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Women Reveal What Innocent Behaviors They Had To Change In Fear Of Sending Men The Wrong Message
Can you imagine keeping your friendly comments like compliments to yourself so that a person of the opposite gender wouldn’t get the wrong impression? Well, if you’re a woman, you probably know it very well. Because sadly, many women out there have had to change their customs, behaviors, and gestures in such a way that men won’t have a chance to interpret them the way they want.
And this thread on r/AskReddit has given this very common, yet little talked-about practice a much-needed spotlight. “What innocent behaviors have you changed out of fear you might be mistaken for leading men on?” someone asked and the sea of answers came flooding in.
From totally muting any signs of general affection to avoiding eating bananas in public, and making sure you bend your knees and squat down when picking something up from the ground, it’s incredible how women have to put up with men’s egos on a daily basis in order to protect themselves. Or is it all just overthinking? Hit us in the comment section and share what you think of it!
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#1
Mentioning that I have a girlfriend, weirdly enough. You know how saying you have a boyfriend is normally pretty good for making guys go away? Well, saying you have a girlfriend just leads to a bunch of gross questions and offers of "if you're ever looking for a threesome, hit me up" (gag). Like what, does this guy think I'll go home and excitedly tell my gal pal, "Guess what? I met a guy at a bar, and, you won't believe this, he wants to have SEX with BOTH of us!! What a rare and exciting offer, we need to take him up on this!"
TheBlackPanda (JustABlackBear) 4 years ago
I think this is because guys watch too much porn. They think that's how the real world works. "Lesbians" in one porno might be seen having a threesome with a guy in another porno. This makes guys think lesbians might be interested in them too
J. F. 4 years ago
There's the trope of making a gay/lesbian person straight through intercourse in porn - quite niché though
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Monika Rhodes 4 years ago
I got quite a few creeps over the fb messenger. Saying you're married doesn't work much. I got my husband to call them back and then they magically believed me. Even tho I told them to FO all the time before I mention being married.
Rembrandt Q. Einstein 4 years ago
After reading through all of these it makes me sad how insensitive, stupid, ignorant, rude and just clueless some guys are. As a dad of two daughters it makes me want to give each of them a taser and a club. Dang. Sorry ladies, you definitely deserve to be more respected than you are.
Cory Tollman 4 years ago
Isn't having good sex with one person at a time enough to manage? More sounds better but is it? I think the alternate timeline in "Friends" is what I always picture happening in a threesome. Ross had a threesome with Carol (still his wife in this timeline) and Susan (Carol's wife in the main timeline), Carol's friend and not even halfway through he ends up a third wheel while the other two continue on.
David carro 4 years ago
You can say exactly that to the guy. Make him feel concious of the stupidity he just said.
RELATED:
#2
Trying to politely decline their advances. Sometimes I have to be rude just for them to get the point.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
This. Women are taught to be nice, kind, polite. We should be able to say bugger off without explaining and without the "smile".
A B C 4 years ago
And men should be taught to be nice, kind and polite as well and accept a "no" as what it is - a "no". Not a "maybe" and certainly not a "yes". I hope we as a society get to that point somewhen.
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Marilyn Ransberry 4 years ago
I know someone who has a stalker because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. She is probably n her sixties. Happens to all ages.
BoredHuman 4 years ago
Then they freak out and call you a stuck up bitch ( I was only trying to be nice bitch. Why you have to act like that)
Monika Rhodes 4 years ago
I was never nice. I'd tell them to f**k off and they still carry on. Blocking is the only thing that works.
Stoopham McFernybabes 4 years ago
I swear this stock photo is near my house in Parramatta Park.
Celtic Pirate Queen 4 years ago
Huh. I don't have any problem whatsoever telling some random guy to f*ck off. Is it an American thing? (Or is it just that I am finally sick of everyone's sh*t?)
Dave van Es 4 years ago
And that's why there is satanism. It says: If you do not want something, tell them nicely. If they don't/won't listen, destroy them
#3
Asking a question or giving them a compliment.
But the worst thing is when I've walked back to my car alone and in the dark. I'd been out that day and was wearing cute and kind of revealing clothes. A guy followed me from the train station to where I'd parked (about 10 minutes), and when I got in my car he started to yell at me for leading him on. We hadn't spoken, but we'd made eye contact a couple of times on the hour long train ride, which seemed to be enough for him.
I didn't think that the phrase "leading someone along" was so literal, but okay.
snipergun 4 years ago
That guy should be castrated. Sorry for such strong statement l, but that's what we do with dogs and bunnies which try to hump everything in vicinity...
BoredHuman 4 years ago (edited)
I had this happen while I walked home, pizza box in hand, wearing jeans and a sweat-shirt at 9PM. Some guy was standing in front of a school fence I passed and our eyes briefly locked. I noticed he was following me when he took all the turns and streets I did. I walked to a well lit house, turned around and yelled "Why are you following me" He replied that he though I wanted him to follow me for sex because I gave him the look. Then he wondered aloud why I was yelling at him. He looked genuinely confused that I was freaked out and yelling at him. I read a story once about a woman who was followed in her car because the guy behind her thought she had somehow signalled him to follow her for sex. It was late and she was simply driving home from work. I am confused. Is this type of thing normal in the casual/stranger sex world ? Seems very bizarre.
LaGitanaTriste 4 years ago
Wow thank god you were safe! Seriously some psycho incels out there
#4
Being young.
Turning fifty was the best idea I've ever had.
Devil's Advocate 4 years ago
Except then you get a different kind of guy giving you too much attention
BoredHuman 4 years ago
Ha, think that stops it. The creeps just get older. My 80 year old neighbour makes creepy sexual comments to me all the time. I finally told him to stop and he accused me of coming on to him. Why? because I am chatty and would stop to say hello if I passed by him on my way out ( or his wife) Pathetic.
M Calad 4 years ago
For me the worst is single men in their late 30's. It's seems that most guys at that age have this urge to find their other half at any cost. So if you are female and single, you are a match. And if you have an aceptable physique, even better! I truly hope this urge disappears in their 40s. I truly enjoy friendship with men (is that possible?). Just that pressure is not fun.
#5
If I have to pick something off the ground I bend my legs and squat down to do it so it doesn't look like I'm showing off my a*s, even though it'd be a lot easier to just bend down.
Mystery Egg 4 years ago
terrible for your knees if you're my age. But then again, if you're my age, no one wants to look at your a**e anymore anyway
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Enby.Minecraft.Bee. 4 years ago
I always bend down like this just because i feel more comfortable doing this.
Kr-8YzEe zùt 4 years ago
I understand completely how this could be a pain , however, as a 47 year old heterosexual male, I'm really confused as to how folk now let the opposite sex know they are attracted to each other. I'm not talking about men sitting perving over all and every woman, that's just creepy, but attraction starts , especially with strangers, with physical attraction.....this old geezer is kinda confused I'll admit.
Becky Samuel 4 years ago
There's a pretty obvious difference between having a quick look at someone you fancy and sitting there leering.
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Metallic Geisha 4 years ago
"It's better for your back to bend your knees anyway" IS NOT THE POINT HERE.
#6
Let's just say I don't eat bananas in public anymore.
Monday 4 years ago
Ah I had a friend eat one like this in public in Uni. She found a guy to make eye contact with and started suggestively eating the banana, then when she was sure she had his attention she took the most vicious bite out of it she could and we could have sworn he actually flinched.
Lynne Harbison 4 years ago
I have always broken pieces off to eat, after getting a very crude remark from a colleague years ago.
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Melvin Dragvelk 4 years ago
Unless you are sliding the banana in and out of your mouth while moaning, there is nothing sexual about a woman eating a banana.
Christopher Gerlach 4 years ago
No one should. And if you must, pick chunks of it with your fingers.
Marcellus II 4 years ago
Just don't seek out eye contact and stop thinking about connotations and you're fine. Sometimes a banana is a banana.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 2 years ago
Lmao, this cracked me up bc there’s a guy at my school who likes to show off his ability to deep-throat an entire banana.
#7
I gradually stopped going to our local board games community after several people hinted that I was doing it to get male attention and find a "nerdy boyfriend."
That was pretty soulcrushing. I just genuinely loved board games.
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
Get a group of girls together and go. I have had the best time with students and their friends playing at the local games shop
snipergun 4 years ago
Get a group of girls together to play board games? Most feminist thing I probably heard. Hell no! Go and play board games ffs. Did people who were playing hint that you do it to find bf? Mostly it's people on outside who never attended. And so what if you'd meet there someone you like and have something in common and start dating? That's how world was dating before tinder. If someone from the group hinted this, tell them to stop giving you attention then. Done.
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Tedus 4 years ago
Had the same when i started doing pilates as a male. The classes was packed (as most) with females - and one even told me openly that i am for sure only there to get one. Am doing it for 10 years now as it makes me feel good. I dont like to be considered an asshole just because of my sex.
Mamabear76 4 years ago
That really sucks. I would be like the hell with that and continue going, if you are having fun and no one at the board games have an issue than I see no reason to stop. People can be so immature.
