“Do Not Marry Her”: Man Rethinks Marriage Proposal After GF Ignores Him In An Emergency
Interview With Author
From time to time, we are reminded that life is not without difficulties. And often, it’s our partners who provide us with the emotional support and comfort we need to get through them. After all, it’s true that a friend in need is a friend indeed.
However, this relationship wasn’t able to withstand the test of hardship. When the boyfriend started feeling unusual pains and required his girlfriend‘s help, he was completely ignored. The same evening, he ended up having emergency surgery alone, which made him rethink their future and his marriage proposal.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with its author and self-healing and relationship expert, Rebeccah Silence, who kindly agreed to tell us more about supporting partners in emergencies.
It’s true that a friend in need is a friend indeed. However, this man learned it the hard way
Image credits: Mathurin NAPOLY / matnapo (not the actual photo)
It happened when his girlfriend ignored his emergency calls and he had to go into emergency surgery alone
Image credits:Long Truong (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Nearby_Volume_7067
The original poster tells us that his girlfriend has never acted this way before
The author of this story tells Bored Panda that he turned to the AITAH subreddit because he genuinely couldn’t figure out if he would be in the wrong to break up with his girlfriend for ignoring him.
When asked if his significant other had been dismissive or unsupportive before, his answer was negative. “She likes to give me the “silent treatment” if she’s mad at me, but that usually only lasts a few hours. She’s never done anything like this,” he said.
He further tells us that by sharing his story online, he wasn’t necessarily looking for advice but was rather trying to see things from his girlfriend’s perspective. “It’s never a good idea to base your opinion on what random Reddit strangers say about you since they don’t see the ins and outs of a person’s relationship and can only judge based on the information given to them,” he concludes.
“It is never unreasonable to expect your partner to be there for you during challenging times”
We also reached out to self-healing and relationship expert Rebeccah Silence, who believes that “it is never unreasonable to expect your partner to be there for you during challenging times, such as a health emergency. However, clear communication is key. It’s crucial to express what you want, what you need, how you feel, and the specific support you are looking for.
I often coach couples to provide each other with opportunities to show up in the ways they’ve always needed and wanted to receive love and support. From there, your partner may or may not be able or willing to accommodate, but your first step should always be to communicate your needs.”
She further explains that we often expect our partners to read our minds, which is impossible and inevitably leads to disappointment. Therefore, she recommends keeping in mind that the partner might not be equipped to offer emotional support in the exact way the other envisions. While it’s sensible to expect it, pressuring them to do so isn’t
In order to receive the support one anticipates, Silence recommends, “Communicate clearly, allow them the chance to support you, and appreciate that their best effort is enough. This approach will help foster a healthy relationship and a supportive environment. Remember, you will receive the support you deserve, whether from your spouse or someone else, as long as you remain open and willing to accept it.”
In cases where the partner is not providing the emotional support one seeks, the relationship might not be doomed
In cases where the partner is not providing the emotional support one seeks, Silence explains that even after the trust has been broken, partners can always rebuild it as long as they are committed to growing together. “The foundation of this repair, however, starts with trusting yourself—trusting that you know what to do, what to say, and that you deserve to set high standards. These standards are crucial as they foster growth and deep satisfaction for both partners,” she says.
But what many couples struggle with is conflict. Rather than avoiding it, Silence advises recognizing that such disputes often present opportunities to strengthen and deepen their bond. She adds, “It’s essential to determine whether your partner is as dedicated to improving and deepening the relationship as you are, and whether they are willing to acknowledge and address their role in any issues.”
If both people are ready and committed to moving forward, the next step is having honest and intimate communication. Silence explains, “Speak with kindness and without blame, threats, or intimidation. Aim to be solution-oriented, discussing what can be improved rather than dwelling on and focusing on problems. Propose ideas and possibilities for handling situations differently and better in the future instead of simply tossing the problem back and forth like a “hot potato.””
She concludes by saying, “Even in the face of significant breaches of trust, such as infidelity, it’s okay to choose to stay and work on your relationship. Healing is possible if both partners truly want it and are ready to work towards solutions that satisfy both of you.”
