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Girlfriend Tweets Weird Things Her Boyfriend Says During His Sleep, And It Will Make You Die From Laughter
When your partner tells you you've been sleep talking, it's as scary as it is intriguing. Did you reveal any secrets? Maybe you came up with the recipe for the elixir of immortality? One guy in Wichita, Kansas is talking so much and so amusingly in his sleep that his girlfriend eventually decided to start tweeting his phrases, and our funny bones can't thank her enough.
From asking a penguin for his pancakes to revealing that he's Jon Snow in disguise, this guy says so many ridiculously hilarious things, he deserves his own talk show. The Twitter account his girlfriend uses (@Sleep_Sayings) has racked up over 14,000 followers, and it deserves every single one of them. Scroll down to read some of the funniest things his unconscious mind had to say and vote for your favorites!
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#1
Lola Volkova 8 years ago
My boyfriend also talks in his sleep while I'm playing videos. A couple nights ago he sat up on his bed and pronounced: They come or don't but I need a hot pink button and I want it now! Then he just continued his sweet dreams, what a frigging creeper)
Kirk Ruocco 8 years ago
-what i think is going on- "welcome to being reborn 65 million years later and everyone you know is dead and so is all of your offspring and here's your fossilized remains of your past life, I am god deal with it!
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#2
AspieGirl88 8 years ago
I've heard much worse than this. My sister's partner (who has always been a vegetarian) said something to my eldest niece when she was still quite young; & it was just one of the reasons she became vegetarian herself. He only went & told her that "sausages are actually pig's w*****s". Naturally, my niece was disgusted & never touched another sausage again. My sister's partner didn't stop there, though. As soon as she was over the age of 12, he made her watch a video on how chickens are killed & prepared for food. To this day (aged 20); she is still a vegetarian...
#3
Agnes Jekyll 8 years ago
This is my favourite. Plus octopus are brilliant. I'd love to have one as a sea-adventuring partner
Phoebe Bean 8 years ago
He sounds like Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory ...(remember him saying "No, Goofy, no!" in his dreams?
Kirk Ruocco 8 years ago
He better not be talking to octocommando as he will mess you up! full_metal...a00532.jpg 
#4
AspieGirl88 8 years ago
I'm guessing the penguin ate them, LOL. Either that or they're frozen/soggy! 😂
#5
silem arod 8 years ago
Either he hates Steve Jobs or he refers to the forbidden apple. Or just the apple hahahahahahaha
Jasmina Wetherley 8 years ago
or he could be talking to the witch on Snow White
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frederic eeckman 8 years ago
My best friend was talking a lot during her sleep, one day she just said "Take my children. And burn them". I don't know if it was scary or hilarious :D
Elizabeth Molloy 8 years ago
Ha! I sleep shout abuse sometimes: "you're not so f***ing tough, are you?"
Maike 8 years ago
after a party i slept in one Bed with my younger sister. In the middle of the night she sits up recites something that has no context what so ever (tree, cat, me, why? like that) dramatically gesturing with her hands. then lays down again, gets up again and punches the wall over my head with her fist. needles to say one of us slept on the floor the rest of the night.
#6
Jet Nijkamp 8 years ago
Did you know the Dutch word for grafting (a tree) is 'enten'?
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Robert Morson 8 years ago
As I did stand my watch upon the hill, I looked toward Birnam, and anon methought The wood began to move.
Vexor Shadewing 8 years ago
Heads up, it's likely he's consorting with three bearded hags in his spare time.
#7
soulbossanova9 7 years ago
It's like the inside of his head is some shadowy, frightening section of Pooh Corner.......
Hamlets twin 8 years ago
You can trust those things. They're full of lies! don't even taste like butter...
#8
Daria B 8 years ago
Otherwise, the chess is going to grow a face and threaten you if you don't pee.
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#9
Gillian Black 8 years ago
maybe you are getting engaged but you have to guess what colour you want
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Agnes Jekyll 8 years ago
He has so many animals in his dreams. I would love it if he could film them!
#11
Bryce Ferguson 8 years ago
I mean, maybe he takes some advice from Markiplier. “Straight Motorboat me, NO mayonnaise.”
#12
Danny Waller 8 years ago
First the fossil, now ALL of the Dinosaurs ? Ask the Duck where they all went.