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
And then men complain when events or clubs are made 'women only' . . .
LaGitanaTriste 4 years ago
Jeez. And even if you were, that’s your business. Why do people have to be so sh*tty. I hope you find what makes you happy. Don’t let other people dictate your life to you. I for one think it’s really brave to put yourself out there like that in the first place trying to do what you enjoy.
#8
Today, apparently, I shouldn't have carried a nightstand down the street. It was a little awkward but not heavy at all, and some dude came up to me and tried to take it from my hands, unasked. I held onto it and told him, "no thanks." He kept pulling on it. I had to ask him to let go. When I said "Jesus Christ" he went on, "oh, like it was such a bad thing." Yes, dude, that was absolutely a bad way to try to help someone out. You don't take something from someone's hands unbidden if you actually want to help them. Frankly, you pulling a medium-large object from my grasp makes me think you're trying to steal from me or con me.
Colin Matthews 4 years ago
Thats odd behaviour from anyone. If he tried it with another guy he'd get his head rearranged
Me Oh My 4 years ago
If he'd try it with anyone, no matter the gender, he should get his head rearranged. It would probably be an improvement.
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Valisbourne Spiritforge 4 years ago
You ask before you 'help'. You ask prior to about everything except holding open a door (I do this for most folks). Consent is given not assumed.
BoredHuman 4 years ago
If u had let him help he would have expected something in return. Like a date.
Pamela Blue 4 years ago
Generally if someone wants to help, they ask first? Like, "may I help you carry that?" or whatever - and then accept the answer when you say "no thanks, I'm fine." Sheesh!
Soyexfox 4 years ago
but i will say this, women have been so used to guys doing something nice for then and then turning around and expecting something in return i have to say i do sometimes feel say for the males because what if that man was genuinely just trying to help and be nice, its really sad because women cant afford to think, 'oh might have just been a genuinely nice guy trying to lend a hand'
S. 4 years ago
Simple solution: Ask. A simple "Hey, do you need help with that?" will do.
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Cory Tollman 4 years ago
I get a little warry when strangers offer to help me carry stuff from or to my home. A little less so but similarly to and from my truck. Some people are generally kind and want to be helpful but a lot of the time I think they are going for some sort of angle. Whether they are planning to hit on you, rob or attack you, ask for money/try to sell you something, or "let me tell you about Jesus" you.
#9
Whenever I'm talking with a guy, I'm always super conscious about not mentioning too soon or too late that I have a significant other. Too soon, and it's 'jeez, I was just making conversation!' Too late, and it's 'jeez, way to lead me on!' Thankfully, since becoming engaged, this is less and less of a problem, as my ring sort of speaks for itself on its own.
Wistiti 4 years ago
I had this dilemma this summer at a wedding. I was talking to a younger man (yes, when you're nearly 40, they all seem so young) and I was there wondering "should I tell him I have kids and a man that I'm very happy with"? And then I said nothing.... I thought "f**k, chill, it's only a conversation".
Marcellus II 4 years ago
Very similar to young male teachers also putting on a ring, to avoid being hit upon by their underage girl students (and the accusations that can follow after declining them).
Sky Render 4 years ago
It's kind of sad that mentioning you have an SO is considered grounds for halting any sort of conversation for certain men. Then again, if all they're interested in is what's under my clothes, I'm not sure I'd want to talk to them anyway...
Marja Berisa 3 years ago
Just wear a ring that you like without being engaged, what's the big deal if it works? You don't have to be engaged for that.
Celtic Pirate Queen 4 years ago
Even when I was single, I wore a ring on my left hand. It really does help* keep the weirdos at bay.
#10
Being in shape. Many men think that women get in shape solely to impress them, so fitness is like an open invitation for unsolicited attention.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
I don't know men who think that but if you meet up with one you can tell him to get lost. Don't stop taking care or yourself and your health because of a couple of morons.
Joanna 4 years ago
If telling him to get lost worked, she wouldn't be sharing this.
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Denise Melek 4 years ago
Its more like a good side effect is, i could run away or defend myself being fit :(
CatWoman312 4 years ago
Or being fat then we're reminded that women are solely made for their amusement and being fat offends that
Reka_H 4 years ago (edited)
I was running in the park near here and a guy with motorbike started to slowly follow me along on the road next to me. He was pointing constantly to his backseat asking if I want to ride with him...??? Bonus: With his helmot ON. Sure no way. I hope noone joined him like this. Ever.
ChickyChicky 4 years ago
Getting in shape in public. Going for a run, or biking, or walking, or running stairs, or stretching. Apparently these are all activities that are okay for men to comment on.
Deutschland Mädchen 4 years ago
How about this for a big shocker. Maybe.... maybe I'm getting in shape and working out...BECAUSE I LIKE IT AND WANT TO
#11
Acknowledging that I recognized any of my male 'regulars' back when I worked at retail. Seems like good customer service, right? Remembering that Joe always gets 3 packs of reds or Mac gets a six-pack on days [Sports team] is playing away, or asking Jake how his car rebuild is coming. Yeah, that's how I got stalked, followed home, and threatened verbally with rape when I explained that I'd only ever been professionally friendly. The cops dismissed the matter because it was he said /she said (Jake said I'd invited him over) and no damage had been done , my coworker/roommate cheerfully told them how friendly I'd been with Jake whenever he came into the store, and my employer refused to ban him.
snipergun 4 years ago
Sad and dangerous. Let's wait till someone get hurt or worse than somebody will maybe do something. I'm sorry that's how it goes. Hope you found better job. I know money is money but force people to serve someone who already showed aggression towards employee is terrible.
Pat Fisher 4 years ago
A guy at Metro Market wouldn’t leave a female coworker alone. She complained to HR, nothing. This escalated for several years. He got fired. He waited a few months, came back to the store and killed her in the parking lot. Her parents are suing Metro Market. Sun Prairie Wisconsin.
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GirlFriday 4 years ago
I was friendly to the attendant at our local sports stadium because I am friendly person and he was great at his job. This got me stalked and he waited by my car in the parking garage three times. I had to have the police walk me to my car. I WAS JUST BEING NICE.
deanna woods 4 years ago
I am sorry that happened to you. Don't stop being nice because of this guy. The world needs nice people.
Load More Replies... LaGitanaTriste 4 years ago
Ayfkm? This just triggered me! Please tell me you quit and ditched your roommate. I legit would have punched that B in the face for betraying me like that. But that’s just me. I’m so sorry that disgusting negligence and utter disregard for your safety was perpetrated against you. You deserve better.
BoredHuman 4 years ago
Got followed and he tried to kiss me. I complained and my manager said " There is friendly and then there is too friendly" So I was blamed for this idiot taking my customer service skills as a come on. This has happened so many times in my 25 years in customer service. I worked at a large dept store in the 80ties and a customer was seen driving from the employee entrance to the main entrance over and over again waiting for me to leave. Security had to drive me home. Really sad that good customer service, which is expected, is taken as flirting.
Mari 4 years ago
You did a good job and your manager blamed you? What an idiot!
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deanna woods 4 years ago
That is so awful. People come through the drive thru at the restaurant I work at and I know what they are there for. No one would ever stalk me just because I knew that they wanted a large coke with light ice or a large sweet tea.
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
And how do you know that for certain? Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it would never happen.
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#12
Not accepting any favor from a man. No rides. No coffees. Avoid avoid. It sucks.
GirlFriday 4 years ago
SO MUCH THIS. My garage door broke and I was having to lift it manually to put my car in an out for a few days. One of my neighbors offered to help me fix it and I accepted the help then he started showing up at my door at random times to visit and became VERY angry when I told him I wasn't interested. I will struggle by myself everyday before I accept from a man again.
Helen Haley 4 years ago
Majority of men of certain age groups see relationships of any variety as transactionary. It massively sucks.
LaGitanaTriste 4 years ago
✅ refuse customers every day. A simple small coffee can be blown out of context right quick. Also why I never flirted on the job even when I was single.
Cory Tollman 4 years ago
I gave a female co-worker a ride home in my truck after work one morning. I was trying to adjust something behind the (bench) seat while I was driving and it made her just about jump out of her skin because I had reached toward her. I think at first glance it almost looked like I was making the old reach the old arm over move. I still feel bad about it even though I wasn't trying anything.
Metallic Geisha 4 years ago
Oh God no, never accept a favor from a guy, unless he's your dad/brother/cousin/uncle/nephew!!!! I got my ass beat a couple of times bc "I didn't pay/settle up" aka put out to repay said favor.
