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Even though people have a lot in common, they still have very unique upbringings. Your background, culture, community, family life, and the specific way you were raised can give you all the tools you need to succeed in life… or leave you wondering why you haven’t developed must-have skills that all grown-ups seemingly should have.
Recently, some of the members of AskReddit opened up about the life skills they feel like they missed out on because nobody taught them, only to later realize that pretty much everyone around them seems to have picked them up somehow. Scroll down to read their thoughts.
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#1
The ability to figure out what to make for dinner every day. That looked so much easier as a kid.
Lexi 11 months ago
I stand in front of the fridge freezer and see what I can, and feel, like mashing together for a meal. I rarely plan as I may want pizza before hand but then decide to have stir fry. Other times I just want toast, lots of toast 😋
Annie 1973 11 months ago
I always want food but my illness makes me throw up almost everything. I absolutely loved mushrooms but one day I made mushroom soup using the exact same recipe as I always used. I threw up. The strangest thing is that the only food that doesn't make me vomit is fish pie with mashed potato on top.
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LauraDragonWench 11 months ago
Especially when you're doing it for just one person, yourself. I love cooking, but I rarely if ever do it simply because it's such a hassle.
Sky Render 11 months ago
It helps to be a creative sort. I never have much difficulty with it, but my wife hates it when I ask her for input on dinner!
Myoviridae 11 months ago
I have a written list on my fridge with all food things available in the fridge/freezer. The freezer always has prepared things like chili, pasta sauce, salsa. This is the way I can always know what I can make for a meal without opening the fridge/freezer.
RELATED:
#2
As a person with autism, the whole menu is the "secret menu". It feels like the whole world was given the owners manual on "How to be a Human" and all I got was the 5 page IKEA manual.
Sky Render 11 months ago
This, this, freaking THIS. Emulating "normal" is exhausting even once you do figure out the basics, to boot.
LauraDragonWench 11 months ago
I have a t-shirt I got from Mast General Store (NC) ages ago that reads, "Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting." These words are tattooed on my soul.
Curious Panda 11 months ago
I don't have autism and I feel like this sometimes. Like I'm running behind and I'm not a complete adult human yet.
#3
I realised I didn’t have to get up at 7am on a Sunday, get dressed, & sit in the lounge listening to the radio.
I learned it was ok to buy branded foods if you liked them better.
I learned I could have a nap anytime, not just when I’m ill.
And I learned to drive after being told it was “too technical” for me, I wouldn’t understand it. He ( my dad) successfully put my mum & sister off learning to drive but I learnt on the sly. I passed my test with the local Chief Examiner- a Mrs Elizabeth Brown. He exclaimed “is that allowed?” as if women driving instructors/ examiners didn’t exist.
I also learnt to ride a bike despite it being “too dangerous.” Same for swimming—neither my mum or sister dared but I just snuck off. Learned at school & represented the school at swimming.
Bi.Felicia 11 months ago
I wonder when/where this little girl grew up. I love how she went against the grain and defied her dad.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 months ago
OP said on Reddit that they were born in 1970.
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A lot about your childhood depends upon your family’s mix of parenting styles. Permissive parents, who see their children more as friends than dependents, might let you figure things out more for yourself, which is an important part of growing up. However, that lack of direction, guidance, and rules can lead to some problems down the line regarding boundaries and impulsive behavior.
Authoritarian parents, on the other hand, might be big on discipline and commands at home, but their lack of communication and over-the-top strictness can make their children anxious and lacking initiative. In short, these kids either grow up to be good at following commands—or they rebel against their parents.
However, authoritative parents provide a good balance between rules, regulations, and expectations on the one hand and support, communication, and openness on the other. They’re warm and nurturing while also setting clear expectations and consequences for their children’s behavior. Kids who grow up in authoritative households tend to grow into very confident, independent, socially competent, and generally well-adjusted individuals.
#4
That you don't need to be constantly doing something productive. You can and should disconnect sometimes, just go watch a movie, read a book, or play a video game. Reddit and other social media will still be there. You aren't missing out on anything.
Auntriarch 11 months ago
If my mother is doing fun things, she will often do two simultaneously in order to justify it, so knitting whilst watching TV isn't wasting time as much as doing just one of them. When I used to phone her and ask what she'd been up to, she'd give me a list of chores she'd done that day. I wanted to hear if she'd done anything fun or interesting, or even an accident. Nope, just making sure I knew she hadn't been idle. Sad, but also tedious. Now that her life is entirely caring for my dad between hospital appointments, I just have to try to smile and nod. Instead of crying.
DennyS (denzoren) 11 months ago
I like to fill my free time with woodworking, reading and watching my favorite movies. It really helps to manage the stress of everyday existence.
#5
How to self-motivate, I'm 32 and have no clue how to force myself to do something. Go to the gym, study, do laundry, make a Dr. appointment, even shower sometimes. This might be my ADHD/depression/anxiety but I see other people teaching themselves how to code, going to the gym regularly, eating healthy etc.
EM 11 months ago
Having someone coming to your house is very good for getting chores done, especially given short notice. That's called scurryfunging. Good exercise too😁.
BookFanatic 11 months ago
Sometimes I invite people over just so I'm forced to clean!