The author jumped to the comments to answer some burning questions. Meanwhile, the readers titled him as not wrong
Who actually blocks their significant other in what could be considered an otherwise normal experience. Anyone who blocks me should make it permanent as I'd nope my way right out of there.
Someone that had this done to them b4? Feels like there is more to this story then O.P. wants to tell.
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Story time! In the RAF and in the NZ military we have something called "no duff". It means "I am not joking and this isn't part of training- there is really a real emergency". So you might here "Fire! Fire! Fire! No duff! No duff!". If you need a phrase that means "this is real!" Please feel free to borrow"No duff". Duff comes from duff gen or bad information. The opposite of duff gen is pukka gen, but that fell out of use.
Gillbella, 'pukka' is still used in UK slang. It means 'excellent', 'cool', and comes from Hindi and Urdu "pakkā," which means "solid", "genuine", "first class".
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couple of texts maybe she could be forgiven for thinking he was kidding but after like the 2nd or 3rd call thats sort of a give away something is wrong
'Sort of'? It's a dead give away! I'm afraid OP cannot depend on his girlfriend in difficult situation.
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I don't care if someone I care about uses words like "my balls hurt" or "my boobs hurt" or "my patootie hurts" when they're texting me, if they're telling me they're in pain in that part of their body, I'm going home to check on them immediately. Part of caring about someone is trusting and believing them, and unless they have a history of texting you at random times and saying "lol my balls hurt, help"... why wouldn't you at least ANSWER the call? Then again, OP's gf is 22... the club is clearly more important to her than he is.
My balls hurt can very well be interpreted as I would like you to soothe them IYKWIM. I definitely would interpret it like that, especially when I'm out drinking.
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I'm in the middle on this. She acted like a jerk for sure like no doubt about it but his communication also sucked. Nothing he said demonstrated a sense of urgency. And his line of thinking makes no sense to me. They both need to grow up before even thinking about marriage.
What are you talking about? He called her multiple times and she kept declining! The man was vomiting in pain and you think he wasn't communicating properly? You have issues
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Update post here. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cf46si/update_wibta_for_dumping_my_girlfreind_after_she/
Oh good grief he sucks at story telling. That information should've been included in the original post and filled in a lot of gaps. She was still wrong but seeing how he actually communicated makes it easier to understand why he's so upset. She completely dropped the ball and I wouldn't blame him for ending it. Though they still need to grow up regardless of them being together or not
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I come from abig family and someone is always being born, getting into accidents and dying so I have never understood the humor of joking about being in the hospital. After certain times of night getting phone calls is nerve wracking. I would immediately check on the person.
If she had taken any one of the multiple calls, even if just to b*****k him, she would know he wasn't kidding. Instead she blocked him, and was also angry at vomit. She needs dumping.
When I'm sick or hurting, I want a medical professional, not a party girl. Both sound too immature to build a lasting marriage.
These people are wasting words from the dictionary & precious time. He didn't say he'll break up with her or mentioned this is a red flag for future reference if choose to propose. I cannot imagine her response if her children were in an emergency at school. Truly hope she learned a valuable lesson from this experience.
I thing the the "my balls hurt" set the tone for the rest of the interaction. Blocking you was bad enough but not taking care of you after she found out it was serious would do it for me.
And then the "I need to go to the hospital" should have undone that set tone for the rest of the interaction after.
Load More Replies... Nah, fk the girlfriend. It doesn't matter how he explained it, she showed no care for him whatsoever, not even enough to just pick up the phone after 3 calls. EVERYONE who isn't a narcissist would be concerned after that point and answer or check to make sure. Also this is such a double standard, if a woman was to say her vagina hurt, followed by call after call, after call, I have no doubt most dudes would rush home in concern. But because women don't understand how dangerous testicles are and how easily they can get hurt, they just brush it off as "he's making a joke because of the way he said it". Ladies, when you have that level of pain, the world goes white, and you are not thinking clearly, if you get hit there by someone else, you literally go primal for a second and want to murder that person. I figured out right away from begining of the story that it was testicular torsion because it's a serious fear for us guys that know about it.
