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People Are Sharing The Things That Were Normalized In Their Lives When They Were Kids That Were Wrong
Many people who experience rough and traumatic childhoods don’t realize what they went through until they get older. The harsh eye-opener then becomes the sobering new reality they must live with.
The stories you’re about to read verbalize that pain of suddenly coming to terms with such an ugly realization. Here, people bravely and candidly share stories of when they realized that what they went through as children was not only abnormal but also something no one should ever endure.
Some of these are difficult to read and digest, so proceed with caution.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
All the females of the family planning, preparing and cleaning up after every party/holiday while the men just sat at the table.
RELATED:
#2
Adults oversharing their problems to kids like we were therapists.
PhilosoFishy2477:
"I don't need a therapist, I have you!"
my sister in christ you have a depressed 14 year old
EvanisHere 6 hours ago
As a kid with parents like these, i am still depressed from stuff they said to me when i was a teen.
#3
My parents.
I was in my 50’s before it dawned on me that some people actually had *good* parents who didn’t treat them like enemies when they were little kids.
Anon:
I work as a nanny now, and I feel a little jealous of the kids I nanny because they have parents who love them and I didn't. I went into childcare specifically to be the kind of adult I needed but didn't have when I was their age. Seeing "my" kids be excited to see their parents and how their parents put effort into their physical and emotional wellbeing heals me a little bit every time.
#4
Apologizing for things that weren’t even my fault.
itsmeYotee:
Mentally, emotionally beaten down until confessing to things I hadnt done. Being told she knew it was me, she knew I was lying to her when I hadnt done it. Then when I "finally confessed" Id be punished for lying about it.
#5
Not going to parents for help because you know it'll make the situation so much worse.
#6
Growing up with a second “brother” who was really a neglected kid my brother befriended that basically lived with us for days and weeks at a time because his family didn’t care for him or his whereabouts.
That’s all what I yam 8 hours ago
An excellent story about both great parents and horrible parents.
#7
Being forced to eat everything on your plate regardless of whether you liked it or felt full.
The amount of times I was made to eat food portions too big where I felt sick was often.
My body was telling me I’m full but I was forced to ignore it and overeat.
Daisydaisy 11 hours ago
Yes! To this day (and I am overweight and shouldn't eat so much) I feel like it's wrong to leave a single crumb on my plate "because children are starving in Africa". Not helpful! I am slowly teaching myself it's okay to stop eating when you're full. I never made my kids eat a single mouthful they didn't want to eat!
#8
"If you dont stop crying, I WILL give you something to cry about" was an oldie but a goodie. Terror... It's how they raised kids.
#9
Being told to “respect adults” no matter how they treated you.
Lady Eowyn 3 hours ago
My dad as he was hitting me with his belt: you are my child. I do not care if you love me but by God you will respect me. Even at about 12 years old, I understood that people could love all sorts of nasty people, but my own dad once said respect has to be earned, and now he's doing this?
#10
Apparently, mothers aren't supposed to use children as verbal punching bags and make them feel terrible. And fathers aren't supposed to ignore their family's needs and walk around ignoring everyone 24/7.
#11
Being told to not wear certain clothes around family; tank tops, low cut shirts, shorts, short skirts or dresses. I was always TOLD it was out of respect for older traditional family members. It was not. Unfortunately I've got some really horrible relatives, and the second I hit puberty they took notice.
#12
Getting screamed at as a kid for not paying attention and being told i just didnt care enough. spent my whole childhood thinking i was broken. turns out i had adhd and nobody thought to check because i got decent grades. the shame from that sticks with you for YEARS.
Mrs Irish Mom 8 hours ago (edited)
If kids get screamed at they will just shut down and switch off so they won't be listening to what you have to say, sit down and have a calm conversation with them and even get them to repeat what you want them to do, it helps when they are in the teenage years
#13
I wasn’t allowed to have feelings. Whenever I tried to express how I felt, my parents would accuse me of being a drama queen. As an adult, I learned to eat my feelings.
#14
Food insecurity. The amount of times I had my lunch taken away from me during school because we had no money is too high. All the adults acted like it's normal not to feed a hungry child because they weren't able to afford the four bucks. When I was a student teacher, I kept my bag stocked with snacks just in case I ever saw this happen to a child. No one should feel like lunch is a punishment where they have to watch others eat what they can't afford.
