“AITA For Being Truthful And Admitting That I Find My Wife Unattractive After Her Surgery?”
Interview
When one loves a person, they typically love them just the way they are: with all the laugh lines around their eyes, the chubby cheeks, and the asymmetrical ears.
That’s why many partners wouldn’t change a thing about their loved ones. But they can’t stop the latter from doing it themselves. This redditor couldn’t stop his wife from undergoing plastic surgery, even though he was against it; and for a reason. After the surgery, the man was no longer attracted to his wife, which led to not only an upset partner but him being judged, too.
Bored Panda has reached out to the OP and he was kind enough to answer a few of our questions. You will find his thoughts in the text below.
Plastic surgery is not equally favored by everyone
Image credits: Olga Guryanova (not the actual photo)
This man didn’t think his wife needed plastic surgery, but she did it anyway and had to face the consequences
Image credits: OkInevitable7692
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Women tend to undergo aesthetic surgery more often than men, with liposuction being the most common one
“I love my wife and I love being intimate with her. I am upset that she did this to herself even though I asked her not to,” the OP told Bored Panda in a recent interview.
He shared that the reason he was set against it was because he believes the results are usually quite terrible. “I find all the celebrities who get it look unrecognizable afterwards. My wife was beautiful. She didn’t need to get anything ‘fixed’.”
Despite being quite costly and often quite difficult to recover from, plastic surgery is arguably not that rare of an occurrence. The annual Global Survey, carried out by The International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ISAPS), found that in 2022 alone there were over 33 million aesthetic/cosmetic procedures performed by plastic surgeons, marking an increase of 11.2% from the year before.
According to ISAPS data, liposuction—also known as lipoplasty or suction lipectomy and referring to suctioning out fat from certain areas of the body—tops the list as the most sought-after procedure. Other popular choices include breast augmentation, eyelid surgery, abdominoplasty, and breast lift surgeries respectively.
While body and extremity procedures have reportedly increased by more than 25%, face and head procedures remain the most popular ones. But whether it’s the face or the rest of the body in question, women seem to be more likely to opt for plastic surgery than men, as roughly 86% of the total number of aesthetic procedures are performed in females.
Image credits: Laura Chouette (not the actual photo)
Social media can have a strong negative effect on people’s views on body image
While the reasons for taking such a step likely differ with each person, many might be influenced by unrealistic beauty standards portrayed by the media. As a fellow redditor in the comments pointed out, social media and reality TV tend to glorify “cosmetically modified people”, which can create body-image issues to the people who consume it.
Research on body image distress suggests that the rise of body image-related issues corresponds to the rise of social media. It revealed that by 2015, it was already a highly prevalent issue, affecting roughly 75% of Australians aged 16 to 25, which indicated a noticeable increase from around 44% in 2009. It also pointed out that during the frame of the survey revealing an increase in body image issues, a few social media platforms were launched, including Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok.
A recent study published by the American Psychological Association also shed light on the relationship between social media and body image, suggesting that reducing the usage of the former can significantly improve the way the youth views their body. It found that cutting social media use in half for a few weeks improved the way they feel about their weight and overall appearance, compared to their peers who continued with the same level of social media use.
In the OP’s case, though, it wasn’t social media that had the largest impact on his wife’s decision. After sitting down and talking things out with her, he learned that it was the women in her family who convinced her to do it.
“She said she felt stupid for how she has been acting,” the redditor shared. “She said her mom and sister had convinced her that she had to get this done because she was getting older and I would leave her for a prettier woman.”
The OP replied to some of the netizens’ comments with more details
Quite a few redditors didn’t think the OP was a jerk and believed that the woman brought this upon herself
Others believed that he was a jerk in the situation
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All these people who post YTA baffle me. She asked him, he expressed his concerns, she did it anyways, he didn't like it. She forced him to be honest, and she didn't like it. This is definitely a 'you made your bed, now lie in it' situation for OP's wife.
Ladies, if you have an adoring husband or wife that's always been crazy about you, please don't worry about aging! You looked stunning when we first saw you and you continue to take our breath away each and every day! Please just stop following/watching/listening/idolizing famous people! They are toxic for your mental health and it will eventually result in totally unnecessary actions like plastic surgery above! If we say we think you are beautiful, it's because it's true! ❤️
I have always been a little insecure about my breasts not being as perky as society thinks they should be. I approached my husband about getting a small lift done. He said, he'd really rather I not as he finds them to be perfect as they are. His reassurances are enough for me and I appreciate that he loves me just as I am.
