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They say Scotland is a land of immeasurable beauty, inspiring history, and immense wit. To get a glimpse of the first two, you can watch Braveheart. But to experience the third, you can simply go on Twitter (now X)—some people even say Scottish Twitter is arguably the nation’s finest export. We know you think it’s scotch, but scroll through this list, and then we’ll talk.
The subreddit named Scottish People Twitter has been making headlines online since its creation in 2015. It started by collecting tweets like “maw bought aldi shower gel that smells like fairy liquid so I’ve been cutting about all day smelling like a f**ing plate” and “Can live wi paying 5p for one but am sick of having to f**in light the beacons of Gondor to summon someone anytime I want a bag in Asda” and quickly grew into a 700K-member community, enjoying a good laugh when they see one.
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#1
Clever Cat
RELATED:
#2
We All Need A Little Confidence Boost
#3
Mask Up, Ya Bams
Dorothy Parker 4 years ago
Same maskless moron in the queue in the US, security guards often say naught!
Bored Panda spoke with Reddit user Veloglasgow, one of the moderators of r/ScottishPeopleTwitter, to get a better understanding of the content on the subreddit. “Scots generally have a dark, dry, and direct sense of humor,” they said. “Observational comedy where someone points out something that everyone accepts as day-to-day reality but which would be absurd to an outside observer also goes down well.”
#4
Our Currency Is The Best!
Becca Gizmo the Squirrel 4 years ago
How about trash pandas on the hundreds?? Their mask could be the 00 in 100.
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Night Owl 4 years ago
And they've got the unicorn as their national animal The-Unicor...988d3c.jpg 
AnimalsRuleHumansDrool 4 years ago
They thought unicorns were real and they found unicorn horns but they were just narwal horns.
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Peter Sibbald 4 years ago
Thar's lands neither Scotland noor States. I'm sittin' 'ere in Canada. Grantin' our national animal (the beaver) cannae measure up tae Scotland's unicorn, but wae sometimes put ours on our notes, alongside loons.
Vicki Doggurl 2 years ago
Kinda looks like the right one is stabbing the left one in its belly!
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
I love otters, I'm also of Scottish descent so that's probably where that comes from.
Julie Aaaa 3 years ago
What?! Every nation is better than the PATHETIC USA. Every other $ I've seen elsewhere is lovely.
Vladimíra Matejová 4 years ago
croatians also have animals and plants on their currency. check it. it is a briliant idea. better than presidents for sure 🙂🙃🙂
AnimalsRuleHumansDrool 4 years ago
American money looks all the same compared to Australian money
#6
What Freedom Is Aw Aboot
Veloglasgow said that posts where people are sarcastically replying to other tweets are probably most representative of real-world Scottish humor.
“Most posts that make it through the mod queue are representative. Any posts that use ‘fooken’ or ‘fecking’ for fu*ken/fu*king are generally removed as no Scot hears how we say those words as that way phonetically,” the moderator explained.
Examining the many social and cultural features of Scottish Twitter, journalist Eve Livingston said it has provided a medium for the written Scots language to evolve in a way that wasn’t possible before the advent of social media.
“Scots was the national language of a country that doesn’t exist anymore,” writer and presenter Alistair Heather, who writes a Scots column in Scotland’s The National newspaper, explained. “As Scotland was amalgamated into Great Britain, Scots fell away from being a national language because it didn’t have a nation anymore.”
Heather said that until relatively recently, Scottish opinion-formers in news and media were [mostly] based in England and not plugged into working-class or rural Scotland at all, so they didn’t see Scots language as a contemporary issue in Scotland.
“[But] it’s gaining a lot of legitimacy and validity through social media as a private expression [while] finding a public sphere.”
#10
What Windows?
#11
Xmas Miracle
#12
Wholesome
#13
Scottish Clothes Shops
#14
Expectations vs. Reality
#15
Quick Take On The Scottish Play
#19
Well That’s Us Screwed
#20
Life, Eh, Finds A Way
#21
Lightning Lizzie
#23
Good Tae Know
#24
Aye, Ye Pair Ay Bampots
#25
London 1993
#26
Our Government
#27
Yer Da Does The Washing
#28
Dilf Hunter
#30
Fair Enough
#31
Shavin A Tattie
#32
Very Fair Point
#33
Yer No Meant To Eat The Parts Separately
#34
Ye Nugget
#35
Maccies
Dorothy Parker 4 years ago
Absolutely! Abusive employer. Drives me crazy the few times I've gone inside a McDonald's.
#36
Da-Da-Da-Da!