We're not getting the whole story. I can't see this type of behavior suddenly and for the first time, just appearing in such a manner.
Can't believe that some people think this guy, who was probably in the worst pain of his life, should have been able to give a full description of his problem? She should've called him or gone home to him. I can't imagine being so dismissive of my boyfriend.
Sounds like two immature people who certainly aren't ready for marriage.
Seems genuinely remorseful. 5 years is not something to casually walk away from. I'd say sit down with your feelings for a couple weeks and consider it. Also talk it through, maybe get some individual and couple's counselling. That was a painful and traumatic experience and it takes a while for your brain to process the issue dispassionately.
1 dump the b***h 2 Men get your fricken self checked when you have a pain in the region. My partner lost a testical due to twist. Lucky he didn't lose it all.
Need the other side on this one. Texts to come home and the reason "my balls hurt" would easily be seen as taking the p**s, making a joke, or trying to get her to come home and take care of said balls. OP says they have never "played pranks" before but I doubt there hasn't been some kind of joking of this nature. Imagine the reverse and her texting him saying come home my vagina is aching. Also how dumb are people to not call an ambulance when something is clearly seriously wrong. Don't call a partner, mate, etc if you are crippled in pain almost passing out and vomiting. Call a f*****g ambulance the first time, let them call your emergency contact
If someone's partner says "I need to go to the hospital" there should be no further questions or complaints asked, or a the very least, a call to see what is going on, not "I will block you"
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Okay, I'm curious, why is he in the hospital for 2 days after? I had an ovarian torsion (with surgery) and went home in about 24 hours from stepping foot in the hospital (lol or first rolled in since I came in ambulance). Now, I completely understand the difference between an ovary and a testicle but I'm trying to understand why it would take 2 days in the hospital. Maybe a complication?
Perhaps the recovery takes longer, maybe it’s a bit more of a complicated surgery? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ never happened to me and personally I really really hope it stays that way
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I sort of did this to my fiance...I went out to dinner with a friend and did the "right" thing by putting my phone in my purse to talk with my friend uninterrupted. I felt the phone buzz a few times but didn't answer it. Afterwards found out he cut his hand pretty bad and needed stitches...
I am not usually a fan of "Well, we need more information." But we really do. I think NAH... I don't joke like that with my wife of 25 years, but if I texted her to come home because "my balls hurt", she would probably laugh and ignore me too. I can easily see how she would think it was some kind of weird, horny text. I could also see how she might ignore my texts after that as well... I doubt she would, but it's possible. He has no idea how horrible she feels and should talk to her about it, so they can move past a miscommunication that both had a hand in creating.
1. You are an idiot if you're in extreme pain & don't phone an ambulance. At best he can get a drunk girlfriend's opinion, what's his thinking if any?! 2. This is a stupid self-inflicted state of dependency on your partner. Up to about 2005 NOBODY would have their mobile with them in a dancing... I'm out = having a good time = don't ring me. The end. 3. Sure he'll break up over this, then when he's an adult around 27y old he'll realize that there was no reason to break up; they both were children making poor decisions. And obviously 4. 22y old and (demonstrably) stupid is not a state to get engaged let alone married.
I think there is a lot more to this story, starting with him being dishonest about either being fine with her clubbing or him not pulling pranks in the past. Look at his GF behavior after she gets home. Sees vomit everywhere (which supposedly she was mad about. But how does the OP know), stays 2 days straight in the hospital, takes good care of him. She doesn't sound like someone that would just block him unless he has tried to stop her from going in the past or pulled a prank. People don't normally block their SO unless there is a history of calling nonstop. His indignant response when questioned about just telling her his balls hurt show he is still mad. IMO he has phone bombed her in the past, this time he had a real issue but his past behavior backfired, and he is looking for some internet sympathy. He knows what people will say if he admits to bugging her when clubbing. I'd love to hear the other side to this.