#13
there was that time when i was eleven and i started needing a training bra and my teacher gave me a weird talk about keeping bra straps hidden at all times? i didn't even know how to properly adjust the straps so they wouldnt slide and i really didn't need Mr. N's bra strap advice as an impressionable eleven year old
Random Panda 4 years ago
It's so creepy a teacher would notice a kid's bra straps and then talk to them about it. Ew.
chrissy goodman 4 years ago
if its a female teacher then ok it makes sense its a womens topic but she said MR. N so ya its creepy
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Soyexfox 4 years ago
i know people think the teacher is been creepy and maybe he was i wasn't there, but maybe he was actually giving you the advice because he knew there were creeps out there
Soyexfox 4 years ago
if a teacher man or woman told my to cover something up for there own good i recon id be grateful just my opinion because i like the fact that people try and keep kids safe no matter how creepy it may or may not come across. if it was a female teacher i wonder if anyone would have the same opinion
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Jaybird3939 4 years ago
I think this male teacher was having a much harder time with his own "urges" than you ever had getting that dang bra strap problem solved. It never goes away. I'm 57 and I still haven't gotten it figured out.
Something Different 4 years ago
oh WOW, a female teenager?!?! Having a BRA ON!?!?!?! SOMEONE CALL VICTORIA, HER SECRET IS OUT!!!!!
IlovemydogShilo 4 years ago (edited)
I had a worse one. I had started my periods and was wearing sanitary towels (pads). One day after class my teacher asked me to give him some work from the previous day that I had in my bag. As I took out the book a pad fell out. He picked it up and gave it back to me making me feel really embarrassed but then he said "You know, tampons are much better than pads, I have a spare one in my drawer in case they're needed by other girls and I can give it to you if you like. If you don't know how to fit them inside yourself we can go into the toilets and I can show you how to if you like. I know how to as my wife uses them all the time. I was 13 at the time. He was well in her 40s. I hated that teacher. He was such a creep.
Beth Arriaga 4 years ago
That's just creepy. And no, bra straps are Not bad. The fact no one trusts boys to not regard those straps as sexual is what is wrong with these idiots.
#14
I don't let on to any guys I just met that I'm into gaming, especially if I know they're gamers too. There's still this stereotype floating around the gaming community that women who game are a rarity or they're not really a gamer, just a slut trying to get male attention. So if I bring up gaming early on I usually get one of two responses: either the guy keeps hitting on me relentlessly or I get the Gaming Pop Quiz. Any woman who plays games knows exactly what the Gaming Pop Quiz is.
There's also a third option which happens way less often, but I've experienced it all the same: guy just outright becomes hostile, like I've dared to step foot in the boys only clubhouse or something. In all of my 20+ years of gaming that's only happened to me twice, though.
And just a disclaimer: most of the guys I meet while I'm actually gaming are cool dudes. For some reason I only get this behavior out in the wild.
Tobias Rieper 4 years ago (edited)
I love it when I meet anyone who is a gamer regardless if they are female or not I just wanna talk about games what games do you play are you excited for this game or DLC thats coming out
Soap 4 years ago
Ooo, have you played Final Fantasy before? It's one of my favorites, with Thr Legend of Zelda [mainly Twilight Princess]
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I I 4 years ago
i get crap for gaming at 50 , like 12 year olds think other 12 year olds make the games they play and not grown ass adults , bugs the crap out of me
TheBlackPanda (JustABlackBear) 4 years ago (edited)
Don't listen to the little brats. Keep playing
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Peppy Piplup 4 years ago
Or you get laughed at for playing a "girl's game" like Pokémon, Kirby or Animal Crossing and get told to play a "real game." 🙄
Bender Bending Rodríguez 4 years ago
Real game is what? FIFA? Tell them to play real sport LOL.
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lightbulb 4 years ago
I'm super into gaming but this is the exact reason I never talk about it to anyone. You'll always face either ridicule or the pop quiz.
Tobias Rieper 4 years ago
ignore those morons my fellow gamer a gamer is a gamer regardless of age gender or species even a pair of socks could be a gamer if they wanted screw gate keeping idiots or people who ridicule you they bog off
Load More Replies... Valisbourne Spiritforge 4 years ago
Love girl gamers. Especially for pen & paper RPGs. They just think and react differently than the guys do, it brings a whole new flavor to a game.
CatWoman312 4 years ago
I flat out hate multiplayer games. As soon as they hear a females voice they go overboard with trying to help you and give you unsolicited advice.
Elena Snyder 4 years ago
I play video games and a girl. I usually just get glares and they don't talk to me anymore after I tell them.
Stormapotamus 4 years ago
I am into horror and comic books, and I get the same pop quizzes about that stuff. Then they act SO surprised when I know all the things. Like, "Oh wow, a WOMAN can like this stuff too?" So f*****g annoying.
#15
I work retail. So I've had to stop wearing makeup, stop smiling, and entirely stop being polite. Because as soon as I smile and say "how are you today?" I get told he's going to "take me out to dinner and put me in lacy panties," and then goes to my coworkers to find out what time I clock out.
Cecile Pollitt 4 years ago
For them to do what? All they'll say is there is nothing they can do.
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Mamabear76 4 years ago
I worked in retail and my coworkers as well as myself never gave out our information to any stranger. I believe this is a rule anywhere you work in customer service.
Cory Tollman 4 years ago
I don't even give out much information to my co-workers.
Load More Replies... Bender Bending Rodríguez 4 years ago (edited)
No employee should be giving out other employee's/co-worker's schedules to anyone. No matter even if person said they are co-worker's father/mother/sister/brother/BF/GF/friend/professor/president of their country. You never give out other co-worker's schedule to anyone unless you have consent from said employee/co-worker.
Maribel Reigstad 4 years ago
So true, I laugh a lot when I talk, doesn’t matter if I am nervous or not. I stopped doing that because after many years I realized I was sending the wrong message to men. Sad.
Laura Moulton Cain 4 years ago
i stopped wearing make up, and got my hair cut very very short. it helped. but i hated it.
#16
Showing any kind of concern for a guy. Like if you have a guy friend that looks sad and you try to be a good friend and comfort them that's seen as flirting somehow. (plus most of the stuff everyone else posted)
Otter 4 years ago
This is a problem that dades away with time and maturity. And is replaced by the expectation of mothering.
Pangolin Pal 4 years ago
I wish. Also, and quite repulsively, the exact same guys who expect romantic/sexual attention from pretty much ANY woman who so much as smiles at them while doing her service job (which of course involves BEING PLEASANT TO THE CUSTOMER), would find it unspeakably repulsive for a not-conventionally-attractive woman (over 60 years old, or considerably overweight, or with a visible disability) to aggressively expect romantic/sexual attention from that nice young man serving up her Frappuccino at Starbucks, because he was so polite and friendly when he rang her up.
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RandomBeing 4 years ago
Luckily my guy friends are the kind that assume nobody is flirting with them.
Cory Tollman 4 years ago
I'm old enough now that this doesn't happen anymore, or I've become even more oblivious. Anyway, I always assumed it wasn't flirting until way past the time to find out. Like years later. "Hey wait-a-minute??" type of thing. A female co-worker offered to make me breakfast a few times. We worked nights together so it could more easily not be a come on than if we worked at other times so. I have no idea if it was or wasn't. She's married and has children now.
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Bee / she/her 4 years ago
Probably because everyone is raised to see the other sex as purely romantic. When I was in elementary school, everyone had this mentality of girls=friends, boys=crushes. Although with time and maturity this changes, a lot of those are rooted so deeply into our brains
Marilyn Holt 4 years ago
It really is hard to be friends withi a guy. I'm a senior and--crazy--stil/l have that problem. I frequently talked with a guy walking his dog past my house. Then suddenly he's knocking at my door wanting me to go out with him. I'm 70; he's 70, lives around the corner and is married! lol '
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 4 years ago
Because sadly too many people are only nice if they want something.
Pheebs 4 years ago
I was chatting with a coworker at a job about a video game I bought from him, and a comic convention we’d both attended the week before (separately, but he saw a pic of me on a costume site after). Another coworker interrupted to make sure I knew the guy had a girlfriend and kids, because I was “obviously” flirting. Had another coworker I had to be careful with so we wouldn’t be accused of cheating on our SOs. God forbid we are friends who take walks to vent about our crap jobs. We know each other’s SOs, so thankfully they wouldn’t believe crap rumors.
#17
Well I've taken to dressing like a hobo so men don't think of me as a sexual being. I get treated like "that guy who wears baggy clothing and has long hair".... it's alright
Lora Mad 4 years ago
My best friend used to go to piano lessons as a young girl. And always wondered what happened to the other girl that had lessons before her, she used to dress up so girly and nice, and all of a sudden she started wearing saggy ugly clothes. Sad and scary if you think about it.
Lsai Aeon 4 years ago
Or she finally convinced her mother she HATED wearing that kind of clothing and was finally able to choose her own clothing
Load More Replies... Mamabear76 4 years ago
That is so disturbing that a woman feels like they need to dress like a hobo just to go out. I'm sorry but I love dressing up and feeling good about myself. Weren't we taught as children it's ok to look but not ok to touch?
chrissy goodman 4 years ago
i wear a large hoodie thats long enough to cover my ass but big enough to not show my actual boob size. this way i can wear yoga pants or comfy thin pants without worrying about my ass or chest getting stared at. i keep my hood up too cuz last thing i need is a random guy commenting on my multicolored mainly blue eyes. stopped wearing contacts years ago bc of that. last thing i need if one guy noticing that both eye r blue green and hazel. last time a guy noticed was 13 years ago and stalked me for months. called the cops many times but they never got him it was my friend who did tho. a big muscle head friend of mine stalked him one night while he stalked me i went into starbucks and as he was about to follow me my friend grabbed him i called my friends dad who was a cop and that was that.
