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We've all had the days when the only thing that's on our mind is "fuck my life". Whether you spill a cup of coffee across your keyboard, leave the oven on when you go to work, or arrive home only to find that you've left your house keys at the office, we've all had those fuck life moments. One might say that it's the Murphy's Law in action, others blame the wrong faze of the Moon, but more often it's just the universe giving you a funny fuck life or, for shorter, FML story to tell.
While the page fmylife.com, from which these stories came, was started in 2008, it had reached its glory age in 2009 when their book was published. At the same time, they were catering the public with a couple of thousands of daily FML stories submissions.
However bad you think your life might be, chances are it's not nearly as bad as it is for these people. Take a look at our FML stories list below to see what we mean. The tragically funny anecdotes that come from fmylife.com serve to remind us that no matter how bad things get, they could always be worse...
More info: fmylife.com
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Άλκης Δ. 9 years ago
"Guy gets on the subway and dies. Think anybody'll notice?"--Vincent
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I use this account to say what I really think 9 years ago
I guess you could say, she was DEAD tired...
Angela Murphy 9 years ago
Why do people think he deserves it? He was nice enough to let a (seemingly) sleepy old lady nap (he thought) on his shoulder. How many people you think would do that? Seriously?
Georgia Stergiadis 9 years ago
That's actually sad. That would be very terrifying to go through. I hope that person is okay and got some help after that ordeal. R.I.P to that woman
Richard Petch 9 years ago
You should have felt happy for the old lady to die so peacefully next to you, she could have been screaming in agony, THAT, you would remember till YOUR dying day and be wondering the rest of your life if you will will die like she did or be screaming in agony.
Virginia Su 9 years ago
Why did people say they deserved it? They didn't do anything bad here, even called her a sweet lady.
John Breckenridge 4 years ago
Nothing happens to you you thought she was sleeping BUT SHE DIED be GREATFULL that you are still alive YOU GOTTA ADMIT It's kind of funny. Not her death just the whole like moment if realization. Priceless.
RELATED:
#2
Justyna 9 years ago
if he cheated on you, he has no right to take the ring. he gave it to you and you wanted to marry him. you should keep it. and maybe burn it or sell it.
over opinionated 9 years ago
Nobody called me and I was single... I watched home alone and went to bed at 9
Susanna Vesna 9 years ago
Well...Damn! Good riddance on fiance and so-called best friend! Hope Karma will get their a*s!
John Breckenridge 4 years ago
take comfort in the fact that his lieing cheering ass did not marry you. OH AND THEY GAVE YOU HONESTY FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. not a fun GIFT but a invaluable one also HAPPY BIRTH DAY you deserve better.
Carolina Wallace 6 years ago
F**k them then except ur dentist but its kinda the same with me except my bf and best friend
#3
Roselientje 9 years ago
Why didnt he only say that he was gay (that rimes haha), I think he is a a*****e for saying she looks like a man. That will be hard to get out of your head on a date.
Ruocha 9 years ago
A friend of mine actually made his girlfriend find out she was a lesbian after they were together for one week...
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John Breckenridge 4 years ago
At least in is LITERALLY NOT YOU it's him. I hope you happy times out the marriage lean on that as the situation involved you and your feelings in reality at some point and time he was just faking his life whereas YOU REMAINED%100 AUTHENTIC because you are THAT WOMAN.
#4
Yvonne Bernal 9 years ago
Poor Kayla, I hope she broke up with him before he had the chance to say anything to her.
Kayla Aurellia 9 years ago
And yes, if I were THAT Kayla, I would've broke up with that thing
Load More Replies... over opinionated 9 years ago
I'd find the other girl tell him he's in two relationships and we'd both kick his a*s for cheating on us with the other (if she didn't know I was alive I wouldn't be mad at her she didn't know)
Robert Morson 9 years ago
Wait, I'm confused. Is Kayla the OP, or some other, unknown girl? It's bad either way, just for different reasons.
