The term “toxic relationship” was first coined by Dr. Lillian Glass, a California-based communication and psychology expert in 1995. She defined it as “any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.”
Today, we hear of it more often than ever. You may wonder what on earth happened that so many of us struggle to have healthy relationships, but it’s always best to listen to those who have been in such situations and experienced what it’s like in the first place.
So when the Redditor SputtleBug posted a question “What is the most ridiculous thing a partner has asked you to change about yourself?” on r/AskWomen, it seems like it hit close to the bone for many women in the community. So they shared their genuinely disturbing experiences that show just how lethal and wrong some relationships are and remind everyone that we don’t ever have to put up with it.
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He wanted me to get rid of my pets, if I was reeeeaaally good though, he could be okay with me keeping my dog. Nope! Got rid of him instead.
The amount of men that ask me to come off antidepressants because "don't I make you happy enough without the pills" Lord give me patience
That would be a deal breaker for me. One wanted me off meds that I need to stay alive. He was my ex the next day.
Said I used "too many big words" and he just wanted to be able to "relax" more. Criticized my tv and movie preferences as being too "cerebral." Also told me I was too "analytical" in how I liked to solve problems. Now I have an MA and JD, and married a tech millionaire with a Ph.D. in theoretical physics, so looks like my preference for cerebral entertainment and big words paid off.
Good for you. Success is the best revenge or something idk the whole quote you get it.
Bored Panda reached out to SputtleBug, the author of this thread on r/AskWomen who said that they feel like everyone males and females alike receive societal pressure but the reasons are different.
"In my experience, the standards for women are often focused on physical appearance and reproduction while the standards for men are mainly focused on other things like careers and behavior, there’s still a pretty strong expectation for men to be extremely masculine," SputtleBug commented.
She continued: "We no longer live in the 1950s but the expectations we had then for men and women remain relatively the same now. Although the standards may have been created by men it’s had to have been backed by many women which is the main reason they’ve been allowed to perpetuate. Granted this seems to have changed significantly in the last few years but the start to change, is in most cases, slow."
My ex asked me to stop being depressed after we lost our daughter
Asked me to be more "agreeable" and not discuss feminist issues in his presence. This winner also told me I needed to lose about 40 pounds because women shouldn't weigh more than 120. For context, I'm 5'9" and at the time was wearing a size 6. I noped out of that relationship pretty quick.
It wasn't a long term thing, we had been dating for a few months at the time. He didn't ask me to change specifically but he was upset when he found out I was born in Romania. I was adopted by an American family when I was two and have lived in the US for the vast majority of my life. I barely remember anything about Romania.
He couldn't see himself with someone like me because I wasn't actually white. So he broke up with me. It was pretty shocking, I had no idea he had this massively racist side to him. He did me a favor.
On which planet are Romanians "not white"? This dude couldn't even get his racism right.
The author of this thread also said that while some of the responses she received were indeed surprising, other comments consisted of "things like losing weight, changing their aesthetic/clothing style, changing their personality that were the most common."
Sputtlebug believes that many people end up in toxic relationships and it's a common occurrence for all sexes but not one frequently talks about it.
I’m very pale, so pale that you can see the blue of my veins throughout most of my body. A boyfriend I had about ten years ago asked if there was “anything I could do to get rid of them?” I had to explain that no, I had a circulatory system and very much wanted to remain alive
I'm mixed half Indian half German and he asked to suppress my Indian side and culture cuz he "only dated me cuz at least I'm half"
He asked me to pretend I wasn’t in pain when I was.
I have endometriosis and if I’m dating you, you will have an up-close and personal seat into the life of someone with a chronic pain condition.
Now, I don’t complain a lot about it, it’s just a fact of my life, and I came to terms with it a long time ago. So when my ex-fiancé got “fed up” with me “being sick all the time,” I told him I can’t act healthy all the time when I’m sometimes in debilitating pain….and he said, “Can’t you fake it?”
Sputtlebug said that "it was definitely a learning experience, I didn’t really walk into this with any expectations in mind. It was a curious cat moment if that makes sense. Some of the comments made me laugh but a lot of the responses were demoralizing at best and heartbreaking at their worst."
"Overall I’m glad it was a moment for people to talk about something that maybe isn’t comfortable or okay for them to talk about with their friends and family," she concluded.
My former spouse asked me to move my period because it fell on his three day weekend and he refused to have sex with me when I was "broken" so that was a real bummer for him. I suggested that he ask one of the other guys to swap with him but he wouldn't even ask and I suspect it's because he knew noone liked him enough
Ha, for a moment I thought 'I suggested that he ask one of the other guys to swap with him' meant to have sex with her during a period and I thought that was a brilliant idea. I have literally zero time with men that can't cope with a normally functioning human body.
