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People Would Have Preferred To Know These 30 Life Lessons Sooner, As Shared In This Online Group
It’s nicer to learn from others’ mistakes because you don’t need to go through that unpleasant or traumatic experience yourself to realize that you need to make a different decision or act in a different way.
Even though it is safe to say that the most valuable and memorable lessons are the ones that you go through yourself, it doesn’t hurt to listen to what advice more experienced people can give, especially if it is not that obvious and can prevent serious consequences in the future. That’s why Reddit user oigoabuya asked the internet “What are the lessons you learnt too late in life?” to which people replied with some valuable knowledge.
More info: Reddit
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#1
Just because you're blood related to someone, doesn't mean that you owe them anything. Toxic people are toxic people and you are not required to give them a single ounce of your attention if they are hurting you.
Luke Branwen 3 years ago
Family is like an appendix - you only have one, but when it becomes toxic, you cut it off for the sake of your health.
Jan Gardner 3 years ago
I'm shocked that people still think you can't cut ties just because of genetics. I forgive and move away.
Duane Ringlein 3 years ago
Broke off anything to do with my Mom because of how toxic she was, caused a rift between my sisters and I because they would acknowledge that she was toxic but was "the only mother we have". No regrets on my part, my life became a happier place without her.
Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
Learning this now with a cousin. Twice in two weeks, her words were hurtful and I even broke down crying (something I rarely let another make me do). As of this last event, there will be no more get togethers, no more plans outside of holiday with family groups. My mental health is more precious than keeping appearances.
Autumn Artemis 3 years ago
Blood is thicker than water. The whole saying however- “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Is a much better summary.
Ivy la Sangrienta 3 years ago
Especially parents thinking their kids owe them something for existing. They didn't ask to be born, that's on you, ma'am.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
Yep. I have 2 sisters that I refuse to have anything to do with. Toxic AF.
Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
It's hard to come to terms with this one because you are raised with these people. But I promise you.... putting distance between you and toxic relatives is the best thing you can ever do for your mental/physical/emotional health!
Mrs. EW 3 years ago
In law related, also. I’m a progressive and half of my in-law siblings have made it clear that we’re not welcome because we won’t let them use racist rhetoric around us and especially at our home. My nephew invited my son to their grandfathers birthday, I was unaware until just before he left. My in law-ed siblings said to our son that we planted him there, so we knew what was going on over there. Yeah, no. I was a bit upset that their pettiness has split us all, as I can get along fine with my Republican side of the family and we know how to put differences aside. But no, I don’t need to know or care what they do. Saying such to my son just shows how low they can go.
Chrmnl P 3 years ago
I just asked myself, if I was not related to these people, would I associate with them? When the answer was no, it was easy to go no contact with them. Why should I expose my children to people whose morals, life choices and general lifestyle are in direct opposition to everything I believe in and respect. Life was so much better without them.
Jerry Mathers 3 years ago
Anyone that is always talking about "the blood" or "family first" will, if not now then in the future, want something. I've never had a relative that was worth knowing and was older than 20 give me that speech.
Michael Largey 3 years ago
I think I owe my family fairness. And, as I am my very closest relative, this includes fairness to myself.
Enlee Jones 3 years ago
I didn’t talk to my toxic older sister for nearly 8 years. Now we just exchange the occasional Facebook memes and messages. I’ve completed cut my racist, ultra rightwing j@ck@ss uncle. He was one of those relatives I saw only once every 10-20 years so it wasn’t that hard to do.
Aunt Messy 3 years ago
Everyone is related to someone they'd cross the street to avoid if they saw them. It's ok not to permit them in your life.
Laurna Cron 3 years ago
I had to cut contact with a cousin. I love her to bits, but i am not her virtual punching bag.... It had to stop, keep. Up to. Date through my mum these days, less harmful for me mentally x
RELATED:
#2
Never put your education/ job / plans etc on hold for a boyfriend / girlfriend especially while in college, especially when you’re 19.
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
When I was 19 my brother was in university in England. I had never been to Europe (I live in CA) he offered me a free place to stay and wanted me to come out and travel all over Europe with him and his friends. My boyfriend at the time said he'd break up with me if I went, so I didn't go. Looking back, him leaving me over that would be reason enough to have gone.