Assistant to DJ 4 years ago
I dressed like crap on purpose 2 weeks ago to go to a local store, 2blocks from my house a guy in the street tries to attack me, a random woman driving by slammed on her breaks and screamed at me to get in her car. She saved my life and drove me home. I could be smeared all over in dogs**t, still won't stop me getting attacked or raped. SO tired of this.
Rickard Shen 3 years ago
Totally off-topic, but all the (non-stainless) steel wire in the photo stored out in the open bugs me.
Christiana Kitty 4 years ago
I did that the entire highschool. Boys in my class didn’t even bother to not talk about boys gross stuff in front of me, that’s how little a girl they saw me and honestly i loved every moment of it, it felt safe. I wasn’t very included in girl groups but it was a small price to pay
#18
Playing with my hair, many things actually, some dudes think every single thing a female does is because she wants him.
In my experience you can't treat most male friends the same as female friends. I want you to succeed at life because you're my friend and I care about you. Most dudes would read way too far into it, it's f*cking annoying. I don't want to have to analyse everything I say to the opposite sex to make sure nothing I say makes them believe I'm leading them on in any way.
I like being a "mother hen" kind of thing, I like feeding people and making sure they are ok, ie I make birthday cakes for any friends who don't get one. I wish more people saw it that way and not some f*cked up version. Just because I am nice does not mean I'm in love you, I am only trying to treat you like a decent human being.
I play with my hair because of general anxiety, constantly doing something with my hands is just something I've always done, for job interviews I have to wear my hair back so I'm not messing with it, I'm not f*cking flirting.
This got kind of long, but yeah some dudes are just crazy.
Helen Haley 4 years ago
Oh god, the hair thing. I twirl my hair, they think I'm flirting. Nervous habbit.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
someone is downvoting like crazy here. I don't do the hair thing but I get it.
Load More Replies... Valisbourne Spiritforge 4 years ago
Not sure why or when it happened, but alot of people think men and women cannot be friends unless there's sex involved somewhere. I've actually been told this. I have several female friends (had several before I was married too). Sex or dating never entered into it.
Bored Birgit 4 years ago (edited)
By the way - are there any men out there who find these long nails attractive? I find them so disturbing. And impractical anyways.
SirWriteALot 4 years ago
It's because we keep getting fed that bullshit about "body language", signal colors etc ... it's in biology books ffs!
PixxelDust 4 years ago
the hair one really resounds with me. my hair is usually out, as it is too short to put up easily, so i move it out of my face and feel like i have to do it discreetly. don't even know why, i just get really anxious about brushing it out of my face in public. i feel that this might be the reason, subconsciously.
Pangolin Pal 4 years ago
This is just one of the eighteen bazillion reasons why I, as a cis/hetero woman, have always cherished my gay male friends.
#19
Like general affection, even with hugs and compliments I'm pretty reserved unless our relationship is clearly drawn out and we both know that nothing is being implied
Mamabear76 4 years ago
Hugging or really any kind of close/physical contact makes me very uncomfortable for this reason and simply for the reason I am married. It is a respect thing as well.
Scagsy 4 years ago
Same for me as a guy. I always avoid hugs and keep compliments limited to 'you like nice today' and even that's reserved strictly for family and long-term friends. I find contact quite unnerving from people I hardly know.
chrissy goodman 4 years ago
once i was at a bar bc my husbands band was playing and a guy saw me hug 5 guys and thought im that kinda girl wen he went to hug me i said "do i kno u?" that made all 5 guys turn around and instantly get defensive. my husband grabbed my arm pulled me towards him and all 5 of them kinda created this wall. the guy said "wtf u hug and smile with all these guys but not me?" next thing u kno my husband says "stay away from my wife" and all 5 guys explain to him how they r friends of me and my husband 3 of them in the band with my husband and at that exact moment a friend of mine from high school showed up gave me a huge squeeze hug and said wats wrong so i explained and he kept an eye on me the whole time my husband and the band were on stage the other 2 guys had their wives with them as well. the fact he assumed that i was just getting close to a bunch of random guys by hugs and smiles and conversation is just wrong
Diana Pahule 4 years ago
Just yesterday I was remembering some dude I used to work with and how he thought I was flirting with him because I was trying to hold a conversation with him.
aleem ud din 4 years ago
I'm a guy and I was taught to always compliment anyone regardless of gender as it is a nice gesture and can bring a smile to someones' face and later in University days, guys used to think that I might be gay and girls use to think I am flirting with them so after the end of the university I became a loner who doesn't smile, mingle with fellow classmates and don't have any friends!
Kiran 4 years ago
I did not know at the time that I have a brain tumor so I suck with all sorts of everyday function including driving. When I passed my road test on my sixth try on my birthday I was so happy I hugged my lady instructor and a male family friend from church who accompanied me to my road test as my husband is not available to drive me. He disgustingly hinted that he wants to sleep with me. I never told my husband about it but it did wreck my trust and faith in church goers. Yuck!
Pangolin Pal 4 years ago
So sad and true! In my life as a cis/hetero woman, I've had straight and gay male friends, but it has always been so much safer, warmer and more open-hearted to hug my gay male friends. It has always been dicey for a straight woman to show physical affection to a straight guy, and I wish it weren't so.
#20
Licking or biting my lips. Used to stick my tongue out when I was concentrating on something, that went out the window real quick. Sucks having to be overly-conscious of unconscious facial movements, even chewing on a pen is risky.
Oh yeah and no licking ice cream cones in public. Ever.
MellonCollie 4 years ago
My god, this is so sad. Where do these people live that this is such a problem? And why would they not respond to guys giving horny looks when you're licking an ice cream?? FFS.
Mamabear76 4 years ago
This happens all over. It happens whenever there are men and women in the same proximity as each other. It could be a place as innocent as a family fun park, the beach resort or fairs. Anywhere basically.
Load More Replies... Enby.Minecraft.Bee. 4 years ago
I bite the skin off my lips when i get nervous or anxious and guys take it as flirting?
Cory Tollman 4 years ago
I do that too but it makes me look like a dork instead of "sexy". I think I've been doing it more now that I have to wear a mask all the time at work (hospital). It's going to be shocking if we ever go back to not wearing masks full time.
Elizabeth Sieben 4 years ago
Chewing on a pen is extremely risky! I used to do this as a nervous habit, while working. Then someone told me that when i took it out of my mouth some time a little bit of saliva would be on my lips, so i would use my tounge to get it off... didn't even realize, but the men sure did... argh
#21
Smiling, being alone with men, physical contact of any kind, even just sweeping lint or crumbs off of their sleeves, eye contact, dressing comfortably, wearing even relatively tight shirts, touching my hair when nervous, moistening my lips with my tongue while talking...
Honestly, nearly stopped interacting with men in general, as my bust size is used as an excuse to claim I was flirting.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
This is a real problem, like men talking to my boobs instead of looking me in the eyes. Basterds.
Load More Replies... BoredHuman 4 years ago
My sis is heavy busted. Waiting for the street car with her 3 small kids. The number of horns honking and sexual comments yelled from cars. Right in front of her kids. She commented that you would think these men never saw a pair of breasts before.
Mystery Egg 4 years ago
Why would you sweep lint/crumbs off the sleeve of a man you aren't intimately involved with? That's going over personal space boundaries to me.
Viviane 4 years ago (edited)
Some people get distracted by lint or crumbs during a conversation. To some, it's just a tic or a holdover from our ape ancestors grooming each other. To someone else, it can be almost as intimate as sex. If someone with whom you're not intimate does it to you, simply explain that next time they should tell you so that you can sweep them off yourself. Not everyone likes to be touched by non-intimates even for correcting appearances.
Load More Replies... Pangolin Pal 4 years ago
OMG, I know. I am older than dirt, and still I remember the paralyzing pain and humiliation of being taunted as "a whore" in 8th grade, because I had developed large breasts -- oh, but the boys hated me for getting good grades, so they gleefully proclaimed me "an UNSUCCESSFUL whore, because lookit them giant bazonkas, but who'd want to do HER???"
Yoga Kitty 4 years ago
Wow. Just wow. Looking back you can feel sorry for those stupid peanut brains but I am sure at that time it was very hurtful.
Load More Replies... Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Just wearing the exact same clothes as everyone else with big boobs is seen as showing off. That's just the shape my body grew!
#22
Along the same lines of all these--making new guy friends. I have a lot in common with guys, but almost every guy I've befriended has asked me out at some point, and after I decline (as nicely as possible) they don't want to be my friend anymore. So I've come to assume that guys don't want girl friends. They want girlfriends. And so my boyfriend is basically my only friend. Being a pretty, boyish girl is a lonely life.