To go off birth control. At 16. Not because he wanted to try getting me pregnant (we weren’t even having sex) but because “knowing that I wasn’t technically fertile made me seem less feminine.” Not to mention I was on it for debilitating cramps.
My ex didn’t necessarily ask me to change this because he knew it was impossible, but he had a serious problem with me being white. Said he was “betraying his culture” by being with me.
I can’t begin to understand the struggle of being a black person in the US, but it makes zero sense to pursue me so hard and then hate that I’m white. Not like that was something I kept hidden that came out later.
that just makes zero sense to me its not like he found out she was a guy or that she was secretly 3 cats in a human suit or something like that like OP said its not something hidden
I dye my hair a lot, this is something I’ve always taken pride in and I LOVE my hair. My ex, on the other hand told me I wouldn’t meet his parents until I got rid of the crazy colors. I never met the parents.
Me having Asperger’s, and he was a doctor too. When we started dating he was obsessed with how I was ‘the smartest person he’d ever met’ then he tried to get me off my meds because he didn’t believe in them and didn’t understand sensory meltdowns, then when we broke up he said “I tried to fix you but I failed’ lol ok ‘doctor’ good luck with that cure for autism
He wanted me to be shorter. I'm 5'1. He literally wanted me to hunch my shoulders and only wear f**king flats all the time. He was 5'3 and insecure
My ex-bf wanted me to get tattoos, get gauges, pierce my nipples, and start doing a lot of drugs because iTd Be So hOt. He also wanted me to change my demeanor from upbeat to brooding and moody. That kind of happened naturally with him anyways because he was so soul-suckingly awful to be around.
Reminds me of my father trying to pressure me into being feminine and ladylike, telling me I'd actually be pretty if I wore dresses and makeup.
My ex told me I needed to start pretending I didn't understand things even when I did, bc "men like explaining things to women". The ex before him basically told me I was malfunctioning bc I didn't want to be a SAHM, and he asked me to never fart in front of him bc "women don't poop".
My religion. He verbally assaulted me when I said I didn’t want to convert to Islam. He did a lot worse, but that’s where the abuse began.
My job. He didn't want me working around a "bunch of dudes just trying to f**k you" I'm a welder still 10 years later lol
Told me I was too anxious and depressed, and I just needed to be “happy” lol I was on birth control for him too (refused to wear a condom) which caused a lot of these mental health issues. After breaking up, got off the pill + the lack of his presence in my life made me significantly happier. Also, he told me I couldn’t take a joke even though his “jokes” were degrading and humiliating me in front of his friends.
The fact that you became 'significantly happier' after breaking up, showed you who was to blame for your insecurities. Good on you for having the courage to walk away.
I have long, thick, dark brown hair, great condition, I have never dyed it and it's probably my favourite feature. I get a lot of compliments on it.
My ex would always suggest I dye it blonde.
If you like blondes, date a blonde. Dumba**
My ex had exactly the same request of me. I never dyed it. He was a dickhead
The way I walk (I "walk too loudly") and the way my face looks when I read books. Apparently, I was supposed to smile all the time.
Just having a nice smile reading All Quiet on the Western Front.
He wanted me to distance myself from my family mainly because he wasn't close to his family and didn't have that kind of support.
He picked me up on Thanksgiving to have lunch with his mom. He promised we would go together to my family's Thanksgiving at dinner. Evening rolled around and he proclaimed he was too tired to go and refused to drive me the whole 25 minutes to my grandpa's house. When I didn't show up my family freaked out and my siblings came to get me. My brother asked my boyfriend what happened and he couldn't come up with an answer other than he was tired. Later he posted online my brother tried to fight him haha. Dumped him that night! I would have left him sooner, but I was young and dumb!
He didn’t want me to cry. Ever. “The women in my family would never cry unless their arm was being sawed off at the time.” Twenty some years later I realized he should have married his sister
Him: You shouldn't wear makeup;
Me: Why, what's the problem? Lots of women wear makeup;
Him: My mom doesn't
My college boyfriend said I could "stand to lose a few". I wish he could see me now..I am so much fatter lol. No, but really I looked great and he was a dweeb.
I worked with a very lonely but seemingly nice enough man. There was a lovely friendly woman where we worked who was a little overweight and I suggested he ask her out (I was in a long term relationship to a man I since married). He said 'I don't like fat women'. Yeah - ignore how kind and funny she is... 🙄 (She was also far from ugly but that's beside the point). She is married with children and he is... still alone. Surprise!! Though he has spent years stalking me so I've no sympathy.
"You're too nice, you need to stop that." Said every time I gave money or food to a panhandler or charity, any time I expressed compassion for someone who wasn't him, and especially when we were watching George W Bush's invasion of Iraq and I was horrified at all the Iraqi people dying.
He thought my laugh could be more "ladylike," because as long as I had a witch cackle he wouldn't "be able to take me anywhere high-class."
