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Someone Online Wondered “What Rules Has Your Cat Set In Your Household?” And 46 Folks Delivered
Those unfamiliar with owning a cat might think that having one is just that - another living being occupying the same house as you. They might also think the same about dogs, and that you’d be the one implementing house rules for your furry friend, which, my friends, is an absolute lie. You’re never the one to impose rules on a cat, and it is always vice versa; it’s cat house rules, not yours! And if you’re thinking that we’re pulling your leg here, just take a look at the stories of pet cats ruling these Redditors’ households - not only are the submissions in this AskReddit thread worthy of being called comedy gold, but they are also the truth and nothing but.
If you’re still dubious that a cat rules the house if given a chance, here are a couple of real-life examples. Say you’re used to keeping your clothes on that one chair we all have designated for the ‘might use it again’ pile. Now, your cat also thinks that it’s their favorite chair to chill out on. You battle for it for a while - you might even offer another perfectly fine chair for it to lounge on - but then you realize it isn’t you who decides on house rules for cats, but rather the cat who decides house rules for you, and you just give up. And that’s just a very basic example! Cats are much more elaborate with their plans to rule your household, and they always, always win, the little tyrants.
Right-o, ready for one heck of an adventure reading these people’s confessions of cats becoming their overlords? Once you’re through with it, you’ll definitely understand the real meaning behind the ‘my house, my cat, my rules’ saying. And if these fun yet kinda threatening stories from this Reddit thread don’t make you want a cat less than before, you’re definitely good for adopting one!
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"Usually, by 10 pm I'm in bed, where I watch TV for an hour or so before I sleep. 10 pm is cat cuddle time.
If I am not in my room by 10 pm then everyone gets a lecture from my old tom cat. If I'm not home, my husband will be yelled at.
No one can touch the cat but me (I think his previous owner must have been abusive) and he is obsessed with me. Huge old tom that acts more like a dog than a cat. He has huge PTSD eyes, so he is always looking at you with an expression that says 'I've seen some s*it. Now pet me.'"
Well done you for taking him on. 'Difficult' cats or dogs are ultimately much more rewarding than 'normal' pets.
All pets are rewarding. The difficult ones NEED you more. I had the best dog for almost 20 years. He was easy to potty-train, never stole food, quiet when we needed him to be, smart as a whip, real personality: (he had his "doggie enemies" ; three doggie girlfriends) obedient to a fault -- yet, what a joy. What an absolute, utter JOY. Love in a fur suit. I'm crying now. I miss him as if he had been a part of me. 2nd-Fave-B...-png-1.jpg 
3rd-Fave-B...d1-png.jpg 
I have a once feral wont let me pet him during the day but I better be in bed by 11 and dish out plenty of petting while he talks to me.
Wow, I could have written some of this! My cat, that I love more than life itself, belonged to my mother-in-law. However, she has some serious health issues going on and can’t properly take care of him so we have him. He is the sweetest older cat (nobody knows exactly HOW old, but over 10 based on teeth), and he makes sure I have a bedtime, gets grumpy if I am up too late…. Shoot, I am gonna be talking a lot on here, aren’t I? 🤷🏻♀️
Having a cat is rewarding, especially one that needs more love. You saved the poor kitty, so pure
My girlcat wouldn't let me touch her for THREE years unless I was in the bathroom! Then she'd throw herself down, roll over, & demand belly rubs!
Fun reading but don't let your cat outside, Please! - https://abcbirds.org/program/cats-indoors/cats-and-birds/
Force yourself to read the article, many cat owners do not realize what a toll cats take on bird populations - it is a GOOD read !
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Pretty amazing this cat trusts you so much. Animals can sense things we can't about people. You must be pretty dang on awesome to win the love if this beautiful fur baby
My cat's bedtime was 11. If I was not on the pillow, at 11:05 he'd come to the living room door and whine. It got to the point where I kept stack of Harlequins by my chair (unreadable, but good for chucking in his general direction to shut him up.)
I had to be in bed by 11pm no matter if we had guests or not. He screamed at everyone that I was to go to bed. I bought him a heat pad and put it on the end of the bed. He just wanted to be warm.
