A wedding is a beautiful thing. When done correctly, it's a personal celebration of love; a proverbial fusion of two souls into one.
At its worst, however, it can morph into a money-hungry industry, chasing after every penny in your pocket.
This is largely because there are a lot of outdated and quite frankly superficial customs that have been carrying on for far too long, mainly due to social inertia.
Interested in these cases, Reddit user u/mathsoprano17 posted a question on the platform: "What's the dumbest wedding tradition?" And they got plenty of replies.
Below, you will find some of the most popular ones that should make you rethink what a typical modern ceremony ought to look like.
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Bachelor parties at strip clubs/ Vegas hotel rooms with a private stripper.
Your last hoorah was before you started dating her, not the night before you get married. Stop acting like being faithful is some kind of funeral.
It's getting more absurd with each passing year. It went from a night out with the guys/girls to one-week vacation abroad. Why??
Going deeply into debt to make it happen in the first place.
American bride fantasy. Growing up believing the wedding has to be a princess fairytale.
Expecting your friends to spend thousands of dollars on you with stupid destination bachelor parties, dress/tux rentals, hotels, miscellaneous b******t.
Smashing a cake in the groom/bride face. Seen too many where they really smash them with the cake
Rehearsal dinners and all the pre-wedding events are b******t. They are unnecessary money spent. If you need to rehearse getting married, then you've complicated your damn ceremony. Get engaged, walk up to your fiance/finacee, say "I do", eat and end the day. S**t.
Removing the garter, the following garter toss, and application on another woman. That s**t is just weird.
This is the one I hate the most. Especially when the groom climbs under her dress and removes it with his teeth. Luckily, I've only ever seen this in a wedding photo and have never had to suffer through it in real life. It's such a crass thing to do. Especially in front of your older relatives.
Color matching outfits for the attendants. Those dresses are always ugly and can never be worn outside the wedding. When I got married, I chose an easy color scheme and told my bride maid and maid of honor to match it with whatever they had. They looked lovely.
It's not that they can't be worn outside the wedding it's that normally the bride picks ugly dresses so she looks pretty. So how about these brides cowboy up and stop with the ugly dresses.
Diamond rings. Didn't become a thing until the 30s when DeBeers made it a thing and had been profitiing ever since.
I feel like I'm gonna be one of the very few people to think this, but I think the whole 'be given away at the alter' thing is weird. When I get married, I'm walking myself down the aisle.
This is probably because I'm just not close with anyone besides my boyfriend (and obviously he can't simultainiously walk me down the aisle and be at the alter), but I've just never liked that tradition.
Maybe this is just me, but the wedding cake.
Over priced, silly, they all pretty much look the same. They're like 90% frosting, and even if you try to get a nice cake, they taste like sandpaper after the six hours they have to be out to be decorated. No one at the party actually wants to eat it, so you end up with about eighty pounds of left over cake.
My husband and I went to a local cupcake shop and order cupcakes, all different varieties. They were made fresh and decorated the morning of, low on frosting because we asked. We put them nicely on the table and when the party was done, we had boxes for everyone to take some home in. People took them into work or school the next day, and it was like we were sharing our happiness with the whole world.
Disagree here. The cake doesn’t have to be some extravagant thing, but people enjoy eating it (if cake is good!). And you can do the take home boxes with slices of the cake too.
Agree, we got a local Baker to make ours. It was a fraction of the price.
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My wedding cake looked simple but still with the traditional 3 tiers. Each tier was a different flavor and it was all DELICIOUS! Wedding cakes don't have to taste nasty - get a decent baker and do a cake tasting. Also, grocery store bakeries are an underutilized resource in my opinion. Not all of them make the 3:1 frosting/icing:cake ratios, especially if you ask them not to!
I bought my cakes from the cheesecake shop. 1 chocolate, 1 vanilla and 1 caramel all different sizes. I hired a three tier cake stand and ordered 3 floral cake toppers. Couldn't fathom spending $300+ on a wedding cake.
That is a good idea, but my friend made my wedding cake and it was freaking delicious for days afterwards. Man I want to eat it again right now
My sister HATES fruitcake and always swore she'd never have one at her wedding. Sure enough, when the big day came the wedding cake was... a triple decker fancied up GIANT LAMINGTON. (We're Australian, in case you didn't already guess). It looked amazing *and* tasted great!
I just looked up Lamington cake and DAMN, I NEED TO TRY THAT. We all know fruitcake is rank, anyway.
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The smart way to go about it is get a decoration cake, then have caterers serve sheet cake.
That's exactly what we did. It was all the same cake and frosting, and no one noticed.
Load More Replies... We had a secret sheet cake in back. Cut the small fancy one, served pieces of the same cake in sheet cake form to everyone, saved hundreds and hundreds of dollars. We had friends who did cupcakes or smaller cakes for each table, too. One had a candy buffet. Another friend who loves pie did wedding pies instead of cake. So many confectionary possibilities!