TheBlackPanda (JustABlackBear) 4 years ago (edited)
I'm a guy and I've experienced this with girls too. I know this mostly happens to girls but I just wanted to point out that it happens to guys too and share a little bit of my experience. I've had a bunch of female friends that flirted with me and would send me unsolicited lewd photos of themselves because I gave them attention. Because i was friendly and paid attention to them and would remember little things they'd normally expect a guy to forget. I'd give them compliments because I'm trying to boost their confidence, not because I was trying to flirt. This counts as flirting to some women. Human interactions can be pretty complicated. Being nice can be seen as flirting by men or women. It really just depends on the individual
Mystery Egg 4 years ago
I really hate this. I have met loads of cool guys that me and my ex-friend used to hang out with a lot. Over the years it would always turn out...ALWAYS...that they at some point would try it on with my friend (she's the thin pretty one, I am the fat ugly one) and she would decline since she permanently had a boyfriend. Then these guys would just evaporate from my life too. They would literally only talk to me to get to my friend. I was never romantically interested in any of them and always felt so sad because I genuinely thought we were friends but they humoured and faked friendship with me to get to my friend. I don't see her anymore so now I have no friends. Not even fake ones. Men will only talk to you if they want 'one thing' and they never want that from me so they never even talk to me. I even had one guy I tried to talk to - just to make conversation - at an event, look me up and down with a look of disgust on his face and then walk off in silence.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
What a sh!t thing to happen to you Mystery Egg. Mean basterds. Hug for you ducky.
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Concept-Peter Roosdorp 4 years ago
I prefer to be friends with girls. Guys too often are stuck with trying to impress others. (trust me, you aren't even close to the things that impress me.) Girls who want to be friends usually want to do so for better reasons.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 4 years ago
Amen. I mean I have male friends, but it was difficult to find decent ones. Now I need female friends. Tbh I suck at making friends...
#23
I used to always greet everyone with a smile and happy eyes. Either a nod or a quick 'hello'. But I got hit on way too often while doing that, to the point where they kept following me. I'm just trying to be polite dammit
Daenarys 4 years ago
Or looking at their face, saying thank you, and smiling when they hold a door open for you. I've been followed through several stores by guys because obviously, I was flirting with them. Now I just look down, say thank you, and walk away. After I explained this to my husband he doesn't get irritated when women don't say thank you when he holds the door for them. He had no idea that kind of thing happened to women.
Chaotic-Pansexual (she/they) 4 years ago
Your husband seems like a good man
Load More Replies... Cory Tollman 4 years ago
My work place actively encourages everyone to do this with staff, patients and family members. It's essentially an automatic thing for me and most people who've worked there awhile now.
Paul Beebe 4 years ago
OR...the flip side of this from a male perspective: I lived outside the USA for almost my entire life. Overseas, Asia, Europe, etc... you can inadvertently get eye contact with someone of the opposite sex, no matter what age, and just say hi, they would say hi back and it was no big deal. Moved back to the states as a 40 year old father with 3 daughters and 2 sons under the age of 18 and when I would say hi in public, I was made to feel like I was some sort of pervert, SO I'VE STOP BEING FRIENDLY AND POLITE IN PUBLIC AND DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. I'll hold the door, etc... But no talking. The prevailing attitude of a ton of american women seem to have is: if I say hi to you in the store or someplace, I must have an ulterior motive besides just being a friendly, polite person with manners... Maybe because their fellow male americans have burnt them out....just my take on the situation.
Soyexfox 4 years ago
i cant say yes enough to this one. i am a friendly person unless i have a strong opinion that someone doesn't agree with. i used to smile and be friendly to everyone didn't matter gender sexuality color race until i was sexually assaulted. the worst thing was i was talking about my partner from 14 years and he was talking about his wife. its such a shame that people cant be nice and friendly with out fear of giving the wrong impression
Phil Vaive 4 years ago
And then after those toxic dude bros have crushed the smile out of you, they tell you "you should smile more".
#24
Just generally being nice and outgoing? Seriously. It would lead to advances and if I wasn't interested it lead to physical assault.
Now I don't talk anyone I don't know. I'm very intentionally cold. I now have friends/coworkers that know me well enough get mad at me for being standoffish and intimidating....at least no one messes with me now
Mamabear76 4 years ago
Again another situation that is sad. The fact that a woman feels the need to alter her personality just to avoid "leading men on".
#25
I've had to deliberately force myself to stop squeeing or smiling at puppies being walked by single men who aren't obviously gay, because of the frequency with which interest in the puppy gets interpreted as interest in the human.
KimB 4 years ago
I chuckled at this because I remember peoples dogs even the dog names and refer to their owners as it's parent lol
Mystery Egg 4 years ago
Haha I know ALL of the neighbourhood dogs names....don't know the names of their owners at all.
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Pangolin Pal 4 years ago
Yet another fantastic reason to celebrate menopause and crone-hood! As a pretty hobbly, arthritic and tubby old lady with gray hair, I get to squee over every doggo I meet in the street, and no unwanted attention results. Hang in there, it gets better!
Paul Beebe 4 years ago
Well, too many guys get a cute puppy for the sole purpose of attracting women...true story...
Dave van Es 4 years ago
There are actually quite a few idiots who actually think that if they have a nice/cute dog, it'll help them "score with the ladies".
chrissy goodman 4 years ago
ive never had this issue but mainly bc im interested in saying hi to the dog not the guy and my actions make it very obvious and since i always says thanks for letting me pet their dog and just walk off. its kinda obvious the dog mattered much more. now i make sure my ring shows wen this happens so not only is the dog more important but they kno im married too. i never mention that i have a dog tho bc that means it can start an unwanted conversation. im more comfortable around women and kids tho like a saw a teenage boy walking his dog once i asked if i could pet it asked for its name and such the dog went nuts smelling my dog. the kid apologized and i said "its ok she smells my dog" if the kid was a man my age or older id never say that. i used to talk to every dog owner but now its just women and kids.
#26
During my pre-pubescent years I had a lot of male and female friends and I found it easy to talk to both genders because I treated both the same way--as if they were full people deserving of my interest and attention during a conversation. During the teenage years I realized that more and more of my male friends started dropping off because they assumed that my friendship meant that I was really in love with them. In early adulthood I became apprehensive to even start friendships with men and as a mid-20s adult I am apprehensive to even hold deep conversations with men lest they expect something in return. Sure, I'll do small talk and am friendly but I won't ever let you know me or try to get to know you unless I know for SURE that you're not one of those guys who thinks that women are incapable of holding an engaged conversation unless they crave the D.
Hotdogking 4 years ago (edited)
I’ve learned a skill that let’s women know I’m not that kind of person. It’s called “stupidly low self-confidence.” (Before you all downvote me or give me sympathy, just know that I am joking (well, half joking, my confidence is pretty low))
Concept-Peter Roosdorp 4 years ago
I always assume that they don't want the D, to a point where I have missed out. And I'm talking about those "more than obvious" times. Like a girl invites you into the shower with her.. Nah, it's a tight fit, we can talk when you get out of the shower.
#27
I've stopped getting lunch with male coworkers. I go into it thinking, "Yay! I've finally found a lunch buddy!" But they don't really want to be my lunch buddy... and that hurt. It feels like I've lost a potential friend... Like this person doesn't actually think of me with the respect I thought they did. And then it's awkward for a few weeks and I eat alone in my car again. It happened more than once so I just stopped agreeing to lunches with guys at work unless it's with a group.
BoredHuman 4 years ago
You think they are asking for a lunch buddy but they think you just accepted a lunch date.
Celtic Pirate Queen 4 years ago
God forbid, a woman could sit at a table IN THE LUNCHROOM with a man and just eat her sandwich, without them assuming she wants to have sex with them.
Charleybo 4 years ago
Men need to change THEIR behavior and show respect. Women shouldn't have to change everything they do that's normal just to keep men from hitting on them, or worse. Every woman you run into is NOT yours for the taking. Women are NOT objects for you to possess. Show respect!
Mari 4 years ago
When I was 19 I lunched with a co-worker and his wife. It was a nice conversation. Next time this guy was asking me if I was interested to meet him and his wife in a swingers club. Disgusting. This guy stalked me for months.
Hugo Raible 4 years ago
These days, guys always have to watch what they say when women are around - any dad joke can get them an unpleasant meeting with HR, even if it wasn't directed at the women. Relaxed chit chat is much easier amongst guys.
#28
I have learned not to make eye contact with men in public places or on the street. 89% of the time they think its an invitation to hit on me. No sir. I just looked up for a second. Please keep walking.
Gerard Neaux 4 years ago (edited)
Psychological trick: after making eye contact, don't look down. Move your gaze to something else approximately at their head level or higher. Apparently, looking down creates the illusion of shyness/ come hither. But looking at another object with the exact same expression will give off indifference, you're literally looking over their head. My wife said she used this since she was 17 and it always worked for her (it's true we're in Europe).