My last cat was like that, we got her at 7, she eventually trusted me, not my wife. Mainly because she could bite and claw me and I wouldn't berate her, she would only sit on me if there was a blanket or duvet between us, she tear you to pieces if you tried to pick her up. She went blind at 10 but still carried on, she was 2.5kg the whole time we had her. It destroyed me to have her put down, the look of betrayal she gave me lingers to this day.
My bedtime is 23:30 max according to my cat, if it goes past that there will be yelling and if it goes too far past that there will be breaking stuff noisily.
Our oldest cat decided to take on our 6 as his human while 6 was still kicking him from in my tum. He knows that the 6 won't stay still when awake, so as soon as he is asleep kitty is there lying on his human purring smugly. If 6 isn't asleep by the expected time, I'm the one that gets the affronted looks and sniffs.
I've got a cat that does this too. She will sit at my feet between 8 and 9 pm and yell at me if I'm not in bed by then.
Awww. Bless that old boy. Better keep that 10 pm bedtime so you won't get cussed out!
I too had an Abused Cat, she passed 5/20/2023. She was in No Way "Difficult", she was a Special Needs Cat", High Maintenance but in No Way Difficult.
Blessings for loving your old tom....You are his Person....Bless Your Person for understanding ..Bless Brave Boy for trusting
I never laughed so hard in my life at your description of old Tom there at the end. I believe he probably has CPTSD. It’s chronic!😅😅😂
"They must sit as close to my face as possible, preferably on my face. My inability to breathe is my problem."
"Leave the door open, you don't need privacy in the toilet."
BloodAngel85 replied:
"I have 3 cats and a dog, I don't even bother closing the door anymore."
we need to see you to make sure you don't pull a elvis...consider it a favor :3
"Bed making will always include at least one cat jumping on the bed to 'help'.
Well DUH ... bed making is not a chore, hooman ... it's a game that must be played!
"If there is a face-sized hole in the center of the food bowl, the bowl is effectively empty."
Buy a wider, shallower bowl or a plate and read about whisker fatigue.
"If you do anything to my poop box, I must immediately rechristen it."
only the peasents of my kingdom use poop boxes, us higher class cats use whats called "plants in a vase" mush more proper.
"After sleeping, changing the sleep position will not be tolerated."
meech7607 replied:
"My cat used to sleep in the valley that's made by the blanket between your legs. One night I was in that twilight almost asleep phase and he was sleeping down there, and I didn't realize it. I rolled over and catapulted him off of the bed."
Sister's cat: "Nighttime cuddles are a must." *curls up against side of my sister's leg* Sis: "It's a hot summer night. Leave a few inches." *Scoots over* Cat: *Follows and presses against leg* Sis: *Scoots over* Cat: *Follows and presses against leg* Sis: *reaches edge of bed, goes to other side* Cat: *repeats process*
"You can touch but don't touch."
One of my cats constantly shows his tummy when I'm petting him, but it's a trap. You can touch me, nope, no touch!
"I must be in every room you are. I will claw at the door and carpet if I am not allowed in.
Do not follow me around. I want my space."
DOTHETHING_ replied:
"Cat must have the option of being in any room you are in. Will check stuff out then leave immediately. If you close the door then the cycle repeats."
"Clean laundry will be considered as a bed."
"Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out."
BillohRly asked:
"Have you tried letting her out? And then let her in? And then letting her out and then letting her..."
"Are you beginning to fall asleep? Then I must run wide open from one end of the house to the other at least four times. The galloping sound will help you sleep."
I actually find the sound of my cats having their 3:00 am rodeo quite soothing. It means that all's right with the world.
"Going to the bathroom? Need to drink from the faucet. Walk past the bathroom? Need faucet water. Make eye contact? Need faucet water."
"No placing of hands or feet outside of blankets."
soitsmydayoff replied:
"To add onto this, no sudden movements underneath the blanket, or else it's fair game."
I trained my cats when they were tiny kittens that attacking feet or hands in bed was strictly forbidden, and made a point of never ever using my hands or feet as toys for them to play with so they wouldn't be confused.As a result I have 7 cats who do not attack my feet at night. It's not hard to train your cats, and it's important not to tolerate or encourage "cute" behavior in kittens that will be a problem when they're adults.
