Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
This Online Thread Has Folks Highlighting Times They Realized They Were Dating An Idiot (42 Tales)
Being smart isn’t the most important thing, sure. However, when you’re in a relationship, hearing your loved one ask where spaghetti grows might not only raise an eyebrow but make you ponder if you yourself are dating a noodle.
“When did you realize that you’re dating an idiot?” – this internet user took to one of Reddit’s most thought-provoking communities, inviting its members to share the moment they realized they’d coupled up with a nincompoop. The thread managed to garner nearly 28K upvotes as well as 16.2K comments.
More info: Reddit
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I asked my ex-girlfriend to marry me. She said “yes.” That was when I knew. Married 25 years now. What a beautiful dope she is.
Mason Kronol 2 years ago
Me: You're an idiot. Husband: Why am an I an idiot? Me: I don't know, why are you an idiot? Him:But I married you! Me:That makes me the idiot.
RELATED:
#2
1990. We live in central Alabama. She told me that her and her best friend were going to Birmingham for the weekend. Didn't think anything of it, there's lots of shopping and things to do in Birmingham. Came over Sunday night to tell me how disappointed she was in the trip. They had driven through all of the wealthier neighborhoods in Birmingham, Alabama for two days trying to find a house that matched the gates to Ozzy Osborne's house and never found it. He lives in Birmingham, England.
Mario Strada 2 years ago
She was probably devastated that Paris, Texas had no Eiffel tower. Should have gone to Vegas.
JayBizzle1977 2 years ago
And would have ended up in Las Vegas, New Mexico.
Load More Replies...
David 2 years ago
That is rather funny. Also a bit sad. Enough of a fan (stalker) to road trip to see the outside of someone's property but not enough of a fan to do a basic google search.
TurquoiseTzarina 2 years ago
David, this took place in 1990. Google wasn't 'born' until 1998. But, we did have newspapers, maps, encyclopedias, libraries..... :)
Load More Replies...
Ola Polowczyk 2 years ago (edited)
I know a woman who is a nail artist. Lives in England (can't remember the city name). There was another woman trying to schedule an appt with her. Turned out the city name was the same, the only problem was the customer was in the US
Martin Burley 2 years ago
Ozzy's English mansion is in Buckinghamshire anyway. He grew up in Birmingham but I'm pretty sure he wasn't living there in the 90's
#3
She refused to pay taxes, have a bank account, or pay for public transit.
she told me "i change my name every few years so they cant find me".
like, shed go to the *government* and change her name. legally. so the *government* couldn't find her.
we broke up for other reasons, but this was the first red flag.
Thegoodboi 2 years ago
I love meeting people like this. Hearing what they have to say is so fascinating!
Majungasaurus 2 years ago
Oh I have an ex-friend like this and her POV is fascinating! She barely works, has never been able to hold a job for more than 3 months because of her attitude problem (so now when she does work it’s only odd jobs for neighbours), she’s always beyond broke, scammed her way onto the Covid benefit with a really gross lie, dates guys just so she can have a place to live and someone to pay her bills, etc…..Her retirement plan is, “we’re only 30, by the time we’re old enough to retire, so many Millennials will be broke and screwed out of retirement, so the government will have some kind of plan for us, we’ll be fine.” Like….ok good luck with that one girl 😂
Load More Replies...
Tee Rat 2 years ago
I worked with a women with grown children legally claim her grandkids as dependants because they were living with her. Next year she gets the bright idea of claiming 4 nonexistent people because the tax return was higher. When she finally made it to 8 she was audited by the IRS and had to repay$60,000. It didn't help they went back a few extra years and found every other thing she was doing.
Con O Cuinn 2 years ago
Given the pitfalls of bureaucracy and the fact that government departments are notoriously bad at intercommunication, this might not be as bad a plan as you think
RAM31280 2 years ago
I wouldn't be surprised if this worked for a number of years before the government finally caught up to her. Government departments don't communicate well with each other, and it would probably take someone really tracking her specifically to link all of the aliases and find her.
Tomato monster 2 years ago
Dont think this is true because i think the government can find people like this with different methods (phone number, social security number, etc)
Load More Replies... 
Gøøse 2 years ago
What's with the gender sign? Random declarations of your gender are not helpful, important, or funny
Load More Replies...
LizzieBoredom 2 years ago (edited)
The shed went to the Government because it wanted to be a Tax Shelter.
Load More Replies... #4
We were having an argument, although I can’t remember what about, when I very calmly asked him to explain what made him think that, and he said “I hate arguing with you because you always make me realise I’m wrong!”
Ron Baza 2 years ago
In the most reluctant “I’d rather be wrong and win the argument” way.
Load More Replies...
Michael Largey 2 years ago
From my past: "How come when we have an argument I'm the one who's wrong?!?" Dear, if I thought you were right, we wouldn't be having an argument, would we? Also, I was unfair in arguments because I always "used logic".
Thomas Vinters 2 years ago
...Eh. I had a couple of exes who had the special talent of turning anything so it's on me to apologize, even when they're the ones that hurt me. So every time we argued, I ended up being the guilty/wrong one, and genuinely believed that I was wrong and a terrible person, even when objectively (and in hindsight) that made no real sense.
Load More Replies...
detective miller's hat 2 years ago
LOL! Reminds me of a fight I had with my ex when he said "WHY ARE YOU SO GODDAMN REASONABLE?!"
JaimeeJames WD 2 years ago
No one’s an idiot if they can listen to an opposing view and change their mind about something. Also no one’s an idiot who critically examines their own ideas. Someone who thinks that makes them an idiot however…
#5
The night I said that I thought I smelled gas, and they grabbed a lighter and struck it without hesitation.
Thegoodboi 2 years ago
Wow I have witness this as well, one of the few times I've wanted to slap someone into next week...
