30 Women Share The Times They Were Completely Ignored In Favor Of Men, Despite Being Clients
Being ignored is a frustrating experience. But being ignored because of your gender, race, culture, or sexuality is enough to make you livid. Unfortunately, even in the 21st century, being stereotyped and written off at a glance is still possible.
In a viral thread on the r/AskReddit community, redditor Teacherspet5859438e (wow, that’s a long username!) asked the women on the site to share the times that they were being ignored in favor of their male partners, colleagues, or friends, despite them being the clients.
Have a scroll through some of the top responses and let us know if you’ve ever experienced anything similar in the comment section at the bottom of this list. Keep in mind, some of these stories might get you worked up with how unfair they are. Rude? Lacking manners? That’s just the tip of the iceberg...
This post may include affiliate links.
We were buying a new mattress. It was a joint decision for the feel of it, but my decision for the price-point and warranty because I was paying for it. I noticed the salesperson talking to my husband more than to me (the one with the money), but I'm used to it. Then, my husband wandered away as if he'd never seen a furniture store before.
Weird, but okay. He came back and said, 'Hey, can I have some money? I'm going to go check out the *insert dumb little decorative thing.*' I was weirded out because I have never seen him care about even a lamp enough to go examine it on his own. But I said sure and handed him some cash.
The salesman IMMEDIATELY stopped paying attention to my husband. Suddenly, in his mind, I was wearing the pants. He started asking me what I did for a living and whatnot, and I was able to negotiate for a slightly lower price. I love my husband so much. He knew exactly what he was doing.
I'm an Army veteran. My debit card is with a military-affiliated bank. Every time I pay for dinner at a restaurant, they bring it back, set it in front of my husband, and thank him for his service.
My husband was never in the military. The card has my name on it, and sometimes, they even have watched me pull it out of my bag!
I have also been by myself somewhere, paid for something with the card, and had the person who sees the card look at me and say, 'Oh, was your husband or dad in the military?' Um, no. No, they were not. I was. Thank you.
I'm so furious about this one!! How deeply engraved is their picure if manliness to ignore every fact that is in front of their eyes?!
Don’t get mad. These are stereotypes enforced by society and media. These people are victims of that programming. The only way to change that is to normalise women in service.
Load More Replies...My mom Was a veteran as well this type of thing pissed her off royally
This "thank you for your service" thing is totally weird for Europeans, it was tried in Britain once and was found to be cringe-worthy.
Yeah it's kind of weird. But to each their own I guess :)
Load More Replies...How true. Me(active duty USAF at the BX): I'd like to put these on lay-a-way. Clerk: What's your father's name? Me: He's dead. Clerk: What's your husband's name? Me: I'm not married. Clerk: I can't sell these to you. Me: When did you quit selling to active duty personnel?
Same. I love when we go to Lowe's and the cashier will see that we get the military discount and will turn to my husband and thank him for his service. He hasn't served a day in his life.
I have a "disabled veteran" license plate on my car. People approach me all the time and thank my husband for his service. "I am not married." At that point, they look at me like I grew another head. "I am the disabled veteran." On the plus side, as a cop was writing me a ticket we had this same exchange, and he stopped, returned to his car, and drove off without a word.
That's f****d up. I would be so mad. Maybe the lady in the story could get one of those T-shirts with text like *YES I am a proud VETERAN, I was born in JULY and my husband is a TEACHER and I own a GUN"
HEY, how about a T-shirt on the kids that say, "My mom was Rambo's drill instructor" and have a licensed photo from the movie poster.
Load More Replies...That is awful. Thank you for your service. And for restraint and not kicking those jerks.
I was in the military and oddly enough a lot of coworkers were female... f**k I knew that a decade before I joined and when I was a kid that women also serve
Same. I've had it happen a few times. Husband laughs, I say, "my honor", and take back my card. Also, because I'm the vet, our VA loan (and house title!) has to list my name first. We get those "refi your military mortgage" letters, with his name on them! Those get tossed.
I get this all the time, my husband wears his hair high and tight, but I am the veteran. I usually just respond with Navy Seabees, EO3 Williams at your service. I love the back pedaling that happens, but don't usually make an issue of it.
Damn now I have the “I’m a USAA member for life” ad stuck in my head.
Ignorance is not the same as disrespect. I bet they never made the same mistake again
We were driving through Utah - bet you know where this is going. Stopped to get a snack. The young male waiter kept asking my husband if there was anything else, here is the bill, and so on. I was carrying the money per husband's request. I kept answering the waiter, do you want anything else, husband? Then, no thank you waiter. Even when I paid at the register, said waiter was taking the money from me and telling husband, have a nice day. Husband says on the way out, I appreciate that you didn't smack that kid. It was hard, but I did mange to control myself.
No.... Thank them for THEIR services. The thing they were doing right there in front of you, instead of wanting to be noticed for taking a personal choice to be in the military however many years ago.
To be fair though, military spouses can get debit cards from military affiliated banks too.
That is annoying but if you think about it it is more uncommon for women to serve, so they are conditionied that way, as most people are. They are not being mean. They don´t pay enough attention.
Lord Bubuza is like a God on Earth, He can solve any kind of problem with his spell. My boyfriend broke up with me 1 year ago and we totally stopped communicating, I missed him but he refused to accept me back after begging him so many times. One day I was doing some research about relationships on the internet when I saw countless testimonies of people testifying about Lord Bubuza Miraculous spell. So I contacted him via WhatsApp: +1 505 569 0396, I told him my problems and he promised to help me with his spell. I followed his instructions and it was a shock to me because 14 hours after Lord Bubuza cast his spell, my boyfriend called me crying and begging me to forgive him, He came home begging me on his knees to accept him back. Lord Bubuza is a God on Earth that solves problems with his spell. His Spell is supper active and 100% guaranteed. Contact him via WhatsApp: +1 505 569 0396 or via e-mail: lordbubuzamiraclework@hotmail.com
Natural herbs have cured so many illness that drugs and injection cant cure. I've seen the great importance of natural herbs and the wonderful work they have done in people's lives. I read people's testimonies online on how they were cured of herpes, HIV, diabetics etc by Dr. Ogba Kosu herbal medicine, so i decided to contact the doctor because i know nature has the power to heal anything. I was diagnosed with HIV for the past 7 years but Dr. Ogba Kuso cured me with his herbs and i referred my aunt and her husband to him immediately because they were both suffering from herpes and they were cured too. I know is hard to believe but am a living testimony. There is no harm trying herbs. He is also a spell caster, he cast spells to restore broken marriages and a good luck spells to prosper and excel in life. Contact Dr. Ogba Kosu on: drogbakosu@gmail.com Phone/Whatsap no: +2348137291215 facebook.com/Dr.OgbaKosucurecenter/
If people didn’t have gender stereotypes ingrained into their brains then she wouldn’t have this problem either, and yet here we are.
Load More Replies...This August I bought a new truck and took my boyfriend with. He is white and I am mexican, we arrived at the dealership and I asked about the explorer they had front and center. Salesman comes over and is asking a bunch of questions to my bf. He told him its for me. I was ignored for the entire conversation. I got up and started looking at the truck. A Hispanic Salesman comes and asks me if I need help. I was out of there within 1.5 hours keys in hand. Found my bf with the other salesman. I looked at bf and said I bought the one I wanted Manny G got me squared away. The look of utter disappointment and anger on the guys face was worth it. My bf chuckled and told said "I told you she was the one buying." Manny you were great.
I love that story. They woman got good assistance, the boyfriend had a little bit of entertainment while waiting, and the guy got served.
The redditor’s thread got 63.6k upvotes and over 200 awards, proving that it’s a topic that resonated with the online community. Though the thread pointed out that there are plenty of guys out there who have old-fashioned attitudes, there’s a positive flipside, too: some men are more than happy to stand up for their loved ones and coworkers, setting the record straight.
Gender stereotypes, according to the Council of Europe, are one of the main obstacles on the path to “real gender equality” because they lead to gender discrimination. These stereotypes are “preconceived ideas whereby males and females are arbitrarily assigned characteristics and roles determined and limited by their sex.”
My old teacher told me a story about a cold caller. A man phoned the house phone (this was around the 80s/90s when people still had house phones) asking for the man of the house to talk about changing supplier for something or other. My teacher (a woman) told the man that her husband was away on a business trip and to call back the next day.
He called the next day, again asking for the man of the house, and she informed him that her husband had been delayed and to call back the next day. He called the next day, and she informed him that due to bad weather his flight had been delayed until later on that night, so please call back the next day. He called the next day, she put her husband on, the man asked about changing to his company's service. The husband informing him that his wife dealt with all the bills and please talk to her. My teacher took the phone, said "no thank you" and hung up.
I’ve been on the flip side of this.
For years, I worked at bicycle shops and regularly sold some pretty expensive bikes.
One day, a couple came in. The wife was interested in a bike, and it quickly became apparent that the husband was an overpowering, dominating type. “She wants to do this, she doesn’t want to do that, she likes this, she doesn’t like that” etc.
When it became clear she wasn’t being allowed to do much speaking at all, I would let the husband as the question, and I’d reply by physically turning and giving the answer to the wife, making eye contact with her only and pointedly ignoring the husband. It was pretty blatant.
She loved it. She lit up, engaged with me, and genuinely seemed to enjoy the process of learning more about riding and getting into a new sport/hobby.
I was at Best Buy getting some PC components because my friend asked me to help update his motherboard and processor. The first employee was respectful and sent for someone with keys to get the parts for me. The guy with the keys kept asking my friend what he wanted. And when I would have to answer, he would ask me twice and sometimes three times if I was sure about it.
Yes. I’m sure. I have a computer science degree. Give me the processor.
First I should mention that I am female and I made a sales person at Best Buy run away... I started asking specific questions about the components of their prebuilt gaming computers (they were at least three years out of date and still wanted over $2000 for them) that were on display. I was in the store for something else and thought I'd look to see what the current tech for computers was as I was planning on building my own gaming computer. The last time I had built a desktop was the year DDR1 memory first hit the market and mentioned that, the guy gave me a look and just turned and walked away. I still don't know what his problem was but since he didn't want to or couldn't help me, I then went to the local mom and pop computer store had a great conversation with the guys there, bought the components I wanted and put the computer together myself.
The Council of Europe explains the dangers of such stereotypes: “Sex stereotyping can limit the development of the natural talents and abilities of boys and girls, women and men, their educational and professional experiences as well as life opportunities in general. Stereotypes about women both result from and are the cause of deeply engrained attitudes, values, norms, and prejudices against women. They are used to justify and maintain the historical relations of power of men over women as well as sexist attitudes which are holding back the advancement of women.”
As with plenty of other sensitive issues, education is one of the key ways how attitudes can be changed. But personal responsibility is just one part of the solution. New government and business policies can contribute to fighting gender stereotypes in the workplace and outside of it. That and reminding everyone that basic manners, like not turning your back to someone or pretending they’re not even there, still mean a lot, even in 2021.
I took my colleague out to lunch. When the bill came around, the waitress gave it to him because she assumed he would be paying.