#5
Andreas Danzer 9 years ago
Omg ... i have tears in my eyes!!!! That never happened - PLEASE tell me - that NEVER happened!!! Omg ... im laughing so hard!!!
Katinka Min 9 years ago
Not buying it. Not only do you need to pull fairly hard to get a tampon out but it cannot be too difficult to stop someone fingering around in your crotcharea in public!
Maria Stoyanova 9 years ago
Not so unbelievable. If the tampon is full it comes out quite easily. And the string is long enough to be visible out of bikini bottom. I believe it's possible
Load More Replies... Richard Petch 9 years ago
That would have cleared the swimming area of men for about two miles.
#6
Bun Bunny! 9 years ago
Well, he DID care! I mean, it may seem like something little, but this means that someone, somewhere, is there for you, right?
Amber Ridgdill 9 years ago
It's implied that they only cared because he missed he raid though :D
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Dessira Buchholz 9 years ago
I agree with bun! At least you guild leader cared about you. That is someone.
Mari Ordoñez 9 years ago
OMG that is so sweet, your life doesn't suck, you know that your guild leader is a great person!
#7
SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
Eww, I will NEVER be able to get that image out of my mind!!!!!!!!!
Hezeri Samsuri 9 years ago
I really wish I did not read this. Now I am imagining how the snot would have tasted. Argh. You ruined my breakfast.
Richard Petch 9 years ago
Did you spit it straight back into his face and then report him, why was he not wearing a mask ?, not a very hygienic dentist .
#8
.gas. 9 years ago
This is abuse. I have a friend who got accepted to several schools, but her parents threw out the letters from ones that were far away. Not sure how she found out, but they are not on speaking terms anymore. :-(
Jolijn Njamin-Geurts van Kessel 9 years ago
I just can't believe WHY you would this is as a parent! You're sabotaging your kids future...
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Indigo Shaw 9 years ago
I had something similar happen. I had earned a full ROTC scholarship, and the acceptance letter arrived at the house while I was in BCT. Instead of mailing me the letter and letting me figure things out with my drill sergeants, my parents threw it out, thinking since I was already in BCT that I didn't need the scholarship. I told them they just threw away a free ride to college and an officer's commission.
smash17 9 years ago
This is so sad. Did you contact the school and try to explain and get deferred to the next semester?
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Katinka Min 9 years ago
I think, I'd try and sue them for the money of the scholarship. Jesus Christ, what a betrayal!
#9
Saralovelypink 9 years ago
If she had a vibrator i don't think she would have used his toothbrush
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#10
seaufke 9 years ago
first time reading I thought this was between the dad and the roommate #brainfogisabitch
Ema Sklepic 9 years ago
hahahah xD awesome ;PPP well i hope your dad understood it was a joke xD
Diana Murtaugh 9 years ago
Surprises-played forward! I'm not sure, do you hug the roommate after that, strangle him, or plot your revenge?!
#11
Michelle Parent 9 years ago
This actually happened to my brother. He was adopted by his grandparents after my dad divorced his first wife (his mom). My mom's his second wife. He is still messed up about it decades later. This is a really bad idea. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR KIDS.
Esther Rico Argüello 9 years ago
I have a friend who has the same situation. .. She said she was too young and her mother decided to take care of the baby as her own ... and now the baby is 12 yrs old and she's 29. .. they act like siblings. It's a strange world we live in
Aegon VI Targaryen 9 years ago
this happened to the actor jack nicholson, he didnt learn that his sister was his mother till very late in life.
Bianka Nagy 9 years ago
I actually know someone who this happened to. Grew up thinking he had an older sister, but in reality it was his mum.
#12
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
Frankly, this is why there should be no bathroom laws. If you mostly match the sign on the door, go for it.
OdangaUsagi 9 years ago
If this happened to me I would stand up and yell, "OH YEAH? WELL, I'VE GOT A VAGINA!"
SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
I'm CANADIAN everyone btw. Omg I'm so so sorry if I hurt your feelings, sorry plz forgive me :sarcasm:
Rikke Chr. 9 years ago
Im not american, and I would have sued him aswell! - smacked him, then sued!
Dave Elswood 9 years ago
The USA is seriously screwed up, that would be against law to discriminate against someone in the UK, regardless if it was a mistake or not 😡
#13
#14
Amber Ridgdill 9 years ago
lol Take comfort in the fact that they won't be together much longer if she has to get confirmations like that HAHA
Susanna Vesna 9 years ago
Young people like that p**s me off! B***h, you will also get old one day!!!
Jeanne Deaux 8 years ago
Crysh her skull on the pavement and ask her boyfriend if she still loves her with the flat face.
#15
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
The only names to tattoo, parents, sibs and children. Maybe dead significant others.
Just Jess 6 years ago
No names. Get the words "Picture Frame", "Cellphone Cord", "Drain Tube" or all 3.
Load More Replies... Hans 9 years ago
Interesting enough that the share of people who sayd "deserved" is quite high here...
Robert Morson 9 years ago
Well, he deliberately timed it in an insulting manner, but she's the one who got a tattoo of his name. Has to be a little blame on her for being a dumbass.
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#16
SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
Kind of verbally abusive, even if it's just a "joke"
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yourgayaunt (they/she) 3 years ago
honestly that's not a fml moment that's just having a cool mom
John Breckenridge 4 years ago
Yea sounds like she would rather have you being with girls than f*****g your self.
#17
Hmwe Thinn 9 years ago
This makes no sense, no guy meets your parents and tell you they love you unless u r dating
#18
Yvonne Bernal 9 years ago
A double whammy. You're not only considered "not cute", but you're also NOT getting a date either!
Mimi Costelle 4 years ago
Naah she izz fake man sed dat, das meanz she lied to u nd ha frend she a fake frend forrreal
#19
#20
Andreas Danzer 9 years ago
Omg ... when parents think they are funny ... well... in this case ... i have to aggree! :D
#21
Chrissie Mörbe 9 years ago
I call b******t. The vet would have realized that it was the wrong cat.
Sabrina Veldhuizen 9 years ago
def. b******t. Beside was a stupid friend then if he was taking your cat and didnt even know which one had the tumor.
Heather 9 years ago
It does seem like a b******t story. I would've only trusted a close friend to take my sick pet to be put down & they would know which one was sick. Also, if my friend took my cat to his/her regular vet, I would hope he knew by the records which cat was ill. And you have to sign a consent form from the owner. The only possibility is if the friend took the cat to a different vet or an ER. No vet with morals would put down a healthy cat. A cat with a tumor would def show signs of illness.
yourgayaunt (they/she) 3 years ago (edited)
i'm calling b******t, even if the two cats looked similar, the vet would've realized the friend took the wrong one.
#22
#23
Katinka Min 9 years ago
Give her another 50+ years and she'll look back on this with real envy
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Secondchance music Chance 5 years ago
What's wrong with that. Without them doing that in the past. You wouldn't be here
#24
Agnes Ptak 9 years ago
I could relate. My older sister had a huge graduation party where she received over $2000 in cash as gifts. I got dinner at Bennigan's.
Maria Stoyanova 9 years ago
These parents suck. When you decide to create more than one kid, you must love them equally and treat them as equal
creamegg 9 years ago
I can relate. For my sister's 16th birthday she got a car and an new ipad. I,for my 16th, was gifted with a sleeping bag. It gets worse: a week or so later the sales started and my parents took the sleeping bag back to the shop for a refund and then bought the exact same one but on sale. #fuckmylife #fuckcamping
Diana Murtaugh 9 years ago
Not only are you NOT the favorite, but if that was the extent of your parental gifts- they're probably trying to get you out of their house.
Bianka Nagy 9 years ago
I once got a pair of meat flipper tongs and one of those little battery operated thingies that whisk milk for your coffee - for Christmas from my grandparents. I was 15. They got it for free at an event.