Ummm, I love cake and I curse couples who don't have cake at their weddings. Sorry, but a party with no cake is no party to me. If you don't want cake, tell me ahead of time and i'll bring a sheet cake from Costco for us to share. ;)
We got a regular sheet cake at Walmart we had a small wedding. It did good still had two pieces left. And it was yummy
We bought a grocery store cake! It was made to look like a sand castle and tinted blue. Tasted good, was cheap. Win win.
after the meal, we served a big dessert tabel crepe suzette, omelette siberienne, bavarois, javanais, you name it... much cheaper in fact than a cake - and loads better
OMG - my sister & I sampled cakes for weeks. Finally decided on Great Cakes & Edible Monuments in Redmond (Bellevue?), WA. The cake was 3 layers, large enough for 150 guests & so perfectly, simply elegant. The day of and my family gets to the the reception venue first. They delivered the WRONG cake. This monstrosity had BLUE roses melting down the side. Oh, it was just awful. Sister was cool - sh*t happens, let's not let it ruin anything. Yeah, until she got back from her honeymoon. She contacted the bakery with pictures of the wrong cake. The said all they could do was refund her deposit (about 1/3 of the $500 or so she paid) while someone else got HER cake . Called & complained repeatedly to no avail. Well, I'm a good big sister, so I made nice big signs and we picketed for 3 days in front of their door. She blew up (whatever social media was the deal in 2010) and she finally got a full refund. OH, btw - they're out of business now.
At my son's wedding we had mini bundt cakes. At my daughter's wedding we had macaroons and petit fours.
At my son’s wedding, his MIL bought a cake and decorated it simply, but beautifully, just for cutting and photographing purposes.
My bff did this. They arranged the cupcakes beautifully and displayed their small "topper" cake (basically what would be the top of the wedding cake). They froze it so they could enjoy it on their first year anniversary.
some ppl order a cake which consists of smaller cakes. i think it is genius. also tge wedding cake usually isnt tge only cake. we have otger cakes there, sometimes guests bring cakes and at the end everyone brings cakes home. that is what we do here
We had an amazing simple cake that a friend made for us, I did part of the topper and bought a couple of bears to go with it (the groom has a bowtie and the bride a veil and garter). Not a slice was left and as the only souvenir we got the cake toppers. Was in line with our "wedding party": a simple "asado" (bbq) with family and friends, didn't go bankrupt to share our happiness and everyone spent an awesome day 🥰
I’ve made wedding cakes for family members and although they were big they were the dessert too. Two birds with one cake 😁
A friend who feels the same way insisted on wedding pie. He picked out six different flavors, and every table had a selection.
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Because it was a "wedding" cake, the two-tier cake for the fairly simple wedding (35 guests) of my daughter and SIL was $450! This was one of those cakes where it's iced so thinly that you see the cake through it. No special design and only sugared berries and edible flowers on top. It's was DELICIOUS, but ridiculous price.
My godmother did various kinds of dessert and a small cake. Best idea I thought.
It certainly depends on the cake. We had sponge cake layers with gooseberry mousse and chocolate/liquorice mousse. In fondant. Sounds weird but tasted amazing. No sawdust cake in sight 😉
We were lucky that an aunt had a semi-professional cake making/decorating business, so we were lucky that we go both - a nice personalised cake AND something worth eating. But agree that it shouldn't be for the looks alone.
Now, this marriage is going to last. They folks thought ahead and made sensible plans.
my wedding cake was what WE wanted - CHEESECAKE - three layers, different flavors. TOTAL YUM.
I understand, cool idea, but I also believe that cake is just a vehicle for frosting. ;)
Had a friend make a red velvet cake. We went two tier rather than some huge monstrosity. Almost none was left.
Cake from my (first) wedding is still the best tasting cake I've ever had. Just amazing.
I got lucky. My aunt loved baking on the side and she made mine as a gift. It was so beautiful and delicious.
When I got married my husband's aunt volunteered to do the cake. I am Super Duper Cheap and I love simple things and she just COULD NOT understand why I wanted a very tiny, plain white cake with NOTHING on it. I added fresh red rosebuds from Walmart. It was gorgeous and cost me six dollars. I got my bouquet from Walmart too. It was another six dollars.
Cupcakes have become more standard at weddings which is nice. I mean, it's basically a small confined cake. Honestly, my favorite cake is carrot cake so I'd make a little carrot cake for myself and just make cupcakes or even some kind of fruit dessert for the guests. You don't have to have some cake monstrosity. One of the things that really drives me crazy is you see these gorgeous cakes on pinterest or something and it makes you want to get them but when you do, you realize the reason they're so beautiful is because the entire top and sides are made of fondant which is kind of nasty. But fondant is easy to manipulate and design on. So yeah, you'll get a pretty cake that looks like a forest or marble or something, but it's going to taste kind of yucky. Better hope the inside is delicious.