Lem0n_Dr0p:
I went through this too. I thought it was normal for kids to just not have lunch sometimes. Or dinner. Or breakfast. The adults definitely noticed there were children going hungry. Heard one of my friends’ parents talking about school lunch debt when I was in middle school and I didn’t really think much of it. Now I realize how actually horrific that is.
#15
Hearing “because I said so” as a full explanation.
juliainfinland:
The other moms (and dads) always made fun of my parents because they wouldn't use "because I said so". "But she's far too young to understand!", every time my parents gave me a (brief, age-appropriate but still sensible*) explanation as to why I was supposed to/not supposed to do something.
Turns out that if you get in the habit of explaining stuff early on, your child will grow up being able to understand (and use) reason and logic and other nifty things. Your child will also grow up to not have any patience whatsoever with the "because I said so" crowd. And you'd be surprised at how much even very young children understand.
*"Sensible": no fluffybunny stuff like "because it makes Jesus cry"
CloPotato 10 hours ago
I feel the differences between both strategies with my boyfriend. He's a very sweet man but he gets frustrated easily, struggles to express and even understand his émotions and the motives behind his actions, cannot put things in question... And he's flabbergasted at my pretty standard ability to reason, negotiate with myself when I really want something I shouldn't, challenge assumptions, etc. His dad once shot me a weird look for saying "why?" very normally in a conversation. I'm f****d up in many ways but I'm very glad mine made me more autonomous rather than less tbh, life looks harder when you don't have the tools to question what makes it hard.
#16
Not being included in any decisions/no autonomy. Although I did realise a bit as a kid, when I was with a friend and their parents were asking them questions, like what they wanted to do on school holidays, and actually including them in their plans, and I was absolutely floored. What, you don't just have to tag along with whatever your parents to and try and make the best of it? They actually do things FOR you and with you, like go to movies and theme parks and stuff???
Also, being physically provided for but emotionally neglected in general.
KatSaidThat 2 hours ago
Being dumped on whichever family member was willing to take us for the holidays. I didn't know that not visiting family and actually seeing sights was a thing until I left the country...
#17
Being fed considerably smaller meals than the boys and men in my family because "girls don't need to eat much"
Turns out my mother was anorexic, and even though I'm 75 now, my relationship with food is still problematic. Whereby, mother is still going strong at 96 and now eats normally - she eats very well, actually.
Talk about 'Hit and Run' !
#18
“Harmless” pranks were common in my life, it took telling this story to someone and them saying it was messed up to make it click that most, if not all of the pranks my dad pulled on us kids were beyond horrific.
My dad rented a car and told me it was a graduation present. It took a lot of convincing because my father was notorious for his elaborate pranks and I just knew it was another one of his “jokes.” He spent the better part of the day tossing the keys at me and urging me to take my new car for a spin until he finally wore me down and made me think that maybe it wasn’t a joke after all. He had the whole family lined up in the driveway to witness the maiden voyage of the new car only to take my keys out of my hands right as I was about to put them in the ignition and let me know I was too young to drive a rental and laugh uproariously as the rest of the family joined in mocking me for being so gullible and my stupidly trusting nature.
Another one was when he spatchcocked our evil rooster and had it in the fridge, he was a HUGE bird. He hid my sister’s pet rabbit and convinced her it was Bun Bun chilling in the fridge. She went vegan for over ten years after that traumatizing joke.
For the record, my father ended up alone and miserable, just as he deserved.
#19
My parents being okay with my 12 year old self dating a 19 year old guy. Spoiler—it wasn’t okay.
That’s all what I yam 4 hours ago
Extremely poor judgment at best. Although I haven't looked it up, I suspect it's illegal in some states, or at least reportable to CPS.
#20
When you’re told to go hug your aunt and/or uncle that you’ve just met. Whenever I hear that as an adult I just say “whoa whoa, it’s ok. I’ll take that hug whenever THEY’RE ready to give it to me.”
EDIT: Y’know what? It could be a family member that a kid has known for a while. If the kid doesn’t wanna hug anyone, be cool with it.