"Cats get the spot on the bed that they want, dogs may have the leftovers."
"You may attempt to knit/sew, but I will be attacking the wool every five seconds. Extreme knitting."
"Any uncovered food will be licked."
My kittens very quickly learn that I’m blind in my right eye and will trick me into turning my head away from my plate by staring hard at something. When I turn to see what’s got their attention they snatch some food off the plate and run out the room to eat it
"I am more important than Game of Thrones. To illustrate this point, I will frequently stand on the coffee table, directly in your line of sight to the television."
"The 40kg dog must at all times display submissive behavior towards the cat unless he wishes nails in her b*tt."
"I want food right now but I will eat later."
BloodAngel85 replied:
"For my male cat, it's 'I want food now, but I'll only eat a small amount and come back expecting to be there 5 minutes later.' Unfortunately, his 2 sisters are pigs when it comes to food, so he just meows at me for more."
Yup, 5am start for me, so put food down at 4.30 before heading off with 2 cats eagerly waiting and yowing. Get back at 3 to find less than a quarter eaten but expecting fresh .... spoiled little sods !! Love them both to pieces, 20 year old brother and sister, slowing down a bit but still active, long may that continue.
"Christmas is for us.
Christmas trees are exclusively for us."
I don't bother with a tree anymore, my older cat destroyed the last one!
"If you do not maintain visual contact with cheese products at all times you agree to forfeit your right to finish eating said cheese products."
"Once your alarm goes off, it's cuddle time. Oh, you want to go back to sleep? Then you'll have to do so with 11 lbs of Bogart on your chest."
"My face is itchy. Please scratch it without touching me."
And don't stop till I tell you to. Or there will be conssssssequences.
"The fridge is a paradise. Don't quite know why they like it in there either."
"All showers must be supervised from in between the shower curtains. No exceptions. Sometimes even on top."
I'm glad my little cat just "loafs" and waits on the bathmat while I shower.
"If they meow in the middle of the night, I must respond immediately (or else be hit in the face with their sharp claws)."
Trust me, when you hear then sound of a cat in the early stages of throwing up on your bed in the middle of the night, regardless of how tired, drunk or inept you are, you will be shoving him/her off the bed in a nanosecond, followed by covering the pile of sick or hairball with toilet paper until the morning ; in my case, leaving it for my lovely Wife to clear up (before you condemn me, if I did it, it would be joined by my own vomit ; I clear the stuff up from the other end....)
"You're awake? Feed me. I don't care if it's 2 am, feed me."
Cat smacks person in the face repeatedly, then, when person wakes up, cat: “oh you’re awake, too! What a coincidence. Feed me.”
" All rugs are mine."
"The water needs to be perfectly full and clean at all times, it can't even be medium-full."
"All food is subject to taste testing."
I once left a loaf of brioche bread on my counter, still wrapped in the plastic bag. When I went to get some an hour later the cats had gnawed through the bag to the bready goodness inside and eaten half the loaf
"When you shut off all the lights to go to bed, that is ancient cat language for war. And therefore I will attack your legs as soon as the lights go off."
"The toys I played with yesterday must be replaced with brand new, different toys today."
"Cat goes to the left of the laptop, blocking the vent."
"The spring on the bottom of the door is your new alarm clock."
"We will climb up your curtains and ruin them."
All things vertical yield to the feline domesticus - sometimes with catastrophic results.
"Any accessible bread products will be destroyed (not eaten, just shredded)."
BrutalHonestyBuffalo replied:
"My cats don't destroy bread - but for whatever reason, if we leave a bread product unattended - you can be sure there will be one giant bite taken out of it. Plastic/paper and all."
"Cats eat before dogs."
Dogs serve humans and so, clearly beneath cats - who believe humans were put on earth to serve them.
"The picnic bench in the garden is my territory. If you are eating lunch out there, you must first appease me with tidbits."
"Any food placed before you belongs to me. What I do with that bite of food is my business. I'll probably just sniff it for two seconds and leave it there. Your food sucks. It smells great, but it sucks."