#3
Listen to your gut instinct. If something feels off about a person or situation, there’s a reason. Believe it the first time and walk away
ArodTheHorrible 3 years ago
This is sound advice. You don't have to justify it, either... the fact that you are uncomfortable is reason enough to go
#5
Sometimes you can do everything right and still fail.
Headless Roach 3 years ago
They say success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm 🙃
#7
I think, oddly, the lesson I learned is that there is no such thing as 'too late in life' - at 26, I was homeless, out of rehab, and broke. Things have changed dramatically for the better.
#8
Look after your knees and your teeth.
Russ Kincade 3 years ago
Brush at night to keep your teeth and brush in the morning to keep your friends!
#9
You shouldn’t care what your high school experience was good or bad or what your classmates think of you because who cares about high school after 18?
If high school was your peak you have a sh**ty life ahead
Headless Roach 3 years ago
I can barely remember my university... what an old headless roach I have become 😏
#10
That a death in the family brings out the worst in people.
Well-Dressed Wolf 3 years ago
My dad died last year. My mother is still lying to people and saying my dad is still alive. She refused to even tell his brother and sister that he died. It isn’t a mental issue on her part - she’s just a mean, narcissistic a-hole who likes soaking up the pity points she gets for “caring for a disabled husband”.
#11
That you can't please everyone so you shouldn't worry about trying to
Eat Dirt Crow 3 years ago
I can only please one person per day. Today's not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either.
#12
Don't bring things home from work.
I had a bad day at work. Came home and got in an argument with my gf about something...and stopped halfway. Yes, she really had done something, but the only reason I got so angry about it was because...I had already been angry, from work. Otherwise i might have just let it go.
From then on I learned to separate work from home. I was 28. I felt like this was a lesson I should have learned earlier.
#13
Your boss is NOT looking out for YOUR best interests. He is looking out for HIS best interests.
Corporate has no loyalty to you. You are just a replaceable cog.
Nice guys rarely get promoted. They just get more responsibility. Semi-aggressive advancement planning and prioritizing the advancement tasks over items specified in job description is about the only way to advance salary faster than what is paid to new hires. Even then jumping ship is usually the best way to advance salary and get more responsibility.
Hugh Cookson 3 years ago
Always make sure you get yourself into a position where you know more than anyone else does in the organisation or are not easy to replace ; then play mind games with your immediate superiors. Hints about leaving are good, leaving an unfinished CV on your desk is better. Words in ears are even better .....
#14
You shouldn’t try doing a backflip for the first time when you’re drunk.
ArodTheHorrible 3 years ago
There is much more to the story that taught this wisdom that I would love to hear
#15
I know this sounds wrong but hear me out. DONT do what you love for a living, unless it pays well. Research your career path before choosing one and prioritize potential earnings and time off. Do what gets you the most money and benefits with the least amount of time invested. Do what you love in your free time, making it your career can ultimately make you resent it and lose your enthusiasm for the hobby you love most. Almost every job becomes a mundane chore if you do it every day, no matter how much you enjoy it now. I know it’s anecdotal, but, I always loved wrenching on cars. I started tinkering long before I could drive. I’m damn good at it and made a career out of it. The problem is, doing it every day has made me lose interest in doing it for fun. I don’t have cool projects anymore. I see cars as basic transportation now and have no interest in building/modifying anything. The pay isn’t terrible, but it isn’t great either. If I could do it again I’d have kept it as a hobby and gone into a field that is boring but pays for REAL life outside of work. Ultimately work is a means to an end for most people and all of the high minded ideals of “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” stuff is b******t. Get that money, retire as soon as you can, and live life to the fullest while you can.
Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago
So true. If you turn what you love to do for fun into something you have to do to survive, it quickly becomes no fun to do anymore.
#16
People aren't thinking about you even a fraction of the amount you think they're thinking about you.
You're noise in a lifetime of experiences and a busy mind. This is a good thing. It means you can just get what you need from people and not over think it, safe in the knowledge that they'll forget you almost immediately.
#17
1) Soul mates aren't a thing. 2) Learn to fight in a relationship without raising your voice and keep a check on your emotions, it's you and your SO against the problem not you against them.
