Ever had a heated online argument with a stranger, only to think of the perfect comeback three days later? Well, on the internet clock, a few days might as well be an eternity, and everyone’s already moved on.
But over on r/clevercomebacks, wasting time is unheard of. With over 2 million members, this subreddit is full of sharp retorts for any situation. At Bored Panda, we’re big fans. So we’ve rounded up the best comebacks they have to offer. Keep reading, you might just find the right response to silence that next awkward comment.
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Yep May Be It Is True
Then there’s the lack of knowledge about undocumented immigration at the US southern border. It’s as or more likely it’s Central Americans fleeing a living hell or certain death who are crossing into the USA. Which makes the “mexicans” misnomer inherently racist.
There is nothing inherently racist about it and if you're going to discuss others' lack of knowledge, you should gain some of your own. While there are plenty of people from Central America that flee to The U.S, the vast majority are actually North Americans from Mexico. Mexico is (and has been) literally the largest source of immigrants (both those people consider legal and those not) in The U.S. Although some years the percentage goes down, it still remains as the top nation. Assuming there is anything racist in that factual information sort of makes you the racist one, because you made a stupid assumption about a factual statement. The person is correct, Mexicans did not try to overthrow the government, full stop.
Load More Replies...That implies she has a brain. Ted Cruz' ex-escort service protégé is as stupid as Manjerie Trailerpark Green.
Load More Replies...The National Guard wasn't at the Capitol when MAGA-heads were peacefully protesting. They were called in by the only person who can call them in to DC, by the guy the mob was there to support, President Trump... Albeit three hours after the violence started. Now, all the spineless Republicans who said Trump was responsible but who refused to convict him after he was impeached and who, by the way said that the courts could handle his guilt, are now saying he shouldn't be prosecuted and are backing an inserectionist for President. Disgusting.
The sad part is so many people will continue to support knuckleheads like Boebert with nonsense even when grounded folks like Tennesseine speaks from the mountain top.
My brother moved from Grand Junction to SE Colorado to get out of her district (CO-3). He's now in the district she is carpetbagging (CO-4) and it looks like she's going to win. The sitting rep, Ken Buck resigned to give the Republican party a chance and they blew it. (Why they blew it - by resigning, there is a special election to replace him the rest of the current term. Boebert would have to either resign her old district to run for the fill-in chair or be forced to face the new Republican incumbent for the primary. The party could have chosen anyone of the 10 people already on the primary ballot for the current term but the state party chose someone everyone in the party hates who doesn't want to run in Nov.)
Load More Replies...The feeling of disappointment when you don’t have a clever reply on the spot actually has a name—it’s called ‘l’esprit de l’escalier’, or ‘staircase wit’. This term was coined by the 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot in his dramatic essay, Paradox of the Actor.
The phrase comes from an incident Diderot had over dinner. “A sensitive man, such as myself, overwhelmed by the argument leveled against him, becomes confused and doesn’t collect his thoughts until he’s at the bottom of the stairs,” the philosopher wrote.
Do You Have One?
In itself, it is a legitimate question. The "mixed breed/aesthetics" comment however is a severe signal that this person has no idea about the vast variety of how "mixed breeds" look and cares zero of the character of the cat or if there might be a click. And this is the only problem I see here. If buying for looks, get a stuffed animal.
All of my cats have been random-bred. Call them Heinz 57 or moggies, "alley cats" rock!
Load More Replies...While the intention to adopt a pet is noble, perhaps this person wants to get a pure bred pet at a shelter price.When adopting an animal most look for compatibility instead of lineage.
Dude, this is the best response to that entitled jerk who just wants a ",fashion piece" not an actual pet to use for her Tictok s**t.
Shelters have enough to deal with and don't have the time for pretentious twats.
I would love to know what the reply to that was, if the conversation went any further or not, because, damn, that must have hurt more than standing on a piece of Lego....
There’s a reason why we sometimes freeze and struggle to respond when someone says something upsetting. Our body sees it as a social danger and goes into defense mode.
“When someone says something offensive or harmful that hurts us or hurts a member of a community that’s really important to us, our nervous system can get activated,” said psychologist Kerry McBroome for Time Magazine. “The parts of the brain that are responsible for coming up with clever or witty things to say are just not online—they’re nervous and sensing a threat.”
Never Underestimate A Woman
Men, you can’t have babies. Sit down when *women’s* reproductive rights are discussed
Nice one Kristy, that's not a burn, that's more like an inferno!😎
Load More Replies...Funny how they're so quick to stand up when the discussion turns to our reproductive organs though!?- almost as if they at contradicting themselves or something!? Lol
How about women keeping the home front running while the men were fighting? And doing without many things like certain food products, gasoline, auto tires, we have ALWAYS carried our load and then some. Oh and how about females on the battle front these days. Oh, and the female nurses and doctors and medics who cared for the wounded, sometimes perilously close to the ongoing battles? How bout that you sexist dweeb?
And with no opportunity to defend themselves because they (couldn’t) bear weapons.
Load More Replies...Laughable when women have been barred from serving in combat roles and excluded for the draft not by women but by men.
Maybe women should be the ones talking war since men have started so many throughout history for the dumbest reasons.
Since I can’t reply directly to ‘I agree with you but…’ how many queens were there in comparison to kings? Very few since the crown was passed down to the male heir usually. And it isn’t only rulers that start wars. So I imagine the percentage of women starting wars is teeny tiny. Salty’s comments stands.
Load More Replies...War is fought by soldiers, and suffered by civillians. We all should care
Found It On Twitter. Hope I Am Not Too Late
I don't know if I'm due a booster, but it's probably worth doing just in case.
Flu-vid season is a b***h, Im wondering if they will combine the flu and covid shots in the future
Load More Replies...Their T-shirt slogans should go on their headstones
Load More Replies...Of course, some folks are naturally good at throwing verbal punches and do so whenever they can. But if you need some pointers in that area, blogger and podcaster Myke Macapinlac has tips on how to be more quick-witted and funny.
According to him, one of the first things you should learn is how to stay present in the moment. “Catch yourself when you’re ruminating and remind yourself to slow down your breathing. By doing so, you’ll be able to relax your body and bring yourself back to your current situation,” he advises.
Kid Has A Bright And Shocking Future In Front Of Him
Just Another Reason To Keep My Purple Hair
Money? (Like at the cash register? What? I'm not that old)
Load More Replies...If you’re having a conversation, Myke suggests really focusing on what the other person is saying. “It’s much easier to come up with the right things to say when you’re actually listening,” he notes.
“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”
99% of the US people are immigrants or descendants from immigrants, who either came to the US for a better life for themselves and their kids; or because they were criminals.
Third world is an economic term and doesn't refer to the paucity of any country or person. If this person doesn't know this, she is not intelligent enough to be bandying the term about as an intended insult. Another Trumpanzee, I take it?
Waive that flag Lauren, just like a twice impeach 34 count convicted felon tells you. Don't read your history books about fascist and nationalist christian movements that cost the world millions of children and parents
She should look into a mirror to see someone who can't assimilate to be civil.
Given Lauren is from Germany (according to her @name) she probably refers to countries in the Middle East and Africa without considering what else also counts as Third World. Asians and South Americans don't cause any trouble here and are infact quite welcomed by the society
My husband is a Middle Eastern immigrant who came to Australia as a child. He has a PhD in clinical psychology and is a registered child psychologist with a specialty in working with children with emotional dysregulation. His father is a diabetes educator, and when his mother was still alive she ran a social enterprise that helped people with barriers to employment to develop work skills. What have you done?
Load More Replies...here's a example that might blow your mind, most of the greatest minds were immagrants who moved to first world countries or another country Albert Einstein – One of the world's most famous scientists, German-Jewish refugee. Alexander Grothendieck – Mathematician, German-Jewish refugee. Robert Fano – Physicist, Italian-Jewish refugee. not to mention there is no, "first world country" since every country is messed up, bloody hell, America is now classified as a 3rd world country by the U.N standards for how they treat their people https://theconversation.com/us-is-becoming-a-developing-country-on-global-rankings-that-measure-democracy-inequality-190486
If America is a third world country based upon "how it treats its people" then third world countries have improved a hell of a lot.
Load More Replies...They Don't Give A Damn
I genuinely admire anyone that chooses to join the military to protect their country, however the idolising of Veterans in America never sits well with me. When you stir up patriotism, and putting civil servants on pedestals and paying such a low minimum wage that joining the armed forces is the only way out, yet shoe no care for returning and ex serviceman, except for give them 10% discounts everywhere and a “thank you for your service”, well, it seems to be like big business and corporations are involved somewhere,
When I mention I was in the Air Force, conservatives always make a show of thanking me for my service, often interrupting and talking over me to do so. When I mention my time in the military helped inform my political views of social liberalism and democratic socialism, they scream at me that I'm anti-American and a traitor. The supposed honoring of veterans isn't about the veterans, it's about the show and puffing themselves up.