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Susie Elle 11 months ago
I feel you. What helped me immensely was to learn how to enjoy the learning of it, not the actual doing or 'being good' at whatever it was that I wanted to learn. Messing around with crocheting or whatever and just enjoying the process, instead of treating it like a chore necessary to Be Good at it. For the actual chores, I need urgency.
AsylumWalker 11 months ago
I don't even know how to just learn something 😭
Load More Replies... #6
Cleaning as you cook.
DennyS (denzoren) 11 months ago
This was the one lesson I took from a cooking class I did years ago, always wash and clean as you go.
There will always be some subjectivity when people talk about life skills that they personally believe are must-haves. Someone who’s very outdoorsy might want their children to be independent and physically active or spend lots of time in nature, join the scouts, and learn survival skills. Meanwhile, parents who are academics might emphasize reading, studying, academic performance, financial literacy, and other more cerebral pursuits.
The core skills to focus on in life, at least at the start, are directly related to self-sufficiency. You need to know how to live independently and when needed, help others in your family and community.
For example, learning how to cook, clean, and do household chores isn’t something you can ignore. You cannot rely on others to constantly pick up after you. Not only is that unfair to them, but it also puts you in a weaker position when you have to live by yourself. How are you going to survive on your own if you can’t boil some pasta or put together a sandwich?
#7
How to really grow up. I'm 40 years old but feel like a kid in a adult world.
Bi.Felicia 11 months ago
I'm pretty sure we all feel the same way. I'll be 40 years old, this year and I feel like none of us, really know what we're doing, some are just better at hiding it, than others.
coupon user 11 months ago
You are, correct this is, how we all, feel. But at 40 we also, know, how to, use commas properly and, this ain't, it,
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LauraDragonWench 11 months ago
There is no "growing up," there's only growing. Whoa, that was some cliche Hallmark territory, right? *shudder* That said, it's kinda the truth - at 47 going on 48, I still wish I had my mommy to talk to because she always seemed to know exactly what to do, even though I'm sure she felt just as lost as everyone else. Mom just managed to bluff through it really well. 😁
BS Detector 11 months ago
I think this every few weeks and wonder who I fooled to get here. I'm 50 have normal adults kids, a very well paying job. Life is weird!
BookFanatic 11 months ago
I'm 46. I'm never going to be an adult. Just a kid in an adult-sized body.
#8
I guess it's not a life skill pe say but it's more the horrible stark realisation that as a woman 'they' (corporate entities) want you to remain insecure about your weight/appearance etc so you will spend more money on diets/gym/make up/skin care etc.
And as a kid I thought that insecurity would go away with age but my mum whose now 70 and is the thinnest that she's ever been, is STILL going on about her weight/appearance, as is my grandmother at 93, and I just find it utterly tragic that it just never goes away.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 months ago
My mother is 80 and still gets Botox, fillers, does weird laser treatments to her face, microneedling, etc., all in her obsession with her appearance and her desperation to "not look old". She used to get lipo and plastic surgery frequently, but her surgeon died and when she tried to find a new one to give her a facelift, they were all "lolno, you're too at-risk at your age." It's sad because I know she has a form of body dysmorphia and thinks she looks horrible and thinks everyone is staring at how horrible/wrinkly she looks (literally no one cares/no one is staring at her) but I know that my assurances that she looks great (for her age) matter little to nothing to her.
Sky Render 11 months ago
I refuse to give into that nonsense. I roll my eyes at anyone who tries to insult my appearance. It's my life, my choice on how I present myself to the world.
CatD 11 months ago
Yep, don't dye my greying hair, usually no makeup. If someone doesn't like it, tough.
Load More Replies... Della 11 months ago
Agreed. I do believe I should try to be healthy, however, as I age certain things happen and I choose not to fight it. I do not want to be trapped by corporate greed telling me my hair should not be gray, my body should be forever 25, etc. This is how God made me. I am rolling with it .
Col Prettyman 11 months ago
I have to say I've never really experienced this. I did dress nice for my middle management position and then the social work stuff and my hair was always funky (like pig tails, peacock colors etc) but I never really cared that much about make up. Even now at 55 I'm going to be me and refuse to be put in someone else's idea of a box for me. Just. Be. You.
coupon user 11 months ago
That looks like a picture of a b******e if you are scrolling quickly
#9
All of adulthood is paying for things. Everything, all the time, everyday. Forever.
Other vital life skills include things like financial literacy (budgeting, doing your taxes, saving, investing, etc., so you can live below your means), taking care of your health (proper exercise, eating a nutritious diet, getting plenty of sleep, managing stress), and managing your relationships (developing emotional intelligence, focusing on positive friendships, etc.).
There’s honestly nothing shameful if you don’t know a handful of skills that other people do. The important thing is to embrace the fact that you’ve got some knowledge gaps and then take the steps you need to rectify the situation. Do some research, practice those skills hands-on, look at your ‘failures’ as growth opportunities, and just keep repeating things until they become a habit. The important thing is to do something—anything—to improve your situation instead of beating yourself up for not having done so in the past.
#10
That things get better when you start doing all the hard s**t consistently until eventually it becomes second nature. Also motivation doesn't happen on its own, you have to push yourself each and every day to take the necessary actions to succeed.