#25
Whydoyoucare? She/her cis/les 1 year ago
If she kept it it would have bad genes!
Load More Replies... #26
Bingyu Hu 3 years ago
my name u see is my chinese name my english name is fiona
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Zombie Gurl 9 years ago
Same thing occurred to me. Some crazy ex boyfriend of my sister's friend's mom vandalized my dad's car by mistake.
#27
Hazel McSweeney 3 years ago
I prefer cops. I've never had one lose the key to cuffs but my ex threw the key for my collar down the drain when he broke our contract. Cheated. I'm still close to his bf who had the same lock on his collar
#28
#29
#30
Silent Skeleton 9 years ago
sounds like something you'd say to your boyfriend ;o)
Load More Replies... Diana Murtaugh 9 years ago
It sounds like a good time to opt out. It' gonna hurt like a m**o, but...never mind, no buts- it's going to hurt. Best wishes on a speedy recovery.
#31
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
Here in US, a lot are starting way too young, easy porn, oblivious parents.....
Liz Miller 9 years ago
Good sex ed begins years begore the kids are (hormone fueled) teenagers. I like the system we have in The Netherlands.
Load More Replies... Jeanne Deaux 8 years ago
Well, you know, there is the bee and the flower and the bee puts its ... (sorry, I had to).
Load More Replies... Hazel McSweeney 3 years ago
How old is the daughter? If she's now adult shrug it off. If she's still 13 why would you have even answered the question?
#32
arianne 9 years ago
now i don't condone cheating but perhaps she should've clarified her statement about her ' cheating ' but then again there's no good way to find out about your bf/gf infidelity,
arianne 9 years ago
the guy is jerk anyways so she's better off without him!
Load More Replies... #33
Jennifer Gifford 9 years ago
I'd never speak to her again! She has no respect and no compassion whatsoever >: (
Melissa Boufford 9 years ago
Tell the POS that, no, it isn't up for grabs. You and your husband created/assembled this name for your daughter. She can create one of her own for Her daughter.
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
I hope she's just oblivious, and not simply uncaring. Tell her how you feel. She may actually be unaware.
Lilly Werekeitzen 9 years ago
She probably feels she's paying tribute to your little one, she just might not realize how hurtful that is...
#34
Katinka Min 9 years ago
If that story is true those parents are some real a******s. Who kills egg-laying hens?!?Especially without the owners permition?
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
I cry "fowl." Real farmers would know better than to slaughter laying hens.
Susanna Vesna 9 years ago
What the f**k!! Thought they'd have the decency to bring their OWN food to the table!
#35
Maria Stoyanova 9 years ago
Panic attacks are not a joke. But a lot of people don't understand they are not some fake overreaction of a spoiled person but a serious issue
McKinsey B 9 years ago
That sounds like something my mother would do lol. I can definitely relate.
Heather 9 years ago
I was just about to comment the same.Mine would tell me to stop crying.I live alone and suffer from anxiety&depression,she never calls.
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Jack Dorian myers 6 years ago
I literally want to f*****g murder your mom. This makes my blood boil
Grace Smith 7 years ago
Come with me I care even though I don’t know you panic attacks are horrible I had one once worst thing ever
Belle White 8 years ago
This is EXACTLY what my mom to me. She says I cry like that to get attention.
#36
SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
That creep! I'd say "soon your face will be bruised with my FIST"
Todd Rainer 9 years ago
isn't Starbuck's coffee normally unnaturally hot.... I see a solution right off.
Katrina Green 9 years ago
Ew if that happened to me I'd slap him and leave. That's really creepy
Maria Stoyanova 9 years ago
And why are there people "saying" she deserved it? How? By going out with people? The same goes with most of these stories
Leoninus Fate 8 years ago
well.... to be fair if my date said that I would have been turned on, but then again I'm a dirty bastard lol
#37
Márk Beregszászi 9 years ago
FML? Wow, you do not appreciate life treating you so well... You should be happy...