CalamityOne 2 years ago
"Hey Paulie, here's a match, go to the car and see how much is left in the gas tank..."
Paul Aasajärv 2 years ago
By the way, the odorant of the gas is calculated quite precisely - the smell can be felt in a potentially explosive concentration. In larger amounts, the gas burns like a torch, with a beautiful, bright, sooty flame.
Martin König 2 years ago
Once I smelled gas at home, so I called the emergency service and told them I suspect a leak. They sent a technician who actually pressed the doorbell button to be let in.
#6
When she told me she was a flat-earth person.
David 2 years ago
I think that would be a deal breaker for me as it is a red flag about confirmation bias and failure of basic logic / denial of scientific evidence. In other words - thought processes that would spill over into other areas of a relationship over time.
Elio 2 years ago
This is true. I have a STEM degree and ended up using it for my career. I can't date someone who thinks the earth is flat. It's embarrassing. I once went on a date with someone who tried to convince me "chemicals" were bad after seeing me use an inhaler and that I should try acupuncture. F*ck me for wanting to breathe I guess. We were in a bar, drinking literal poison too. I hate needles and to quou Hank Hill "If anyone pokes me with a bunch of needles, I'll kick their a*s."
Load More Replies...
Edward Dwyer 2 years ago
I'm 99% sure my ex was anti-vax and her son is autistic but she denies it.
Hans Georg 2 years ago
My MIL is a very religious person and unable of spatial thinking, but she still accepts that earth is a globe.
#7
He’s a Catholic, so I asked him where he thought heaven was. I’m also Catholic.
He said there was the “sky, then heaven, and then space”. I asked him did NASA go through heaven on their way to space and he said “probably.”
He also thought that if you were pregnant, that you still had to use contraception, or you could get pregnant again, and again, and again.
For example, you fall pregnant in February, and then again in March, and again in May, and you just deliver them 9 months from conception.
He’s an attorney with a 3.6 GPA law degree, and masters in law, is French, and bilingual, practising law in Ireland. Somewhat academically smart but otherwise, questionable.
ETA: I asked him to feed my fish once. He put the food on top of the lid of the tank and couldn’t figure out why they couldn’t access it.
Headless Roach 2 years ago
This pregnancy thing reminds me of a saying about Project Managers, who think that 9 people can deliver a baby in 1 month. Always makes me laugh. And then cry. Then laugh again.
karen Young 2 years ago
I knew more than 1 grown a** man who thought my husband got his testicles cut off when he got a vasectomy. Like more than 3 men.
Susie Elle 2 years ago (edited)
How can you not figure out that a fish can't go through a tin barrier? Did he think fish were ghosts?
Glasofruix 2 years ago
I knew a lot of smart idiots in university. Many were excelling and doing extremely well in exams, but didn't have a single shred of logic or common concepts even in the field they were studying. Kind of scary when you think about a future doctor being able to recite the whole anatomy book by heart, but otherwise incapable of telling his head and a$$ apart.
DonnerDinnerParty 2 years ago
Where I live, in Utah the class is no longer named "Sex Ed". It is now "maturation" and they only focused on puberty. Not a single thing about protection, or pregnancy, nor anything sex related. I was surprised when I sat in on the class with my 5th grader and they never pulled out the banana and a condom 😅
Load More Replies... Tee Rat 2 years ago
Man, there are times I'm glad I had four sisters and of course all their friends who held nothing back. Especially when they were mad at bf's and as a group would tell me to "come here." "Now sweetie when you get older you don't ever say this, do this, or act like this towards your gf."
#8
When I asked her to hand me a kitchen knife and she threw it at me… and that’s not even the stupidest part.
When I tried to explain the basics of handing someone a knife, or pair of scissors, she refused to accept that what she did was wrong or unsafe… it was suddenly apparent that she couldn’t possibly ever admit to being wrong.
Edit: it was an underhand throw
A girl 2 years ago
My husband was about 1.5 meters up a ladder. He dropped a hammer and asked me to get it for him. I grabbed it and started up the ladder to hand it to him. He barks "are you an idiot? Two people can't be on a ladder at the same time. Just throw it!". Soooo tempting.
Hugh Cookson 2 years ago
Oh well, that's ok then, an underhand throw isn't dangerous at all !!
LizzieBoredom 2 years ago
I don't understand why people get so nervous around a little knife. Or an axe.
Stephanie Did It 2 years ago
Well, Lizzie, you may recall some folks with an axe take 41 whacks...
Load More Replies...
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
Reminds me of a coworker I had MANY years ago (I was around 19-ish... so one of those jobs to keep you afloat whilst studying) - I was a teen/young adult... she was a mother of two, around early to mid 40s? I handed her scissors once, the way I'd always been taught ... where you provide it handle-first towards the person. She laughed at me and asked why we all handed scissors over in 'such a stupid way'. I was shocked - this woman was normally calm, reasonable, generally was able to use common sense... so I tried explaining to her why handing over sharp-pointy-object with point at ready-to-accidentally-stab position was not ideal... and she refused to 'get it'. just kept upping the mocking... that we just purposely made things hard for ourselves... etc. etc... So. Weird.
charles folger 2 years ago
I gotta say, there is an art to doing the "throw". The hammer or whatever should stop its rise right in front of the subject so all he has to do is reach out and take it. Hard to learn.
Rachel Smith 2 years ago
Really if someone throws a knife at you wouldn't that be attempted murder? Lol its so extremely dangerous.
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
Culinary schools teach you to step back from a falling knife, and never attempt to catch.
Edward Dwyer 2 years ago
At that time I told my GF that Kelsey Grammar sang the theme song on Frasier yet she denied it. More than once I tried to show her the credits, but she refused to look at it.
#9
She didn't know that yogurt and pudding were not the same thing. She thought it was like how the British call fries "chips". She had been eating pudding and granola for breakfast for months and congratulating herself for being so healthy.
