"The reason African women have children is so that there's someone else to do the house-work" You WHAT mate?!?!?!
14 Pages In. These Girls Are 16. What The Hell Is "Light And Eager" Morning Sweat??
I Don't Even Know Where To Begin With This "Speaking Of Which, Her Breasts" Sir We Were Not Speaking Of Them At All "A Body Assembled Of Flat Planes" What Is She, A Piece Of Woodwork? (The Murderer's Daughter, Jonathan Kellerman)
Men Write About Women
Ah Yes, A Completely Normal Way To Describe One’s Daughter.
The Very Real Scientific Explanation™️ Of How Babies Are Made #submission (Cat Magic, Whitley Strieber)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Why do we even need pregnancy tests?
Well, My Tits Have Stood Up And Walked Out (Cosmopolis, Don Delillo)
I, too, would inhale my food after talking like that, if only to die and save myself from embarasment...
I Hate When My Titties Get In The Way Of Fighting
What??
Please Hear Me When I Say That Stephen King Has Literally No Chill And His Writing Of Women Is More Terrifying Than Any Novel He's Ever Written
Wtf, breasts don't stand "naturally upright" when a woman is lying down, unless they're full of silicone.
This Is More Terrifying Than The Clown, Tbh (It, Stephen King)
Men must be so sad that they can nurse only toilet paper.... calling to them "Nurse us. Nurse us. Nurse us on s**t!"
Honestly I Think This Is The Most Sexist Description We've Gotten Wtf David (John Dies At The End, David Wong)
It's Not Sexist If You're Comparing Her To A Boy!!!
Rosalind Franklin Was A Badass, And This Is How James Watson Described Her, The Woman Who Discovered The Molecular Structure Of Dna
We're all trying to save our daughters from marriages to dull men and bad authors
Literally What Part Of A Breast Looks Like A Goddamn Flower #submission (Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks)
Ah Yes, Nothing Like Seeing Some Casual Sexism Slipped In (Enders Game, Orson Scott Card)
Mmm Please Only Describe Me As Carb-Based Foods From Now On
Marion Deserves Better. "Had An Affair With Her When She Was Eleven." Face Vomiting (George Lucas, Stephen Spielberg, And Lawrence Kasdan Brainstorming Marion's Character In Indiana Jones)
Know We're Not Supposed To Poo-Poo Someone's Fetish, But This Is Downright Weird (Paris Trance, Geoff Dyer)
--I Don't Even Know Where To Begin But There's No Reason This Book Should Have 3.5 Stars On Amazon #submission (Journey To The Year One Billion, Gary Martin)
Tbh After I Lost My Virginity I Thought, "Huh, So That's Sex..." (Til We Have Faces, Cs Lewis)
Men Write About Women
Men Write About Women
Me: Maybe I Should Finally Give Writing A Real Shot Also Me: Nah I'm Not That Good, Why Bother Men:
Ah Yes, The Only Three Professions A Woman Can Hold (Cocaine Nights, Jg Ballard)
Bc The Only Thing To Mourn About A Woman's Death Is Her... Body? (World Without End, Ken Follet)
In his defence he usually has very strong and capable heroines in his stories, and I'm pretty sure a "small thing" can make grief well up for a lost one, without being what one misses the most. I certainly don't think this is as bad as the ones that define a woman by her vagina or giver her breasts feelings...
Men Write About Women
Only unattractive women are smart. Pretty women don't need brains because they have expressive breasts.
Are Your Breasts Proud ?
yes. women are pleased when a man tells her she has whore-colored hair. take notes, boys. -_-
After Reading This, My Breasts Are Now Crying Things
I'm From The Midwest So When I'm Surprised My Breasts Say "Ope, Sorry About That!
All Confrontational Women Were Molested At Some Point.
This Pussy Bites Back #submission (The Devil All The Time, Donald Ray Pollock)
Nobody remembers body parts however once u thought were perfect after 50+ yrs. U only remember how they made u feel. U also forget with time, how they looked
I am suddenly very aware that my breasts are complete underachievers. Does anyone know how I train them to do even half the things listed in this post? Most of the Boobs here seem to have the intelligence and sentience of the average 4 year old human child. I've just tried, but I can't even get mine to express mild disapproval. :-(
I'm beginning to think my breasts are just a couple of freeloaders, is there someway I can motivate them into doing something more than just hanging out and getting in the way?