He was flat broke at the time and I was paying for everything. I also sound different depending on how hard I'm laughing, so it's not like I had to break out the witch laugh at all these imaginary restaurants and balls we were totally going to attend. Didn't matter, he wanted me to train myself out of it anyway
My last partner tried to make me change my willingness to be cheated on. She thought I should be "open to the idea"
I could understand if they asked for being open to a polyamorous, polygamous, or open relationship but not open to the idea of being cheated on. Cheating is never ok regardless of the relationship type.
My body.
I'm 5'5 and naturally thin, but I didn't have muscle at the time. I had been looking to start going to the gym though, so I agreed to go with her. I'd always played sports so I looked forward to being active again. I wanted to gain strength.
She had a gym addiction and her type was pretty much strictly fit people. She's straight up said she wouldn't date an overweight/fat person because they wouldn't be "healthy" (disgusting mindset). She was pretty much trying to mold me to fit her "type" exactly. Including down to my diet which I had to tell her outright to shut the f**k up about what I ate (You can pry ice cream out of my cold, dead hands).
That relationship did not last long. But I feel very vindicated in the fact that I reached her fitness goals in half the time she did just because I genuinely enjoy working out. It helps my mood and ADHD symptoms.
I couldn't care less what I look like as long as my body feels healthy and strong. I have a 4 pack of abs and hella strength now. And my current beautiful, thick, strong af girlfriend very much loves my body for what it is regardless of whether it's "fit" or not.
v need to learn to accept people the way they r...n not mold them like clay into the shape we want.......
My first bf had a problem with me wearing super trendy colourful clothes. "why can't you just wear jeans and a black tee? Why can't you just wear black clothes?"
It annoyed him that people would look at me when we went to malls. It got to a point where if he was picking me up, he'd call and ask "are you ready? Send me a pic of what you're wearing. If it's pink or orange, change into black. If it's a skirt, wear jeans". He made me promise not to wear my favorite deep purple corduroys. He didn't realise that it wasn't the clothes that people looked at me for. I was a loud, outgoing teen with a bubbly personality. THAT'S what made me attract a bit of attention. He hated when people looked at me at all. Even older women who have stopped me to compliment my style or hair.
He's changed in the 10 years since and we're still good friends. He agrees he'd been the jealous type and hated all my friends and hated how much attention I got. He's grown now. And is a much better human being and an amazing friend.
I'm rather glad to hear he has grown and turned into a great friend.
My ex boyfriend was very worried about the hair on my upper lip. Now that I’m years out of that relationship, I realize I don’t have an extremely hair upper lip and the memory of his obsession over that makes me so mad. One time when we were kissing, I thought we were having a nice moment, but he pulled away and ran his finger over my upper lip and said “you need to get that fixed.” When I went to the salon to have it waxed, the esthetician told me, unprompted, that she thought I was wasting my money getting my upper lip waxed because it wasn’t hairy. I really just think he just wanted to make me feel bad about myself.
Reminds me of the "body odour" post here on Bored Panda - another guy who was taught by his daddy to keep the woman small and insecure so that she will not leave him?
My life goals. Before I realized I was playing for the other team, the dude just decided, on his own, that we were going to have children and I was going to be his somehow always scantily clad housewife, despite me saying several times I'm never, * ever * having children, and I'll be doing bare necessities housework because I got s**t to do before I go to the grave.
He had a time limit for conversations. But it only applied when I was speaking or the subject had to do with me.
Did not matter if I was happy, sad, upset, worried, excited. Time limit on it.
And I am talking minutes for me to share things.
Communication was a joke, yet he repeatedly bragged about what a great communicator he was
My whole personality. This dude (admittedly very shallow looking back but I was so naive then) told me straight up that I was cute but I’d be better off without the personality because “it’s a bit much.” He didn’t like that I liked to laugh and joke around and such. He basically wanted me to just become an accessory. Shut up and look pretty. Yeah nah I got tf outta there
An ex asked me to stop saying sorry all the time. I'm sorry, but I'm Canadian and I cannot help it.
If he can't accept you for traits you have, then he's not the one for you. Our traits and personalities make us who we are and I've spent way too many years not being me, to please others.. Dump him and wait for the person who loves you entirely. :)
He told me my taste in music was awful, and that I should only listen to the most talented musicians in styles I was learning. He trained me to listen to music only for work, never for fun, and would turn off the stereo if I was listening to something like pop music for fun in the car. We're both professional musicians. You'd think it would be impossible to ruin music for a musician. That was 10 years ago, and I still have intense anxiety about choosing music, and listening to music around other people.
Her words exactly “You need to stop being bi sexual! I understand it’s who you are but it doesn’t work for me and I really want to be with you” total cringe!! Needless to say, we aren’t together anymore.
How much time it took me to have an orgasm lol. Like as if it's in my control.
There are many men out there that enjoy the journey, no need to stick around with one that finds it a chore.