My stepmom made my cakes. She did an amazing job! You couldn't tell it wasn't professionally done and I got to have both chocolate and funfetti cake :)
We decided against a big sit-down wedding dinner and instead had a buffet. Neither of us wanted a formal wedding cake-traditionally it's fruit cake here (Ireland). We went with profiteroles-we had a croquembouche which was a huge pyramid of profiteroles covered in a caramel brittle, and a second profiterole tower covered in chocolate. That served as dessert for the buffet, there was no cutting the cake ceremony, it was "pull the profiterole" instead.
Yep! We got a cute little cake from a local bakery for us to cut and a variety of fancy cupcakes for the guests. It was still the most expensive part of our wedding.
Why the downvote? Didn’t I convey the sarcasm well enough?
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Wedding showers. Being a female person, I get invited to a lot of these, and they're all pretty much the same: sitting around eating finger sandwiches, tentatively sipping white wine, and watching the bride open boilerplate registry gifts and Bed Bath & Beyond gift cards for 3 hours. No thanks.
I've been a bridesmaid in 3 weddings. In all of them, I had to "pair up" with a groomsman, who I was expected to flirt with and "act like a couple" with. This was usually for photos, but also for walking down the aisle. In all three cases, I didn't know the groomsmen and didn't appreciate the implication that we were a couple just because we had to walk together down the aisle.
For example, i had to take group photos where the groomsman I was paired with had to dip me and look lovingly into my eyes. I don't even know that guy's name. At my sister's wedding, I had to walk down the aisle arm-in-arm with my brother-in-law's brother (I was 13, he was 22) and he had to kiss my hand. This was all orchestrated by the mothers-in-law who thought it was precious.
I also had to take pictures where all the bridesmaids would swoon over the groom (and vice versa with groomsmen and the bride), with the implication that we are all jealous that the bride got such a great catch and we wish WE were getting married to him. I was there to support my friend on her wedding day by being her bridesmaid - I am NOT there to secretly undermine her or feel envious.
When I eventually got married, I had a consultation with my photographer. I whipped out these photos and said, 'I don't want THAT.' She laughed and said she hated those too.
Having only girls on the bride's wedding party and only males on the grooms side.
Asking the father or the parents for their permission or blessing. I'm not marrying a child here. I'm marrying an adult who can make her own decisions.
Nothing wrong with asking for a blessing, it's a sign that their family is accepting you in. The Permission is a relic from a different time when a fathers permission was required. But what is wrong with a blessing of support? You want the other family to show full acceptance.
Spending tens of thousands of dollars on a stupid ceremony that is nothing but a showboat of gaudy excess and barely anything to do with the relationship.
The bride being expected to wear white. I've told people I don't want a white wedding dress when and if I get married and you wouldn't believe the looks of disbelief and horror I've gotten in return.
Wear whatever colour you want, it’s your wedding not theirs. I wore a red.
That the brides family should pay for the wedding. I know it's becoming less common. I have a single mom (dad passed away when I was little) and I know she felt terrible about not being able to contribute more to my wedding. I, knowing my mom has a single income, would never expect my mother to pay for my wedding. I'm not putting down any bride whose family is fortunate enough to pay for their wedding, i just don't think it should be the expectation anymore. Anyways, we had a beautiful wedding and we paid for the majority of it on our own.
Throwing confetti (or rice) at the couple outside the front doors of the church after the ceremony to wish them "good luck."
The pastor of one church asked those in attendance to "please throw $20 bills instead to spare the sexton a huge clean-up job."
I think it's meant to symbolise fertility - rose petals, blowing bubbles are some ways it can be done without the clean up or ill birds.
This is a bit late but there is a tradition in Sweden where if the groom leaves the room without the bride every man in the formentioned room is allowed (or have) to kiss the bride.
I would to so far as to say that it's a bit weird,
For me, wedding itself is a pretty dumb tradition.
You're going to start a life with your future partner and you toss all you life savings on a one night celebration.
My partner and I got married at the registry, essentially for a work visa (so romantic!). 10 years later to the day, we had a party as a "reception". It was fun, we got to have a bit of a fancy party and get dressed up, and our marriage had 10 solid years behind it, so it wasn't wasted effort.
Forcing several of your closest friends to spend hundreds of dollars on a dress, or a tux rental, to literally stand in the front of the church with you. Other than the best man and maid/matron/man of honor, there's no purpose.
If you go casual and let people wear their own stuff, it's not so bad.
We asked our groomsmen to just wear a white shirt, black pants and a black tie. We offered to pay for them but all the groomsmen already had them. So easy done.