#11
That you’re not at the mercy of your feelings. I used to get depressed and just lean into it, because I believed that sadness was the truth. No one ever told me that not only did I not have to feel that way, that there were things I could do to fight it (behavioral activation), but that staying sad not only hurt me, it also hurt the people I care about.
Susie Elle 11 months ago
Oooh, solid. I feel myself slipping into depressive moods more often (could also be depression). What doesn't help is giving in to the need to stay on the couch or in bed, but boy is that a high hill to climb when everything around you is gray.
Amy Lee 11 months ago
One really helpful thing is to focus on a really small simple task... Not even a whole task like go brush your teeth. But rather just squeeze the toothpaste on the brush.
Load More Replies... Col Prettyman 11 months ago
Great lesson! My brother says it's ok to feel your feelings, just don't get stuck there. I too had to make the choice for myself after a hard hard 4 years mentally.
emlab kerba 11 months ago
can be true, but for people with chemical depression this advice will be dangerous. Sometimes it's not a lack of willpower or positive thinking.
Nosirrow 11 months ago
Sadness is the truth. There's so much evil, like women in labour are still mistreated by medical staff and the patients in mental hospitals are abused all the time. A psychologist told me: but people helped Ukrainian refugees and those affected by the flood. It's not genuine help but wanting to be praised and feel like a good person. Also, those who have a loving family or friends are biased. I have neither despite my efforts. Being a pessimist is being a realist.
Jessie 8 months ago (edited)
Sorry to say but it’s pretty obvious why you don’t have friends. There is nothing as draining as being around someone that constantly sees the negative in everything. Seeing the positive in everyday stuff is a choice that you need to make for people to want to be around you.
Load More Replies... #12
That the game is rigged.
Literally based on where you are born and who you are born to will determine your life trajectory so much more than how hard you work.
We're sold the lie that "work hard, do well" will get us where we want to be. The reality is that unless you're born well off or get extremely lucky, life will be unfairly difficult and you'll likely never get what you actually deserve.
d b 11 months ago
So then the question becomes: how do you know this and still thrive? 56 years old and still trying to figure it out, but think the answer is be mindful of who and what you let into your world. Good folks, gratitude for what you got, and absolute rejection of the b******t peddled to us in the name of happiness?
Judes 11 months ago
If you're born in a first world country, then you're already doing better than most.
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Col Prettyman 11 months ago
Wow this is so sad. I guess the question is, what do you think you deserve?
Michael Largey 11 months ago
Step 1 - Realize it's not a game. It has no rules, but if it did they would change as soon as the players did. There are no medals or trophies, just a participation prize - and it's six feet deep.
Susie Elle 11 months ago
Depends on what your frame of reference is. What do you want out of life? Do you want wealth and fame? Then yes, it helps immensely to be born in the right circles. Do you want fulfillment? You can find that anywhere. Obviously things are a lot more challenging for those of us born into poverty or broken homes and such.
What life skills do you feel you learned way too late compared to your family, friends, and colleagues, dear Pandas?
Meanwhile, what skills do you personally value the most and think any grownup around the world should know? We’d love to hear your thoughts on this! Share yours in the comments below.
#13
I tell you what, sometime between my parents and my generation, we lost knot-tying. My father in law has a repertoire of like a dozen or more knots he can use for different situations and I’m just looping and pulling nearly randomly.
Little Bit 11 months ago
My grandfather was a fisherman. He could tie some amazing knots and do really fancy ropework. He gave me a book called 'Knots, Splices and Fancy Things' which instructs you on knot tying etc. I always said I was going to learn it but it's one of the many things I've never got around to doing 😞
Amy Lee 11 months ago
Yet... Go find the book and learn a simple one. Do one a week. You'll be a pro by next year.
Load More Replies... #14
How to motivate myself in the mornings. And this was always a problem for me, and was always written off as being lazy or a hard sleeper. When in reality, my ADHD brain would light up at night and I'd find it hard to go to bed early, fall asleep quickly, stay asleep. My deepest sleep hours are from 4-8, I'm zonked. In college, it was often impossible to get me to class for an 8:30 class. My pathetic morning brain knew by having to teach myself the info later from other people's notes id learn it better than if I got to class late, dozed through it, had issues for the rest of the day... But I was told I'm lazy when really my brain was different than my mother and roommates idea of motivation and habit setting.
FlamingoPanda 11 months ago
I really want this morning culture to be less of a thing. There are a lot of people who are way more effective later in the day and get better results shifting their whole day later. But we are so often told that if we are not awake at 4:30 am, hitting the gym, eating a full nutritious breakfast and getting half our work done by 8 am then we have failed as humans.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 months ago
This is one of the major reasons I finally escaped from my abusive relationship of 23 years. He kept telling me there's "no such thing as a night owl" person and that I'd be a happy, cheerful, and functional "morning person" if I just worked at it. I've never felt functional in the mornings (even as a small child) and I function way better later in the day. I worked a retail closing shift for 2 1/2 years and it was perfect for me. People absolutely do have different brain-chemical cycles/circadian rhythms and we're not "one size fits all" humans. I'd probably have gotten eaten by a sabretooth tiger if I lived in ancient times since I'd have been wandering around at night, but luckily, in the modern world, one CAN be a non-morning person and still lead a good life XD
Load More Replies... Col Prettyman 11 months ago
I'm the same way. And it's gotten much worse after suffering a TBI in 2021. Mornings fir me are practically mentally non functional and most people don't understand this.