Michal Mánert 9 years ago
maybe she did not think of a future that far :P he would be able to provide like 5 years after getting the diploma ...
Petra Blaseotto 9 years ago
be happy to not stuck with somebody who wants to be financially provided! Bäh! Try to find a emancipated human-being!
Hazel McSweeney 3 years ago
You're better off without her. You deserve better than to be treated as a meal-ticket
#38
Lazy Panda 9 years ago
Happened to me once, I went to the store, brought my dog who brought her favourite stuffed dog, we left the stuffed dog in the car and when we came back I saw some dude smashing my window. I explained to him the dog was fake and he was really apologetic, he gave me all the money to have the window fixed too
Madel Gadrinab 8 years ago
well at least you didn't have to pay it yourself ^-^
Load More Replies... #39
Maria Stoyanova 9 years ago
Wait, "today" he bought tickets but yet "they are now back together"? Something's off with the timing
Lilly Werekeitzen 9 years ago
Best money spent! Better to know now than later when you would have lost more than money
#40
Ayushi Sharma 9 years ago
I had this too! Burglars broke in one night. They took with them a $250 flatscreen tv, a couple silver coins, and took away all the ice cream. My mom figured it about the ice cream only when she opened the freezer craving some ice cream. PS. They digged into some SriKhand too.
Dawn Frank 9 years ago
They could have disguised themselves as movers and put all the stuff in a moving van?
Load More Replies... HarleyQuinn 4 years ago
Why did so many people say u deserved it?!?! Do they know something we don't? It's like these people purposely try to be mean just to stand out
Panda Nation 8 years ago
See how do all these people know that you deserved it if probably all of then don't know you! LIke BOI!
#41
Susanna Vesna 9 years ago
What the hell is that supposed to mean?! Getting back with ex? Man, people suck!
#42
Katinka Min 9 years ago
That is the first post that has a lot more 'You deserved' comments than 'I agree, your life sucks' :-D
Jeanne Deaux 8 years ago
Sadly I have to agree with the 12444. You deserved it. Always take a day after writing a paper to read it with a fresh head and see if it's good to send or not.
Hazel McSweeney 3 years ago
OMG!! How many times did you proofread your resume? Obviously ZERO times
#43
#44
#45
Winter 9 years ago
Without letting on that you know about them, start "opening up" to her about how terrible your husband is, and some of the terrible things he does to you... Or, conversely, you could tell her about how your husband has been telling you all about this stupid woman who keeps sexting him, and how he's really not interested in her but just trying not to upset her, because he thinks she might be a stalker...
Lilly Werekeitzen 9 years ago
Let Karma take care of her; but your husband?! He took vows, he's a fraud and a coward...
#46
Whydoyoucare? She/her cis/les 1 year ago
Good point! I’m hoping that now. 😂
Load More Replies... Maria Stoyanova 9 years ago
What about other women with the same name? Why did she presume it was his sister?
Dawn Frank 9 years ago
They were robbing the place and Brittany was there so he screamed her name to tell her you we distracted so she can steal things, maybe? Lol
Hazel McSweeney 3 years ago
I've said Daddy many times. It does not mean I'm thinking of my father 🤮🤮
#47
Jeanne Deaux 8 years ago
Probably nothing, it's just a brain fart non educated by another brain fart.
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Destinee Ellis 8 years ago
WHAT THE HELL!? Wonder what their reactions would be if you said go f**k each other! Or better yet~! "Why do I need to f**k myself if You two are standing here in front of me?" That'll fix them up!
Hazel McSweeney 3 years ago
Something is wrong here. You need a license to drive a car yet anyone can have a kid.
Panda Nation 8 years ago
That mom should get the award for "Already f*****g up your child's life"
#48
Hans 9 years ago
If that really happened, some doctor should overthink her job choice.
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sajid khan 9 years ago
well,it was an undiscovered species...the doctor found it!!.....it was never seen before!