I wonder whether there's some important backstory that's left out. Because if she responds like this, it sounds like she has a history of him (or an ex) constantly bombarding her phone whenever she is with her friends, which is a thing that controlling/abusive partners do, and that she decided to not put up with that any longer. Also, the "you need to come home urgently, my balls hurt" sounds like saying "I need sex, please come home", so if she has had an ex texting stuff like that, she might sincerely have thought that he was joking or that he was trying to get her to come home to have sex. You'd think she'd realize after him calling multiple times, but she was also clubbing so maybe kinda tipsy so maybe not thinking clearly enough.
Someone hvo collapses on the floor in intense pain, and immidiatly expect his gf to fix it for him, even tho she obviously isnt trained for it or even in communication with him about doing so is a known problem. I can also imagine the ribbing, deserved or not, that goes on between girlfriends on the town, about whos boyfriend is going to be the clingy one or try to ruin the night. Thats also nothing new. The commenter that picked up on the fact that op had let gf take care of him for days, while fuging inside and contemplating ending the relationship nailed it
Come on, if you were a 22yr old out in a club and your guy started texting saying "come home my balls hurt" would you really think it was a genuine medical emergency? And he said she rejected his calls but if she was out partying (college-age girls are allowed to party!) her phone was probably on silent which automatically rejected the call. The lesson here is that not everyone is ready for a serious committed relationship when they're barely out of their teens, and that's normal and healthy. He's not wrong to break up with her as he obviously wants a much more committed relationship with most people that age would, but she's not wrong either.
He literally said in one of the texts he needs to go to the hospital. How can you justify not answering after that? And she literally said she was gonna block him.
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It feels more like there's more to the story here than OP is letting on. He says "I don't like her going clubbing" but it hasn't been an issue before. I highly, highly doubt that. He would be the a*****e if they have had issues in the past and then he didn't address them and instead mislead everyone in his post to believe that she had no reason to ignore him. Maybe I'm wrong, but there are two sides to every story and we only have one here.
Let it go! It was a genuine mistake on her part and she's now feeling terrible about it. If dhe messaged you "My boobs hurt" when you were out having fun you'd see that as a joke, I'm sure.
Its funny, girls see trendy tik toks about fake emergencies to test their bf, but this one failed horibly on the real one. Hope OP gets new GF
Dunp her. Also she has a serious boyfriend so why was she out clubbing alone until she 3am? That is the behavior of a single woman. Don't date women who continue to go clubbing after you get serious. It's solely for male attention.
If your gf thought it was a joke after so many attempts to reach her, why is that.?
All these folks nitpicking about his text...I guess they missed the part where the pain was so intense that he was throwing up and he tried to call her but she hung up and blocked him. Blocking would have been the deal breaker.
I try not to pass any kind of judgement on anything or anyone ,I try to at least show everything and anyone little bit respect ..But ... Sorry man but your girlfriend sounds like a real D!CK .. If you love someone you don't f#cking just ignore or block or hit the f#ck you button on someone that you love... .I don't care where they're at or what they are doing you don't treat anything or anyone you Love like that ,especially when they are needing you..,..Get F#CKING REAL... Even if you have joked about it before don't mean sh!t,she would of known how serious the situation was if she would of answered the phone in the first place instead of texting... Good luck 🍀 man
I feel like there’s a pretty big chance of her being able to hear the ambulance if the club was only 5 minutes away
So she blocked him, got home at 3 am after he said he was going to the hospital, and when she got home she didn’t immediately rush there even though she could smell vomit and he told her he was going tot the hospital. GF is def f****d up.
I think he should forgive her. If my husband left me a message that his balls hurt, I would definitely think he was jokingly alluding to wanting nookie. Obviously, if she had thought he was serious, she would have come home. She did not stay at the club out of malice. I realize he was in no position to go into detail. So I'd chock it up to a bad misunderstanding, decide on a code word to indicate seriousness in the event of future emergencies, and do better moving forward. I do not think he should.break up with his gf over this. However, I also don't like the idea of marrying ones high-school sweetheart before doing some living and sowing some wild oats. So, for that reason, I'd say go for it. Break up with her. Allow you each to grow up and experience the world as autonomous individuals. Maybe one day you'll find your way back together, or maybe, just maybe you'll discover you're happier and more fulfilled being single or with someone else.