Max M 3 years ago
Whem me and my gf moved together, i was not used to being yelled at, and she was used to yell during arguments from home. My brain made some kind of shut off, and made me think, this is to noisy, i go away from the noise. She got pissed but with time we found common ground, talking in normal volume about problems, and i didnt walk away.
#18
We all make mistakes, dont dwell on it
Mabelbabel 3 years ago
Don't dwell on it, certainly, but learn from it and find out how you can do better next time.
#19
If you made mistakes, always confront them and the consequences right away. Waiting doesn't make it better, it makes it worse.
Deborah Harris2 3 years ago
True just get it over and done with. Bottling something inside you just adds to the guilt.
#21
You can lose a finger wearing a ring.
Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago
And that's why I don't wear a ring. I do industrial maintenance and could very easily lose a finger or worse. My wife would prefer to have me fully functional. She knows I'm not going anywhere, ring or no ring.
#22
1) You are not obliged to love your parents. This is a hard one but some parental behaviours get toxic and you can't possibly keep them happy constantly
2) You are not obliged to constantly help out / listen to people especially when they take too much help / vent to you too much. Let people make mistakes. Let them learn
3) Just because you did well in primary school doesn't mean everything will come to you automatically in life; learn to put real effort into your work
4) A lot of people you meet will be cold, cruel and selfish. You will get used. Life is a constant struggle to avoid being one of those people.
#23
People will tell you a lot of things, but their actions are what is important. Someone will tell you that they will always be there for you, but that is not guaranteed. They will say they want you to be happy, but then do things that hurt you. Sometimes without knowing, sometimes on purpose, sometimes because they are a coward.
#24
It's always better to do your work immediately rather than putting it off for later.
Deborah Harris2 3 years ago
I always leave the hardest task 'til last, I really wish I didn't.
#25
Be patient and wait. It's better to be alone than with someone that doesn't respect you.
No matter how much or good your are to someone, some of them will screw you over.
Always look after yourself first.
Start early with physical hobby and keep fit, you have one body and there is no replay.
If you love someone but they don't love you.. move on. It will hurt like hell but in the long run, you'll be happier.
Giving money doesn't equate to affection, the gratitude will be short lived and you'll only be an ATM to them in the near future.
#26
Looking back so far, here’s my list of gotta dos:
1. Get a skill. College, intern, trade school, self taught - doesn’t matter. Get a skill.
2. Minimize your debt. Do anything to stave off picking up loans, racking up credit cards. Even with a skill, if half your money goes to paying debt, you’re gonna have a bad time.
3. Don’t chase others (relationships). Be the best you possible. Read. Work out. Think. Be happy by yourself. People like people who have a story to tell. Don’t live through others.
Thomas Ewing 3 years ago
Don't be a clingy dependant. Stand on your own two feet like a solid citizen.
#27
Never allow someone to treat you as their therapist. If they tell you all their problems but get defensive about your simple requests, they are not worth your time.
#28
The value of responsibility, to me it's an ethical thing. Doing the right thing eases your conscience so much more than just doing what you feel like doing. Sure it can be stressful, but you sleep so much better and feel more at ease when you do what you know is right.
#29
That flossing really does help.
#30
That there IS hope for you to fix your mental health problems. I left things for 10 years not knowing there was decent help to be had. Although to be fair, things have progressed a lot since then
Rich Cronshey 3 years ago
Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional, and the best way to experience more joy is to become more willing to experience disappointment and loss. Easier said than done for sure.
#31
Dental hygeine should have always been a priority. Only really had a few bad years at end of teens/early 20s where I'd go to sleep without brushing teeth every day or go for regular checkups. The cavities are permanent. The crowns I have still feel weird to me ten years later.
To be straight up I think I am also just unlucky with genetics because I know people who don't care for their teeth almost ever and have no problems. But you really don't want to find out which person you are by not staying on top of things.
Hill Branda 3 years ago
Very true. Not taking care of your teeth will cause you all sorts of grief that will last for years.
#32
To become more comfortable being uncomfortable
#33
If you don’t drink enough water and are constantly dehydrated, you could get kidney stones
Hill Branda 3 years ago
Yes, not drinking enough can cause kidney stones to be difficult to pass, but how many stones form is often due to having a poor diet. Too much meat or salt can cause stones, or you may be genetically predisposed to forming stones.
#34
I should have had enough basic self-esteem to realise that, if I can attract (somebody I think is) the most wonderful girl in the world, then I can probably manage to attract another one.
