30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying
If you've ever been on a date, you know how stressful and straight-up scary they can be. Besides the first-date anxiety, which can make you sweat and act crazy, we're all afraid that something we might say or do will scare off our potential soul mate.
Of course, as we know by now, this is pretty much unavoidable. No matter how hard we try to be on our best behavior, saving our biggest pet peeves for that third date, you can't know if some of your quirks won't be a total deal-breaker. Pondering the same question, u/h8raide88 decided to pose it to the Ask Reddit community, amassing more than 20,000 responses. From people obsessed with their date's credit scores to gents who are convinced mansplaining is a surefire way to woo ladies, this one sure is a doozy.
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You've swiped right, exchanged witty banter, and landed yourself a coveted first date. Excitement fills the air, and warm butterflies fill your tummy as you imagine the possibilities of a potential connection. But before you dive headfirst into the love pool, it's important to not get ahead of yourself, since there might be a deal-breaker just around the next corner.
In fact, the success ratio of the first date is so low that nowadays people often find themselves contemplating an escape plan before even stepping foot into the rendezvous. Startlingly, a recent statistic revealed that nearly 60% of single individuals openly confessed to resorting to an escape plan to extricate themselves from the clutches of a nightmarish first date.
O 🦌
How about when I was invited out with a guy I met online to a nearby sushi place. Wed texted and chatted for about a week til I finally felt comfortable meeting him.
Date picked me up. The conversation on the drive there was great. Seemed like we were connecting.
However, while at the restaurant, he proceeded to order about $100 worth of sushi, while I ordered maybe a roll and some appetizers. My total would have been about $30, at most. I tried to engage him, but quickly realized the conversation was lacking, because he was... uh. busy.
He proceeded to text on his phone the entire time at dinner, ignored me and took pics of his food, posted that the place we were at was amazing. He. Ate. Everything. In. Front. Of. Him. Ok. Gotcha.
At this point, I knew what was going on.
And... when the bill came, he was still on his phone, posting, texting, laughing at the response to his posts. He ignored the waiter, plus the bill. The waiter politely left it on the table. I looked at my date, then the waiter. Date never looked up from his phone.
I then quietly, and politely asked the waiter to split our bill (since date was so consumed with his phone, he didn't notice). Waiter retrieved the bill, adjusted it, then came back. With separate bills this time.
The look on my 'date's face when he was handed a $100 bill for his food was priceless. I paid mine with my card, plus a hefty tip. Date asked me 'uh, oh c**p, I forgot my wallet! Can you spot me?'
I just pretended I was on my phone and left him there, and walked out the door.
I'd already ordered an uber at this point (since he drove us there).
(And yes, don't worry, the waiter got a massive tip, about the amount of my bill - it wasn't his fault that the date was an a**hat).
This is fantastic! I love people like you; no hateful words, yelling, or dramatic scenes. You just left the dope at the table and with a bill he couldn't pay. That is brilliant.
According to a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, researchers provided a list of 17 negative personality traits to over 5000 single adults. Participants were asked to indicate whether they would consider these traits as deal breakers in a long-term relationship with a potential partner. While the Independent reports that more women than men considered these traits as deal breakers, the study revealed that there were more similarities than differences between the two sexes.
When it comes to deal-breakers, both men and women agree that a "disheveled or unclean appearance" takes the top spot, with 71 percent of women and 63 percent of men considering it a major turn-off. Additionally, 72 percent of women and 60 percent of men cannot tolerate a partner who is deemed "lazy."
Anyone who doesn't understand why a first meeting in public is best for women
That's not a red flag, that's a f*****g alarm bell, and klaxon sirens all at once.
Trump supporter.
Seriously. It means their moral compass is so diametrically opposed to mine. their is 0% chance we would work out.
Political differences are a big thing you should sort out early. This person disagrees with trump, a trumper might disagree with them. It’s not something to freak out about! It’s just logical thinking.
