30 Dates That Didn’t Go Well At All, As Shared In This Twitter Thread

In theory, dating is so simple. Find someone you like, let them know, see if they feel the same way, and if they do, you two can be together. If they don’t, well, onto the next. But especially at this day in age, where people seem to get pickier and pickier, and online dating allows us to see infinite options of people, dating has become an extremely complex dance.

Back “in the day”, it was also usually assumed that everyone wanted the same thing. Most people wanted to be married and have a family, so it was implied that dating was heading in that direction. I’m not saying the old heteronormative dating standards were a good thing, and it’s definitely not true that everyone wants to have a family. But today, because there is a much wider range of what is acceptable for daters to be looking for (from open relationships, to never wanting to get married, to having casual flings, etc.), it can be more confusing than ever trying to navigate the dating pool.

We reached out to Andie to hear what inspired him to start this conversation, and he told us the bike date was actually eight years ago. "I had posted it on my Facebook at the time and it came up as one of those 'on this day' things a few days ago," he told us. "I'd forgotten all about it and it made me laugh, so I posted it on Twitter. I didn't expect it to be so widely responded to. I guess it resonated with people."

We also asked Andie if he thinks it's more common to have bad dates than good ones. "I wouldn't say I've had as many bad dates as dates that didn't work out, but reading back some people's responses made me laugh (well, the humorous ones that is). I'm no expert on dating, but I think a bad date comes about when two people's traits or behaviors are polar opposite. I'm sure if you throw alcohol into the mix it then that exasperates it."

Andie reassured us that there is a happy ending to his story though. "A few weeks after this happened, I met a wonderful guy who was living in Canada," he told us. "We dated long distance for about two years, and then he moved to London and we now live here happily ever after." (He did add that his bike did not have such a happy ending though, as it was stolen a few weeks ago!)

Prior to the 20th century, dating mostly involved gentleman callers and “courtship”. Essentially, relationships were formed on the foundation of being a good societal match, rather than really falling in love. But by the 1920’s, young daters began to have many more choices. As Jodi O’Brien notes in her book Encyclopedia of Gender and Society, Volume I, “Different institutions were becoming more prominent in the lives of young men and women, such as school, college, and workplaces, which exposed them to a large pool of potential dating partners. As a result, the purpose of dating was primarily to have fun, not to find a marriage partner.” But just because they had more options does not mean that they were dating in the way millennials and Gen Zers do today. “Couples would form after several dates if they were interested in having more exclusive relationships,” Jodi writes. While that can happen today, it's also common for daters to see each other for months or even years before becoming exclusive, as they may not be in any hurry to settle down.

We also reached out to Rachel New, a dating and relationship coach, to hear from an expert why dating can be such a challenge for some of us. "Some people think of dating as a fun, light-hearted adventure, others as an ordeal – it depends a lot on how you see yourself, your history of family and romantic relationships, how resilient you are, and what your purpose in dating is," Rachel says. "If you prepare yourself for dating by working on yourself first, then it can be a much more positive experience. Dating can be hard when you’ve had negative experiences that haven’t been processed properly, because you may blame yourself rather than saying, 'We weren’t compatible'."

"Two people can experience the same date differently," Rachel explained. "One may be able to laugh about it and move on quickly when a date didn’t lead to another date, and another person may be very disappointed, feel hopeless, blame themselves or want to give up."

"Dating can also be hard when you haven’t thought through what you’re looking for, so you are just dating anybody without any sense of purpose or knowing what you want the outcome to be," Rachel told Bored Panda. "This can cause us to date more people that aren’t right for us, or to go on several dates with someone when we should have decided they weren’t right after the first date."

"Dating can be hard when we haven’t learnt how to tolerate a low level of discomfort that we get from a date with someone that turns out not to be right for you. We can get overwhelmed by feelings and thoughts afterwards, when others may just laugh and brush off the experience."

We also asked Rachel if she thinks bad dates are more common than good ones. "About one in ten first dates leads to a second date," she said. "But that doesn’t mean the other nine have to be bad. I work with people to help them learn to spot warning signs earlier and filter out some of those by asking more intentional questions while messaging, having a video-date first or a chat on the phone. And even if you discover on the date that you’re not compatible, you can still have fun and enjoy getting to know a new person and finding out about their world."

As far as her suggestions for those of us who are really struggling with dating, Rachel gave some great tips. First, she recommends keeping the first date short. "An hour for a coffee or an early evening drink is enough. Then you will have invested less and feel less disappointed if it doesn’t work out. Ideally have a video-date first. A terrible video-date can be ended more quickly!"

"Work out what you want from the date: are you looking for a long-term relationship, some short-term light-hearted dating, just a one-off evening out, a hook-up or something else. Decide what you want from the date and what constitutes success or satisfaction in advance."

"Don’t just date anyone: work out what you want from your date. If your date was terrible because the other person was a bad listener, next time find out beforehand if they have that skill, by having a video-date first or a chat on the phone."

Lastly, when a date hasn't gone well, Rachel says to, "Think or talk through with someone exactly what was terrible about the date. Was it how you felt, how they treated you, the lack of connection or something else? Occasionally there may be good reason to feel angry or hurt – for example, if you experienced prejudice or insensitivity."

"But otherwise you may need to work out why this affected you so much. Do you need to get validation from yourself rather than your date? If they had poor manners or a lack of empathy, can you imagine someone else being less affected by these experiences and if so why? Do you need to have more social connection and emotional support from others so you are more resilient to dating? It’s important to prepare for dating by building up resources and support so you are not relying on your dates for your emotional needs."

If you're interested in getting even more tips and expertise from Rachel, be sure to check out her website right here.