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The world would be one hell of a boring place without the endless amount of awkward conversations people endure on a daily basis. When you’re in the middle of it, it’s very little fun indeed. We get it. Blushing, sweating and wanting to disappear are some of the very well known adverse effects that come with it. But that’s the price to pay for one heck of a story you gotta tell months and even years later. So in perspective, it’s relatively cheap, right?
So today, we are going on a cringeworthy trip into hilariously painful and embarrassingly awkward exchanges between individuals that have been shared by people online. Scroll down through the collection of priceless convos below, upvote your favorite ones and be sure to share your own awkward convo experiences. And if it feels like you’ve heard similarly cringey dialogues in the first seasons of The Office, it’s likely because only reality can be stranger than fiction.
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#2
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Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Thanks I needed to know someone else really doesn't listen at times!
No one is immune to awkward conversations. I mean, we are all social animals living among fellow human beings, and just as it’s sometimes fun and wonderful to be among them, it's also pretty awkward too. We gotta pay the price for all the fun, right?
So even if we agree that the awkward exchanges you wish would disappear are part of human communication and occasionally we’re gonna get that blushing convo thrown into our daily errands, sometimes the exchanges are so much more complex than that. Especially if you’re dealing with someone who really annoys you. Yep, your colleague, tutor, a friend of friend, you know it.
#5
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
Haha, oops. Yesterday morning my daughter and I were having a chat. She stopped for a minute and started talking into her phone to send a voice message to her bf. I thought she was done and let out a fart. I realised she hadn't finished when she started laughing. She played it back, and yep, you could hear the fart. We said if her bf hears it we will blame the dog.
#6
Samantha Lomb 3 years ago
I hate those things. It really does seem like they are talking to you and then they always have the nerve to get pissy when you respond as if you routinely look at people's ears before talking
In order to find out exactly how to remain calm when dealing with people who irritate you, because as you know very well, it’s unavoidable, we spoke with Susan Petang, a certified stress management coach specializing in painful life changes. “For people who are irritating and annoying, ask yourself, 'Why could they be doing that?' Maybe the dog threw up in their shoes. Maybe they had an argument a few minutes ago. Maybe they had a horrible childhood and they don't know any better.”
Susan also reminds us of a truth as old as history: “usually other people's bad behavior has nothing to do with us.” And even if that doesn't justify their behavior, it helps you to stay calmer.
#7
Narwhal Blast 3 years ago
No, I would've done the same. She should've been more specific. I want ice cream.
#8
#9
Evil Hornet 3 years ago
You just need to change Your name to "Muslim" - the easiest way to live with it
The next phase when learning to deal with people you don’t find comfortable is setting boundaries and limits. “Most of the time, the best strategy is to let people's irritating behavior go. It's usually not worth your energy to confront every person who steps on your toes or annoys you. Sometimes, though, you may decide that a line has been crossed and someone's behavior has to be stopped so it doesn't have a negative effect on you.”
Susan gave a useful example: “To do that, use an XYZ statement: 'When you do X, I feel Y, and I'd like Z.' Here's what that might sound like: ‘When you criticize the reports I do, I feel angry and unhappy. I'd like to get some constructive feedback instead, if you don't like the way I'm writing them.’”
#12
Marco Conti 3 years ago (edited)
Put yourself in her shoes. She is probably posting on Reddit this very moment "Some weird guy asked me if he could pet a muffin I was holding" (I figured that "...he could pet my muffin..." would sound even weirder)
Most importantly, tone and attitude are everything! “There may be a day when you might irritate someone else—so how would you want to be spoken to? Be the change you want to see, because your actions are teaching others how you want to be treated,” the stress management coach concluded.
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#14
Samantha Lomb 3 years ago (edited)
In fairness I've never heard of wine served by the liter even in metric countries. In Russia its glass or bottle.