She also baked baby Jesus a birthday cake on Christmas, lit a candle and took it outside. When the wind blew the candle out, she was convinced it Jesus that blew it out.
Nay Wilson 2 years ago
That last one is very sweet 🙂 I always wish baby Jesus a happy birthday
Little L 2 years ago
Oh then you missed the point here, she's saying her mum is insane.
Load More Replies...
TotallyNOTaFox 2 years ago (edited)
I think it's called "custard" in some parts of the commonwealth
Load More Replies...
Elizabeth van Oers 2 years ago
Baking Jesus a birthday cake is actually really sweet, I think.
Tetelestai 2 years ago
EY. Wishing Jesus happy birthday on a holiday we celebrate his birth is not crazy! It could have been Jesus who blew the candle out… you never know. Actually, it was probably the Holy Spirit or smth. Or just wind! In a passage in the Bible, is says “but God was not in the wind.” Almost like He isn’t part of what He created, if He is on earth. But He does influence what He created, hence the fire, wind, and shaking on probably His command
#10
Pre-heats the microwave
Headless Roach 2 years ago
How can one even preheat an empty microwave? I'm actually impressed!
Odd Ragnar Deng Lerstøl 2 years ago
Well my mother used to preboil the water. Boil it when she didn't need it. Then boil it again when she actually needed boiled water, for her tea or something.
Load More Replies...
Tee Rat 2 years ago
My wife accidentally blew up the microwave. She set it for 90 secs. but I think she hit 90 mins. I heard a pop and black smoke was pouring out of a broken seal. Used a fire extinguisher and slammed the door shut because it was acrid. We never found her wedding ring after that day. I don't know if gold would spark in the microwave.
Sabra Faire 2 years ago
Cannot use gold plated plates in the microwave for this reason. Or apparently gold wedding rings.
Load More Replies...
ConstantlyJon 2 years ago
When I was a kid I wanted to see what would happen when you microwave nothing. Turns out you break the microwave. Now I know I guess?
Heather Talma 2 years ago
My grandma accidentally started the microwave once (she meant to use the timer on it) and it ran empty for so long that it destroyed itself and we had to get a new microwave.
#11
When she said she loved nothing in the world more than Greek mythology, even got a degree related to Greek mythology from University of Arkansas but had no idea who Prometheus and Achilles were.
Cyndi Hafele 2 years ago
What was she gonna do with a degree in Greek mythology?
Load More Replies...
Tee Rat 2 years ago
Prometheus of course was a professional metheus. Just let her know Prometheus was an arsonist and Achilles ran around giving people foot injuries.
TotallyNOTaFox 2 years ago (edited)
Can't blame her, Greek mythology was my Achille's Elbow back in school as well....
Blue Chambers 2 years ago
I find this hard to believe. How on Earth could that even happen? Its like getting a degree in Mechanical Engineering and not knowing what a screwdriver is
TeenieMeanie 2 years ago
Not a very good one, apparently. Go Razorbacks !
Load More Replies...
Mario Strada 2 years ago
How "related"? I have more than a passing interest in mythology in general, including Greek. There is no way to miss Achilles and Prometheus. Where in Arkansas was this school? A trailer park?
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
I'm a 14 year old dumbass who plays hades and read the Percy Jackson books and even I know who they are is that not basic knowledge? (Also read the song of Achilles its really gay and sad)
#12
One night he turned to me and said "You're a bit of a scientist" (I was taking biology in high school, he was in college for music). "Can you explain how I can take frozen yogurt from the freezer, put it in the fridge, and it melts?" and I, already concerned, replied "well the fridge is warmer it's not cold enough to keep it frozen" and he the asked "but it's still cold?" and I had to explain that there are different levels of cold? Somewhere along the way I said "cold is the absence of heat like darkness is the absence of light" and he was so mind.blown by that.
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
Okay. Some serious recessive genes of "durrr" got mixed into humans somehow. I mean... does this person constantly freak out about why he feels colder on some days than other days... or why frostbite doesn't just happen to EVERYONE the moment it's winter...?
Tetelestai 2 years ago
But… if cold is the absence of heat, how do things become colder?? More “heat” is taken away? So complete absence of heat would be… infinitely cold? Actually, that does make sense, considering all our heat comes from the sun. No sun, no heat… yet, even if there was no heat or stars or sun, how would we get colder? Would we reach the maximum of the infinite coldness immediately? Or would it be a gradual decline, where the earth would always be getting colder, bit by bit, forever until the end of time?
pink_panda 2 years ago
I'm not a scientist so maybe someone else can explain better. But there's a temperature called "absolute zero" where there's so little energy present that subatomic particles basically stop moving. I don't know if it's hypothetically possible to get colder than that but I think that's the lowest we could measure, and it's more or less impossible to actually reach that temperature on earth. Heat dissipates gradually, but the colder the surrounding environment, the faster heat will dissipate (think about pulling a pie out of the oven on a cool day—if you want it to cool faster, you'll put it outside rather than keep it in the warm kitchen). If the sun disappeared, we'd keep receiving its light for another eight minutes, then I guess start cooling as the heat on Earth started dissipating into space. The Earth's atmosphere would keep us warm for a little longer, and I guess the molten core at the center of the planet would probably keep the planet warm for even longer?
Load More Replies... 
#13
We were talking about dinosaurs and he was shocked to hear they were real. Then he proceeded to ask me if they really breathed fire. He thought dinosaurs and dragons were the same thing.
Kobe 2 years ago
That is not a strange thought. Who says they weren't? The fire-breathing thing is plausible under the circumstances I can imagine they being related.
Tetelestai 2 years ago
There’s Leviathan, a fire breathing water dinosaur. Lol. It didn’t have wings, of course, but it had fins
Load More Replies...
