Ever had a heated online argument with a stranger, only to think of the perfect comeback three days later? Well, on the internet clock, a few days might as well be an eternity, and everyone’s already moved on.
But over on r/clevercomebacks, wasting time is unheard of. With over 2 million members, this subreddit is full of sharp retorts for any situation. At Bored Panda, we’re big fans. So we’ve rounded up the best comebacks they have to offer. Keep reading, you might just find the right response to silence that next awkward comment.
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Yep May Be It Is True
The feeling of disappointment when you don’t have a clever reply on the spot actually has a name—it’s called ‘l’esprit de l’escalier’, or ‘staircase wit’. This term was coined by the 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot in his dramatic essay, Paradox of the Actor.
The phrase comes from an incident Diderot had over dinner. “A sensitive man, such as myself, overwhelmed by the argument leveled against him, becomes confused and doesn’t collect his thoughts until he’s at the bottom of the stairs,” the philosopher wrote.
Do You Have One?
There’s a reason why we sometimes freeze and struggle to respond when someone says something upsetting. Our body sees it as a social danger and goes into defense mode.
“When someone says something offensive or harmful that hurts us or hurts a member of a community that’s really important to us, our nervous system can get activated,” said psychologist Kerry McBroome for Time Magazine. “The parts of the brain that are responsible for coming up with clever or witty things to say are just not online—they’re nervous and sensing a threat.”
Never Underestimate A Woman
Men, you can’t have babies. Sit down when *women’s* reproductive rights are discussed
Found It On Twitter. Hope I Am Not Too Late
Of course, some folks are naturally good at throwing verbal punches and do so whenever they can. But if you need some pointers in that area, blogger and podcaster Myke Macapinlac has tips on how to be more quick-witted and funny.
According to him, one of the first things you should learn is how to stay present in the moment. “Catch yourself when you’re ruminating and remind yourself to slow down your breathing. By doing so, you’ll be able to relax your body and bring yourself back to your current situation,” he advises.
Kid Has A Bright And Shocking Future In Front Of Him
Just Another Reason To Keep My Purple Hair
If you’re having a conversation, Myke suggests really focusing on what the other person is saying. “It’s much easier to come up with the right things to say when you’re actually listening,” he notes.
“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”
They Don't Give A Damn
I genuinely admire anyone that chooses to join the military to protect their country, however the idolising of Veterans in America never sits well with me. When you stir up patriotism, and putting civil servants on pedestals and paying such a low minimum wage that joining the armed forces is the only way out, yet shoe no care for returning and ex serviceman, except for give them 10% discounts everywhere and a “thank you for your service”, well, it seems to be like big business and corporations are involved somewhere,
Well Then Rip
Another key tip is to stop caring so much. Macapinlac points out, “Most individuals who struggle socially think that all eyes are on them. They’re so afraid of being judged by others that’s why they stifle their personality. To avoid embarrassing themselves, they just remain quiet.”
“Even if you say something silly, I can assure you that people would’ve forgotten about you by the time they get home”. By letting go of this fear, you’ll be more relaxed, which will help you make clever remarks faster.
What A Good Reply
Keep Your Stick On The Ice
Reminds me of that old joke: "We asked people how they view lesbian relationships. The question had to be rephrased after majority of responders answered 'in high definition'."
Love This Guy
Sometimes it’s good to prepare in advance. “Get a piece of paper and take the time to reflect. Think of previous situations where you wanted to say something clever but you weren’t able to. And then, brainstorm some good comebacks that you could’ve said,” the blogger recommends.
I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh
What do people like the man on the right hope to accomplish? Does he think that sign is going to miraculously "cure" the gay folks? I believe people like that are just happy to spread hate and judgment, and that it makes him feel morally superior. What a sad, small life.
Yeah, I looked it up and that guy has completely misquoted the bible passage.
Meh, I can see how they'd quote it that way because at first glance it seems so since it does explicitly discuss same-sex sex. But you'd have to go into the history and context to really understand it's referring to r@pe. Like turning the other cheek doesn't just mean forgoing retaliation. But the kinds of people misunderstanding/misquoting also aren't the kinds of people to actually try to understand things.
Load More Replies...Anyone who needs a book to tell them right from wrong is either a fool or a coward. Anyone who listens to a person proclaiming to know truth based on that book is both.