Celtic Pirate Queen 4 years ago (edited)
On the trolley coming home from work and I feel that I'm being stared at while reading my book. I look up and sure enough this guy is just staring at me. I gave a half hearted smile and went back to my book, so OF COURSE that was an invitation for him to come sit next to me (despite the big, sparkly ring on my left hand). He starts making chit chat. I asked him point blank why he was bothering me, when it's so obvious I wanted to read my book. You guessed it. He mistook my semi-smile for a come -on. Really? Even my kids leave the room if I make that face. (They know it actually means f**k off). Being polite, or even making a half hearted attempt at doing so, is NOT A SEXUAL ADVANCE!! Get the f*cking memo already!!!
#29
Smiling. I'm a naturally smiley person and smile when I talk to people just to be friendly, but I have to be careful about it if I notice a guy taking it the wrong way. I had a coworker who took it way, way too far and I ended up having to show him a picture of my ex-boyfriend and I together and buy a cheap ring to wear to get him to back off. All because I smiled when I talked to him.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
What is it with these d!ckheads who think a smile means "yes please, stalk me"?
Concept-Peter Roosdorp 4 years ago
I don't know, but as a guy, it scares me that there are too many like that out there.
Load More Replies... Porch Santa 4 years ago
My default face is a smile. It gets me in trouble but is worth the interesting interactions.
BoredHuman 4 years ago
I had a female coworker advice me to buy a fake engagement ring when I worked reception. I thought she was nuts. She was not nuts.
Pheebs 4 years ago
I remember using the ring trick every time I’d go out dancing with friends. Most of us weren’t looking to find a guy (either already had one, or simply didn’t think a club was the best place to get one), so we’d all make sure to wear what looked to be an engagement ring. We’d tried the pretending to be dating each other thing, but that usually led to creeps staring while we danced, or requests for threesomes.
deanna woods 4 years ago
I totally get this. I generally smile all the time, but for some reason, it can be misinterpreted for something that it's not.
#30
I'm thinking more in terms of social media, but I've found if a guy messages me and I send back so much as a polite 'hello' that guy will never leave me alone. Every couple months he'll pop up trying to start a conversation, usually being rude or lewd, long after I've stopped messaging him. Last time it happened the guy had been trying this for a while and right now I'm 7 months pregnant and in a serious relationship and I just went off on him. It's so sad that it has to come to that. And I know it's just a few delusional, ridiculous guys that do this but Jesus...what on Earth makes them think this behavior is ever going to get them anywhere?
Random Panda 4 years ago
Whatever happened to just blocking people? As a rule I never reply to random guys who message me on SM and especially not when I am in a relationship. I just block them. I've also had a few losers message me inappropriately in LinkedIn - they were immediately blocked and reported.
Pheebs 4 years ago
Gawd. Yes, freaking LinkedIn. I’ve had a couple of guys network with me just to hit on me immediately after.
Load More Replies... BoredHuman 4 years ago
This happens in person as well. I had a guy ask me out at work. Different floor and company. After we chatted in the lobby a few times. I was not interested in dating him and declined. This idiot pestered me for almost a year. Repeatably trying to convince me to date him. He would show up at my office, leave chocolates at reception. He even told the security guards and the cleaning women I would not date him and I had them telling me was a nice guy and I should give him a chance. He was just a random office building worker who I bumped into and chatted about the weather with while waiting in the lobby for a taxi 3 times. No interest at all.
Pheebs 4 years ago
I’ve had a male coworker be my “work husband” to help discourage being hit on. We were good enough friends to appear to be dating. Now I have a real husband at work. And a scary deadpan face, apparently.
Load More Replies... #31
I wear sunglasses all the time outside, even when raining. When I'm not wearing them, I look down alot around men. I have very blue eyes and get too many creepy comments from men. It's easier to hide them
BoredHuman 4 years ago
I have had them get real close and ask if I am wearing coloured contacts. Back the f**k up creep.
LaGitanaTriste 4 years ago
Same. I luckily walk around with angry face. Bc I have light sensitivity. But ten I get “smile sweetheart” comments instead. But for the most part I look unapproachable and have baggage. The defense mechanisms I chose are questionable but work for me.
#32
My 4 year old son is interested in everything. When we see someone doing a job, he asks me about it. I encourage him to ask the person doing it instead of me explaining while standing next to him/her. I want him to learn to ask people questions and not default to mom, when it's appropriate of course. It is surprising the number of men who seem to think me encouraging my son to ask them a question (e.g. What is that tool called? Why is it loud?) is my way of flirting. No, I want to teach my child...
Caro Caro 4 years ago
put your glasses on Auntie ;) (now that I typed Auntie, maybe we should whip out the old Aunty-Brigade again).
Load More Replies... #33
I don't ask random men for directions anymore.
One time I was taking the greyhound bus for the first time by myself. Asked a random guy where the line for where I wanted to go was. He didn't know but he was also looking for the same line. We agreed to look together (why not?) and ended up sitting next to each other and chatting.
2 hours into the 5 hour bus ride he says he's "tired" and then falls asleep. Wraps his arm around me while he's "asleep" and then starts kissing my neck. I was so uneasy and scared in that moment bc I didn't know how he'd react to me pushing him off and I didn't want to make a scene. Also the seats were all full, half with actual sleeping people so switching wasn't really an option. I was leaning almost fully into the aisle to get away from him.
Eventually he "woke up" and THEN asked if I had a boyfriend and wanted to date him. I promptly turned him down and listened to music for the next 3 awkward as hell hours
Gabi 4 years ago
" I didn't want to make a scene" See, that's the main problem. Women often don't want to make a scene. Well, I do! All the f*****g time, I get loud and make a scene!!!
Caro Caro 4 years ago
Yep, we are told "sugar and spice and all that's nice". No way, kick him in the nuts and spit in his face.
Load More Replies... Auntriarch 4 years ago
Loud voice , hey you must be dreaming you're at home with your girlfriend wake up!
Mystery Egg 4 years ago
Woah what?! You need to react in these circumstances otherwise you are confirming what he thinks. That it's acceptable.
Tobias Rieper 4 years ago
that is messed up to do that to someone you don't know but this moron is obviously one of those dudes that thinks the slightest bit of kindness from a woman means she is in to him you should have made a scene what he did was unacceptable falling asleep and then leaning on someone is one thing especially if you just fell that way when you fell asleep but wrapping his arm around you and kissing your neck is just completely wrong not placing the blame on anyone other than the moron doing it you have the right to not be touched by someone you dont want to be touched by
J. F. 4 years ago (edited)
And that's how a lot of crimes start - make a god damn scene in public places, better seen as annoying than taking any kind of harm. Also not all men tolerate such behaviour, there will be guys around to get others out of dangerous situations. And if that'S not the case, the attention he gets will make him stop
#34
Not me, but my little sister started dressing as the stereotypical butch lesbian when she went off to college. Said that it made things a little easier. I'm still not sure how to respond.
#35
When I lost a lot of weight I realized one effect was that I didn't smile hardly at all any more, and theorized that it had to do with not needing to please people as much... Until someone way smarter than me told me I was doing what sexually attractive women often have to do and muting my social responses for fear of giving men the wrong idea. Ya gotta be safe.
Helen Haley 4 years ago
It is a benefit of being heavier. Men either don't see you or see you as ugly. It is simultaneously freeing and annoying.
Mystery Egg 4 years ago
Yep. I've been single for 400 years because I am overweight and I don't think men even know I exist. It's sad that I can't find someone to experience love with but at the same time, I never get creeped on or have to fight the 'bad men' off. My plan is to get fit for my 50th birthday so I can find a lovely man then who will be more emotionally intelligent and mature...that or die alone and get eaten by my dogs before anyone finds me.
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#36
Having men as good friends. Had too many 'nice guy' experiences with men, after years of friendship and making it clear that I wasn't interested in more than friendship, losing their sh*t after finally realising that I meant it.
Gerard Neaux 4 years ago (edited)
Wow, years, that's quite a while to be obstinate for. When people don't like you for who you are, weeks should be enough to tell and end the friendship.
#37
Just about everything friendly
#38
I have cut my hair short, acted more boyish, bought longer skirts if I wear them at all and if I do wear shorter skirts you best be sure I'm wearing opaque tights. If I'm at a bar I make sure I go with someone. If I walk to my car at night and I feel slightly uncomfortable I ask if someone would mind walking with me. If I get any slight vibe that some random guy is into me and is somewhat aggressive I immediately reject them and find a buddy. If a guy asks me to come up to his apartment it will absolutely lead to sex unless I shut it down at the beginning.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
It's 2021 and women aren't getting safer, it's actually getting more dangerous for women.
Bianca Saville 4 years ago
I'm over 60 and can tell you it's not more dangerous. It has always been really dangerous and it continues which is really sad.
Load More Replies... #39
Offer male friends a my couch to crash on if they're drunk or visiting from out of town. Sorry, dudes, but unless you're accompanied by a SO you're out of luck. Similarly, no crashing at a male friend's place. Taxi it home or avoid drinking.