Anna Brown 8 years ago
aww that's sad :( I'll get him some dinosaurs...nobody should be w/o dinosaurs
#13
Derron Grant Jr. 8 years ago
and i wanna use a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down too
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Damian Matrisch 8 years ago
hard not to laugh if u combine 2 posts.. "Jon Snow is me" ... "...but I wanna be Mary Poppins" OKay and now i'm imaginig Daenerys on one of her dragons, and next to her.. Jon snow with an Umbrella... under my umbrella....ella..ella..eh eh eh...
TheBoredPanda 8 years ago
I tried once...nearly broke my arm jumping off a roof with an umbrella for a parachute.
#15
V4vendetta14 8 years ago
My favorite little Ralph quote from the Simpsons.
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Veronica Storey 8 years ago
Thought that said 'your eyeballs smell like meatballs' for a second lol
#16
Ilya Ditkovskiy 8 years ago
God no. Thankfully politicians right now aren't dumb enough and understand that if WW3 breaks out then it's just going to be an apocalypse on the entire planet...
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Sharon Harris 8 years ago
Texas IS the Third World War. All those fools packin' heat? There won't be anybody left alive.
#17
Ilya Ditkovskiy 8 years ago
They are easy to find. Just find the nearest desert like area.
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Lara B. 8 years ago
It's probably just in the back garden, sticking it's head into the sand. You'll find him, mate :)
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Ilya Ditkovskiy 8 years ago
Is he dreaming about the superdog or whatever the movie was called?
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David Johnson 8 years ago
Impending tiger possession is one of surest ways to cease giving a f**k.
Joanna Maynard 8 years ago
One of my daughters at around aged 4 while sleeping asked for 7 pet snakes.
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eezycheezes101 4 years ago
Omg I saw this thing about Stephen King's book, "IT" (the sewer reference), and I guess it had a turtle or something in it that helped them or whatever (the word "turtle" speaks for itself).
#23
Marnee DeRider 8 years ago
He must be dreaming if he thinks a cat cares what he says. Wait, um.....
Sharon Palmer 8 years ago
What did the cat want to do?! My teenager talks in her sleep, I used to just walk away, but now I go along with it and talk to her, asking questions and it's hilarious - she answers it all! 😂😂
Vexor Shadewing 8 years ago
Unfortunately, Pat, I must take the bat, for I am the cat. The cat in the hat.
#24
Jayar Caraballo 8 years ago
That's nice. He remembered in the dream. The rest of us busy failing exams we didn't study for all night.
#25
Thegreatcountryofverden 8 years ago
Darn fridgemen tellin' ya that ya can only eat aspic an' rice!
#26
8 years ago
THEY ARENT ACTUALLY FRENCH FRIES THEYRE FROM BELGIUM...that's a thing you now know
Lindsay Ameye 8 years ago
As a Belgian I am sobbing with happiness that somebody just remembered the truth about fries.
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Gillian Black 8 years ago
dont we all so when you get yours get me some to I live in New Zealand
hairydruidy 8 years ago
Because you've never had proper ones. The ones from America and Canada, are in fact really gross.
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John Louis 8 years ago
Usually its the woman who expects us to always know what she's thinking
Ilya Ditkovskiy 8 years ago
Ssxist joke non the less. Of you make a joke out of certain topics like sexism it doesn't mean that it's not sexist anymore.
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#28
8 years ago
Things i now know about him 1. He love Teenage mutant ninja turtles 2. He probably got a dog 3. He don't like burritos(?) 4. Lots of imagination :P
#29
The Cube Cat 7 years ago
This dude has a surprising amount of correct facts for a sleep talker
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#32
David Johnson 8 years ago
This is a dude who was seriously excited about some doctor repellant.
Gayle Bynum Cardosa 8 years ago
Did he say it with a Samuel L. Jackson voice? That'd be awesome.
#33
Elyse Enger 7 years ago
This is classic. A leg for a weapon. Maybe Riddick should show him a few things.
The Cube Cat 7 years ago
It's cold, so frostbite sets in, he has to have his leg amputated, so he's asking for a replacement. Seems legit to me.
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
Sounds like he is Long John Silver, wanting to replace his peg leg, with an actual leg
#34
Naima Ivansdóttir 8 years ago
how am i going to manage for that toenail refund if i am not even allowed to take your toes and check 'em out
#37
H4unt3dF0r3sts 8 years ago
I bet he performed the surgery on the penguin.