"I will stay off the left side of the counter as long as you let me sit next to the microwave and stare at the food."
My cats like to sit on top of the microwave and hang over the door and watch as the food rotates
"I must have the last corner or your vegemite toast. It is mine. Not yours. I will swipe it from your hand."
My cat's rule: "You must watch me eat. I don't care if you are in the kitchen, watching TV, sitting on the porcelain bowl, or dying with a knife in your chest. When I eat, you come look.”
Probably a safety thing. They really trust you to look out for them and don't feel comfortable eating without you
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Years ago, I had a cat who loved my tea (with milk). I had to buy a cup with a lid.
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If the human fails to provide face pets on command, the cat may display the Fluffy Tummy. When the Fluffy Tummy is displayed, the human will pet the Fluffy Tummy, and then the cat may then demand further pets to the face.
Aha. I have now uncovered my dogs secret. She is a cat! I always suspected. But seriously my dog does a ton of these things lol
Willow. “I will approach you on the right, squeakily asking for pets. The left side? That just will not do.” Nox. “There must be NO creases in the duvet or I can’t lie down.” Ozzy. “I heard your drawer open. Treat time is any time that happens.” Sweep. “Um no, you may NOT touch me unless I have my security cat (Nox) with me. And even then it’s begrudging. I will bath immediately after because I do not wish to smell like you!”
cats get fed dinner at 7pm, they insist it's at 530, and will hover, one wi rub her face on the lamp that sits directly behind my head. she tries threatening me with the lamp, I will rest my hand, on hereither with my entire fist and not move it, no matter how many times she gets bangs her teeth against it, and then she becomes the one who is annoyed.,
Well to start my pillow is NOT my pillow, my food is not my food, I go pee babette goes with me sometime 3 others ( I have 9 so lots of rules) you do NOT get coffee before their breakfast! They must have 5 different bowls of water and a fountain. No crunches on top of food we no eat til crunchies!!! There's 100's more
If you haven't seen "Simon's Cat" animations and still cartoons - you are in for a treat. He covers just about everything in this post ....no we haven't learned the name of the cat..... but it is Simon's! (website & YouTube)
After reading all of these, I have decided my cat is not a normal cat, or she forgot how to cat. She barely does anything it seems like normal cats do.
Enjoy it while you can. Your cat will read things and learn how to cat.
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If going down the stairs they must cross in front of your foot mid air to test your agility. Falling is failing. Now I use a light an go down the middle so I watch their shadows. Yes. 4 cats try to kill me every morning to race for the food.
Even though the food bowl has been in the same place for 16 years I must be shown its location every time I'm hungry. I'll notify you with an ear piercing yowl.
"I must check every pocket of your backpack or purse before leaving in case you're stealing treats or toys."
Anything you send to the evil loud paper spitting monster (printer) must be claimed immediately or else he hunts you down and complains until you comply.
"If I am sleeping in your lap, you are not allowed to get up until I am done with you. Addendum #1: And no sneezing! It wakes me up, jiggles your lap + the noise scares me."
As soon as I come down from washing and dressing in the morning, my cat comes for her brushing time. Also, when we are eating dinner (on our laps), she will come and inspect what we are eating, even if she doesn't want any, and she will bother my partner for pets by standing on her hind legs and waving her paw at him.
Mine has developed a routine that enforces his set of rules for feeding time & scooping of the litter box. STEP 1: Plaintive meows and sad eyes. STEP 2: Plaintive meows accompanied by gentle taps on my arm as I sit at the computer. STEP 3: Gentle bites to the forearm that's resting on the arm of the chair - if he can reach the REALLY tender part of your arm (the underside), he goes for that first, to let you know he means business. STEP 4: Time to escalate matters. If all other steps have not resulted in food-dish-filling-and-litterbox-maintenance, he places one paw on my deskside trash can and starts to rock it back and forth, while eyeing me intently - as if to say, "I'll do it. I swear to all the cat gods that I will!" If that is ignored, we move to DEFCON-4: he knocks the trash can over and runs like hell, because he knows I'll leap out of my chair at this point.