My past. He was appalled to find out an ex of mine was Jewish.
He told me if we ever got married and had kids I would have to be the stay at home parent… the person who went through 6 years of higher education, had a stable well paying career, and bomb a** health insurance…. He was a photographer.
My now ex, told me I peed too loudly when I first woke up in the morning and it disgusted him
He said he couldn’t support my decision to go to nursing school because his ex was a nurse and she struggled a lot through school. Plus he also wanted to travel.
I dumped him during that conversation. Became a nurse and I’ve traveled more than he has.
He wanted me to get bigger boobs. I’m happy with my B cup thank you a**hole. I dumped his a**.
He kept insisting that I socialize more with strangers. Like we would be ordering drinks in a beach bar and he would insist that I make small talk with these two random girls who were also ordering. Like idgaf about small talk with strangers, stop forcing me! Ugh
I once had a guy who I wasn’t even dating ask me if I shaved down there. We had exchanged numbers and were “talking” but this question still threw me off. I answered honestly and told him I shave, but I don’t shave it all off and he was appalled and said, “Oh I don’t know if I’d like going down on you if you weren’t completely bare.” Ummmm who said you were ever going to see my vagina? Needless to say, he never did!
Apparently, men have no idea just how uncomfortable pubic hair maintenance can be. Ingrown hairs, razor or wax burns, the list goes one. All in an area with constant rubbing that you're expected to sit on. They either don't know or don't care.
My ex husband told me that I wasn't a real women because I didn't wear heels or style my hair or wear make up or dress up.
Your father sounds like an ass, I'm sorry you had/have to deal with that
Load More Replies...Started living with a guy and he told me I was "letting myself go". Told him "You come home, take your pants off, and scratch your balls all day day through your boxers." He immediately apologized.
A real woman doesn’t need all that, those are superficial inhancements
Should have told him he’d been married to man then according to his logic
Not a deal-breaker and something for him to carp on about apparently... or maybe he just started spouting this nonsense once they were married?
Load More Replies...Dated a girl who wanted me to be “more masculine” cos she thought I looked more attractive that way. Got rid of her. Dated a trans man who wanted me to be “more feminine.” Got rid of him too. I’m non-binary and how I choose to dress is for me and not them.
To stop being a vegetarian because it wasn’t fair to him (still not clear on how my dietary choices had any impact on him) or to get off anti-depressants because it made my feelings “inauthentic”.
I got told I was needy and possessive because I am monogamous and would also like my partners to be. Same guy also took me to Pizza Hut once, waved the salad menu in my face and said "I think you're better off looking at this!" so yeah I also basically got told to lose weight.
My long hair. They said it was fine mid-back, but if it grew past my waist, that was (and I quote) "a deal-breaker." My only regret about cutting them out of my life so fast was that they weren't around to see my hair reach my butt or to hear the constant compliments I get on it
I had one of those too. He actually wanted me to cut my hair short, constantly praising short hair in girls and saying how long hair is "messy". I didn't cut my hair for him.
A guy started a big fight with me for eating scrambled eggs from a bowl instead of a plate. To this day I still don’t get why it was such a big deal.
I used to have the side of my head shaved (buzzed, not shaved bald.) I loved it. My ex asked me to stop cutting it and let it grow out. I said “Why? I like it.” He said “Because I don’t like my girlfriend having shorter hair than me.” Sounds like it’s time to shave your head then, buddy.
What a jackass. I shave my head bald and my boyfriend loves it. He also loves it when I have a mohawk. And an undercut. And a pixie cut. And a bob. What I'm getting at is he loves me no matter what I look like.
Basically my personality. I am a very quiet and gentle person. I can be very diligent and passionate about something but in quiet way and with the freedom to do so. My ex led me to believe that there was something wrong with my because I was not firely passionate about my goals. I felt like there was something wrong with my very being. Thankfully, we are no longer together, and guess what, I'm going after my goals!
How I sleep. Like, do I have to sleep facing his direction?
We don’t sleep in the same bed and haven’t in 18 years. Problem solved
My clothes, he inspected my long skirt carefully, and said it was transparent and told me not to wear it. It was hardly transparent and I had leggings on underneath. I laughed at him and we ended up breaking up a week or two later. He was a clown
One time on a dating app a man messaged me and asked if I could change my name because he didn't like unisex names
ask him to change his IQ......it's giving me too much of a headache
This one boyfriend I had when I was 16 asked me to get colored contacts because he wanted me to have brown eyes and not green eyes. Said I'd be his "dream girl" if I did that.
In high school, my then-bf told me I wasn’t allowed to wear clothes from Forever 21 or Ross because that was “ghetto” and he wanted me to wear A&F, Hollister, and AEO….as if I had the money, took me a couple of years to realize what a [friggin] loser he was
Pretty sure I’m going to enjoy your company more if you want to hit up the thrift/secondhand stores with me instead of the mall.
