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Seeing a good clapback is always satisfying. It's witty, has an element of justice, and can defend against unnecessary insults. The funnier it is, though, the more effective. We don't only want justice, we want to make the comeback sting more with a joke.
There is an X (Twitter) page that collects this sort of humor. People online say all sorts of things. And there's no shortage of wannabe comedians or just people with a well-developed funny bone online as well. Clever Comebacks is the place where one can find some witty roasts. So we invite you to scroll through our selection from this X page and tell us your own stories of clapping back in style.
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#3
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 year ago
Already done thanks to Obama. Seriously my roommate is diabetic and when he got on ACA his insulin went from $500 per month to $50 per month. He literally cried he was so happy.
How many of us would want to be able to come up with witty comebacks on the spot? How often do most of us wonder how to clap back in the moment? Not an hour, a day, or a week later. The secret to a great comeback, according to a theater artistic director, is focusing, really focusing, on what the other person is saying.
Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio (TLS) in Frankfurt, told the BBC in 2016 that you can't really plan a good comeback. It's like improv on stage in that regard – you work with what the other person is giving you. Paul claims that people think faster than other people speak. That gives them time to come up with a witty answer.
#4
laura lee 1 year ago
So tell me what vegan jewelry sculptures and monuments look like? Yeah you can't
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Bewitched One 1 year ago
I laugh at this every time. I think the atheists only tell that person because they want them to stop preaching about their own religion
Little Phoenix 1 year ago
And kill each other over slight differences in the interpretation of how to be an Atheist
Tiffany Marie 1 year ago (edited)
I'm surprised more people aren't athiests now. I did my time. 12 years growing up in a fundamental church cult. It's all about power and control. Narcissistic pastor who spent all the money given on Hawaii trips and Rolex watches. He even preached one day saying if we didn't give more he'd go to a different church that pays. Church people are so brain washed and also judgemental. The most annoying thing is they're too easily offended. "You haven't been to this church! It's the real deal!" It's NOT. Holy ghost Pentecost is a cult built on narcissism. It's like if Homelander was the Pastor. My long time friend recently texted me saying I need Jesus. She was blocked. No. I don't. I need better people who are healthy emotionally. I have had therapy, goals, sobriety ect. It's a shame as I could use CoDa which is a support group for codependency but just can't deal with the Jesus stuff.
willow_ 1 year ago
You are on point with a lot of congregations being cult-like, judgemental, etc. But those kinds of congregations do not follow the bible and use it as their guide for life. They will be the ones to pick out verses and use them against you, and they will make unsolicited remarks about how "if only you went to church," etc. But I am a Christian, and not all of us are like that. We, as Christians, were told to love our neighbor, and even love those who hate us. We are told not to be judgemental or to gossip. We are even told that we should not condemn people. While some "Christians" are like what you describe, not all of us are.
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michael Chock 1 year ago
Don't forget asking body parts of past notable Atheists to grant wishes or at least to pass their messages along to nothing.
Flora Porter 1 year ago
One of those posts that BP seems to be contractually obliged to publish once a month.
Z Alexi 1 year ago
Whatta bunch of concocted hooey Flora Porter typed..."Contractually obliged"~~like she knows. Get lost.
Load More Replies... Suck it Trebek 1 year ago
As an atheist I approve this reply. And another thing alot of atheist don't even tell people because alot of us don't want to deal with the backlash and proselytizing that inevitably follows.
Sonja 1 year ago
I'm an agnostic. Religious people have generally less problems with accepting me than atheists. They always try to prove to me that god doesn't exist by claiming the concept was unscientific. And that is true, but it's not proof that Gpd dors or doesn't exist. It's a circular (and ridiculous) argument to say: the existence of God can't be proven, thus for he doesn't exist, because that would mean also, that things also only exist, if they can't be proven. Up to today it isn't possible to finally prove that black holes exist. No one has seen one. No one is able to. We know that they most likely exist, because the math works out and wouldn't work if they didn't. But no scientist would exclude the possibility that they don't exist only based on that. There could be another phenomenon causing the effects we see, which we don't know. That's science. As an agnostic I'm adamantly sure we can't know if God exists and in which form. Because we can't qualify God in any way
Jennifer Ness 1 year ago
Never have I heard or read anything from an atheist saying the REASON for their atheism is that it's unscientific. I have heard and read many an atheist use science to push back on ridiculous claims made by believers (Earth is 6,000 years old, dinos didn't exist, eyeballs are proof of intelligent design, etc.)
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Vicki Perizzolo 1 year ago
hahahaha -- at least we don't wear warning labels or go door to door either.