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I am amazed at how many have a tenuous understanding at best of female anatomy and how they anthropomorphize breasts and give them more personality than their female characters.
The problem here is that women are nothing but sexual objects to these types of men.
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Challenge: describe yourselves in the style of these entries. I myself am tall, dark haired and willowy, with eyes like winter ice and breasts that are furious at the world around me.
No, go and describe men in the way these authors describe women. There will be so many confused and frowning penises!
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I was the US print buyer for an international glass company (think FAST) My boss's frat brother had started a printing company and wanted our business. Knowing I had no intention of switching companies (and that it as entirely my decision) , my boss set up a meet & greet, just for show. Now, back in the day - I was much thinner and pretty hot. Wearing the company V-neck sweater, I met with Ed. Even before we went into the conference room he was staring at my bust (which has always been a blessing & a curse). As I was introducing myself, he was just staring at my boobs. I asked him a few questions and he literally ANSWERED MY BOOBS. I'd had enough and bent my head down to meet his eyes and said, "They don't speak, Ed". He turned purple, my boss almost fell off his chair laughing & I just calmly left the room. No. He did not get our business.
Who the ever-loving f**k publishes this crap? HOW did *these* end up in production, on a shelf and then get bought?!
Everyone who intends to write a physical description needs to attend one autopsy, start to finish, for a person of each gender. You lose the mystique and the stupid pretty quick that way.
I went to the cadaver lab with my high school anatomy class. Plus I get extra bonus points because a student forgot to properly um... store his cadaver, so I now know we're all just a bunch of sentient beef jerky.
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What is with these men's obsession with female breasts? Among many other problematic stuff. And even little girls. Yuck!
I’m with you. Men really have no idea how to write a decent female character without falling for all these tropes listed imo
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How far authors go to give visual descriptions and feelings, but instead miss the point entirely and end up writing the most ridiculous things. But we shouldn't just mention the authors, as the books are always reviewed by editors and many others, and not a single person though about questioning these things...
I no longer remember which book exactly it was, but Haruki Murakami had a female character who was so poor that she had only one bra and she had to wash it every evening. Wash it every evening! Dude! I'll never forget that xD
I am certain some people do that. I was at a friends place when her son hollered "Mom, there are no ironed socks!" He was like 17 or 18 and she promptly ironed a pair of socks for him. He didn't know that you could wear socks that had not been ironed. My own teenage son did not know that anyone could/would iron socks and neither did I.
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These make me think of the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast. This guy discovered his dad has been writing erotica for years and is genuinely confused how he was ever conceived! It’s comedy gold - very much NSFW and also NSF Driving, as you’ll laugh so much you’ll crash!
And shockingly... Rocky Flintstone is a better writer than some of these!
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I usually come to BP for the feel-goods. Today I'm feeling really angry. So today I'm going to focus on describing the protagonist in my novel in ways that won't make people want to claw their eyes and brains out.
The first example you use is not an invention of Min Jin Lee. Rather it is a very clever reference to long-held, oft told rumor that a particular champagne glass was molded from Marie Antionette's breast. If you've ever seen anything set in the early 1900's, they were probably drinking champagne or cocktails from one of those glasses. It's hysterical, but most likely untrue. Champagne-...f4cf5a.jpg 
I loved Stephen King as a teenager, and I still do. But re-reading him as an adult is pretty cringey. Every single female character is described anatomically.
Agreed. I can't re-read his old stuff and his new stuff is far too wordy. Looks like his son, the author Joe Hill, is a chip off the old block with the wordiness too.
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You know what? France is on lockdown again, l needed a good laugh, this trend overkilled it for me. Thank you so much for the laugh
They also think boobs are: (______😡______) (______😡_____)
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The comments on this post certainly improved the idiotic excerpts!
I have to wonder if there's an equally bad women writing men ... I mean really, why should it be so one sided?
There is some woman but some men think think that they are the dominant gender so usaly it’s men
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Why is it that I’m offended. I’m not like anything these idiots are writing about. I am in middle/high school and my breasts started developing in 3rd grade. Yet I seem to be offended. Most likely because I just kinda feel like men don’t pay attention to us and just our body. Like they see us as objects. I took a genius class. It was about the feminine and male genius and it wad incredibly enlightening. Women are supposed to protect the man’s heart and men are supposed to protect the woman. You should take one of those classes. It’s actually really helpful.