Ann Jeppesen 10 hours ago
I told my nephew that, cause he seemed uncomfortable with hugs. We’re a big hugger family, but he shouldn’t feel forced to do it. He then said he wanted to hug, but I always felt like he only did it because he would not want to stand out. I always made the hug fast and made sure he knew I love him in other ways.
#21
My dad telling me it was my fault for him cheating because I made a friend and he decided to sleep with said friend's mom 🤷.
That’s all what I yam 9 hours ago
Whatever it takes so you never have to hold yourself accountable for your decisions and actions. I'm still clueless how this allows people to convince themselves they aren't accountable, but it seems to work for them.
#22
When my mom had parties, she used to lock me in the air raid shelter in the basement, sometimes close to 24 hours until everyone was gone. I had a bucket to use as a toilet, and afterwards I’d get a Barbie as a reward for being quiet. I once told someone about it because I genuinely thought it was kind of funny. I was pretty confused as why they were shocked.
#23
Hitting my head intentionally/other forms of SH to cope with stuff. I thought everyone did it privately for years.
#24
Being locked outside or with animals for the night as punishment, and having to earn my opportunity to sleep in the house and be able to be part of the family again because everytime I did something wrong, I tarnished and ruined the reputation of my family.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 hours ago
Yep, I got occasionally locked out of the house at night for being "bad". At the time I didn't hate it, because I could sleep with our dogs, who loved me unconditionally. I felt safe with them, as when I was locked outside, I knew my mother couldn't come and rip me out of bed at 2 in the morning to yell at me (which happened quite often.) When I was very small, I could sleep in our dog's Dogloo with her. It sounds horrible, but those nights are actually warm, happy, peaceful memories, if I excise the hurt and pain and ábuse that caused them. It's no wonder I value the love and friendship of animals over that of humans XD
#25
Not being taken to the doctor when something was VERY wrong (concussions, broken heel, foot sliced open on glass, etc.). I also have asthma but never knew until I was 23 because my mom always told me i was just “out of shape” when I would struggle to breathe after gym class.
Kristiina Männiste 9 hours ago
I got the "out of shape" from my gym teachers. I was forced to do what my classmates did until I filled the "government norms" So it would go like that. We run a lap. Everyone but me manages to fill the norm. So they go and rest. Meanwhile I will have to run the lap again. Do worse than first time (as expected really). Then have to run again and then again. I was frequently late for my next classes because I was running all those extra laps or jumping through all those extra loops. Turns out it was astma + dyspraxia. It took me 20 years and an inhaler to find out sport is NOT a method of t*****e and that I actually am NOT absolutely unable to do any sports.
#26
Constant comparisons to siblings or classmates.
Rose the Cook 7 hours ago
My half sister, the result of my mother's extra marital affair, was always better than me according to her. I couldn't do anything to please her because her husband was my father and he was "a commoner" while half sister's father was "from high society". The fact that her husband took her and the obnoxious baby back when the high society boyfriend ran back to his wife and 5 children didn't count.
#27
Not having any right to personal belongings, privacy, or emotional expression that didn't involve performing for the adults who couldn't regulate their own emotions.
catsareniceDTH:
Ah, the classic "I paid for it. When you pay for it, it's yours until then, you owe me everything I do for you." Then taking away things I bought myself because they were a good way to punish.
Oh, and cutting the plugs off my things, because I may have bought them myself, but I didn't pay for the electricity, despite being charged rent 'housekeeping' for years.
Kristiina Männiste 10 hours ago
My dad used to throw the "I pay so its my rules" around a lot. Now that he has been unemployed for years, most of my family is too kind to do the same to him. Not me tho.. I am truly my fathers daughter and I gladly remind him of who pays the bills for the house he lives in.
#28
I got spanked and hit a lot sometimes for extremely unreasonable things.
cerinamroth 3 hours ago
I can never remember what I was spanked for, but I remember the spankings.
#29
Adults being drunk every evening after school. Having to sleep in two chairs pushed together at the pub because it's so late and you're tired. Having to listen to your parent slurring their speech at you, smelling their awful alcohol breath. Role-playing with your siblings as a drunk person. Being excited to grow up and be allowed to drink, too. Drinking till you're blackout drunk being the "usual" baseline when you reach drinking age.
Lucky I went away to uni and learned temperance from *OTHER STUDENTS*.