I wonder why so many "Christians" think they speak for God. (That Bible quote has been misinterpreted from the original Hebrew)
I'm so sick of this stuff. Just live and let live. If you don't agree with someone's lifestyle, or whatever the case may be, just agree to disagree, be respectful. All this hate sickens me.
So you're saying God makes mistakes? Or are you one of those who think it's a choice?
Cutting the hair and/or beard is also an abomination to the Lord, depending on which verse you read. And why is he dressed as a harem woman? Jesus didn't wear pants, did he?
Give the guy a break. Religion was invented to control the lessor educated, and it's working for the Christians in USA and the Muslims in The Middle East.
Matthew 7:1-5: Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Certain "Christians" don't read the Wor so much as twist it to their standards.
bro, it's a miss-transaltion of sexual assault, get over it stop using the poor bastard who miss-spelled a Hebrew script, I think they learnt by now how much they screwd up-
You deserve do die burn in hell, reincarnate, die immediately and do it again
Load More Replies...Not Be A Baby Machine
Oof. That Burn Needs Some Love
It’s also important to manage your emotions. When you’re calm and collected, you come across as more confident. Macapinlac encourages trying out meditation and journaling to be more mindful.
“[This] will allow you to control the way you think. You’ll be able to identify and reframe your limiting beliefs. This will help you become less reactive, especially during stressful moments”.
Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe
That's pretty much the best explanation of why we wore face masks I've ever seen.
You're The Problem
Room Temperature IQ
Don’t forget to take inspiration from others. “What better way to improve your sense of humor than by watching more comedy shows and stand-up routines,” Myke says. “Pay close attention to [the comedian’s] material. Notice the timing and delivery of the joke. When something amuses you, ask yourself why by taking a moment to analyze it”.
Who Orders Small Coffee Anyway?
The weakest minds need someone, anyone, to look down on for no reason.
Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
And forgetting your kids birthday 3 years running? I’m adopting your son. You’re fired.
Why Don't You Stand Up For Yourself?
However, if you’re around someone you want to build a lasting relationship with, be considerate and don’t say things that could ruin someone’s day. “If you want to learn how to be witty and funny, always leave people better than before you met them.”
Some Good Luck!
Thank You Andy Wang!
It Was Social Distancing Haha
I thought dinosaurs were just a prank of Satan's, since the world is only 6000 years old.
Lastly, be patient with yourself and make an effort to get out of your comfort zone. “The more you practice, the better you’ll be at bantering with people,” Myke concludes.
Definitely Atheists That Do This
How about killing and subjugating whole continents for not being atheist?
I Understand Completely
Burning people alive? Yep, that sounds exactly like organized religion to me! Leave people alone when they're not of your faith? Nope! Gotta convert them! Oh, wait, they're unwilling to be converted? Better kill them!
Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It
Goodwill does this... just one more reason to not take your business there.
So next time, we hope you have the confidence and quick wit to deliver that perfect comeback. Stay sharp!
They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime
It could be cool if they do. Imagine hiking and then something jump from a tree branch yelling Squiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirel !!!
Whatttt !?? No Vegan Options At KFC!???
British Museum
Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile
Look Before You Leap
God gave us brains so we could use them. If He didn't want us to learn how to prevent and cure disease, how to enhance the lives of the disabled, to fix what is broken, He wouldn't have given us brains!
I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before
Stealing The Rainbow
Separate Payments
Big Footprints To Fill
Education Is Vitally Important, After All
I have met brick walls that are more sentient than Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Bless This Woman
Why Would They Need To Am I Rite?
I do to get groceries without a large crowd and lines.Also allergic to the sun.
People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles
Comeback
Don't wear clown shoes when walking over hot coals! It creates a huge carbon footprint.
Comeback
Comeback
The hymen can tear without sexual activity. Sometimes you’re not even born with it. The hymen isn’t like one of those freshness seals
Simple Math To Hard
Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?
Why don"t they go full amish and live like old pioneers, these stupid just want the modern world with our way to see the world. How crazy.
True Perfection Has Been Achieved
Comeback
I saw a photo of one of those lockdown rhymes they're teaching kindergarten kids in case of active shooter, and someone replied "Sure, we have to be prepared for any natural disaster" and the mere fact this person considers an active shooter to be an unavoidable natural disaster says a LOT about the mindset of a lot of (not all of) Americans.