If you read the update it shows that he said he needed to go to the hospital, which should at the very least, warrant a phone call, not blocking him
Load More Replies... Don’t believe this for a second. If the gf is real and actually exists and was partying in a club more likely than not drinking alcohol why would the author of this piece of fiction tell the ambulance dispatcher he had someone to drive him to hospital? Also he supposedly woke up whilst still being stitched up following the medical procedure and was coherent enough to have a conversation with the dr, the whole thing sounds more like an episode of House or some other medical procedural light comedy tv show than real life. key part seemingly missed by many is that the gf apologised and spent 2 days at his bed side, people make mistakes it’s what they do after that counts
Text a person who is drinking and clubbing that your balls hurt and you want them to come home isn’t going to get them to take you seriously. She couldn’t drive you to the hospital anyway as she was drinking and clubbing. But it may be that you aren’t compatible as she wants to go out and you want to resent it.
NTA. I can understand having a good time at the club. I can even understand misinterpreting "my balls hurt." But blocking your SO's number and getting pìssed at finding vomit on the carpet and an unlocked front door? THEN doubling down on her stance in the hospital? What other proof did she need that something was wrong, a massive blood stain? GF KNOWS that she screwed up, and a warehouse of apologies won't come close to compensating. OP should take a three-month breather from this relationship to give himself time to process what happened. Also, to see what develops in that time--the longing, indifference, or anger. Five years may be a long time, but GF may have traded it all for the club.
He's a grown man, we (adults) all have to learn how to handle our own personal emergencies instead of expecting others to be responsible for helping us. She's not his mother. Was she a jerk for not wanting to run to him and attend to his needs? Maybe. Was he a jerk for expecting her to drop everything/everyone else, guilt her for not prioritizing what his expectations of being looked after are when he was fully capable of handling the situation himself? Also maybe. There is definitely more to this story though. He sounds more concerned about the fact that she was out at a club and not answering his repeated phone calls than he was about taking care of his own health emergency.
Are you f*****g stupid? Saying that he should be able to handle this on his own and she shouldn't have to help? She should want to help someone she loves when they are hurting that bad.
Load More Replies... Who actually blocks their significant other in what could be considered an otherwise normal experience. Anyone who blocks me should make it permanent as I'd nope my way right out of there.
Someone that had this done to them b4? Feels like there is more to this story then O.P. wants to tell.
Load More Replies... Story time! In the RAF and in the NZ military we have something called "no duff". It means "I am not joking and this isn't part of training- there is really a real emergency". So you might here "Fire! Fire! Fire! No duff! No duff!". If you need a phrase that means "this is real!" Please feel free to borrow"No duff". Duff comes from duff gen or bad information. The opposite of duff gen is pukka gen, but that fell out of use.
Gillbella, 'pukka' is still used in UK slang. It means 'excellent', 'cool', and comes from Hindi and Urdu "pakkā," which means "solid", "genuine", "first class".
Load More Replies... couple of texts maybe she could be forgiven for thinking he was kidding but after like the 2nd or 3rd call thats sort of a give away something is wrong
'Sort of'? It's a dead give away! I'm afraid OP cannot depend on his girlfriend in difficult situation.
Load More Replies... I don't care if someone I care about uses words like "my balls hurt" or "my boobs hurt" or "my patootie hurts" when they're texting me, if they're telling me they're in pain in that part of their body, I'm going home to check on them immediately. Part of caring about someone is trusting and believing them, and unless they have a history of texting you at random times and saying "lol my balls hurt, help"... why wouldn't you at least ANSWER the call? Then again, OP's gf is 22... the club is clearly more important to her than he is.
My balls hurt can very well be interpreted as I would like you to soothe them IYKWIM. I definitely would interpret it like that, especially when I'm out drinking.
Load More Replies... I'm in the middle on this. She acted like a jerk for sure like no doubt about it but his communication also sucked. Nothing he said demonstrated a sense of urgency. And his line of thinking makes no sense to me. They both need to grow up before even thinking about marriage.