This makes my breasts laugh with toothy smiles, the left slightly more expressive than the other as my cleavage juts out in disgust. They talk amongst themselves in my bra, wondering if we should educate men. My right insists that the men of the world become competent, while the left argues that we wouldn't have as much reason to laugh at them. With which of my intelligent breasts do you agree?
I hate how women are stereotyped like this and are a sexual object for men to observe.
Reading through this post was just... PAINFULLY hilarious
Even as a man I cringed at the utter ridiculous paragraphs,who writes such books??
FYI, Michael Crichton studied to be a medical doctor but never actually practiced, just leapt into writing as a career. Which probably explains why he was able to get biological details about women so perfectly, and why I really wish he were still around to publish more novels. RIP.
This is as hilarious as it is horrific. We need the same thread for female authors talking about men. Romance novels are just as f'n ludicrous XD
I read the first 4 or 5. And as a female, I am just so offended. Are the male writers unmarried, virgins that they really know so little about women. And as I noted above, where are the proof readers? They must also be in the same category.!!
what the actual hell is wrong with men? why do they even WRITE this into their books?
James Patterson's "Murder Club" reads like he's never known any women in his life. Um, women who have been friends for over 20 years DO NOT have such stilted and formal conversations. And even though my best friend prefers to be called "Patricia", when we're alone she's "Pats".
I had to ask myself how did some of these get past the publishers? Getting past that some of these may be self-published - these examples seem to show males in the publishing/editing profession(s) also barely know anything about women...
Why on earth are theses thing published or not edited out. How I understand why Men know NOTHING about women....they only listen to over men
Many years ago when I was a pre-teen, I snuck away with a couple of my mom’s dirty novels. One described a woman having her period as the blood pouring down her legs and having to soak it all up with several of her boyfriend’s t-shirts. Even at my young age I knew that was a bit much, unless the author planned on her visiting the emergency room for hemorrhaging.
Guys, please write this down: breasts are not sentient in any way. They do not react to events or emotions. They grow the way they grow and then they stay that way. They might grow a little more during pregnancy and sag a little while ageing, but otherwise, they do nothing, I repeat, nothing. Also, nipples do not get hard when the woman is sexually aroused like your penis does.
Males support feminists, you know (not the ones that hate on men like the idiots in the comments, the ones that preach equality to males and females). I feel like this article wont start good feminism, it will start bad feminism. Oh, wait, it already has..
My favorite thing like this is a movie, not a book. Blade Runner 2049. Must have been written by 10-year-old boys who think a robot could be built that accidentally had the ability to give birth. Like, there is nothing special inside women that makes this happen. Meanwhile, the outsides of women's bodies are everywhere in 50-foot-high holograms.
She was tall, curvy, with wide, sumptuous thighs and tiny ankles. Her long, flowing hair, the color of a summer day, cascaded over her breasts. She was dandelion fluff, a raw sexual force, leaving nothing behind but the faint taste of chocolate on your lips. And damn, was she good with a knife. As I looked up at her, the knife in my chest, she flipped me off as only the most beautiful of women could.
I think in some cases, the authors are trying to make their male characters come off as sexist, breast-obsessed, creepy, etc. "Breasts walked by ... he didn't even look at her face." Don't hate the writers; hate the men they describe.
Sometimes, I think the best thing that could happen to the human race would be some kind of additive to the water that would drop the male sex drive by about 9/10. Then, maybe most of them could finally relate to women as something other than a pair of legs, a pair of tits, or a hole they want to stuff something into.
i wish my breasts would be more like theirs and stop being breasts that don't move :-(
😤😑By the Angel, thank Raziel THATS over. A couple of them, I had to go back and just stare at them for a little while to figure out what the HELL is going on. But most of them, I just stared off into the distance trying to figure out how they are so stupid! I hope these men don't describe real women like that. Or HAVE wives for that matter! I would NOT want to be married to an idiot like that! Hmph....sorry for my outburst. I am very passionate on writing and will try to not write at all like them. Dear Raziel they need help🥲
Im 12 and a boy and I know more about women than all of these people combined
I’m assuming in most of these books are the product of incels who wrote this while living in their mom’s basement
I am just totally stunned by the fact that no one have reacted before this sh-t went to print!!! Surely there must have been a proofreader, a publisher, a FRIEND, for haven sake, that could have said "Hey mate, I really don´t think it´s such good idea to write that that way..."