Mathieu Brouwers 2 years ago
The legends of dragons come from the petrified bones of dinosaurs. The bones were found in rocks. And only at volcanoes is rock liquid. So that's where the dragons live and eat from the fire.
Terry Reaux 1 year ago
That is an easy mistake to make. Most dragons look like dinosaurs. At least the artist rendition of a mythical beast does
#14
My wife would bring stuff home that said “refrigerate after opening,” open it, and put it in the refrigerator.
❤️
that sapio planet (he/him) 2 years ago
Probably the one that makes the most sense on this list though lmao
Aussie Bloke 2 years ago
That's like staring at the back of a juice bottle because it says "concentrate"....
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Atleast she wasn't putting refrigerated items in the pantry or not refrigerating after opening
sturmwesen 2 years ago
My BF put closed jars in the fridge when he first moved in. Like brand new marmelade or mustard.
#15
She didn’t understand that you actually have to pay what you spent on credit cards. Like the credit amount she had was supposed to be her monthly limit that just ✨resets✨ each month
Jodi Rinker 2 years ago
this isn't so much the girlfriend being an idiot as a failure of the parents.
David 2 years ago (edited)
One the one hand - sounds unbelievable. On the other hand - God's truth - I know a woman IRL who at one point got way overdrawn on her checking account because, "She still had blank checks so there must still be money in the account". I KID YOU NOT. She knows better now, that was back in the 70s or early 80s. EDIT: It's probably implied but she wasn't using the check register to track her money either.
Hans Georg 2 years ago
To be fair, I suspect this is the USA, the whole financial transaction system based on credit cards is f****d up. Glad they introduced debit cards.
Rachel Smith 2 years ago
This is how so many people get into so much debt, it's so sad 😢 When me and my husband first started dating he thought it was good that he had so much credit card debt cuz it meant his credit score was high. I basically had to explain to him that he can have a good credit score without being tens of thousands of dollars in debt. He is now almost debt free. I on the other hand only got my first credit card a year ago (a care credit card) . I've been very weary about credit cards cuz I grew up with my parents having a lot of debt.
#16
When he suggested that we should have a 'shared banking account' after only dating less than a month.
Nichole Harris 2 years ago
Me and my hubby did that ....I took over his finances after about a month off being together...... Now our bills are paid
Captain Awesome 2 years ago
Finances are a tricky and sensitive subject. Sharing finances isn't for everyone, and separate isn't for everyone. Gotta have good, honest communication on this
Debby Keir 2 years ago
Recent research shows that those who have shared banking are more likely to stay together than those who have separate banking. Think that was after marriage though..... https://anderson-review.ucla.edu/joint-bank-account/
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
this will be followed by "why don't you just send all your money to me and I will manage it" ... true story. Have been there. red-flag-i...2c6aa6.jpg 
#17
She walked into a computer lab on campus and simply picked up a computer and walked home with it. She was living with me at the time, so I get home to find a very familiar looking computer sitting on the kitchen table. She literally thought the computers were free for students. It took a bit of explaining to convince her that she stole the computer. I made her return the computer to the lab that night, she left it at the door step.
detective miller's hat 2 years ago
I wonder how many people watched her unplug the computer and carry it out of the lab.
Edward Dwyer 2 years ago
Where the F do you live? computers have notches on them for security cables.
Martin König 2 years ago
Do not believe any word of this bull. Like she crawled for the power source and all? A girl?
#18
When she asked me "Have you ever had your hair set on fire"? and then lit my hair on fire. We done
Nay Wilson 2 years ago (edited)
I actually came very close to having my hair set on fire. I was 14. I heard a noise right next to my head, turned and there was a lighter 2 inches away from my nose, held by a boy who I’d called friend for 4 years. The noise I heard was him setting the lighter to flame 🔥 not fun
#19
My ex wanted to start a business making supplies for baby showers. Her business plan was to sell everything below cost to to increase sales. After I had explained numerous times that you cannot profit from a business that will inevitably lose money her reply was that I was the idiot because if she sold them cheap it would drum up more business and she would sell more that way.
BlackestDawn 2 years ago
The only time that works is when you increase the volume so much that the fixed costs (rent, insurance, salary, and such) are lowered enough per unit that they become profitable. Though if you have hardly any fixed costs then I highly doubt you'd be able to increase it fast enough to become profitable before you go bankrupt.
Load More Replies...
Headless Roach 2 years ago
Bank statement shows big numbers, who cares if they are in red? It's just a font colour, people.
Tyranamar Seuss 2 years ago
To be fair I had an ex who did this with bagels in NYC and was super successful. But what he did was sold at below cost to run the other competitors out of business. Then once they were gone he hiked the prices. The bagels were terrible BTW.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
I was going to say. You only do this for a price war to kill the other guys first.
Load More Replies...
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
It works well for things like game consoles. IIRC Sony was selling the Playstation for less than it cost to manufacture. But they made the money back selling millions of games. It might work for a baby shower business but only if she's making profit off some part of the deal. Like maybe she's selling the products at a loss, but charging a fee to host or organise. If that fee is greater than the loss on the products then it could work.
Load More Replies... Niall Mac Iomera 2 years ago
That's not entirely implausible. Loss leaders are a real strategy. This is a terrible way to do it though
#20
When kids egged his car and he thought the best way to get the egg off was to use steel wool.
Tee Rat 2 years ago
SOS pad, Dremmel Tool, chisel and hammer that should be enough to get the stupid out of his head.
Stephanie Did It 2 years ago
Wait! LizzieBoredom might have something that could help
Load More Replies... IntrovertedSloth 2 years ago
Off topic, but I have always wondered if they get steel wool from steel sheep ? /jk
#21
"Where does the sun go at night?"
I was dumbfounded.
EDIT: She was in her early 20's at the time...