What are you talking about? He called her multiple times and she kept declining! The man was vomiting in pain and you think he wasn't communicating properly? You have issues
Load More Replies... Update post here. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cf46si/update_wibta_for_dumping_my_girlfreind_after_she/
Oh good grief he sucks at story telling. That information should've been included in the original post and filled in a lot of gaps. She was still wrong but seeing how he actually communicated makes it easier to understand why he's so upset. She completely dropped the ball and I wouldn't blame him for ending it. Though they still need to grow up regardless of them being together or not
Load More Replies... I come from abig family and someone is always being born, getting into accidents and dying so I have never understood the humor of joking about being in the hospital. After certain times of night getting phone calls is nerve wracking. I would immediately check on the person.
If she had taken any one of the multiple calls, even if just to b*****k him, she would know he wasn't kidding. Instead she blocked him, and was also angry at vomit. She needs dumping.
When I'm sick or hurting, I want a medical professional, not a party girl. Both sound too immature to build a lasting marriage.
These people are wasting words from the dictionary & precious time. He didn't say he'll break up with her or mentioned this is a red flag for future reference if choose to propose. I cannot imagine her response if her children were in an emergency at school. Truly hope she learned a valuable lesson from this experience.
I thing the the "my balls hurt" set the tone for the rest of the interaction. Blocking you was bad enough but not taking care of you after she found out it was serious would do it for me.
And then the "I need to go to the hospital" should have undone that set tone for the rest of the interaction after.
Load More Replies... Nah, fk the girlfriend. It doesn't matter how he explained it, she showed no care for him whatsoever, not even enough to just pick up the phone after 3 calls. EVERYONE who isn't a narcissist would be concerned after that point and answer or check to make sure. Also this is such a double standard, if a woman was to say her vagina hurt, followed by call after call, after call, I have no doubt most dudes would rush home in concern. But because women don't understand how dangerous testicles are and how easily they can get hurt, they just brush it off as "he's making a joke because of the way he said it". Ladies, when you have that level of pain, the world goes white, and you are not thinking clearly, if you get hit there by someone else, you literally go primal for a second and want to murder that person. I figured out right away from begining of the story that it was testicular torsion because it's a serious fear for us guys that know about it.
We're not getting the whole story. I can't see this type of behavior suddenly and for the first time, just appearing in such a manner.
Can't believe that some people think this guy, who was probably in the worst pain of his life, should have been able to give a full description of his problem? She should've called him or gone home to him. I can't imagine being so dismissive of my boyfriend.
Sounds like two immature people who certainly aren't ready for marriage.
Seems genuinely remorseful. 5 years is not something to casually walk away from. I'd say sit down with your feelings for a couple weeks and consider it. Also talk it through, maybe get some individual and couple's counselling. That was a painful and traumatic experience and it takes a while for your brain to process the issue dispassionately.
1 dump the b***h 2 Men get your fricken self checked when you have a pain in the region. My partner lost a testical due to twist. Lucky he didn't lose it all.
Need the other side on this one. Texts to come home and the reason "my balls hurt" would easily be seen as taking the p**s, making a joke, or trying to get her to come home and take care of said balls. OP says they have never "played pranks" before but I doubt there hasn't been some kind of joking of this nature. Imagine the reverse and her texting him saying come home my vagina is aching. Also how dumb are people to not call an ambulance when something is clearly seriously wrong. Don't call a partner, mate, etc if you are crippled in pain almost passing out and vomiting. Call a f*****g ambulance the first time, let them call your emergency contact
If someone's partner says "I need to go to the hospital" there should be no further questions or complaints asked, or a the very least, a call to see what is going on, not "I will block you"
Load More Replies... Okay, I'm curious, why is he in the hospital for 2 days after? I had an ovarian torsion (with surgery) and went home in about 24 hours from stepping foot in the hospital (lol or first rolled in since I came in ambulance). Now, I completely understand the difference between an ovary and a testicle but I'm trying to understand why it would take 2 days in the hospital. Maybe a complication?
Perhaps the recovery takes longer, maybe it’s a bit more of a complicated surgery? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ never happened to me and personally I really really hope it stays that way
Load More Replies... I sort of did this to my fiance...I went out to dinner with a friend and did the "right" thing by putting my phone in my purse to talk with my friend uninterrupted. I felt the phone buzz a few times but didn't answer it. Afterwards found out he cut his hand pretty bad and needed stitches...