I'm not allowed to place anything on the right bottom corner of the bed, that's his spot to sleep. Also if you stir awake on the weekend, i will sit staring at your face til you get up to feed me.
If I've been out the cat must inspect my breath upon returning, for determining what I have had to eat. Poison control? 😅
The oldest cat must be let out when he wants, signified by a single meow as he stands by the door. If ignored screaming will ensue. If still ignored, he will come over and stare pointedly at us, sometimes sucking up by giving some cuddles. If STILL ignored, he has several tactics; bite a plant, scratch furniture, jump on a table, terrorize the other cat. So as previously stated... he MUST be let out when he wants. Having him inside for medical reasons at times is living with constant terrorization. Sometimes the weather is bad and he doesn't want to go out after all. At all such times it is our fault that it's windy/rainy, and this elicits passive agressive behavior, escalating into foot slaps (without claws). :')
One cat must be told when it's bed time, and asked to come to bed for however many times she deigns necessary. If not asked, she has a special ability to make us feel guilty. She will then wait for me spesifically to get ready, either outside the bathroom door, or at the stairs/top of stairs. She must recieve anything between one and three headkisses on the journey to the bed, all in spesific locations. On a rare occation when feeling extra affectionate, a fourth and fifth kiss, also in spesific locations. In the bedroom she will must lie on my duvet so I cannot get in, then my partner must ask her to come over for cuddles. If he is not there I must pat his duvet and she will trudge over there and take his spot. It must always be in this order. When he is there and she is finished cuddling, she will asume the guard position at the end of the bed nearest the door, thus in command of the room.
Our cat rules: breakfast is at 4am sharp. Dinner is at 4pm sharp. Snack time is at 7pm sharp.
My cats eat dinner at 5PM. Not a minute before, not a minute after or I'm in trouble :D
Ours is breakfast - 4:30 on the dot. If you wake up in the night it must be food time.
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Dinner is at 5.45 sharp. I will try every day to be fed at 5.30. I do understand the concept of 'later', I will loudly complain before stomping away, appearing a second later to give you a mean stare. After breakfast, I will yell at the window until you open it. During winter, I will stick my head out the window and yell at the world. I love belly rubs, but only for 3.2 seconds.
My cat's rule: "You must watch me eat. I don't care if you are in the kitchen, watching TV, sitting on the porcelain bowl, or dying with a knife in your chest. When I eat, you come look.”
Probably a safety thing. They really trust you to look out for them and don't feel comfortable eating without you
Load More Replies... Years ago, I had a cat who loved my tea (with milk). I had to buy a cup with a lid.
Load More Replies... If the human fails to provide face pets on command, the cat may display the Fluffy Tummy. When the Fluffy Tummy is displayed, the human will pet the Fluffy Tummy, and then the cat may then demand further pets to the face.
Aha. I have now uncovered my dogs secret. She is a cat! I always suspected. But seriously my dog does a ton of these things lol
Willow. “I will approach you on the right, squeakily asking for pets. The left side? That just will not do.” Nox. “There must be NO creases in the duvet or I can’t lie down.” Ozzy. “I heard your drawer open. Treat time is any time that happens.” Sweep. “Um no, you may NOT touch me unless I have my security cat (Nox) with me. And even then it’s begrudging. I will bath immediately after because I do not wish to smell like you!”
cats get fed dinner at 7pm, they insist it's at 530, and will hover, one wi rub her face on the lamp that sits directly behind my head. she tries threatening me with the lamp, I will rest my hand, on hereither with my entire fist and not move it, no matter how many times she gets bangs her teeth against it, and then she becomes the one who is annoyed.,
Well to start my pillow is NOT my pillow, my food is not my food, I go pee babette goes with me sometime 3 others ( I have 9 so lots of rules) you do NOT get coffee before their breakfast! They must have 5 different bowls of water and a fountain. No crunches on top of food we no eat til crunchies!!! There's 100's more
If you haven't seen "Simon's Cat" animations and still cartoons - you are in for a treat. He covers just about everything in this post ....no we haven't learned the name of the cat..... but it is Simon's! (website & YouTube)
After reading all of these, I have decided my cat is not a normal cat, or she forgot how to cat. She barely does anything it seems like normal cats do.