He wasn’t a subordinate, he was at the same level as me. However, I was given a company card, and he wasn’t due to the nature of our jobs. He graciously grabbed the bill and gave it to me, saying, 'She’s the boss.' Smart move: It made me feel validated, and he got a free lunch.
Where ever I go in the UK the waiter/waitress asks who gets the bill
I’m a female business owner with a male business partner. I’ve had a few customers and reps born in the Dark Ages who ask to 'speak to my boss.
The worst was a guy who snapped his fingers and told me to 'put the kettle on, girly.' Needless to say, he didn’t get his cuppa, and he certainly didn’t get the discount he asked for.
He wasn't my husband, not even my boyfriend, but a guy friend I happened to have around when a carpenter came to fix something in MY home.
I welcomed the joiner in and started talking to him about the issue. Then, he saw my friend and did a 180° to talk to him. He literally turned his back on me while I was mid-sentence. In MY home.
I have a chronic pain disease that runs in the family. I noticed that my father and male relatives have no problems securing pain meds, but my doctors would never give me any — despite me clearly indicating how much pain I was in.
So I started bringing either my father or my husband to my medical appointments (which is hugely intrusive), would have them repeat how much pain I was in, and low and behold, suddenly I get pain medication.
Oh, comic cons. I’ve learned to just tell men that I’m not that into comics when they try to ask me what I’m into. Otherwise, half the time, it turns into an interrogation where they try to prove I’m 'not a true comic fan.
I’m a comic book artist.
When I had my appendix taken out, I asked my doctor when sex would be okay again. He turned to my husband and said, 'Whenever you feel ready, you can begin sexual relations again.
I don’t know if he was uncomfortable talking to me about it or was deferring to what my husband would prefer. Either way, it was strange.
I was trying to collect a parcel from the post office that was addressed to both me and my husband. They told me that my husband had to come to collect it. I asked whether they meant both of us had to be there, and the response was no, just him.
Needless to say, I was not happy. After a while of arguing, they gave me the parcel.
We had our backyard completely relandscaped. When the landscaper came over for the estimate, he almost exclusively addressed my husband — even though I'd made it clear I was the one doing the designing and knew what I wanted to be done. Afterward, when I paid him, he kept looking behind me for my husband.
He almost didn't give me the aftercare instructions for the new sod, saying he wanted to make sure it was done right so he'd email them to my husband. I finally snapped, 'Give me the damn piece of paper, Bruce! I'm the one who will be home during the day to do the damn thing!' (I worked nights at the time.)
He reluctantly handed it over and called my husband the next day to make sure the lawn got watered. My husband told him, 'You'd have to ask her, Bruce. She told you she'd do the damn thing,' and hung up. I had, indeed, done the damn thing.
My husband and I wanted a fence around our house. A man came over to give an estimate during a workday. I was ready to sign the papers, and he said, 'I’d rather talk to your husband about the numbers and get his signature since he will be the one paying for it.' I asked him to leave my property and never come back.
I have always worked from home, and my husband has always worked in a field where he cannot take time to meet with contractors, etc. He and I agree on terms upfront, and then I make decisions from there. It doesn’t matter in life, but for this story it does: I make more than my husband. For the fence, we had already agreed on this company based on various factors, and the estimate had ended up being less than we expected to pay.
We had already agreed on this company based on various factors. A man came over to give an estimate during a work day, which ended up being less than we expected to pay. I was ready to sign the papers and he said “I’d rather talk to your husband about the numbers and get his signature since he will be the one paying for it” I asked him to leave my property and never come back.
When my husband and I were looking for our first house, he had just graduated and still had student debt. I had been practicing law and had $20k saved for the downpayment. The real estate agent only spoke to him, even if I asked the questions.
In one house, we went to look at the basement, and the guy said, 'You don't want to go there. It has spiders.' I told my husband that I wouldn't ever buy a house from him
Later, the guy ran for office, and I told everyone the story, including a woman that called me randomly to promote his candidacy. Turns out, she was his mother. It's a small thing but indicative of his attitude toward 'the fairer sex.'
I wouldve marched right in there grabbed a daddy long legs and placed it on that guys head
I was trying to buy a TV, and my boyfriend came along to help carry the box. Every time I asked a question, the employee would answer by turning to my boyfriend and talking to him. Even when my boyfriend said stuff like, 'I don't know, it’s her TV,' the employee still faced and made eye contact only with him.
I was getting pretty irritated. The last straw was when I was handing him MY credit card, and he turns to my boyfriend to ask if he wants the two-year warranty. Finally, I snapped at him, 'IT'S NOT HIS TV! I AM BUYING THIS TV! STOP TRYING TO SELL IT TO HIM!' I was pissed, and it was the most irritating and sexist customer service I’ve ever experienced.
There is no way on earth I would have completed that sale. And I would have told his supervisor why.
When I was a baby, I wouldn't 'latch on' when my mother breastfed me, so I wasn't eating well. The doctor completely ignored my mom and only talked to my dad because she was 'too hysterical.'
He was on the verge of finding out what that looked like.
Not exactly this scenario, but it rankles me to this day. There was a particular car I wanted and I wanted it with a manual transmission, which was tough to find in that car. There was one at a local dealer that was near my office, so I stopped in during my lunch hour to see what they'd do on price. At the time, I was a young, professional woman in my twenties. The car was for me and I was paying cash.
I wander in around noon on a Tuesday. No one even acknowledges my presence though there was NO ONE else in the showroom. Finally, I go up to one of the salespeople and say "Hey, do you still have [model] car? I thought you had one in stock." The guy looked at me, in total seriousness, and says in a very condescending tone, "Oh, honey, you don't want that car, it has a manual transmission. Let me show you these others that would be better for you."
Ummmm, wtf? After the initial shock wore off, I looked at him and said, "Well, first off, my name isn't 'Honey'. I have a name which you'd know if you'd bothered to ask. Second, I know what I want and don't need you to tell me. I think we're done here." And, with that, I walked out the door.
I ended up finding the same model, manual transmission, at another dealership about a hour from my house. TOTALLY worth the drive. I did most of the deal over the phone. The salesman DGAF that I was female. We got to a price we could both live with and the deal was done. SO MUCH BETTER. Drove that car until it died about 10 years later.
The first dealership went out of business about a year later. Can't say I'm surprised.
My previous car was a manual, bought new. When I told the dude at the dealership I wanted a manual he high-fived me. I think that attitudes to women are a lot different here in Australia than they are in the US. It still happens sometimes, but this level of sexism just doesn't seem to be anywhere near as bad here.
I was the guy in the scenario but I was at a comic con with my girlfriend. It was her idea to go to the con as she actively collected comics (I have a pile of graphic novels but usually don't bother with individual issues.) At one booth there was an indie artist trying to hawk his new book. He saw us both looking through a copy and came over to engage. He started talking to me but then she asked him a question about the book. He gave a short answer and then tried to talk to me about the book again. She just got an annoyed look for a second and then moved onto the next booth. I set the book down and cut him off to say "sorry dude, she's the comic fan, I was just looking at the drawings" and then moved on too.
Assuming I was the nerdier one was acceptable. Still a somewhat sexist assumption, but if you look at the traditional gender split of a comic con it's a reasonable assumption. But once she tried to engage and he ignored her in favor of a male then that just showed he was an idiot. And seeing it first-hand I really kind of felt bad for nerdy girls who have guys gatekeeping nerdy things or assuming the girls don't have the right to be interested in them.
Well I like that you were the Male who noticed this and not just kept going without consulting your GF
At work, I was meeting a new vendor ('Pat') that was to be servicing one of the facility systems I oversee. Pat had already met the facilities engineer (also a man), who was introducing me to Pat. Instead of talking directly to me, Pat shook my hand, turned to my coworker, and asked him, 'And what does she do here?'
A few weeks later, Pat had the unpleasant opportunity to learn that I’m the one who calls him when his company falls through and doesn’t deliver. Needless to say, I was not overly polite about it when Pat failed to do his job.
The second encounter with Pat would have been a splendid " In my office, NOW" moment to tear him apart.
I work on male-skewing TV shows, and a lot of my colleagues are male. I'm the showrunner, and I direct the shows. We hire local drone operators, so when we meet our drone team, I give them an overview of what we're looking for in the shot. Conservatively, 75% of the time, follow up questions will be directed to my male colleagues.
We hire local drone operators across the US and globally. No matter where we go, it happens. My colleagues are now in the habit of just staring back in response, letting it get real awkward, and then saying, 'Ask her.'
I'm not a woman but I witnessed this scenario. I've posted it on reddit before but here it is again
A little more than a decade ago I (male) was at a party with a few friends and a whole bunch of strangers. I got into a conversation with another guy about our work. He was a programmer and I was a physicist, and at some point we started talking about quantum computing. He asked me a whole bunch of questions to which I gave answers, but my subfield was not quantum information. Fortunately my friend came to the party with me, and she was also a physicist, and specifically a quantum computing specialist. As soon as I saw her cross my field of vision I waved her over thinking she'd both appreciate the conversation and be able to contribute a whole lot more than I could.
Y'all. Even after I introduce her as a fellow physicist and quantum computing expert, the guy kept asking me questions. And I kept being like, "I honestly have no clue, [friend], you're the expert, what's going on there." And like, I deflected three or four questions that way before I think he got the hint that maybe he's addressing the wrong person.
He changes his conversation strategy so that instead of asking me about QIS, he starts trying to show off, to her, what he knows about it. Like, in his brain this flipped from an opportunity to learn more about quantum computers to an opportunity to get laid showing off what little he knows about the subject. So he's mansplain-flirting quantum information science to a woman who had literally built and programmed what was, at the time, one of the world's only functioning multi-qubit quantum computers.
I wish I could say I watched her die a little inside, but apparently this was so common a kind of occurrence that she was inured to it, and just laughed and went to get another beer.
I once caught some hunters trespassing on my property. I wasn’t rude to them at all, I just waved from the other side of the field. The next day, they show up at my house. One gestures towards the police car in the driveway and asks to speak to my husband about hunting in our woods.
I was like, 'You can talk to him if you want, but that’s my cruiser, and this is my land, not his.' They still insisted on getting permission from my husband.
One time, I described my car problem to the desk guy at the auto shop as a 'clicking' when I turned the key and asked if they'd check the timing belt. He said I'd have to leave my car there, so my husband arrived 10 minutes later to pick me up. The mechanic came out and asked him what was going on with the car, never looking at me.
I finally asked if he'd checked the timing belts as I'd asked the guy at the desk to do. He had not. Gotta say, mad turned to cocky when it turned out to be the timing belt. This happens a lot with auto repair.
My dad taught me a lot about cars. I had a 1971 Pinto that I bought with my own money when I was 19. One day it was sluggish, jerking, noisy, etc. I took it over to my dad so he could check the cylinders before I took it in for warranty repairs. I then took it into the dealership and told them which cylinder was misfiring. The guy looked at me and said they'd have to check it out. I looked him dead in the eye and repeated myself again telling him which cylinder was the culprit. He insisted upon checking it while I stood there. I will never forget the look on his face when he had to admit I was correct.
I ordered a grill from Lowe’s for curbside pickup and called my best friend with a truck (who is male) to drive. The Lowe’s dude took forever before coming outside MULTIPLE TIMES to let my friend know the grill is missing, give him status updates, and apologize.