Load More Replies...Honouring "their service and sacrifices" sounds like pure s**t if the government doesn't give them proper medical and mental care and just lets people with PTSD deal with it alone. Words and medals don't pay the rent, you know. I guess it must be extremely difficult for some of them to return to "normal" life, especially when their government couldn't care less for them once the return to civilian life. I read somewhere lots of homeless people in the USA are veterans who couldn't adjust or were too mentally ill to lead a "normal" life.
And with the people who went to Vietnam it was the worst, I think! They were dispised, weren‘t they?
Load More Replies...A whole month? As a non-american (there are only two types of people) I feel like america gives their military a bit (way) too much hype/praise.
isnt that American though? pride month, black history month, womens history month
Load More Replies...MAGA$$holes go all out on their being so proud for supporting the military because tRump made so much about "those liberal activists are against out nation and military troops" yet tRump got 5 deferrments from the military himself, those awful bonespurs kept him safe at home.
I think, DC Draino, you should take into consideration how Trump had 4-years to do something to improve the lives of veterans, yet many remain jobless, homeless, and in mental despair. Oh, and don't forget how your orange master called soldiers, who'd given their lives to defend this country, losers and suckers. This from a man who was so cowardly that he dodged the draft. I'd suggest thinking before speaking, but it's obvious I'd be asking far too much of you.
The lying orange felon hates Veterans, because we did what he didn't/doesn't have the courage to do, defend democracy.
Well Then Rip
Another key tip is to stop caring so much. Macapinlac points out, “Most individuals who struggle socially think that all eyes are on them. They’re so afraid of being judged by others that’s why they stifle their personality. To avoid embarrassing themselves, they just remain quiet.”
“Even if you say something silly, I can assure you that people would’ve forgotten about you by the time they get home”. By letting go of this fear, you’ll be more relaxed, which will help you make clever remarks faster.
What A Good Reply
Pretty relevant in NZ right now - we have a centrist right coalition government with a prime minster who claims to be Christian but is busy dismantling legislation that supports and protects the poor and vulnerable. Oh - and they have just spent $2.9 billion handing tax relief to landlords.
( Doesn't matter how loud you are, they have a lot of practice "not hearing" things they don't like. )
Load More Replies...Keep Your Stick On The Ice
Reminds me of that old joke: "We asked people how they view lesbian relationships. The question had to be rephrased after majority of responders answered 'in high definition'."
I don't believe in Same Sex Marriage, because having the same sex over and over gets really boring.
Load More Replies...i wish my country was like that, since aussie is still mostly christian dominated and still old, but most places just call it minding their own business and letting people be happy
I agree. The plebiscite result was a sign that there are more people here who celebrate love in all its forms than people who hate. So that gives me hope. The proudest I've ever been of my country in the 33 years I've lived here. We do still have miles to go though in reducing the hate even further, and making sure freedom of speech rights aren't abused to harass and harm the gay community. We saw with ScoMo's heavy-handed attempt at religious "freedoms" (his word, certainly not mine) reforms to require employers to tolerate homophobic abuse that the situation is shaky and it could just take one rogue government to dismantle the progress made
Load More Replies...In Sweden, we just see it as steady co-habitation, whether you're married or not, whether you're gay, straight or bi. Married people tend to have slightly more expensive household stuff, that's the biggest difference.
I think that All the anger that Canada has is expressed by their geese. They Give it to the geese and then continue pleasantly along just being great neighbors.😄. But seriously I kinda look to Canada now that America is having this catastrophic bipolar crisis.
I have friends who are homosexual, and I don't believe they chose that lifestyle, Nature made the choice for them.
In my country it isn't really allowed to have actual same-sex marriage, but otherwise nobody really gives a damn. If a girl likes girl or boy likes boy, it's their own thing and like 99% of people are just fine with that.
Love This Guy
How is a woman's body preference ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT MEN WANT. We have the right to body autonomy, that means we makes choices for our bodies for ourselves, we are not a potential appendage to a man in life, we have a life all our own.
I particularly love lines like "I'd date you if [you changed your body somehow]". My dude, what makes you think *I* want to date *you*?
Load More Replies...Novelist here and I couldn't create a fictional character who would want this loser.
I've faith in you. I think you could do it. But I can't see WHY you should even try to do such an useless extreme effort.
Load More Replies...Um comfortable with saying that that guy does not speak for all males. So of us accept women in all their beautiful shapes and sizes. Makes me ashamed that people are like this
sometimes I feel ashamed to be a man because of such incel/toxic attitudes 😞😢😞
Load More Replies...If men want the classic feminine hourglass shape, they should start wearing corsets and falsies.
incredibly underrated comment here ^^^^
Load More Replies...Well Rich, while you may have a point, you've neatly revealed yourself as an ignorant, misogynistic a*****e.
I see your point 👍 however in terms of balance and fairness the opposite must also apply and has to swing both ways equally
Load More Replies...I would like to point out, history is made of so many things we are only still now finding out, also I give you Valkyries, most female goddesses in Norse and Greek mytho, female samurai and well the list goes on really long story short, it's the person that owns the body that chooses the path with thy shall take, or another thing to think of, the option of a man doesn't matter and vise vurser if that person doesn't possess the body
Sometimes it’s good to prepare in advance. “Get a piece of paper and take the time to reflect. Think of previous situations where you wanted to say something clever but you weren’t able to. And then, brainstorm some good comebacks that you could’ve said,” the blogger recommends.
I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh
What do people like the man on the right hope to accomplish? Does he think that sign is going to miraculously "cure" the gay folks? I believe people like that are just happy to spread hate and judgment, and that it makes him feel morally superior. What a sad, small life.
Yeah, I looked it up and that guy has completely misquoted the bible passage.
Anyone who needs a book to tell them right from wrong is either a fool or a coward. Anyone who listens to a person proclaiming to know truth based on that book is both.
I wonder why so many "Christians" think they speak for God. (That Bible quote has been misinterpreted from the original Hebrew)
I'm so sick of this stuff. Just live and let live. If you don't agree with someone's lifestyle, or whatever the case may be, just agree to disagree, be respectful. All this hate sickens me.
So you're saying God makes mistakes? Or are you one of those who think it's a choice?
Not Be A Baby Machine
Look at your bodies, men! Arms, legs, and a mouth. God created you for the magnificent job of doing housework, cooking, and cheering on your woman in whatever endeavours she chooses to undertake! What can be more important than this?
Technically, if the human is nothing more than a means of transporting the genitals, men should be parked in barns to be connected to milkers 24/7
There's a show called "creameries" where it's a post apocalyptic world and women only keep men around to be "milked". It's pretty funny.
Load More Replies...I never wanted to be a breeding cow. I don't think even breeding cows want to be breeding cows.
Wanting to be a full time mother and guilting women into the “natural role of woman is mother” just reeks of the 70’s when we fought for Roe V Wade. God help us if T wins in 2024.
Look at your bodies men. Muscle, fat and protein. God created you for the magnificent job of nurturing carnivorous life! What can be more important than this?
I have all the bits and refuse to use them! We’re living the TING life and loving every minute of it. Does that make us both worthless, me for making a choice and my husband for agreeing and backing me up?!
Again, with the narrow Christian view on how life should be lived. There are ~10,000 religions in the world, and 7% of the global population is atheist. But too many aren't satisfied with simply worshipping their god, instead they have to stick their nose in where it doesn't belong.
I've all those bits and can't have children. My body killed all my pregnancies. Explain that? Absolute knnob!
Oof. That Burn Needs Some Love
As an atheist and non-nationalist, I have to admit, I'm terrified of another Trump term. These willfully-ignorant a-holes are convinced the Founding Fathers created a Christian nation despite all the historical documentation to the contrary.
People like him and his supporters scare the hell out of me. It’s all so terrifying and frustrating.
Load More Replies...Freedom. It's not freedom if only the rich and white have proper access to it.
Playing cards (but not gambling), going to the movies on Sunday, not cutting your hair or wearing make-up. These are things people (i.e., Puritans) made up to keep people in line. I had a sister-in-law whose religion didn't allow her to wear jewelry, so we she kept her wedding ring on a chain on her wallet.
That's it, I'm moving to Canada when I have the chance.
Funny reply but factually wrong. We do have health insurance. Either through work or Obama care. It’s just expensive and doesn’t cover everything.
It’s also important to manage your emotions. When you’re calm and collected, you come across as more confident. Macapinlac encourages trying out meditation and journaling to be more mindful.