When it comes to deal-breakers, both men and women agree that a "disheveled or unclean appearance" takes the top spot, with 71 percent of women and 63 percent of men considering it a major turn-off. Additionally, 72 percent of women and 60 percent of men cannot tolerate a partner who is deemed "lazy." Being "too needy" is another deal-breaker, with 69 percent of women and 57 percent of men opting to walk away.
They only want to talk about themselves.
I once had a 2-hour blind date. By the end, I knew everything about this girl. I knew all of her cats by name, *and what their favorite movies were.*
She asked me literally nothing, and just kept jumping from topic to topic.
At the end of the date, she wanted to trade numbers, and I couldn't help but ask "What's my name?" and she didn't know. So I just paid for my meal and left.
I had such a date. The guy talked only about himself the entire time: his college, his job at a supermarket, his crappy boss. All my attempts to change the subject were promptly met with: "No, no, let me tell you!!" At the end he told me not to pin my hopes on a relationship with him, because his "dream girlfriend" would be a blue-eyed blonde (I am brunette, green eyes).
Complimenting me by trashing my entire gender. "You really know your s**t, I've never met a female who knew so much about politics". Yeah Bud, you sure have you just didn't listen.
"If you've been on one or two dates with somebody and then they suddenly start to love-bomb you with loads of texts, loads of emails, telling you how much they like you, making loads of plans for the future - that is a big warning sign," Laura Buckley, a certified matchmaker and the founder of Secret Alchemy, told Bored Panda in a Zoom call.
The amount of guys who think negging is a good flirting technique is ridiculous. Contrary to what you read on WikiHow, insulting a girl doesn't make her want to impress you, it just makes her realize you're a d**k.
Do people actually do this? Edit: wow I didn’t realize how many people do this. That’s messed up
On their phone the whole time. If you can't disconnect for an hour or so to engage with me then it's not going to work.
That the rule for everybody who wants to spend time with me. No phone. Your choice. I won't be mad if you choose the phone, I have better things to do in that case.
Love bombing, though it may appear innocuous in certain instances, actually encompasses a more severe 'red flag' within a relationship. It involves the use of seemingly lavishing gestures like sending presents, flowers, constant communication via texts and calls, and other behaviors, as a means to establish dominance and control over the other person. If you've seen Netflix's 'The Tinder Swindler,' you know what we're on about.
Flat earther believer, anti vaxxer, rude to staff, tries too hard to look quirky or talks like an anime character.
Also waterboarding conversationalist. Like you have to torture them to hold a conversation.
Waterboarding conversationalist. LOL. I am definitely stealing that one.
When she puts her smoke out in her baked potato.
Tell me she didn't then eat the potato? Also: do people still smoke in restaurants somewhere in the world?
"If you've been single for a while and you meet somebody who seems really lovely, treats you with affection and attention, it's really difficult to take a step back and go, 'What's that all about?'", Buckley explained, admitting most single people have fallen for this at least once in their experience. "Obviously, now we know that love bombing can be quite psychologically damaging and it can lead to abusive relationships."
According to a recent Forbes article, the TikTok hashtags #lovebombing and #lovebomb have gained significant attention, accumulating 329 million and 133 million views, respectively. Users are utilizing these hashtags to share their own personal encounters with the manipulative phenomenon of love bombing.
They end up being 3 badgers in a trench coat.
If they are hard to talk to. Might not make them a bad person, but obviously there is no chemistry if all I get are one word answers where they also don't reciprocate questions.
"So you're a teacher right?"
'Yep'
......
"Well that's cool what grade?"
'2nd'
.....
"Aw what a great age! That's like the perfect time cause kids still kind of like school!"
'uh huh'
....check please!
As one of the most upvoted comments in the list suggests, having your date speak about their ex won't lead to a second date. "If I'm on a first date and a person is chatting away about their ex and they're calling them crazy or a crank, that's going to be a no for me," said Buckley.
If she has kids or wants to have them, I'm out. I want nothing to do with parenthood.