#15
My parents taught me everything from sewing to home-maintenance and small engine repairs. This is pretty common I where I grew up. Here in Ottawa/Canada people seem to think I’m freaking McGuyver.
#16
I missed the boat on playing around with makeup while it was socially acceptable to be terrible at it. At 23, I interviewed for a clerical position that wouldn't have any customer-facing tasks. At the end of the 30min interview, the woman rejected me. I asked if there was anything I could work on to make myself a more appealing applicant, and she said, "You have everything we're looking for, but if you can't even give us the benefit of blush, what can we really expect from your performance? A girl your age should know better."
That night, I cried to my boyfriend about how belittled I felt and spiraled over how many other opportunities I missed because I never felt the need to learn how to do makeup. I spent the next several days binge watching YouTube tutorials and product reviews, trying to build a skill I never knew I needed. I figured that even if I only ever used it in job interviews, at least I'd have the skill in my back pocket. My boyfriend picked up extra shifts to buy me my first set of products and brushes, but reminded me the whole way through that he loved my face no matter what some dumb old b***h in a blazer said.
I got fairly good at doing my own face, and it really did make a difference in how professionals treated me as a young woman in the workforce. 10 years later, it's crazy to think about how a single bad interview has cost me thousands in makeup but brought me hours of fun. I'm addicted to lipstick and rarely go out without it. Hell, I put it on to do my dishes.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 months ago
This makes me so sad. A female person should never "have" to wear makeup in order to get a job/keep a job. No woman should have to wear makeup in order to "be attractive/pretty/etc." I know it's not the society we live in, but women should NOT "have" to wear makeup in ANY situation/circumstances unless they want to. I personally loathe makeup (my mom forced me into acting as a child and I got slathered with way too much makeup at a young age when I should have been wearing ZERO makeup) and I don't feel that it adds "value" to my status as a female. If you think I'm "ugly" without makeup, then you aren't someone I want to talk to, let alone someone I want to have in my life. Ironically, I clash with my mom a lot on this - she was born in 1944, and to her, it's unthinkable for a woman to go in public without a full face of makeup. She's 80 and still puts on makeup just to go outside to get the mail or go to the store. I refuse to wear "daily" makeup and I disappoint her every day XD
Kare Deter 11 months ago
I wore makeup to my prom, and to my wedding and rarely any other time. I simply can't be bothered with it, it's an unnecessary expense. I'm not making myself up for other people judge me. I am who I am, if you don't like the way I look then don't look at me.
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Earonn - 11 months ago
Sorry, she didn't get a job because she didn't use make-up? Dodged a bullet. If she had used it, what if it was too much for the company's taste? Wrong colours? Wrong style?
Auntriarch 11 months ago
I remember talking to an off duty air hostess in the 80s, the airline she worked for did in fact have rules about make up, and she was expected to wear it. It was considered part of the uniform.
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Moana Manana 11 months ago
My mum bought me my first eyeliner, mascara and lipstick when I was 17. She said it was time to start looking like a girl. I was a tomboy. To this day, I don't like make-up much, and I like pants more than dresses.
Deborah 11 months ago
I have never worn makeup in my life. It had no effect on job interviews. This is sad.
Featherytoad 11 months ago (edited)
I always wore makeup to interviews, but once I got the job, that was the end of that, and no one ever said anything. These weren't white collar jobs or anything though.
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Cerridwn d'Wyse 11 months ago
At almost 70 I have never worn makeup never intend to wear makeup and never had an issue getting a job that person doing the hiring was a b****
LilDumpling 11 months ago
What about religious applicants where makeup is forbidden? Then it becomes religious discrimination, which is illegal.
#17
Emptying the dryer lint. First time I moved out at 22, noticed that over the first few months my dryer would take longer and longer to dry my clothes. Mentioned it to my mother and she asked if I had been clearing the lint.
It was a brick of lint, like a geological survey of all the loads that contributed to it.
It’s a good thing I never burnt my apartment down.
Bi.Felicia 11 months ago (edited)
I feel as though, only children that never had to do chores, growing up, are the ones that don't know that you need to empty the lint trap after every load of laundry. Also those that may have never had a dryer, in the home, growing up. Obviously if they never had one, they probably wouldn't know how to use one, initially.
Lester the Space Duck 10 months ago
Once I caught my ex taking the lint out of the filter, and PUTTING IT BACK IN THE DRYER. I can't remember why, but she thought that was what was supposed to be done.
#18
Cleaning and how often you're supposed to clean certain things.
winterwidow87 11 months ago (edited)
I will always remember briefly after going to live on my own i was visiting my parents, and i heard my little brother (he was like 16 at the time) ask my mum why does she have to clean the bathroom so often if it's clean already. I laughed and answered for her "because the fact that she cleans it often is the reason it stays clean. Do you think bathrooms magically clean themselves?". It's amazing how many things you take for granted when you live with your parents, and how quickly your perspective shifts when you have to do everything on your own.