“[This] will allow you to control the way you think. You’ll be able to identify and reframe your limiting beliefs. This will help you become less reactive, especially during stressful moments”.
Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe
That's pretty much the best explanation of why we wore face masks I've ever seen.
My favorite is "if we were meant to wear masks, we would have evolved them." "Okay John, but have you heard about shoes?"
Load More Replies...The masks in common use are designed to reduce the risk of the wearer passing germs, etc to the patient by coughing or sneezing. As such they give less protection to the wearer than to the person in front of the wearer. So my safety depends on you wearing your mask.
Yours is the most accurate & succinct explanation. My husband’s a cardiologist & is in theater/surgery one day a week. He & all others wear masks while they have you on the table to keep their germs from infecting you. You, as the patient, wear no barrier to protect him/them. The original practice of people in some Asian countries wearing masks out in public serves the wearer protecting the general public from a slight cough or cold. It seems like a basic common courtesy.
Load More Replies...If you are wearing pants, why do you care if I pee on you? You have pants on, right?
Idk if that works but I snort laughed anyway 😆
Load More Replies...I hated wearing the mask. As a smoker, it really impeded my already compromised ability to breath. Yet I wore them because I live in a building with elderly and infirmed people, and I didn't want to put them in further jeopardy.
Btw, you should still wear the better mask for airplanes etc if you don't want to lose holiday days for being ill. I didn't and got my third covid and missed 6 days for having a fever and being achy and tired. 🤬
THIS. It's kinda weird how much people don't these days, esp with more viral illnesses that might just take you out for days. It's like, do you WANT to be sick on your possibly expensive vacation? Esp flights to Orlando....families spend thousands, they're not canceling because little Jimmy is coughing, and many of them aren't making him wear a mask either because he'll complain about it. Protect yourself and your vacation.
Load More Replies...It has been YEARS and these morons still don't understand that masks protect OTHER PEOPLE, not the wearer.
Except for the ones that understand it perfectly and don't care.
Load More Replies...Yes it does work, and if you won't take advice, I don't care if you shuffle off this mortal coil.
It's not an accurate metaphor. If masks worked for this particular virus it would work for both inhalation and exhalation. Are you saying masks only work if both people wear one? That would imply it only works on inhaling or exhaling, not both. Are you aware if the 2 largest studies done on mask efficacy? Both turned in about a 15% efficacy rate. It works on the edges because those people who are meticulous about wearing masks also social distance more than those who are more lackadaisical about it.
Actually, masks are for preventing people who might have the virus from spreading it to other people. They do little to protect people from catching the virus. The problem with the people who refused to wear them was that they would say that you should only be forced to wear them when you get sick. The problem with that is that with any virus, there is a period of time at the beginning that you are sick with the virus but don't feel sick yet. And because you feel healthy, you interact with people as normal and get them sick even if they're wearing a mask because, again, masks prevent your sneezes and breaths from getting others sick.
If there's a chance that a mask keeps me safer on an airplane I will keep wearing one.
Load More Replies...Yes my mask worked and I did not give one care about the people who didn't wear them. Including the man who looked me in the eye and said it was government overreach - not even when he died two weeks later of Covid after being airlifted to a better hospital. I guess the airlift wasn't overreach?
You're The Problem
Most open-minded women are feminists to some extent. You have never met a happy woman? That says more about you than it does about them...
How would anyone know someone is a feminist? Doesn't exactly come up in a normal conversation, does it?
Because when I introduce myself, I say "Hi, I'm Xan, and I'm a feminist. This is my partner Jack, feminist, our dogs Hedwig & Toro, feminist, feminist, our cats Pantera, Sabbath,Chuckie, Andromeda, & Hot pockets, feminist, pessimist, nihilist, feminist, optimist....," and so on. Don't you? 🤭
Load More Replies...also feminists are often angry at society because men still hold way too much power and very little is changing over time
As I was telling a guy I was dating that I didn't see a future for us (he was so weird!) he said he liked me because I'm NOT a feminist. I asked him to explain and he said "Because you don't hate men". I told him there are many definitions of feminism but that wasn't mine!
Room Temperature IQ
I came here to see if someone had put this and laugh very loudly 😂😂😂😂
Load More Replies...And now, thanks to the american supreme court, people can buy attachments for their rifles to turn them into machine guns. Because why the f**k not, right?
I'm so jealous about the first person finding this "room temperature IQ" burn ^^ Never gets old
You can't even buy a Kinder Egg but uou can buy a gun at a supermarket? F@ck right off, loser.
Well, yeah! Kinder eggs are choking hazards, they're dangerous to children!
Load More Replies...Btw, none of us have rights. Only temporary privilege's. Ask Japanese Americas form 1942 about that.
DAMM!!! Given how some people are treated in america these days, your comment hits hard
Load More Replies...Don‘t tell me some people in the US are not brainwashed to believe they are the only one who have „rights“
Don’t forget to take inspiration from others. “What better way to improve your sense of humor than by watching more comedy shows and stand-up routines,” Myke says. “Pay close attention to [the comedian’s] material. Notice the timing and delivery of the joke. When something amuses you, ask yourself why by taking a moment to analyze it”.
Who Orders Small Coffee Anyway?
The weakest minds need someone, anyone, to look down on for no reason.
It's a coping mechanism (albeit an unhelpful one) for their insecurity
Load More Replies...If you think anyone is below you, it's a sign that your thinking is upside down.
"If you're too big to do the small things, you're too small to do the big things. "
I've never heard that before - however - I really like this....
Load More Replies...Good manners are a sign of who you are - not who you think you're talking to.
Culture has a.huge impact on how politeness is socially accepted. This post reminds me of the many times teachers of English told us upi got say please and thank you always or else American and English people get offended.
On the other hand, in my country it is.considered rude if you are offered food at a person's home and you refuse.
Load More Replies...Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
And forgetting your kids birthday 3 years running? I’m adopting your son. You’re fired.
Right! how do you forget your kids birthday. My son could be living on the freaking moon and I would still bug him on his bday (luckily he is only 11 and lives with me so I just have to walk to his room lol)
Load More Replies...No, they are concerned about what other people will think about them!
Load More Replies...How dare he mocking her like that, just because she forgot his birthday 3 times in a row. This happens to everyone, I'm sure she's a great mother apart from that. /s
I "forgot" my son's birthday one year when I was sick in the hospital. I will never get over the guilt even though he said he understood because I was so sick. He means the world to me.
Load More Replies..."Mom keeps forgetting my birthday - I know, I'll just be gay to get back at her!" It would be a great idea if people had to take an IQ test before they were allowed to procreate.
"get back at me for forgetting his birthday for the past three years". Maybe forget about his preference as easily???
That is a brilliant answer. But, what an awful mom. "He's doing this whole gay thing because I forgot his birthday 3 years in a row because I'm soooo busy and now my Christian friends are gonna laugh at me." Seriously??
There was one comedian who said about marriage if someone wants to get married and eventually stop having sex with someone, that's their right.
Why Don't You Stand Up For Yourself?
My other favourite is "OOH look at ME, I'm ENGLISH, I'm gonna go eat PLAIN TOAST" in a hilariously overexaggerated British accent
Yeah, plain toast was Elwood's thing! And he's american. (please tell me you understood that reference)
Load More Replies...I'd have that lady which "American" language she speaks? Arapahoe? Nez Pierce? Algonquin?
However, if you’re around someone you want to build a lasting relationship with, be considerate and don’t say things that could ruin someone’s day. “If you want to learn how to be witty and funny, always leave people better than before you met them.”
Some Good Luck!
Covid killed my 8 month pregnant goddaughter and her unborn son. I'd say that was way worse than the flu. But I'm comforted by reminding myself that at least she didn't know about jacka$$es like you who try to diminish the loss of life. Too bad you didn't get the flu
He doesn't have a tick by his name, but that's Michael Rosen the British poet, I believe. Clever chap.
I spent two weeks feeling so sick that I was convinced it was the end for me.
they like to forget that flu can actually be fatal too. when I had flu I could barely get out of bed for the best part of a month. I kept randomly falling asleep for about the next six months. (the flu equivalent to long covid, perhaps) I was once lying in bed trying to decide whether wetting the bed or walking the less than 10ft to the toilet (next room on the landing) would give me the most discomfort. it's miserable. so saying covid is like flu really doesn't make me think it's nothing to worry about.
If you never meet anyone, then yes, you won't meet someone for whom C*vid was worse than the flu. Lots of other people have met people who've had the flu and survived, and then had C*vid and died. Me, for example.
Holdup- you’re posting from the afterlife? /jk but I’m slightly confused
Load More Replies...Spencer should read more than 4Chan articles because people are still suffering with long covid where I live, and I've never heard that from folks who've had the flu.
