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There are plenty of joke categories, but none other gets as much attention as the bad joke category. The stuff that is so bad that it becomes belly-achingly hilarious has been known since the dawn of Earth. It has relentlessly followed humanity throughout its stages of development.
While in the prehistoric ages, people might have laughed at ‘ooga booga,’ as early as the Middle Ages, it was common to laugh at depictions of knights fighting snails.
This was probably considered the lamest joke ever, but even after eons have passed, we still find it so bad that it’s funny. And while most of these bad jokes now come in the visual form of memes, the written word still prevails, and we have proof of it - this thorough list of funny bad jokes!
To make it even, we’ve discovered that plenty of sub-categories fall under the umbrella of bad jokes. There, of course, are some lame puns in here and, needless to say, quite a few dad jokes. And with such an array of categories, the topics are practically inexhaustible.
So, from fishing matters to teachers and from kids to horses, there indeed is a joke for you, me, and all the rest of the gang. All that’s left to do here is to check out the lame jokes and see which ones you find the greatest.
Once the winners are discerned, be sure to vote for them so they can live on forever in the Universe of the Internet. Also, don’t forget to share these silly jokes with those around you; you might make their day so much brighter!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Bad Jokes That’ll Make You Laugh, Then Regret Everything
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
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#2
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Jo Johannsen 3 years ago
I think it's uplifting to be able to discuss my breast reduction openly among my friends.
Brat hard 3 years ago
I presume after that a huge weight is off your shoulders
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R. U. Sirius 3 years ago
Why is my first thought upon reading this about eyebrow transplants being a thing now? I'm not sure if I should be upset about this and/or if it says something about me even.... :/
#3
I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal. Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.
Robert T 3 years ago
Much like the menswear department - why can't we swear in other departments, like homeware?
LazyKitten 2 years ago (edited)
The joke is that they separated it into mans laughter instead of man slaughter. Edit: it also took me a second to see it too...
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#4
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
R. U. Sirius 3 years ago (edited)
Well at least he didn't take the lion to a movie theater in Baltimore. That's illegal y'know. And two wrongs don't make a right. Two wrongs DO make for a longer prison sentence however.
#5
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? Oops!
#6
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
#7
What concert costs only 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickelback.
R. U. Sirius 3 years ago
I'd just keep my 45 cents tbh. I like those genres of music btw, just not those particular artists.... :x
#8
What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!
Scagsy 3 years ago
...and the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison? You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo.
existn't 3 years ago
what the same between a pack of gum and gun? pull one out and everyone is your friend
Load More Replies... R. U. Sirius 3 years ago
Puns. For this sin the perpetrator must suffer. And that, my child, is why we eat their wings. 🤗
#9
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!
XenoMurph 3 years ago
That's not true, I had to queue for nearly an hour to get into church the other day.
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Devil's Advocate 3 years ago
Where does it say pounds are mass? Besides, on planet earth, pounds and kilograms can be easily converted in the same way that kilograms and Newton's can be because there's a set formula
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Porpoisepower 3 years ago
Especially since pounds are a unit of weight while kilograms are a unit of mass. (Weight refers to the net force of gravity on mass). You still have mass even though you might be weightless sure to bring in our space or dinner other reason.
Robert T 3 years ago
That's why the British used stone for a person's weight rather than pounds ;-)
Load More Replies... #10
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
#11
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.
Norah Reilly 3 years ago
Are you gonna tell me that you don't do it? And you're not even a snowman!
Load More Replies... #12
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
#13
Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.
R. U. Sirius 3 years ago
Guess I should be more merciful to spiders then, huh? Probably a lot of them are panicking over debilitating and/or possibly fatal disorders/illnesses they think they have but most likely don't.
#14
A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange." So I replied, "No it doesn't."
xXbluthsbannanastandXx 3 years ago
Actually there is a rare fungus called sporange that rhymes with it
Mel 3 years ago
My interpretation is, he is saying that the word "nothing" rhymes with orange, and the reply was "the word nothing doesn't rhyme with orange"
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Good girl wanna be. 3 years ago
Hold up sorry, it just got here! But I had to read it like 10 times.