To not have more tattoos than him at any point. So when I wanted my second and he only had the one, he expected me to wait until he got a second tattoo first.
I'm guessing it had something to with his weird hang up on masculinity. I didn't listen and got my second while we were dating. He didn't say or do anything about it.
My ex got pissy because I went to an actual tattoo artist to get a tattoo without telling him about it in advance. I didn't tell because I knew he'd get pissed off, and tbh I already knew that I wanted the relationship to end. All of his tattoos were made by him and his friends and they were absolutely horrible. The quality was super bad, but I was willing to overlook that. His body, his choice. I just wouldn't want bad tattoos on my skin.
Mine wanted me to drink more because it wasn’t fun having a girlfriend who barely drank. He had the audacity to tell people afterwards that I was an alcoholic. Glad he dumped me!
I was told not to shake people’s hands when I meet new people because it’s too intimidating.
He started telling people I had a different job title than I actually do, because it “sounded better”. Now I’m more successful than he is, so he can suck it.
To stop swirling wine when I drink it at his dad's house, "because it comes off as if you are the mistress of the house." I told him it's not my fault he wasn't raised knowing the proper way of drinking wine.
We were 19-20, I just immigrated to the US from a country where my dad has been teaching me about wine for a few years, and bf's dad and stepmom (from my region) had good wine culture and had no issue with it, but not his mom's side.
He told me I had to become okay with him messing around with other women, and be okay with my partners doing that in general if we broke up, because I was never going to be validating enough to him or any other man so they would always need to seek it elsewhere.
We are not together anymore. I’m plenty validating to any guy who isn’t a bottomless pit of insecurity.
My voice. I can project, I come from a family of loud talkers. He's super shy, we've been together 16 yrs, he still cringes if I open my mouth outside in the 167 townhome complex we live in because "someone might hear me".
I have a loud voice, and I totally get this. I embarrass myself sometimes, and I cannot work in an open plan office!
“Stop being dramatic” after triggering a panic attack by throwing/breaking my stuff
My ex didn’t like me wearing skirts. Not because they were short or provocative or anything, he didn't like skirts. F**k that guy.
I had a psycho ex who would not let me into my house (where he was crashing at the time) because, I quote "I had evil eyes on me from guys who have been looking at me because I like to wear cute dresses (which for him was an indication that I am open for flirting... A dress!!!)".. According to him, when a girl is in a relationship, she should dress as modestly as possible so that no other man can look at her. He would also offer me clothes that were unflaterring (brown, dark and no shape) and way too large for me. The situation got to the point where he would start doing some type of rituals to get rid of the "evil eyes". Didnt take me long to end the relationship!!! It was years back but I still cringe like it was yesterday!!!
The way I hold a fork....I hold a fork like a regular human ! I think but he started yelling and saying it is embarrassing him.....I was in his bedroom at his moms house eating on a paper plate while he had gta on.
My art. I painted sort of fantastical Pre-raphaelite type stuff, perhaps a little dark, and my ex wanted me to switch to landscapes and such because they would be more appealing to sell
Sounds like my type of art, you keep creating what makes you happy <3
I had a partner ask me to gauge my ears so that I could “fit his aesthetic more”. Safe to say that relationship was short lived.
Hate to admit I’m too old to get this one, but I don’t really see the value of a carabiner attachment point on the side of my head. And there’s no way that’s going to hold my weight.
Asking any personal questions he said was arguing. So I was not allowed to get to know him.
He said my body was amazing but my cheeks were chubby. He asked me to google facial exercises to get rid of my cheek fat
They wanted me to be the person I was before my best friend unexpectedly died.
omg....that is just sad.....losing a bff and then another person who v wanted to share things with.......hope u dumped them and found urself and what is best for u\
My ex is an ex for a reason. He didn’t believe me when I told him that I get way too overstimulated with lots of noises/crowded places. I’ve always been like that. One time we had gone to his little brother’s bar mitzvah because he turned the big 13. After his bar mitzvah, everyone from there went to Olive Garden and I had thought it was going to be my boyfriend and I, his immediate family, and his aunt with her kids. We got there and EVERYONE was there. We had the back room all to ourselves, and with the crashing of dishes to the bathroom doors constantly seining open and close to the cars on the street outside to everyone chatting, I excused myself from the table twice in the almost 2 hours we had been there. The second time I texted my then boyfriend saying that I didn’t think I could stay much longer because I was getting overwhelmed and was feeling claustrophobic. He texted me saying he was going to tell his family that I didn’t feel good because he didn’t want them knowing about my overstimulation because he thought it was a silly thing that I could “overcome.” We got to the car and he was actually upset with me for leaving about 30 or so minutes before everyone else. He also had said that it was his brother's birthday and I should’ve “held out longer” because of it.
