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Even though people have a lot in common, they still have very unique upbringings. Your background, culture, community, family life, and the specific way you were raised can give you all the tools you need to succeed in life… or leave you wondering why you haven’t developed must-have skills that all grown-ups seemingly should have.
Recently, some of the members of AskReddit opened up about the life skills they feel like they missed out on because nobody taught them, only to later realize that pretty much everyone around them seems to have picked them up somehow. Scroll down to read their thoughts.
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#1
The ability to figure out what to make for dinner every day. That looked so much easier as a kid.
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#2
As a person with autism, the whole menu is the "secret menu". It feels like the whole world was given the owners manual on "How to be a Human" and all I got was the 5 page IKEA manual.
Sky Render 4 weeks ago
This, this, freaking THIS. Emulating "normal" is exhausting even once you do figure out the basics, to boot.
#3
I realised I didn’t have to get up at 7am on a Sunday, get dressed, & sit in the lounge listening to the radio.
I learned it was ok to buy branded foods if you liked them better.
I learned I could have a nap anytime, not just when I’m ill.
And I learned to drive after being told it was “too technical” for me, I wouldn’t understand it. He ( my dad) successfully put my mum & sister off learning to drive but I learnt on the sly. I passed my test with the local Chief Examiner- a Mrs Elizabeth Brown. He exclaimed “is that allowed?” as if women driving instructors/ examiners didn’t exist.
I also learnt to ride a bike despite it being “too dangerous.” Same for swimming—neither my mum or sister dared but I just snuck off. Learned at school & represented the school at swimming.
Bi.Felicia 4 weeks ago
I wonder when/where this little girl grew up. I love how she went against the grain and defied her dad.
A lot about your childhood depends upon your family’s mix of parenting styles. Permissive parents, who see their children more as friends than dependents, might let you figure things out more for yourself, which is an important part of growing up. However, that lack of direction, guidance, and rules can lead to some problems down the line regarding boundaries and impulsive behavior.
Authoritarian parents, on the other hand, might be big on discipline and commands at home, but their lack of communication and over-the-top strictness can make their children anxious and lacking initiative. In short, these kids either grow up to be good at following commands—or they rebel against their parents.
However, authoritative parents provide a good balance between rules, regulations, and expectations on the one hand and support, communication, and openness on the other. They’re warm and nurturing while also setting clear expectations and consequences for their children’s behavior. Kids who grow up in authoritative households tend to grow into very confident, independent, socially competent, and generally well-adjusted individuals.
#4
That you don't need to be constantly doing something productive. You can and should disconnect sometimes, just go watch a movie, read a book, or play a video game. Reddit and other social media will still be there. You aren't missing out on anything.
Auntriarch 3 weeks ago
If my mother is doing fun things, she will often do two simultaneously in order to justify it, so knitting whilst watching TV isn't wasting time as much as doing just one of them. When I used to phone her and ask what she'd been up to, she'd give me a list of chores she'd done that day. I wanted to hear if she'd done anything fun or interesting, or even an accident. Nope, just making sure I knew she hadn't been idle. Sad, but also tedious. Now that her life is entirely caring for my dad between hospital appointments, I just have to try to smile and nod. Instead of crying.
#5
How to self-motivate, I'm 32 and have no clue how to force myself to do something. Go to the gym, study, do laundry, make a Dr. appointment, even shower sometimes. This might be my ADHD/depression/anxiety but I see other people teaching themselves how to code, going to the gym regularly, eating healthy etc.
There will always be some subjectivity when people talk about life skills that they personally believe are must-haves. Someone who’s very outdoorsy might want their children to be independent and physically active or spend lots of time in nature, join the scouts, and learn survival skills. Meanwhile, parents who are academics might emphasize reading, studying, academic performance, financial literacy, and other more cerebral pursuits.
The core skills to focus on in life, at least at the start, are directly related to self-sufficiency. You need to know how to live independently and when needed, help others in your family and community.
For example, learning how to cook, clean, and do household chores isn’t something you can ignore. You cannot rely on others to constantly pick up after you. Not only is that unfair to them, but it also puts you in a weaker position when you have to live by yourself. How are you going to survive on your own if you can’t boil some pasta or put together a sandwich?
#7
How to really grow up. I'm 40 years old but feel like a kid in a adult world.
Bi.Felicia 4 weeks ago
I'm pretty sure we all feel the same way. I'll be 40 years old, this year and I feel like none of us, really know what we're doing, some are just better at hiding it, than others.