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#15
I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
#16
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. But it's only mild.
johnny knight 3 years ago
My grandpa has an addiction to viagra, my grandmas taking it pretty hard.
#17
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
SoozeeQ 3 years ago
I know this is awful, but I couldn't resist! (I'll see myself out). web_photo_...1el0-1.jpg 
Archer Harris 3 years ago
I need some unsee juice. That will be in my nightmares tonight.
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#18
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but then I turned myself around.
MysticMerman 3 years ago
I like this version best: "I had to check into the Hoke Poke clinic, but I turned myself around! 😄
#19
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
Sportsgal 3 years ago
Hollandaise is the sauce on eggs Benedict and it sounds like holidays!
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#20
I'm really excited for the next autopsy club. It's open Mike night!
R. U. Sirius 3 years ago
Hmm. I wonder that's so special about Mike that makes slicing and dicing him so exciting anyway? Was he a certain uh magical "exotic dancer" or something?
#21
Cringe-Worthy Bad Jokes That Deserve A Round Of Applause
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
johnny knight 3 years ago
Doctor: Sorry for the wait Me: Its ok, I’ve always been on the heavier side.
That nerd Zoe 3 years ago
It hurts when I touch my head, arm, and leg! You have a broken finger.
#22
There are three types of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can’t.
John Dwyer 3 years ago
there are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't
MacFrog 3 years ago
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand ternary, those who don't and those who mistake it for binary.
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ThEboRedEsTpANdA 3 years ago
Or: there are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't (10 is binary for 2)
#23
Three fish are in a tank. One asks the others, "How do you drive this thing?"
#24
What did the drummer call his two twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two.
#25
I'm not a big fan of stairs. They're always up to something.
#26
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
#27
Fun fact: Australia's biggest export is boomerangs. It's also their biggest import.
#28
What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung? The guardians of the Galaxy.
#29
A communist joke isn't funny unless everyone gets it.
#30
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, you want to see how far I can kick this bucket?"
#31
Bad Jokes So Awful, They’re Actually Brilliant
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.
#32
My dad's answer to everything is alcohol. He doesn't drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles.
R. U. Sirius 3 years ago
I'm an idiot. For a minute I thought that rubbing alcohol was a potential DIY ink remover or something. Smh... Time to hit the sack now perhaps?
#33
What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but its flag is a big plus!
#34
A cowherd counted 48 cows on his property. But when he rounded them up, he had 50.
#35
A chicken coup only has two doors. If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
#36
This sweet ride has four wheels and flies. It's a garbage truck.
R. U. Sirius 3 years ago
Ah yes. Nothing like that sickeningly sweet smell of rotting organic material.
#37
What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
#38
Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies.
Jo Johannsen 3 years ago (edited)
Why do elephants wear tennies? Because ninies are too small and elevenies are too large.
David Martin 3 years ago
Where does a pirate captain keep his buccaneers? Under his buccin' hat
#40
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.
Marybeth Martens 3 years ago
Want to hear the joke about the roof never mind it would probably go over your head
#41
The Best Of The Worst: Bad Jokes That Hit Just Right
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
#42
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
Vic 3 years ago
Sometimes I go out with Florence, sometimes I go out with Florentina.. thats how I go with the Flo..
Load More Replies... #43
What do you call an empty can of Cheese Whiz? Cheese Was.
R. U. Sirius 3 years ago
I counter your Cheese Was with Cheese Why (it's not even real cheese! It's Chemical Whiz!)
#44
What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
#45
What does a zombie vegetarian eat? Graaaaaaaains!
#46
I like to spend every day as if it's my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
#47
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him. “Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out. The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
Space whale 3 years ago
I was told this joke once but I t took so long for the person to get it out that the joke lost all it's comedic affect
Good girl wanna be. 3 years ago
I had a friend who could ruin every joke he ever tried to repeat.
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thatmagicgaychick 3 years ago
A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type O."
#49
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
#50
I sold my vacuum the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.
#51
Bad Jokes That Are So Dumb, They’re Genius
Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said, “Wow, it’s pretty hot in here.” The other one shouted, “Wow, a talking muffin!”