The idea of throwing a party for gazillion people, because 'they are family!'. No, if I haven't seen them for last 20 years they are not. The whole general social concept of a modern wedding is just stupid. People spending much more they can afford on one night, that is stressful and makes them hate each other and scream at each other. Blah.
edit: grammar
My father flew up, my brother drove down. All others where my husband's family and our kids. Total 20 people. It was beautiful. We paid for food and our clothing, mil paid for decorating, and everyone brought their own booze.
Inviting people you don't like, who you never see and have a greater than 50% chance of ruining the event.
Then paying $250 a head for the privilege.
Apparently there is a weird tradition that it's bad luck for the bride to walk down the aisle at the rehearsal and some other girl/woman is supposed to walk down and stand with the groom. My wife said "screw that" and walked herself. Why would she want to sit and watch some other girl our age stand up there with me and the preacher the day before the wedding?
Engagement rings. Obscene waste of money to support an evil industry.
It could be basic design to match the lady's personality. Doesn't have to be full of diamonds.
I'm getting married next month.
I think most of the traditions are dumb.
- I don't want to do a first dance with everyone staring at me. Awkward and unnecessary.
- I don't want to take the garter off of her and throw it to some dudes.
- The dollar dance is dumb
- I wish "Give me money" was an acceptable registry for wedding gifts. No, no gift cards. Money. I've been hassled relentlessly for months about what gifts I want. I want money because this wedding is expensive. That's it.
- The tradition of pricing everything up once the word "wedding" is mentioned. Great photoshoot for your family -- $300. Wedding photos of the same quality and quantity -- $1500. Yeah, I'll gladly just have friends whip out an iPhone and take pics and edit them myself.
The over the top spending in general. I'm now divorced; however, when I got married... I was excited to BE married... I wasn't excited to GET married. I think there's too much of an emphasis on rings, gowns, and impressing all of your guests. I walked into the bridal shop, tried on ONE dress, and said "Ok, good to go!" I believe it was maybe $250. We ordered our rings off of Amazon for probably $50-$75 each, at the most.
A wedding should be about celebrating a commitment to one another, not spending a down payment on a house to throw a party, in my opinion. This holds true, especially, for those people that spend money they don't have on it. I could have just walked down to the courthouse with my ex and been just as happy. I would rather have the money to save for a home for a future family or a college fund for future kids than on a single day of my life.
"A wedding should be about celebrating a commitment to one another, not spending a down payment on a house to throw a party, in my opinion." AGREE!
The woman buying her dress. I mean why? In theory you will only wear it once. It makes more sense for the guy to buy his tux, there's at least a chance he'll wear it again.
I have been with my hubby for 20 years and he has never worn a tux. Not even for our own wedding.
All the flowers arrangements. I have been to so many weddings where there are amazing, expensive displays on all the tables, down the aisle, etc. etc. It's a lot of money to spend, and totally not worth it (put it toward the food!). Though it can be amusing to see people fight over them once the event is over.
I had someone use food tins, cheap yellow flowers and leftover ribbons tied on the cans, taken the labels off, of course. Loved how amazing it looked.
Just had my wedding back in May. It was AWESOME because if I don't know you, or talk to you, or visit you, and you don't know my birthday, where I work, that I'm even engaged, what state I live in... no, I'm not inviting you. Sorry.
My best friend got married over the weekend. I didn't get to see or talk to her at all during the reception because they were stuck walking around talking to extended family. F**k that noise. I wanna get wasted and dance. It's a party! She did get a f**k ton of presents though.
Brides jumping into water with their wedding dress on.
You could drown idiot!
Registering for gifts. Giving gift cards instead of cash, although this applies to more than just weddings.
I mean, we eventually spent the $1200 in Target gift cards, but it would've been cool to spend it at other places as well.
Yes, cold hard cash please! Not just for the wedding, you can give it to me ANY time!
Being expected to have a dance. I hate dancing I've never ever liked it (no not even as a child) and basically everyone tells me that ill have fun dancing because it'll be my wedding day blah blah. Seriously. I always think it'd be fun to go bowling or something but get a third degree burn for not wanting to dance on my wedding day. Maybe the rest of the people there could dance while i enjoy spending time with all the people who came to my wedding
Note: this post originally had 40 images. It’s been shortened to the top 35 images based on user votes.
Dear Americans, most of these are your traditions. You can choose not to follow them. People could wear nice clothes of their own choosing, no wedding showers, rehearsal dinners, demeaning garter throwing, or absurd expenses. A lot less debt-inducing and much more fun! In other parts of the world we have some silly stuff too, like the Swedish one and the dad walking the bride to her groom. But we’re working on that. Don’t listen to the salespeople and do what makes you happy!
