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Someone Online Wondered “What Rules Has Your Cat Set In Your Household?” And 46 Folks Delivered
Those unfamiliar with owning a cat might think that having one is just that - another living being occupying the same house as you. They might also think the same about dogs, and that you’d be the one implementing house rules for your furry friend, which, my friends, is an absolute lie. You’re never the one to impose rules on a cat, and it is always vice versa; it’s cat house rules, not yours! And if you’re thinking that we’re pulling your leg here, just take a look at the stories of pet cats ruling these Redditors’ households - not only are the submissions in this AskReddit thread worthy of being called comedy gold, but they are also the truth and nothing but.
If you’re still dubious that a cat rules the house if given a chance, here are a couple of real-life examples. Say you’re used to keeping your clothes on that one chair we all have designated for the ‘might use it again’ pile. Now, your cat also thinks that it’s their favorite chair to chill out on. You battle for it for a while - you might even offer another perfectly fine chair for it to lounge on - but then you realize it isn’t you who decides on house rules for cats, but rather the cat who decides house rules for you, and you just give up. And that’s just a very basic example! Cats are much more elaborate with their plans to rule your household, and they always, always win, the little tyrants.
Right-o, ready for one heck of an adventure reading these people’s confessions of cats becoming their overlords? Once you’re through with it, you’ll definitely understand the real meaning behind the ‘my house, my cat, my rules’ saying. And if these fun yet kinda threatening stories from this Reddit thread don’t make you want a cat less than before, you’re definitely good for adopting one!
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"Usually, by 10 pm I'm in bed, where I watch TV for an hour or so before I sleep. 10 pm is cat cuddle time.
If I am not in my room by 10 pm then everyone gets a lecture from my old tom cat. If I'm not home, my husband will be yelled at.
No one can touch the cat but me (I think his previous owner must have been abusive) and he is obsessed with me. Huge old tom that acts more like a dog than a cat. He has huge PTSD eyes, so he is always looking at you with an expression that says 'I've seen some s*it. Now pet me.'"
Well done you for taking him on. 'Difficult' cats or dogs are ultimately much more rewarding than 'normal' pets.
"They must sit as close to my face as possible, preferably on my face. My inability to breathe is my problem."
"Leave the door open, you don't need privacy in the toilet."
BloodAngel85 replied:
"I have 3 cats and a dog, I don't even bother closing the door anymore."
we need to see you to make sure you don't pull a elvis...consider it a favor :3
"Bed making will always include at least one cat jumping on the bed to 'help'.
Well DUH ... bed making is not a chore, hooman ... it's a game that must be played!
"If there is a face-sized hole in the center of the food bowl, the bowl is effectively empty."
Buy a wider, shallower bowl or a plate and read about whisker fatigue.
"If you do anything to my poop box, I must immediately rechristen it."
only the peasents of my kingdom use poop boxes, us higher class cats use whats called "plants in a vase" mush more proper.
"After sleeping, changing the sleep position will not be tolerated."
meech7607 replied:
"My cat used to sleep in the valley that's made by the blanket between your legs. One night I was in that twilight almost asleep phase and he was sleeping down there, and I didn't realize it. I rolled over and catapulted him off of the bed."
Sister's cat: "Nighttime cuddles are a must." *curls up against side of my sister's leg* Sis: "It's a hot summer night. Leave a few inches." *Scoots over* Cat: *Follows and presses against leg* Sis: *Scoots over* Cat: *Follows and presses against leg* Sis: *reaches edge of bed, goes to other side* Cat: *repeats process*
"You can touch but don't touch."
One of my cats constantly shows his tummy when I'm petting him, but it's a trap. You can touch me, nope, no touch!
"I must be in every room you are. I will claw at the door and carpet if I am not allowed in.
Do not follow me around. I want my space."
DOTHETHING_ replied:
"Cat must have the option of being in any room you are in. Will check stuff out then leave immediately. If you close the door then the cycle repeats."
"Clean laundry will be considered as a bed."
"Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out."
BillohRly asked:
"Have you tried letting her out? And then let her in? And then letting her out and then letting her..."
"Are you beginning to fall asleep? Then I must run wide open from one end of the house to the other at least four times. The galloping sound will help you sleep."
I actually find the sound of my cats having their 3:00 am rodeo quite soothing. It means that all's right with the world.
"Going to the bathroom? Need to drink from the faucet. Walk past the bathroom? Need faucet water. Make eye contact? Need faucet water."
"No placing of hands or feet outside of blankets."
soitsmydayoff replied:
"To add onto this, no sudden movements underneath the blanket, or else it's fair game."
I trained my cats when they were tiny kittens that attacking feet or hands in bed was strictly forbidden, and made a point of never ever using my hands or feet as toys for them to play with so they wouldn't be confused.As a result I have 7 cats who do not attack my feet at night. It's not hard to train your cats, and it's important not to tolerate or encourage "cute" behavior in kittens that will be a problem when they're adults.
