Ever had a heated online argument with a stranger, only to think of the perfect comeback three days later? Well, on the internet clock, a few days might as well be an eternity, and everyone’s already moved on.
But over on r/clevercomebacks, wasting time is unheard of. With over 2 million members, this subreddit is full of sharp retorts for any situation. At Bored Panda, we’re big fans. So we’ve rounded up the best comebacks they have to offer. Keep reading, you might just find the right response to silence that next awkward comment.
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Yep May Be It Is True
The feeling of disappointment when you don’t have a clever reply on the spot actually has a name—it’s called ‘l’esprit de l’escalier’, or ‘staircase wit’. This term was coined by the 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot in his dramatic essay, Paradox of the Actor.
The phrase comes from an incident Diderot had over dinner. “A sensitive man, such as myself, overwhelmed by the argument leveled against him, becomes confused and doesn’t collect his thoughts until he’s at the bottom of the stairs,” the philosopher wrote.
Do You Have One?
There’s a reason why we sometimes freeze and struggle to respond when someone says something upsetting. Our body sees it as a social danger and goes into defense mode.
“When someone says something offensive or harmful that hurts us or hurts a member of a community that’s really important to us, our nervous system can get activated,” said psychologist Kerry McBroome for Time Magazine. “The parts of the brain that are responsible for coming up with clever or witty things to say are just not online—they’re nervous and sensing a threat.”
Never Underestimate A Woman
Men, you can’t have babies. Sit down when *women’s* reproductive rights are discussed
Found It On Twitter. Hope I Am Not Too Late
Of course, some folks are naturally good at throwing verbal punches and do so whenever they can. But if you need some pointers in that area, blogger and podcaster Myke Macapinlac has tips on how to be more quick-witted and funny.
According to him, one of the first things you should learn is how to stay present in the moment. “Catch yourself when you’re ruminating and remind yourself to slow down your breathing. By doing so, you’ll be able to relax your body and bring yourself back to your current situation,” he advises.
Kid Has A Bright And Shocking Future In Front Of Him
Just Another Reason To Keep My Purple Hair
If you’re having a conversation, Myke suggests really focusing on what the other person is saying. “It’s much easier to come up with the right things to say when you’re actually listening,” he notes.
“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”
They Don't Give A Damn
I genuinely admire anyone that chooses to join the military to protect their country, however the idolising of Veterans in America never sits well with me. When you stir up patriotism, and putting civil servants on pedestals and paying such a low minimum wage that joining the armed forces is the only way out, yet shoe no care for returning and ex serviceman, except for give them 10% discounts everywhere and a “thank you for your service”, well, it seems to be like big business and corporations are involved somewhere,
When I mention I was in the Air Force, conservatives always make a show of thanking me for my service, often interrupting and talking over me to do so. When I mention my time in the military helped inform my political views of social liberalism and democratic socialism, they scream at me that I'm anti-American and a traitor. The supposed honoring of veterans isn't about the veterans, it's about the show and puffing themselves up.
Load More Replies...Honouring "their service and sacrifices" sounds like pure s**t if the government doesn't give them proper medical and mental care and just lets people with PTSD deal with it alone. Words and medals don't pay the rent, you know. I guess it must be extremely difficult for some of them to return to "normal" life, especially when their government couldn't care less for them once the return to civilian life. I read somewhere lots of homeless people in the USA are veterans who couldn't adjust or were too mentally ill to lead a "normal" life.
And with the people who went to Vietnam it was the worst, I think! They were dispised, weren‘t they?
Load More Replies...A whole month? As a non-american (there are only two types of people) I feel like america gives their military a bit (way) too much hype/praise.
isnt that American though? pride month, black history month, womens history month
Load More Replies...MAGA$$holes go all out on their being so proud for supporting the military because tRump made so much about "those liberal activists are against out nation and military troops" yet tRump got 5 deferrments from the military himself, those awful bonespurs kept him safe at home.
I think, DC Draino, you should take into consideration how Trump had 4-years to do something to improve the lives of veterans, yet many remain jobless, homeless, and in mental despair. Oh, and don't forget how your orange master called soldiers, who'd given their lives to defend this country, losers and suckers. This from a man who was so cowardly that he dodged the draft. I'd suggest thinking before speaking, but it's obvious I'd be asking far too much of you.
The lying orange felon hates Veterans, because we did what he didn't/doesn't have the courage to do, defend democracy.
And how many stories about National Military Appreciation Month did you see in the media?