I am not usually a fan of "Well, we need more information." But we really do. I think NAH... I don't joke like that with my wife of 25 years, but if I texted her to come home because "my balls hurt", she would probably laugh and ignore me too. I can easily see how she would think it was some kind of weird, horny text. I could also see how she might ignore my texts after that as well... I doubt she would, but it's possible. He has no idea how horrible she feels and should talk to her about it, so they can move past a miscommunication that both had a hand in creating.
1. You are an idiot if you're in extreme pain & don't phone an ambulance. At best he can get a drunk girlfriend's opinion, what's his thinking if any?! 2. This is a stupid self-inflicted state of dependency on your partner. Up to about 2005 NOBODY would have their mobile with them in a dancing... I'm out = having a good time = don't ring me. The end. 3. Sure he'll break up over this, then when he's an adult around 27y old he'll realize that there was no reason to break up; they both were children making poor decisions. And obviously 4. 22y old and (demonstrably) stupid is not a state to get engaged let alone married.
I think there is a lot more to this story, starting with him being dishonest about either being fine with her clubbing or him not pulling pranks in the past. Look at his GF behavior after she gets home. Sees vomit everywhere (which supposedly she was mad about. But how does the OP know), stays 2 days straight in the hospital, takes good care of him. She doesn't sound like someone that would just block him unless he has tried to stop her from going in the past or pulled a prank. People don't normally block their SO unless there is a history of calling nonstop. His indignant response when questioned about just telling her his balls hurt show he is still mad. IMO he has phone bombed her in the past, this time he had a real issue but his past behavior backfired, and he is looking for some internet sympathy. He knows what people will say if he admits to bugging her when clubbing. I'd love to hear the other side to this.
I wonder whether there's some important backstory that's left out. Because if she responds like this, it sounds like she has a history of him (or an ex) constantly bombarding her phone whenever she is with her friends, which is a thing that controlling/abusive partners do, and that she decided to not put up with that any longer. Also, the "you need to come home urgently, my balls hurt" sounds like saying "I need sex, please come home", so if she has had an ex texting stuff like that, she might sincerely have thought that he was joking or that he was trying to get her to come home to have sex. You'd think she'd realize after him calling multiple times, but she was also clubbing so maybe kinda tipsy so maybe not thinking clearly enough.
Someone hvo collapses on the floor in intense pain, and immidiatly expect his gf to fix it for him, even tho she obviously isnt trained for it or even in communication with him about doing so is a known problem. I can also imagine the ribbing, deserved or not, that goes on between girlfriends on the town, about whos boyfriend is going to be the clingy one or try to ruin the night. Thats also nothing new. The commenter that picked up on the fact that op had let gf take care of him for days, while fuging inside and contemplating ending the relationship nailed it
Come on, if you were a 22yr old out in a club and your guy started texting saying "come home my balls hurt" would you really think it was a genuine medical emergency? And he said she rejected his calls but if she was out partying (college-age girls are allowed to party!) her phone was probably on silent which automatically rejected the call. The lesson here is that not everyone is ready for a serious committed relationship when they're barely out of their teens, and that's normal and healthy. He's not wrong to break up with her as he obviously wants a much more committed relationship with most people that age would, but she's not wrong either.
He literally said in one of the texts he needs to go to the hospital. How can you justify not answering after that? And she literally said she was gonna block him.
Load More Replies... It feels more like there's more to the story here than OP is letting on. He says "I don't like her going clubbing" but it hasn't been an issue before. I highly, highly doubt that. He would be the a*****e if they have had issues in the past and then he didn't address them and instead mislead everyone in his post to believe that she had no reason to ignore him. Maybe I'm wrong, but there are two sides to every story and we only have one here.
Let it go! It was a genuine mistake on her part and she's now feeling terrible about it. If dhe messaged you "My boobs hurt" when you were out having fun you'd see that as a joke, I'm sure.