Load More Replies...
She chose it knowing what the consequences would be. I would have some sympathy if it was the result of an injury and not her choice.
Plastic surgery looks fake. Nearly 100% of the time. Fake boobs look fake. Fake lips look fake. Fake youth looks fake. It never looks better than real. I'll take real and flawed over fake any day.
I completely agree. Look at the number of celebrities who regret their surgery (Jennifer Grey for one)! This has nothing to do with survivor's bias, it has to do with a preference for how someone may look. Everyone is overanalyzing this post. Plain and simple, he preferred her face before the surgery, leaving him to miss her "old" face. Nothing deeper than that.
Load More Replies... Since when is it not acceptable to dislike something? Why do we have to support everything anyone does all the time even if we know it’s foolish and stupid? People getting cosmetic surgery left and right, in pursuit of Instagram face, afraid of aging….it not okay. It looks weird and inhuman. She messed up her face and he is NTA. He is allowed to dislike it. I think we’ve forgotten what true, natural beauty looks like.
Anyone who says the guy was wrong is a idiot he says he still loves his wife even now learn to freaking read people 😅 some people are idiots
Whenever I think I want plastic surgery I remember Jennifer Grey (Dirty Dancing). Getting that nose job ended her career for many years because no one recognized her. I have a nose much like hers before surgery and like her I've always wanted to get rhinoplasty and have a cute little button nose instead. My husband is dead set against it saying my nose fits my face and is one of his favorite things about me :)
This is why our vision fades as we age - so our spouses and our face in the mirror remain appealing.
Can we say this louder for the people in Hollywood
Load More Replies...
My wife and I had to have a conversation about having surgery to alter her looks and I thank God that she listened to me. She went through with having prophylactic double-mastectomy due to very high risk of breast cancer while we were still dating. Her immediate thought was that she should get painful extenders so that her implants would be bigger than her natural breasts. I told her repeatedly that I loved her body as it was and didn't want her to put herself through extenders. She insisted that she "should get it done." I finally got her to be honest with me about it. We had a heart to heart, she admitted that she didn't want them, but thought I would. She finally believed what I was telling her, and she got the surgery without extenders.
Nobody's the AH. It's just simply that this part of their taste is completely incompatible. The look that she wants to feel happy in her skin happens to be a look that he finds really unattractive. That's nobody's fault, they just happen to be a bad match in this area of life. It is a very hard situation, I feel for both of them.
NTA. I'm glad I grew up in the 70s and 80s before social media took over. I was always told I had natural beauty and that I did not need makeup. Even my husband tells me that. So I'll wear makeup, but it's not often. I would never, ever consider going under the knife for a change to my face or body. Every woman should enjoy their natural look. Having plastic surgery is - in my opinion - a stupid idea. Lip filler. Fat removal. Yuck.
I don't get the buccal fat thing. Every before and after I've seen, the person looks so much better in the before.
Are people forgetting marriage is love between two people? If one of them does something that the other hates then they TELL them. Nta
I love this joke: "Hello everyone, welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
It would be really hard for your SO to look like a completely different person. If it's like Erin Moriarty, she now looks like a skull on top of a tiny neck.
He's certainly NOT an a*****e for not having a PHYSICAL (there are different aspects of attraction) to the results of plastic surgery.
NTA- like, at all. I get not feeling beautiful, but jeezus every time you turn around there is another woman getting this procedure or that one. Like, no one wants to be natural anymore. I actually wanted surgery a few years ago- I was in my early 40s and feeling a little down about my looks. My husband and I talk about literally everything so I was telling him what I wanted to do and he told me that it was totally up to me, but he REALLY did not want me to change anything. Well, except to gain weight- he likes me to be hip-py. I mean, I honestly don't get why anyone would call this guy an AH, I mean, she deliberately modified her face/body, and this was a major ordeal; it's not like gaining weight bc of illness or pregnancy. AND she didn't care what he thought of her doing it PRIOR to the surgery, so why does she care now?
We can't help what we are attracted to, and this woman has drastically altered her face. The face is interface through which people access us. He was used to, and loved, her old face. Maybe he will grow accustomed to her new face after a while. That's the best they can hope for.
i dont think he's an a*** at all - he is allowed to have his opinion and he wasnt harsh about it. no matter how he says it, unless he lies to her, he cant win. i'm with the guy on this
True but considering how everyone blew up at him for it it makes sense why he did.