As a Veteran... Please show me where you came up with this nonsense. Move over "Mothers Day"
Veterans get November. May is active duty and families month. And no the MAGATS don't gaf about Veterans. I am a Vet and was homeless for 5 years while I fought the VA which is very hard when you don't have an address.
https://www.militaryfood.org/military-holidays-and-observances there is one seriously for June 6th in pride month, dead a$$
Whenever someone on social media talks about legislation to help the homeless, a BUNCH of people suddenly care about homeless vets ... until it's no longer an issue. Why don't we help our homeless vets? We do. Or at least we try. We have dozens of programs already in place. Sometimes help doesn't reach the people who need it, for all kinds of reasons, but it's not like we're doing nothing.
Oh man, it is so pleasing to read these. Alas, the dumb f*****s will ignore everything.
Go help one of the homeless veterans all over the US, instead of bleating about stuff you don't know anything about.
BTC is such an idiot. If he cared as much in May then he does in June he could actually have something to say.
Well Then Rip
Another key tip is to stop caring so much. Macapinlac points out, “Most individuals who struggle socially think that all eyes are on them. They’re so afraid of being judged by others that’s why they stifle their personality. To avoid embarrassing themselves, they just remain quiet.”
“Even if you say something silly, I can assure you that people would’ve forgotten about you by the time they get home”. By letting go of this fear, you’ll be more relaxed, which will help you make clever remarks faster.
What A Good Reply
Keep Your Stick On The Ice
Reminds me of that old joke: "We asked people how they view lesbian relationships. The question had to be rephrased after majority of responders answered 'in high definition'."
Love This Guy
Sometimes it’s good to prepare in advance. “Get a piece of paper and take the time to reflect. Think of previous situations where you wanted to say something clever but you weren’t able to. And then, brainstorm some good comebacks that you could’ve said,” the blogger recommends.
I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh
Not Be A Baby Machine
Oof. That Burn Needs Some Love
It’s also important to manage your emotions. When you’re calm and collected, you come across as more confident. Macapinlac encourages trying out meditation and journaling to be more mindful.
“[This] will allow you to control the way you think. You’ll be able to identify and reframe your limiting beliefs. This will help you become less reactive, especially during stressful moments”.
Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe
That's pretty much the best explanation of why we wore face masks I've ever seen.
You're The Problem
Room Temperature IQ
Don’t forget to take inspiration from others. “What better way to improve your sense of humor than by watching more comedy shows and stand-up routines,” Myke says. “Pay close attention to [the comedian’s] material. Notice the timing and delivery of the joke. When something amuses you, ask yourself why by taking a moment to analyze it”.
Who Orders Small Coffee Anyway?
The weakest minds need someone, anyone, to look down on for no reason.
Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
And forgetting your kids birthday 3 years running? I’m adopting your son. You’re fired.
Why Don't You Stand Up For Yourself?
However, if you’re around someone you want to build a lasting relationship with, be considerate and don’t say things that could ruin someone’s day. “If you want to learn how to be witty and funny, always leave people better than before you met them.”
Some Good Luck!
Thank You Andy Wang!
It Was Social Distancing Haha
I thought dinosaurs were just a prank of Satan's, since the world is only 6000 years old.
Lastly, be patient with yourself and make an effort to get out of your comfort zone. “The more you practice, the better you’ll be at bantering with people,” Myke concludes.
Definitely Atheists That Do This
How about killing and subjugating whole continents for not being atheist?
I Understand Completely
Burning people alive? Yep, that sounds exactly like organized religion to me! Leave people alone when they're not of your faith? Nope! Gotta convert them! Oh, wait, they're unwilling to be converted? Better kill them!
Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It
Goodwill does this... just one more reason to not take your business there.
So next time, we hope you have the confidence and quick wit to deliver that perfect comeback. Stay sharp!
They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime
It could be cool if they do. Imagine hiking and then something jump from a tree branch yelling Squiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirel !!!
Whatttt !?? No Vegan Options At KFC!???
British Museum
Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile
Look Before You Leap
God gave us brains so we could use them. If He didn't want us to learn how to prevent and cure disease, how to enhance the lives of the disabled, to fix what is broken, He wouldn't have given us brains!
I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before
Stealing The Rainbow
Separate Payments
Big Footprints To Fill
Education Is Vitally Important, After All
I have met brick walls that are more sentient than Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Bless This Woman
Why Would They Need To Am I Rite?
I do to get groceries without a large crowd and lines.Also allergic to the sun.
People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles
Comeback
Don't wear clown shoes when walking over hot coals! It creates a huge carbon footprint.
Comeback
Comeback
The hymen can tear without sexual activity. Sometimes you’re not even born with it. The hymen isn’t like one of those freshness seals
Simple Math To Hard
Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?
Why don"t they go full amish and live like old pioneers, these stupid just want the modern world with our way to see the world. How crazy.