The whole time, he's looking my friend in the face and ignoring me. Every single time, my friend says, 'Talk to her. I’m just the ride.' Women are allowed to make purchases. We like food, too. Friend earned major additional kudos that day for calling out the Lowe’s dude’s sexism.
We wanted to replace our roof and had found a company that was running a promotion. I called and scheduled for someone to come out for a quote. I was able to answer all of his questions, but he refused to give me a quote without my husband present (with some 'sign before we leave for best price' excuse). He was intent on driving back over the following day when my husband would be home.
I called their main office shortly after he left and told them that I wasn't interested in any high-pressure sales tactics, I just wanted a quote, and if they wouldn't give that to me, the one who would be paying for it, then to not bother coming back out. I didn't see them again. The three other roofing companies I contacted had no problem dealing solely with me.
We were buying a car for me. Because we were paying for it outright but financing the minimum amount, we had to sit in the salesman's office for an inordinately long time answering questions. The salesman — who was great in every other way — would ask my husband the questions. My husband pointed at me and said, 'I don't know, it's her car.' The salesman said, 'Of course, but we all know how it goes, right?' and kept asking him.
We both wanted to get the paperwork signed and get the hell out of there with the car, but we were also on the same wavelength wondering how far we could go with this. So, the salesman would ask my husband a question. My husband would blatantly turn to me and repeat the question. I would answer him, then he would turn back to the salesman and repeat exactly what I'd said. The dude never got the idea that maybe he could just ask me the questions.
We bought my husband a car later and put both of our names on the paperwork. When we had to sign, the finance guy saw that my last name was different and asked when we were getting married. He was confused when we said, 'Er, eight years ago?'
Edit - I edited the comment and missed a bit out. It was just a point of comparison.
When my parents and I went to look at colleges, the admissions guy opened by shaking my dad's hand, constantly directed questions at my dad, and would look to him for confirmation whenever my mom said something.
My mom is defacto the money person of our family unit. She manages the family finances and investments, and she was way, way, way more qualified to comment on things like student loans or expected contribution. When we left that meeting, she was absolutely furious that she had to basically fight the admissions person to have a normal conversation.
The father could have immediately set that admissions guy straight. "I'm just the brawn, she's the brains. Talk to her or fight with me."
When I was shopping for a car, the salesmen at every dealership kept talking to my husband instead of me — even though I was the one who contacted the dealerships and made sure to introduce myself first.
My husband got sick of it and started telling them, 'Don’t talk to me, it’s not my car. Talk to her.' I wound up buying from a saleswoman who treated us equally — until she pretty quickly figured out my husband was not involved whatsoever in the decision.
I went shopping for a car alone. Usually if I go with my husband they tell him all about the car, engine, whistles and bells etc. When I went, no shiz first thing he showed me was the trunk space for groceries. Told him that didn't matter to me, next car he showed me he did the same thing . I just left after that. Since I worked up the street at a restaurant I knew his boss, so I let him know this guy had blown a sell to show me the Trunk!! The last thing I cared about on a car i was interested in buying. Needless to say I heard later on his boss gave him the wtf talk. I was SO pissed but felt better after ratting him out to his boss!! Didn't go back to that dealership either. Just to not give them my business.
So a while back my wife and I were hitting up local dealerships trying to find a replacement car for her 2006 Nissan subcompact. The first thing I would tell each salesman was that we were shopping around for a daily for her to drive.
Honda dealership was stereotypical car salesman "We can't even let her take a test drive unless she shows intent to buy"
Ford dealership ignored her completely and tried to sell me a mustang.
Toyota was like, "oh you must want to look at our (insert soccer mom vehicle here)"
But when we got to Mazda I told the sales guy the same thing that we were looking for her next car, and he immediately nodded, turned to her and asked "what do you look for in a car?" And then he just listened to her. He didn't ask me anything for the rest of the time we were there, focused entirely on her and answering her questions. Never rushed her or pushed her towards a different model.
So yeah we'll probably be getting her a soul red Mazda3 cuz of that guy.
Why did HE have to start the conversations though? When I've gone to buy a car I start the conversation and then they carry on talking to me. So why couldn't she go into the dealership and say she's buying and see what happens. His starting the conversation could have skewed who they saw as 'in charge'. His saying it was 'for' her doesn't mean that she's the one making the decisions. Let her do the talking in the first place.
I was at a Mexican restaurant with my husband. I don't eat cheese or dairy, so I was looking for items on the menu that didn't list those as ingredients, and I found shrimp tacos. The other tacos on the menu did list cheese and 'white sauce' as ingredients, but I thought it made sense for shrimp tacos not to have those ingredients, so I didn't bother telling the waiter "no dairy." I mean, the menu didn't say they had dairy in the first place, so I thought I was in the clear.
The tacos came out smothered in cheese and white sauce, so I sent them back and told the busser (different person than the guy who took our order) that I was sorry, but I couldn't eat dairy. The waiter came storming out and asked my husband why "she" (me, sitting right there across the table, obviously capable of speaking) sent the tacos back. I told him that I couldn't eat dairy, and that the menu didn't say they had dairy on them. He ignored me and told my husband that "she" should have expected there to be cheese on all of the tacos, so I asked why it didn't say that on the menu. He continued to ignore me and told my husband that "she" had no right to send food back, because "she" wasn't paying the bill, and he would only talk to the one who was. My husband told him that he needed to talk to me, the one with the problem, so he stormed off to get the owner and called me a b**** on his way off. That was the only thing he said to me.
We got up and left without paying the second he walked away.
When we were having our house built, the lady helping us kept saying that the house would have WiFi on all three floors. We asked to have ethernet cables run to certain rooms, and she laughed and said, 'Well, he can have one run to his office, but you'll be fine with WiFi.'
I was like, 'No, I would like one as well.' We both play games online, sometimes MMOs, and wanted hard lines run. She just couldn't understand why a woman would need anything other than WiFi. It made me angry for her to make the assumptions.
My husband is awesome and regularly tells contractors to speak to me about things. My dad was a machinist, my mom worked for a tool company. So my husband handles the car, and I handle the house — divide and conquer. It's so frustrating when people assume I don't know anything about repairs or tools. I'm just glad my husband is very supportive and knows I am capable of doing things.
Uggghhhhh wifi only, disgusting. Wifi in our house is crappy and cuts out randomly. Would plug my ph into the router if i could.
I was buying a new sports car. My husband and I walk into the dealership and the sales guy walks up holding his hand out to shake my husband's hand and asks how he can help.
Fine. No biggie. My husband says "she's buying, not me". Sales guy glances at me and says to my husband "Well, it's not just her decision, right?".
We left and I bought my new sports car elsewhere. Friggin Jerk.
Find a lot of these just not my personal experience. Bought a sports car and the dealer spoke to me, knew it was for me. Husband was there to just share my enjoyment and none of the questions that required decisions went to him. Purchased a number of cars, new and second hand, and only had one think it was my partner and then when they knew it was me they talked to me.
I don't have a husband, but my dad used to take me shopping for big purchases, like a car or my first computer. And I have to say? This didn't happen very often.
The only time I got this was when I was shopping alone for fishing lures at Dick's Sporting Goods. Now, I don't condemn the store as a whole - I've shopped there many times and this is the only time someone was a dick.
The clerk (older guy) saw me shopping, came over, and assumed I was shopping for someone else, and kept using "he" pronouns for this assumed person. I've been fishing since I was old enough to hold the pole. With my country cousins, we'd dig our own bait and make our own poles. I've dove for clams for supper for my family when I was 13 years old. Yet this dude kept probing, "Who are you buying for? What kind of fishing does HE do?"
I stayed polite bc my mom always said "Kill them with kindness," and let the idiot help me bc I relaly did have questions about what kind of lure is best for catching trout down the bayou. Then I told a manager how uncomfortable this employee made me, and the manager immediately believed me and said he's speak to the employee after I left the store. I have faith that the manager did.
I mean, I was gonna let it go, but I was waiting in line to check out and the manger was right there, and I thought, ykno, this clerk is prolly doing this for every woman in the fishing dpt, so I felt obligated to stick up for all of us.
My wife and I are both physicians. She is very type-A and particular. I am much more relaxed and I go with the flow. We recently had a new home built and since then have done a lot in regards to landscaping and adding to the home (finishing the basement, adding on a stand by generator). The thing is, despite my wife usually being the one to reach out to contractors, and despite the fact that she is the one who wants things done in a specific way, and despite the fact that I usually refer them to her, they always try to contact me first, talk primarily to me when we are both present, and reach out to me when they have questions or need to let us know things. It is bizarre. Like, "I am the dude in pajama pants and a sweatshirt playing the floor is lava with the kids. Does it look like I care what kind of finish is on the cabinets. Talk to the wife. We all know she is in charge."
Bought the wife flying lessons for her birthday. Turn up at the centre and the guy talks to me. I politely inform him that my better half will be the one flying. He continues to talk to me, and gets to the point where she needs to sign a contract. He tells me that I need to get her to sign this.... weird
Happens the other way too. We were looking at a kitchen showroom. The lady taking us round spoke to me about the finances and the wife about the features of the 5 burner range cooker. Little did she know I'm the cook, the wife is the bank.
We took my daughter to urgent care for stitches. My husband is holding her, and I check her in at the front desk iPad. The front desk man looks at my husband and asks for the insurance card. We’re on my insurance, so I hand him the card. Next, he tells my husband the copay — looking at him behind me — when I’m the one standing at the damn desk.
I pull out my card, with my name on it, and pay.
Jerk.
So this one doesn't really involve any women but a coworker of mine, Indian contractor, had a high pitched voice when speaking english. He was on the phone with his insurance to ask why they hadn't made the payment to the garage fixing his car and you could tell he was getting angrier and angrier at them when I all of a sudden heard him yell "I AM THE HUSBAND!".
Apparently the guy on the other line though it was a good move to tell my coworker "Can we talk with your husband about this? you don't seem to understand what we're saying". Our female coworkers were livid when they heard that and had a whole bunch of similar stories.
This doesn’t just apply to heterosexual couples, my wife and I are lesbian, I am taller and most sales people direct the discussion to me. I am not the one that makes most of the decisions!!! I’m just taller!!!
I’m a 6’7, 18 stone, bushy bearded vegetarian My girlfriend is a dainty 5’5 meat lover
Never once in our almost 4 years has our favourite bar failed to give me her 20 chicken wings and her my 10 veggie nuggets
I'm a female Marine Corps veteran. I have 'Marine Veteran' license plates on my car. When I got a speeding ticket a few years ago, I showed the highway patrolman my registration and USAA insurance. He was surprised and said, 'Oh, the car is registered to you?!
im hiding a bad comment that dosn't have enough downvotes, so downvote the comment im hiding
My parents were looking to get solar panels and invited several people over for quotes. This one salesperson kept looking only at my dad, responding only to his questions and not my mom's, and only addressed my dad with the quote. My mom stood her ground and said that even if his offer was the lowest, they would not be choosing him.
My mom is very anti-confrontational, so I was really proud of her. Another time, I was helping my mom book plane tickets online for both my parents. Even though she filled her name in first, the online system suggested that my dad would be the 'main booker'. My mom booked her tickets elsewhere.