Its funny, girls see trendy tik toks about fake emergencies to test their bf, but this one failed horibly on the real one. Hope OP gets new GF
Dunp her. Also she has a serious boyfriend so why was she out clubbing alone until she 3am? That is the behavior of a single woman. Don't date women who continue to go clubbing after you get serious. It's solely for male attention.
If your gf thought it was a joke after so many attempts to reach her, why is that.?
All these folks nitpicking about his text...I guess they missed the part where the pain was so intense that he was throwing up and he tried to call her but she hung up and blocked him. Blocking would have been the deal breaker.
I try not to pass any kind of judgement on anything or anyone ,I try to at least show everything and anyone little bit respect ..But ... Sorry man but your girlfriend sounds like a real D!CK .. If you love someone you don't f#cking just ignore or block or hit the f#ck you button on someone that you love... .I don't care where they're at or what they are doing you don't treat anything or anyone you Love like that ,especially when they are needing you..,..Get F#CKING REAL... Even if you have joked about it before don't mean sh!t,she would of known how serious the situation was if she would of answered the phone in the first place instead of texting... Good luck 🍀 man
I feel like there’s a pretty big chance of her being able to hear the ambulance if the club was only 5 minutes away
So she blocked him, got home at 3 am after he said he was going to the hospital, and when she got home she didn’t immediately rush there even though she could smell vomit and he told her he was going tot the hospital. GF is def f****d up.
I think he should forgive her. If my husband left me a message that his balls hurt, I would definitely think he was jokingly alluding to wanting nookie. Obviously, if she had thought he was serious, she would have come home. She did not stay at the club out of malice. I realize he was in no position to go into detail. So I'd chock it up to a bad misunderstanding, decide on a code word to indicate seriousness in the event of future emergencies, and do better moving forward. I do not think he should.break up with his gf over this. However, I also don't like the idea of marrying ones high-school sweetheart before doing some living and sowing some wild oats. So, for that reason, I'd say go for it. Break up with her. Allow you each to grow up and experience the world as autonomous individuals. Maybe one day you'll find your way back together, or maybe, just maybe you'll discover you're happier and more fulfilled being single or with someone else.
If you read the update it shows that he said he needed to go to the hospital, which should at the very least, warrant a phone call, not blocking him
Load More Replies... Don’t believe this for a second. If the gf is real and actually exists and was partying in a club more likely than not drinking alcohol why would the author of this piece of fiction tell the ambulance dispatcher he had someone to drive him to hospital? Also he supposedly woke up whilst still being stitched up following the medical procedure and was coherent enough to have a conversation with the dr, the whole thing sounds more like an episode of House or some other medical procedural light comedy tv show than real life. key part seemingly missed by many is that the gf apologised and spent 2 days at his bed side, people make mistakes it’s what they do after that counts
Text a person who is drinking and clubbing that your balls hurt and you want them to come home isn’t going to get them to take you seriously. She couldn’t drive you to the hospital anyway as she was drinking and clubbing. But it may be that you aren’t compatible as she wants to go out and you want to resent it.
NTA. I can understand having a good time at the club. I can even understand misinterpreting "my balls hurt." But blocking your SO's number and getting pìssed at finding vomit on the carpet and an unlocked front door? THEN doubling down on her stance in the hospital? What other proof did she need that something was wrong, a massive blood stain? GF KNOWS that she screwed up, and a warehouse of apologies won't come close to compensating. OP should take a three-month breather from this relationship to give himself time to process what happened. Also, to see what develops in that time--the longing, indifference, or anger. Five years may be a long time, but GF may have traded it all for the club.
He's a grown man, we (adults) all have to learn how to handle our own personal emergencies instead of expecting others to be responsible for helping us. She's not his mother. Was she a jerk for not wanting to run to him and attend to his needs? Maybe. Was he a jerk for expecting her to drop everything/everyone else, guilt her for not prioritizing what his expectations of being looked after are when he was fully capable of handling the situation himself? Also maybe. There is definitely more to this story though. He sounds more concerned about the fact that she was out at a club and not answering his repeated phone calls than he was about taking care of his own health emergency.
Are you f*****g stupid? Saying that he should be able to handle this on his own and she shouldn't have to help? She should want to help someone she loves when they are hurting that bad.
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