And if you tell her that up front she'll probably appreciate the time you've saved her.
Being a know it all. I had lunch with someone who called the table salt “sodium chloride” and used the bread as a way to tell me everything he knew about complex carbohydrates (some of which wasn’t even correct) and their connections to evolutionary theory. Just felt like he was compensating for something
"Learning how relationships ended (and even began) and how long they lasted can tell you a lot about a person," Yuko Nippoda, psychotherapist and spokesperson for the UK Council for Psychotherapy, recently told Refinery29. "It can reveal red flags, especially in the way they talk about their exes."
For me. During at least some point during a first date I think hobbies or passions are brought up.
I really dont care what hobbies you have. You could be into the dumbest s**t ever. As long as you are into something. Anything.
My red flag is when she says she goes to bars and clubs. And thinks thats a hobby.
I nope the f**k out.
My friend says watching YouTube is a hobby I din’t know if it is but I don’t think it is
Like using YouTube to listen to music, or shows you like that's a hobby! Mindlessly letting it autoplay is not.
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I think this is a close minded comment, there are other things to do in bars beside drinking. I personally was part of a cricket (darts) league and we met every week. That's a hobby, and it's at a bar. I think people can be callous and quick to judge when they hear certain things, and it makes them less open to accept things. Not everyone has to fit in this perfect little box from the get go, let people tell you about themselves and don't assume it's something distasteful to you before they can tell you about it.
The younger you are when you're seeking out a partner, the less likely it is you even know or understand who you yourself are. Hobbies and outside interests are a part of this, and in this case they might just not have found one yet. I'll admit, though, they should be looking for one.
Children. I wish all the best to all the single parents in the world but I am not signing up to be a step-parent.
And that is perfectly OK. Not everyone wants the responsibility of extra kids, especially when those kids aren't their own.
Politeness, grace, and a dash of table etiquette have the power to make a lasting impression. Imagine, if you will, a romantic dinner transformed into a sideshow spectacle by the sound of soup being slurped like a blender and hands being used as excavation tools. It's no wonder that researchers have identified certain food habits as the biggest pet peeves. In fact, a staggering 68% of people consider talking with your mouth full as the most unforgivable food sin.
If they call me "exotic." If they make repeated remarks on how *BeAuTiFuL* my skin tone is. Even worse when they point out that they've never "been with" anybody of my ethnic heritage.
Or, when they've *only* dated women of ethnicities with a similar appearance to mine. Feels a bit fetishizing.
Navigating the treacherous waters of politics, then, is like walking through a minefield on a first date. It's fine to have passionate opinions, but turning your dinner into a heated debate on global policies can be a surefire way to extinguish any romantic sparks. Nothing dampens the mood faster than the sudden realization that your date's political beliefs are on the opposite side of the spectrum, and neither of you is willing to back down. Unless, of course, you have a bizarre fetish for fierce political discussions.
If all they talk about is how bad all their exes are.
If all your exes are psycho, the chances are the problem is you.
you know how people joke that buying a dog is just buying a tragedy in 10 years?
that's basically how i feel about dating a smoker long-term
I was a smoker but I met an amazing guy who was allergic to smoking. I asked him out in two weeks, he said yes. During our date he asked why it was two weeks later and I told him it was so I could quit smoking. He said that was so hot he immediately asked for a 2nd date. We had an amazing relationship
That she doesnt accepts my racoon pet named Stuart
I don't know you. I don't particularly want to meet you. But I completely and utterly accept your racoon pet named Stuart.
They talk over me and spend the conversation giving me unsolicited advice about how to live my life
Edit: I feel like I need to specify that I was thinking of one specific first date that did not become a second date When I answered this, lol. The guy didn't like that I had dyed my hair blond at the bottom and Spent a lot of the date telling me about the dangers of bleaching your hair and how I should learn to make better choices. I just wanted to have a good dinner man.
Cutting someone off is rude even in a normal conversation. What are these people thinking?