I've never seen that on online ticket sites. My fiancée always books for us and has never had the main booker be a Mr just The Cardholder
Kind of a swircheroo, but I (a woman) sold cars, and a couple came in to buy an Accord. They made it clear it was the wife’s car, so I was asking her the questions and getting to know her, but the husband was a controlling bulldozer of a person. He’d interrupt her and talk down to her, and kept trying to bully me on the finances, which I had no control over. He hated it, but I ignored him sooo politely and patiently, waiting for him to shut the hell up so I could listen to her answer. I eventually stopped him and asked her, this is YOUR car, what do YOU think? He got up and left in a huff to harass the management, and I was left alone to do the deal in peace with her, and it was VERY pleasant without him!
I moved on to work as a victim’s advocate for domestic violence; looking back I’m sure this was an abusive relationship, but I’m glad I could offer her the kindness and respect she clearly didn’t get, and although it was for a short time, it was for something big and important. I think about them sometimes (because I got along with her so well, and really disliked him), hoping she’d driven that Accord far away from him.
Went with my then GF when she was car shopping. I drove us there cause she didn't have a car at the time but was more than capable of affording one. We get there, she introduces herself to the dealer that came out and he starts showing us cars. He starts showing her cars and then would address me when talking about the vehicle. Like what kind of engine it has, mileage, ect. She would ask a question the guy would address the answer to me. I was pretty annoyed as I'm not mechanically inclined at all. I said "Why are you talking to me!" dealer stopped and looked confused. "She is the one buying the car not me. Just so you know she is a certified diesel mechanic, she knows way more about cars than I do. Address her not me, I'm just the ride." He stopped and then quietly talked to the gf the rest of the time. She ended up getting a jeep sahara.
Relationship sadly did not last unless of course you married her and that’s why she was your then girlfriend.
Took my boyfriend to a very expensive birthday dinner in DC and made sure he got the best wine that night. The total came to about $400 just for the two of us. I made the initial reservation so our notes stated that I would be treating. Having come from working at a high end restaurant, I’m familiar with proper service steps.
The first strike was when I ordered the wine for us and the server gave the bottle to my boyfriend to approve and taste without giving me the option. Second strike was although I clearly said I was treating, they placed the check in front of my boyfriend...on his birthday.
Finally straw was the manager coming over to introduce himself to my boyfriend. Handshake, banter, the works, without acknowledging me. Happened a second time at the end of the meal. Two manager visits. And I was the one trying to provide the experience and bankroll the night. They definitely heard about it.
Any time I’ve bought a vehicle, or gotten parts from a parts counter.
Plot twist: when they ask where my husband is, sweetie, I call over my 6’ tall wife (who is a dead ringer for Brienne of Tarth) to assist. Shuts them up real nice.
My local garage is owned and run by two women mechanics anyway. Never seem to have a problem no matter if it is me or my husband getting a vehicle fixed.
I'm the husband, but when we have any kind of work done on our house everyone constantly tries to make eye contact with me and pal around. My wife does all of that stuff. I don't know anything about any of it. I literally spend the whole time redirecting people to deal with her. Sometimes I just excuse myself and have her fill me in on details (which I don't care about or need to know) later.
I Was invited to a weekend away with a supplier to launch their new range. My husband went with and on the 'order day' the Financial Manager of the supplier came up to my husband and asked him what he thinks about the new range and what he is considering to buy. My husband replied very dryly that he is only the plus 1 and that he must speak to me seeing that I am the one with the chequebook.
Not my story but my wife's.
For clarity, I'm autistic and I do not do well with interactions at all, especially if I don't know the person.
We had to get our septic tank pumped and when the guy was over, my wife and I both came outside to talk to him. I was mostly following her because my dad's name was on the request and we have similar names. I assumed he would ask for our names so I went out.
The septic guy kept telling me things about the tank, where we lived, our toilet habits (the tenant before us flushed a ton of condoms, which I don't use). My wife explained to him that they weren't ours, that we just moved in, etc. I listened to him but didn't respond a word (just nods and gestures).
Still, he kept talking to me about how to maintain the tank and I'm not technical. I have no clue what he's saying. My wife kept answering because she had more experience than me at the topic.
Eventually, she stepped between him and me and fielded his comments a lot more firmly.
It was weird. She was friendly and understood what he was talking about. I was withdrawn and distracted. I guess he was as bad at picking up on social cues as me.
What? Don't get the point of the conversation. I have had septic tanks emptied and they have never wanted to discuss 'toilet habits'. They arrive, do the job without studying the contents (how anyway... big pipe gets used and no one is looking at what goes in the tanker), and go away again. Maybe we do it differently where I am.
I'll give you one second-hand from my wife. She was buying a car (before I'd met her) and went into the local dealership. The sales person was all about "Maybe you should bring your husband in so we can talk about this, honey". She looked him straight in the eye and said she was happily single, that she'd already talked to a salesperson at another dealership who treated her like an adult, and that he'd be getting her business...and walked out.
I'm not married, so when I make large decisions about my house (that I own and paid for) I ask my father to come along as an advisor. (I'm not young, so the female + age = stupidity assumption shouldn't be there.)
Last year I was replacing all the windows (house was built in 1935) and I made appointments with three different companies. (National, local, hardware store chain.)
The guy from the national company only focused on my father who repeatedly told him "She's buying the windows, she's done the research." (Which was true.) When we sat down at the dining room table to crunch the numbers the guy would only let my dad see the laptop screen. Finally, my dad said, "Can I see that? I don't have my glasses." The guy gave him the laptop and my dad handed it to me.
The second, local company sent a woman rep and there was absolutely no problem at all once I told her it was my house.
The third sent out another man, but he was younger than the first guy (and me) so once I told him my house, my money, he also focused on me.
Buying furniture at Ashley Home Store. The (male) sales rep completely ignored me and only asked my husband questions about his preferences, budget, etc. Like I was nonexistent. The furniture was poor quality anyway so we ended up going to another store and buying from this really kooky lady who was asking us all sorts of questions about us as a couple, our zodiac signs, etc. but was super fun, and we got much nicer pieces.
Ooh! I want a kooky saleslady to sell me a funky couch that matches my Leo energy!
I’m a pilot and decided to take my boyfriend up on a flight for the first time to a touristy town for a cute little day excursion. Everything went super smoothly, except when we were walking to the airplane to fly back afterwards: one of the ramp employees saw us and immediately approached my boyfriend. I was far enough away that I couldn’t hear what was being said, but it looked important so I went up to them just as my guy was awkwardly motioning to me like “She’s the pilot, tell her, not me!”
Aviation is still pretty male dominated so I’ve heard stories of something similar happening to other female pilots (it happens a LOT), but it was the first time it’s ever happened to me personally. Needless to say he and I were cracking up the whole flight back!
During my architecture internship, we had this couple client that wanted to do some renovation. The paymaster was the wife but my senior at that time kept referring to the husband about everything until one day the wife snapped because the husband changed her design and telling my senior that it was from her. He was trying to pocket some of the money for himself.
Lesson learned — always include both side if your client is a couple.
I'm building a skoolie and occasionally hire friends to help out for the day when they're in need of work. Every single time I go to the hardware store with these friends (all the hired hands have been men so far), the workers address them instead of me when I'm obviously the one actually looking at the products.
One such worker continued to address my friend, even though I was answering all the questions he asked. After three attempts to get this misogynistic old man to acknowledge me in the conversation, my friend started laughing and walked away. I continued to stand there, cheerfully answering the questions he barked at my friend, who was actively walking away. I was so entertained at this point; this was war.
When my friend was left the aisle, it was like a flip switched in the worker's head. When he was speaking to my friend, he was asking about floor plans and fridges and all the little things that make it a home, but the moment he started talking to ME, he started absolutely questioning my engine, the capacity of my battery bank, and all the things I'm sure he assumed I wouldn't be familiar with. I answered all the questions with ease and even had the chance to mansplain my electrical system, as the worker said something blatantly wrong while speaking with me.
The moment he realized I was explaining something to him, he turned beet red, insisted he knew what I was talking about and that I was wrong, and cited his uncle's business as reason to believe he knew what he was talking about. I smiled, suggested he attend some local community college courses to refresh his memory, and wished him a nice day before walking away.
It was a beautiful moment. The worker avoided me every time I went to that hardware store for months until I stopped seeing him altogether.
A skoolie is a school bus renovated into a mobile home or camper.
This is more about my mother than me, but still a good story. We went into the Mercedes dealership. She was looking at a little sports car and wanted to test drive it. The salesman told us that we would have to bring back my father for them to consider us. Now my mother was a corporate lawyer for Exxon and has her own money. She looked at him and said sure we’ll be back. Later, after we had purchased the car at another dealership, drove back by in the car and kindly informed the man to not underestimate women. *edit to say she has called this her pretty woman moment for like 10 years.
Multiple times I’ve had this happen...shopping for hunting knives with my brother, I was at the counter. The guy stood in front of me and spoke to my brother who was 10 ft behind me and on his phone. We walked out. Multiple gun shops I’ve been looking at pistols and the salesmen have either ignore me to speak to whichever man I was with (brother, dad, husband, whoever) and some even have the nerve to say, “she’ll like this one best.” To the men. I hate most when they recommend the pink pistols because it’s pretty and I need a pretty pistol. I hate pink.
This goes back to when I proposed to my fiancée. I bought her a ring that she absolutely adores and as a sort of thank you, she bought me an air rifle (1.77) with scope. She did all the talking, and he listened to her and asked me what ever questions were relevant to me. The guy looked at her, then me and just when we thought he was going to say something sexist said "Are you sure he can be trusted?" She showed him the ring and explained that it was an engagement gift because "Rings don't suit him" We refer to it as a pop gun engagement
Maybe not quite what you're looking for but my mom told me when she and my dad were first married and buying furniture for their new home, the furniture store wouldn't accept a check without her husband present, or with a signed note from him authorizing the purchase.
In the 1980s.
In America.
Needless to say they got their furniture from somewhere else.
In Belgium until the 1970's married women had to get permission from their husbands to have a job or a bank account of their own, and were fired as soon as they married. Unmarried mothers had to adopt their own child.
Every damn time I take my truck in for something they call my husband or my father to discuss my truck even when I express to call me it’s mine I’m not an idiot and it’s in my name.
I was in the market for a new car. I'd done my research and knew exactly what I wanted down to the color. I also knew how much I was willing to pay. The only question left to answer was how much I'd get for my trade-in.
I walked into a car dealership near my work. A salesman approached me. I told him I wanted to by this car with these options in this color and then asked, "I need to know how much you'll give me for my trade-in."
He immediately responds, "Don't waste my time if you're not serious."
I walked out and that evening I went to the a dealer near my house. I walked out two hours later with my new car.
You can bet I called the first dealership the next day and spoke to the manager.
Sounds more like he was going to try and lowball you on your old car
When I was buying my house, I took my boyfriend with me to the viewing. The realtor mostly talked to him and even ended up calling him with bids on a house. Yes, the house I purchased all on my own and is mine.