Ace 11 months ago
The difference between cleaning because it is dirty and cleaning to stop it getting dirty.
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Wendy DeWitt 11 months ago
Nobody warns you that, as you and your eyes age, you don't see dust and dirt that well. I've begun cleaning on a schedule, assuming the place is dustier than it looks. I also add light wherever possible, especially the kitchen. It's easier to see those little splatters and drips.
coupon user 11 months ago
"how often" according to whom? Everyone has different opinions and nobody is "right". I know people who choose to vacuum daily (insane) and some who never do.
#19
How to eat like a normal person. my eating disorder started when i was like 8 and now i just have no idea how to eat a normal amount of food and talk about food normally. i hear the phrase "eat when you're hungry and stop eating when you're full" but like. how do you know when you're hungry and full? if it's some innate sense i lost it long ago.
LilDumpling 11 months ago
I would say find a few safety meals. Meals that you've researched the nutrients on, the portion sizes, the tastiness, the ability to create the meal. Build a routine with those meals and gradually add more over time. However, don't become so obsessed with the nutrition numbers that you lose sight of your real goal. If you pre-portion your meals (meal prep) and give yourself concrete windows of when to eat throughout the day, it all becomes routine and you'll think less about it.
Col Prettyman 11 months ago
Ditto. My mom's family forced us to clean our plates then ridiculed me when I got fat. By 11 I was hiding in my closet to eat. By 13 I had bulimia. Then came the super controlled eating and while I didn't look anorexic the pushing food away and not eating for days was happening. I almost always take huge portions even now and I don't know why. I'm 55 years old and fought my weight for probably 44 of those years.
Mimi M 11 months ago
Certain foods (primarily foods containing sugar and wheat - both of which raise and then crash blood sugar) are inherently addictive and your brain's 'stop' mechanism won't turn on. If you eat foods that are high in protein, fats and micronutrients (like healthy whole fresh foods), you will more easily be satiated. I.e., it's not your brain, it's the foods themselves.
Judy Reynolds 11 months ago
I can understand that, even though my problem is emotions. How do I know what I feel?
CatD 11 months ago
Are you a professional troll, or do you just like putting people down?
Load More Replies... #20
All the nuances of home maintenance. Thankfully, I've found some good resources for this but I'm 10 years into home ownership and still finding new things to do better.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 months ago
It's about to drip on the bottom and it looks like it's not entirely over the orange rolling pan! Luckily it looks like there's some cardboard underneath there XD
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#21
I was always told to wear plastic bags on your feet when you run in the snow to keep your feet warm and dry. However, no one told me they actually go on your feet. UNDER your shoes. First time I took this advice I layered two plastic bags around my running shoes and tied them around my ankles, and was very confused why the bags kept ripping and I was slipping all over. Some old man passed me up and said “honey I think those go on your feet, not your shoes.”.
#22
Being confident. We were laughed at and unsupported as children and were not allowed to have an opinion.
Kalevra 11 months ago
You had your opinion. You could just never back it up with logic in a majority of the cases. "I love him!" "Well he just went on a date with someone else." "They are just friends." or "We should do (something really expensive that im not gonna help with at all, in any capacity to achieve it)." "no" "You never let me have an opinion!"
#23
Networking.
How was I supposed to know that I need to keep in contact with everyone I have ever worked with on the off chance that they can get me in the door for job openings? No one told me this.
DennyS (denzoren) 11 months ago
Yeah, I failed horribly at this because of my social anxiety. Networking isn't my strong suite.
Verena 11 months ago
Because every collection of tips how to improve your career begin with bloody stupid NETWORKING!!!! Don't, if you hate it. It won't work. But keep your sensors peeled for introverts in work areas you like. Approach with caution and you might find the spot for you with their support
#24
How to budget.
DennyS (denzoren) 11 months ago
I learnt this after a spell of unemployment and going broke...now I budget everything.
#25
My personal list of skills I picked up after I left home:
social dancing
public speaking
socializing in a work environment
budgeting
basic understanding of laws and taxes
work with difficult people
going out alone
do whatever you want.
#26
I noticed alot of people are afraid to speak out when they see something wrong. Like they hope someone else will deal with it.
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 11 months ago
I notce that a lot of people don't understand the difference between a lot and alot. (See? Not afraid to speak up!)
Caitlin Davenport 11 months ago
How to ignore pedants who just like complaining and putting others down.
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#27
Useless knowledge. I know alittle bit about alot of things. I know all manner of facts that in no way actually help me in any sort of daily life situation.
Jenn C 11 months ago
But when will it be useful for me to know that penguins have knees, and owls have very long legs?
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 11 months ago
Knowing how much useless information you possess is useful information.
#28
Damn, Mom had severe ADHD and Dad 'went out for cigarettes' when I was 12. Nobody taught me anything.
#29
As stupid as it sounds, but that you have the freedom to do whatever. You spend the first 20 years of your life being told "no you can't do that" for various reasons, it took me years to figure out that I can just go to the town over for an event if I want to.
Tiny Fox 11 months ago
You can also buy an entire cake to eat on your own, and no one in the shop will stop you!
BookFanatic 11 months ago
I dunno...that still feels vaguely illegal (shoves cake in face and cackles)...