#19 is 9 perfect strangers by Liane Moriarty. She’s a woman, not sure why her book was included in this list.
Good god I write and I can a describe a woman's body but these blokes have they got it so wrong I am so glad we do not fit their idea of women with BREASTS. I am never aware of my breasts unless showering or dressing and getting them to sit just right in my bra.
F**k off lyone they are just trying to say that they are annoyed
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seriously though looking at book writing for proof or disproof or an understanding of the female body, isnt is as stupid as looking at a scifi film for an understanding of the working of quantum mechanics.
Lots of people. That's why Stephen King is an extremely rich and successful author maybe?
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Damn, these men must be lonely enough that they feel the need to say this
I guess that that is not "correct" but I need to say that too many women are not more intelligent. It is a tragedy that most of humans are conditioned so poorly.
Apart from the few named examples, most of these are crappy slash fic, self published. Just because you can get a book printed for you, doesn't make you an author
If you wanted to make a point, you could have at least used examples that didn't completely miss it. Most of them aren't even on topic, the few ones that are are all clearly not the authors thoughts, so what's the point of this article?
The writer needs to educate herself. “The vaginal wall is, in fact, the clitoris. If you lift the skin off the vagina on the side walls, you get the bulbs of the clitoris — triangular, crescental masses of erectile tissue,” Dr. O’Connell explained in an interview with the BBC in 2006. The clitoris has three major components: the glans clitoris, which is the only visible part of the organ, accounting for “a fifth or less” of the entire structurethe two crura, which extend, like brackets, down from the glans clitoris and deep into the tissue of the vulva, on either sidethe two bulbs of the vestibule, which extend either side of the vaginal orifice (not all researchers agree that the vestibular bulbs have a relation to the clitoris, however; researchers Vincenzo and Giulia Puppo, for instance, argue that the clitoris consists “of the glans, body, and crura” only) In its entirety, the clitoris may reach as many as 7 centimeters in length, if not longer, and the glans makes up about 4c
I could understand a lot of these comments when we're talking about male authors attempting to write from a woman's perspective, just like female authors completely failing while trying to write from a male's perspective... But most of these are the perspective of characters that are flawed or downright warped as part of the plotline... And then there's the complaints of "The Count of Monte Cristo" referring to 36 as "old." The book was published in 1844 when almost every woman was married by the age of 25. 36 would have been considered old for a woman to be unmarried.
It’s like no one has heard of metaphor or “the characters point of view”.
I’m sure a lot of these examples are supposed to be funny, or that in context the CHARACTER is supposed to be gross rather than the author.
To be fair (and at the risk of incurring the wrath of the BP downvote trolls), most female authors don't do a much better job of writing male characters. They tend to focus more on alleged male personality traits than anatomy, but they're often just as clueless as the guys who apparently think breasts are sentient beings. ;-)
Good point, but it’s less of a problem then young girls and women alike being oversexualized.
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These writers need to be named and shamed. Laugh in their faces and tell them what lousy writers they are.
Yeah, Stephen King's awful isn't he? Hope that guy never makes it big! 😂
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I always have to chuckle reading about articles that upset women so much for the way they are viewed by many ... I mean guys aren't popping ping-pong balls out of their privates for tips, or waving their junk around in hope that someone will buy them a drink ... ladies, just remember: your own kind most often give you all a bad rep for you actions, activities and just the simple things women take for granted (and NO, I am NOT saying ALL, but definitely a good portion of the female gender) ... so just think on this for a bit before getting your panties in such a bunch over so little ~ 'much ado about nothing'
The Firm by John Grisham: “She was beautiful, much more so than when they were married. At twenty-four she looked her age, but the years were becoming very generous.” She’s practically decrepit!
No. Most of these are clearly just written by men with weird ideas about women's bodies. The obsession with breasts is just too weird.
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Most of these were still written by men who make horrible and misogynist depictions of women. And the romance ones by women, at least they still humanize the men. The ones about women never are.
Load More Replies... I am suddenly very aware that my breasts are complete underachievers. Does anyone know how I train them to do even half the things listed in this post? Most of the Boobs here seem to have the intelligence and sentience of the average 4 year old human child. I've just tried, but I can't even get mine to express mild disapproval. :-(
I'm beginning to think my breasts are just a couple of freeloaders, is there someway I can motivate them into doing something more than just hanging out and getting in the way?