Enjoy it while you can. Your cat will read things and learn how to cat.
Load More Replies... If going down the stairs they must cross in front of your foot mid air to test your agility. Falling is failing. Now I use a light an go down the middle so I watch their shadows. Yes. 4 cats try to kill me every morning to race for the food.
Even though the food bowl has been in the same place for 16 years I must be shown its location every time I'm hungry. I'll notify you with an ear piercing yowl.
"I must check every pocket of your backpack or purse before leaving in case you're stealing treats or toys."
Anything you send to the evil loud paper spitting monster (printer) must be claimed immediately or else he hunts you down and complains until you comply.
"If I am sleeping in your lap, you are not allowed to get up until I am done with you. Addendum #1: And no sneezing! It wakes me up, jiggles your lap + the noise scares me."
As soon as I come down from washing and dressing in the morning, my cat comes for her brushing time. Also, when we are eating dinner (on our laps), she will come and inspect what we are eating, even if she doesn't want any, and she will bother my partner for pets by standing on her hind legs and waving her paw at him.
Mine has developed a routine that enforces his set of rules for feeding time & scooping of the litter box. STEP 1: Plaintive meows and sad eyes. STEP 2: Plaintive meows accompanied by gentle taps on my arm as I sit at the computer. STEP 3: Gentle bites to the forearm that's resting on the arm of the chair - if he can reach the REALLY tender part of your arm (the underside), he goes for that first, to let you know he means business. STEP 4: Time to escalate matters. If all other steps have not resulted in food-dish-filling-and-litterbox-maintenance, he places one paw on my deskside trash can and starts to rock it back and forth, while eyeing me intently - as if to say, "I'll do it. I swear to all the cat gods that I will!" If that is ignored, we move to DEFCON-4: he knocks the trash can over and runs like hell, because he knows I'll leap out of my chair at this point.
I'm not allowed to place anything on the right bottom corner of the bed, that's his spot to sleep. Also if you stir awake on the weekend, i will sit staring at your face til you get up to feed me.
If I've been out the cat must inspect my breath upon returning, for determining what I have had to eat. Poison control? 😅
The oldest cat must be let out when he wants, signified by a single meow as he stands by the door. If ignored screaming will ensue. If still ignored, he will come over and stare pointedly at us, sometimes sucking up by giving some cuddles. If STILL ignored, he has several tactics; bite a plant, scratch furniture, jump on a table, terrorize the other cat. So as previously stated... he MUST be let out when he wants. Having him inside for medical reasons at times is living with constant terrorization. Sometimes the weather is bad and he doesn't want to go out after all. At all such times it is our fault that it's windy/rainy, and this elicits passive agressive behavior, escalating into foot slaps (without claws). :')
One cat must be told when it's bed time, and asked to come to bed for however many times she deigns necessary. If not asked, she has a special ability to make us feel guilty. She will then wait for me spesifically to get ready, either outside the bathroom door, or at the stairs/top of stairs. She must recieve anything between one and three headkisses on the journey to the bed, all in spesific locations. On a rare occation when feeling extra affectionate, a fourth and fifth kiss, also in spesific locations. In the bedroom she will must lie on my duvet so I cannot get in, then my partner must ask her to come over for cuddles. If he is not there I must pat his duvet and she will trudge over there and take his spot. It must always be in this order. When he is there and she is finished cuddling, she will asume the guard position at the end of the bed nearest the door, thus in command of the room.
Our cat rules: breakfast is at 4am sharp. Dinner is at 4pm sharp. Snack time is at 7pm sharp.
My cats eat dinner at 5PM. Not a minute before, not a minute after or I'm in trouble :D
Ours is breakfast - 4:30 on the dot. If you wake up in the night it must be food time.
Load More Replies... Dinner is at 5.45 sharp. I will try every day to be fed at 5.30. I do understand the concept of 'later', I will loudly complain before stomping away, appearing a second later to give you a mean stare. After breakfast, I will yell at the window until you open it. During winter, I will stick my head out the window and yell at the world. I love belly rubs, but only for 3.2 seconds.
