30 Brutal Lessons For More Effective Parenting, As Shared By Moms Online

The kid I have, is the kid I want. Yay

Sometimes you have exactly the kid you want, but someone messes with you and your kid, and your kid ain't the same anymore, you ain't the same anymore.

My mother basically screamed this to the heavens...as she totally disregarded it with me.

my mom does this and it makes me feel unwanted and even unloved :(

This!

I like wearing black, I feel comfy in it, same with baggier clothes, my mom hates when I wear “too much” black or baggy clothes bc her and my dad want me to “show off my curves” even tho I have been followed before (I felt a bit safer bc I had one friend that knew taekwondo and had a pocket knife and another that had a pocket knife and both are very protective of me) and my parents won’t let me get my own pocket knife to protect myself

So many parents don’t give their kids choices and then are amazed when their kids revel about everything.

Super simple and effective rule we have: correct if rude or dangerous. The rest is discovery and play. Gave me a lot of peace of mind. Thanks, mother-in-law!!

When my daughter was little & learned how to dress herself whether it matched or whatever she was so proud & I encouraged her to be herself & happy. I had no problem with mismatched socks or princess dress my baby girl was proud & happy & so was I.

wearing mismatched socks was a thing among my daughter's friends from 5th grade to some time in middle school. It started as being silly, and then in played into the whole "being random" middle school behavior. I think that it stopped when the kids started coloring their hair or something.

This is literally my field of expertise and the short answer here is, “yes and no”. Sometimes kids tantrum because they’re basically overwhelmed and sometimes it’s a learned behavior that results in getting their way. Use good judgment and observation on a case by case basis. Big takeaway: kids are people too and should be treated as you yourself would like to be treated.

Sometimes it is just bad behavior.

Crippling social anxiety and depression over here. Got the advice from my parents that just repeated it sinc i was 5yo: "just don't think about it,"

I was ignored or screamed at whenever I was having issues that I couldn't explain. It's a wonder I never tell anyone near me anything.

This! Young kids dont know how to communicate well if at all. Scoldong them doesnt help it makes them MORE upset n frustrated. Plus sometimes its GOOD to bawl it out. Dont teaxh kids to bottle emotions

My best friend who is thinking of kids decided she's getting a therapist before even start trying because she grew up with her mother's narcissistic disorder and wants to make sure she's all okay before involving another human in her life (she's actually a great person, a vit depressed or anxious at times but could just be seasonal depression)

There’s a Bible passage that pretty much says, “The sins of the Father shall be passed on to the children even unto the third or fourth generation”. I always used to get mad at it but as an adult, seeing the Bible as a guide written by people, I now see it as a prediction about this very thing. In modern times it’s called “generational trauma”.

Promised My self before I had Kids,that I would NEVER give My Child ANY ABUSE or let My Child feel,that I was’nt there when I was MOST NEEDED!! NO MATTER WHAT!! I have kept that promise ok until now!

This. This right here is for me. Not only am I suffering but so are my boys.. 7 and 12. I'm going to therapy.. I've come a ways and am doing better than I was but.. I need help. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUT THIS BEHIND ME! The things I've learned in therapy don't help with EVERY feeling and situation. I think I need help from people who are completely unbiased, don't know me, my kids or the situation. But then again I could just be feeling weak and vulnerable.. I never know what's right..

Parenting From The Inside Out, fantastic read on this subject!!!

However you should not be afraid to take a firmer hand when it comes to things like not touching the hot stove top, not sticking their hands in campfires etc etc. There are some lessons you do not want them to learn the hard way.

Uuuuuunless it can be dangerous to them. You're a professional chef and they see you quickly chopping veggies? Tell them how you do it first, and to go slow. After that point, well, they'll learn lol

Very true. Just as any child they need to be able to learn how to navigate life & develop the ability to overcome things be it good, easy, scary or difficult. We as parents are there to show them the way & help even if they choose to not always listen. Let children grow & become their own person, but always be there to guide them.

Lol to some extent, because they are not going to control your life and tell YOU what to do.

Sadly some Parents forgets..

The world would be a better place if people recognize that kids are humans that deserve the respect everyone else should also have.

A few thoughts. More than 870 women die in childbirth everyday. The task of bringing a new life into this world is a truly monumental task. I am on my second pregnancy so I know what I am saying. The care and raising of a child does require a large amount of sacrifice from parents. So yes those action should earn you some amount of respect, however a bad action by a parent can make you lose some of that respect. While giving them life and caring for them earns you some respect it must still be maintained. You can't do one act and then do badly and expect to still be respected for the initial good act. Nor should a grown child use the caring for me was what parents are there for to take advantage of thier parents. Too many kids these days use that as an excuse to belittle thier parents. The oh its your job to take care of me, so I can insult your intelligence, and your sacrifices, not knowing how big and difficult a job parenting is. I was somewhat the same once, I have learned better.

It's a running gag between my mom and I where whenever she wants something from me, i will automatically say no. Then she adds that i'd better do it because she's my mother and she shined my shoes when I was little! She didn't and probably never even shined her own. We have a laugh and i do the thing anyway because I want to.

I hate it when parents tell you that you have to return the favor and take care of them. Be at their beck and call, take them everywhere, answer the phone everytime they call, always take their side even when their wrong, give them money when they ask, or worse share your wealth if you break into an industry and become wealthy, because they're your parents, they brought you in this world and fed, housed, school, and clothed you for 18 years or so. Basically for existing without asking to, you owe them that much. I cut off all communication with my parents after I was emancipated from state custody(the only one who was a state ward) I graduated college (first generation college grad). When my parents found out through a sister (who I no longer talk to because she has a as* big mouth), that I was making good money in my career there was hands out left and right. I went into hiding. Changed number, home address, and email. Not on social media. Your kids don't owe you anything. Ever!!!!

Someone responded to me by saying,. "Respect? They're children. " Yes, they are human beings and deserve respect. I am so glad to see these because I have been saying it for decades. If all parents understood these things, children would be so much happier and so would parents.

This should be way up there.

It makes it way more fun, I think. My kid is absolutely nothing like me, which means that I'm learning all sorts of new things with her and exploring things I would never have explored otherwise. It might have been easier to raise a carbon copy of myself, but this is much more interesting.

Your child may end up alot like you on thier own, though they will still have thier own distinctive quirks.

Observe you child lovingly See how they are growing and follow them.

Moral of the story: dont try to cram your kid into your own mold.

When my son was 13-ish he had friends over and he and I got into a somewhat heated debate about who knows what and he was angry when he walked away and slammed his bedroom door closed. No problem, he's angry, totally get that. After a couple minutes his friends walked out of his room and started to leave. I had thought they were staying for dinner so I asked them why they were going. One kid said they figured T was in trouble for raising his voice and slamming his door shut. They were flabbergasted when I told them they didn't have to leave. All my son was doing was expressing himself the best way he was able to at the time. People get angry, voices get raised, it happens, so what. It's how you deal with it that matters. He always knew he could use colorful language such as "this is stupid and unfair." However, he also knew if he turned that into "YOU'RE stupid and unfair" that would've been a completely different situation. We need to allow them the freedom to express themselves.

However helping them to learn to control thier emotions is imperative. You cannot survive as an adult in a social environment without learning a little self control. However when dealing with a tantruming child remember that its a skill that takes years of practice and experiance to learn. No one learns self control over night. (Some adults never do sadly.)

When I read those great responses and the thoughtfullness behind it, I even more realise what a crappy job my mum did. I have an bad relationship with her and more snd more I discover why. And her bad example harmed my relationship with my oldest. I didn't know how to parent when he was little.