I don't take myself too seriously, and I'm not easy to upset or embarrass, so I didn't really care, I was riding high on a wave of winning a bidding war.
I had been looking at a car online for about a month. I really wanted it. It was 350 miles away but near where 2 of my kids lived. We drove up to look at the car.
Salesmen kept talking to my husband. Finally he says "Look I HATE this car. I'm here to pay cash money on it but only if she's happy with the deal. I personally hope she doesnt get it."
THEN they started negotiating with me. Got it for a good price and when the title arrived it bore out the cliche - it really did belong to a little old man who rarely drove it: had the death certificate stapled to it. It was an 8 year old car with less than 40k on it. And I got it for $4k - this was 16 years ago.
Now WHY a little old man had a purple car with a sunroof, idk.
This comment just made me understand that my father has done that forever and I just never saw it lmao.
My mother is a strong woman, head of 12k employees and who have worked from the bottom to the top and deserve all the money she has made. My father has the same steady job and he is happy with it but it doesnt bring the same money understandably.
Because of this we are in good shape financially so we can afford expensive stuff but everytimes we go in high end restaurants, they always talk to my father about paying the bill or they call my father for the delivery of the latest purchase or whatever but I have just understood with this thread that my father all along has always said the same things: I am not the one paying, I dont know why you are talking to me.
For years, I thought he was looking like a dumb ass on purpose because he found the situation awkward or he was bragging or joking I dont know but all along he was just saying: the woman makes the money in this couple, talk to the woman not me because I cant afford this stuff.
he was just broing his wife all along.
Buying a car. If anyone actually approached me I got to do a few test drives, then once I got to the negotiation stage they would ask me to take the offer home to my husband. I was single.
If they didn’t suggest taking it home to my husband, they’d then send me to the financing office - because how could a single woman possibly buy a brand new vehicle in cash.
I finally found a great salesman who didn’t pull this sexist stuff on me and I bought a vehicle same day.
All the time, every time we go out, to eat or shop. Restaurants, car dealerships, stores. Even when the items are obviously mine - like the shoes I bought today, the salesman went to the counter and stood around waiting for my husband, who was at the back of the store, to ring the items up, while I’m standing right in front of him. I had to tell him that I’m paying for my own damn shoes! And even when I pay they hand the card or change and receipt to my husband who just stares at them with exasperation while he hands it over to me.
I honestly never had it happen in my life that I pay and my husband gets handed the change/card.
I was buying a car and my ex was with me. I made it clear it was my car that I was buying myself at every dealership i visited. Most sales people I talked to were perfectly nice, except a guy at the Ford dealership.
Every time I asked a question he would answer it to my ex instead of to me, the person who asked it and is the actual customer. He even gave my ex the keys to test drive.
Needless to say I do not own a Ford now.
The bank was reporting the mortgage on my husband's credit rating even though the mortgage is in both of our names and we pay it 50/50. The manager was NOT impressed when I asked him why and that it needed to be fixed. He acted like it was impossible but sure enough the next year when I checked my credit report, there it was! So damn frustrating that we still have to fight for equality when it comes to the financial industry.
Two or three times this has happened.
Im a butch women and sometimes get mistaken for a dude. If I’m in a group with my female friends and a dude were comes up and ask us for directions or something, they will almost certainly address me and not the rest of the group which I find really interesting.
Not me, but a couple of my former partners.
My previous partner (who does Let's Plays on YT and streams) and I went into a fairly popular game store in British Columbia. She was there to pick up some games and equipment, probably 3-400 dollars worth. The sales associate came up to us and just started talking to me, asking me what I needed and completely ignored her. I said we were there for her and he talked to her like she didn't know anything. Before she could even say what she was there for he was like, "Oh you want Animal Crossing or something?". Yeah, we left and went to the other shop in town and they got her business. Pro-Tip, when approaching a couple/group ask, "How can I help you BOTH/ALL today?" don't focus on one customer.
My current partner had this happen when we went to a comic book store together here in Ottawa. She isn't super familiar with comics but wanted to buy some art books and maybe a figure with some comics, but had some questions. Anyways, this French-Canadian dude walks up to us and rudely was asking me if he could help me find anything. So I know this shop and my way around, been there a few times and I had my comics in my hands. I told him, "No I'm fine but my partner could use a hand". So she is trying to explain what she's looking for in English, and it's not her first language so it was hard. He didn't acknowledge anything she was saying (I mean I understood "I'm looking for books with artwork in it? Not a comic but...a hard book?". Anyways, she switched to French to try and explain to him, and apparently he just said, "I don't have time for this" in French and walked behind the counter to look at their cards. So again we left and never went back.
Do places just not understand customer service and how much money these employees are making the owner miss out? Don't know if you've seen the price of figures and art books, but they aren't cheap.
I made an appointment for taxes and communicated in advance of that appointment. I was a new 1099 worker and had a lot of questions. Every time I asked one, the accountant addressed my husband.
My husband has always worked a W-2 job, had very few questions, and does not take care of our finances. All of the paperwork was under his name, and the accountant only addressed him in e-mails.
Screw that guy.
Went into Home Depot to buy a hard hat for my mother... seemed simple enough. Was approached by a worker who seemed to be in his 50s. He took one look up and down and said “what’s a pretty thing like you doing here? You look a little lost” I told him what I was looking for and that I had found it, and then he continued to question what I needed it for, and if I really knew which one to pick out.... it was quite the experience. Thankfully only a one time event though.
I have issues constantly when going out to eat with my boyfriend. They always put the bill down directly in front of him no matter what. Even when I reach across the table to grab it and put my card in, they almost always put the check back down in front of him after swiping the card. They will often turn to him and thank him or tell him to have a great evening or which copy to sign. It’s infuriating.
Every time I pay for a meal, the server puts the bill in front of my guy & returns my card to my guy after I’ve paid for it lol
While buying a car, my dad went with me as my ride and just to make sure I didn't get ripped off. He stayed pretty quiet throughout it all, meanwhile I'd ask my list of questions... except every time I asked a question, the salesman would turn to my dad and answer it as if my dad had asked it. Eye contact with him and all. It made both myself and my dad really uncomfortable. I ended up confronting him about it and he just awkwardly looked at his feet and dodged the question about his behavior, only to ask my dad if he had any further questions and then walking away. Needless to say, we purchased elsewhere.
Not my boyfriend or husband, but I went car shopping with my mom. I brought her only to keep me company. I was looking into upgrading my truck to a newer year. I knew how much my trade in was worth, and knew i wasn't going to take less. The guy tried to low-ball me by about $8,000, and I told him I wasn't going to go that low. He actually looked over at my mom, like she was going to talk sense into me. She looked at him and was like “don’t look at me, this is her deal, I’m just here to hang out.”
He walked away, came back, tossed the paper down at me and was like “congrats, you’re getting what you want.” Now most would walk away from that because of the jerk move. Nope. I took it, because I knew it made him so grumpy that he wasn’t able to pull one over on me.
My stupid boyfriend at the time left the lights on in my car for a whole weekend, so it was super dead. I bought a new battery and changed it out but there was a mechanism that prevented the car from being turned on after the battery has been changed (06 civic.... still don’t know why that was a thing).
Anyhow, I was still locked out of my car so I called a locksmith. I asked my bf to go to the parking lot of our apartment with me because he was a stranger and I wanted to be safe. I explained I changed the battery but still couldn’t start my car. First of all, the locksmith wouldn’t look at me or ask me any questions even though I called it in and was giving him all my info (it was MY car). My boyfriend at the time was dumb as a box of rocks and could only tell him my car was blue and had four doors.
I explained again that I changed the battery and he couldn’t understand why it wouldn’t work. He starts messing with me key fob and I say no, the battery in my car, not the key. He drops what he’s doing and says “oh no, you shouldn’t have done that. Why would you touch that? You should have told me you touched your battery”. Why the hell shouldn’t I touch my own car battery? And maybe he would have understood if he listened to me the first 6 times I told him I changed the battery.
Long story short, he did nothing and charged me $100 (even though it was my bfs fault, and he still didn’t pay me back), so I had to have it towed to a mechanic who fixed the problem in 5 minutes.
Back when I was married, I was the financial manager in our marriage. Not that I particularly wanted that role all by myself—I would have preferred to be a team—but I was on my way to learning that my husband would simply not engage in subjects that made him feel uncomfortable. Since he wouldn’t deal with looking at cash flow or budgets, thinking about housing costs, retirement, or college savings, even when I tried to make it a joint effort, I handled it all myself.
And every time I initiated a move, like refinancing our house or opening an investment account, his name would be listed first, and mine second. Didn’t matter that I was the one who exclusively worked with the broker or whatever. I thought it was sexist nonsense. He thought it was funny.
Fast forward to the first tax year after our divorce. We divided our assets but retained one joint investment account specifically to fund college for our kids. We had not addressed the issue of paying taxes on this account in our divorce decree. When tax time came around, I was at my tax accountant’s office with all my financial paperwork, including this account. She said, “You could pay the taxes on this account and ask him for half. Or you could leave it up to him. The IRS only gets the social security number of the first person on the account, so he’s the one one the hook for the taxes.” I said, “I won’t be paying them, then.” He was furious. Too bad, so sad.
My dad and my uncles were mechanics and my father taught me to help him when he worked on cars. When I started driving, he taught me to do regular maintenance and small repair jobs like replacing the starter. As an adult, I worked as an inventory clerk for a tractor company, and for a time as parts manager at an auto dealer. Later, I lived with a guy who had a transmission shop and I did the ordering and helped with rebuilds. Years later, I was working as a computer programmer. Leaving work one day, I started up my old junker and went to put it in gear. I put in the clutch, pulled the shift lever, there was a clunk sound, the shift lever hung up at 2nd gear and would not move. I could start it in 2nd and drove it to a garage. After telling the manager and two mechanics that I had a broken shift linkage, they worked on the car for five minutes, doing several checks before discovering they could not get out of 2nd. Then they came and informed me that I had a broken shift linkage.
Car lot, of course. Kept talking to my boyfriend. Told the salesman, "Fine, keep trying to sell a car to the guy with bad credit. I'm going elsewhere." Good boyfriend though. Next lot, the guy greeted him first, my bf told him, I'm gonna do you a favor and go outside before you lose your sale." I drive a hard bargain. Got the car for its exact value, financed it and still didn't need gap insurance. They offered me a job, but I can't deal that way to a buyer.
Not a woman, but I know my wife and I experience this all the time. We have noticed so many times that when we go to a store, my wife will be the one paying, but the cashier still hands the receipt to me. It's particularly frustrating because if my wife is paying, that means I am with the kids. So why they think to hand me the receipt is beyond me. The only non-sexist explanation I have is that I am taller than my wife (and can thereby reach it easier than her). But that doesn't describe every scenario adequately.
Needed a new car and went by myself to check some places out. Was patently ignored despite being seen by more than one salesman. Had to take my husband with me, whom they did talk to. I took auto mechanics for 2 years, my husband knows nothing.