#8
I guess it's not a life skill pe say but it's more the horrible stark realisation that as a woman 'they' (corporate entities) want you to remain insecure about your weight/appearance etc so you will spend more money on diets/gym/make up/skin care etc.
And as a kid I thought that insecurity would go away with age but my mum whose now 70 and is the thinnest that she's ever been, is STILL going on about her weight/appearance, as is my grandmother at 93, and I just find it utterly tragic that it just never goes away.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 weeks ago
My mother is 80 and still gets Botox, fillers, does weird laser treatments to her face, microneedling, etc., all in her obsession with her appearance and her desperation to "not look old". She used to get lipo and plastic surgery frequently, but her surgeon died and when she tried to find a new one to give her a facelift, they were all "lolno, you're too at-risk at your age." It's sad because I know she has a form of body dysmorphia and thinks she looks horrible and thinks everyone is staring at how horrible/wrinkly she looks (literally no one cares/no one is staring at her) but I know that my assurances that she looks great (for her age) matter little to nothing to her.
#9
All of adulthood is paying for things. Everything, all the time, everyday. Forever.
Other vital life skills include things like financial literacy (budgeting, doing your taxes, saving, investing, etc., so you can live below your means), taking care of your health (proper exercise, eating a nutritious diet, getting plenty of sleep, managing stress), and managing your relationships (developing emotional intelligence, focusing on positive friendships, etc.).
There’s honestly nothing shameful if you don’t know a handful of skills that other people do. The important thing is to embrace the fact that you’ve got some knowledge gaps and then take the steps you need to rectify the situation. Do some research, practice those skills hands-on, look at your ‘failures’ as growth opportunities, and just keep repeating things until they become a habit. The important thing is to do something—anything—to improve your situation instead of beating yourself up for not having done so in the past.
#10
That things get better when you start doing all the hard s**t consistently until eventually it becomes second nature. Also motivation doesn't happen on its own, you have to push yourself each and every day to take the necessary actions to succeed.
#11
That you’re not at the mercy of your feelings. I used to get depressed and just lean into it, because I believed that sadness was the truth. No one ever told me that not only did I not have to feel that way, that there were things I could do to fight it (behavioral activation), but that staying sad not only hurt me, it also hurt the people I care about.
Susie Elle 4 weeks ago
Oooh, solid. I feel myself slipping into depressive moods more often (could also be depression). What doesn't help is giving in to the need to stay on the couch or in bed, but boy is that a high hill to climb when everything around you is gray.
#12
That the game is rigged.
Literally based on where you are born and who you are born to will determine your life trajectory so much more than how hard you work.
We're sold the lie that "work hard, do well" will get us where we want to be. The reality is that unless you're born well off or get extremely lucky, life will be unfairly difficult and you'll likely never get what you actually deserve.
d b 4 weeks ago
So then the question becomes: how do you know this and still thrive? 56 years old and still trying to figure it out, but think the answer is be mindful of who and what you let into your world. Good folks, gratitude for what you got, and absolute rejection of the b******t peddled to us in the name of happiness?
What life skills do you feel you learned way too late compared to your family, friends, and colleagues, dear Pandas?
Meanwhile, what skills do you personally value the most and think any grownup around the world should know? We’d love to hear your thoughts on this! Share yours in the comments below.
#13
I tell you what, sometime between my parents and my generation, we lost knot-tying. My father in law has a repertoire of like a dozen or more knots he can use for different situations and I’m just looping and pulling nearly randomly.
Little Bit 4 weeks ago
My grandfather was a fisherman. He could tie some amazing knots and do really fancy ropework. He gave me a book called 'Knots, Splices and Fancy Things' which instructs you on knot tying etc. I always said I was going to learn it but it's one of the many things I've never got around to doing 😞
#14
How to motivate myself in the mornings. And this was always a problem for me, and was always written off as being lazy or a hard sleeper. When in reality, my ADHD brain would light up at night and I'd find it hard to go to bed early, fall asleep quickly, stay asleep. My deepest sleep hours are from 4-8, I'm zonked. In college, it was often impossible to get me to class for an 8:30 class. My pathetic morning brain knew by having to teach myself the info later from other people's notes id learn it better than if I got to class late, dozed through it, had issues for the rest of the day... But I was told I'm lazy when really my brain was different than my mother and roommates idea of motivation and habit setting.