Mean Red B 4 years ago
Yup, had a male buddy, he lived in a a different town, we went on a gig with some friends, I offered him a couch to sleep on (he was a friend, out of town, late night, no commute whatsoever, duh). No sexual innuendos any time before, JUST A FRIEND. Tried to kiss me when we got home, I was like WTF DUDE?! E weren't event drunk. Luckily he recacted well. Said he crossed a line, apologized and we were OK after that. But I didn't want to hang out anymore. Ghosted the guy 😂
#40
How about doing something without warning? I made the mistake of saying out loud I was cold, and got a jacket from a complete stranger man almost forcibly put on me. I went the awkward route and practically ran away, saying, 'No thanks' to avoid it being put on my body.
Devil's Advocate 4 years ago
I lent a cold coworker my hoody once, but it was "here, take my hoody" and off I went, pretty obvious my intentions were platonic, and I rarely wore it anyway as I'm always warm. She has about 5 layers on!
#41
I'm a cashier. When I get customers that seem like they're a couple I don't look at the man at all. When I get a male customer I try to be friendly but not too friendly to prevent accidentally leading them on.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
Hmmmmm, When a couple why not look at him too or does this mean that the women can be toxic too?
BoredHuman 4 years ago
The wife will accuse you of coming on to her hubby. Friends a waitress and it has happened.
Load More Replies... A B C 4 years ago (edited)
Wow. That's incredibly rude and unprofessional to completely ignore and not even look at one half of the (assumed) couple just because they're male. I'm completely siding with most of the posts here, but this here is just as toxic as the males she's trying to avoid.
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
He'll live, I'm sure, if the cashier does not make eye contact with him.
Load More Replies... #42
Hang out with a guy, one-on-one. When inviting a man to something, I make sure to invite his SO, his friends, or make it clear that it is a group event. Even working out together is iffy.
#43
I try to minimize my interactions with men, and keep my sunglasses on and headphones in. Honestly, I spend a lot of time at home because being in public is exhausting.
#44
When I was 13, my dad warned me against talking one-on-one with guys. He said that exclusivity could be interpreted as flirting. So yeah, that I guess.
#45
Not scratching my boob in front of guys, even though it's really itchy.
snipergun 4 years ago
Guys scratch their balls all the time and most have no shame doing it as visible as possible, so why not. Let's start boob scratching movement!!! For all topics mentioned here!
SirWriteALot 4 years ago
Uhm, no, we don't try to do it as visibly as possible. If you happen upon such an individual rest assured that he's a disgusting slob and should not be considered "normal".
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Caro Caro 4 years ago
scratch and then say "oops, something sticky got under my nails"
Load More Replies... #46
I'm a southern girl. I call everyone sweetheart, love, darling and hun. And I mean everyone. Even if I hate you, it's "oh, bless your heart darling" haha. But I've learned that with my male friends, I have to be very careful. As a lesbian, they tend to think that if I call them hun.. that it must mean that they have the magical powers to turn me straight. I have a few male friends who don't hide the fact that they would love to do the dirty with me. I tend to try not to talk to them a lot because I hate to make them feel like I was leading them on. I tend to make sure with them that I really watch what I call them. But I mean, it's hard. I don't even remember half of my friend's names sometimes because I am used to calling them terms of endearment.
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
Men who hang around in hopes you will eventually f**k them are not your friends. Don't waste time and energy on people like this.
Cari Francis 4 years ago
I'm afraid they do, even even people you have known for decades.
Load More Replies... #47
Give out my personal phone number to someone I don't know, not even for work events. My cards now have my email and a shared work phone number.
#48
I once offered to do my male friends dishes while at a party at his house. The mother of his 3 week old child was super pissed he invited me and two other friends over, and when I offered to do the dishes bc he kept mentioning how disgusting they were, she almost punched me in the face. After that I stoned and drunkenly walked to another friends house to sleep. These friends had their band friends from another state coming over to crash, and most of us were sitting on the porch. I commented to the one guy as he was walking inside, "wow! Your pillow looks so comfortable!". Everyone proceeded to tell me how slutty and awful that sounded. Like what the f*ck??? I genuinely just wanted to know where this fluffy pillow came from, and help my friends with a newborn get their house cleaned up. I just don't speak to any of these people anymore
wifeofweasley 4 years ago
I wouldn't want some one else to do my dirty dishes either. I would find that embarassing even if you just wanted to help. (which doesn't mean it's ok to hit you)
Stoopham McFernybabes 4 years ago
I gotta be honest, if my husband brought stoned, drunk people around to my house, with my dirty dishes, when I had a 3 week old baby, I don’t think I’d be too happy with anyone either.
Mystery Egg 4 years ago
Anyone, man or woman, referring to a woman as a s**t or slutty makes my blood boil.
Tobias Rieper 4 years ago
that does sound like a really bad pickup line imagine if a guy said that to a female would be taken like that as well only would be worse
#49
Accept gifts. Not even if he's traveling to some other country and sending you candy, or sending you something as thanks for a favor you did. Postcards and birthday gifts are acceptable, so far.
BoredHuman 4 years ago
I have read stories about online dating where the guy insists on paying and then when he gets no sex he tries to sue the woman for the cost of the date. It was in the news. Sadly twice.
#50
I used to always try and talk to my guy friends and get to know them. I just wanted to be there for them to listen to them vent and genuinely take an interest in what they're saying and give my best advice. They confided in me and I cared about them. 9 times out of 10 the guy would think I wanted more and would try to and take it to the next level and then we'd end up having to stop being friends and it sucked. Now I don't do that and try my hardest to ignore guy friends that want to talk about their feelings or give them a more generic answer instead of going in depth. Which I feel really bad about when they "need someone to talk to" and I'm the one they reach out to, but I feel like it's better for the both of us.
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
Don't provide free therapy for dudes. It is unrequited, unappreciated emotional labor. They can find a qualified therapist if they are serious about needing to talk to someone. Otherwise, they are just dumping their traumas on you in hopes of getting a pity f**k.
#51
Honestly, even making conversation, being kind and genuinely interested in what they have to say can be misunderstood as flirting because so few women do it... For fear that they will look like they're flirting. I don't want to resign myself to ostracising half the human population, so I'm just going to keep being kind and friendly to guys and hopefully it will catch on. The only inconvenience is that sometimes you have to clarify your intentions, if a guy does (understandably) misinterpret the situation but that gets easy to do after the first couple of times.
Devil's Advocate 4 years ago
Sort of? So many women have given up being nice to men because they keep having bad experiences, that when a women is particularly friendly is can be misinterpreted... it's kind of a vicious cycle
Load More Replies... #52
Neutral or positive facial expression when looking in the direction of a man, also conversations in general. I no longer socialize with men at all. And I try not to socialize around men either.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
This is so sad. Us women can have a lot of fun with men. Just going out, talking, whatever. This world is becoming too cold to my liking. And I'm extremely lucky that most of this sh!t doesn't happen to me. I've had some awful things like stalking and a creep following me at a station but nothing that can give me a trauma. I'm glad I don't have daughters...
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago (edited)
Well, if men would stop abusing, beating, harassing, raping, murdering, and stalking women, I'm sure women would be much warmer toward strange men. Until that happens, though, women can have lives filled with fun and adventures that do not include men. Fun without the headaches or risk, imagine!
Load More Replies... #53
I know this seems sad, and honestly I wish there were a better way, but I will almost always find an excuse to not be alone with someone who I can sense has an interest in me while I have none in them. I've just had too many people 'make their move' without just telling me how they feel. As a result, I avoid and that sh*t gets really f*cking difficult sometimes.
#54
Honestly just being a good friend or person and offering to lend an ear to someone who is saying they are going through some sh*t. Did this just once to a former gaming buddy on ps4. He claimed he was dealing with stuff so I just put out a friendly, "well if you need someone to talk to I'm here". I was raised to be nice and listen to others. Also had a boyfriend at the time and he was well aware of this. I find out a few days later he blocked me and started to tell everyone that we new mutually that I was a slut and had been hitting on him since day one. Friend of ours came out to tell me upfront what was being said about me, now him and I are best buds and the other guy can go f*ck himself. But I'm definitely more cautious now with just being nice to people when it comes to online gaming...sucks when you try and just be a good person.
#55
I work at a makeup store. Whenever a couple comes up to my till I make sure I avoid acknowledging the guy because I fear that either the girl is going to think her man is flirting with me or that the man is going to think I'm interested in him. This never used to be a concern until one girl flipped out at her boyfriend for 'flirting' with me. He literally just responded "good" to me asking both of them how they were.
Tobias Rieper 4 years ago
that seems to be a female issue not behaviour leading men on that just sounds like insecure or jealous women not liking it when their partner acknowledges another female how is that a something a guy is doing wrong
snipergun 4 years ago
That is true. I think woman shouldn't feel need in store to avoid the male partner because his gf, wife whatever could feel it's not appropriate. Ladies, if your man wants to flirt with someone he will find excuse for that and you can't do anything about it. And it 99% won't be in makeup store in front of you.