Thank You Andy Wang!
The lunar calendar was the norm before the Gregorian calendar, most religious festivals, including Christianity are aligned to lunar cycles, that why Easter dates change every year, although, in reality only orthodox Christians do it properly.
Easter was originally tied to Passover, which moves every year. The church decided they didn't want it tied to a Jewish holy period any more, so they came up with a new way to move it. This happened in 325, at the same time they set Christmas, 1200 years before the Gregorian calendar was declared by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582.
Load More Replies...Testing ... Wong... W.o.n.g? W**g ... W.A.N.G? Why? Is it an insult in English?
it's slang for weiner edit: but they didn't censor that one
Load More Replies...Are you asking why it’s racist. W**g is a Asian based last name (which I have) the fact that they censor that and not vagina or pussy is ahh
Load More Replies...Why? "Cultural appropriation"? To anyone that doesn't like living in whe "World melting pot": the USA is made up of hundreds of cultures. Massive diversity. You don't like that? LEAVE. no one is going to miss you.
It Was Social Distancing Haha
I thought dinosaurs were just a prank of Satan's, since the world is only 6000 years old.
Hmm, he does love his pranks doesn't he. Remember the amnesia plague?
Load More Replies...advice: better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
Sounds like the OP learned everything they know about dinosaurs and cave people, they learned from the flintstones
The dinosaurs didn't die, they just went home to their alien brethren to play video games and rat microwave pizza with pineapple.
Lastly, be patient with yourself and make an effort to get out of your comfort zone. “The more you practice, the better you’ll be at bantering with people,” Myke concludes.
Definitely Atheists That Do This
How about killing and subjugating whole continents for not being atheist?
Don't forget those Athiest churches we build all around the world. Convincing non-atheists to join us and pay tribute. Or that 'charity' we bring to people in order to trick them into joining us. Just the other day I was at my Athiest church donating my money, and the Atheist priest (who doesn't sexually assault children) asked me to donate money and do charity work for no reason at all, other than it is what is right to do.
We really should do that. Apparently there's a lot of money in it! 😁
Load More Replies...Mhm, just this weekend me and my fellow athiests were walking up to houses, knocking on the door, offering copies of The Origin Of Species and telling people they'll suffer for eternity if they don't say 'damn' and 'oh my god'
I saw a video about 15 years ago. A Kiwi was annoyed at Mormons for always knocking at his door at 8 on Saturday mornings. He gave a ten or fifteen minute rant I can't remember, although I found it very funny. Then he and a friend flew to Salt Lake City, wore black pants, white shirts, and name tags, and took The Origin of Species door to door. I was dying laughing. Some old man (my age now!) chased them down the street with a broom. Most of the people were polite, but sent them away. One young woman with four young children invited them in. I think she was so starved for adult conversation that she would have listened to anything. I'm going to have to see if I can't find the video again. And before I get any LDS hating on me, I'm also LDS (Mormon).
Load More Replies...I'm a Devout Atheist. There, I told you, so I guess you were right. Of course, if you hadn't said it, I never would've posted this...
Ha, I also describe myself as a devout atheist because the juxtaposition is hilarious to me.
Load More Replies...Ha. Well I don’t pray at the altar of Bilbo Baggins either.
Load More Replies...Have you heard the good news? There's no hell when you die and we don't wanna hang out on Sunday morning!
Atheist here: I was once washing my hands in a restroom at the public library, and the lady at the sink next to me said something about me looking like "a good Christian girl." I didn't tell her s**t. I awkwardly nodded and walked away, because I just wanted to borrow some books! Another time a guy I met once at our university hiking club later saw me on campus. He said he liked my skirt because "it's so modest" and asked if there was "anything [I wanted him] to pray about for [me]." I said "no thanks" and did not seek out future interactions with him. The Bible belt is f*****g weird. People will not just tell you about their religion; they will default to assuming you share it. It is usually not worth explaining that you don't.
Add to that taking money from all the poorest people of the world to support the atheist church.
“Just stopped by to tell you there is no word! *Hands them a blank piece of paper*
I Understand Completely
Burning people alive? Yep, that sounds exactly like organized religion to me! Leave people alone when they're not of your faith? Nope! Gotta convert them! Oh, wait, they're unwilling to be converted? Better kill them!
I'm a Quaker. One good reason why Quakers don't have missionaries or much in the way of trying to convert people is that we're too happy to see the other persons point of view. And that's why I'm a Quaker.
Load More Replies...Quite the indictment: "Here is the God the Spaniards worship [gold coins]. For these they fight and kill; for these they persecute us and that is why we have to throw them into the sea... They tell us, these tyrants, that they adore a God of peace and equality, and yet they usurp our land and make us their slaves. They speak to us of an immortal soul and of their eternal rewards and punishments, and yet they rob our belongings, seduce our women, violate our daughters. Incapable of matching us in valor, these cowards cover themselves with iron that our weapons cannot break.." As Jesus said, "You cannot serve two masters. You will love one and hate the other."
There's nothing more hypocritical, illogical, and hateful than Christian love.
All monotheistic religions seem to have only jealous gods.
Load More Replies...We all agree that Jesus has really existed and is main message was about peace and love. Imagine you can just explain to him what happened for 20 century after his death and in HIS name, that's crazy.
There is zero historical evidence that Jesus ever existed, and mounds of evidence that he did not.
Load More Replies...Name a single time in history missionaries first arrived and had it end up net positive for the native population. A single f*****g time.
There was that dude who went to India and was killed :)
Load More Replies...This is the part of Christianity I can't wrap my head around. The utter cruelty. Where is the love that Jesus preached?
I think it's because of two elements of the Christian religion: mission and montheism. If there is only one almighty god, then there can only be one truth. So all other religions or philosophies must be wrong by definition. If spreading my religion is of divine importance, I can not respect another persons point of view, because then I wouldn't respect my own religion. So the love of Jesus and spreading the religion are both concepts that can't be fully fulfilled at the same time, so a more worldly approach will be chosen: just conquer the hell out of the infidels, god will show us mercy because we converted them!
Load More Replies...It's the very first fact my high school Spanish teacher told us on our very first course in our very private catholic school. I loved him so much for that and he really made me love Spanish after 2 years with a horrible teacher !
European "Christians" interpreted the Bible to their liking. First, at the time of European contact, all but the simplest indigenous cultures in North America had developed coherent religious systems that included cosmologies—creation myths, transmitted orally from one generation to the next, which purported to explain how those societies had come into being. Second, most native peoples worshiped an all-powerful, all-knowing Creator or “Master Spirit” (a being that assumed a variety of forms and both genders). They also venerated or placated a host of lesser supernatural entities, including an evil god who dealt out disaster, suffering, and death. Third and finally, the members of most tribes believed in the immortality of the human soul and an afterlife, the main feature of which was the abundance of every good thing that made earthly life secure and pleasant. Sounds a lot more like Christianity to me!
Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It
Goodwill does this... just one more reason to not take your business there.
Have seen this argument before and still disagree. Another way to phrase it is, "Should an employee who can only do half the work expect the same pay?" Before you cancel me, yes, I know disabilities are variable. There is no one size fits all answer. But I've worked with some of these people, was a job coach for one. Some of them would absolutely not have a job if not for a lot of patience on the part oft he employer. Those are the ones who are sometimes paid less. Not the guy who has been working at my local Costco for years who has a gimpy arm but still gets his job done. Context matters.
Having worked with mentally disabled people, it isn't that simple. Our institution had a deal with a local factory, they payed 4 full jobs to our institution and we sent in between 6-10 people. Fact is, none of them was really capable of doing as much work, as a full job would have required and none of them would have been able to work under the normal working routine of a factory job. But for the first time in their lives all of them had the sense of pride of being an actual worker! The jobs at that factory were quite prestigious as my city has a century old tradition of industry reaching back to the middle ages. As a society we need to realise that not everyone can provide an equal amount of labour and if those who can't are excluded from the job market and are forced to live in poverty they will be a burden to society in some way. Even with a part time job or a job where you simply don't work much, an actual living wage is possible. We just decide it shouldn't be.
If they are paid less than average, their rent, food, utility etc should also be lower than average.
The fact that there's even an argument about this, that there are douchebags out there who think it's ok to underpay disabled people and are given a voice about it, says a lot about how s****y this society is...
I am totally fine with paying them less... as soon as landlords charge them lower rent, grocery stores charge them less for food, and utilities charge them less for electricity, water, waste disposal, etc. Until then, all you are doing is reducing their opportunity to live independent lives by forcing them into starvation wages. Heck, actual minimum wage isn't enough to live on, you want to pay LESS?