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#49
Nizha Ariotejo 9 years ago
You deserve it? Whats wrong with this ppl whose choosing it.nobody deserved it..
Ayushi Sharma 9 years ago
If it was turned to "I would have deserved it", non of these idiots would choose it, not even one.
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Lazy Panda 9 years ago
Who the f**k deserves that? What kind of idiot would tell someone they deserve that?
#50
Jessica Hobzek 9 years ago
If this is real, then maybe it's a good thing because it means getting to spend quality time together. Love not lust.
sajid khan 9 years ago
do u hav marathon sex???not the long one on the bed sex.....i meant,do u run a marathon and then hav sex???
#51
Lilly Werekeitzen 9 years ago
Sorry you had to see that, but on a lighter "note" they're still together!
#52
Fiona E. Ma 9 years ago
Omg, one of my sons said something similar when he was young. I had no idea what to say.
that dog lover 5 years ago
One of the kids in my grade is so dirty minded I hope I don’t see him in middle school
Carolina Wallace 6 years ago
oof already got a dirty minded son good luck when he in middle school they seem to lose stuff there
#53
#54
Maria Stoyanova 9 years ago
Yeah, something similar happened to me. Years ago I asked a "friend" to go talk with a boy I liked in order to "prepare" him for my "I like you" speech. Instead she secretly from me told him she liked him. They were together for a while and broke up but I never considered her a friend anymore
Susanna Vesna 9 years ago
Oh some people are like that- they see someone liking something or someone and they start wanting the same thing.
Load More Replies... Georgia Stergiadis 9 years ago
Similar thing happened to me. I was going out with this guy and one night I decided to bring a friend along with us. In the movie, they made out right in front of me and my "friend" denied that anything had happened. Yeah, I don't speak to that friend anymore. Not only will she make out with the guy that you're meant to be with, she will also cheat on her boyfriend and once the news comes out, she will deny that too!
#55
#56
Elena Mendiola Illescas 9 years ago
those cheaters don't know how to silence their phones??????
#57
Lazy Panda 9 years ago
One time my dog brought these thingies out of a bush outside, I said "drop it!" And she did, then I realized they were condoms, some used and some not used
Lilly Werekeitzen 9 years ago
At least she didn't lick your mouth like many people let their dogs do :O
#58
Linda Bekkemellem 9 years ago
My father named me after the first girl he had sex with. My mother agreed to it, because she once liked a horse with the same name..
Winter 9 years ago
If it's a nice name, so what? and why didn't you have any say in what she was named! You're her mother!
Melia Janssen 9 years ago
My friend did that too but she didn't know she named her daughter after a porn star - she just thought she was better than everyone else so her daughter deserved a special name. She could have at least googled the name first but her arrogance is her downfall. I say serve her right.
Anan Meem 9 years ago
What? Who googles baby names to see if they are porn star names as well? ._. She might have just thought it was a nice name.
Load More Replies... Flibberdejibbet 9 years ago
This happened to a friend of mine. The father of the baby suggested a name, the mother (my friend) liked it. What my friend didn't know was that the father and his mates thought it'd be hilarious to suggest the name of a famous porn star...
#59
Melia Janssen 9 years ago
Always listen to your family and friends about the people you date. They see things you're blind to only because you cannot be objective about the people you are in love with.
Anan Meem 9 years ago
Do not agree. Your family and friends can deliberately mislead you.
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Hazel McSweeney 3 years ago
Obviously you didn't know him very well and he felt he couldn't be honest with you...
HarleyQuinn 4 years ago
Charges you didn't know about...on ur wedding day...drunk...you've been warned....anyone else thinking what I'm thinking
Christina Chance Whitney 9 years ago
Usually the pastor/priest doesnt file the paperwork for a week or so in case of problems like this. Talk to them about it. Hiding something like this means there could well be worse.