Panda Kicki 9 hours ago
I shared similar experiences from the terror of meeting drunk adults. But I went opposite way. Never a drop. My kids have never met at drunk person and that caused some confusion when we watched a kid show where the main character had a drunk dad. After a lot of explaining that he didnt have fever or heart issues my youngest cried for a long time. She still watched the show but was so sad. I now arrange "white christmas" for alcohol free celebrations, so they habe now met these kids irl too. I am the only sober cousin in the family, all other have had issues at some ponit in life.
#30
Getting called fat to my face constantly by everyone (my mom, siblings, friends, other adults) when I was 5’4” and 115 lbs, and wore a size 2
Now I’m 165 and I’ve never been called fat even once. Make it make sense.
#31
Being completely and utterly afraid of your parents. Smacks, face slaps and whoopings over the simplest of stuff taught you fast that you were not to inconvenience them with your antics or problems. It also taught you to toe the line or feel their wrath. Even down to getting sick: you had better be on death’s doorstep before you dared to try to inconvenience them with that mess. 🤷🏼♀️.
Erm Actually… 57 minutes ago
My parents would get off work every day at 3pm sharp and my stepmoms days off were tuesdays. I get anxious at 3 every day years later and I just hate tuesdays. Which is sad because I’d love tuesdays- I was born on a Tuesday!- but my stepmom ruined it lol
#32
One of my friends dated one of our teachers.... he was absolutely gorgeous, and we were all so jealous.
Now, it makes me feel physically sick..... to the point of infuriated.
#33
Adults not apologizing to children.
That’s all what I yam 8 hours ago (edited)
Never made sense to me either. Apologizing and admitting mistakes have always helped me build trust in relationships, especially with my own children.
#34
Being terrified when dad came home in a bad mood.Then trying your best to be invisible so you weren't in his path of rage.
Learning not to cry because you got hit harder if you did.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 hours ago
Yep, except for me it was my mom, not my dad. I used to have the best hiding places in every room mapped out in my head. When I was young, I was small enough to fit into cupboards. I actually secretly cleared out the bottom shelf of some of the cupboards and closets in my house to use as hiding places when my mom was on a rampage. They sometimes worked. I definitely learned to not cry, whimper, or basically make any sound while she was beating me, because crying/sounds would only infuriate her more. She's still alive and I still live next door to her, but luckily she hasn't dared to physically ábuse me in decades.
#35
Being beat by a belt….and not just a little.
Rose the Cook 7 hours ago
Most parents held the belt by the buckle, my father hit with the buckle end.
#36
Being 13 years old (female) and having 18+ year old lads hanging round, buying us booze on a weekend. Seemed so cool and edgy at the time but now it gives me the creeps to think these grown men were actively choosing to spend time with pre-teen girls basically and buying them alcohol.
#37
I used to sleep on an empty stomach. Not because my family was poor and not everyone could eat. I could've eaten. I just noticed how tired mom always was and how my dad was giving her a hard time so I decided to pretend like I wasn't hungry at all before going to bed. I did this for a good while.
Otto Katz 2 hours ago
There were 8 of us, I remember mom would cut up one chicken to feed 8 people. you can technically get 8 pieces of meat from one bird. I'd always 'prefer' the back of the chicken, because I didn't want to appear greedy, and take a piece with more meat on it. Do you know how much meat is on the back of a chicken?
#38
Acting all nice with visitors and then saying how awful they are as soon as they leave.
Mrs Irish Mom 8 hours ago
I know parents like that now who talk bad about people while the kids are in the room and it has an effect on the kids because they do that within their friend group now and its making little kids grow up to be toxic adults
#39
Parentification. I knew kids who had to grow up fast and take care of their siblings because their parents were t there for them.
Multa Nocte (she/her/86 47) 1 hour ago
I lived in Utah from ages 10 to 25. Mormons have BIG families - REALLY big families, and the more children they have, the more the family is revered in the church. In my elementary school in Salt Lake City in the 60s the woman who ended up being "Mother of the Year" had 14 children.
#40
Constant negativity and judgement isn't ok. Took me a very long time to get past that.
That’s all what I yam 8 hours ago
100% agree! I (70+) still struggle with simply ignoring them. I know all the reasons why they do it and why it's important to ignore them. Still struggle.