(Rather than stay in a relationship that I knew wasn't making me happy, but at the same time, I didn't think I could ever be any happier.)
#35
Live the life in front of you.
#36
Don't give your 100% on someone if you're not able to give 100% on you.
#37
I don't need many friends. I need self development.
#38
You have to like... actively take care of your body. Health is not a passive measure of avoiding things that are bad for you. It takes time and effort to keep your body working in all the right ways. This doesn't mean just exercising to a point of exhaustion every day, but includes stretching and breathing exercises to make sure you're not staying tense after the workout, and to make sure you're effectively exercising when you do. You have to constantly question proper form and change your ways when you've been doing something improperly. It takes dedication and intelligence. It's not easy and you'll keep telling yourself you live a healthy lifestyle until it's too late.
Bunzilla 3 years ago
But also accept that sometimes, even though you're looking after yourself... your body can still betray you. The thing a lot of people either don't realize or don't want to accept is that a large portion of good health is sheer luck. You can be living the healthiest lifestyle ever and still have your body betray you. Not trying to be alarmist, just saying that if it does happen to you; IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. And to everyone else; please be nicer to the disabled. It could have been you.
What do you think ?
Emma S 3 years ago
Don't use drugs or alcohol to make yourself feel better or to treat mental health issues. It makes the situation a lot worse because the withdrawals the next day make you more anxious, you'll probably end up owing someone an apology for something you said/did, you'll end up spending money you don't have and you'll end up feeling very embarrassed about your behaviour while your original problem is still there. Yes, I found this out the hard way.
Justacrow 3 years ago
Pot is legal in my state and people are weirded out that I won't partake. My family's history of substance abuse and addictive behaviors (addicted to the high, not that pot is chemically addictive) and my own mental health issues make me want to avoid it all out. I am fine with others using it, but I just do not want to get near the issues others in my family are going through
Load More Replies...
Joyce Blodgett 3 years ago
I do agree with the "don't do what you love for a living" thought. I love to draw, to make my own greeting cards, and do landscapes, but I do it because I love it, not to make any kind of money from it. I refuse to ever turn it into a business because I don't ever want to hate it. I've seen it happen too many times to not think it's real.
AwesomeLeoWife 3 years ago
This post is unnecessarily negative and doesn’t cover real life situations because everything and everyone is unique.
Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 3 years ago (edited)
I've seen this somewhere else. Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff. In all seriousness: learn to laugh at your mistakes and know that you're loved
Octavia Hansen 3 years ago
Work with what you have. Don't use the words "I should have" or "I remember when" -- do something now. Think about where you will be in the future and what it takes to get there. Do say you missed the boat -- find out when the next one sails into the future. Or make your own boat!
Emma S 3 years ago
Don't use drugs or alcohol to make yourself feel better or to treat mental health issues. It makes the situation a lot worse because the withdrawals the next day make you more anxious, you'll probably end up owing someone an apology for something you said/did, you'll end up spending money you don't have and you'll end up feeling very embarrassed about your behaviour while your original problem is still there. Yes, I found this out the hard way.
Justacrow 3 years ago
Pot is legal in my state and people are weirded out that I won't partake. My family's history of substance abuse and addictive behaviors (addicted to the high, not that pot is chemically addictive) and my own mental health issues make me want to avoid it all out. I am fine with others using it, but I just do not want to get near the issues others in my family are going through
Load More Replies... Joyce Blodgett 3 years ago
I do agree with the "don't do what you love for a living" thought. I love to draw, to make my own greeting cards, and do landscapes, but I do it because I love it, not to make any kind of money from it. I refuse to ever turn it into a business because I don't ever want to hate it. I've seen it happen too many times to not think it's real.
AwesomeLeoWife 3 years ago
This post is unnecessarily negative and doesn’t cover real life situations because everything and everyone is unique.
Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 3 years ago (edited)
I've seen this somewhere else. Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff. In all seriousness: learn to laugh at your mistakes and know that you're loved
Octavia Hansen 3 years ago
Work with what you have. Don't use the words "I should have" or "I remember when" -- do something now. Think about where you will be in the future and what it takes to get there. Do say you missed the boat -- find out when the next one sails into the future. Or make your own boat!
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