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What is dead shall never die, and since a written word was never alive, then that means it has the potential to live forever. And you know what kind of written word might just have the best aging potential? Yes, you are absolutely right, for it is puns! But what if those clever puns are about death? For sure, it’s a double whammy of eternal living! So, here we are with our list that has no expiration date, being full of only the best death puns.
Surely, death puns, as a topic, might sound quite grim, but trust us that fun always has a way to sneak right in, even in inherently morbid topics. After all, we are all going to die, so why not meet the scythe with a smile and greet it with a silly pun. That might just up your life expectancy; who knows.
But, that’s probably enough to ponder, so let’s just go and wonder at our collection of the best dark puns that we’ve sourced from all over the internet. And you won’t need to scroll down six feet under to find them, for they are just about six pixels down. The commodity! Once you are there, do not forget to vote for the best death jokes, and, uhm, share this article with your friends?
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#1
Gary’s Last Mic Drop
At the boss’ funeral, a disgruntled employee kneeled next to the coffin and whispered, “Who’s thinking outside the box now, Gary?”
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#2
Not exactly my vibe, honestly
I hate going to funerals because I’m not a mourning person.
#3
Wordplay so deadly it’s criminal
Pun enters a room and kills 10 people. Pun in, ten dead.
#4
When collabs get too literal
My music partner died while we were writing a new song. I guess he's now decomposing.
#5
Guess Science Forgot This Step
Autopsies are a dying practice.
#6
Plot twist: Leaving clues in your will
A will is a dead giveaway.
#7
Well, That Escalated Quickly
The only thing worse than “checking in” at a funeral is tagging the person in the coffin.
#8
Plot twist: Death’s got mad pillow skills
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight! Unless you are ready to handle the reaper cushions.
#9
Dead serious about digital cash
What’s a corpse’s favorite currency? Cryptocurrency.
#10
Plot twist or bad pun?
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. The details are sketchy.
#12
Dark Humor’s Final Boss
Corpses aren’t very funny—they’re dead serious.
Scott Crowell 3 years ago
What about weekend at Bernie's. He looked like he was having a lot of fun for a corpse.
#13
Lifelong Learner, Even Afterlife
The mortician still takes classes, wanting to further her dead-ucation.
#14
Plot Twist: Job Outlook’s Grim
Being a funeral director is a dying profession.
ArodTheHorrible 3 years ago
And not much in the way of creativity, either (thinking outside the box LOL)
#15
When History Drinks Too Hard
The Bourbonic Plague is probably the most likely Black Death version that would hit any person with alcoholic abuse.
Tracy Lymn 3 years ago
Yes very poos- I mean did they spell it wrong on purpose just to do the joke or do they really think that is how you spell bubonic? It really just doesn't work. Also making a joke out of alcoholism is wrong
#17
Dark Humor Levels: Expert Mode
Let’s put the fun back in funeral.
#18
Well, At Least Someone Delivered
Thanks to our funeral director for being the last person to let us down.
#19
Living the Orchard Dream
As an orchard grower, he enjoyed a fruitful life.
#20
Plot twists or plot holes?
The story was about a funeral, but the plot had holes in it.
#21
Well, That’s Ironic
I was driving along Cemetery Road when I came upon a Dead End sign.
Party Poison 3 years ago
First thing I saw here was three song titles. Cemetery Drive, Dead and The End.
#23
When chores get deadly real
The Grim Reaper and I used to share sweeping duties. I had a brush with Death.
#24
When ashes feel more official than a goodbye
Cremation is my last hope for a smoking body.
#25
That’s one hot way to close a deal
The crematorium has to urn our business.
#26
Romance That Really Bites
When two zombies kissed, it was the kiss of death.
#27
When Nature Says “Not Today”
A photographer got lost in a snowstorm and died from overexposure to the elements.
#29
Plot twist: his last RSVP
He was dying to participate in a green funeral, he just didn't realize it would be his.
#30
Night strolls: Not as dead as you think
Walking through the cemetery at night can put you in grave danger.
Party Poison 3 years ago
This night walk the dead in a solitary style. (Sorry, couldn't resist myself with MCR being on tour again, and me seeing them in two weeks for the first time. I'll stop now.)
#32
Forever Pushing It Downhill
A professional skier will never die. They just go downhill.
#33
Dark roast with a shady past
What do you call a coffee shop that used to be funeral directors? A decoffinated cafe!
#34
Comedy meets crime scene
What’s it called when you tickle a man to death by accident? Manslaughter!
#41
When Kryptonite Becomes Kryptonite
How did Superman’s enemies do him in? They put him in his crypt tonite!
#50
Plot twist no one saw coming
Dad always thought the last thing he needed was a burial plot. He was right.
#52
When “Oops” Isn’t Just a Word
What do you call a death sentence gone wrong? Good concept, bad execution!
#56
Playing sick or just signing off early?
I suspected he was sick, and it was a dead giveaway when he signed his will.
#60
Well, That Escalated Quickly
I got lost going to a funeral and went straight through the intersection, forgetting to take the last right.
#61
Plot twist: Wrong night, wrong vibes
I thought the viewing was last night, but when I got there, the place was dead.
#62
Talk about job hunting anxiety
I'm dying to hear back about my resume with the funeral home.
#64
Plot Twist: Funeral Bells Toll Twice
Twin monks who ring the church bells have died. They are now dead ringers.
#65
Plot Twist: I’m Here to Stay
Today I passed my exams to be a funeral director! Shame it’s a dying trade.
#66
Procrastinating Grief Like a Pro
I’m not a mourning person, so we need to schedule the funeral for the afternoon.
#67
Commitment Dead On Arrival
The grave digger spent many hours practicing his craft because he was so dead-icated.