Load More Replies... Kalevra 11 months ago
Yes because letting you make dangerous and uneducated choices is good parenting. You get to do what you want in your 20s and you are allowed to f**k up as much as you want during that time. 25 is basically the starting point to start figuring out how to not be a burden to others and you better hope you have a foundation of that before 25. Otherwise your will just be an entiled prick.
#30
How important having good credit is and that you should be building that up asap. You can live without it, yes, but it limits your financing options for big purchases if you don't have any.
Susie Elle 11 months ago
Very US specific, I think. If building up credit means what I think it means, where I live, banks wouldn't touch you with a three-meter pole.
Ace 11 months ago
Indeed. \But I see lots of ads on UK TV nowadays for 'credit score' services, so I guess it might be a thing there too now. When I was a kid it was more the other way round - if you went to your bank to get a loan, a mortgage, whatever, they would look for a bad history, unpaid debt, court rulings, and only deny credit if they found bad stuff.
Load More Replies... #31
That interest earnt in a savings account can still be taxed like wth.
I’m saving money and not spending and I’m still being taxed!!!
You get to keep a certain amount but still.
Earonn - 11 months ago
You're also not working for that interest. And what's wrong with taxes, they buy you streets, infrastructure etc.
Jenn C 11 months ago
If they didn't know to budget for that tax and got caught short.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 11 months ago
It's called income tax. And interest is income. If they stopped taxing interest income, the big winners would be people like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos.
#32
I feel like nobody ever really taught me how to be comfortable with authority. Growing up I had a horrible time actually following rules and doing what I was told. I was actively defiant. The only person I respected was my father. And thats because he genuinely scared me. Now, as an adult, I become aggressive and violent whenever I am told what to do by anyone.
mandy the capibara 11 months ago
Learning doesn't stop when you are an adult, why not try to change this yourself now? Because this is not a good trait to have, and likely will get yourself or others in danger.
Amy Lee 11 months ago
At some point we have to stop blaming our parents and accept that we now have the power to steer our own ship.
Load More Replies... 
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 11 months ago
Yeah... if you "respected" your father because he was scaring you, I am not surprised that you have authority-problems.
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 11 months ago
Meaning: that isn't respect, that is fear. If you grow up in fear, it makes your brain do stupid stuff. Suggest you look for therapy, but that's probably not as easy as it writes
Load More Replies... #33
Personal body maintenance, everything from eating right and exercising to personal hygiene.
#34
Not a super important one, but how to shuffle cards. My parents did teach me, but I’ve been to a number of game nights as an adult where someone doesn’t know how to shuffle and it’s just a little awkward.
If you have kids, you should teach them to shuffle!
BookFanatic 11 months ago
My grandfather was appalled by my poor shuffling skills. "Karen Kimbrough! (my mom--you know it's bad when the middle name gets pulled out no matter how old you are) What are you teaching my granddaughter?!" I think of him every time I shuffle. :)
Multa Nocte 11 months ago
Oooh! My grandfather taught me and my siblings all how to shuffle cards and play poker and to use macaronis as chips before we were 5!
Auntriarch 11 months ago
I must learn this. I have no intention of ever playing cards, but I would love to pull off a fabulous shuffle, then walk away saying, nah I don't play
#35
How to be smooth socially. How to manage authority and suck up right.
BookFanatic 11 months ago
I always tell people I was under socialized as a puppy. If they don't look at me weird, I know I've found a friend.
Michael Largey 11 months ago
New managers need at least six months training from their employees.
DennyS (denzoren) 11 months ago
Socially, I am as smooth as cutting wood with a bread knife that has lost it's serrations.
#36
Meal planning and grocery shopping. I know how to cook (ie prepare ingredients and follow a recipe), but regularly having a fully stocked kitchen and being able to just throw together a meal based on whatever you happen to have on hand? Nope.
Unless I have a very specific meal/recipe planned and specifically shop for those ingredients, I never know what to buy at the grocery store beyond like cereal, milk, eggs, and bread.
Sky Render 11 months ago
Again, creativity helps. At the very least you should learn the basics of making a casserole and a soup. Those two things are extremely versatile and can get you through just about any "lots of ingredients without a recipe" situation.
#37
How to buy a house or car.
Anything involving insurance.
#39
Cursive/ script my signature is atrocious.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 months ago
Isn't everyone's? XD I learned cursive in school and my signature is still atrocious.
Judy Reynolds 11 months ago
My elder daughter in high school - practised making an illegible signature.
#40
How to date. Others dated when we were teens and learned a whole range of skills at 44 that I still lack despite having married before.
#41
How to argue constructively and civilly.
Hell'n Damnation 11 months ago
People have come to think that an argument is a fight, rather than putting forward the two or more sides of a case, and go straight to confrintation.
#42
As a guy, that you get off your a*s to shake the hand of the person that extended their hand in greeting. My father was wheelchair bound, so he never taught nor modelled this for me; this fact really never hit me until I was in my forties!
#43
I've always tried to teach the younger guys who just got out of high school about stuff but you know what? They never listen and I have to sit there and listen to him complain about their struggles. Life is as easy or hard as you make it. There are tons of things no one taught me such as waiting until you're in your 30s to get married because living with people is a lot different than dating them.