Sue From Michigan 2 years ago
I have a cousin who refused to believe that the sun doesn't really rise and set (we were in our 20s) and that the sun goes up and down. In other words, the sun bounces.
Thegoodboi 2 years ago
I wouldn't have the energy to explain lol lets just go get some ice cream!
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
Chelsea Handler has publicly admitted that until she was 40yo, she thought the sun and the moon were the same thing.
Jane Cortez 2 years ago
Or the sun disappeared briefly at *sunset* to strip naked and *moon*us from the sky?
#22
He thought you absorb a gallon of water when you shower 😂 so he didn’t need to drink water
Thegoodboi 2 years ago
I was told the same thing, "that's why our fingers wrinkle". They wrinkle so we can grip wet things better, it's a cool evolutionary trick
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Well if he's absorbing water he may be using subcutaneous respiration as well
Load More Replies... 
JayWantsACat 2 years ago
My ex-g/f rarely drank water. She also took meds for constant migraines. Gee, I wonder if one affected the other. Also, she had a bad breath issue. Wonder if being hydrated might help with that? /s
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
I known way too many people who simply don't drink water, and I still can't comprehend it.
Edward Dwyer 2 years ago
Did you tell him that not in his case since most water gets absorbed through testicles?
#23
She told me Apple Music was “b******t” because it only had covers of Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata”, and not the original.
that sapio planet (he/him) 2 years ago
No, Apple Music is b******t because they won't even let you own songs, they literally just rent it to you.
Cat Chat 2 years ago
Actually, nobody who buys digital content actually buys it. The purchase is actually only active as long as the rights holder gives the company permission to stream it (this goes for music, videos and the like). It can't be willed or given away. The best one can do is leave account sign-ins/passwords in with your important papers (so heirs can take over the accounts to continue to access any content still available).
Load More Replies...
ЛеснойКороль(ForestKingHe/Him) 2 years ago
as a classical musician i am laughing my a*s off rn
Cat Chat 2 years ago
Didn't you read. You're not a classical musician. You're a cover band. 😉🙄
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 2 years ago
Well, if he wants to hear it exactly as Beethoven heard it, just play him 15 minutes of silence.
SheamusFanFrom1987 2 years ago (edited)
Just tell her Beethoven ain't composing no more, he's decomposing now, if he hasn't fully already... XD
#24
When my ex asked me where they grew spaghetti.
IntrovertedSloth 2 years ago
Well, they did just find around 500 lbs of Pasta in some woods in New Jersey.
Rob Williams 2 years ago
Find the clip on YouTube… https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaghetti-tree_hoax
Philly Bobcat 2 years ago (edited)
And I thought it was bad when an ex asked about succotash plants...
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
OMG... this person should have sent their ex the video about the spaghetti trees (I can't... remember... where the parody was first aired though... I still remember it... it was cute!)
Hetal Vyas 2 years ago
There was a show in the UK that did an April fools joke showing spaghetti growing from trees! Many people believed it 🤦🏾♀️
#25
When she told me “she doesn’t believe in so-called ‘professionals’. They’re just normal everyday people like me. What more could they know.”
She was the “my daddy’s a heart surgeon so I’m basically one also” type chicks. Every few months or so I reflect on how grateful I am that she never got pregnant.
EDIT: Just to clarify, her dad DEFINITELY WAS NOT a heart surgeon. Not even close lmao. But if he was you wouldn’t hear the end of it with that chick.
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
Ah, like military spouses expect to be thanked for their service and given discounts and free stuff.
Stardust she/her 2 years ago
That’s rude. My father’s uncle’s stepdaughter’s niece’s dog’s walker’s grandfather was in the army so I deserve respect! /s
Load More Replies...
D'oh Rae is Me 2 years ago
In fairness, most spouses/family members gain a little knowledge about their partners/families jobs, but they certainly dont have an all encompassing knowledge of them, by any means.
Julia Mckinney 2 years ago (edited)
Although, my dad was an orthopedic surgeon so I did learn a bit about bones and bone problems. Mostly from watching him deal with my breaks, cracks and sprains over the decades but yeah, that's the only little bit of orthopedics I know about only as it pertains to me.
Amanda Hunter 2 years ago
Don't ever get a 'girl' pregnant, it's hell being an unwanted child.
Debby Keir 2 years ago
Hmm, you are grateful she didn't get pregnant????????!!!!!! (meaning, either *you* take precautions or rely on someone you don't yet know well?)
Sabra Faire 2 years ago
There's still a chance of pregnancy even if he did take precautions.
Load More Replies...
#26
Doing a “fun fact about me” icebreaker in a group and his was I’ve never read a book.
Terry Reaux 1 year ago
Maybe his parents were stupid too or didn't give a sh*"
Load More Replies... Stephanie Did It 2 years ago
These days, there are way too many people who actually brag about never having read a book. These are the same ones who can't identify the continent on which they live.
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
I once had a little girl come up to me and BRAG that she'd never read a book. I said well, do you like to watch movies? She looked confused, like I hadn't given her the right reply, and then said "NO!", probably just to be contrary. I said "Well then you live without stories, and I feel sorry for you."
Load More Replies...
The Doom Song 2 years ago
My ex had never read a book. Didn't even know that the "lord of the rings" trilogy was a book. Sigh.
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
Yeah, but but it's just one of those stupid cheap movie tie-in books. Those creeps at the studio were so money hungry they even released it like fifty years in advance! Is there nothing they won't stoop to for a quick buck??
Load More Replies...
Klopec 2 years ago
There ate tons of people that have never read a book. They should be burned at the stake!
Danish Susanne 2 years ago
I hope you would let people who cannot read (being dyslexic) in peace.
Load More Replies... 
T'Mar of Vulcan 2 years ago
My uncle had never read a book either - like a fiction book. He did read newspapers and magazines, though.
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
"But there's so many things I've never done! I've never had a King Prawn vindaloo! And I've never read... a book!"