Load More Replies... I am amazed at how many have a tenuous understanding at best of female anatomy and how they anthropomorphize breasts and give them more personality than their female characters.
The problem here is that women are nothing but sexual objects to these types of men.
Load More Replies... Challenge: describe yourselves in the style of these entries. I myself am tall, dark haired and willowy, with eyes like winter ice and breasts that are furious at the world around me.
No, go and describe men in the way these authors describe women. There will be so many confused and frowning penises!
Load More Replies... I was the US print buyer for an international glass company (think FAST) My boss's frat brother had started a printing company and wanted our business. Knowing I had no intention of switching companies (and that it as entirely my decision) , my boss set up a meet & greet, just for show. Now, back in the day - I was much thinner and pretty hot. Wearing the company V-neck sweater, I met with Ed. Even before we went into the conference room he was staring at my bust (which has always been a blessing & a curse). As I was introducing myself, he was just staring at my boobs. I asked him a few questions and he literally ANSWERED MY BOOBS. I'd had enough and bent my head down to meet his eyes and said, "They don't speak, Ed". He turned purple, my boss almost fell off his chair laughing & I just calmly left the room. No. He did not get our business.
Who the ever-loving f**k publishes this crap? HOW did *these* end up in production, on a shelf and then get bought?!
Everyone who intends to write a physical description needs to attend one autopsy, start to finish, for a person of each gender. You lose the mystique and the stupid pretty quick that way.
I went to the cadaver lab with my high school anatomy class. Plus I get extra bonus points because a student forgot to properly um... store his cadaver, so I now know we're all just a bunch of sentient beef jerky.
Load More Replies... What is with these men's obsession with female breasts? Among many other problematic stuff. And even little girls. Yuck!
I’m with you. Men really have no idea how to write a decent female character without falling for all these tropes listed imo
Load More Replies... How far authors go to give visual descriptions and feelings, but instead miss the point entirely and end up writing the most ridiculous things. But we shouldn't just mention the authors, as the books are always reviewed by editors and many others, and not a single person though about questioning these things...
I no longer remember which book exactly it was, but Haruki Murakami had a female character who was so poor that she had only one bra and she had to wash it every evening. Wash it every evening! Dude! I'll never forget that xD
I am certain some people do that. I was at a friends place when her son hollered "Mom, there are no ironed socks!" He was like 17 or 18 and she promptly ironed a pair of socks for him. He didn't know that you could wear socks that had not been ironed. My own teenage son did not know that anyone could/would iron socks and neither did I.
Load More Replies... These make me think of the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast. This guy discovered his dad has been writing erotica for years and is genuinely confused how he was ever conceived! It’s comedy gold - very much NSFW and also NSF Driving, as you’ll laugh so much you’ll crash!
And shockingly... Rocky Flintstone is a better writer than some of these!
Load More Replies... I usually come to BP for the feel-goods. Today I'm feeling really angry. So today I'm going to focus on describing the protagonist in my novel in ways that won't make people want to claw their eyes and brains out.
The first example you use is not an invention of Min Jin Lee. Rather it is a very clever reference to long-held, oft told rumor that a particular champagne glass was molded from Marie Antionette's breast. If you've ever seen anything set in the early 1900's, they were probably drinking champagne or cocktails from one of those glasses. It's hysterical, but most likely untrue. Champagne-...f4cf5a.jpg
I loved Stephen King as a teenager, and I still do. But re-reading him as an adult is pretty cringey. Every single female character is described anatomically.
Agreed. I can't re-read his old stuff and his new stuff is far too wordy. Looks like his son, the author Joe Hill, is a chip off the old block with the wordiness too.
Load More Replies... You know what? France is on lockdown again, l needed a good laugh, this trend overkilled it for me. Thank you so much for the laugh
They also think boobs are: (______😡______) (______😡_____)
Load More Replies... The comments on this post certainly improved the idiotic excerpts!
I have to wonder if there's an equally bad women writing men ... I mean really, why should it be so one sided?