William Travis 1 year ago
I was at my job for over 11 YEARS before anyone knew I was atheist... meanwhile the part-time preacher made sure everyone knew his religon within a week of them being hired.
Somethingpenguin 1 year ago
This showed up on another post, so as jerome (idk the last name sry) yes they charge I the name of noooootthhhhhhiiiiiinnnngggg
Anne McKinney 1 year ago
That is the exact argument I use when I hear someone say the LGBTQ community is shoving our lifestyle down their throats. It's laughable!!
Mickie Shea 1 year ago
I did not know this, so now I shall get my bucket of notes and head for the streets.
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
It's not an either or scenario though, like most things. Some atheists do like announcing to everyone their views, just like some Christians do, and some don't, like Christians or any other religious group.
JessieJ&LilyLovebug 1 year ago (edited)
Obnoxious doesn't need a reason, but religion is as good a reason as any. Lack of religion works, too. Or any of the other MANY reasons people use to make them feel better about their actions and choices. I don't blame the faith, science, or hobby, I blame the human, because at the end of it all, that human is the source of the problems, and all the other things are just set dressing for justification, and behavior enabling tools.
Sarah Phillips 1 year ago
This is so real!! Atheists will even knock on your door and hand you pamphlets about Atheism
Rebecca Derr 1 year ago
Christ never pushed his views on anyone. It was the person's choice to believe or not.
Jennifer Ness 1 year ago
You don't follow Jesus' teachings. You follow your pastor and peers. How do I know? You told me with your reply. (You may align with God but you don't sound Christ-like.) Atheists generally have values that align fairly closely to Christ's (but not his dad so much; those who follow dad but not Christ are also usually also the most noisy about putting down other gods who are the same god as Christ's father.) The more one studies religion the more likely they are to lose faith. It all falls apart when you study it. Enjoy your Sundays in church and do what you like, but stop persecuting people who don't believe. Especially when those people live the values you claim have been taught to you by religion.
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Paul says good listening skills come in handy when coming up with a clever comeback. For those who want to hone their listening skills, she suggests a simple game of one-word volleyball. Two people build a story by quickly adding a word as a response to what the other person just said.
She uses the same technique when teaching improvisation theater. "The goal is that we let go of our own ego and our own ideas because a huge part of listening is that you really have to be willing to be changed by what's being said," Paul told the BBC.
#8
Kappy Pfeiffer 1 year ago
I love this one. But just like the sun and moon, it probably goes right over OP's head.
People begin hearing insults thrown at them in childhood. Although at that age they might seem insignificant, a child should know how to react properly. Psychiatrist Suzanne Bender, M.D., writes for Psychology Today that ignoring the other person doesn't always work. "Rude remarks without any pushback may continue, or even escalate," she added.
#12
Agreeing with the offender might work. But children should do so with humor. If a kid tells another child "You look like a grape in this shirt", the kid might retort with "Well, I love grapes and couldn’t be prouder to represent this fruit." Yet the problem with this is that it requires verbal agility and to think on one's feet.
#15
Jeff White 1 year ago
And Polio, Ruebella, Measles, Pertussis, hell even Chicken Pox. Before a vaccine became available, approximately 100 US children, died each year from Chicken Pox.
However,children can practice and enhance their verbal agility. Bender suggests parents roleplay with their kids. That way, the child can take turns to be both the aggressor and the responder. Practicing these types of situations might increase the kid's confidence. Next time, they might have a clever comeback prepared, and that's incredibly empowering to a young child.
#17
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 year ago
Also the left isn''t the one hoarding guns and ammo and preparing for a new civil war. We don't want war and bloodshed. That's kind of our thing.
What's interesting is that "the battle of wits" is not an invention of social media. Pamela Druckerman writes for The New York Times about the movie "Ridicule", which examines the social injustices of late 18th-century France. It portrays French aristocrats as having a never-ending battle of wits.
#20
#21
Whiskey Tango Delicious 1 year ago
Living in California, the Swiss Cheese logic here is accurate.
The film is set on the eve of the French Revolution, and shows the corruption and callousness of the aristocrats. Those who were able to make their rivals look ridiculous, possessed 'esprit.' As Merriam Webster defines it, the term means 'vivacious cleverness or wit.' The movie’s tagline is this: "Wit opens every door."
#24
Jeff White 1 year ago
Regardless of the man / woman context, this is the best response of all.
Druckerman likens this order of society to her daughter's playground. You and everyone around you is in a competition not to look ridiculous. "When my daughter complained that a boy had insulted her during recess, I counseled her to forget about it," Druckerman writes. "She said that just wouldn't do: To save face, she had to humiliate him."