Load More Replies... #56
I had a girlfriend who would occasionally feel the texture of her colleagues' ties. We had to have a talk about how stroking other men's chests in the office might be misleading.
Tobias Rieper 4 years ago (edited)
thats just wrong imagine if it was the other way around a man wanting to feel the texture of what a woman is wearing that would be sexual assault so why would someone assume its acceptable if its a guy I mean how would somebody not take that as a sign of flirting if someone comes up to you and strokes your chest
A B C 4 years ago
"that would be sexual assault" - I'd rather opt to call it harassment, but then, I'm not a lawyer. And it should still be assault/harassment this way around as well. It's just not seen as "threatening" when a woman does this to a man, but rather has a positive connotation (in most men's perception)
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Not A Panda 4 years ago
Ok, that is not an innocent behaviour. You don't touch without asking. Doesn't matter what sex you are.
Lora Mad 4 years ago
Yeah, getting all touchy with relative strangers is a bug no, and definitely not the man's fault if thinking he's being hit on. I am always stunned by people not respecting boundaries, even when children - I'm meeting your mother for the first time and talking to her, kid, no need to stand so close to me, touching me all over, grasping like a little monkey and staying so close it's a miracle you still haven't knocked over my lunch and glass of water. The kid was 6 y.o. by the way, not a toddler.
What do you think ?
4 years ago (edited)
Growing up with 2 older sisters taught me alot of things than which apparently most of the guys these days never learnt. To respect girls/women & to not assume anything unless they clearly say so. Also that girls can be very violent when angry & that a barbie doll is very painful to be hit with but that's not the point.
Irma 3 years ago
Well when a girl didnt clearly said so you can still try. Some girls might be afraid to make the first move. Its just that sometimes men continue after being told no. When i mention my fiancée i sometimes get told that a marriage wont last anyway
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Nirity 4 years ago (edited)
Basically - if a woman breaths around 200-300m close to a male, he will somehow see this as leading him on. How can almost all of those bastards to be so selfish, truly believe the world is spinning around them, and whatever a woman does is searching for him - the special one, the nice guy etc. In reality none of us is actually looking for an asshole.
Luna Lovebug 4 years ago
I had to start wearing a slightly padded bra at 18. Because I get cold easily and my nipples were slightly visible beneath my sweater. Never thought of this until my boss started making comments about how nice it is that I'm always so visibly eager to see him. But that i shouldn't "point" it out that obviously. Because it might make him look bad. Asshole, I still get angry about this just thinking about it. Sexualising the fact that he's too cheap to run the heather in winter. And then making remarks about it, claiming I'm trying to seduce him. Jackass.
BoredHuman 4 years ago
I got mad at this and it didn't even happen to me.
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Mad Mar 4 years ago
At work I have to literally bend forward to under a shelf to get a pc of paper from a printer for every customer. It's a registers for contractors. So every one of them tries to look down my top. I can't squat there's no room with the plastic barrier frames for safety. It sucks. But when they make a comment I look for a wedding ring and say "you should save that (compliment) for your wife". They get red but understand I'm doing a job an it's not a bar.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
I'm wondering: what kind of parent doesn't teach their sons how to interact with women and what is not appropriate.
Load More Replies... Jo Choto 4 years ago
I have to say, most of these issues I experienced while living in the USA. I did not experience them often, if at all, living in Africa and various parts of Europe. There is something in American culture where the dynamics between men and women are really messed up and seem to be about a century behind the rest of the world. I hope the upcoming generation is going to be different.
Yoga Kitty 4 years ago
That is what I thought, too. Of course, there are idiots in every country, sex, gender, colour, type and form but I am not immediately afraid I could be raped and killed as soon as I tell somebody that I am not interested in him and I really do not know any girl or woman who is. Most of these posts seem American to me, maybe the culture there is really even more different from Europe than I thought?
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Daria B 4 years ago
I'm glad I live in a society where men have the dignity (yep, dignity) AND decency to leave people alone, mind their own business, and if they want to connect with someone, they have the ability to ask the right questions and see what's appropriate and what's not. But I still do understand these entries, because sometimes you do encounter people like that. I'd probably be miserable too if I had one too many of such, or worse encounters.
Aradia Sayner 4 years ago
Lucky you. I'm 52 and still waiting and wishing for this day to come.
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Jayne Kyra 4 years ago
Reminds me of how I exchanged numbers with a guy I met twice, for all of two hours tops where we barely talked, and he messaged me if he should come over to my place. Or when a divorcing tattoo artists with kids kept messaging me after I got my tattoo done (which the bastard changed without my approval). Could not block them both quickly enough.
Pezor Zass 4 years ago
This stupidity feeds off itself. I can remember hitting puberty and suddenly not having female friends anymore. The few times that a girl would take any interest in me, i absolutely assumed it meant that she must be interested. i came to understand that that was wrong, and i eventually made back good female friends, but wow, you can't imagine the blow it was to realize that if the ones who are taking any interest in me at all just barely tollerate me, then the ones who are staying away must....what? despise me? be afraid of me? made me feel like utter crap. it's a really screwed up way for men and women to interact and i so hope younger folks are fixing this.
4 years ago (edited)
Growing up with 2 older sisters taught me alot of things than which apparently most of the guys these days never learnt. To respect girls/women & to not assume anything unless they clearly say so. Also that girls can be very violent when angry & that a barbie doll is very painful to be hit with but that's not the point.
Irma 3 years ago
Well when a girl didnt clearly said so you can still try. Some girls might be afraid to make the first move. Its just that sometimes men continue after being told no. When i mention my fiancée i sometimes get told that a marriage wont last anyway
Load More Replies... Nirity 4 years ago (edited)
Basically - if a woman breaths around 200-300m close to a male, he will somehow see this as leading him on. How can almost all of those bastards to be so selfish, truly believe the world is spinning around them, and whatever a woman does is searching for him - the special one, the nice guy etc. In reality none of us is actually looking for an asshole.
Luna Lovebug 4 years ago
I had to start wearing a slightly padded bra at 18. Because I get cold easily and my nipples were slightly visible beneath my sweater. Never thought of this until my boss started making comments about how nice it is that I'm always so visibly eager to see him. But that i shouldn't "point" it out that obviously. Because it might make him look bad. Asshole, I still get angry about this just thinking about it. Sexualising the fact that he's too cheap to run the heather in winter. And then making remarks about it, claiming I'm trying to seduce him. Jackass.
BoredHuman 4 years ago
I got mad at this and it didn't even happen to me.
Load More Replies... Mad Mar 4 years ago
At work I have to literally bend forward to under a shelf to get a pc of paper from a printer for every customer. It's a registers for contractors. So every one of them tries to look down my top. I can't squat there's no room with the plastic barrier frames for safety. It sucks. But when they make a comment I look for a wedding ring and say "you should save that (compliment) for your wife". They get red but understand I'm doing a job an it's not a bar.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
I'm wondering: what kind of parent doesn't teach their sons how to interact with women and what is not appropriate.
Load More Replies... Jo Choto 4 years ago
I have to say, most of these issues I experienced while living in the USA. I did not experience them often, if at all, living in Africa and various parts of Europe. There is something in American culture where the dynamics between men and women are really messed up and seem to be about a century behind the rest of the world. I hope the upcoming generation is going to be different.
Yoga Kitty 4 years ago
That is what I thought, too. Of course, there are idiots in every country, sex, gender, colour, type and form but I am not immediately afraid I could be raped and killed as soon as I tell somebody that I am not interested in him and I really do not know any girl or woman who is. Most of these posts seem American to me, maybe the culture there is really even more different from Europe than I thought?
Load More Replies... Daria B 4 years ago
I'm glad I live in a society where men have the dignity (yep, dignity) AND decency to leave people alone, mind their own business, and if they want to connect with someone, they have the ability to ask the right questions and see what's appropriate and what's not. But I still do understand these entries, because sometimes you do encounter people like that. I'd probably be miserable too if I had one too many of such, or worse encounters.
Aradia Sayner 4 years ago
Lucky you. I'm 52 and still waiting and wishing for this day to come.
Load More Replies... Jayne Kyra 4 years ago
Reminds me of how I exchanged numbers with a guy I met twice, for all of two hours tops where we barely talked, and he messaged me if he should come over to my place. Or when a divorcing tattoo artists with kids kept messaging me after I got my tattoo done (which the bastard changed without my approval). Could not block them both quickly enough.
Pezor Zass 4 years ago
This stupidity feeds off itself. I can remember hitting puberty and suddenly not having female friends anymore. The few times that a girl would take any interest in me, i absolutely assumed it meant that she must be interested. i came to understand that that was wrong, and i eventually made back good female friends, but wow, you can't imagine the blow it was to realize that if the ones who are taking any interest in me at all just barely tollerate me, then the ones who are staying away must....what? despise me? be afraid of me? made me feel like utter crap. it's a really screwed up way for men and women to interact and i so hope younger folks are fixing this.
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