There is some woman but some men think think that they are the dominant gender so usaly it’s men
Load More Replies... Why is it that I’m offended. I’m not like anything these idiots are writing about. I am in middle/high school and my breasts started developing in 3rd grade. Yet I seem to be offended. Most likely because I just kinda feel like men don’t pay attention to us and just our body. Like they see us as objects. I took a genius class. It was about the feminine and male genius and it wad incredibly enlightening. Women are supposed to protect the man’s heart and men are supposed to protect the woman. You should take one of those classes. It’s actually really helpful.
This makes my breasts laugh with toothy smiles, the left slightly more expressive than the other as my cleavage juts out in disgust. They talk amongst themselves in my bra, wondering if we should educate men. My right insists that the men of the world become competent, while the left argues that we wouldn't have as much reason to laugh at them. With which of my intelligent breasts do you agree?
I hate how women are stereotyped like this and are a sexual object for men to observe.
Reading through this post was just... PAINFULLY hilarious
Even as a man I cringed at the utter ridiculous paragraphs,who writes such books??
FYI, Michael Crichton studied to be a medical doctor but never actually practiced, just leapt into writing as a career. Which probably explains why he was able to get biological details about women so perfectly, and why I really wish he were still around to publish more novels. RIP.
This is as hilarious as it is horrific. We need the same thread for female authors talking about men. Romance novels are just as f'n ludicrous XD
I read the first 4 or 5. And as a female, I am just so offended. Are the male writers unmarried, virgins that they really know so little about women. And as I noted above, where are the proof readers? They must also be in the same category.!!
what the actual hell is wrong with men? why do they even WRITE this into their books?
James Patterson's "Murder Club" reads like he's never known any women in his life. Um, women who have been friends for over 20 years DO NOT have such stilted and formal conversations. And even though my best friend prefers to be called "Patricia", when we're alone she's "Pats".
I had to ask myself how did some of these get past the publishers? Getting past that some of these may be self-published - these examples seem to show males in the publishing/editing profession(s) also barely know anything about women...
Why on earth are theses thing published or not edited out. How I understand why Men know NOTHING about women....they only listen to over men
Many years ago when I was a pre-teen, I snuck away with a couple of my mom’s dirty novels. One described a woman having her period as the blood pouring down her legs and having to soak it all up with several of her boyfriend’s t-shirts. Even at my young age I knew that was a bit much, unless the author planned on her visiting the emergency room for hemorrhaging.
Guys, please write this down: breasts are not sentient in any way. They do not react to events or emotions. They grow the way they grow and then they stay that way. They might grow a little more during pregnancy and sag a little while ageing, but otherwise, they do nothing, I repeat, nothing. Also, nipples do not get hard when the woman is sexually aroused like your penis does.
Males support feminists, you know (not the ones that hate on men like the idiots in the comments, the ones that preach equality to males and females). I feel like this article wont start good feminism, it will start bad feminism. Oh, wait, it already has..
My favorite thing like this is a movie, not a book. Blade Runner 2049. Must have been written by 10-year-old boys who think a robot could be built that accidentally had the ability to give birth. Like, there is nothing special inside women that makes this happen. Meanwhile, the outsides of women's bodies are everywhere in 50-foot-high holograms.
She was tall, curvy, with wide, sumptuous thighs and tiny ankles. Her long, flowing hair, the color of a summer day, cascaded over her breasts. She was dandelion fluff, a raw sexual force, leaving nothing behind but the faint taste of chocolate on your lips. And damn, was she good with a knife. As I looked up at her, the knife in my chest, she flipped me off as only the most beautiful of women could.
I think in some cases, the authors are trying to make their male characters come off as sexist, breast-obsessed, creepy, etc. "Breasts walked by ... he didn't even look at her face." Don't hate the writers; hate the men they describe.
Sometimes, I think the best thing that could happen to the human race would be some kind of additive to the water that would drop the male sex drive by about 9/10. Then, maybe most of them could finally relate to women as something other than a pair of legs, a pair of tits, or a hole they want to stuff something into.
i wish my breasts would be more like theirs and stop being breasts that don't move :-(
😤😑By the Angel, thank Raziel THATS over. A couple of them, I had to go back and just stare at them for a little while to figure out what the HELL is going on. But most of them, I just stared off into the distance trying to figure out how they are so stupid! I hope these men don't describe real women like that. Or HAVE wives for that matter! I would NOT want to be married to an idiot like that! Hmph....sorry for my outburst. I am very passionate on writing and will try to not write at all like them. Dear Raziel they need help🥲
Im 12 and a boy and I know more about women than all of these people combined
I’m assuming in most of these books are the product of incels who wrote this while living in their mom’s basement
I am just totally stunned by the fact that no one have reacted before this sh-t went to print!!! Surely there must have been a proofreader, a publisher, a FRIEND, for haven sake, that could have said "Hey mate, I really don´t think it´s such good idea to write that that way..."