#37
Goths Are A Dying Breed
#38
Ye Goin For A S***e Hen?
#39
Platinum Next X
#40
Pizza Time
#41
Mad Stoater
#42
Half Pizza Crunch Supper
Virgil Blue 4 years ago
It's from peering at the pre nuptial agreement hoping she can find a loopholexto escape.
#43
Intimate And Sacred
Sam T Godfrey 4 years ago
I wonder how that'll go over here in the US... It does occur when people disapprove or otherwise of the president...
#44
A Record To Be Proud Of
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
In Scotland are chips crisps or fries? Either way, I wonder if I’m in the top ten lol
#45
Vegan Scottish Cuisine
#46
We Love Arbroath
#47
On The Bus
Paizleypie 4 years ago
Seems like the Scottish throw the C-word around as much as Australians do.
#48
Absolute Fact
#49
Genitals!
elfin 4 years ago
She was trying to make a point and it wasn't about hatred. She had a very tough single motherhood early on and even considered suicide. I think she's correct that we need to pay more attention to women's issues overall (though not less attention to transgender). For me most of the hate came from people calling her a hater.
#50
And One For Yourself Bartender
We’ve had our share of laughs with these Scottish tweets, bringing a slice of Scotland humor straight to your screen. What’s next? It’s your turn to join the fun! Show some love to the tweets you loved the most, or swing by the comment section. Maybe you’ve stumbled upon some funny Scottish tweets (now posts) yourself. Time to share them with us!
#51
Ye Gotta Draw The Line Mumwhere
#52
At Least They Voted!
#53
Shame
#54
Absolutely Out Of It
#55
Uncle Dug
#57
Didnae Get Far Did Ye
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
I can totally relate to this. Drives right up your a**e even though you're doing the speed limit, first chance they get shoot past you, and there you both are waiting at the same set of lights two minutes later. I hope it's all worth the increased risk of a stressed induced stroke, getting in an accident, and a speeding ticket.
#58
Dexter The Dug
KombatBunni 4 years ago
Hahah space slice..I’m keeping that one for the next person that annoys me :)
#60
In Case Someone Forgot This Masterpiece
Victor Botha 4 years ago
🤣🤣🤣 that is hysterical. Friend had an argument with some Snobby French twat and told him to "Fuckez Vous" I was in stitches.
#61
Dont Want To Piss Off The Scottish
#62
Glasgoths
#66
Double Scottish
Marcia Cash 4 years ago
I have a thick Texas drawl, but going to Catholic school taught me a passable Irish accent that has fooled Dubliners more than once. Funny, people treat me like an ignorant hick when I speak Texan, but respect me when I fake Irish.
#67
Speeding Ostrich
#71
Aye Just A Wee Side Note
#72
Best. Dad. Ever
#73
Local Bouncer / Door Steward In Ma Town Making The Best Of A Bad Situation By Providing The Giggles
#74
These Flowers Are A Mystery
#75
Aye
#79
Something Not Right About That Soap
Pungent Sauce 4 years ago
As a North American, I’ve never heard soap being called a ‘tablet’, hotels don’t put soap on the beds, and when in doubt ya read the fookin’ ingredient list, eh?
#80
All Those Hypotheticals
#81
Birds Could Prolly Swim In Lava And Be Fine
#85
Sair Heid?
#86
Just To Be Safe...
Mimi777 4 years ago
I had a couple little homemade soap samples by the sink in our bathroom one day my boyfriend took a bite out of BOTH of them. Idk why he didn’t stop after the first one but he told me that chocolate tasted horrible and I told him it was soap.. and why would I have chocolate in the bathroom.
#89
Screw The Tories
#90
Clean Up On Aisle 4
#94
Proud As Punch
#96
Cheers Gran
#97
Being A Dad Has Its Perks
#100
10/10
#101
A Massive Lad
CrunChewy McSandybutt 4 years ago (edited)
Update: I did some research and finally found that this is hotelier David Morgan-Hewitt next to the queen. Also, this is where the "absolute unit" meme was born.
#102
Big Note
#103
Where Are You From?
#105
Suns Oot Mirrors Oot
#111
Another Breed Of Spastic
Jennifer Potter 3 years ago
I laughed so hard 'cause I can see my younger self doing this 😂😂😂😂
#112
I Think Frankie’s Onto Something
Giles McArdell 4 years ago
My Kid > Dad, what was it like in the war? Me> I was born 20 years after the war. My Kid> Oh, what about the second world war then?