Hygiene, in general
Edit: yes, you guys.. "lack of hygiene"
For a second, I thought that Image was someone holding a soapy hairball.
Why has no one mentioned “they litter”?
I don't hate people who smoke particularly but my parents smoked so much that I promised myself to never date someone who smoked.
If a person tells you they are IN LOVE WITH YOU after one day together.
They might try to move into your house, then try to attack you when you ask them to leave!
But that's a story for another time...
If they order shots.
I always do brunch as a first date because it places zero expectation on what happens after. So, if you order f*****g shots at 11:30am on a Saturday, we probably aren’t going to work out.
I know a girl who asks every guy she goes on a date with what his credit score is. She wants to make sure they’re financially stable. Also she’s 23 and doesn’t know how to pump gas.
uh i think she might need to go back to her parents house lol
If you smack your lips, or chew with your mouth open it's game over. Not sure I could even make it to the end of dinner.
Repeatedly interrupting me when I’m talking, especially when I’m answering a question they asked. It tells me they’re not actually engaged in what I’m saying.
Look up "collaborative overlap". Very common in the Middle East and East Europe. Nobody ever actually finished what they're saying, but also, they expect you to jump in when you have something to say that is relevant to what they are saying now. It leads to very vibrant and exciting discussions, rather than the stiff and stilted Northern European style "conversations" that they have here in the USA.
their drinking manners. if they insist i drink, or suggest drinks/shots after i've declined multiple times, i'll either think you have a problem, or you're trying to get me drunk. both of which i don't want.
men who insist you come over, or they come over. i'm all about prolonging a good date, and would love to go to another spot, but i really hate when men invite me over to their place, or suggest coming to mine at the end of the night. even worse when they get super pouty when i decline.
Here is a great story, first date in college. I drive a truck and live in a city. So spots are tight. This spot is particularly tight. So I say, “this is a tight spot so watch your door when you open it.” Girl “are you telling me how to open my door??” Doesn’t pay basic attention and slams the door into the other car.
"Ah, women and their...."
Guys who make you feel bad about not going home with them. I was really excited to go out with this one guy, had excitement/jitters all day because we had initially hit it off super well, and then the date came around, but I decided not to go home with him *because I liked him* and wanted to prolong the courting stage a bit longer.
Not even 30 seconds after I drove away he sent me "🙃" When I asked him why, he started pushing me to turn around and come over to his place.
Noped the f**k outta that one real quick.
what is upside down smiley face mean to you? asking for a friend...
Referring to going to the restroom as "going make tinkles", I wanted to leave on the spot.
I'd prefer this over "I gotta go take a massive p**s out my sweaty vagina" Yes that is a real thing a woman said to me. She thought that all men found being rude and vulgar hilarious, and I most assuredly do not.
I've seen "being rude to wait staff" a dozen times in here.
Are that many people rude to waiters?
Working in customer service turns people into misanthropes for a reason
One of my best friends casually began to date one of my ex girlfriend’s friends.
He was really starting to like her and took her out on consistent dates, a few sleep overs, etc.
My ex girlfriend told me this girl was texting her about her date with my friend later that night. My ex asked her if she was into him as much as he was, her.
Her literal response was “no, but free food is free food.”
I was hurt for him. Devastated. I didn’t want him to feel what I felt and I wasn’t even the one dating her.
I took my friend (roommate at the time also) aside that afternoon and asked him to please delete her number and never talk to her again. I didn’t say why. I just asked him to trust me and to please stop seeing her. It’s for the honest best.
Knowing me for years & years, he politely accepted my request and deleted her, without question. He knew I knew something and understood I was helping him avoid emotional pain & disappointment. He is too nice of an individual to experience that..
Trust goes a long way.
I don't get why you wouldn't tell them why. Does it really avoid pain?
I was on a double date with this one girl. She seemed really cool and I was having fun on the date. Then she stuck her pinky in her ear to scratch and pulled out some ear wax. That was a little gross. But then she ate the ear wax. I decided right then to not go on a second date.