#19 is 9 perfect strangers by Liane Moriarty. She’s a woman, not sure why her book was included in this list.
Good god I write and I can a describe a woman's body but these blokes have they got it so wrong I am so glad we do not fit their idea of women with BREASTS. I am never aware of my breasts unless showering or dressing and getting them to sit just right in my bra.
F**k off lyone they are just trying to say that they are annoyed
Load More Replies... seriously though looking at book writing for proof or disproof or an understanding of the female body, isnt is as stupid as looking at a scifi film for an understanding of the working of quantum mechanics.
Lots of people. That's why Stephen King is an extremely rich and successful author maybe?
Load More Replies... Damn, these men must be lonely enough that they feel the need to say this
I guess that that is not "correct" but I need to say that too many women are not more intelligent. It is a tragedy that most of humans are conditioned so poorly.
Apart from the few named examples, most of these are crappy slash fic, self published. Just because you can get a book printed for you, doesn't make you an author
If you wanted to make a point, you could have at least used examples that didn't completely miss it. Most of them aren't even on topic, the few ones that are are all clearly not the authors thoughts, so what's the point of this article?
The writer needs to educate herself. “The vaginal wall is, in fact, the clitoris. If you lift the skin off the vagina on the side walls, you get the bulbs of the clitoris — triangular, crescental masses of erectile tissue,” Dr. O’Connell explained in an interview with the BBC in 2006. The clitoris has three major components: the glans clitoris, which is the only visible part of the organ, accounting for “a fifth or less” of the entire structurethe two crura, which extend, like brackets, down from the glans clitoris and deep into the tissue of the vulva, on either sidethe two bulbs of the vestibule, which extend either side of the vaginal orifice (not all researchers agree that the vestibular bulbs have a relation to the clitoris, however; researchers Vincenzo and Giulia Puppo, for instance, argue that the clitoris consists “of the glans, body, and crura” only) In its entirety, the clitoris may reach as many as 7 centimeters in length, if not longer, and the glans makes up about 4c
I could understand a lot of these comments when we're talking about male authors attempting to write from a woman's perspective, just like female authors completely failing while trying to write from a male's perspective... But most of these are the perspective of characters that are flawed or downright warped as part of the plotline... And then there's the complaints of "The Count of Monte Cristo" referring to 36 as "old." The book was published in 1844 when almost every woman was married by the age of 25. 36 would have been considered old for a woman to be unmarried.
It’s like no one has heard of metaphor or “the characters point of view”.
I’m sure a lot of these examples are supposed to be funny, or that in context the CHARACTER is supposed to be gross rather than the author.
To be fair (and at the risk of incurring the wrath of the BP downvote trolls), most female authors don't do a much better job of writing male characters. They tend to focus more on alleged male personality traits than anatomy, but they're often just as clueless as the guys who apparently think breasts are sentient beings. ;-)
Good point, but it’s less of a problem then young girls and women alike being oversexualized.
Load More Replies... These writers need to be named and shamed. Laugh in their faces and tell them what lousy writers they are.
Yeah, Stephen King's awful isn't he? Hope that guy never makes it big! 😂
Load More Replies... I always have to chuckle reading about articles that upset women so much for the way they are viewed by many ... I mean guys aren't popping ping-pong balls out of their privates for tips, or waving their junk around in hope that someone will buy them a drink ... ladies, just remember: your own kind most often give you all a bad rep for you actions, activities and just the simple things women take for granted (and NO, I am NOT saying ALL, but definitely a good portion of the female gender) ... so just think on this for a bit before getting your panties in such a bunch over so little ~ 'much ado about nothing'
The Firm by John Grisham: “She was beautiful, much more so than when they were married. At twenty-four she looked her age, but the years were becoming very generous.” She’s practically decrepit!
No. Most of these are clearly just written by men with weird ideas about women's bodies. The obsession with breasts is just too weird.
Load More Replies... Most of these were still written by men who make horrible and misogynist depictions of women. And the romance ones by women, at least they still humanize the men. The ones about women never are.
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