True Perfection Has Been Achieved
Comeback
I saw a photo of one of those lockdown rhymes they're teaching kindergarten kids in case of active shooter, and someone replied "Sure, we have to be prepared for any natural disaster" and the mere fact this person considers an active shooter to be an unavoidable natural disaster says a LOT about the mindset of a lot of (not all of) Americans.
Illegal Plants
I Hate Anti-Maskers
Old But Gold
Useless Trees
Atheists, Christians And Cats
Both Magnus Carlsen And I Can Play Chess
Cry Me A River That Flows 5 M/S²
Comeback
Well, to be fair, Walmart is always rearranging the shelves.
Not Mine But On Point
Common Sense Is Really Rare These Days
Morning Coffee vs. Morning People
Bill Burr Everybody
Elite Finish
"The day I'm asked to contribute evenly I'm outta here!" (Who am I to talk though?)
That's A Good Proof
Comeback
Philip Brought A Tank In A Knife Fight
Being female is the "default" so if something is wrong with the expression of the Y chromosome, the body defaults to making female characteristics, if I'm not mistaken
"Markets Unable To Adapt To New Generation Of Consumers"
My brother had dogs all his adult life and he always refused to feed any of them that rubbish marketed as "dog food". He either cooked the meat for them or fed them it raw. Miss ya bro ;(
So Easy To Say
This also assumes you can live in an area fit for kids playing outside.
Other People’s Kids Is A Surprisingly Great Form Of Birth Control
I'm 28 and I still feel like a child myself, me not having children is in everybody's best interest.
They Must Have Had A Religious Exemption
Another Reason To Love The Beatles
Better Hope His House Doesn't Catch On Fire!
Damn... Guess My Opinion Is Invalid
The oppressor doesn't get to define oppression. Offence can only call the fouls if participating in the game is optional.
That’s My Gender
Well, that's a new one. How will it be represented in the LGBT+ acronym?
The Only Reasonable Response
Got Roasted By A Police Twitter
Simple, Yet Effective
When You Get Shot Down By Facts
the brightness of the sun reflected off snow is the reason the first versions of sunglasses (called snow glasses) were invented by the Inuit.
I Mean They've Got A Good Point
Lawrence Fox is such a twat. What on earth did Billie see in him?!!
She's Baaaad
Maybe I Am Karen?
That Makes Sense
The Greatest Genius Of Our Time
German History Lesson
He's Not Wrong
Is it the same person who said that she can't stand it when men use umbrellas?
Most Of Us Are Too
According to this picture, he may have had an umbilical hernia. Hope he got that looked at.
Careful What You Say
He Makes A Good Point
An abortion clinic is a medical facility, whereas a church is a book club . . .
Climate Change Is Not Real Guys!!!
A Punchline From Twitter, Does This Count As A Meme?
Why am I watching youtube on my laptop while I'm eating at the table? (also upvote for Hitchhikers Guide reference)
They're With Him, Alright
I Should Be Allowed To Pick The Oil Company I Die And Kill For!
Depression vs. Asthma
This Always Makes Me Laugh
I would enjoy this comeback more if it did not come from these horrible people...
Again? Pretty sure all of these were included the last time this list was posted.
Why do you think this site is called Bored panda. To get bored!
Load More Replies...Some are really great and it was funny even if i knew them, but yeah that was a lot of repost, most of these date from 2020 covid stuff
Nothing funny has happened since then. It is known 😆
Load More Replies...Wow Oleksandra Kyryliuk, what a treasure trove of Covid-era funny posts. So refreshing. May I suggest some Y2K humour for your next hit article?
Agreed, but not the exact same ones again, please.
Load More Replies...I'm starting to believe that all these BP 'writers' are just AI making up fake bios and scraping old post, other sites putting together stuff that kinda fits into a grouping that will certainly change its title at LEAST once - if not more as people point out the title doesn't quite fit.
So the Asian name W'a.n,g needs to be censored. Pretty sure that is racist.
Again? Pretty sure all of these were included the last time this list was posted.
Why do you think this site is called Bored panda. To get bored!
Load More Replies...Some are really great and it was funny even if i knew them, but yeah that was a lot of repost, most of these date from 2020 covid stuff
Nothing funny has happened since then. It is known 😆
Load More Replies...Wow Oleksandra Kyryliuk, what a treasure trove of Covid-era funny posts. So refreshing. May I suggest some Y2K humour for your next hit article?
Agreed, but not the exact same ones again, please.
Load More Replies...I'm starting to believe that all these BP 'writers' are just AI making up fake bios and scraping old post, other sites putting together stuff that kinda fits into a grouping that will certainly change its title at LEAST once - if not more as people point out the title doesn't quite fit.
So the Asian name W'a.n,g needs to be censored. Pretty sure that is racist.