This is what I was thinking the whole way through this article. I have never seen or heard of most of these traditions. My wedding cake was a dense fruit cake, you could have broken someone's nose if you smashed it into their face (we kept the bottom layer, soaked in plenty of brandy and used it as my son's christening cake)
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One I loathe is the clinking of glasses to get the couple to kiss. I hate the noise. I hate the spectacle. I hate the "command performance" feeling. We told everyone we weren't going to do it, but a few of my aunts tried it, anyway. George planted a smooch on his best man's cheek, and I kissed one of my pals on the top of the head. They didn't clink glasses any more after that. Guys, if a couple says they don't want to do a thing at their wedding, don't try to force them to do the thing.
Wedding speeches: I hated writing it, I hated saying it. The fact I had to stand up in front of everyone and speak with all eyes on me was just horrible and made me anxious. Rest of the night was great though.
I didn't write it - I just ad-libbed on the day, as if I was having a funny chat at a bar with friends. Needless to say I said some off-colour stuff but who cares. It was just for laughs.
Load More Replies... Do it Amanda. My goddaughter is getting married in Vegas next month, she has my wholehearted approval, all I ask is photos!
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My husband and I had a $100 wedding, but his brother's weddings were much more lavish. The brother (let's call him Mike) got married to the same woman three times on two different continents. To raise money, the bride shook her behind at the New England wedding and invited people to stuff money in her garter, all while chanting, "Money! Money! Money!" If that's not a sign of the Apocalypse, I don't know what is.
It doesn't help because people lie. It happened to me and now I'm stuck.
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Let me add some from Serbia: On the day of the wedding, groom needs to go to pick up his best men and then the best men and family need to have some food/drinks - stupid and unnecesary expence. Then they go to get the bride and then to "buy her" from her brothers (also there are food and drinks) - so r******d. Inviting some people just becouse "they are family" - f**k that i dont even know them, no i do not need them. This will be a day for my future wife and myself. WE talked it out, and no unnecesary guests, no expences, no stupid things. P.S., just to add, people tend to make a big weddings just to "earn" some money (as presents, mostly it is custom here to just give money, tho there are people that do not sign the envelope and just give it empty)
I think what these people want is a village style wedding. They are usually held outside in a clearing in the woods or town square which is free. And the only requirements are music and food and seating for the elderly. No formal wear required. Lots of dancing, socializing, and eating - good times all around. Bonus if the village has some interesting/wacky wedding traditions. I went to one were instead of wedding gifts, the bride and groom are given jackets made up of money (gifts from the attendees) and they are paraded around the village on horses.
Why label them as dumb? Many may have had a had a reason to exist in the first place, others may be very questionable, if you don't like them just don't do them, but don't judge people for doing them. I don't believe a did any of them in my wedding, but I don't label the traditions as dumb just because I don't like them or disagree with them.
Don't waste your time 'hoping these will disappear.' Do what you want at your wedding. I've been to many the last few years that adhered to NONE of these things. Also - some people do things differently. At the last rehearsal dinner I went to? It didn't cost 'thousands,' we ate at an Applebee's and we all paid for our own meal. I've NEVER, NEVER spent *thousands* on the newlyweds. If they expected it - I ignored it. If I can't afford something - I don't do it. I own one of those 'ugly' bridesmaids dresses. I wear it out at least once a month, and it wasn't chosen to make me look ugly. These sound like over-the-top couples and bridezillas.
The vows: "Til death do us part." How morbid! How about, Through life, one at heart."?
Yeah, I insisted on deleting the "I promise to obey" BS from the vows. I did not promise to obey then, I do not promise today, and probably won't in the future. Best he knows what he's signing up for, I reckon.
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I find it interesting that the whole garter tossing thing is mentioned twice but no mention of tossing the bouquet.
I threw the bouquet. All of the women just stared at it and watched it fall to the floor. It was one of the funniest moments I'd experienced until then, and it was perfect commentary on, well, everything!
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Weddings are a terrible tradition. The only thing important is that your partner is someone you want to share your life with. Everything is just LEGAL issues. Marriage is important. Weddings are stupid.
In Malta they have something called Stand Up weddings - it means weddings with no seating. People just mingle and dance all night. I found myself pregnant this year, and we had 3 weddings. Standing up all night looking all nice and fancy is fun, but doing that and being pregnant is hard. Honestly I had to leave the most beautiful wedding I ever seen early, as it was too difficult for me not to have a seat. My legs were so swollen, that people started to point it out.
Interesting, sounds fun. Although they should have a couple of chairs around for people who can't stand for long.
Load More Replies... American "traditions".... they don't apply in Europe. We had a small wedding with 50 people, family and friends from Germany, France, Italy, Norway and it was 1. not so expensive 2. most important it was fun!