She DID feel unwell. Why would an upset stomach be ok but an upset mind not be?
Asked me to gain 40+ lbs because he wanted me to have a huge ass.
I was dating this girl who wished she could change me into a guy, like a whole a** different gender because it would “make it easier on her family”.
Change who I chose to hang out with and call my friends. They had him figured out and he didn’t like that.
The instant someone tries to distance you from your family and/or friends, run. Run fast.
Get LASIK because glasses don’t look good on me.
i actually wonder where do these ppl get the audacity to ask someone to change their anatomy for some bs person like themselves
He wanted me to read more non-fiction instead of fiction.
I read plenty but apparently fiction wasn't good enough for him.
My ex told me that I tell him “I love you” too much. Unsurprisingly he broke up with me a few weeks later.
I got sick of my ex saying it too much. He would say it every 5-10 minutes, in the middle of conversations. I always had to reply I loved him too. He'd count how many times I spontaneously said it, and how many times he spontaneously said it, and they had to be equal to one another at the end of each day. When it got to evening, he'd tell me the "scores" so far and encourage me to catch him up if I was lagging.
He made me read lots of psychology books so I could manipulate his friends into liking me more??
What a catch.
To stop sleeping with earbuds/ earplugs in. It made him feel disconnected from me.
To post more pictures of ourselves doing corny s**t so we can be Tumblr famous together lol
My family name
To start trimming all hair off of my toes
I had an atheist girlfriend that told me to not bring my bible into her apartment because "she didn't want that s**t in her house".
Kinda split on this one. On one hand, I'm an atheist and it wouldn't bother me any more than any other book he brought. On the other, my guess is her objection wasn't the book, it was him pushing his religion. I'm guessing this because I've dated over-zealous religious men, and it was the trying to convert me constantly that drove me nuts and she probably doesn't want the stress of the hard sell in her house. I would've just broken up with him.
As a mother of a 21 year old son, I can assure you that women can with alarming regularity be just as toxic as men. He once had a girlfriend that would "accidentally" hit him in the junk... the same girl got mad that he dare choose playing a game with his stepbrother one night instead of spending time with her on the phone so she logged into his PlayStation account and locked him out by changing the password. I was SO thankful when he finally got away from that abusive gremlin.
I agree, I've heard some toxic stuff coming from male friends about their (ex)girlfriends as well.
Load More Replies...I don't even know where to begin. After he cheated on my he justified it because, 1, he don't like the way I cleaned the house (mind you, I worked full time, made more money than him, took care of my girls, cooked, did laundry, and he mowed the lawn once a week and worked 24 hours a week, 2, having my 2nd child was a mistake, and 3, I had out on weight (my baby was 4 months at the time). After I divorced him, he called me everything in the book, made fun of me for being Latin, lazy, "too perfect", and of course, his biggest insult was to end every discussion with, of course, you are only a woman. WTF?!?
As a man I really have to apologize for those many stupidos. Please be aware that not all of us are blessed with such borderless idiocism...
I dated a guy who demanded I change my skin color as I did not look attractive enough in my current one and that I needed it urgently to trigger his desire.
I had so many of these, my first boyfriend telling me non-stop to cut my hair short because he doesn't like long hair; second boyfriend was forcing me into sex even though I wasn't ready and when he didn't succeed he actually called me "spoiled and juvenile"; my ex husband nagging me for being shy and introvert and not liking to socialize; my ex telling me I am "too demanding in relationship" because I said I really wanted more relaxed and spontaneous relationship and he forced that we schedule each our date to an hour because his "life schedule must be followed to a minute" (but mine doesn't). We met like 1-2 times a week for 3-5 hours when and where he decides and when I said multiple times I want more relaxed and spontaneous meetings I was "to demanding". I have rotten taste in men.
For years I've been hearing the old adage about men marrying women never wanting them to change while women supposedly marry men expecting to change them. It simply isn't true. Men are just as likely to try to mold a partner into their fantasy image.
After reading the stories I wonder what attracted the women in those men. For example the OP about the being educated and cerebral. He surely wasn't a as educated as she was. So what made her start something with him? Really interested in knowing this.
Also, why did the guys choose to date the women? Especially the ones who didn't like skin colour etc, it's pretty obvious from the start
Load More Replies...I'm not a woman, but my gf recently broke up with me for being 'too needy'. This was three days after I was in an accident and had 3 broken ribs and several other minor injuries that required 30 stitches. Men don't have a monopoly in unreasonable behaviour in relationships.
Ex once told me "You're not pretty or beautiful but you're cute." Gee thanks. What a way to boost my self esteem. He Also gave me HPV.
Long stories short, stop trying to change other people. Especially other grown ax adults. There's a difference between getting someone their own tube of toothpaste because they can't seem to put the cap back on, or asking for considerations like putting the toilet seat down,etc. (common courtesies) rather than ask them to change something that is inherently reflective of their personality or is part of their core basic person.