So next time, we hope you have the confidence and quick wit to deliver that perfect comeback. Stay sharp!
They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime
It could be cool if they do. Imagine hiking and then something jump from a tree branch yelling Squiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirel !!!
Please make an announcement before this happens, otherwise I will sitt my pants!
Load More Replies...It's true. I've stared at random wild animals, waiting for them yell their names and nothing. Was that actually an American goldfinch? I'll never know
There's actually a calculus manga that I read in high school. Helped me get an A lol.
Load More Replies...Is it that Pokemon yell their names, or they are named by the noise they make? Maybe Squirtle's real name is David, but since we don't speak Pokemon, we'll never know.
This happened to me once. Some waterfowl started shouting its name at me right before it flew into my head.
That snow goose was honking for you to get out of the way.
Load More Replies...Been watching planet Earth series with my kindergartner son a bunch. David Attenborough saying their names works pretty well. My son is well acquainted with the pygmy sloth, Archer fish, etc.
My daughter loved watching nature documentaries when she was little (she still does, at nearly 21). Sometimes there were some unexpected moments that needed explaining but I guess that's one way for kids to learn the facts of life! Also worth noting - the Magic Schoolbus TV series was a favourite and she still reels off facts she learned from it.
Load More Replies...How do we know they don’t? Do we just assume they all speak English and not “squirrel, bat, or pigeon”?
As of today (Google) there are currently 1164 Pokemon. So 80% of that... 931. There are estimated 8.7 million species on Earth. So let's assume 10% of those would be considered "common". So the average 8 y/o Brit can identify 870,000 species AND 931 Pokemon? I'm impressed.
Whatttt !?? No Vegan Options At KFC!???
There's three different veggie meal options on the KFC menu btw, which is a lot for a restaurant with chicken in it's name
as a carnivore I don't go to KFC (I say carnivore I'm more a natural oppotunivore)
Load More Replies...To be fair, their mashed potatoes and mac n cheese are delicious and she shouldn't need anything else from them.
As a vegan, she wouldn't (supposedly) be able to eat the cheese--dairy, animal, you know. But most veganism is just virtue signaling. If they were honest about it, they wouldn't touch anything that even tasted like meat,let alone wear or use anything that had animal products in it.
Load More Replies...Discriminated against? Vegetarianism/veganism isn't a protected class. This woman is gonna need some thicker skin.
She would need more protein in her diet for that.
Load More Replies...That’s it! I’m starting Kentucky Fried Vegans, let’s wait till they taste this!
chips (fries), lettuce, tomato, onion in a burger bun there ya go full on vegan options
not if they make the burger with milk or butter.
Load More Replies...British Museum
At least some of the non-British artefacts from British Musem were saved from destruction.
And large numbers of things like mummies were stolen and destroyed. Large numbers of them by being eaten. To be fair, more than just the Brits did that.
Load More Replies...How does that stuff *feel* British? Also Britain is not the only country to ever have taken stuff from other countries, why so much hate? (I mean, we live in the age of the internet but still)
Oh I'm British and find this very funny! Because it is very true 🤣
Load More Replies...Same thing with the Louvre. When I walked through it many years ago all I could see was different kinds of art from many other countries. I felt I was walking through rooms full of thief's piles of treasure.
It would be a huge but interesting task to try and approximate what proportion of the artefacts in the British Museum were purchased from the owners, and also if they likely saved them from destruction by preventing them being recycled into say, building materials by the locals, or being blown-up by Muslim extremists.
And this doesn't apply to any other country why? We'll give your s**t back if you give ours back.
It's a pretty safe bet that the Inca didn't loot much from the Spanish, and Nigerians didn't burn London to the ground
Load More Replies...Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile
They waited so long to digitaze his voice, that they almost lost their chanse. He had an assistent who spent ~ 18 months learning to understand his (science) speach, wich would have been lost a good a long time before his time went out. Its eirie to think about, also for all the ones who dont have his recources.
I have a mixed feeling about this man’s humor. i see a lot of his interview and i found him just mean sometimes. so, would everyone laugh at these spikes so much if he hadn’t been disabled.
He had a great sense of humour - it was magnified by his circumstances.
Load More Replies...Look Before You Leap
God gave us brains so we could use them. If He didn't want us to learn how to prevent and cure disease, how to enhance the lives of the disabled, to fix what is broken, He wouldn't have given us brains!
Why did he invent broken things in the first place? Why make people need glasses? Why invent disease in the first place, only to then give us brains to cure them? Seems an odd methodology for such a benevolent and wise creator.
Load More Replies...Didn't God send multiple plagues upon mankind but barely, if at all, ever a cure according to the bible? So yes, take the effin' vaccine!
My ex step-father, muslim living in Tunisia, always told this story : A guy is in the middle of the sea, drowning. A boat approaches him to help, the guy refuses, saying "God will help me !" A bigger boat tries to help and the guy refuses again "God will help me, I have faith !" A helicopter arrives and try to catch him, again the guy cries God will help him... and dies. He arrives in front of God and asks him "why didn't you help me ?" And God answers : "I've sent you a boat, and a bigger one, and even a helicopter ! Why didn't you take them ?"
I remember hearing a version of this story as part of a homily at mass once. I like this story
Load More Replies..."You can have all the faith you want in spirits and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don’t be an idiot. Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to put you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the road, I know you look both ways." House M.D., season 1, episode 5
It's scary that there are real people out there in the world who actually believe that malarky.
CORRECT: She being all 'lower-case' can only aspire the be "THE MOST HIGH SIMPLE".
Load More Replies...My dumb brain read vaccine as vacation and I was like what 🤡
I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before
I often wonder why there are so many anti maskers, then I remember that half the population have an IQ on or below 100
IQ isn't that accurate, as 100 is just the average level of intelligence - and that average can change over time
Load More Replies..."An estimated 245000 children in the US have lost one or both parents to Covid,..." -- The Guardian
i'd like to say animals have a auto immune system, anti-vaxxers please stop saying you are like lions-, not to mention they at least take their shots without complaint, if anything anti-vaxxers are more like a yapping hyena because of how much they complain.
Again, Top drawer response. Pity it will likely go way over the head of those it's aimed at, but it does let us more 'Subtle-Yet-Sledgehammer type of humour' loving folk have a good chuckle at the moronic brigade's expense.
Stealing The Rainbow
Suppose God is up in Heaven, trying to remember where He left the rainbow?
Kind of reminds me of the IT crowd episode where the Internet was in the box. The rainbow is kept under lock and key in the LGBTQ vault? More likely in a British museum hah.
but.. what about the 50 stars the Americans stole to put them in their flag??! Put them back in the sky immediately!
The rainbow that was supposed to be a promise form god that he wouldn't try to wipe out human kind for a second time? That rainbow?
Yep. We, the LGBTQs, thought that was a terrible use for a rainbow; that's why we stole it. (We actually prefer the word "confiscated.")
Load More Replies...I read that portion of the bible, and the word "rainbow" is not mentioned. It did say something about no more flooding to wipe out humans, so we shall see about that.
Separate Payments
What is cruel about it? That's how we learn to control our temper. It sounds like an excellent lesson he needs to learn.
Load More Replies..."Have fun spending that NOW." This is how children learn that behavior has consequences. We will then discuss alternative behaviors for when emotions become overwhelming.
I think the education and upbringing of that child must have had some serious flaws, if they can even think about doing something like that.
In the US, take it to the bank where (if you have a certain percentage of the bill) they can exchange it for another bill and send it to the feds to have them either destroy it or put it back together. We have a dog who eats money....
Give him one piece at a time whenever he asks for money. When he gets enough to make a viable note then tape it together and go get it replaced with a new note.
Big Footprints To Fill
Are we still okay with billionaires taking rickety personal subs to the Titanic??
Load More Replies...Everyone always acts like people who are in the middle class or below should help fix it and reduce their carbon footprint when usually their carbon footprint isn’t nearly as bad as rich people, which is funny because they actually have money to fix that while middle class and lower do not usually.
THIS. I think about this often. I bust my butt to only purchase recyclable materials and then to actually recycle said materials and then realize my efforts are so miniscule comparatively speaking - why bother? I do what I can do entire other countries can continue to blatantly destroy our planet.
Load More Replies...But you must be patient. I intend to wait my turn like a good little doobie.
Load More Replies...Note that BP created the whole "carbon footprint" rubbish to distract from their many serious violations of international pollution laws.
I pledge not to sell my country's waste to developing countries where, once it's shipped in open containers across the ocean, will lay mouldering and impregnable while the poorest of the poor dig through for metal scraps for pennies a day.
I pledge not to fly my Lear Jet up to Nova Scotia to see the total eclipse of the sun.