Illegal Plants
I Hate Anti-Maskers
Old But Gold
Useless Trees
Atheists, Christians And Cats
Both Magnus Carlsen And I Can Play Chess
Cry Me A River That Flows 5 M/S²
Comeback
Well, to be fair, Walmart is always rearranging the shelves.
Not Mine But On Point
Common Sense Is Really Rare These Days
Morning Coffee vs. Morning People
Bill Burr Everybody
Elite Finish
"The day I'm asked to contribute evenly I'm outta here!" (Who am I to talk though?)
That's A Good Proof
Comeback
Philip Brought A Tank In A Knife Fight
Being female is the "default" so if something is wrong with the expression of the Y chromosome, the body defaults to making female characteristics, if I'm not mistaken
"Markets Unable To Adapt To New Generation Of Consumers"
My brother had dogs all his adult life and he always refused to feed any of them that rubbish marketed as "dog food". He either cooked the meat for them or fed them it raw. Miss ya bro ;(
So Easy To Say
This also assumes you can live in an area fit for kids playing outside.
Other People’s Kids Is A Surprisingly Great Form Of Birth Control
I'm 28 and I still feel like a child myself, me not having children is in everybody's best interest.
They Must Have Had A Religious Exemption
Another Reason To Love The Beatles
Better Hope His House Doesn't Catch On Fire!
Damn... Guess My Opinion Is Invalid
The oppressor doesn't get to define oppression. Offence can only call the fouls if participating in the game is optional.
That’s My Gender
Well, that's a new one. How will it be represented in the LGBT+ acronym?
The Only Reasonable Response
Got Roasted By A Police Twitter
Simple, Yet Effective
When You Get Shot Down By Facts
the brightness of the sun reflected off snow is the reason the first versions of sunglasses (called snow glasses) were invented by the Inuit.
I Mean They've Got A Good Point
Lawrence Fox is such a twat. What on earth did Billie see in him?!!
She's Baaaad
Maybe I Am Karen?
That Makes Sense
The Greatest Genius Of Our Time
German History Lesson
He's Not Wrong
Is it the same person who said that she can't stand it when men use umbrellas?
Most Of Us Are Too
According to this picture, he may have had an umbilical hernia. Hope he got that looked at.
Careful What You Say
He Makes A Good Point
An abortion clinic is a medical facility, whereas a church is a book club . . .
Climate Change Is Not Real Guys!!!
A Punchline From Twitter, Does This Count As A Meme?
Why am I watching youtube on my laptop while I'm eating at the table? (also upvote for Hitchhikers Guide reference)
They're With Him, Alright
I Should Be Allowed To Pick The Oil Company I Die And Kill For!
Depression vs. Asthma
This Always Makes Me Laugh
I would enjoy this comeback more if it did not come from these horrible people...
Again? Pretty sure all of these were included the last time this list was posted.
Why do you think this site is called Bored panda. To get bored!
Load More Replies...Some are really great and it was funny even if i knew them, but yeah that was a lot of repost, most of these date from 2020 covid stuff
Nothing funny has happened since then. It is known 😆
Load More Replies...Wow Oleksandra Kyryliuk, what a treasure trove of Covid-era funny posts. So refreshing. May I suggest some Y2K humour for your next hit article?
Agreed, but not the exact same ones again, please.
Load More Replies...I'm starting to believe that all these BP 'writers' are just AI making up fake bios and scraping old post, other sites putting together stuff that kinda fits into a grouping that will certainly change its title at LEAST once - if not more as people point out the title doesn't quite fit.
So the Asian name W'a.n,g needs to be censored. Pretty sure that is racist.
Again? Pretty sure all of these were included the last time this list was posted.
Why do you think this site is called Bored panda. To get bored!
Load More Replies...Some are really great and it was funny even if i knew them, but yeah that was a lot of repost, most of these date from 2020 covid stuff
Nothing funny has happened since then. It is known 😆
Load More Replies...Wow Oleksandra Kyryliuk, what a treasure trove of Covid-era funny posts. So refreshing. May I suggest some Y2K humour for your next hit article?
Agreed, but not the exact same ones again, please.
Load More Replies...I'm starting to believe that all these BP 'writers' are just AI making up fake bios and scraping old post, other sites putting together stuff that kinda fits into a grouping that will certainly change its title at LEAST once - if not more as people point out the title doesn't quite fit.
So the Asian name W'a.n,g needs to be censored. Pretty sure that is racist.