#52
It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
John Dwyer 3 years ago
A 'faux pas' is pronounced 'fo pa' and is a French phrase meaning inappropriate remark or action. Faux pas is a phrase the whole world knows - apart from you. The word 'faux' is French for 'false' so the joke revolves around false dad joke and faux pas.
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Tuna Fish 3 years ago
Pa mean dad in English and many other languages. So faux pa = false father.
Load More Replies... #53
My daughter thinks I don't give her enough privacy. At least that's what she wrote in her diary.
#54
When is your door not actually a door? When it's ajar.
#55
What do you call a magician dog? A labracadabrador.
#56
I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.
#58
The wedding was so beautiful. Even the cake was in tiers.
#59
My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also terrible.
#60
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it’d be a foot.
#61
Eye-Rolling Bad Jokes You’ll Secretly Love
Why can't you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
#62
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
Ricky Moore 3 years ago
What do you call a man with a rubber toe who's just lost his car??.....Roberto Carlos....
#64
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
#65
Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting c– MOO!
#66
You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
#69
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
#70
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
#71
Painfully Punny Bad Jokes To Annoy Your Friends
What do you call HIJKLMNO? H20!
#72
What's green, fuzzy, and would hurt if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.
thatmagicgaychick 3 years ago
weirdly specific, are you often attacked by furbies?
Load More Replies... #75
There's no hole in your shoe? Then how'd you get your foot in it?
#76
Wait, you don't want to hear a joke about potassium? K.
#77
What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment.
#78
What is Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.
#80
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they're bagels!
Space whale 3 years ago
... for cream cheese and seagulls l. Something must have got lost in translation because I'm really craving them hulls. /J
Load More Replies... #81
Bad Jokes That Should Be Illegal (But Aren’t)
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet!
#82
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Just follow the fresh prints!
#83
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Because he always gets a hole in one!
#89
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
#91
Bad Jokes You’ll Pretend To Hate But Keep Repeating
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew!
#93
A dyslexic man walks into a bra. Get it?
#101
Warning: These Bad Jokes May Cause Secondhand Embarrassment
I watched hockey before it was cool. They were basically swimming.
#102
Five guys walk into a bar. You think one of them would've seen it.
#111
What's the dumbest animal in the jungle? A polar bear!
#115
Why did the man get fired from his job at the calendar factory? He took a couple days off!
#124
I'm thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it's only holding me back.
SeaMonster 3 years ago
after the spine removal operation, the surgeon assured you, "i have your back"
#126
How does your feline shop? By reading a catalogue.
#131
What did Blackbeard say when he turned 80? Aye, matey.
Auntriarch 3 years ago
What do you call an inefficient and naughty matelot? Sailbad the Sinner
Load More Replies... #133
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
#139
I put my root beer into a square glass. Now it's just beer.
#140
I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.
#145
Who can jump higher than a house? Pretty much anyone.
#148
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? 10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.
#150
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob.
#151
What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
#153
What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!
#154
What's red and shaped like a bucket? A blue bucket painted red.
#155
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was too tired.
#157
Where did the king keep his armies? Up his sleevies.
#161
What do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
#162
What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt.
#163
What don't ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.
#164
Why are social media influencers afraid when they go to the woods alone at night? They're constantly being followed.
#165
Sunny-side up, scrambled, or an omelet? It doesn't matter. They're all eggcellent.
#167
What did the finger say to the thumb? I'm in glove with you.
#168
What’s the difference between a rabbit and a plum? They’re both purple except for the rabbit.
#170
Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
JustAnother Soul 3 years ago
The bar they walked into was an iron rod suspended horizontally, not a pub.
Load More Replies... #175
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.
#177
Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow? It's making headlines.
#179
When the two rabbit ears got married, it was a nice ceremony. But the reception was amazing.
Scagsy 3 years ago
I'm flummoxed. I've heard the same joke but instead of rabbit ears, it's aerials. Is that the same thing?
Load More Replies... #183
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta-way.
#184
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For drizzle.
#186
Do you use your right hand to stir your coffee? I use a spoon.
Tiny Dynamine 3 years ago
Which hand do you wipe your bum with? Don't you use paper? (I remember this from school.)
#189
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
#198
My boss just texted me, “Send me one of your funny jokes!”
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