#41
Growing up my mom never allowed me to sleep past 10am even if I was sick. Was never allowed to take naps either, had to wait until bedtime to sleep.
One time I slept over at a friend's house and we pulled an all nighter (we were 13) and when I came home I went to sleep cause obviously I was tired. My mom came into my room asking if my friends brother "did anything" to me and that's why I came home and went straight to bed. Like what?? No mom i stayed up all night as teens do sometimes. She thought it was illegal or something.
#42
In the 1970s, my brother and I rode in the open back of a pickup truck from Houston, TX to Destin, FL, and back. We did this every summer for a few years. It was a 10-hour drive.
#43
My sister tied her toddler to the front seat of the car with a scarf to stop him rolling onto the floor when she braked.
Panda Kicki 9 hours ago
......WHAT!!! The car didnt have belt? Less hassle using the real thing.
#44
Grew up in the South. The "n-word" was used by everyone.
KatSaidThat 2 hours ago
Grew up in Saffa - I can't even read the words keffir leaves without cringing.
#45
After my parents divorced, my mom decided she'd rather spend all her money on booze rather than pay the mortgage or any bills, so I spent the winter before we got evicted erecting blanket tents and very carefully arranging space heaters so I could be warm because the gas furnace got shut off. I told the neighbor one day, CPS got involved a bit later, and my mom coached me how to respond to them so I wouldn't get taken away even though now, I wish they had. Cold showers in December when the rest of the house is also unheated
#46
Parents saying "I brought you into this world and I can take you out" when they were annoyed with you or threatening you when you were in trouble
That's one reoccurring quote from my childhood that I will always remember.
#47
Probably the beatings. But seeing that all of my friends were subjected to the same punishment, it sure seemed normal.
And all of the heavy lifting of the household chores. My poor sister was 2 years older than me. She knew how to run the washer and dryer by the time she was 5. We both knew how to cook basic things by the age of 7. And by the time I was 11 we were both responsible for cleaning the entire house (my brother was 4 years younger and responsible for NOTHING).
True, my mother did work (AFTER I was around 10), but as much as I loved her, she was a terrible slob. The kitchen was a disaster after every meal she cooked and her bedroom was a nightmare of clothes strewn absolutely everywhere and overflowing ashtrays. And we were responsible for cleaning that too. My sister was in charge of cooking dinner every night during the week. One time she made instant mashed potatoes instead of boiling and mashing real ones and my mother screamed at her for a solid hour.
#48
The way media and adults would “countdown till 18” with minor pop stars, the body shaming 24/7 even walking into a store and nothing over size 6 being in stock, allowing children to leave the house a sunrise and return at dark without any idea where they are, who they may be with, I can recall dozens of dangerous situations that I should’ve never been in or things I shouldn’t of been exposed to but parents literally did not watch their kids at all.
Nicole Weymann 5 hours ago
There has to be some middle ground between kids being shown the door to "go play" at sunrise "and don't come back before the streetlights turn on" on the one hand and helicopter parenting on the other. A toddler needs to be allowed to fall when learning to walk, supervising a kindergartener 24/7 to protect them is impossible, and an 8 YO's birthday party does not need to include one parent per guest child for safety and security purposes.
#49
“That’s just how boys are, ur gonna have to balance it out and look out for them a little more esp. when u get into puberty.”.
#50
The gifted and talent program I was from 3rd until 8th grade.
Being screamed at about math as a 9 year old isn't ok.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 hours ago
The GATE program can be so destructive. There's so much expectation placed upon the "gifted" child, and so much disappointment and frustration taken out on them (by parents and teachers) if the child does not perform exceptionally. It also causes massive burn-out later on in life.
#51
Being sent to my room anytime I had big emotions to deal with it by myself.
cerinamroth 3 hours ago
Yes. I tend to offer my daughter space now if she needs it by saying something like: "Do you want to sit with me for a bit or do you want to spend some time alone until you feel better?" Sometimes she gets so frustrated with her little brother she just needs to be in her room with a book for a bit and then she's fine again. I also don't use early bedtimes as a punishment but an opportunity to get more energy to tackle the problem tomorrow.
