30 Tweets That Have No Business Being So Funny (August Edition)

Yes!!! This!!

Positive reinforcement.

But I really want one of those now, and I was sitting here quite contentedly before.... 🙂‍↕️

Hey, I've been workin' this corner for over 25 years. Go find someone else to peddle this line to.

Wouldn't need to get a present for myself, as my wife's parents "adopted" me as one of their own clan, and often give me presents!

My Mom went to college with Bruce Lee, doesn't mean I can do martial arts.

Why people refer they know CEO? Like he's gonna do ef all, what do you expect, have him to bring your luggage from undercarriage to cabin or what?

Flight attendant...

Yeah and? Hey, one of my uncles was the owner of a big manufacturer of nuts and bolts factory, doesn't mean I get any discount when I buy them from a DIY store! 😄

Yup. If I find something I like, I'll immediately buy 3 or 4 (if I have the money) because of this.

If the shoe fits ... buy it in every color, because it will be discontinued in a month or two.

I have that problem with my favourite jeans. So annoying, esp when your short and fat like me.

THIS is why we *NEED* Star Trek Replicators! When you find something you really like, record it as a replicator pattern!

I bought the most comfortable pair of shorts ever last summer. Went back the next day and cleaned out the store of the shorts in my size. I have learned.

"It came out really ugly, do you still want it" is exactly what the midwife said to my mother after delivering me!

I've never seen a turtle bun before. I always thought they just wore their hair down. He's so cute! I want one!

I LOVE HIM

Great A'Chewin'

I can't eat things that look cute. No Goldfish crackers, no Koala Yummies, certainly not THESE!

"Do you think that´s appropriate?" " Very much so!"

Exactly! People seems not to see a difference.

-and he answered, he owned up to it.

That is a redundant question. Because, if he / she is dumb, how would they know?

Fair

That looks intentional. How could it be anything else?

Everybody's got a water buffalo...

MOO. (Or whatever noise they make.)🐃

now I have to go look at my dentists light.

Always good to have something to smile about in the dentist s office.

I mean.... this is a valid photo per their request.

I once called the phone company, from my dad's house, because my landline was down. He told me that I needed to call from my home phone. I told him, "think about that for a moment!"

Perfect

Just happened to me with Temu. How do I take a photo of non working earbuds?

I never once have had amazon ask me for a Pic for a return you pick what you want to return., why you want to return, and how you would like to return it

Yeah, that's terrifying.

One of Dr. Seuss' grandkids made it.