My wife and I in Dubai, being the middle East they would exclusively approach me but the credit card was hers. Every dam time
The fact that there are so many examples of this, is mortifying. Here’s my story: I moved to a new state and wanted to purchase a home. My old state let me purchase homes all by myself, even though I was married. (In fact, I purchased three.) My new state wouldn’t let me, even though I was paying cash, and the funds were 100% from my personal bank account. My new state not only required my husband’s name be on all the paperwork, but he was listed as the buyer, and I was listed as “spouse”. IT WAS 100% MY FREAKING MONEY, NOT HIS! I’m surprised my new state lets me vote.
You can actually sue the state for this. Surprising they've never been sued before (or have they?), where are all the rich ladies there?
Load More Replies...I am a happily single woman. And I still get asked if my husband approves of me buying things or handling finances or such things or get spam letters addressed to Mr [my surname]. Wherever this mystery husband is that I supposedly have I would love to meet him.
I am in the same boat. Solicitors stop by the house and ask to speak to my husband...then boyfriend. I will give credit to one salesman who recognized his precarious position, then asked for my girlfriend. That one got a laugh out of me.
Load More Replies...So I am the only One that works in my Parts Department where I work. I manage it and deal with the Tech's in the shop and the woman who runs service. I do in fact work for Ford by the way. When a customer call's or comes in they ask for Parts and I either pick up the phone or walk to the counter to help them out. They take one look at me and then look around past me to see if someone else is in my department or ask over the phone if they have Parts. Can I help you? Is all I say, and the response every single time is: Is there a Man or a Tech that can help me. No Sir, I run Parts and have been doing so for 20yrs. It's either this woman you are looking past or you get no parts.
Something like this happened years ago when I worked at a lumberyard. A guy showed up and told me to "get one of the guys" to load his truck. HIs purchase was already tied down on a pallet, so I went to get the forklift and he stopped me and told me to "get one of the guys". My manager walked up and the guy started babbling at him about loading, so my manager turned to me and said, "What are you waiting for? Load the truck? This guy is full of s**t."
Load More Replies...I once got berated by a plumber that the window in my bathroom in the appartment I rented was in the wrong place. I still wonder what I could have done about it.
Weird. Never come across a plumber that worried about windows. Just tell them it's rented and not your responsibility.
Load More Replies...I once got told by a man that, as a girl (i'm 47!) i only liked Doctor Who because i must fancy David Tennant and thats the only reason girls watched it. I pointed out that i was probably watching Doctor Who before he was born and my favourite was actually Tom Baker
My Partner and I have very different tastes when it comes to food/drink. I like meaty steaks, an Old Fashioned or a pint of lager in the pub. He's a veggie burger/poached fish kinda guy and likes any cocktail that looks more like a chocolate milkshake. He likes a sticky sweet pudding. I like a cheese board. It's incredible how often our orders get delivered the wrong way around!
Not had any of this... if I'm the one buying they talk to me. Regardless of the product. The only time I have ever experienced anything remotely like this was in a town in France in 2005 when we were given the 'ladies' menus that come without the prices. Only the men had menus where they could see the costs. We hadn't seen that before so asked why and the staff were very friendly and explained to us.
I see it all the time. We had a staff Xmas lunch at a restaurant. About a dozen people. I was head of the committee and had the cash. The whole time the waitress flirted (yes, flirted!) with the guy at the head or the table and ignored the ladies at the end. Her face totally dropped when she brought the check and I told her to bring it down to me.
This does not happen to me. I must have a "don't even think about it" look on my face.
Its sad those things still happen! I'm a little on the fence with the comments like: Ha I would have said...or I just would have done this and that..or your husband/boyfriend/+1 should have...because it might make women feel they didnt do enough, should have just been different. Whilst actually those men should have just not been so sexist in the first place. On the other hand I understand those fantasies to speak up, shut them down and so on but why dont we say: the (sexist) man should have said, Oh I am sorry, the car is for you? How can I help you? Or I am so sorry, whilst placing the bill in front of the woman. They SHOULD HAVE treated those women with respect. The women acted perfectly fine.
I had the car dealership thing happen to me last year. The guy kept talking to my husband even after he said "it's her car" so eventually I said that if he didn't start addressing me, I would go elsewhere. I got a really good deal after that.
I live this everyday. To sell my home two years after I married, that I paid for 100% of before hand, the title company insisted he sign all the paperwork along with my signature. The house was 100% in my name only. Just a few months before it sold my husband was diagnosed with stage 3 brain cancer, terminal. He cannot fill out forms anymore. He has no short term memory as that is where the tumor was. I have a POA over medical and financial. I am his accommodations person at his work and his caregiver. I handle all the finances. Everyone from Doctors to his employers, to you name it wants to have detailed conversations with him only. I have been asked why I accompany him on his appointments. Well because he doesn't remember what you just said even 5 minutes from now. He looses conversations after a couple of sentences and can only follow one direction at a time. And yet they insist on directing the conversations to him. I get that he is their patient. But he won't remember anything.
With the medical part, I can explain that. We always treat our patients as our patients. Focus conversation t them, with them, and around them. A good provider will also include the POA in the conversation for reasons including memory, but do not want to treat our clients like they are not important. The other stuff, is just sexism.
Load More Replies...For me it once happpened the other way around: Year ago I met a friend while shopping. One of his acquaintances was hospitalized and asked him to buy a bra for her. So I joined him to a lingerieshop. After he explained the sales lady what model (modest) and size (not comparable to me) he wanted, she showed him a few different models. After he picked one, the lady asked if I wanted to try it one. After I told her "No thanks, the bra isn't for me," she couldn't hide her astonishment. My friend payed for the bra and we barely could keep ourselves from laughing out loud before we exited the store. PS: We weren't offended. It's one of our fondest memories :) PPS: His family used to own a lingery store, that's why his acquaintance asked him to buy the bra :)
Bad customer service in most of those cases. Doubt that was the first time they lost a sale/customer cuz of sexism. Wonder why they still prioritized their sense of male superiority over cash?
I'm also confused as where to put the US in the gender equality scale. I'm from an Asian country, currently living in Western Europe, and in both places never experienced or encountered or even heard of such issues. Europe is fairly equal, although situations are worse in the south. My home country is new to the late feminism waves. Women are still expected to do house chores and take care of children (not true in younger generations and the society is changing fast). However women are traditionally the one managing budgets and making household decisions, so they are never taken lightly. The only area where women are perceived less capable than men is driving (I wouldn't deny, many wear heels while doing so).
Load More Replies...I LOVE showing off how much I know about paint, carpentry and basic construction when given the opportunity! As a skilled female in these areas, I impress Maintance people on the regular than follow up our conversation by asking what’s their best “life hack” or tip so that we continue learning from each other. Not sure if this is phrased correctly but, Sometimes it’s hard to be in such a male dominated field but remembering we have life knowledge to share helps?
The last time I bought a car, I was paying cash. My husband doesn't like driving, and traveled on business at the time. I was buying MY car. I went to a dealership that had a great service department that had always been good to me...and ended up waking out when the salesman didn't let me do a test drive, asked how I was financing it (I had told him I was paying IN FULL with a money order) and then asked to call my husband to see if I had "permission" to buy a car. ...///... I went to another dealer, he was awesome - ordered my car from the factory with all of the right options and made the whole sale as easy as it could be. ...///... Ladies, don't take this crap. I live in a big city. There are a LOT of car dealerships. If I don't like one, I move on.
Sadly, sexism is still alive and well in our society. Women have made a lot of gains, but we still have a long, long way to go. Our civilization is still patriarchal for the most part.
I tried to get compensation from the roadworks, who had left men at work signs out unweighted, and one smashed the back of my car and broke a light. The initial conversation was ok, they admitted fault, and told me they would contact me when they heard from their insurer (I had photos and videos etc). But I didn't hear back after several weeks, and I had my warrant of fitness coming up (6 monthly mandatory car check in which my broken taillight would make my car illegal to drive). I rang and emailed several times, kept getting the brush off, and hints that it wasn't their problem. My dad emailed them, and it was resolved immediately. I was taken aback as I had realised that they weren't fixing it due to who I was (younger, female), not because of normal red tape issues. I was glad dad could fix it, but honestly I'm a parent myself and I'm a competent adult, and it bugs me beyond belief that if I had testicles I would be listened to.
Happened to me. My husband and I both worked for (unnamed famous tech company). I was proudly wearing a logo baseball cap of said company while on a business trip. Someone asked me "Oh, does your HUSBAND work for ----" and I said, "Why yes he ALSO works for them". I thought that was rude and insulting.
I was a manager at a manufacturing plant for 6 years, and definitely dealt with my fair share of these scenarios. I also was the manager and designer at a small print shop for a short time, ran into this crap all the time. But my most notable story was at my current job where I do technical support shifts over the phone. Got this one guy on the phone who must had assumed I was a receptionist, despite answering the phone as "technical support" and saying I could help him, mid conversation he stops and asks me "When do the men get back?" Like they were all at lunch or something.
Bought a 2016 Ford Focus hatchback with the infamous PowerShift transmission. Brought the car in for service at the dealer multiple times. When I wasn't being repeatedly ignored as service managers helped contractor dudes with F250 trucks, I was told I did not understand how a transmission worked and/or I was not driving it correctly. I'll never forget the time I was given a printed handout that explained how to drive the car. Needless to say I now happily drive a Mazda.
I’m 6ft 1 and 230 pounds, my wife is always the brains. When this happens too her I am always quick to say “talk to her, she’s the team leader” Not sure if it’s my aggressiveness, they always immediately switch tactics! Suddenly she has respect and ignore me. My wife is awesome and I hate when people do this.
I am a woman but I do all the "handy man" work at our house. My husband cooks, I fix things. I believe building supply stores are getting better training, but it's so frustrating to go. 75% of the time is a negative experience.
I have dealt with this a lot in my life but now that I am older it's gotten a little better. I think it's b/c I am more assertive than my husband. I am the one who does all the research and makes most of the decisions about things we buy or do for our house. I work less hours and am here in the daytime more. I am pretty good at standing up for myself and making people understand it's me they need to deal with. And my hubs is good about deferring questions to me so they figure it out and stop asking him questions.
Sadly, I have my own recent (and ongoing) story. I need to be able to park in front of my front door. To do this, I'll have to have either concrete or gravel poured/spread from my driveway to slightly beyond said front door. To this day, of all the contractors I've contacted, only one has come out to look at the job and NONE of them have called back after the initial consultation but they sure do love talking on the phone... Had I been male, the job would have been completed months ago.
Regarding waiters/servers, a server friend of mine once told me part of their training was if there was a male/female couple, a male server should always address the male as much as possible and a female server should do likewise with the female customer. This was apparently to keep accusations of flirting down to a minimum because customers would routinely get angry thinking the server’s politeness was them hitting on their partner. Yikes.
I have had the opposite. Once had a waitress flirting so hard with my husband that he became uncomfortable, and would only take care of him at the table (I got my food and drink, but my order was wrong and she refused to even look at me while at the table). Check came, she hands it to him while keeping her body turned towards him. He laughs at her and hands the check to me, explaining to her that he is just the stay-at-home father. The look on her face and "OH" that came out of her, priceless. Neither of us appreciated her behavior or lack of attention to me. She did not get a tip. And just for anyone out there, my husband is an amazing stay-at-home father who makes life so much better, and I make enough to support us. He only degraded his efforts like that out of frustration.