#115
Coronavirus Arrives In Scotland
#117
Brick That Thing
#118
Absolute Unit
#120
Outstanding Patter
#121
Oompa Loompa, Do-Ba-Dee-Doo
#123
Scottish Schools Are Where Girls Get Pregnant And Where Boys Go To Sell Drugs (I Should Know I Went To Armadale Academy)
#124
It Honestly Is Ridiculous How Long They Left
#126
The Rare, Understandable Scottish Men
pusheen buttercup 4 years ago
Doctors once called my dad and said his dad had a stroke and his speech was damaged. He got off the phone with him and said he's fine, he's just Scottish you idiots! True story.
#128
Wouldn't Expect Any Less From A Soulless Ginger
Jennifer Crompton 4 years ago
Aren't gingers fairly common in Scotland? Why would a little kid be surprised to see one?
#132
Security To Get A Munch
#133
Smirnoff Ice
Pungent Sauce 4 years ago
Smirnoff Ice’s all but vanished in the States, and now seltzer’s are everywhere. An idea before it’s time it seems.
#137
Life Must Be Good Being A Dug
#140
Too Wee, Too Poor, Too Stupid
Wandaluzt 4 years ago
It doesn't tax spare bedrooms to raise money. They tax spare council home bedrooms to encourage people who live alone in big 3 4 or 5 bedroom social (as in tax payer funded) houses to swap to a smaller home so that families who need the bigger houses can have them. More BS misinformation.
#142
Guys Dont Use Tinder It's Crap
#144
Happy Birthday To Big J
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What do you think ?
Dennis Stanley 4 years ago
If I ever make it to Scotland I need to remember c*nt is is a term of endearment
Barry Neeson 4 years ago
Steady there fella, you cannae just go around spouting C*nt. If you call some c*nt the wrong type of c*nt you may end up getting your c*nt kicked in
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giovanna 4 years ago
Gosh I have a C2 level in English and I DON'T UNDERSTAND SCOTTISH EVEN WHEN IT'S WRITTEN DOWN lol
Fiona Messenger 4 years ago
It's meant to get slightly less funny as you go down the list due to the voting. It doesn't. All of them made me laugh, and some of them I nearly stopped breathing. I love you guys.
Consequential_mishaps 4 years ago
Words can't describe how much I love Scotland and Scottish people. I wish I could upvote this more times. Even them swearing is like a sweet song to my ears.
Kenny Kulbiski 4 years ago
Enjoyed these but the f*****g c***s that submitted them should have included f*****g subtitles on some of them.
KombatBunni 4 years ago
Is it weird that I’m not Scottish and yet understood most of these? Then again I once dated a Scottish lad, and once went out drinking with a group of Scots, so maybe I absorbed it by association or something? Or it’s just a quirk..who knows? Funny as hell though
Shelley DuVal 2 years ago
I am partially deaf and had a lot of trouble understanding the Scottish accent :)~
Joi Da Kat 2 years ago
Did anyone else read this in their head in a super thick Scottish accent? Like I'm American but d*mn this was coming in thickkkkkk
Dennis Stanley 4 years ago
If I ever make it to Scotland I need to remember c*nt is is a term of endearment
Barry Neeson 4 years ago
Steady there fella, you cannae just go around spouting C*nt. If you call some c*nt the wrong type of c*nt you may end up getting your c*nt kicked in
Load More Replies... giovanna 4 years ago
Gosh I have a C2 level in English and I DON'T UNDERSTAND SCOTTISH EVEN WHEN IT'S WRITTEN DOWN lol
Fiona Messenger 4 years ago
It's meant to get slightly less funny as you go down the list due to the voting. It doesn't. All of them made me laugh, and some of them I nearly stopped breathing. I love you guys.
Consequential_mishaps 4 years ago
Words can't describe how much I love Scotland and Scottish people. I wish I could upvote this more times. Even them swearing is like a sweet song to my ears.
Kenny Kulbiski 4 years ago
Enjoyed these but the f*****g c***s that submitted them should have included f*****g subtitles on some of them.
KombatBunni 4 years ago
Is it weird that I’m not Scottish and yet understood most of these? Then again I once dated a Scottish lad, and once went out drinking with a group of Scots, so maybe I absorbed it by association or something? Or it’s just a quirk..who knows? Funny as hell though
Shelley DuVal 2 years ago
I am partially deaf and had a lot of trouble understanding the Scottish accent :)~
Joi Da Kat 2 years ago
Did anyone else read this in their head in a super thick Scottish accent? Like I'm American but d*mn this was coming in thickkkkkk
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