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
Oh, HELL no. I have a home library and that comment (some people actually say it with pride) literally makes me just walk away.
#27
When I overheard her complaining I was “too worried about money” after she financed a 30k car with an insane interest rate while making $15 an hour.
Elio 2 years ago
Probably Carvana. They make theor money with predatory loans.
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 2 years ago
I would think the person who approved the loan should be the one worrying.
Moo 2 years ago
Debt scares me...I have none I want none I can't believe people live like this
Barong 2 years ago
I paid off everything once and closed all my accounts. Toasted my credit scores. Turns out you need to have accounts open to have good credit
Load More Replies... #28
She kept stating the big revelation of her story with “lord and behold” instead of “lo and behold”. I told her she was using the wrong word, but I was the idiot because you behold the lord. Anyways, lord and behold - she f****d five other dudes, so we’re on a more than temporary break.
Cat Chat 2 years ago
Would of if he could of. (Sorry, that one is a real pet peeve of mine.)
Load More Replies...
Ross “Sarcastic Dad” Mullican 2 years ago
I remember that part in the Bible that says it's cool to bang other people when you're married. Religious hypocrites are the worst.
Lydsylou 2 years ago
The people who are Christians just so people think they're good really ruin the reputation of people who are actually Christian
Load More Replies...
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
The phrase, “lo and behold”, comes from Old English, and neither word has anything to do with religion.
#29
One day they looked at me and said "we should make a trip to New York!" I said I think that would be fun but we really don't have the money to fly there right now.
"It's not that far."
... We lived in Portland Oregon at the time...
"New York is next to Canada, and Canada is just past Washington, it can't be that far away!"
...
Stephanie Did It 2 years ago
Or you could go visit the Capital and tour the White House, because Washington is clearly next door to Oregon.
JB 2 years ago
I work at a motorcycle shop which used to rent Triumph streetbikes. More than a few times, we had tourists from Europe show up to pick up the (sometimes pretty small) motorcycles they were intending to ride to California. From Illinois. And not for extended periods. They just had no idea of the actual distances involved. Nothing against Europeans or anyone else, some folks just don't geography.
Nicole Weymann 2 years ago
...or reading. Or thinking. An acquaintance of mine didn't much mind the rise in gasoline prices, because she "only always refuelled for 20 Euros anyway"
Load More Replies... Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Where I am in NY it would take me like 8/9 hours to get to Canada without any traffic at all; with traffic it'd be more like 12
Audrey Rasmussen 2 years ago
I mean... it has incorrect logic, the things said arent wrong, just.... not realising how big canada is yk?
R. McTavish 2 years ago
Yes, this would be a long drive, but also Americans are notoriously unwilling to drive to places because "we can just fly there" Ask a canadian to drive 6 or 8 hours, and they'd be like "yeah, totes. Let's stop for coffee somewhere around Sudbury." Americans are like "two hours? Jeez. Maybe we should ride on an actual airplane for this."
#30
When she was choosing random pills from the blister of a "21 active + 7 placebo" contraceptive, instead of following the arrows on the package.
Marnie 2 years ago
This sounds like a failure of her doctor to properly explain how to use this medicine.
WonderWoman 2 years ago
The packaging clearly states what to do and how to do it
Load More Replies...
les 2 years ago
why would you have a placebo contraceptive? doesn't that defeat the point of a contraceptive
grasachick13 2 years ago
The 21 days are the actual birth control, the 7 placebos allow for maintaining the schedule, so you don't forget to start them again the next month. If you can remember to take your pills on time without the placebos, you can skip them and that can help reduce or stop you from having periods. If you do not remember to restart the contraceptives at the right time, they lose their efficacy and won't be as effective/effective at all at preventing pregnancy.
Load More Replies...
Doodles1983 2 years ago
You should take the 21 “active” every day for 21 consecutive days. Then 7 days of placebo for 7 consecutive days. Why? Multiple reasons. 1. So you know in the 7 placebo days, you should experience a bleed. 2. Taking a pill daily is easier to remember than, “when was my last active day, and when do I start my new active cycle.” thus increasing efficacy. 3. Progesterone Only Pills (POP) are taken 28 days straight. It reduces confusion if you swap (for whatever reasons) between POP or combined oestrogen (estrogen) with progesterone pill. Those are the salient points. IF you’re on a POP you may take 28 days active for 3 months and then have a week off and then bleed.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 2 years ago
Maybe she thought they were like the candy dots on wax paper... picked the "flavor" she wanted that day.
#31
The fool would bang on my dashboard and scream the name of a certain restaurant whenever I drove past it. After almost getting into a wreck twice, I asked him why he was trying to kill us. He said he did it because "it was his thing." He never rode in my car again.
Epona 2 years ago (edited)
Why do some people have to scream when their excited? Could you not just go "Ooh! *name of restaurant*!! Why does excitement have to equal loud noise?!? Is that my misophonia talking? Probably.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
Only time I've seen people do this sort of thing is when they're drunk. Got pulled over one night because my drunk friends were yelling "I work there! It sucks!" and waving their arms around. I was designated driver and had to do an alcohol test (which I passed), thanks guys!
Load More Replies...
Blue Chambers 2 years ago
I have a very strong intuition it was a Chili's. I have no idea why.
#32
She would end almost every sentence with "you know what I mean", not as a question, but as a description for something missing. There were sentences like "He's not an a*****e, but he's a... you know what I mean", "Can you get me the thing, the, uh, you know what I mean", "Yes I get it, but I don't get the, uh, you know what I mean" and so on. No. I didn't know what she meant, as most of the time there was hardly any context. Maybe she didn't either.