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#39
David Johnson 8 years ago
If the gremlin has already been hydrated, it's too late for that.
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#40
Thundor Fox 8 years ago
Honestly, how could you fall asleep in the middle of my lecture on rabbits?
#41
#42
Melody Lanzatella 8 years ago
I CANNOT believe Im on page 5 of this shite and STILL reading it!!! LOL
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#44
Anne Glare 8 years ago
Does that mean you're the princess of s**t or just not a very good princess?
Phil The Computer 8 years ago
I AM THE PRETTIEST PRINCESS, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR GENERAL TWINKLE TOES!?!?
#45
Vexor Shadewing 8 years ago
Your boyfriend's gonna be changing his name to Richard Sanchez, I swear it!
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#49
Kirk Ruocco 8 years ago
a big gay guy with a knife i hope as a normal bear with a knife is worse then Chuck Norris
#50
Gillian Black 8 years ago
we saw you with that person or thing or whatever , we took photos now you are done as Aunty has the evidence
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#52
Tralee Aylett 8 years ago
balls? was he an extra Big Bang Theroy? (thats Leneord's word when he messes up. check the bloopers)
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#55
Sam Petter 8 years ago
Me trying to get out the door in the morning without unleashing my cats upon the neighborhood
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Katie Bear 8 years ago
The blood of invader marches thru my veins LIKE GIANT RADIOACTIVE RUBBER PANTS!! The pants command me! DO NOT IGNORE MY VEINS!! Sorry . . . Sorry . . . 4am rant.
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Gillian Black 8 years ago
how many times do I have to say it no you can not have an elephant, the yard is to small
#71
SiYuan 8 years ago
Are you no one? : o But yeah, posts on far pages like this look so lonely without comments :c
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Hobie Henninger III 8 years ago
It's with the previous tiger, though I think I saw the cat skulking around...
#72
Marnee DeRider 8 years ago
What on earth is this guy seeing? His girlfriend should plug into his head and display the dreams in video.
Kirk Ruocco 8 years ago
My dreams are messed up but at least they make some sense compared to this guy.
#73
eezycheezes101 4 years ago
He may be on the something. Keep ur eyes peeled for the next 2 days, Pandas.
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#75
Kirk Ruocco 8 years ago
Hes a dino resurrection bear punching guy running for president on the slogan 'hold the mayo"
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Kirk Ruocco 8 years ago
even clubs cant stop him..... i have seen death an its a guy talking in his sleep
#97
#98
Fanwarrior 8 years ago
This is what people say when they see me awkwardly hiding in the corner at social events.
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#101
eezycheezes101 4 years ago
I mean, he did say, "Jon Snow is me", I think.
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Warren Cancilla 8 years ago
Interesting note: Dion McGregor was in the closet when he recorded his nightmares. It was only when he finally came out that the sleep talking ended. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T62OBSqVMw
Jenay Staunton 7 years ago
Hahaha this is the best one! Watch the idiotic liberals whine about “homophobia.” Sheep sheep sheep.
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What do you think ?
Megan 8 years ago
My mother once told me that i said “ Tonight is the night.... I’ll get the bird u get the dog , we’ll kill EVERYONE!!!!! and then i decided to scream “ Spaghetti!!!! Spaghetti!!!! Spaghetti!!!!!!
Socially Awkward 8 years ago
My dad talked in his sleep once: Dad: It's a fish. Mom: What's a fish? Dad: IT'S A FISH! IT SAYS IT RIGHT HERE IN THE RULE BOOK!
SJ_Panda_love 8 years ago
One of my friend who was a sleep walker and talker both, got up at 3 AM, called 911 and told operator, "I buried all of them in my backyard". Well rest you can imagine. P.S. There were no bodies, nothing!
Zori the degu 8 years ago
My sister a few moments after she woke up: " Zori, it's your cat toilet. Me(eyeing her with confusion): ....... My sister: "Zori, it's your cat toilet!" Me: "Yana, you alright(in Bulgarian language, with the appropriate intonation, this simple phrase can freely be used in the meaning of "Do you have your brains in place?")? My sister(with a wide smile and proud voice): "No." Again my sister but this time soundly asleep yells: "Zori, where's the cloud machine?". I laughed so hard I literally woke her up. This time my friend's story: Her father, trying to wake her up: Ani, you must go to school..." Ani(suddenly punching the air and her father's face with her fist):"Chanterelle!" I bet that living with someone who constantly says such weird things while sleeping is never boring.