In conclusion,I 'm never dating or getting married.Just wanna travel and learn a lot and obviously die as young as possible. :)
Mine basically tried to control how I talked and what words I used to describe something, simply because he didn't like it
My ex once told me I couldn't go on testosterone until I was at least 18 because there's a slight chance that it could make me a little bit taller and he wanted to be the tall one. Even if it did make me taller I still wouldn't have been taller than him
My husband, RIP, always made me look down and I couldn't speak unless he said so. I wasn't allowed to wear makeup or cut my hair. He was abusive, VERY ABUSIVE!!!! Tge day I left him, after being beaten, i went and had my hair, which was nearly past my butt shaved off. I haven't had long hair since. It's always in a pixie cut and i wear makeup daily even if not going anywhere. I still have a hard time looking up to speak to men.
You're an amazing human,I've always liked you on BP.I hope you have a great day!
Load More Replies...The s**t y'all put up with us insane. Nothing I read in how y'all get treated is acceptable. Slim pickings I'm guessing
I'm loud and funny and a very "huggy" person. As soon as the ring went on my finger he informed me that I was too loud, my jokes were inappropriate & that I was not ALLOWED to hug any male who wasn't a family member (my best friend was a guy). Um - ALLOWED? Yeah, he lasted less than a year.
Everyone has a life story, I am so happy to have my lover back again after 8 good months of separation. I never thought we will live a happy life together again, but today, I am so glad for what ( Priestess Joy Onobun ) the spell caster did for me as she cast a reconciliation love spell for me to bring back my Ex to live together with me again. My testimony to everyone who is in the same situation as i was,should Contact The Great Dr Onobun now and Get your problem solved... WhatsApp................2349155287171 Email..............onobuntemple@gmail.com https://www.facebook.com/Onobunlovespell-103169402195792/ http://dronobunspellhome.blogspot.com
Seeing the comments about toxic behavior guys have experienced, I seriously would love it if someone would make their own article about it. I'm sure there's enough to fill an equally f*cked up list.
the fact that i tended to be knowledgeable about things that men are 'supposed' to know as well as the fact that i have always been pretty androgenous with my hobbies and activities. i was an only child who had a strong independent minded parents who wanted their daughter to be able to do things for herself. like fix a car while also making elegant dinners. i'm good at both feminine and masculine. he finally got used to it but i know it bothered him.
Where do all these monsters come from, and how do we send them back where they came from?
I briefly dated a guy who kept telling me I needed to work out more. I was very thin at the time, but apparently not as toned as he wanted. He'd even point out other women who were in great shape and say "you could look like that!" He wasn't in good shape himself, of course.
It was so inconvenient for me to get up early on Sunday to attend Church. Saturday could be 5am for horseback riding, 6am for work during the week or whatever, but Church that started at 10am was just not possible.
My friend's ex ran over her with his car because he was pissed off with her. He would always put her down and try to control her. But the truth is I reversed the genders - my friend is a guy and the ex is a girl. My point: women can be just as toxic.
Uh if you read there were toxic girlfriends in the thread too. "Exes" don't have to be just men (Lesbians and bi people exist)
Load More Replies...If you bothered to read the post there were complaints about women too
Load More Replies...The question was originally posted on: r/AskWomen If you ask women a question, you will likely get an answer from women...
Load More Replies...As a mother of a 21 year old son, I can assure you that women can with alarming regularity be just as toxic as men. He once had a girlfriend that would "accidentally" hit him in the junk... the same girl got mad that he dare choose playing a game with his stepbrother one night instead of spending time with her on the phone so she logged into his PlayStation account and locked him out by changing the password. I was SO thankful when he finally got away from that abusive gremlin.
I agree, I've heard some toxic stuff coming from male friends about their (ex)girlfriends as well.
Load More Replies...I don't even know where to begin. After he cheated on my he justified it because, 1, he don't like the way I cleaned the house (mind you, I worked full time, made more money than him, took care of my girls, cooked, did laundry, and he mowed the lawn once a week and worked 24 hours a week, 2, having my 2nd child was a mistake, and 3, I had out on weight (my baby was 4 months at the time). After I divorced him, he called me everything in the book, made fun of me for being Latin, lazy, "too perfect", and of course, his biggest insult was to end every discussion with, of course, you are only a woman. WTF?!?
As a man I really have to apologize for those many stupidos. Please be aware that not all of us are blessed with such borderless idiocism...
I dated a guy who demanded I change my skin color as I did not look attractive enough in my current one and that I needed it urgently to trigger his desire.