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
I knew someone who would end like every other sentence with 'you know what I mean". For example: that chicken was cooked good. You know what I mean". At first I though it was like a little skit he was doing because he would say that after every 2nd or 3rd sentence, but no, that was just how he talked. It was really difficult having conversations with him because I got so irritated and just wanted to shake him and yell "yes we all known what you mean now stop saying that.
Cat Chat 2 years ago
There's a movie called Noises Off and the character played by John Ritter does the same thing. Nobody never really understands what he means because of f it. Great comedy film with a lot of great actors.
T'Mar of Vulcan 2 years ago
My mother used to do that. "Can you... uh... you know?" "No, what do you mean?" "YOU KNOW!!" "I need a clue!" "The... you know!!" NO I DON'T FRAKKING KNOW!!! And yet she would get louder and more annoyed when she hadn't even given the smallest hint of what she meant. Ah, Mom, I miss you.
Tobias Reaper 2 years ago
was she by any chance related to Earnest P Worrel "know what i mean vern"
#33
She got thrown out from a bar and nearly arrested because another woman complimented my shirt and she was convinced that meant she wanted to bang me.
karen Young 2 years ago
Run. I used to be a waitress in the club back in the day. The waitresses are working. I got paid to be there. To talk to you. All I want is a tip. Not your man.
David 2 years ago
This one goes beyond stupid into other red flags. It should not have mattered if the other woman really did want to "bang you". It's the kind of thing where you say thank you but no thank you (I'm taken or whatever) and move one. I've had gay guys hit on me (straight). I didn't start a fist fight or get ugly. I told them I was flattered but straight and we parted with a smile.
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
I understand you but with some people there really isn't more to a story and they're just that unhinged
Load More Replies... 
#34
My ex-wife. The doctor said her test came back positive & she said "does that mean I'm not pregnant?"
I knew at that moment I was in for a long ride.
Alicia M 2 years ago (edited)
I've worked in the medical field for a while and test results confuse some people. Getting a negative test result for cancer screening is obviously a good thing but some people think the "negative" result means something about their health is negative. I over explain things now because I've noticed there's a lot of stuff people don't know.
Percy the Band Rat 2 years ago
OP never mentions when they divorced at all,, they could have aborted the baby (if that's what the test was for) and they could have stayed and divorced later.
Load More Replies... #35
He could not find our country on Europe's map. The countries were written in bold, and the capitals too.
Ralph Kretschmer 2 years ago
Well, had a friend at school (Gymnasium, the highest level, 13th class) who was friendly, but a little dumb or naive. We lived in southern Germany. I thought everyone our age would know all our neighbor countries. Some day someone made a remark about Luxembourg. He really asked "what is a Luxembourg?". As if it was some item.
Danish Susanne 2 years ago
Well if you were looking for my country he might be excused. I live in Denmark.
Bill Swallow 2 years ago
I'm gonna be either sarcastic or serious, and say He was probably American. Guess which?
that sapio planet (he/him) 2 years ago
Okay but Europe has tons of tiny countries and unless you're talking about like Germany or Poland or something that doesn't really mean he's dumb
Fantastic Mr Fox 2 years ago (edited)
“Our country” so supposedly they both live there. Even if gf was from another country it’s weird he don’t even know where her country is. Don’t you think so?
Load More Replies... #36
Calls me at work because her crumpets dont fit in the crumpet tray under the toaster... crumpet tray ?!?
Had a look when i got home, clearly labelled "CRUMB TRAY"
#37
The day I told my girlfriend I think I broke my toe and her solution was to yank on it with all her might. It was gout.
Tyranamar Seuss 2 years ago
This actually isn't totally crazy if she thought you'd dislocated it. I wouldn't want to mess with it. But when I was little I dislocated my finger and my dad just yanked it back into place.
Justin Smith 2 years ago
That is extremely stupid and dangerous. If you do it wrong it can cause more problems and if you are wrong about what it is, such as being broken or anything, just gonna cause pain.
Load More Replies...
Xenon 2 years ago
That's effed up. Sorry about the gout, I understand it's hella painful. No wonder you thought it broken.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
It's weird, I had two attacks (under control now) and it was agonizing. Go to sleep feeling fine, wake in the morning wondering why my big toe feels like it's been put through a meat grinder. My Mum (and a couple other people I've talked to) have said "My toe is a little sore, I wonder if I bumped it." Not agonizing, not even painful, just a little sore. Not broke, just bumped. In my Mum's case the pain slowly increased over a couple weeks. At which point she finally went to the doc who diagnosed it as gout.
Load More Replies... White Sauce Hot Sauce 2 years ago
She probably saw all those movies where an appendage is dislocated and gets snapped back into place by a quick thinking hero.
#38
My ex was scared of hedgehogs and convinced himself they could jump over a six foot fence like a cat
Apatheist Account2 2 years ago
We once heard a strange noise in the garden which turned out to be hedgehogs. My wife was concerned that it might have been a werewolf, I kid you not.
Bianca Saville 2 years ago
Same with my husband. His older brother convinced my husband werwolves were real when he was a young kid. He didn't grow out of it until his late 20s.
Load More Replies... 
Wicked Adi 2 years ago
Phobias are irrational, don't think this is dumb just an irrational fear.
Wysteria_Rose 2 years ago
I have a hedgehog and cannot say I've ever witnessed him doing this. He is a lazy little ball of needles, though.
fair_weather_rose (she/they) 2 years ago
Hey, HeluvaAlienHedgehog, can you jump over a 6 foot fence?
#39
She didn’t want to watch the original avatar movie (blue people) until her uncle told her that it was based on a true story. I asked her if she meant that it was a futuristic version of Pocahontas… but no, she thought that it was somehow based on a true story. Then asked if I was calling her uncle a liar. Follow up questions, like asking if she really thought we waged war against an alien society, went equally poorly. We were 18 years old fyi
The Short Lady 2 years ago
Maybe someone told him and gullibility is a family trait.