Education Is Vitally Important, After All
I have met brick walls that are more sentient than Marjorie Taylor Greene.
I'm a bit confused, don't a majority of people graduate high school at 17/18 years old?
I wonder if this person travels ? Like, did she met some other politicians abroad, could be interesting ^^
It's Marjorie Taylor Greene...she has no more business being in politics than my cockeyed mutt who likes to eat rabbit turds.
Load More Replies...Ironic, considering it seems like she could've used that public education.
Bless This Woman
I hope oneday someone will tell a customer that where I work...im not allowed to. He ask me just after Christmas last year, what did you do Christmas day, not much had a quiet day...proceeded to lecture me that I should have gone to see my parents, that's what children...im 53...should do. My answer, I'm sure they didn't mind me driving 5 hours to sit next to their graves. Hate it when anyone thinks they know everything. My dad died January 2023 and mum just before Christmas 2023 . .we didn't feel like celebrating either of those Christmas '...love people while you have them everyone, life IS shorter than we think
My daughter doesn't smile often, so when some man tells her to smile, I always tell him she doesn't have to.
Why Would They Need To Am I Rite?
I do to get groceries without a large crowd and lines.Also allergic to the sun.
It can definitely easier to do things during "off hours".
Load More Replies...People with disabilities do, however, sometimes drink pina coladas at Trader Vic's while boasting perfect hair.
as a disabled wheelchair user this is my favorite tweet of all time
Load More Replies...i miss when my local walmart was open 24 hours, but i understand why they changed it. i did enjoy going at 2am though, being basically the only customer and listening to the employees horsing around.
If some clown said that to my disabled a**e, I would instantly turn into a werewolf and bite.
People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles
So, now we are censoring even the euphemisms? M o f o is not OK? How about BS?
It's the opposite for me in France, i never met far right voters on a daily basis, never witnessed live racism but the last elections gave us 33% of far rights votes.
Same here in my little corner of BC, Canada - far-right people are rare, and while we tend to follow American politics (since most of our tv channels are American, we can’t help it) I don’t know anyone who likes Trump. It’s weird to meet them on the internet, like “wow, people like you actually exist!” 😅
Load More Replies...Ah, yes, the social media algorithms that show us only what we want to see and nothing else. This is how extremists are made.
We aren't so insecure that we need to wear hats and shirts bearing his name everywhere.
One of the advantages of not being in a cult is that you blend in really well. Sooo.....
Comeback
Don't wear clown shoes when walking over hot coals! It creates a huge carbon footprint.
I am allergic and have asthma and wear masks, especially during pollen season and in traffic. It helps a lot.
Load More Replies...Comeback
Oh god, there's so much I could do with this, but I won't, I won't, I won't.
Load More Replies...consent matters people, you get a lot out of like asking and being nice, it ain't rocket science that's rocket science
In a world where dudes are paying child support AFTER providing a DNA test proving they are not the father... Listening to scantily clad women complaining that someone noticed, and the only variable is that it wasn't the guy they wanted to notice them... Fcck Off
I... I'm sorry, but where do you live that people have a constitutional "right" to judge each other?
Load More Replies...Guys were commenting on my breasts when I was 12 and wearing a hooded fleece sweatshirt. MAYBE people should be decent human beings and keep their comments to themselves?
Load More Replies...Comeback
The hymen can tear without sexual activity. Sometimes you’re not even born with it. The hymen isn’t like one of those freshness seals
That's why horse riding was discouraged - could tear the hymen. On a side note - riding astride (including bicycles) was unacceptable because ladies could get "excited" by it...
Load More Replies...Can't have sex with a woman because she must remain chaste & virginal. Can't have sex with a man 'cause that's gay. Guess guys like him will just have to go f*ck themselves.
That is an interesting song. What did she do? I don't know, hopefully not something cataclysmic.
Load More Replies...The hymen can still be there after s*x. There is no way to check women's virginity, either.
The number of girls in my farm community that lost their hymen riding horses refutes this idiot's insinuation.
The Difference between a Lady and a Hoe, is a Lady keeps her secrets. A woman told me that.
Hey, MacRobino: According to the Bible, YHWH (“God”) created man and that He created him for His glory (Isaiah 43:7). Therefore, the ultimate purpose of man, according to the Bible, is simply to glorify God.
Simple Math To Hard
STD tests are free in first-world countries.
Load More Replies...To be honest, i had to pull out a calculator for this one!!!!!!!
I think it goes both ways. Male b**hes can f**k men for $100 a day and get $36 500 too.
Dude I have a history degree and knew that math was bad without blinking
Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?
Why don"t they go full amish and live like old pioneers, these stupid just want the modern world with our way to see the world. How crazy.
Right?! My favorite is when they go ask MAGA WHEN America was great. No matter what they say, there was always some BS going on. They don't seem to like progress, but also don't seem to recognize when they have benefitted incredibly from it.
Load More Replies...I will forever be confess as to how Americans can miss the use of the word "amendment" in their constitution!- what on earth do thy think this word means!?
The first 10 amendments were written when the signature ink was barely dry. The fact that we are NOT continuing to amend a centuries old document written only by rich white men is appalling.
I can’t stand my Senator she claim to be pro life but takes money from the NRA.
I'm so sick of these stupid, wing nut conservatives trying to change this country into something we're not because of their own regressive, personal beliefs. No Karen, the United States of America does not have to bow to your will. There's no respect for individuality anymore. Conservatives in America want you to be exactly like them, and if you're not, they feel you are wrong and you do not belong here. I'm thinking the problem is them. Not everybody else.
True Perfection Has Been Achieved
I feel like this needs that Brooklyn 99 meme where he meets Jess from New Girl. After their interaction she says, "That's on me. I set the bar too low."
I love B99. For anyone wondering, in the original scene Jess asks the B99 protagonist, Jake, to prove he's a cop by naming one law. Jake replies "Don't murder people" and Jess sighs and says "That's on me, I set the bar too low." It's a great show! Highly recommend!
Load More Replies...Comeback
I saw a photo of one of those lockdown rhymes they're teaching kindergarten kids in case of active shooter, and someone replied "Sure, we have to be prepared for any natural disaster" and the mere fact this person considers an active shooter to be an unavoidable natural disaster says a LOT about the mindset of a lot of (not all of) Americans.
As a teacher who has heard this idea more than once: NO. WE (most of us) don't want to carry guns. Can't imagine the palsied 86 year old teacher pulling out a Glock and trying to aim for the bad guy. No, no, no, no.
Can't be easy, and must actually be terrifying, living in a country where everybody needs to be armed for self-defence, because somebody might get crazy with their guns
What's really scary is that only 35% of US citizens own guns, but there are more guns than people.If one gun isn't enough to soothe your insecurities, why would 10 guns do it?
Load More Replies...Wow, there is so much stupid in everything that Rick guy said. I love how he also assumes that all teachers can even be trusted with a gun 🤦♀️
My cousin is in law enforcement. He said it once - it doesn't matter if you are trained, licensed, and registered. All I know is when I show up, I see an idiot waving a gun around and act accordingly.
At least one "good guy with a gun" successfully stopped a shooter. Then the cops showed up, saw a guy with a gun standing over a body and killed him. Because all they knew was it was an active shooter situation.
Load More Replies...I live in America, and I blame my education for not understanding this. When a kid was throwing rocks on the school playground, for some reason, the teachers never told the rest of us to pick up rocks and start throwing. Had I only known, I could have stopped these "rock-thrower" 50 years ago!
Why not give all the kids guns, too? That way, no kid would ever get shot.
The only devil's advocate defense I will give in the face of this stupid argument is that the teachers value the lives of the children more than these cowardly cops. Do the job you trained for.
They may. Hopefully they do. But then again teachers are only human, and just as vulnerable to being overworked, underpaid, angry, desperate, disrespected, burned out, etc. as everybody else. So chances are high that 1) teachers going on a shooting spree may just increase the number of amok runners and their victims, and 2) potential amok runners won't have to bring their own guns to school, they'll just have to take/find/steal/blackmail the teacher for the ones already there.
Load More Replies...Guns, Schools, Americans - You are probably the only western nation that encourages the carrying of this type of weapon as a right/expectation. It is the laws and the Ostrich head in the sand elements of the US that sees the solution of adding more weapons to the mix as a solution. God forbid that this behaviour is picked up elsewhere.
Illegal Plants
Funny thing that illegal plant was tree of knowledge. Not poisonous plant or something. Knowledge.
Which just goes to show that a bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing... to those in power.
Load More Replies...The fruit of the tree of knowledge, specifically. I wonder how it came to be thought of as an apple?
