“But You Literally Are A House Husband”: People Weigh In On Man Retaliating Against Wife
One of the most important things in any relationship is that both partners have respect for each other. And not just in an overly idealized kind of way, either. You need to show this through your actions as well as your words. For example, by doing your fair share of the chores and showing that you appreciate your partner for putting in so much effort around the house. Because there’s nothing shameful about pitching in with the housework.
Redditor u/Top_Teaching_7287 started a polarizing discussion online after sharing that he felt insulted after his wife referred to him as her ‘house husband.’ In response, he stopped doing the chores for a while. Scroll down for the full story, as well as to see what the internet thought of it: people had some strong opinions about this one. Bored Panda has reached out to the author via Reddit for comment, and we’ll update the article once we hear back from him.
Nobody enjoys feeling like their partner doesn’t respect them or their efforts
Image crdits: Timur Weber / pexels (not the actual photo)
One man turned to the internet for advice after sharing how he felt belittled by his breadwinner wife
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Top_Teaching_7287
There is nothing shameful about doing housework. That being said, it’s important that your contribution gets recognized
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
According to a study conducted by the Pew Research Center, even in egalitarian marriages, women often end up doing more than their share of the chores and childcare.
“Husbands in egalitarian marriages spend about 3.5 hours more per week on leisure activities than wives do. Wives in these marriages spend roughly 2 hours more per week on caregiving than husbands do and about 2.5 hours more on housework,” the study found.
It is absolutely essential that both partners respect each other for their efforts. That includes the chores they do, the childcare, the money they bring in from work, and going the extra mile to do something special for each other.
There is nothing shameful at all about being a stay-at-home husband or wife, so long as the person doesn’t have any problems with it and the situation works for the entire family. However, issues start to crop up if someone feels undervalued or underappreciated for their housework, as well as if the family finances suffer because one person doesn’t work.
A job isn’t just about earning money, though. Human beings often find value in their careers. Work helps them hone their skills and focus on what they’re passionate about, turning it into what’s (often) useful for society.
On top of that, bringing in at least some money puts you on a more equal footing in your relationship. It’s easy to feel frustrated if all you ever do is cook and clean and don’t feel like your efforts are appreciated as much as you think they should be.
If there are any problems in the relationship, it’s best to talk it through so you’re both on the same page
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto / pexels (not the actual photo)
Being nicknamed a ‘house husband’ (even if someone might technically be that) can be hurtful. At the end of the day, it’s important to have a series of conversations with your partner about how this makes you feel.
Though, try to remember that you’re supposed to be on the same team. Try not to sound like you’re accusing them or anything. Focus on how their behavior is affecting you. Don’t bring up the past unless it’s directly relevant to the current situation.
And be open to looking for some sort of compromise. If something in your relationship is genuinely upsetting you, it’s always better to talk about it than to keep it inside until your frustration boils over.
It’s next to impossible to divide up the chores in a perfectly equal way. The reality is that each couple and family’s situation is unique.
Someone might bring in more money, but they work fewer hours and from home. Someone else might be working two jobs, but they actually enjoy cooking for their spouse when they get back home.
At the end of the day, couples need to find a balance that works for them. Moreover, it’s a big boost to everyone’s morale if both partners can choose the chores they don’t mind doing. Meanwhile, if there’s any housework that they both loathe, they can come up with a schedule to split it among themselves.
What’s important is that everyone shows that they’re willing to pitch in at home, no matter if they’re the sole breadwinner or part of a highly egalitarian dual-income household.
How do you divide up the housework and childcare with your partners, dear Pandas? How do you decide who does which chores? Do you have a schedule in place or do you spot what needs doing and simply do it? How would you feel if your partner came up with a quirky nickname for you if you didn’t have a job? Share your thoughts in the comments.
The post sparked a fiery and polarizing discussion. Some readers thought that the husband was in the wrong here
However, others weren’t so quick to blame the author. Here’s their perspective
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It's not the words "house husband", it's the way it's said with a smirk. Not nice. But he should just try and get a job, any job. Maybe go back to school. It's just as hard on women as it is for men. Equality should come from both sides and both partners should appreciate each other.
Well, we were not there. That smirk could have been a loving smile. We don't know her side of the story, only the husband's interpretation, who was already pissed off.
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Am I the only one that felt that the tone of the wife was condescending? I thought about this situation if the roles were reversed: husband comes home and jokes that thank god he 'has a housewife' to take care of things around the house... Like the housewife is a thing? Almost like a maid? It would be rude and condescending imo. I think the tone is the main issue and indicative of the wife's true feelings. If her general tone was 'thank you so much for taking care of these things around the house', there would be no issue, but her tone of 'thank god I have a househusband' just seems like it does bother her that he doesn't provide financially, but says it joke. I'm leaning towards NTA, but a conversation HAS to happen.
She's not emasculating you, she's insulting you albeit in a joking way. She shouldn't belittle you, have some honest conversations, but also don't try and make this about gender. House husband is just the male equivalent of house wife. Seems accurate, give her another description if you want one. But being insensitive to your stress is a big deal. Be grownups and discuss it like a couple.
It's not the words "house husband", it's the way it's said with a smirk. Not nice. But he should just try and get a job, any job. Maybe go back to school. It's just as hard on women as it is for men. Equality should come from both sides and both partners should appreciate each other.
Well, we were not there. That smirk could have been a loving smile. We don't know her side of the story, only the husband's interpretation, who was already pissed off.
Load More Replies... Am I the only one that felt that the tone of the wife was condescending? I thought about this situation if the roles were reversed: husband comes home and jokes that thank god he 'has a housewife' to take care of things around the house... Like the housewife is a thing? Almost like a maid? It would be rude and condescending imo. I think the tone is the main issue and indicative of the wife's true feelings. If her general tone was 'thank you so much for taking care of these things around the house', there would be no issue, but her tone of 'thank god I have a househusband' just seems like it does bother her that he doesn't provide financially, but says it joke. I'm leaning towards NTA, but a conversation HAS to happen.
She's not emasculating you, she's insulting you albeit in a joking way. She shouldn't belittle you, have some honest conversations, but also don't try and make this about gender. House husband is just the male equivalent of house wife. Seems accurate, give her another description if you want one. But being insensitive to your stress is a big deal. Be grownups and discuss it like a couple.
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