Load More Replies...Used to happen to a friend of mine a bunch. She worked in the tire dept at Costco. Granted she wasnt a mechanic or anything BUT they train you well to work in their depts. She kept getting sidelined by a guy trying to pick out tires. He kept asking her trainee what he should get, etc. The kid literally said to him "you should ask her. Its like my 3rd day & shes still training me"
My mom ran an upholstery business and I worked with her in the 90's. Is answer calls ALL THE TIME asking for "The man in charge". I mean, sales calls like this several times a day. It's a male dominated industry, but not THAT much.
My daughter and her husband bought a fixer-upper house and went for a bank loan. The loans officer kept talking to my SIL about the renovations that would be done, SIL said "She's the one that will be doing them." Loans officer kept on talking about what SIL was doing at the house until my daughter got mad and told him off. "He wasn't kidding. I'm doing it. I have my own tools and I know how to use them."
This happens to me sooo much. As a woman who owns a business, I run into it a lot. My husband is also my business partner but he is the artist and I'm the one who makes big decisions. We have come to an agreement that we both thrive in our roles but men still talk to him and ignore me. He's awesome though and will just say, "She's the one you want to talk to, I don't make these decisions" and walk away. Sad that he has to basically give them permission to talk to me but this is after I have already stated that I'm the contact and they ignore me anyway. Rare that he has to do it but I appreciate that he does so. We need more men like him: true allies of equality!
Its so sad that this happens so often that I don't even consider it odd any more...I went to several stores with my stepdad looking for countertops for him and my mom, I would introduce myself and mention that I'm an ARCHITECT I know what counter tops are and every single male salesperson would ignore me completely, only look at my dad, not acknowledge my advice. ALL of the info was going through me, he just wanted to look at colors. Shopping for a fridge with my bf, I did ALL the research, I know the dimensions we need, he literally only cared about the finish, they only talk to him. Sometimes I like to take advantage of it so I can leave the transaction and go sit down lol. I wish I was bold enough to confront people - kinda wanna go car shopping just to test it out
I had a Pontiac Grand Pre. The motor that was replaced with a different motor than stock. At the time, it had a broken belt among other things. My husband & a mechanic friend were elbow deep in the engine & asked me to pick up the belts. The writing was worn off due to wear, so hubby handed me the broken belt & asked me to get one as close as possible. I went to the auto parts store where the mechanic friend worked. The "man" behind the counter insisted on looking up the belt model via the make/model of the car. I explained to him that the motor did not come with the car. We went over this multiple times. The belt he insisted on selling me was the wrong size. I even took it home and showed my husband. When I came back to get the right size, he became belligerent with me and said that my husband should never have sent a woman to do a man's job. I told my husband. After a "friendly" visit with hubby & mechanic friend, the "man" was fired.
Have had multiple experiences like these over the years! I had told my husband multiple times that one of our friends was the typical sexist, that he never listened to anything women say. My husband didn't agree. One evening, my husband and I had some friends over to play cards. This particular friend was among the group. I can't remember the exact details because it was so many years ago. A friend was having an issue with whatever. When I made a suggestion that would solve the issue, I was ignored and felt as if I hadn't spoken at all. I glanced at my husband with the "I told you so" look. Within the hour, my husband made the same suggestion and was immediately acknowledged. The friend though my husband's idea was great.
I used to play golf with my boyfriend (now ex) a lot. Most of the time we'd get paired up with another random pair of people. I would usually walk up to my tee box after introductions and get ready to play in a timely manner. I nearly always got this vibe of 'oh just great we have to play with a chick'. I always ignored it cause the satisfaction of watching their faces when I would outdrive them was precious to me.
I have two, both with my dad (I'm an only, female, child) went to a bar with my dad, just him and me, and we both ordered margaritas. the (male) bartender was heavy handed with my dad's drink (we both watched) and talked to my dad the whole time, chatting him up as we drank. he put the tab in front of my dad and I took it, smiled and paid the bill. the bartender looked a bit sheepish. I went to buy a car and my dad went with me. the finance guy talked to my dad. he told the guy I'd be paying for it then started asking me if I "needed to talk to daddy" or "what does daddy think?" as we were sitting there together. SO uncomfortable.
Do we have a load of bots on here today? All these replies with the commentors name then "like" or "haha" or "?" or "+" after them. What's going on?
Thankfully I've not had this experience for about 25 years here in New Zealand. Some countries clearly have a lot of catching up to do.
Managed my parents restaurant for 12 years and was responsible for recommending the CV’s of potential employees who came in. My colleague Tom helped me manage the place but wasn’t in charge (great employee and family friend). One day this guy comes in with his CV asking for the manager to talk to. I look up from cleaning a table to greet him. Restaurant is long and narrow. He completely ignored me and walked up to Tom who was at the back by the kitchen, rolling cutlery. Speaks to Tom, who is trying to refer the guy to me, confusedly. The guy speaks his piece and leaves. He was so rude I just threw his CV in the bin. Another time with Tom, this local guy comes in wanting to offer his services as business advisor with his new startup company. To be fair, he knew Tom somehow. Unfortunately, Tom wasn’t in charge. He wasted 30 minutes talking to Tom over the counter while Tom kept saying “this isn’t my business, you need to speak to the family” while I ran the tables. Guy lost out.
Y'all can stop saying "Why did they even work with that person" "I wouldn"t have even bought it" on every single one. We get it. Not everyone has the time or money to make a political statement every time they experience sexism. If the person selling me a decent tv for really cheap I'm not giving it up and driving across town to a different store just because they're being an ass.
The fact that there are so many examples of this, is mortifying. Here’s my story: I moved to a new state and wanted to purchase a home. My old state let me purchase homes all by myself, even though I was married. (In fact, I purchased three.) My new state wouldn’t let me, even though I was paying cash, and the funds were 100% from my personal bank account. My new state not only required my husband’s name be on all the paperwork, but he was listed as the buyer, and I was listed as “spouse”. IT WAS 100% MY FREAKING MONEY, NOT HIS! I’m surprised my new state lets me vote.
You can actually sue the state for this. Surprising they've never been sued before (or have they?), where are all the rich ladies there?
Load More Replies...I am a happily single woman. And I still get asked if my husband approves of me buying things or handling finances or such things or get spam letters addressed to Mr [my surname]. Wherever this mystery husband is that I supposedly have I would love to meet him.
I am in the same boat. Solicitors stop by the house and ask to speak to my husband...then boyfriend. I will give credit to one salesman who recognized his precarious position, then asked for my girlfriend. That one got a laugh out of me.
Load More Replies...So I am the only One that works in my Parts Department where I work. I manage it and deal with the Tech's in the shop and the woman who runs service. I do in fact work for Ford by the way. When a customer call's or comes in they ask for Parts and I either pick up the phone or walk to the counter to help them out. They take one look at me and then look around past me to see if someone else is in my department or ask over the phone if they have Parts. Can I help you? Is all I say, and the response every single time is: Is there a Man or a Tech that can help me. No Sir, I run Parts and have been doing so for 20yrs. It's either this woman you are looking past or you get no parts.
Something like this happened years ago when I worked at a lumberyard. A guy showed up and told me to "get one of the guys" to load his truck. HIs purchase was already tied down on a pallet, so I went to get the forklift and he stopped me and told me to "get one of the guys". My manager walked up and the guy started babbling at him about loading, so my manager turned to me and said, "What are you waiting for? Load the truck? This guy is full of s**t."
Load More Replies...I once got berated by a plumber that the window in my bathroom in the appartment I rented was in the wrong place. I still wonder what I could have done about it.
Weird. Never come across a plumber that worried about windows. Just tell them it's rented and not your responsibility.
Load More Replies...I once got told by a man that, as a girl (i'm 47!) i only liked Doctor Who because i must fancy David Tennant and thats the only reason girls watched it. I pointed out that i was probably watching Doctor Who before he was born and my favourite was actually Tom Baker
My Partner and I have very different tastes when it comes to food/drink. I like meaty steaks, an Old Fashioned or a pint of lager in the pub. He's a veggie burger/poached fish kinda guy and likes any cocktail that looks more like a chocolate milkshake. He likes a sticky sweet pudding. I like a cheese board. It's incredible how often our orders get delivered the wrong way around!
Not had any of this... if I'm the one buying they talk to me. Regardless of the product. The only time I have ever experienced anything remotely like this was in a town in France in 2005 when we were given the 'ladies' menus that come without the prices. Only the men had menus where they could see the costs. We hadn't seen that before so asked why and the staff were very friendly and explained to us.
I see it all the time. We had a staff Xmas lunch at a restaurant. About a dozen people. I was head of the committee and had the cash. The whole time the waitress flirted (yes, flirted!) with the guy at the head or the table and ignored the ladies at the end. Her face totally dropped when she brought the check and I told her to bring it down to me.
This does not happen to me. I must have a "don't even think about it" look on my face.
Its sad those things still happen! I'm a little on the fence with the comments like: Ha I would have said...or I just would have done this and that..or your husband/boyfriend/+1 should have...because it might make women feel they didnt do enough, should have just been different. Whilst actually those men should have just not been so sexist in the first place. On the other hand I understand those fantasies to speak up, shut them down and so on but why dont we say: the (sexist) man should have said, Oh I am sorry, the car is for you? How can I help you? Or I am so sorry, whilst placing the bill in front of the woman. They SHOULD HAVE treated those women with respect. The women acted perfectly fine.
I had the car dealership thing happen to me last year. The guy kept talking to my husband even after he said "it's her car" so eventually I said that if he didn't start addressing me, I would go elsewhere. I got a really good deal after that.
I live this everyday. To sell my home two years after I married, that I paid for 100% of before hand, the title company insisted he sign all the paperwork along with my signature. The house was 100% in my name only. Just a few months before it sold my husband was diagnosed with stage 3 brain cancer, terminal. He cannot fill out forms anymore. He has no short term memory as that is where the tumor was. I have a POA over medical and financial. I am his accommodations person at his work and his caregiver. I handle all the finances. Everyone from Doctors to his employers, to you name it wants to have detailed conversations with him only. I have been asked why I accompany him on his appointments. Well because he doesn't remember what you just said even 5 minutes from now. He looses conversations after a couple of sentences and can only follow one direction at a time. And yet they insist on directing the conversations to him. I get that he is their patient. But he won't remember anything.
With the medical part, I can explain that. We always treat our patients as our patients. Focus conversation t them, with them, and around them. A good provider will also include the POA in the conversation for reasons including memory, but do not want to treat our clients like they are not important. The other stuff, is just sexism.
Load More Replies...For me it once happpened the other way around: Year ago I met a friend while shopping. One of his acquaintances was hospitalized and asked him to buy a bra for her. So I joined him to a lingerieshop. After he explained the sales lady what model (modest) and size (not comparable to me) he wanted, she showed him a few different models. After he picked one, the lady asked if I wanted to try it one. After I told her "No thanks, the bra isn't for me," she couldn't hide her astonishment. My friend payed for the bra and we barely could keep ourselves from laughing out loud before we exited the store. PS: We weren't offended. It's one of our fondest memories :) PPS: His family used to own a lingery store, that's why his acquaintance asked him to buy the bra :)
Bad customer service in most of those cases. Doubt that was the first time they lost a sale/customer cuz of sexism. Wonder why they still prioritized their sense of male superiority over cash?