I've shared this recently, but one time I was out on a first date with this girl I met online. I thought she was very attractive and we seem to hit off well through texts.
We're at this bar and she suggests we play a people watching game where we try to make up back stories for the other people there. I thought it sounded fun, especially since I played a similar game with friends on the train sometimes. Plus it felt like a good ice breaker to get us talking.
Well, she managed to take all the fun out the game by being ridiculously cruel in all her assumptions for no real reason at all. It felt like she was projecting issues she had onto these people. Like one guy was sitting at the bar alone, could have been waiting for someone, you never know, but because he was alone he was a f*****g loser with no friends that hates his life.
Completely killed the mood and I lost interest in her after that. Couldn't see myself going on a second date with someone like that.
Getting so drunk on the first date that you can't figure out Uber and I have to drive you home. No, you can't stay on my couch, I don't know you.
Self-deprecating to the point where everything needs to be somehow connected in a negative way back to yourself. Like literally everything. While chatting it's even more obvious, sad faces all the time, "I'm dumb", "I don't deserve what I've achieved" etc.
Someone who doesn’t ask about me. It shows that they don’t actually care.
* Poor personal hygiene, or any other lack of basic self respect.
* Disrespectful to service workers (waitstaff, janitors, etc...)
* Harsh generalizations about different races/genders/nationalities/etc without verifiable evidence to back them up.
* Seems constantly annoyed or angry over little things.
* Victim mentality, or any other sense of entitlement.
EDIT TO ADD: Most of us who've been around a while might have that ONE "crazy ex," but if someone claims that most or all of their exes were "crazy" then that's your cue to run far the f**k away and never call back. THAT PERSON was the crazy one, nobody's luck is actually THAT BAD.
Being more that 30 mins late - With or without an excuse.
If you're going to be that late, you might just aswell cancel
Someone who makes me read their bad poetry. This has happened to me more than once...
I don’t hate poetry, I very much like it. Especially Vogon poetry. However, on a first date, there is a HUGE difference between; “Have you read this poem by x? What do you think of this bit...” and “Here is my notebook, read it all and tell me what you think.”
Story bits for those who asked:
The first time this happened I was 18 and we met through mutual friends. While it wasn’t great, it wasn’t emo angsty levels of bad. Unfortunately he then started sending me poetry he had written about me and calling me his muse. This after having met once. He then went full stalker. So yeah... nope.
Second time was some years later. It was bad, but I was not mean about it. We continued chatting then said goodnight politely and parted.
The next day he went from “I had a really nice time, give me a call.” To, “I am sure you are busy, but please reply.” To, “Clearly you are ignoring me so let’s never speak again” in the space of a 3 hour barrage of text messages. I was at work so I didn’t see the messages till lunchtime.
Dirty clothes. Not showered. Dirty car. Loud booming voice so everyone can hear your conversation. Bad tipper. Being rude to servers
I was once set up to go on a blind date with this girl. We were given each other's email addresses and so I hit her up, we exchanged a few pleasantries, then set up a date/time to finally meet. The day of, I get an email from her in the morning with an attachment. I open up the attachment and there is a questionnaire with like 25-30 questions on it. She requested I kindly fill out the questionnaire before we meet. I quickly reviewed the questions before sending her a reply saying that it's probably best we don't meet.
I don't know what characteristic she embodied, but I'd say that was a deal breaker.
I believe the characteristic you're trying to identify might be "controlling".
reminding me of my dad. I love my dad, honestly, but I don't want to date him :D
I really depends what reminds you of her dad. I dated a woman who enjoyed the fact that her dad and I had similar senses of humor. We did, and it was no problem.
As a straight man the main deal breaker for me is when they are also a man
Yeah, I'm straight too, but if Tom Hardy asks me on a date, I'm going to at least see where it goes, lol.
Bragging. Even worse if it's over the smallest things. A guy I was interested in kept texting me these (fake) brags about things that dont even matter e.g having a pet lizard that he brought home from his holidays??.