I'm American and loved the European weddings I attended! I don't know if it's the norm, but for a family friend in Germany there was no expensive catering - a bunch of families each brought a lovely cake (there were at least 20 cakes) and the brides mom and aunts made a simple and delicious buffet meal. No bridal party, no speeches, just the ceremony and then eating, drinking, and dancing
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Honestly: just the entire concept of marriage. Why does anyone need to get the government involved and sign a legal document declaring your romantic partnership?
I think the more the years pass the more people don't realize all those traditions come from far away. The bridesmaids are supposed to be ugly in order to keep the evil spirits away from the bride. Now it either means you have a lot of friends and want to show off or you have a lot of money. Some of the weird traditions above I've never heard of, like relocating the garter on someone else's thigh.
Every wedding I've been to makes me not want to have one of my own. I'd probably just do a backyard wedding with a potluck. I don't understand the need for so much fancy nonsense..the most I'd want to spend is for the photographer.
We had our wedding at our favourite provincial park, camping! My dress was $10 from Wish and we had a taco bar. Everyone floated down the river on fun floats (unicorns, dragons, donuts, pizza, you get the idea), flowers were fake, no stupid garter. Free wine and beer for the guests and it was marvellous!
Here's two traditions not on the list that I never saw a purpose to. 1. Needing to get down on one knee to propose. Why? If someone is going to propose, just do it. There's no reason to get on a knee. 2. The groom not seeing the bride before the wedding. That one makes no sense at all.
Just getting married in general. You can be in a relationship for as long as you want. You don't have to bring a piece of paper into it. And if it doesn't work out, divorces aren't expensive! Break ups are free! Been with my dude for over 6 years, and I would never dream of getting married. I don't see the purpose or the need to.
These are mainly US "traditions" dreamed up by capitalism to rid as many people as possible of their $$$. You indulge yourselves in such privilege and expectation that couples use weddings as self-indulgent money-making events - always finding another thing to tag on to the build-up for the bride's ego. The evidence of this is how the US couples seem to offload the cost of wedding party (bridesmaids/groomsmen/ushers) outfits on to the individuals and not picked up by the bride/'s parents. A gift registry is sensible to avoid 10 toasters, and in the UK couples generally have them at John Lewis (Never knowingly undersold), and have a range of priced options from a can opener to a whole dinner service (or even a single side plate) - so pretty egalitarian. And there's still the option to go off-piste with a hand-carved rocking chair. Generally speaking, if close family have travelled some distance and are gathered in the same city or even hotel for the nuptials, then lunch or dinner the day/eve before the wedding is usual as an ice breaker for the families to meet, usually hosted by the bride's parents. But there is no 'rehearsal' of anything. (I think that might arise when weddings take place elsewhere than churches?) Showers are just a 'give me attention' moment for a needy, insecure woman who is about to realise disappointment begins here. It's one tradition to throw the bouquet, something else entirely for a male guest to be cajoled into removing the bride's garter with his teeth as a showpiece! (I had to do that in Canada, traumatising). Of course, the father giving away his daughter was part of the financial transaction of a marriage before the church took control of marriage. The father would jointly hand over the bride and the dowry.
A lot of these have been faking by the wayside for decades. Like seriously. If you don't want to spend a ton of money then don't. You aren't being forced into doing anything at all that you don't want to do on your big day. You want a red dress a'la Blanche Devereux by all means have that red dress. Just do what you want to do and don't listen to anyone else. Some of these "traditions" are ones I've never heard of. Like making the bridesmaid and groomsman flirt with each other. If that's what it takes being in your wedding no thank you I'll sit in the audience. And you don't have to spend a fortune either. My wedding with everything included (my dress, his tux, food, venues, bridesmaids/groomsmen) was less than $1500.
If you don't like the tradition, don't do it. It's that simple. Or modify it to suit yourself. I was 'given away' by my sister, who was delighted to do so, she'd been trying to do that for years (sibling jk
Teasing) only things about weddings I don't understand by people do is the strive for bride (princess) perfection at other's expense, and going deep into debt.
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Have your wedding the way you want, none of these are compulsory. I've had a big wedding the first time, hated it, ended in divorce. I'm now married and did the wedding our way - literally just us, our 4 kids and both our mums followed by a lovely meal and a surprise announcement to our family - no-one knew that that we were getting married that day, they were tricked into coming to the right place and told the kids it was a family members wedding we were heading to - they were told 5 minutes before it happened. Wouldn't change any of it. But, yeah, you don't have to do any of these traditions if it doesn't appeal to you - nothing bad will happen if you don't
Dear Americans, most of these are your traditions. You can choose not to follow them. People could wear nice clothes of their own choosing, no wedding showers, rehearsal dinners, demeaning garter throwing, or absurd expenses. A lot less debt-inducing and much more fun! In other parts of the world we have some silly stuff too, like the Swedish one and the dad walking the bride to her groom. But we’re working on that. Don’t listen to the salespeople and do what makes you happy!
