40 Spot-On Tweets About Marriage That Sum Up What It’s All About (New Pics)

Probably why she didn't load it right.

Priorities

Fair enough

This is a good strategy

LOL

It’s not a good idea to make your spouse feel like there’s an analogous relationship between having sex with you, and doing chores.

It's a dad's spidey sense

Wait for it. Eventually, someone will come along and tell us all how, we too, can work from home and make trillions of dollars online.

French fries, a steak and 2 bottles of red wine sounds good for dinner.

He's a Keeper!

Thing is we’re all picky eaters, we just notice it more in others than we do ourselves. We all have certain preferences. Not just ourselves, but all of the animal kingdom; my cat will only eat one specific brand of dry food, give her anything else and it will go uneaten.

Nothing worse than having extra pieces of junk added to your junk. Suddenly you've lost control of your junk and you have no idea what's in there anymore.

Is it that cool? Is that something married people do?

That is a skill indeed. ;oP

Well, write them on the list then!

Hard work is it's own reward

Smart woman

Was he a whippet?

This is why they have pizzerias...

Mount Trashmore

My wife bought new net curtains, they’re nice but the drop is too long in the living room and dining room. You know what? I used to take copious amounts of drugs, sleep behind a supermarket and wake up just in time to go to work, go travelling abroad sometimes without any luggage whatever, oh the list of poor and naive choices goes on and on. But at least I now have nice new net curtains.

That’s my dad he orders so much stuff online

Ok. Looks like they are on a roll with this one

*laughs evily*

Seems fair

This is what burst mode is for

I feel you

An old Italian woman once told me the secret to a successful marriage is finding someone you can put up with who is willing to put up with you.

Any man that believes women are "the weaker sex" has never tried to reclaim his half of the blankets on a cold winter's night.

That would be me!

His underwear?

I routinely wonder if it's okay to go get the mail in boxers. Some look an awful lot like shorts. Will the neighbors notice? Will they care? Will I care?

The OP had a cute, funny story to share. Just enjoy it, laugh, and move on. Why do some folks seem to care what genitalia someone has in their underwear? That has no bearing on the post.

When my mom was too poor to buy me a swim suit, so she took a pair of my boxers and sewed the front flap shut. Those were my trunks for about 6 months. Nobody ever said anything. The 'trunks' covered everything and worked just fine.

@Ian Kelly, Please don't assume it is a female. Although they could have female pronouns, looking at their profile pic I feel it is most likely they are a person with a penis.

I once almost went to the park in my underwear before realising what I was about to do

Whatever works

Thong?

I feel like more information should be provided here. Were they a pair of 'shorts' she bought or were they a pair of shorts she found lying around the house & decided to go jogging in them?

I lost a few pounds and my light weight slacks looked a little baggy to me. I asked my daughter if they looked like clown pants. She said "no, but you can see your underwear through them". I had been wearing them to work for several months. Sigh.

I have a pair of bike shorts that are actually meant to be worn as a pad inside of regular shorts, I wear them as regular bike shorts all the time, no one can tell the difference, so I figure it doesn't matter.

Her French Fries are just your French Fries on the wrong plate.

Hi Honey, I got the store brand of toothpaste and saved twenty cents! (Crickets.)

Ouroboros.

I message evil faces to that question, and my husband messages back, ok the ice machine is on. He's a keeper

But you appreciate it when she produces something you need at the the time from said purse.

Ah but it is 5:00 somewhere

I dare you to say the same to her. Experience: been with wife for 26 years. Trust me on this.

I used to set the alarm by snoozes, at least five presses before getting up.

Alexa, execute order 66

That's only foreplay?

Go Aquaman, go!

As he was writing it down on the calendar.

That made me the big spoon. I'm the woman. I'm supposed to be the little spoon.

Oooh! Nice attempted recovery 6.5/10