I'm also confused as where to put the US in the gender equality scale. I'm from an Asian country, currently living in Western Europe, and in both places never experienced or encountered or even heard of such issues. Europe is fairly equal, although situations are worse in the south. My home country is new to the late feminism waves. Women are still expected to do house chores and take care of children (not true in younger generations and the society is changing fast). However women are traditionally the one managing budgets and making household decisions, so they are never taken lightly. The only area where women are perceived less capable than men is driving (I wouldn't deny, many wear heels while doing so).
Load More Replies...I LOVE showing off how much I know about paint, carpentry and basic construction when given the opportunity! As a skilled female in these areas, I impress Maintance people on the regular than follow up our conversation by asking what’s their best “life hack” or tip so that we continue learning from each other. Not sure if this is phrased correctly but, Sometimes it’s hard to be in such a male dominated field but remembering we have life knowledge to share helps?
The last time I bought a car, I was paying cash. My husband doesn't like driving, and traveled on business at the time. I was buying MY car. I went to a dealership that had a great service department that had always been good to me...and ended up waking out when the salesman didn't let me do a test drive, asked how I was financing it (I had told him I was paying IN FULL with a money order) and then asked to call my husband to see if I had "permission" to buy a car. ...///... I went to another dealer, he was awesome - ordered my car from the factory with all of the right options and made the whole sale as easy as it could be. ...///... Ladies, don't take this crap. I live in a big city. There are a LOT of car dealerships. If I don't like one, I move on.
Sadly, sexism is still alive and well in our society. Women have made a lot of gains, but we still have a long, long way to go. Our civilization is still patriarchal for the most part.
I tried to get compensation from the roadworks, who had left men at work signs out unweighted, and one smashed the back of my car and broke a light. The initial conversation was ok, they admitted fault, and told me they would contact me when they heard from their insurer (I had photos and videos etc). But I didn't hear back after several weeks, and I had my warrant of fitness coming up (6 monthly mandatory car check in which my broken taillight would make my car illegal to drive). I rang and emailed several times, kept getting the brush off, and hints that it wasn't their problem. My dad emailed them, and it was resolved immediately. I was taken aback as I had realised that they weren't fixing it due to who I was (younger, female), not because of normal red tape issues. I was glad dad could fix it, but honestly I'm a parent myself and I'm a competent adult, and it bugs me beyond belief that if I had testicles I would be listened to.
Happened to me. My husband and I both worked for (unnamed famous tech company). I was proudly wearing a logo baseball cap of said company while on a business trip. Someone asked me "Oh, does your HUSBAND work for ----" and I said, "Why yes he ALSO works for them". I thought that was rude and insulting.
I was a manager at a manufacturing plant for 6 years, and definitely dealt with my fair share of these scenarios. I also was the manager and designer at a small print shop for a short time, ran into this crap all the time. But my most notable story was at my current job where I do technical support shifts over the phone. Got this one guy on the phone who must had assumed I was a receptionist, despite answering the phone as "technical support" and saying I could help him, mid conversation he stops and asks me "When do the men get back?" Like they were all at lunch or something.
Bought a 2016 Ford Focus hatchback with the infamous PowerShift transmission. Brought the car in for service at the dealer multiple times. When I wasn't being repeatedly ignored as service managers helped contractor dudes with F250 trucks, I was told I did not understand how a transmission worked and/or I was not driving it correctly. I'll never forget the time I was given a printed handout that explained how to drive the car. Needless to say I now happily drive a Mazda.
I’m 6ft 1 and 230 pounds, my wife is always the brains. When this happens too her I am always quick to say “talk to her, she’s the team leader” Not sure if it’s my aggressiveness, they always immediately switch tactics! Suddenly she has respect and ignore me. My wife is awesome and I hate when people do this.
I am a woman but I do all the "handy man" work at our house. My husband cooks, I fix things. I believe building supply stores are getting better training, but it's so frustrating to go. 75% of the time is a negative experience.
I have dealt with this a lot in my life but now that I am older it's gotten a little better. I think it's b/c I am more assertive than my husband. I am the one who does all the research and makes most of the decisions about things we buy or do for our house. I work less hours and am here in the daytime more. I am pretty good at standing up for myself and making people understand it's me they need to deal with. And my hubs is good about deferring questions to me so they figure it out and stop asking him questions.
Sadly, I have my own recent (and ongoing) story. I need to be able to park in front of my front door. To do this, I'll have to have either concrete or gravel poured/spread from my driveway to slightly beyond said front door. To this day, of all the contractors I've contacted, only one has come out to look at the job and NONE of them have called back after the initial consultation but they sure do love talking on the phone... Had I been male, the job would have been completed months ago.
Regarding waiters/servers, a server friend of mine once told me part of their training was if there was a male/female couple, a male server should always address the male as much as possible and a female server should do likewise with the female customer. This was apparently to keep accusations of flirting down to a minimum because customers would routinely get angry thinking the server’s politeness was them hitting on their partner. Yikes.
I have had the opposite. Once had a waitress flirting so hard with my husband that he became uncomfortable, and would only take care of him at the table (I got my food and drink, but my order was wrong and she refused to even look at me while at the table). Check came, she hands it to him while keeping her body turned towards him. He laughs at her and hands the check to me, explaining to her that he is just the stay-at-home father. The look on her face and "OH" that came out of her, priceless. Neither of us appreciated her behavior or lack of attention to me. She did not get a tip. And just for anyone out there, my husband is an amazing stay-at-home father who makes life so much better, and I make enough to support us. He only degraded his efforts like that out of frustration.
Load More Replies...Used to happen to a friend of mine a bunch. She worked in the tire dept at Costco. Granted she wasnt a mechanic or anything BUT they train you well to work in their depts. She kept getting sidelined by a guy trying to pick out tires. He kept asking her trainee what he should get, etc. The kid literally said to him "you should ask her. Its like my 3rd day & shes still training me"
My mom ran an upholstery business and I worked with her in the 90's. Is answer calls ALL THE TIME asking for "The man in charge". I mean, sales calls like this several times a day. It's a male dominated industry, but not THAT much.
My daughter and her husband bought a fixer-upper house and went for a bank loan. The loans officer kept talking to my SIL about the renovations that would be done, SIL said "She's the one that will be doing them." Loans officer kept on talking about what SIL was doing at the house until my daughter got mad and told him off. "He wasn't kidding. I'm doing it. I have my own tools and I know how to use them."
This happens to me sooo much. As a woman who owns a business, I run into it a lot. My husband is also my business partner but he is the artist and I'm the one who makes big decisions. We have come to an agreement that we both thrive in our roles but men still talk to him and ignore me. He's awesome though and will just say, "She's the one you want to talk to, I don't make these decisions" and walk away. Sad that he has to basically give them permission to talk to me but this is after I have already stated that I'm the contact and they ignore me anyway. Rare that he has to do it but I appreciate that he does so. We need more men like him: true allies of equality!
Its so sad that this happens so often that I don't even consider it odd any more...I went to several stores with my stepdad looking for countertops for him and my mom, I would introduce myself and mention that I'm an ARCHITECT I know what counter tops are and every single male salesperson would ignore me completely, only look at my dad, not acknowledge my advice. ALL of the info was going through me, he just wanted to look at colors. Shopping for a fridge with my bf, I did ALL the research, I know the dimensions we need, he literally only cared about the finish, they only talk to him. Sometimes I like to take advantage of it so I can leave the transaction and go sit down lol. I wish I was bold enough to confront people - kinda wanna go car shopping just to test it out
I had a Pontiac Grand Pre. The motor that was replaced with a different motor than stock. At the time, it had a broken belt among other things. My husband & a mechanic friend were elbow deep in the engine & asked me to pick up the belts. The writing was worn off due to wear, so hubby handed me the broken belt & asked me to get one as close as possible. I went to the auto parts store where the mechanic friend worked. The "man" behind the counter insisted on looking up the belt model via the make/model of the car. I explained to him that the motor did not come with the car. We went over this multiple times. The belt he insisted on selling me was the wrong size. I even took it home and showed my husband. When I came back to get the right size, he became belligerent with me and said that my husband should never have sent a woman to do a man's job. I told my husband. After a "friendly" visit with hubby & mechanic friend, the "man" was fired.
Have had multiple experiences like these over the years! I had told my husband multiple times that one of our friends was the typical sexist, that he never listened to anything women say. My husband didn't agree. One evening, my husband and I had some friends over to play cards. This particular friend was among the group. I can't remember the exact details because it was so many years ago. A friend was having an issue with whatever. When I made a suggestion that would solve the issue, I was ignored and felt as if I hadn't spoken at all. I glanced at my husband with the "I told you so" look. Within the hour, my husband made the same suggestion and was immediately acknowledged. The friend though my husband's idea was great.
I used to play golf with my boyfriend (now ex) a lot. Most of the time we'd get paired up with another random pair of people. I would usually walk up to my tee box after introductions and get ready to play in a timely manner. I nearly always got this vibe of 'oh just great we have to play with a chick'. I always ignored it cause the satisfaction of watching their faces when I would outdrive them was precious to me.
I have two, both with my dad (I'm an only, female, child) went to a bar with my dad, just him and me, and we both ordered margaritas. the (male) bartender was heavy handed with my dad's drink (we both watched) and talked to my dad the whole time, chatting him up as we drank. he put the tab in front of my dad and I took it, smiled and paid the bill. the bartender looked a bit sheepish. I went to buy a car and my dad went with me. the finance guy talked to my dad. he told the guy I'd be paying for it then started asking me if I "needed to talk to daddy" or "what does daddy think?" as we were sitting there together. SO uncomfortable.
Do we have a load of bots on here today? All these replies with the commentors name then "like" or "haha" or "?" or "+" after them. What's going on?
Thankfully I've not had this experience for about 25 years here in New Zealand. Some countries clearly have a lot of catching up to do.
Managed my parents restaurant for 12 years and was responsible for recommending the CV’s of potential employees who came in. My colleague Tom helped me manage the place but wasn’t in charge (great employee and family friend). One day this guy comes in with his CV asking for the manager to talk to. I look up from cleaning a table to greet him. Restaurant is long and narrow. He completely ignored me and walked up to Tom who was at the back by the kitchen, rolling cutlery. Speaks to Tom, who is trying to refer the guy to me, confusedly. The guy speaks his piece and leaves. He was so rude I just threw his CV in the bin. Another time with Tom, this local guy comes in wanting to offer his services as business advisor with his new startup company. To be fair, he knew Tom somehow. Unfortunately, Tom wasn’t in charge. He wasted 30 minutes talking to Tom over the counter while Tom kept saying “this isn’t my business, you need to speak to the family” while I ran the tables. Guy lost out.
Y'all can stop saying "Why did they even work with that person" "I wouldn"t have even bought it" on every single one. We get it. Not everyone has the time or money to make a political statement every time they experience sexism. If the person selling me a decent tv for really cheap I'm not giving it up and driving across town to a different store just because they're being an ass.