I had so many of these, my first boyfriend telling me non-stop to cut my hair short because he doesn't like long hair; second boyfriend was forcing me into sex even though I wasn't ready and when he didn't succeed he actually called me "spoiled and juvenile"; my ex husband nagging me for being shy and introvert and not liking to socialize; my ex telling me I am "too demanding in relationship" because I said I really wanted more relaxed and spontaneous relationship and he forced that we schedule each our date to an hour because his "life schedule must be followed to a minute" (but mine doesn't). We met like 1-2 times a week for 3-5 hours when and where he decides and when I said multiple times I want more relaxed and spontaneous meetings I was "to demanding". I have rotten taste in men.
For years I've been hearing the old adage about men marrying women never wanting them to change while women supposedly marry men expecting to change them. It simply isn't true. Men are just as likely to try to mold a partner into their fantasy image.
After reading the stories I wonder what attracted the women in those men. For example the OP about the being educated and cerebral. He surely wasn't a as educated as she was. So what made her start something with him? Really interested in knowing this.
Also, why did the guys choose to date the women? Especially the ones who didn't like skin colour etc, it's pretty obvious from the start
Load More Replies...I'm not a woman, but my gf recently broke up with me for being 'too needy'. This was three days after I was in an accident and had 3 broken ribs and several other minor injuries that required 30 stitches. Men don't have a monopoly in unreasonable behaviour in relationships.
Ex once told me "You're not pretty or beautiful but you're cute." Gee thanks. What a way to boost my self esteem. He Also gave me HPV.
Long stories short, stop trying to change other people. Especially other grown ax adults. There's a difference between getting someone their own tube of toothpaste because they can't seem to put the cap back on, or asking for considerations like putting the toilet seat down,etc. (common courtesies) rather than ask them to change something that is inherently reflective of their personality or is part of their core basic person.
In conclusion,I 'm never dating or getting married.Just wanna travel and learn a lot and obviously die as young as possible. :)
Mine basically tried to control how I talked and what words I used to describe something, simply because he didn't like it
My ex once told me I couldn't go on testosterone until I was at least 18 because there's a slight chance that it could make me a little bit taller and he wanted to be the tall one. Even if it did make me taller I still wouldn't have been taller than him
My husband, RIP, always made me look down and I couldn't speak unless he said so. I wasn't allowed to wear makeup or cut my hair. He was abusive, VERY ABUSIVE!!!! Tge day I left him, after being beaten, i went and had my hair, which was nearly past my butt shaved off. I haven't had long hair since. It's always in a pixie cut and i wear makeup daily even if not going anywhere. I still have a hard time looking up to speak to men.
You're an amazing human,I've always liked you on BP.I hope you have a great day!
Load More Replies...The s**t y'all put up with us insane. Nothing I read in how y'all get treated is acceptable. Slim pickings I'm guessing
I'm loud and funny and a very "huggy" person. As soon as the ring went on my finger he informed me that I was too loud, my jokes were inappropriate & that I was not ALLOWED to hug any male who wasn't a family member (my best friend was a guy). Um - ALLOWED? Yeah, he lasted less than a year.
Everyone has a life story, I am so happy to have my lover back again after 8 good months of separation. I never thought we will live a happy life together again, but today, I am so glad for what ( Priestess Joy Onobun ) the spell caster did for me as she cast a reconciliation love spell for me to bring back my Ex to live together with me again. My testimony to everyone who is in the same situation as i was,should Contact The Great Dr Onobun now and Get your problem solved... WhatsApp................2349155287171 Email..............onobuntemple@gmail.com https://www.facebook.com/Onobunlovespell-103169402195792/ http://dronobunspellhome.blogspot.com
Seeing the comments about toxic behavior guys have experienced, I seriously would love it if someone would make their own article about it. I'm sure there's enough to fill an equally f*cked up list.
the fact that i tended to be knowledgeable about things that men are 'supposed' to know as well as the fact that i have always been pretty androgenous with my hobbies and activities. i was an only child who had a strong independent minded parents who wanted their daughter to be able to do things for herself. like fix a car while also making elegant dinners. i'm good at both feminine and masculine. he finally got used to it but i know it bothered him.
Where do all these monsters come from, and how do we send them back where they came from?
I briefly dated a guy who kept telling me I needed to work out more. I was very thin at the time, but apparently not as toned as he wanted. He'd even point out other women who were in great shape and say "you could look like that!" He wasn't in good shape himself, of course.
It was so inconvenient for me to get up early on Sunday to attend Church. Saturday could be 5am for horseback riding, 6am for work during the week or whatever, but Church that started at 10am was just not possible.
My friend's ex ran over her with his car because he was pissed off with her. He would always put her down and try to control her. But the truth is I reversed the genders - my friend is a guy and the ex is a girl. My point: women can be just as toxic.
Uh if you read there were toxic girlfriends in the thread too. "Exes" don't have to be just men (Lesbians and bi people exist)
Load More Replies...If you bothered to read the post there were complaints about women too
Load More Replies...The question was originally posted on: r/AskWomen If you ask women a question, you will likely get an answer from women...
Load More Replies...