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
LOL! I talk in my sleep too, only if someone tries to talk to me whilst I'm asleep. Once, after getting home pretty late on a school night after a school dance competition; my mother tried to wake me up to go to school. Mum: are you going to school today? Me: no, the girls did that LOL!
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Alira 8 years ago
he'll give up his psychology degree because of this guy.
Load More Replies... ADHORTATOR 8 years ago
my daughter talked in her sleep very often...she continued arguing with her brother " DONT' T EAT MY HAIR!!!"
Rachael Clawson 8 years ago
All the joking aside, if a person constantly talks in their sleep on a consistent/nightly basis, that usually means they're not sleeping deeply enough. The chances they have sleep apnea are very high. If ya'll haven't done so, I implore you to have a sleep study done for your loved one. It might be funny, but not being able to sleep properly can significantly shorten a person's life and cause many nasty diseases and conditions.
Just Curious 8 years ago
I hate to sound like a jerk but, as funny as these things sound, why should we believe they are real and not just made up to attract twitter "followers"?
well 8 years ago
yeah, it seems to happen too often to believe it, that he says fun s**t in his sleep.. Though, it's funny to read the comments about what really did happen to others:)
Load More Replies... Full Name 8 years ago
I'm straight but I would absolutely sleep with this guy just to hear the insanity.
Madeline Tuohey 8 years ago
Did anyone else notice they were all posted at like, 4:00 am? Poor Caitlyn.
Megan 8 years ago
My mother once told me that i said “ Tonight is the night.... I’ll get the bird u get the dog , we’ll kill EVERYONE!!!!! and then i decided to scream “ Spaghetti!!!! Spaghetti!!!! Spaghetti!!!!!!
Socially Awkward 8 years ago
My dad talked in his sleep once: Dad: It's a fish. Mom: What's a fish? Dad: IT'S A FISH! IT SAYS IT RIGHT HERE IN THE RULE BOOK!
SJ_Panda_love 8 years ago
One of my friend who was a sleep walker and talker both, got up at 3 AM, called 911 and told operator, "I buried all of them in my backyard". Well rest you can imagine. P.S. There were no bodies, nothing!
Zori the degu 8 years ago
My sister a few moments after she woke up: " Zori, it's your cat toilet. Me(eyeing her with confusion): ....... My sister: "Zori, it's your cat toilet!" Me: "Yana, you alright(in Bulgarian language, with the appropriate intonation, this simple phrase can freely be used in the meaning of "Do you have your brains in place?")? My sister(with a wide smile and proud voice): "No." Again my sister but this time soundly asleep yells: "Zori, where's the cloud machine?". I laughed so hard I literally woke her up. This time my friend's story: Her father, trying to wake her up: Ani, you must go to school..." Ani(suddenly punching the air and her father's face with her fist):"Chanterelle!" I bet that living with someone who constantly says such weird things while sleeping is never boring.
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
LOL! I talk in my sleep too, only if someone tries to talk to me whilst I'm asleep. Once, after getting home pretty late on a school night after a school dance competition; my mother tried to wake me up to go to school. Mum: are you going to school today? Me: no, the girls did that LOL!
Load More Replies... Alira 8 years ago
he'll give up his psychology degree because of this guy.
Load More Replies... ADHORTATOR 8 years ago
my daughter talked in her sleep very often...she continued arguing with her brother " DONT' T EAT MY HAIR!!!"
Rachael Clawson 8 years ago
All the joking aside, if a person constantly talks in their sleep on a consistent/nightly basis, that usually means they're not sleeping deeply enough. The chances they have sleep apnea are very high. If ya'll haven't done so, I implore you to have a sleep study done for your loved one. It might be funny, but not being able to sleep properly can significantly shorten a person's life and cause many nasty diseases and conditions.
Just Curious 8 years ago
I hate to sound like a jerk but, as funny as these things sound, why should we believe they are real and not just made up to attract twitter "followers"?
well 8 years ago
yeah, it seems to happen too often to believe it, that he says fun s**t in his sleep.. Though, it's funny to read the comments about what really did happen to others:)
Load More Replies... Full Name 8 years ago
I'm straight but I would absolutely sleep with this guy just to hear the insanity.
Madeline Tuohey 8 years ago
Did anyone else notice they were all posted at like, 4:00 am? Poor Caitlyn.
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