Load More Replies...
Same here. You marry someone for who they are, not because you want to change them! Fine, she was insecure about her looks, as am I, and probably 99% of the population, but rather than have a little tweak, she's drastically changed to a completely different person. With OP all the way on this one
I would like to have some things done to my face because there is a tendency in my family to have floppy skin (droopy eyelids, hamster cheeks or double chin) but nothing too drastic, just some touch ups in affected areas, because these just do not age well and I will look much older than I am (but not like full facial alien lift). I think I would inform my husband but would not bother about his opinion because he is a jerk and I don't think he gives a rats a*s about me. He doesn't ask me if he wants to know my opinion. Why would I?
Cosmetic surgery is not as common where I live as it is in the US. I still know a couple of women that have done things to their faces, and I agree with OP. These women looked soft and pretty before, now they look hard and their features dont match any more. They did discuss it beforehand and he said he didn’t like operated faces. She went ahead and did it anyway, and is now unhappy that he doesn’t like it. To add insult to injury, it seems like her mother and sister made her do it, because they said he would leave her for a younger woman. Now he might leave her for an older ”natural” woman.
Reading the headline, I was all set to name him the A, but this is something else entirely. Some have called him shallow and likened it not not being attracted to her anymore because of, say, her weight. That's not it at all. This was not an accident she had, it's not a scar. She did this to herself. Deliberately. She thinks she looks beautiful now. She is the shallow one. Deep inside she is no longer the woman he married. That woman wasn't obsessed with her appearance. That is what has changed his attraction to her.
If ever there were some people who need psychological therapy, it's these two. 1) Together to work on rebuilding their relationship and learning to talk/listen better. Work on returning to unconditional love. 2) Her to clear out the toxicity and shame from her mother & sisters.
Most woman like that think men look because they are pretty. No love, we are looking like it's a freak show. Plenty were I live.
All these people who post YTA baffle me. She asked him, he expressed his concerns, she did it anyways, he didn't like it. She forced him to be honest, and she didn't like it. This is definitely a 'you made your bed, now lie in it' situation for OP's wife.
Ladies, if you have an adoring husband or wife that's always been crazy about you, please don't worry about aging! You looked stunning when we first saw you and you continue to take our breath away each and every day! Please just stop following/watching/listening/idolizing famous people! They are toxic for your mental health and it will eventually result in totally unnecessary actions like plastic surgery above! If we say we think you are beautiful, it's because it's true! ❤️
I have always been a little insecure about my breasts not being as perky as society thinks they should be. I approached my husband about getting a small lift done. He said, he'd really rather I not as he finds them to be perfect as they are. His reassurances are enough for me and I appreciate that he loves me just as I am.
Load More Replies... She chose it knowing what the consequences would be. I would have some sympathy if it was the result of an injury and not her choice.
Plastic surgery looks fake. Nearly 100% of the time. Fake boobs look fake. Fake lips look fake. Fake youth looks fake. It never looks better than real. I'll take real and flawed over fake any day.
I completely agree. Look at the number of celebrities who regret their surgery (Jennifer Grey for one)! This has nothing to do with survivor's bias, it has to do with a preference for how someone may look. Everyone is overanalyzing this post. Plain and simple, he preferred her face before the surgery, leaving him to miss her "old" face. Nothing deeper than that.
Load More Replies... Since when is it not acceptable to dislike something? Why do we have to support everything anyone does all the time even if we know it’s foolish and stupid? People getting cosmetic surgery left and right, in pursuit of Instagram face, afraid of aging….it not okay. It looks weird and inhuman. She messed up her face and he is NTA. He is allowed to dislike it. I think we’ve forgotten what true, natural beauty looks like.
Anyone who says the guy was wrong is a idiot he says he still loves his wife even now learn to freaking read people 😅 some people are idiots
Whenever I think I want plastic surgery I remember Jennifer Grey (Dirty Dancing). Getting that nose job ended her career for many years because no one recognized her. I have a nose much like hers before surgery and like her I've always wanted to get rhinoplasty and have a cute little button nose instead. My husband is dead set against it saying my nose fits my face and is one of his favorite things about me :)
This is why our vision fades as we age - so our spouses and our face in the mirror remain appealing.