#25
#26
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago (edited)
Not to mention that just because two people of biologically opposite genders (male and female) have sex and conceive, that does NOT mean those people are or were “straight”. Bisexual people exist. Pansexual people exist. And non-binary people exist. And genderfluid people exist. Many people are capable of conceiving a child. Having sex that results in pregnancy does not automatically make the genetically-contributing parties “straight”.
So if we're doomed to always be on our toes and have witty comebacks ready on the go, how do we make them land? Belina Raffy, a business improvisation consultant, told the BBC that it's best to respond to an insult in a positive way. She says that toxic banter turns the environment sour for every employee.
#29
I love my golden retriever 1 year ago
Did they seriously just suggest daily prostitution as a retirement plan?
Instead of being mean, says Raffy, try to reveal the "ridiculousness of the situation" and don't make the antagonist the bad guy. It's best to turn them into the "victim" of the circumstances. What are some examples? "If a colleague says, 'This project is going nowhere fast,' you could say, 'At least it's going and I intend to steer it in the right direction,'" Raffy suggests.
#31
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 year ago
Europeans didn't colonize America, they conquered it by committing genocide on the people who were already here.
#35
#42
Clown fish 1 year ago (edited)
Maybe if you cover your face with a mask you might get some action to
#43
Jeff White 1 year ago
I think the OP is a functional something, but BoredPanda doesn't allow bad words ...
#45
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 year ago
Kevin Sorbo is the guy famous for playing Hercules in the '90s TV series. He has since gone a little funny in the head and believes some very strange things.
#48
Ryan-James O'Driscoll 1 year ago
It's actually not a bad way to cook salmon. It's not a great way, but a healthy and simple dinner in 3 minutes. Fish will be nice and flaky.
#49
Jeff White 1 year ago
Uh oh, you're trying to use sense or logic on a vaccine denier? It is astounding how ineffective that method is (although "I" think your example is brilliant). Well done.
#50
#53
#56
#59
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 year ago
Oklahoma City. Charlottesville. Pulse nightclub. January 6th. I can go on.
#62
Jeff White 1 year ago
I appreciate your attempt at common sense. But people who are so deranged regarding vaccines are never going to be affected by math and science and the common sense stuff. I really wish I had something wise and profound to say and help, but I don't.
#64
BrownTabby 1 year ago (edited)
On a related note, am I the only one who would have gone bum over breakfast if I’d tried to run full tilt down a bunch of stairs in heels? And am I the only one who wants a version where she does fall down the stairs and the prince helps her and her clothes change back and she tells him what’s going on and he’s a bro and lets her stay with him and gets his guards to throw the stepbītches in the dungeon and “And she was STAYING AT HIS PLACE!” ensues?
#66
#71
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 year ago
One of my favorite YouTube channels is called "Worst Games Ever". I enjoy watching people play terrible games I'd never play.
#75
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago
Yup, because c'mon, you don't want to be known as Broke-cula now, do you?
#76
General Anaesthesia 1 year ago (edited)
"Over paid, over sexed, and over here". - About American soldiers stationed in Britain during WWII.
#77
#78
#80
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 year ago
Pronouns this woman used to make that statement. "I" (several times), everyone, your, we. These people don't know what pronouns are do they?
#82
Jennifer Mathison 1 year ago
But the “creator economy’’s” product couldn’t be made without the existence of the Netflix one?
#83
BrownTabby 1 year ago
So…children…should not…act out scenes from their favourite shows…during…their designated play time…? Is that what you’re trying to say here?
#85
Scarlett Pettis 1 year ago (edited)
Y E S S S Treat your children with kindness, dignity, respect, and empathy, and they will grow up to to be functionally awesome members of the world.
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What do you think ?
Lydsylou (she/her) 1 year ago
We need less AITAs and more of these. It's actually entertainment
The Original Bruno 1 year ago
EVERY SINGLE ONE of the first 20 had been on BP at least a dozen times.
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The Original Bruno 1 year ago
I'm left wondering how many times Bored Pandas will see the exact same jokes repeated again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again before they stop up-voting while saying to themselves "Oooh! I love this joke because it reinforces my political opinions"
Lydsylou (she/her) 1 year ago
We need less AITAs and more of these. It's actually entertainment
The Original Bruno 1 year ago
EVERY SINGLE ONE of the first 20 had been on BP at least a dozen times.
Load More Replies... The Original Bruno 1 year ago
I'm left wondering how many times Bored Pandas will see the exact same jokes repeated again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again before they stop up-voting while saying to themselves "Oooh! I love this joke because it reinforces my political opinions"
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