#68
Joining the forever quiet squad
Anyone buried in a cemetery becomes a new dead-dition to the graveyard club.
#70
Resting Petals, Swiss Style
What kind of flowers were planted in the Swiss cemetery? Dead-elweiss.
#71
Brain snap decisions backfire fast
In case you make any haste on decapitation, you will be getting a head of your own.
#72
When the pews turn into waiting rooms
There are lots of old individuals in the church because they are all packing for the final.
#73
Too Dark Even for My Shade
His humor was a little dark. His humor was too GRAVE for me. Now it's just TOMB much.
#74
Plotting the ultimate comeback quiz
Why are there so many old people in Church? They’re cramming for the final!
#75
Deep Thoughts From Beyond the Grave
Confucius says men drunk in the cemetery make grave mistakes.
#76
Well, That Escalated Quickly
After seeing an ad for burial plots, I thought this was the last thing I needed.
#77
Plot twist: Popular beyond the grave
Did you hear the news about the graveyard? There are people dying to get in there.
#78
Casually Dark Humor, Don’t Mind Me
What’s the difference between a corpse and a shirt? One’s a casualty and the other is a casual tee.
#81
Wait, there’s actually a thing called that?
She discovered the young widow has mourning sickness.
#82
Call Me Morbid, But Also Lucky
The cheap casket was a dead giveaway that I won it at a raffle.
#85
When Saying Goodbye Breaks the Bank
Funeral prices have skyrocketed due to the cost of living.
#88
Plot twist: Robin’s final rest
When I walked through the cemetery, I came upon a grave robin.
#89
Plot twist or just dead serious?
Sherlock Holmes solved the case of the missing corpse using dead-uction.
#90
This Accountant’s a Total Write-Off Whisperer
The funeral home’s tax accountant is great a finding tax dead-uctions.
#91
Zombie vibes but make it fashion
It’s partially dead and partially undead. I loved the die-chotomy.
#92
Lowkey Respect Goes a Long Way
It is a serious mistake to speak badly of the people who have died.
#93
Dead Gorgeous, No Filter Needed
A mortician’s job will be to make you feel as though you are dead gorgeous.
#94
Well, that took a dark turn
While walking into the funeral house the ghoul asked whether your corpse is tender.
#95
When owls show up, mice start updating their resumes
Some animals consider owls to be symbols of death? Especially mice!
#97
Dead serious about good service
What did the ghoul say when he walked into the funeral home? Is your corpse tender here?
#100
Living Fast, Dying Inevitable
If you live each day as though it were your last, then one fated day it will be.
#101
Starting at the bottom, literally
I sent in my resume to the funeral home since I'm hoping to get in on the ground level.
#104
Well, That’s One Way to Mix Up Eternity
It was a grave error when the man was buried in the wrong plot.
#105
Plot twist, literally
I came across an advertisement for burial plots, and it occurred to me that it was the last thing I needed.
#106
When proofreading goes spooky
The Underworld Newspaper contained too many typos, so they had to hire a new deaditor.
#107
Why Is Everyone Obsessed with Graybeard?
Have you heard the news regarding the graybeard? You will come across individuals who are dying to enter there.
#109
When in doubt, Luigi knows
Want to contact the spirit of a dead Italian? Use a Luigi board.
#110
Well, That Backfired Quickly
A Japanese man once tried to fake his own death. His family didn't bereave him.
#111
Not your average dip disaster
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death. The police are treating it as a hummuside.
#112
Who knew repeat mode bred a sequel band?
What happens when you listen to a Death song 1,000 times? It becomes a Megadeth song.
#116
This drill’s a real snooze button
Is it possible to be bored to death? That all depends on the drill.
#118
Dark humor’s got a pulse
What would the victim of plague say when his or her skin turned black? “I feel like I have dyed a little bit inside.
#119
Guess the bad boss before you sign up
The job that you die for often comes with a killer boss.
#121
Captain Obvious Strikes Again
“Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?” “All my autopsies are performed on dead people!”
#122
Plot twist: Fun fell faster than fear
Do you hear about the man who died skydiving? He was having a lot of fun and believed that deploying the parachute could be a total drag.
#123
Guess They Took \"Chemistry\" Seriously
The family of chemists would barium them when they die.
#124
Dark humor: nailed the warning
A sign at the cemetery reads: “Do not pass, anyone who violates would face a grave charge.”
#125
This Hit Too Close to Home
My father expired when we were not able to remember his blood type. While dying, he insisted us to “be positive” although it is quite hard for us to be without him.
#127
Diet with the ultimate commitment
What does a dead person do to lose weight? He goes on a DIE-et!
#128
Plot twist: Grandma’s spa day went wild
I took my grandma to one of those fish spas where the fish eat all your dead skin. So much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
#129
That’s one brutal family visit
A man is found dead in the desert. The cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house. "Ma'am you son dried".
#130
Guess My Toes Took a Nap
I think the front of my foot has gone dead-asleep. Now they are a bunch of coma-toes.
#131
Resting My Pun Judgment
At the funeral of my friend, I tried to think of a pun to commemorate him. However, I decided not to do it because that could be a grave mistake.
#132
Plot Twist: Death’s Just Part of the Party
All of us want to live life to the fullest. Thus, do not be afraid when it is time for the death’s turn.
#133
Dead-End Jobs Aren’t Always Boring
Forming a cul-de-sac could be a relatively dead-end job.
#134
Not the cleanup I signed up for
Thousands of people die from vacuum-related accidents each year. That really sucks!
What do you think ?
Gunn Smoke 3 years ago
I worked at a hospital with a morgue, it was locked with a "DEAD BOLT".
Gunn Smoke 3 years ago
I worked at a hospital with a morgue, it was locked with a "DEAD BOLT".
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