31 Things People Discovered Were Not OK In A Relationship Only After Dating Someone Else

I've been with my husband for 7 years, married for 2. He still asks my permission to hangout with his friends. I always tell him he does not need to ask me to let him go. While I do appreciate the sentiment, ya know in case we had plans he forgot about (which happens sometimes), but I feel terrible that his ex made him feel like he can't do anything without permission. He still thanks me profusely for "letting" him go, even after all this time.

Considering my mother treats me like this constantly and my ex started, I didn't notice when the abuse had officially started. My parents royally f****d me over, and I'm not even sure I'd be able to tell with a slap or punch if I was being abused in all honesty.

The constant need to keep tabs on each other is a sign of codependency or trust issues at best, or a toxic control freak at worst. Always a red flag.

Congratulations on finding you!

I hope you are now happy,sincerely x

If I get gayer when I drink, am I doing it wrong?

I'm glad you were able to figure yourself out, OP.

Feel like my old friend Courtney F. Would have wrote this!

my ex-wife and I would have an argument every other day that would lead to her not talking to me until I apologized (and assumed total fault) and a major argument at least every 10 days that would lead to her not talking to me until I apologized profusely and multiple times (again assuming total fault). One time I decided not to apologize (I was right dang it) and we went almost 3 weeks without talking. She just started talking to me as normal one day without ever acknowledging the disagreement or silence. I finally couldn't take it any more and divorced her (other reasons as well). I was so relieved to find out that was not normal in a relationship.

I was in the "perfect" relationship once but every argument we had he threatened to leave me. It took me YEARS to undo that way of thinking. I'm married now and sometimes when we argue I still find myself worrying that divorce is on the table. DIVORCE. Like, that's such a huge thing to do over spilled milk. I don't guess I ever really realized how bad that relationship messed me up.

Our youngest son's friends came to play at our house because my husband and I never argued. But they also didn't want to look our way when we smooch in the kitchen while making a meal. LOL. One boy actually asked our son what we were doing, as he'd never seen his parents kiss.

I remember at one point with my (now) wife, and said... "shouldn't we be fighting more"? I had thought that fights were how you grow, and how you know something is worth fighting for. I was wrong.

I'm still shocked that parents kiss and hug their kids on a daily basis. I never thought that they would do that. I never got that. I like it when parents do that. I like it when kids are loved and their parents showing them that! No. I do not have kids and I'm 50 now. I will not traumatize a young soul.

If I didn't ask to hang out with my ex we never hung out. My new boyfriend constantly asks when I'm available. It actually annoyed me at first because I thought "what's his game?" There is no game, he just likes to be around me.

Curly man shows how his brain explodes.gif

That's one rule we have in the house, between us and between the children. Once it's dealt with, we no longer talk about it. If it's a second or third offense, the past is still not brought up.

This is why parents shouldn't be afraid of getting divorces for the sake of their kids, because the kids will adopt those standards for their own relationships

Just. Don't. Put. Up. With. Someone's. Sh!t. Then comes happiness.

This is exactly how my father is towards me, just not as aggressive. I'm treated like a total idiot when something goes wrong, even if it's not something I did or it's a little thing. And being extremely weary of any niceties from anyone else has kept me from getting hurt really bad. I'll never be able to fully open up to anyone, and it makes me sick that I was raised in a household to doubt everything about myself and hate myself, and society just laughed at the sidelines.

That's one of the worst stories of abuse I ever heard, hours long lectures, that sounds terrible, and locking you up obviously.

But there's circumstances where you NEED that optimism to overcome the bad times! If things had to be great all the time, people wouldn't stay together once they have children, or one loses their job, or one has (mental) health issues! I WILL be happy again, but we need to work out some issues, and that's not unusual. The point is that WAITING gets you nowhere, working on yourselves and with each other can!

Love this! Huzzah.

The only thing I have to add is.. I sort of tell my husband this? He gets super stressed and plays his old relationship in his head n then he gets super irritable and will get upset at us for something thatvwe hadnt done n it takes the present time away from me n the kids amd only hurts himself n everyone else. I've suggested therapy but he won't. But he also doesn't want to keep doing that to us or himself either. Idk.

ah, the good old doing things separately, but together. one person reading while the other works on a craft, or one person gaming while the other person studies. It's great to be able to sit in a comfortable silence with your partner, a moment where you can turn off, relax, and just BE

We each have our own California king size beds in the same room and will never sleep with anyone else in my bed except ma puppy lol

Honestly I'm very cuddly but I wouldn't make anyone feel bad if they didn't want to cuddle if I shared a bed with someone

What ever makes you comfortable.

Wait...actually CRY??

The toll something like this takes on a person to be super thin is devastating. It gets into your head that this is the only way you can be desirable and becomes your whole existence. Revolving everything around what you can eat and when and planning what excuse your going to use with your family and friends of why you are not participating in meals with them ( I am not feeling well, or I already ate) even though I now know I wasn't fooling anyone and they were incredibly worried about me when I kept losing weight ( 5'5" 90 lbs.) It's no way to live. I didn't learn until later in life that people don't typically desire such a physique. I am almost 40 now and finally got away from this obsessive mindset about 8 years ago. I can now enjoy my life instead of revolving it around food and exercise. I am so grateful that I was able to put it in my past.

My partners would comment on the food I eat all the time. Like "You know that's really fattening", or "Oh, you're eating that snack, so I guess you're having less dinner later?", etc... I started hiding food and binge eating when I was alone. It's still a habit I haven't quite broken.

I had a husband who said he'd leave me "if I let myself go"... I left him, he got a new wife, she was very athletic until she broke her ankle and gained a small amount of weight.. so he left her.

Oh honey, you need to realize that, in your past relationships, it wasn’t that you didn’t like being touched at all, it was actually that you just didn’t like being touched by the person you were with.

Kitties get upvotes, even if the post has nothing to do with kitties.

Me too! I hated being touched in my relationships. But I'm actually a really cuddly person. It was just that all touch from my partners was sexual or led to sex and I'd start to recoil from touch from anyone because it all felt sexual to me. It's nice to have regular platonic affection now along with some sexual affection.

I don't like CASUAL touch because to touch us so intimate.

I had a friend being very adamant that her husband wasn't abusing her. Well, I guess, if you ignore he was claiming to kill himself when she left (surprise, he didn't), that she had to hide behind the fridge because he was throwing the dishes to her and evety time he got mad he broke something, strangely enough never something he owned but always something from her or the kids, well, he didn't...

I, stupidly, thought this kind of behaviour had been left in the dim and distant past and that younger men were better. I didn't realise that it's never been acceptable by most men but that there are a hard core who will always do this and will normalise the behaviour for their sons and daughters. The process will repeat down the generations..

Yeah. Being emotionally and mentally abused all your life makes you think you'd deserve that. I know I wouldn't, but if I ever got into a situation like that...I'm really not sure.

I wonder if we dated the same guy... For seven years I genuinely thought that toxic trashbag loved me. Despite all the signs.