FlamingoPanda 4 weeks ago
I really want this morning culture to be less of a thing. There are a lot of people who are way more effective later in the day and get better results shifting their whole day later. But we are so often told that if we are not awake at 4:30 am, hitting the gym, eating a full nutritious breakfast and getting half our work done by 8 am then we have failed as humans.
#15
My parents taught me everything from sewing to home-maintenance and small engine repairs. This is pretty common I where I grew up. Here in Ottawa/Canada people seem to think I’m freaking McGuyver.
#16
I missed the boat on playing around with makeup while it was socially acceptable to be terrible at it. At 23, I interviewed for a clerical position that wouldn't have any customer-facing tasks. At the end of the 30min interview, the woman rejected me. I asked if there was anything I could work on to make myself a more appealing applicant, and she said, "You have everything we're looking for, but if you can't even give us the benefit of blush, what can we really expect from your performance? A girl your age should know better."
That night, I cried to my boyfriend about how belittled I felt and spiraled over how many other opportunities I missed because I never felt the need to learn how to do makeup. I spent the next several days binge watching YouTube tutorials and product reviews, trying to build a skill I never knew I needed. I figured that even if I only ever used it in job interviews, at least I'd have the skill in my back pocket. My boyfriend picked up extra shifts to buy me my first set of products and brushes, but reminded me the whole way through that he loved my face no matter what some dumb old b***h in a blazer said.
I got fairly good at doing my own face, and it really did make a difference in how professionals treated me as a young woman in the workforce. 10 years later, it's crazy to think about how a single bad interview has cost me thousands in makeup but brought me hours of fun. I'm addicted to lipstick and rarely go out without it. Hell, I put it on to do my dishes.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 weeks ago
This makes me so sad. A female person should never "have" to wear makeup in order to get a job/keep a job. No woman should have to wear makeup in order to "be attractive/pretty/etc." I know it's not the society we live in, but women should NOT "have" to wear makeup in ANY situation/circumstances unless they want to. I personally loathe makeup (my mom forced me into acting as a child and I got slathered with way too much makeup at a young age when I should have been wearing ZERO makeup) and I don't feel that it adds "value" to my status as a female. If you think I'm "ugly" without makeup, then you aren't someone I want to talk to, let alone someone I want to have in my life. Ironically, I clash with my mom a lot on this - she was born in 1944, and to her, it's unthinkable for a woman to go in public without a full face of makeup. She's 80 and still puts on makeup just to go outside to get the mail or go to the store. I refuse to wear "daily" makeup and I disappoint her every day XD
#17
Emptying the dryer lint. First time I moved out at 22, noticed that over the first few months my dryer would take longer and longer to dry my clothes. Mentioned it to my mother and she asked if I had been clearing the lint.
It was a brick of lint, like a geological survey of all the loads that contributed to it.
It’s a good thing I never burnt my apartment down.
Bi.Felicia 4 weeks ago (edited)
I feel as though, only children that never had to do chores, growing up, are the ones that don't know that you need to empty the lint trap after every load of laundry. Also those that may have never had a dryer, in the home, growing up. Obviously if they never had one, they probably wouldn't know how to use one, initially.
#18
Cleaning and how often you're supposed to clean certain things.
winterwidow87 4 weeks ago (edited)
I will always remember briefly after going to live on my own i was visiting my parents, and i heard my little brother (he was like 16 at the time) ask my mum why does she have to clean the bathroom so often if it's clean already. I laughed and answered for her "because the fact that she cleans it often is the reason it stays clean. Do you think bathrooms magically clean themselves?". It's amazing how many things you take for granted when you live with your parents, and how quickly your perspective shifts when you have to do everything on your own.
#19
How to eat like a normal person. my eating disorder started when i was like 8 and now i just have no idea how to eat a normal amount of food and talk about food normally. i hear the phrase "eat when you're hungry and stop eating when you're full" but like. how do you know when you're hungry and full? if it's some innate sense i lost it long ago.
LilDumpling 4 weeks ago
I would say find a few safety meals. Meals that you've researched the nutrients on, the portion sizes, the tastiness, the ability to create the meal. Build a routine with those meals and gradually add more over time. However, don't become so obsessed with the nutrition numbers that you lose sight of your real goal. If you pre-portion your meals (meal prep) and give yourself concrete windows of when to eat throughout the day, it all becomes routine and you'll think less about it.