Load More Replies...Good point actually. Then why did he make it at all? Maybe it was a test?
If making a plant illegal is saying G-d was wrong, than making LGBTQ+ people illegal is also saying G-d was wrong. Can't pick and choose your logic.. it's not your nose
oh yes, if you eat a apple you go to hell, sorry christians, i'ma enjoy my apple-
If making a plant illegal is saying G-d is wrong, than making LGBTQ+ people illegal must also be saying G-d was wrong then too.... you can't pick and choose your logic.. it's not your nose
I Hate Anti-Maskers
We should be thankful. They are voluntarily wearing attire to warn us to keep distance. If government would have asked this, they would have refused.
Old But Gold
If you're used to privilege, equality feels like discrimination.
Load More Replies...she made her fortune out off stirring public outrage and funny she cant take it when it turns on her - hateful hateful woman.
I remember when she was being interviewed on TV, and she was ranting and raving about how tacky it is to name your kid after a place, like Brooklyn, London, etc. Then the interviewer pointed out that Katie Hopkins' daughter was named India, and she got all flustered saying how that didn't count because it was classic and classy!
Load More Replies...The problem I'm finding in my country (USA) is so many white conservatives make their politics their entire identity. It's exhausting, and they're always "victims" even though the vast majority of them have lived pretty good lives, and most people feel they have nothing to complain about.
The only worthwhile thing our conservative government did during its last 10 years in power was kicking her out of the country for flagrantly violating our quarantine laws and sexually harassing delivery people.
100% Even one of our most conservative journalists wanted her kicked out of our country
Load More Replies...They know they will be outnumbered by 2050, so they're deep in their campaign to make sure it doesn't happen. Part of the reason why they're all so anti-immigration.
Useless Trees
Atheists, Christians And Cats
Alas, I won't be submitting an offer. I've enjoyed a lot of your comments, but I'm allergic to cats, and know you wouldn't want to break up a set.
Load More Replies...I find this quite unfair because i hear Christians used to be quite the circus act back in the day
Both Magnus Carlsen And I Can Play Chess
I like the Kevlar vest comparison better: They don't prevent you from getting shot, but the chances to survive are higher while wearing one
For those who need 'more.' It's about the odds of making it through to the next round. [sportball]
Actually, both can catch covid just like both may not catch covid. Also, both can play tennis. The difference being, how well they play.
Cry Me A River That Flows 5 M/S²
Comeback
Well, to be fair, Walmart is always rearranging the shelves.
Supermarkets here in Australia keep doing that too! It's kind of annoying.
Load More Replies...You go to your neighbor's house, plop on their couch and declare "I live here now."
Plant a flag in the produce department, steal a turkey, then give all the customers that were shopping before you arrived disease ridden blankets
Not Mine But On Point
Also there's a huge difference between a man that I like looking at in a movie and a man that I want to build my life with.
And I still don't understand the hype about shrek. I've seen it, and it's kinda just... meh, I don't know.
Just because you’re on a diet doesn’t mean you can’t look at the menu 😜😘
Different demographics are drawn to different movies. That like saying a lot of science fiction fan contributed to star wars statistic
Load More Replies...Common Sense Is Really Rare These Days
My new partner, because that's how my last partner was killed.
Load More Replies...So you remember when you said you weren't hungry and still grabbed a handful of my fries?
Morning Coffee vs. Morning People
Can u please let ppl wake up their own way, not everyone is a morning person
24 years of marriage and my overly chatty hubby STILL risks it all by trying to talk to me first thing in the morning. He's lucky I love him.
The old saying "I drink to make you more interesting" goes for coffee, too
I only say that to people I can't stand. I don't actually drink coffee.
I have misophonia and it's at its worst first thing in the morning. If not given time to "let my ears wake up," the sensory overload sends into an almost uncontrollable rage. It's quite uncomfortable.
Caffeine is my d**g of choice. Legal, tasty, and delivered by Amazon. ☕
I kind of agree this time, coffee or not, at least saying hello is common courtesy
Bill Burr Everybody
Bill Burr pulls no punches... a true Boston boy
Load More Replies...Elite Finish
"The day I'm asked to contribute evenly I'm outta here!" (Who am I to talk though?)
Should be 50/50 in a relationship, 40/60 and one half of the ship sinks under the pressure of holding the other up
Well, that might end up in one paying 110% of their salary and one 30%....
Load More Replies...That's A Good Proof
The initial statement is an engagement booster. They KNOW it's wrong, and they know they'll get a lot of comments on it, which on some platforms will boost their account to the algorithm.
Comeback
The Christians don't like to talk about Satan too much for two reasons. 1. Satan just means adversary so not necessarily Lucifer. 2. God created Lucifer and didn't expect him to go bad... Thus proving God's is fallable and not all knowing.
Is believing that humans should have free will really "going bad"? I've read the bible from cover to cover, Lucifer seems far more invested in looking after humans than god is.
Load More Replies...See the thing is that Christians think that everyone is afraid of Satan and going to Hell... But they are the ONLY religion with those things
Philip Brought A Tank In A Knife Fight
Being female is the "default" so if something is wrong with the expression of the Y chromosome, the body defaults to making female characteristics, if I'm not mistaken
So I am just a girl, with some add-on features?? Cool! Can't wait to see the expression on my wife's face when I tell her she's been a lesbian all along..
Load More Replies...Female is not the default. Yes, i know we learned it in school. But it's much more complicated and lots of things have to be present/correct/enough to end up female, just as much as things have to be present/correct/enough to end up male. And this continues thrpighout the lifespan: a body is constantly producing signals that keep the ovaries as ovaries and the testes as testes (and in the absence of these signals things start changing, because the body is also producing the opposite signals...) Honestly, i find it kinda crazy. Two sources: https://www.nature.com/articles/518288a and https://www.degruyter.com/document/doi/10.1515/medgen-2023-2040/html?lang=en
Klinefelter's syndrome (XXY syndrome) is not intersex, and Phil should (and presumably does) know that. Neither is Turner's syndrome (XO). The most common, best-understood cause of XX intersex is environmental. Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome is often genetic, but is rare (1 in 20,000 phenotypic males); XX male syndrome is even rarer.
That's highly debated, and generally only believed by those who want to marginalize intersex even further. At the other end of the debate are those who feel that women with polycystic ovary syndrome should be included as they clearly demonstrate the traits that the exclusionists cite but are excluded primarily because that would make the intersex prevalence about 20%. It's a huge mess, in short.
Load More Replies...Ok, Philip, but the discussion is about gender dysphoria, not biological anomalies...
"Markets Unable To Adapt To New Generation Of Consumers"
My brother had dogs all his adult life and he always refused to feed any of them that rubbish marketed as "dog food". He either cooked the meat for them or fed them it raw. Miss ya bro ;(
How old is this? I'm not sure millennials are "young people" anymore
For a boomer, millennials will always be young, it depends on how old the writer is
Load More Replies...So Easy To Say
This also assumes you can live in an area fit for kids playing outside.
and if it is "fit for kids playing outside", there won't be any kids playing outside.
Load More Replies...Other People’s Kids Is A Surprisingly Great Form Of Birth Control
I'm 28 and I still feel like a child myself, me not having children is in everybody's best interest.
It was trial and error raising 4 kids at 28. Now at 30, raising 3 kids, I think I got the hang of it.
Load More Replies...My mum had 8 kids and 4 divorces by the time she was 25. She was a terrible parent and a worse wife, she was way to selfish and immature. All of her kids waited until they were in their 30s to start their own families and only 1 of us is married (she was with her partner for 18yrs before they married!) We definitely learned from her mistakes, she's now almost 60 and none of her kids have spoken to her for more than 20yrs, (she's never met any of her grandkids) and she's currently going through her 7th divorce.
My biggest regret is not having kids. I would have been a great grandpa. It's the father part I didn't think I'd be good at.
Self-awareness is a great trait that many people lack. You could still volunteer to be a surrogate grandparent - I'm sure there are organizations out there that can hook you up!
Load More Replies...When I was 12, I told my mom I didn't want kids, no regrets after 51 years of sticking to my guns.
They Must Have Had A Religious Exemption
I love.the comebacks against judgemental Christians! It's not very Christian to play God and judge others :) however, I do need to state that Adam and Eve were married, as they exchanged vows! The verses where they say things like "bone of my bone" and "flesh of my flesh" are wedding imagery! It's difficult to tell with modern translations, but people in the time of Jesus would have seen that as a marriage. Sorry for being a massive nerd lol I just love theology
Another Reason To Love The Beatles
The Beatles were once being interviewed, and the interviewer asked Ringo what Is was like being the best drummer in the world, and John said ‘Best drummer in the world?? He’s not even the best drummer in The Beatles!’ 🤣
Untrue. That was from a comedy skit on some BBC radio show. Somehow it got attributed as something John actually said.