#60
#61
#62
Maggie Grover Bacher 9 years ago
maybe she has been abused. don't take it personal. do everything you can to take care of her emotionally
Hazel McSweeney 3 years ago
Waiting till you're married is great in theory but real life is different. You might have different preferences or different libidos. I can't imagine even dating a guy who doesn't have my kink. Prob the reason all my dates are on Fetlife or similar 🤔
Carolina Wallace 6 years ago
she may have been sexully abused so dont push her to do it just help her out
Lazy Panda 9 years ago
She could have been previously raped and didn't tell you about it. Don't take it personally because it probably wasn't you, or else why would she have married you?
#63
Katinka Min 9 years ago
I don't think it's fake, but I'm sure the girl has no idea what a hooker is. Maybe she just liked the word.
Siddharth Rath 7 years ago
Guess she heard that word from somewhere......... Doesn't know what that means
#64
Jeanne Deaux 8 years ago
Take it one slap at a time. One very hard slap that makes them do a 180° on themselves.
Lilly Werekeitzen 9 years ago
I work with kids; I play with them a lot they do enjoy that, but I always teach them to be respectful
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
I would have such fun with this. Kid's love it when you're a kid with them.
Flo 9 years ago
Give them a nice sandwich with some very good mayonese. Ask them if they liked it. Then show them a jar full of cockroaches and let them know you have way more cockroaches where that came from. Unless they behave you will feed them cockroaches in their sandwiches and they will never be able to tell the difference. That will teach them a lesson.
#65
Lisa Kingsbury 9 years ago
Did he mean literal bottles? And does it have to be three-dimensional art? Can it be two-dimensional?
#66
#67
Linde Reitsma 9 years ago
How could you not know it was vinegar, you can smell that stuff from a very long distance
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Lilly Werekeitzen 9 years ago
Well you started your morning off right! Lean protein is the way to go :))
Hetal Vyas 9 years ago
I once took a big mouthful of what I thought was my apple juice, it was olive oil!!!
Lazy Panda 9 years ago
When I was 9 I took a big gulp of my grandpa's beer thinking it was my apple juice
Lazy Panda 9 years ago
When I was 10 I took a big gulp of my grandpas beer thinking it was my apple juice
#68
Nick H 8 years ago
I did the same thing. Typically, what people worry about the most in others is what they fear the most in themselves. They see an opportunity for a preemptive strike and for SOME REASON, they take it. Fear and mistrust can be crippling. Oh! BTdubbs, the girl I cheated on forgave me and after four years together, we're getting married. Cheers to the second chances!
#69
Jennifer Tait 9 years ago
Always always always ask a persons before listing them as a reference. Best of luck
Kathleen Ryan 9 years ago
You thought she liked you, she thinks you lack emotional intelligence...
Hannah Louise 5 years ago
If you couldn’t tell that she hated you, then she is correct that you lack emotional intelligence...
#70
Diany Aracely 9 years ago
It's funny how he's asking for it but if this were a girl everyone would be yelling rape!
ParticularlyGoodFinder 6 years ago
It's rape. When two people are having consensual sex, and one person prevents the other from stopping, it's not consensual anymore.
Marisa Marflak 8 years ago
Not using protection and expecting that everything will be fine is idiocy at its finest.
Hazel McSweeney 3 years ago
Don't believe a girl when she says she's on the pill, infertile etc. ALWAYS use a condom!!!
#71
Jeanne Deaux 8 years ago
Texting or searching for a cunnilingus video on internet to show you so you learn how to do it properly?
#72
Lyndsay Berry 9 years ago
Myspace was old in 2009, everybody had moved on to fb by then
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#74
Maggie Grover Bacher 9 years ago
have some fun with it and break up with him every day for the next week. come up with a new reason every day
Lilly Werekeitzen 9 years ago
Wow... How many time does he have to break up with you?! After the first time whatever happens you deserve it!
#75
Fiona E. Ma 9 years ago
I love your name!! I've always wanted to name my daughter Emily but I have 3 boys. Haha. And I love your doggy pic.