This is what I was thinking the whole way through this article. I have never seen or heard of most of these traditions. My wedding cake was a dense fruit cake, you could have broken someone's nose if you smashed it into their face (we kept the bottom layer, soaked in plenty of brandy and used it as my son's christening cake)
Load More Replies... One I loathe is the clinking of glasses to get the couple to kiss. I hate the noise. I hate the spectacle. I hate the "command performance" feeling. We told everyone we weren't going to do it, but a few of my aunts tried it, anyway. George planted a smooch on his best man's cheek, and I kissed one of my pals on the top of the head. They didn't clink glasses any more after that. Guys, if a couple says they don't want to do a thing at their wedding, don't try to force them to do the thing.
Wedding speeches: I hated writing it, I hated saying it. The fact I had to stand up in front of everyone and speak with all eyes on me was just horrible and made me anxious. Rest of the night was great though.
I didn't write it - I just ad-libbed on the day, as if I was having a funny chat at a bar with friends. Needless to say I said some off-colour stuff but who cares. It was just for laughs.
Load More Replies... Do it Amanda. My goddaughter is getting married in Vegas next month, she has my wholehearted approval, all I ask is photos!
Load More Replies... My husband and I had a $100 wedding, but his brother's weddings were much more lavish. The brother (let's call him Mike) got married to the same woman three times on two different continents. To raise money, the bride shook her behind at the New England wedding and invited people to stuff money in her garter, all while chanting, "Money! Money! Money!" If that's not a sign of the Apocalypse, I don't know what is.
It doesn't help because people lie. It happened to me and now I'm stuck.
Load More Replies... Let me add some from Serbia: On the day of the wedding, groom needs to go to pick up his best men and then the best men and family need to have some food/drinks - stupid and unnecesary expence. Then they go to get the bride and then to "buy her" from her brothers (also there are food and drinks) - so r******d. Inviting some people just becouse "they are family" - f**k that i dont even know them, no i do not need them. This will be a day for my future wife and myself. WE talked it out, and no unnecesary guests, no expences, no stupid things. P.S., just to add, people tend to make a big weddings just to "earn" some money (as presents, mostly it is custom here to just give money, tho there are people that do not sign the envelope and just give it empty)
I think what these people want is a village style wedding. They are usually held outside in a clearing in the woods or town square which is free. And the only requirements are music and food and seating for the elderly. No formal wear required. Lots of dancing, socializing, and eating - good times all around. Bonus if the village has some interesting/wacky wedding traditions. I went to one were instead of wedding gifts, the bride and groom are given jackets made up of money (gifts from the attendees) and they are paraded around the village on horses.
Why label them as dumb? Many may have had a had a reason to exist in the first place, others may be very questionable, if you don't like them just don't do them, but don't judge people for doing them. I don't believe a did any of them in my wedding, but I don't label the traditions as dumb just because I don't like them or disagree with them.
Don't waste your time 'hoping these will disappear.' Do what you want at your wedding. I've been to many the last few years that adhered to NONE of these things. Also - some people do things differently. At the last rehearsal dinner I went to? It didn't cost 'thousands,' we ate at an Applebee's and we all paid for our own meal. I've NEVER, NEVER spent *thousands* on the newlyweds. If they expected it - I ignored it. If I can't afford something - I don't do it. I own one of those 'ugly' bridesmaids dresses. I wear it out at least once a month, and it wasn't chosen to make me look ugly. These sound like over-the-top couples and bridezillas.
The vows: "Til death do us part." How morbid! How about, Through life, one at heart."?
Yeah, I insisted on deleting the "I promise to obey" BS from the vows. I did not promise to obey then, I do not promise today, and probably won't in the future. Best he knows what he's signing up for, I reckon.
Load More Replies... I find it interesting that the whole garter tossing thing is mentioned twice but no mention of tossing the bouquet.
I threw the bouquet. All of the women just stared at it and watched it fall to the floor. It was one of the funniest moments I'd experienced until then, and it was perfect commentary on, well, everything!
Load More Replies... Weddings are a terrible tradition. The only thing important is that your partner is someone you want to share your life with. Everything is just LEGAL issues. Marriage is important. Weddings are stupid.
In Malta they have something called Stand Up weddings - it means weddings with no seating. People just mingle and dance all night. I found myself pregnant this year, and we had 3 weddings. Standing up all night looking all nice and fancy is fun, but doing that and being pregnant is hard. Honestly I had to leave the most beautiful wedding I ever seen early, as it was too difficult for me not to have a seat. My legs were so swollen, that people started to point it out.
Interesting, sounds fun. Although they should have a couple of chairs around for people who can't stand for long.