Load More Replies... TeenieMeanie 2 years ago
I used to work in video stores (yes, that old). My coworkers and I hated the customers who only liked the based on a true story stuff. We always were like, “Ma’am, you that’s not some kind of government label, right?”
Cat Chat 2 years ago
Wait till they find out "based on a true story" only means "X story gave me the idea for this 99% piece of fiction". 🤣
Load More Replies... David 2 years ago
I know someone who gets very angry if you say mermaids are not real. They watched that mocumentary on mermaids but didn't understand it was a mocumentary.
Rahul Pawa 2 years ago
Thank you for specifying which Avatar movie you were referring to. Someone believing Avatar The Last Airbender was based on a true story would be even more ridiculous.
#40
Stacking cups... In the dishwasher
BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago
I've had sooo many cleaners wash the dishes then nest, when you stack them together, them all to "dry" 🤦♀️so fun to put dishes away the next day or grab a bowl from the cabinet and get wet. I don't hire cleaners anymore...
XenoMurph 2 years ago
Don't rinse, according to an analysis by the bbc not rinsing is more efficient, also any more than 8 dishes, the dishwasher is more efficient than hand washing.
Load More Replies... Sabra Faire 2 years ago
Maybe they're stacking cups on top of each other in the dishwasher, so only the buttom cup is getting sprayed.
#41
After her third "business opportunity" turned out to be another pyramid scheme.
We didn't date long but knew each other for a while before that. I liked her for her "work hard, get paid" attitude. Turns out the hard work she was doing was costing her waaay more than she made, and didn't realize it.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
yep, two of mine fell for pyramid schemes MULTIPLE times. Apparently it's a thing. https://delanolaw.com/Articles/pyramid-schemes-target-females
#42
I gave my girlfriend a gift, a box with something in it, and after she opened it and saw what it was, I told her to check it again, because it's gone. I don't know why I said that, I think I was joking to confuse her or be silly or something. But without opening the box (the gift was still in there), she started screaming and ran to the other side of the room, believing that I had just performed dark magic or something. She later told me that she believed I was a witch or a demon when I told her that I made it disappear.
David 2 years ago
sometimes if you catch a person in an off moment. Navy - me + really smart shipmate I liked. Me: Watch this - (inserts comb into right pocket, magically pulls the comb out of my left pocket). Him: "How did you DO that!?" Me: (shows him I was just at the ship's store and purchased two combs. We had a good laugh. Like I said - the guy was smart and I respected him. But I did it on a whim and managed to catch him in a moment.
Marleina Hershberg 2 years ago
Umm, she opened it and saw what it was, then she hadn't opened it??? SOOOOO Confused.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
She opened it, saw it, closed the box again. He said it's disappeared. She didn't reopen the box to check whether it was still there.
Load More Replies... Glengoolie Blue 2 years ago
Do you feel guilty for dating such a dumb person? You're taking advantage of someone who can't fend for herself.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
Are you in Africa by any chance? This s**t goes down in africa a lot.
The Other Guest 2 years ago
I don't think OP was gaslighting her. There's a difference between being silly, and trying to make someone question their own perception of reality.
Load More Replies...Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Zelda Fitzgerald 2 years ago
He was super cute but a total idiot. When we were arguing and he told me that he wasn't my "escape goat," I couldn't do it anymore.
Moosy Girl 2 years ago
I can’t stop giggling at this, just imagining an angry person yelling „find another escape goat!!!” (and then riding off on a confused goat).
Load More Replies...
Solidhog 2 years ago
My first two rules of life. 1) Always be nice to people. Some just can't help it. You don't know if others where dropped multiple times as a baby. 2) Always assume that 99% of people are stupid. 3) Never think you have met the most stupid person in the world. There is always someone else who will come along and prove you wrong.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
It's really only 50% who are *technically* stupid if you look at the bell curve, be kind man. /jk lol
Load More Replies...
Michael Largey 2 years ago
I knew I was dating an idiot by the simple fact that they agreed to go out with me.
Wicked Moon216 2 years ago
I will be the first person to admit that I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, but reading some of these was just...wow.
SnackbarKaat 2 years ago
Ex-bf celebrated Christmas, but didn't know it was about the birth of jesus Christ
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
must be confusing on independence day. Like thinks it's a fireworks day and hasn't figured out what the word "independence" refers to.
Load More Replies... Zelda Fitzgerald 2 years ago
He was super cute but a total idiot. When we were arguing and he told me that he wasn't my "escape goat," I couldn't do it anymore.
Moosy Girl 2 years ago
I can’t stop giggling at this, just imagining an angry person yelling „find another escape goat!!!” (and then riding off on a confused goat).
Load More Replies... Solidhog 2 years ago
My first two rules of life. 1) Always be nice to people. Some just can't help it. You don't know if others where dropped multiple times as a baby. 2) Always assume that 99% of people are stupid. 3) Never think you have met the most stupid person in the world. There is always someone else who will come along and prove you wrong.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
It's really only 50% who are *technically* stupid if you look at the bell curve, be kind man. /jk lol
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 2 years ago
I knew I was dating an idiot by the simple fact that they agreed to go out with me.
Wicked Moon216 2 years ago
I will be the first person to admit that I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, but reading some of these was just...wow.
SnackbarKaat 2 years ago
Ex-bf celebrated Christmas, but didn't know it was about the birth of jesus Christ
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
must be confusing on independence day. Like thinks it's a fireworks day and hasn't figured out what the word "independence" refers to.
Load More Replies... You May Like 50 Wild “Am I Overreacting?” Stories That Had Folks In This Online Group Talking 140 The Newlywed Game Questions That Are Loads Of Fun 41 Stories Of Family Drama That Range From Funny To Absolutely Chaotic
Jonas Žvilius
Saimonas Lukošius
Mantas Kačerauskas
Related on Bored Panda