#44
Not me, but I see far too often
- Political literacy
- Financial literacy
- Parental competency.
#45
How to take care of a car. I didn’t know about the importance of rust proofing (I live in a winter climate). I always thought you couldn’t get car washes in the winter due to the cold but turns out it’s super important to wash away the road salt. I didn’t know how important oil changes are, or to change the filters. I didn’t know that little nicks in the paint could turn into rust real quick… learned a lot the hard way. I’m glad my first car was a beater.
#46
Having a personality of any kind. Turns out, when your parents don't acknowledge you need love and nurture and protection, you learn a little about yourself. You gotta teach them something, anything. Preferably good things, not like "don't cheat, smok3, drink etc." like my father or lie and beat us like my mother.
Took me a decade to learn I am nonbinary. I still don't even know if I even like the opposite sex or something.
#47
Finishing school. Always thought my street smarts would take me far, and they certainly have, but it took a lot longer and I missed many great opportunities dropping out.
#48
To ask for help.
Ineke Pronk 11 months ago
Also when to offer help to friends who need help but don't know how to ask. One of mine has ADHD and her slightly cluttered home caused her mental fatigue on where to even start. Offered help a few times with no judgement, got her to allow me to come over to help out with 1 cabinet. We ended up fixing the cabinet and the kitchen. Spot severalspots where things would drop out of sight out of find ways around it.
#49
Socializing.
#50
DIY… I own a house and I can’t do s*** Honestly, I have to pay someone to do every from decorating to fixing appliances. I can change a bulb. That’s about it.
My Dad could do anything and everything, so I either didn’t pay enough attention or he didn’t show me 😂.
BookFanatic 11 months ago
Same! Dad told me "women don't have to be handy" so I wasn't taught. Boyfriend's idea of teaching was tell me everything I was doing wrong. Still working up the confidence, no matter how many YouTube vids I watch.
#52
What hospice is. I was 21 when I found out my grandpa was in hospice but I thought it was just another term for being in the hospital and my parents never elaborated. I was 2 hours away and thought I had more time to visit him (thought he was just sick) so when he died I was in shock. I’m mad I didn’t ask more questions but looking back I really thought my parents would spell it out for me if it was that serious.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 months ago
In OP's parents' defense, they were probably dealing with the imminent death of one of their own parents and may not have thought about "spelling it out" to OP, because they were dealing with the logistics, the healthcare rodeo itself, and their own grief :(
Auntriarch 11 months ago
Additionally, if OP was 21 and living away from home, they might have thought OP already knew the difference. Very sad though.
Load More Replies... #53
As a kid, my mom used to go to Eckerds and get her medical perscriptions by going to the front desk with a form and waiting for them to fill it. I had no idea that things had changed and I'm not supposed to wait in front of the desk for an hour, and that they would text me when its ready hours to days later.
Ace 11 months ago
Eh? This is a pharmacy, right? It's still generally how they work, as far as I'm aware. Shouldn't take more that five minutes for a normal prescription. Hours to days later sounds like there's something seriously wrong with the system.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 months ago
I guess it depends on the pharmacy, how many employees they have, and how many prescriptions are "in line" to be filled in front of yours. It's also possible that that particular location doesn't have your medication in-stock, or doesn't have enough of it in-stock, and has to have it shipped/brought in from another location. That happens every once in a while with my migraine medication - usually I can get it filled in 10-15 minutes, but sometimes the pharmacy only has 9 pills in stock when I'm supposed to get 18, or they're completely out of stock and I have to wait - usually just til the next day.
Load More Replies... #54
Social skills are SUPER important. Like, legit. Your life improves so much if you learn how to be social. Not saying you need to be a butterfly, but you can at least settle to be a social moth.
Learning some semblance of charisma means more than so many other things you could possibly learn about people. Makes a huge difference.
#55
Gonna bite the bullet and admit this one - showering. Love my folks to bits, but they're people who do a thing for you until they don't, jumping immediately from full support to none at all. As soon as I was old enough that they weren't actually doing the scrubbing, I was on my own, except for the occasional scolding when it had been too long. So nothing was really explained.
It doesn't help that I'm autistic and need clear instructions for everything.
So as stupid as it may sound to some, I didn't know how to properly wash for years, well into high school. I could do my hair and not much else. I'm really lucky I didn't get sick more. I've gotten better but still struggle with some parts of hygiene - brushing my teeth, washing my face, cleaning my ears - all things I had to shamefully look up YouTube tutorials for, and still forget to do. Thank God for the internet so I can actually fill the gaps.
#56
The different things you can do with your money besides keeping it in a checking account in the bank. No one talks about HYSA or CDs or even the stock market in my real life. But apparently everyone else already knew about these things and I only found out about it all in my late 30s. I always had a 401k thankfully, but all these other things you can do to make your money work for you? It's like everyone got a f*****g manual and I missed it.
#57
Seems silly, but how to moisturize. My dermatologist just told me to do it but I didn’t know how and had to ask.
#58
I didn't learn until my late twenties that unprovoked verbal abuse was wrong, because it happened to me all the time during my school years and nobody was called on it.
#59
How to grocery shop
How to live on your own
How to save money .