#52
My family would accuse me of lying and get mad at me, even when I told the truth, and now I have issues where I get extremely defensive if I think someone thinks I'm lying, and I literally shut down when I so much as think someone is mad at me, it starts with me getting defensive or freaked out, and if it's bad enough I go quiet and full deer-in-headlights mode.
Yeah, totally thought that was normal as a kid, until I moved in with my dad.
#53
Riding the car with the windows rolled up and my Mother smoking Pall Mall nonfilters.
Pheebs 1 hour ago (edited)
Gawd, the smoking. They usually crácked the window, but it was awful. Didn’t find out until my 20s that getting chest colds as often as I did - and multiple rounds of bronchitis, plus a round of bilateral pneumonia as an infant that almost kílled me - was actually being caused by being around smokers 24/7. Once I moved out most of my breathing issues and chest colds stopped. Now I just get the normal stuff.
#54
Being expected to run after my parents like servants as well as do all of the housework from around 4th grade onward. My parents ordered my sister and I around constantly. They wanted tea or coffee? We were supposed to make it. They wanted food. We were supposed to fetch/make it.
The pile-on of being at school from around 7:15 am (first on the bus on a 45-minute rural route) to 4:00 (last off the bus on the same route), doing homework with the expectation that we'd be on the honor roll, and then having to do all of the cleaning in the house, fetch and serve, and do some of the cooking was not right. It was way too much for kids. I never even questioned how hard it was until decades later when people were doing everything for their kids as part of modern parenting.
To this day, I feel like I'm failing if I'm not doing everything fast and well because of how I was raised.
#56
It probably was OK, felt very strange but acceptable. Back in the ‘50s the mom of one of my friends would check every kid going into her house for head lice. Each time. She never found any, but we had to line up for her inspections. .
#57
Only being socialized with your parents friends not anybody your own age.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 7 hours ago
My mom forced me to take the GED (high school equivalency test, not sure if UK/Europe has an equivalent) when I was 13. She forced me to start college when I was 14. My last year of public school was 7th grade. None of the other college students (18+ years old) wanted to hang out with a 14-year-old. I ended up extremely socially stunted, which is something that has continued to this day. I know I'm very emotionally and socially immature still, even though I'm 44. Not allowing children to socialize with their peers can be very damaging. (My mother was trying to get me to be a child genius and a child actor, so I was not allowed to spend time with the few school friends I still had after she pulled me out of public school.)
#58
Being forced to smile and say ‘thank you’ for gifts or attention I didn’t actually like. I thought that was normal as a kid now I realize it was a bit manipulative.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 7 hours ago
I believe showing gracious appreciation for a gift, even if it's something you "don't like", is proper etiquette and polite. You can dislike the gift all you want, but saying "ew, I don't like this and I don't want it" is a pretty cráppy thing to do. Manipulative? Maybe. But it's also how we fit into society. Throwing a gift on the ground and saying "No thanks, I don't like this" is not exactly polite when you're a kid or an adult. If you don't like a gift, you approach the gift-giver afterwards and have a normal conversation with them about it (to hopefully stave off similar gifts in the future.) Or just quietly regift or sell the disliked gift XD We all have to be polite to be a part of society.
#59
Candy cigarettes...
That’s all what I yam 8 hours ago
Not good modeling, but they tasted good, as opposed to the smell and taste of the real thing.
What do you think ?
Chaotic Good 3 hours ago
"I did the best I could with you!" Yeah well if that is even remotely true, then you fncking SUCKED at it.
Multa Nocte (she/her/86 47) 26 minutes ago
As one ages it is interesting to see the things that were common when we were children become outlandish or considered "worst practice" as we grow older. That's why it is frightening when something like vaccinations, which were VERY highly regarded when I was young and did SO much good, are now considered "bad" by so many people, especially those in power.
Chaotic Good 3 hours ago
"I did the best I could with you!" Yeah well if that is even remotely true, then you fncking SUCKED at it.
Multa Nocte (she/her/86 47) 26 minutes ago
As one ages it is interesting to see the things that were common when we were children become outlandish or considered "worst practice" as we grow older. That's why it is frightening when something like vaccinations, which were VERY highly regarded when I was young and did SO much good, are now considered "bad" by so many people, especially those in power.
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