"Cats get the spot on the bed that they want, dogs may have the leftovers."
"You may attempt to knit/sew, but I will be attacking the wool every five seconds. Extreme knitting."
"Any uncovered food will be licked."
My kittens very quickly learn that I’m blind in my right eye and will trick me into turning my head away from my plate by staring hard at something. When I turn to see what’s got their attention they snatch some food off the plate and run out the room to eat it
"I am more important than Game of Thrones. To illustrate this point, I will frequently stand on the coffee table, directly in your line of sight to the television."
"The 40kg dog must at all times display submissive behavior towards the cat unless he wishes nails in her b*tt."
"I want food right now but I will eat later."
BloodAngel85 replied:
"For my male cat, it's 'I want food now, but I'll only eat a small amount and come back expecting to be there 5 minutes later.' Unfortunately, his 2 sisters are pigs when it comes to food, so he just meows at me for more."
Yup, 5am start for me, so put food down at 4.30 before heading off with 2 cats eagerly waiting and yowing. Get back at 3 to find less than a quarter eaten but expecting fresh .... spoiled little sods !! Love them both to pieces, 20 year old brother and sister, slowing down a bit but still active, long may that continue.
"Christmas is for us.
Christmas trees are exclusively for us."
I don't bother with a tree anymore, my older cat destroyed the last one!
"If you do not maintain visual contact with cheese products at all times you agree to forfeit your right to finish eating said cheese products."
"Once your alarm goes off, it's cuddle time. Oh, you want to go back to sleep? Then you'll have to do so with 11 lbs of Bogart on your chest."
"My face is itchy. Please scratch it without touching me."
And don't stop till I tell you to. Or there will be conssssssequences.
"The fridge is a paradise. Don't quite know why they like it in there either."
"All showers must be supervised from in between the shower curtains. No exceptions. Sometimes even on top."
I'm glad my little cat just "loafs" and waits on the bathmat while I shower.
"If they meow in the middle of the night, I must respond immediately (or else be hit in the face with their sharp claws)."
Trust me, when you hear then sound of a cat in the early stages of throwing up on your bed in the middle of the night, regardless of how tired, drunk or inept you are, you will be shoving him/her off the bed in a nanosecond, followed by covering the pile of sick or hairball with toilet paper until the morning ; in my case, leaving it for my lovely Wife to clear up (before you condemn me, if I did it, it would be joined by my own vomit ; I clear the stuff up from the other end....)
"You're awake? Feed me. I don't care if it's 2 am, feed me."
Cat smacks person in the face repeatedly, then, when person wakes up, cat: “oh you’re awake, too! What a coincidence. Feed me.”
" All rugs are mine."
"The water needs to be perfectly full and clean at all times, it can't even be medium-full."
"All food is subject to taste testing."
I once left a loaf of brioche bread on my counter, still wrapped in the plastic bag. When I went to get some an hour later the cats had gnawed through the bag to the bready goodness inside and eaten half the loaf
"When you shut off all the lights to go to bed, that is ancient cat language for war. And therefore I will attack your legs as soon as the lights go off."
"The toys I played with yesterday must be replaced with brand new, different toys today."
"Cat goes to the left of the laptop, blocking the vent."
"The spring on the bottom of the door is your new alarm clock."
"We will climb up your curtains and ruin them."
All things vertical yield to the feline domesticus - sometimes with catastrophic results.
"Any accessible bread products will be destroyed (not eaten, just shredded)."
BrutalHonestyBuffalo replied:
"My cats don't destroy bread - but for whatever reason, if we leave a bread product unattended - you can be sure there will be one giant bite taken out of it. Plastic/paper and all."
"Cats eat before dogs."
Dogs serve humans and so, clearly beneath cats - who believe humans were put on earth to serve them.
"The picnic bench in the garden is my territory. If you are eating lunch out there, you must first appease me with tidbits."
"Any food placed before you belongs to me. What I do with that bite of food is my business. I'll probably just sniff it for two seconds and leave it there. Your food sucks. It smells great, but it sucks."
"I will stay off the left side of the counter as long as you let me sit next to the microwave and stare at the food."
My cats like to sit on top of the microwave and hang over the door and watch as the food rotates
"I must have the last corner or your vegemite toast. It is mine. Not yours. I will swipe it from your hand."
My cat's rule: "You must watch me eat. I don't care if you are in the kitchen, watching TV, sitting on the porcelain bowl, or dying with a knife in your chest. When I eat, you come look.”
Probably a safety thing. They really trust you to look out for them and don't feel comfortable eating without you
Load More Replies... My cat's rule: "You must watch me eat. I don't care if you are in the kitchen, watching TV, sitting on the porcelain bowl, or dying with a knife in your chest. When I eat, you come look.”
Probably a safety thing. They really trust you to look out for them and don't feel comfortable eating without you
Load More Replies...