#60
When you move into a new place -- either a rental or a home. Change the showerheads and the toilet seats. This is something I learned by moving around a lot. Small budget improvements that are big for quality of life.
Ace 11 months ago
Why? I mean, clean them, yes, obviously, check they're still working properly, sorta thing, but what problem do you think they will have that they automatically need to be thrown away?
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 11 months ago
Yeah, this is weird. Why go and buy new shower-heads if there's a working one already there? Unless you have a great one that you love and always take with you when you move, I'd only get a new one if I had to because the other was broken or disgusting. Same for toilet-seats. That said - if the person feels better that way, who am I to judge
Load More Replies... #61
Buy Realestate young.
Marriage is over rated, but can be fulfilling if you’re with someone that is willing to make it work and is kind to you.
Never hire an insurance adjuster before getting an initial quote from the insurance company. Rather they get 20% on anything extra they get you vs 20% of everything you get.
#62
Denim jeans and nice dress slacks are not worn the same way. Jeans can sit low on your hips. Slacks go up just below your belly button.
Ace 11 months ago
All sorts of different style and cut of trousers, especially if your wardrobe includes stuff from previous decades. Anyone else remember high-waisted denim jeans, for example?
Della 11 months ago
Yes. High waisted, baggy, slim, bell bottoms, straight leg, hip huggers! The double zip jeans!!! Side zip jeans! The button fly!! OVERALLS!!!! :). I remember it well.
Load More Replies... #64
Critical thinking and research skills is all you ever need. Unfortunately, the education system or lack thereof failed so many. Leaving me on top to judge all the way down….
#65
That you should be wiping down your cabinets often -we just never lived in one place long enough for it to make a difference.
#66
How to write a damn resume
Still remember sitting in front of computer looking up websites and instructions thinking, all these classes we had to attend and things we had to get to or do to demonstrate value and not a one about HOW to write a resume?
And not so long after, how little a resume kind of matters (Context dependant of course).
#67
DANCING. What am I supposed to do with my face.
#72
When I was a kid, there were several times I thought to myself, *"I'm not going to do it; they can't* make *me."* And every single time, I wound up doing it. Later, I couldn't remember what exactly they said or did that "made" me do it.
I'm 40 now, and I still feel the same way. I'm a pushover. I'm actually kind of terrified of what things I might do if an "important" person told me I "have to."
The worst part about this is I'm a teacher, and I can't get the students to do anything. Not even the simplest things, like putting their calculator back in the charger.
Every day, the students re-arrange all the chairs and desks however they want (I've made it clear this is "not allowed"), and every day I put them all back at lunch and after school, only for them to be left in whatever corner of the room after the next class.
At some point, every adult learned how to manipulate people, but I didn't.
#73
Social skills ..and when I follow articles advising how to be friends people assume I'm manipulative or too nice it can't be genui6 .
What do you think ?
PunchinelloTX 11 months ago
You can do everything “right”— eat healthily, exercise, be active, fit and clean-living, stay clear of smokes and liquor, and STILL become terribly, irreversibly ill because you’re genetically predisposed to cancer. Which brings me to the next big thing I’ve learned. Your outlook and attitude DO matter. If I were to dwell or pity myself, I’d be wasting the time I have and damaging the time my friends and family/pets have with me. Bummer, but true.
Verena 11 months ago (edited)
A friend of mine had a scrapbook/calendar with recipes for every day, following the seasons and to be expected discounts. All households in her family had that. It contained about 50 basic dishes that could be easily tweaked, and 100 special ones. At least one meal with fish per week, two veg menus. So everybody knew that on e.g. every 17 february of a year the meal would be pasta with tomato sauce and meatballs, and yoghurt as dessert. On 18 potatoes with gravy, some vegs and meat etc. Worked like a charm, her kids knew what to expect and from 14 years or so they only had to announce on time if they would eat at home or at friends or would be later and eat leftovers.
Kare Deter 11 months ago
This is an awesome idea. I would love to have a book like that
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 11 months ago
"Don't do stupid stuff." - unofficial motto of the Obama administration
PunchinelloTX 11 months ago
You can do everything “right”— eat healthily, exercise, be active, fit and clean-living, stay clear of smokes and liquor, and STILL become terribly, irreversibly ill because you’re genetically predisposed to cancer. Which brings me to the next big thing I’ve learned. Your outlook and attitude DO matter. If I were to dwell or pity myself, I’d be wasting the time I have and damaging the time my friends and family/pets have with me. Bummer, but true.
Verena 11 months ago (edited)
A friend of mine had a scrapbook/calendar with recipes for every day, following the seasons and to be expected discounts. All households in her family had that. It contained about 50 basic dishes that could be easily tweaked, and 100 special ones. At least one meal with fish per week, two veg menus. So everybody knew that on e.g. every 17 february of a year the meal would be pasta with tomato sauce and meatballs, and yoghurt as dessert. On 18 potatoes with gravy, some vegs and meat etc. Worked like a charm, her kids knew what to expect and from 14 years or so they only had to announce on time if they would eat at home or at friends or would be later and eat leftovers.
Kare Deter 11 months ago
This is an awesome idea. I would love to have a book like that
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 11 months ago
"Don't do stupid stuff." - unofficial motto of the Obama administration
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