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Dawn Frank 9 years ago
It was his b day too, re read it!! They share a b day
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#77
Amy Weiss 9 years ago
Prove to him it does by giving him no orgasms. When he complains, explain that, well, his orgasms serve you no purpose.
Nina Amalie Haastrup Spindler 9 years ago
It's not true. The female orgasm pushes the sperm up, to help conceive. Apart from that it gives stress relief and a stronger sense of loving in the partnership. I would divorce him for ignorance.
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
That's not ignorance, that's complete selfishness
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#79
#80
#81
the derp king (Liam) 9 years ago
It just feels wrong to be rejected by your own dad
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#82
#83
#85
Virginia Su 9 years ago
I'm guessing it was a no, since the dessert was congratulations themed. And if she said yes, it wouldn't have been as much of an FML as if she said no.
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#86
#87
Chris Hardtke 9 years ago
That's why you put the bags in your car and take them to any store with a dumpster. Use your brain.
#88
#89
Chicky McChick 8 years ago
at my moms job there is a guy who gets paid about 3x as much as her to post on twitter. the boss gave him a raise to 'work harder' ?????
#90
Maggie Grover Bacher 9 years ago
it could be worse. she didn't ask how soon a paternity test could be done
#91
OdangaUsagi 9 years ago
Well, how do you expect to succeed if they don't give you the right tools to succeed?
#92
#93
#94
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What do you think ?
Amanda Panda 9 years ago
Okay, the one with the wrong cat being taken to the vet to put down ... that's f*cked up.
Lazy Panda 9 years ago
I don't think that was true, any competent vet would've realized they had the wrong cat, plus, if the tumour was so bad you'd be able to see it anyways
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Janice Foster 9 years ago
What's with the people who are voting "You deserve it"?! As if they could possibly have enough information about the OP to know what they deserve! Then again, what's with me bothering to think logical thoughts about something that is highly likely fake anyway?!
Jeanne Deaux 8 years ago
I was very shocked by those people too. Probably some ugly frustrated people living in their parents basement who feel like they are better than others hidden behind their screens. All those stories were seriously touching and clearly none of these people deserved what happened to them. It's so cruel to say that!
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ShadowShini Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ 9 years ago
The amount of 'You deserved it' was more surprising to me somehow....
Katinka Min 9 years ago
While I do believe some of these are made up there' plenty of vile behaviour to be horrified at. Especially the family stuff. Would a woman really name her child after the dead baby of her sister?!?! (And should such a sociopath really procreate??)
Andreas Danzer 9 years ago
I had some loud laughs here ... the tampon incidence made me gasp for air! Still ... some stories are just too awful to have laugh and some j6st have to be made up (hopefully).
Amanda Panda 9 years ago
Okay, the one with the wrong cat being taken to the vet to put down ... that's f*cked up.
Lazy Panda 9 years ago
I don't think that was true, any competent vet would've realized they had the wrong cat, plus, if the tumour was so bad you'd be able to see it anyways
Load More Replies... Janice Foster 9 years ago
What's with the people who are voting "You deserve it"?! As if they could possibly have enough information about the OP to know what they deserve! Then again, what's with me bothering to think logical thoughts about something that is highly likely fake anyway?!
Jeanne Deaux 8 years ago
I was very shocked by those people too. Probably some ugly frustrated people living in their parents basement who feel like they are better than others hidden behind their screens. All those stories were seriously touching and clearly none of these people deserved what happened to them. It's so cruel to say that!
Load More Replies... ShadowShini Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ 9 years ago
The amount of 'You deserved it' was more surprising to me somehow....
Katinka Min 9 years ago
While I do believe some of these are made up there' plenty of vile behaviour to be horrified at. Especially the family stuff. Would a woman really name her child after the dead baby of her sister?!?! (And should such a sociopath really procreate??)
Andreas Danzer 9 years ago
I had some loud laughs here ... the tampon incidence made me gasp for air! Still ... some stories are just too awful to have laugh and some j6st have to be made up (hopefully).
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