Can we say this louder for the people in Hollywood
Load More Replies... My wife and I had to have a conversation about having surgery to alter her looks and I thank God that she listened to me. She went through with having prophylactic double-mastectomy due to very high risk of breast cancer while we were still dating. Her immediate thought was that she should get painful extenders so that her implants would be bigger than her natural breasts. I told her repeatedly that I loved her body as it was and didn't want her to put herself through extenders. She insisted that she "should get it done." I finally got her to be honest with me about it. We had a heart to heart, she admitted that she didn't want them, but thought I would. She finally believed what I was telling her, and she got the surgery without extenders.
Nobody's the AH. It's just simply that this part of their taste is completely incompatible. The look that she wants to feel happy in her skin happens to be a look that he finds really unattractive. That's nobody's fault, they just happen to be a bad match in this area of life. It is a very hard situation, I feel for both of them.
NTA. I'm glad I grew up in the 70s and 80s before social media took over. I was always told I had natural beauty and that I did not need makeup. Even my husband tells me that. So I'll wear makeup, but it's not often. I would never, ever consider going under the knife for a change to my face or body. Every woman should enjoy their natural look. Having plastic surgery is - in my opinion - a stupid idea. Lip filler. Fat removal. Yuck.
I don't get the buccal fat thing. Every before and after I've seen, the person looks so much better in the before.
Are people forgetting marriage is love between two people? If one of them does something that the other hates then they TELL them. Nta
I love this joke: "Hello everyone, welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
It would be really hard for your SO to look like a completely different person. If it's like Erin Moriarty, she now looks like a skull on top of a tiny neck.
He's certainly NOT an a*****e for not having a PHYSICAL (there are different aspects of attraction) to the results of plastic surgery.
NTA- like, at all. I get not feeling beautiful, but jeezus every time you turn around there is another woman getting this procedure or that one. Like, no one wants to be natural anymore. I actually wanted surgery a few years ago- I was in my early 40s and feeling a little down about my looks. My husband and I talk about literally everything so I was telling him what I wanted to do and he told me that it was totally up to me, but he REALLY did not want me to change anything. Well, except to gain weight- he likes me to be hip-py. I mean, I honestly don't get why anyone would call this guy an AH, I mean, she deliberately modified her face/body, and this was a major ordeal; it's not like gaining weight bc of illness or pregnancy. AND she didn't care what he thought of her doing it PRIOR to the surgery, so why does she care now?
We can't help what we are attracted to, and this woman has drastically altered her face. The face is interface through which people access us. He was used to, and loved, her old face. Maybe he will grow accustomed to her new face after a while. That's the best they can hope for.
i dont think he's an a*** at all - he is allowed to have his opinion and he wasnt harsh about it. no matter how he says it, unless he lies to her, he cant win. i'm with the guy on this
True but considering how everyone blew up at him for it it makes sense why he did.
Load More Replies... Same here. You marry someone for who they are, not because you want to change them! Fine, she was insecure about her looks, as am I, and probably 99% of the population, but rather than have a little tweak, she's drastically changed to a completely different person. With OP all the way on this one
I would like to have some things done to my face because there is a tendency in my family to have floppy skin (droopy eyelids, hamster cheeks or double chin) but nothing too drastic, just some touch ups in affected areas, because these just do not age well and I will look much older than I am (but not like full facial alien lift). I think I would inform my husband but would not bother about his opinion because he is a jerk and I don't think he gives a rats a*s about me. He doesn't ask me if he wants to know my opinion. Why would I?
Cosmetic surgery is not as common where I live as it is in the US. I still know a couple of women that have done things to their faces, and I agree with OP. These women looked soft and pretty before, now they look hard and their features dont match any more. They did discuss it beforehand and he said he didn’t like operated faces. She went ahead and did it anyway, and is now unhappy that he doesn’t like it. To add insult to injury, it seems like her mother and sister made her do it, because they said he would leave her for a younger woman. Now he might leave her for an older ”natural” woman.
Reading the headline, I was all set to name him the A, but this is something else entirely. Some have called him shallow and likened it not not being attracted to her anymore because of, say, her weight. That's not it at all. This was not an accident she had, it's not a scar. She did this to herself. Deliberately. She thinks she looks beautiful now. She is the shallow one. Deep inside she is no longer the woman he married. That woman wasn't obsessed with her appearance. That is what has changed his attraction to her.
If ever there were some people who need psychological therapy, it's these two. 1) Together to work on rebuilding their relationship and learning to talk/listen better. Work on returning to unconditional love. 2) Her to clear out the toxicity and shame from her mother & sisters.
Most woman like that think men look because they are pretty. No love, we are looking like it's a freak show. Plenty were I live.
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