#20
All the nuances of home maintenance. Thankfully, I've found some good resources for this but I'm 10 years into home ownership and still finding new things to do better.
#21
I was always told to wear plastic bags on your feet when you run in the snow to keep your feet warm and dry. However, no one told me they actually go on your feet. UNDER your shoes. First time I took this advice I layered two plastic bags around my running shoes and tied them around my ankles, and was very confused why the bags kept ripping and I was slipping all over. Some old man passed me up and said “honey I think those go on your feet, not your shoes.”.
#22
Being confident. We were laughed at and unsupported as children and were not allowed to have an opinion.
#23
Networking.
How was I supposed to know that I need to keep in contact with everyone I have ever worked with on the off chance that they can get me in the door for job openings? No one told me this.
DennyS (denzoren) 4 weeks ago
Yeah, I failed horribly at this because of my social anxiety. Networking isn't my strong suite.
#24
How to budget.
DennyS (denzoren) 4 weeks ago
I learnt this after a spell of unemployment and going broke...now I budget everything.
#25
My personal list of skills I picked up after I left home:
social dancing
public speaking
socializing in a work environment
budgeting
basic understanding of laws and taxes
work with difficult people
going out alone
do whatever you want.
#26
I noticed alot of people are afraid to speak out when they see something wrong. Like they hope someone else will deal with it.
#27
Useless knowledge. I know alittle bit about alot of things. I know all manner of facts that in no way actually help me in any sort of daily life situation.
#28
Damn, Mom had severe ADHD and Dad 'went out for cigarettes' when I was 12. Nobody taught me anything.
#29
As stupid as it sounds, but that you have the freedom to do whatever. You spend the first 20 years of your life being told "no you can't do that" for various reasons, it took me years to figure out that I can just go to the town over for an event if I want to.
#30
How important having good credit is and that you should be building that up asap. You can live without it, yes, but it limits your financing options for big purchases if you don't have any.
What do you think ?
PunchinelloTX 4 weeks ago
You can do everything “right”— eat healthily, exercise, be active, fit and clean-living, stay clear of smokes and liquor, and STILL become terribly, irreversibly ill because you’re genetically predisposed to cancer. Which brings me to the next big thing I’ve learned. Your outlook and attitude DO matter. If I were to dwell or pity myself, I’d be wasting the time I have and damaging the time my friends and family/pets have with me. Bummer, but true.
Verena 4 weeks ago (edited)
A friend of mine had a scrapbook/calendar with recipes for every day, following the seasons and to be expected discounts. All households in her family had that. It contained about 50 basic dishes that could be easily tweaked, and 100 special ones. At least one meal with fish per week, two veg menus. So everybody knew that on e.g. every 17 february of a year the meal would be pasta with tomato sauce and meatballs, and yoghurt as dessert. On 18 potatoes with gravy, some vegs and meat etc. Worked like a charm, her kids knew what to expect and from 14 years or so they only had to announce on time if they would eat at home or at friends or would be later and eat leftovers.
Kare Deter 4 weeks ago
This is an awesome idea. I would love to have a book like that
Load More Replies...
Michael Largey 4 weeks ago
"Don't do stupid stuff." - unofficial motto of the Obama administration
PunchinelloTX 4 weeks ago
You can do everything “right”— eat healthily, exercise, be active, fit and clean-living, stay clear of smokes and liquor, and STILL become terribly, irreversibly ill because you’re genetically predisposed to cancer. Which brings me to the next big thing I’ve learned. Your outlook and attitude DO matter. If I were to dwell or pity myself, I’d be wasting the time I have and damaging the time my friends and family/pets have with me. Bummer, but true.
Verena 4 weeks ago (edited)
A friend of mine had a scrapbook/calendar with recipes for every day, following the seasons and to be expected discounts. All households in her family had that. It contained about 50 basic dishes that could be easily tweaked, and 100 special ones. At least one meal with fish per week, two veg menus. So everybody knew that on e.g. every 17 february of a year the meal would be pasta with tomato sauce and meatballs, and yoghurt as dessert. On 18 potatoes with gravy, some vegs and meat etc. Worked like a charm, her kids knew what to expect and from 14 years or so they only had to announce on time if they would eat at home or at friends or would be later and eat leftovers.
Kare Deter 4 weeks ago
This is an awesome idea. I would love to have a book like that
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 4 weeks ago
"Don't do stupid stuff." - unofficial motto of the Obama administration
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