Load More Replies... American "traditions".... they don't apply in Europe. We had a small wedding with 50 people, family and friends from Germany, France, Italy, Norway and it was 1. not so expensive 2. most important it was fun!
I'm American and loved the European weddings I attended! I don't know if it's the norm, but for a family friend in Germany there was no expensive catering - a bunch of families each brought a lovely cake (there were at least 20 cakes) and the brides mom and aunts made a simple and delicious buffet meal. No bridal party, no speeches, just the ceremony and then eating, drinking, and dancing
Load More Replies... Honestly: just the entire concept of marriage. Why does anyone need to get the government involved and sign a legal document declaring your romantic partnership?
I think the more the years pass the more people don't realize all those traditions come from far away. The bridesmaids are supposed to be ugly in order to keep the evil spirits away from the bride. Now it either means you have a lot of friends and want to show off or you have a lot of money. Some of the weird traditions above I've never heard of, like relocating the garter on someone else's thigh.
Every wedding I've been to makes me not want to have one of my own. I'd probably just do a backyard wedding with a potluck. I don't understand the need for so much fancy nonsense..the most I'd want to spend is for the photographer.
We had our wedding at our favourite provincial park, camping! My dress was $10 from Wish and we had a taco bar. Everyone floated down the river on fun floats (unicorns, dragons, donuts, pizza, you get the idea), flowers were fake, no stupid garter. Free wine and beer for the guests and it was marvellous!
Here's two traditions not on the list that I never saw a purpose to. 1. Needing to get down on one knee to propose. Why? If someone is going to propose, just do it. There's no reason to get on a knee. 2. The groom not seeing the bride before the wedding. That one makes no sense at all.
Just getting married in general. You can be in a relationship for as long as you want. You don't have to bring a piece of paper into it. And if it doesn't work out, divorces aren't expensive! Break ups are free! Been with my dude for over 6 years, and I would never dream of getting married. I don't see the purpose or the need to.
These are mainly US "traditions" dreamed up by capitalism to rid as many people as possible of their $$$. You indulge yourselves in such privilege and expectation that couples use weddings as self-indulgent money-making events - always finding another thing to tag on to the build-up for the bride's ego. The evidence of this is how the US couples seem to offload the cost of wedding party (bridesmaids/groomsmen/ushers) outfits on to the individuals and not picked up by the bride/'s parents. A gift registry is sensible to avoid 10 toasters, and in the UK couples generally have them at John Lewis (Never knowingly undersold), and have a range of priced options from a can opener to a whole dinner service (or even a single side plate) - so pretty egalitarian. And there's still the option to go off-piste with a hand-carved rocking chair. Generally speaking, if close family have travelled some distance and are gathered in the same city or even hotel for the nuptials, then lunch or dinner the day/eve before the wedding is usual as an ice breaker for the families to meet, usually hosted by the bride's parents. But there is no 'rehearsal' of anything. (I think that might arise when weddings take place elsewhere than churches?) Showers are just a 'give me attention' moment for a needy, insecure woman who is about to realise disappointment begins here. It's one tradition to throw the bouquet, something else entirely for a male guest to be cajoled into removing the bride's garter with his teeth as a showpiece! (I had to do that in Canada, traumatising). Of course, the father giving away his daughter was part of the financial transaction of a marriage before the church took control of marriage. The father would jointly hand over the bride and the dowry.
A lot of these have been faking by the wayside for decades. Like seriously. If you don't want to spend a ton of money then don't. You aren't being forced into doing anything at all that you don't want to do on your big day. You want a red dress a'la Blanche Devereux by all means have that red dress. Just do what you want to do and don't listen to anyone else. Some of these "traditions" are ones I've never heard of. Like making the bridesmaid and groomsman flirt with each other. If that's what it takes being in your wedding no thank you I'll sit in the audience. And you don't have to spend a fortune either. My wedding with everything included (my dress, his tux, food, venues, bridesmaids/groomsmen) was less than $1500.
If you don't like the tradition, don't do it. It's that simple. Or modify it to suit yourself. I was 'given away' by my sister, who was delighted to do so, she'd been trying to do that for years (sibling jk
Teasing) only things about weddings I don't understand by people do is the strive for bride (princess) perfection at other's expense, and going deep into debt.
Load More Replies... Have your wedding the way you want, none of these are compulsory. I've had a big wedding the first time, hated it, ended in divorce. I'm now married and did the wedding our way - literally just us, our 4 kids and both our mums followed by a lovely meal and a surprise announcement to our family - no-one knew that that we were getting married that day, they were tricked into coming to the right place and told the kids it was a family members wedding we were heading to - they were told 5 minutes before it happened. Wouldn't change any of it. But, yeah, you don't have to do any of these traditions if it doesn't appeal to you - nothing bad will happen if you don't