Load More Replies...An American reporter asked George Harrison, "What works you call that hairstyle you're wearing?" George said, "Arthur"
Better Hope His House Doesn't Catch On Fire!
It's quite astonishing that the US, a developed first world country, pays for firefighting, policing, search and rescue, coastguards, etc. But not healthcare.
You completely forgot about the military, the armed forces, the army, the navy, the air force, the marines, the- etc.
Load More Replies...What the fck do you call health insurance then? People financing other people's problems.
Personally, I'd call it financing a healthier society.
Load More Replies...Damn... Guess My Opinion Is Invalid
The oppressor doesn't get to define oppression. Offence can only call the fouls if participating in the game is optional.
That’s My Gender
Well, that's a new one. How will it be represented in the LGBT+ acronym?
I identify as a British Sea Harrier naval multirole strike fighter aircraft. Am I a godless heathen?
You can be if you really want to be.
Load More Replies...The Only Reasonable Response
I've seen this one a lot, and it still makes me cackle out loud every single time. Epic comment!
I dont understand wether Brian is the homophobe or the gay in this story 😂 but straight men have been finding ways to inspect boys and mens genetalia for generations, so I guess thats Brians plan too? For stamina and lojality or smth
He'd be neither. He'd be the transgender man being forced to prove his "legitimacy" as a man because obviously that's how trust works in a life-or-death situation.
Load More Replies...That's probably a good test, too, but it's only reliable a few days a month for less than four decades. I'm post menopausal, so I would have to show my d**k for security clearance.
Load More Replies...Got Roasted By A Police Twitter
Simple, Yet Effective
Thank goodness it's 2024 and we don't still discriminate based on gender, anymore! /s
*Nervous laughter* Hahaha, yes. Just stay away from the rest of the internet okay? You may not like what you find.
Load More Replies...When You Get Shot Down By Facts
the brightness of the sun reflected off snow is the reason the first versions of sunglasses (called snow glasses) were invented by the Inuit.
Since a post a while ago I don't see minus four degrees, I see a guy on the sh*tter. :D
Dude has never been in a snowy moutain when the sun just burns you even if it's cold outside ?
I think OP didn't mean to suggest that solar panels didn't work in cold weather, but that you can't simply crank them up more when it's very cold outside. And short days and a low sun make them even harder to work. The solution is more solar panels, which is finally an economically viable solution... and indeed cheaper than carbon-based electricity.
Load More Replies...Yay! The best part of this post is that guy at Gateway Pundit just filed for bankruptcy because he's been sued into oblivion for all the lies and slander he's done like Alex Jones and Rudy. One at a time they are GOING DOWN. Go maga! You can do it! Trump is your first stop in LOSING EVERYTHING.
Fool! We could mitigate the temperature increases caused by climate change with more heat-absorbing solar panels! 😆
I Mean They've Got A Good Point
Lawrence Fox is such a twat. What on earth did Billie see in him?!!
Also he looks like a frog who got transformed into a human and hasn't gotten used to that new form yet
Load More Replies...This is what happens when you go to fee-paying schools. If Fox had gone to a state school, he'd have been taught that vaccines actually utilise your immune system.
She's Baaaad
Maybe I Am Karen?
God bless 'em (they need all the help they can get)
Load More Replies...I'd like to point out a spelling error, it's not "Europe", it's "the rest of the world"
That Makes Sense
Well maybe he jumped on the counter and it was just there? They often swallow small things when unsupervised 🤷🏼♀️
Load More Replies...The Greatest Genius Of Our Time
What a great way to get around BP's censorship!
Load More Replies...You know, for being one of the supposedly "smartest" people in the US, he is such a f*****g idiot.
This reminds me of the Kickstarter that wanted to create a reusable washable Kleenex and then people were like....so a handkerchief?....looks like theres one out now thats handkerchiefs in a box...so I can't remember if I read something that might've been a hoax it was years ago
German History Lesson
Thank you for saying that, I like all of our Wortzusammensetzungsmöglichkeiten, too! 🙂
Load More Replies...The car, the jet, the cruise missile, the basis for the entire american and soviet space programs,
I could be very wrong but weren't seat belts created by a German company?? Edit: nope, Swedish!
Yup Volvo, and they didn't patent it so that other car manufacturers would use the seat belt as well
Load More Replies...Didn't include the spelling, apparently.
Load More Replies...He's Not Wrong
Is it the same person who said that she can't stand it when men use umbrellas?
I think it is her. She's such hard work!
Load More Replies...Real men phase through doors unlike gay weaklings who actually use them /s
Or just dive through the window. (I spend a lot of money on car windows)
Load More Replies...Chivalry isn't dead, but it might as well be. (Or at least, if the internet is anything to go by)
Most Of Us Are Too
According to this picture, he may have had an umbilical hernia. Hope he got that looked at.
Careful What You Say
He Makes A Good Point
An abortion clinic is a medical facility, whereas a church is a book club . . .
It would be refreshing if one of the anti-abortion-club would say "send all the babies to me". Or at least those conceived by non-consent sex = rape. However, especially life for girls would be horrid in such a place, because what would they be taught about rape?
Thing is, all those children would just be indoctrinated into the cult . . .
Load More Replies...Abortion is healthcare? How about abstinence is better healthcare. That way you avoid having a baby and potentially getting all kinds of STD's which would then require health care.
Abortion is healthcare. There are numerous reasons someone would need an abortion. You can rattle on and on about abstinence, but that doesn't 100% prevent the need for abortions. And tell that to the women and little girls that get raped and need an abortion, or the women that have medical emergencies that need abortions. You don't like abortions and don't agree with them? THEN DON'T F*****G HAVE ONE
Load More Replies...Climate Change Is Not Real Guys!!!
Why does he wear glasses? He should walk around without seeing clearly because it's f♥♥♥ing nature!
And nobody is going to shave your godawful beard... it's nature, get over it.
A Punchline From Twitter, Does This Count As A Meme?
Why am I watching youtube on my laptop while I'm eating at the table? (also upvote for Hitchhikers Guide reference)
Because that's where youtube lives, if you watch it on a lap top.
Load More Replies...They're With Him, Alright
I suppose, what we really fear is the parts of ourselves we try to hide. In that context, it makes sense that he's scared of a little prick.
Load More Replies...Actually, there are many people who have had the vax who died from it, too.
I Should Be Allowed To Pick The Oil Company I Die And Kill For!
Wrong, my respect for the military (especially American) is in the negative numbers
We didn't go to war so we would have access to oil. It was so the oil company profits would grow and contracts could be handed out to Haliburton and friends.
Load More Replies...Depression vs. Asthma
What? Sorry I didn't hear a thing you said, I was thinking about a meme I saw on Bored Panda which reminded me of this funny skit I saw and then I-
Load More Replies...This Always Makes Me Laugh
I would enjoy this comeback more if it did not come from these horrible people...
Peta is horrible people? (Waiting for the down votes)
Load More Replies...Again? Pretty sure all of these were included the last time this list was posted.
Why do you think this site is called Bored panda. To get bored!
Load More Replies...Some are really great and it was funny even if i knew them, but yeah that was a lot of repost, most of these date from 2020 covid stuff
Nothing funny has happened since then. It is known 😆
Load More Replies...Wow Oleksandra Kyryliuk, what a treasure trove of Covid-era funny posts. So refreshing. May I suggest some Y2K humour for your next hit article?
Agreed, but not the exact same ones again, please.
Load More Replies...I'm starting to believe that all these BP 'writers' are just AI making up fake bios and scraping old post, other sites putting together stuff that kinda fits into a grouping that will certainly change its title at LEAST once - if not more as people point out the title doesn't quite fit.
So the Asian name W'a.n,g needs to be censored. Pretty sure that is racist.
Again? Pretty sure all of these were included the last time this list was posted.
Why do you think this site is called Bored panda. To get bored!
Load More Replies...Some are really great and it was funny even if i knew them, but yeah that was a lot of repost, most of these date from 2020 covid stuff
Nothing funny has happened since then. It is known 😆
Load More Replies...Wow Oleksandra Kyryliuk, what a treasure trove of Covid-era funny posts. So refreshing. May I suggest some Y2K humour for your next hit article?
Agreed, but not the exact same ones again, please.
Load More Replies...I'm starting to believe that all these BP 'writers' are just AI making up fake bios and scraping old post, other sites putting together stuff that kinda fits into a grouping that will certainly change its title at LEAST once - if not more as people point out the title doesn't quite fit.
So the Asian name W'a.n,g needs to be censored. Pretty sure that is racist.