He also was a big fan of his own eyes? They were blue, but nothing out of the ordinary. He'd send photos saying they were unique and blue/grey and pretty. IMMEDIATE turnoff
EDIT: people werent getting the lizard thing. He did not have a pet lizard, I managed to get as far as being in his room at a party (a few days after saying he had the "pet lizard") and he was bragging that he managed to capture one whilst on holiday in Spain and bringing it home on the plane and keeping it. Which he did not.
Asking me zero questions about myself while talking incessantly about themselves. It's alarming how many dudes do this. Why bother going on a date with another human if all you want is to hear yourself talk?!
One-upping
Edit: When I lived in the Midwest it was literally just part of the culture. Telling stories and being one-upped was something you were desensitized to. I ran into a wall once I moved west where people pointed out that I did it, so I stopped. Now when I go on dates I usually get into things people are passionate about. If it’s all about one-upping experiences then it’s goals and meaning based on other people. Big turn off. There are a lot of people my age that are essentially living at a speed like Justin from Parks and Rec and it’s a shame. I learned and appreciated so much more slowing down and being present for things alone. The Midwest is also rampant with superlatives.
“It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen”
“Scariest thing that’s ever happened to me”
Really? Having your online banking freeze with the wrong balance on it was the scariest thing that’s EVER happened to you? F**k off
Don’t one up on dates. Hearing how your trip to Cali for Coachella was the best experience of your life and how Diplo was the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen is not what I want to hear when I ask about your future at Purdue studying liberal arts
Unidirectional people.
Only talks about work.
Only knows about sports.
Only cares about travelling.
Get a mix.
Edit: If you talk about travelling, sports and your job with passion it's definitely not a deal breaker. I'm talking about someone who can only do one of the three, not all 3 combined. Sorry maybe it came out wrong.
Treating service people poorly. You're rude or dismissive to a waiter or barperson, yeah, it's over before it's started - I know the kind of person you are.
Or when they snap their fingers to get the waiter’s attention. 😠
If they're going out with me, that's the deal breaker right there. Shows severe lack of judgement on their part.
"I would never want to be part of a club that would have me as a member"
I went on a date with a girl, this date was a disaster. She got food in her hair and all over the place, she wouldn’t get off her phone, and she stabbed herself in the cheek with her fork because she wasn’t paying attention. I’ve never seen her since
Being too shy. I get it you're nervous going out with a guy you like, and I'm just as nervous going out with a girl I like. But when you barely say a word to me, and your body language is all tense the whole time we're out sends some bad signals. It makes me more nervous because I cant think of what's making you so uncomfortable, and now I'm panicking that you may not want to see me again. So ladies, please just try to relax. We're s******g bricks too
Not easy to do if you have anxiety. I get it would seem like they don't feel comfortable, but if that is the only thing that is turning you off, I would hope you gave it another try at least once, when they might be more relaxed.
Had a first date with a guy from tinder. He wanted to play the “what celebrity do people say you look like?” Game. He told me, “Daniel Craig.” Uh no. Then I replied, “yea some people have told me Katy Perry but I don’t think so.” He said, “No! You know who you look like...BEN AFFLECK!!!”
I’m a woman btw.
Needless to say, there was no second date.
Eating with their hands. I knew a girl once who would eat foods like spaghetti and fish with her hands, and if I were to go on a date with someone similar, I would end it as soon as possible.
Have you ever seen someone, a grown adult, eat spaghetti with their hands??? It's disgusting!
Lack of trying. If I see the person is poorly dressed or chose a s****y place, I know they're putting the least effort possible. That tells me all I need to know.
Telling them you only wanted to date them because you recognize them from their GW posts.
Mouth-breathers... or when they constantly have that foaming piece of saliva at the corners of their mouths.
That seems a bit harsh. They may have problems with their sinus' in which case they have to breathe through their mouth. This then would cause that saliva build up because their mouth is dry.
Fake laughs.