#17
Marco Conti 3 years ago
Reminds me of my dad when he forgot his glasses and asked my mother who the weird guy by the door was. The "weird guy" was a coat hanger in a restaurant.
#18
Mihai Mara 3 years ago
Tesco lad trying to get out of an awkward situation: "nooo, it's part of the meal deal" :D
#22
Samantha Lomb 3 years ago
Well I guess you could chat with him and see if it was the right decision
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Mihai Mara 3 years ago
The customer: "I was afraid to ask, but yes, I would like them in a bag" :) *Po-po-po-poker face po-po-poker face*
#26
Narwhal Blast 3 years ago
This is my nightmare when I go shoe shopping: that someone will try on or steal my shoes...
#27
Davo gifman 3 years ago
That's hilarious! It's almost as funny as falling down, and eating ass.🥴😁😆🤣
#30
Monday 3 years ago
You should absolutely break up with someone in a public place if there's a chance they'll turn violent. It's much safer.
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Kesam 3 years ago
In today's episode of "Places not suitable for breaking up": restaurants. Join us again for tomorrow's episode: elevators.
Nami Tantrum 3 years ago (edited)
i broke up with an ex at a restaurant... the time he wanted to propose was the time i realized i was in an abusive relationship and that i need to get out... i'm glad i was in a puplic place because he did not take it well...
Wistiti 3 years ago
Why go to a restaurant to break up? You could go to their place to do it, at least they will be in their "comfort zone" - ice creams are in reach. or if you want a neutral place, there's the park! Find a bench with a bit of cover in case the party being caught unaware needs a bit of time to gather themselves.
AnnaBanana 3 years ago
I actually agree with doing it on their turf - that way they can save some dignity by kicking you out of their house and slamming the door behind you. You won't care because you want to be rid of them and they will feel like they showed some strength and told you where to go.
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sofacushionfort 3 years ago
That’s like something out of a John Cheever story. If the 1950’s aren’t traditional enough, why not go back to the 1890s, when a gentleman always carried two handkerchiefs in case he made a lady cry, but her brother might horsewhip him on the steps of his club.
Marco Conti 3 years ago
That must have been surreal. What do you say? "Stop clapping, I just dumped her ass" and make things even worse? So she cries more, those further away think you just told everyone about your upcoming wedding and more people clap. I can see that getting out of hand, with Anderson Cooper interviews, its own YouTube channel, Oprah...
Carolee Samuda-Bailey 3 years ago (edited)
Why do people think it's okay to break up with someone in public?
Nadine Bamberger 3 years ago
That's such a cowardly move, break up in public so they won't make a scene. You deserved every bit of awkwardness.
Ozymandias73 3 years ago
Wow. Real smooth. Take her out to eat to break up with her. Class act ass clown.
Erla Zwingle 3 years ago
It was the conversation that led to the breakup soon after. Being made to cry in a restaurant for whatever reason and somehow choking back the tears is one of the worst experiences ever. Worse than the breakup. Don't do it. It's sadistic.
Jason Alexander 3 years ago
What is it with all these people saying that breakups are violent? If you have a violent break out, maybe you should rethink the type of people you are dating. The only people I broke up with that went bsc were in high school.
Cat Crazy Lady 3 years ago
What if the reason someone wants to end it is because it could get violent? Isn't that rethinking? Don't tell me you could tell me right away if someone might abuse you in the future. It can change over time and take time to see peoples "true colors".
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Sinkvenice 3 years ago
Who takes their boy/girlfriend out for dinner with the sole purpose of breaking up with them? Also, why is it being done in public in th
Sinkvenice 3 years ago
Whoops. I didn't meant to press send just yet. Why is it being done in public in the first place?? That poor woman, she must've felt beyond humiliated. I'm glad she's his ex now; purely based on this entry he sounds like an utter d**k.
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Ashley Schriber 3 years ago
One reason I don't think breaking up by email or text is so damn bad.
Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
My wife's ex broke up with her at a restaurant, and then put money on the table for the food and got up to leave. Rather than have to sit on her own, she made him sit down until she ate her meal and finished her drink. Love her!
#31
Kendra Miller 3 years ago
Librarians help a LOT of people. There is a good chance they didn't know you. They were probably ready to point you in the direction of the bathroom except you turned and left. They wouldn't have known what to do with the money so it would have been entered as a donation at the end of the day. Lastly, library accounts expire after a year and at my library are deleted after two years of inactivity, meaning no record of the original fine. It's been three years, it's time to go back and start afresh.
#32
Donkey boi 3 years ago
That's why I always make surely to cheek what I've typed before I press scent!
#39
Carsten Petersen 3 years ago
Well, if you get 59 out of 59 in a test, then you're not dumb ;-)
#40
Luther von Wolfen 3 years ago
Same thing happened to my grandmother. She thought her son (my dad) was calling from college. It was actually some other college kid trying to call his mom. They had a nice chat before they figured it out.
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Chinmayee Kalghatgi 3 years ago
When i saw the name Stan my brain.exe stopped working and i read satan
#44
Davo gifman 3 years ago
Well let's hope this story comes to mind if he ever asks you to marry him.
#49
Narwhal Blast 3 years ago
First of all, maybe they should've started with that and secondly, please learn how to phrase, no matter your position. Not taking orders seems like a good response.
#51
Apachebathmat 3 years ago (edited)
This is totally something I would have done but instead of walking out I’d have gone bright red and probably repeated myself In the hope they just understood
#53
Marco Conti 3 years ago (edited)
How was the muffin? Was someone else petting it? Did it have glass shards in it?
#57
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
Is it normal to just get into a car without actually asking if they are your ride. I have only taken an Uber twice and both times I asked if they were booked for "my name".
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Samantha Lomb 3 years ago
Poor prof. I hope he at least sent a follow up to find out about what. And its still better than the ones who email the night before the exam because they either a) missed all the classes, or b) understood nothing and think they can learn everything to pass in the next 6 hours.
#65
Zedrapazia 3 years ago
You gotta throw the plate in his heartless face, honey, he definitely deserves it.
#68
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Oh sir welcome to the dumbest human being alive group there are thousands of member!
#77
Roxy Eastland 3 years ago
I thought you were going to correct them because the idea there was a predicted end to the world in 2012 is not true anyway.
#79
Laura Mende (Human) 3 years ago
And they discuss about this process, because the man with the new heart is a convict. He stabbed lots of people. And now they discuss if he is a guinea pig for a operation nobody else ever made.
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#82
NotTodaySatan!! 3 years ago
This is confusing. If it wasn't on when they got on it, how did they run "up" a moving escalator?
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What do you think ?
Jo Choto 3 years ago
I did a FANTASTIC one this week. On Monday, I joined a new choir. For a woman, I have a deep voice and I sing tenor. We were working on a song where baritones and tenors were singing together. She wanted to be considerate of me, so she kept saying, "Gentlemen and Jo" every time, and it prompted people to look at me. I didn't want the extra attention. So after practice, I decided to let her know I was okay for her to just lump me in with the men and not call me out specifically. I put on my mask and it was quite high up near my eyes. I went over to her, not sure how to phrase my request, I reached out to touch her arm, but because my mask was up so high, I ended up grabbing her breast while saying, "It's okay, you can call me a man." My life.
Monsieur Joey 3 years ago
At work, somebody with a deep smoker voice (i don't know how to say that in english, sorry) call me and I say "What can I do for you, mister ?". The voice responded : "In fact, I'm a woman, I have throat cancer". Even 3 years after that, I feel bad.
Darcy Marie 3 years ago
At one of my old retail jobs I would occasionally answer the phone and after the normal into of hi this is my name thanks for calling this business I would either say "how can I help you?" Or "what can I do for you today?" Once I was working late and answered the phone and skipped the whole intro and blurted "HOW CAN I DO YOU?" I just handed the phone to my coworker and walked away.
Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 3 years ago
Simple and effective solution, I like it! 😂😂😂😂👍
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GirlFriday 3 years ago
I was Target last week and saw a woman holding a blanket wrapped bundle with something black peeking out and wiggling. I knew right away she had a puppy in her bundle so I ran up to her and said, "can I pet it?" She said, "What?" I said, "Can I pet?? and pointed to the bundle in her arms. I reached my hand out for scritches and at that exact moment, I realized it was a baby in a panda hat and not a puppy. I had just asked this woman if I could pet her baby. I had to abandon my cart and leave the store.
Dirk Daring 3 years ago
I was online with a chat-based customer support rep. They completely solved the problem. So at the end of the conversation, he wrote, "Have a nice day." I wrote back, "Thanks, you tool." IMMEDIATELY corrected myself, "SORRY I mean you TOO. You are not a tool!" I closed the convo window and just (⚆_⚆)
Beeps 3 years ago
I used to have to go through a customer survey with people. One question was “And how did you find us?” (ie internet search/yellow pages, friend’s recommendation, etc) and someone once answered: “yeah, you’re fine”
Kenny Kulbiski 3 years ago
5th grade and I was giving a report on aircraft manufacturers. Airplane parts came out airplane farts. In the fifth grade! Its been over 50 years but I'm pretty sure that's when my life started going to s**t.
Brenna Edgin 3 years ago
I was walking to my dad's car after school and walked up to a car and tugged the door handle the woman inside looked at me like I was a murderer I could not get away fast enough
MrsC 3 years ago
My husband hates pineapple. At a fancy dinner with my mom and in-laws, hubby picks up his fruit plate to offer me his "piece of pineapple". Instead of saying that, he said "want my penus?".
Scarlett 3 years ago
This was not a good thread to read while drinking seltzer. Anyway, I have one. My friends went on the Ferris wheel so I stood at the bottom and waved at them every time they went around (we were 12). The wheel stops and this couple in the seat right below them gets off and walks past me. I hear the girl say “Why the hell was that random kid waving at us?” That still keeps me awake at 2 in the morning.
Jason Alexander 3 years ago
If anything they should be embarrassed thinking that you were waving at them and not realizing you were probably waving at someone sitting either above or below them, tbh.
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Zophra 3 years ago
Teaching and being observed by a vice -principal. I was describing how the hydra catches its food - dramatically said "By stinging their prey and using their testicles to drag it to their mouth." Tentacles. Tentacles. Tentacles... I said it in my dreams for over a week.
McGovernor 3 years ago (edited)
First 2 weeks in a new job a few years back: 1. Wrote asministrator instead of administrator in my email signature 2. Somehow shot a staple into my thumb instead of the paper I was trying to staple. Sat there and didnt say a word as I pulled it out and had to say something when my hand was bleeding. This was in my new job at the hospital :) 3. Whilst heavily pregnant at same job I answered the phone with "happy birthday" rather than hello and stating the team name
Myth illogical 3 years ago
When I was about 4, my mum (who was a teacher) came to my school to help out my teacher with the class. She was stood behind my desk with her back to me, when I needed her help with something, so I called 'Mummy! Mummy!' a few times, but she didn't respond, so I pinched her bum (butt cheek), she exclaimed in surprise and turned around - but it wasn't my mum, it was my teacher!
Heidi 3 years ago (edited)
When I was 18, I worked in one of those one person diners you find in a random tiny town you might accidentally come across during a road trip. We hosted a lot of snow birds (people who go to AZ for the winter from cold states), so we were only open when they were in town. It was normal day, a group of 4 older people sits down at my table. They begin ordering and this man asks "what kind of potatoes do you have?" I thought about it, said I'd be right back, and ran to our walk in to see. When I got back I immediately said "We serve Idaho potatoes" and the whole table began laughing hard.. and I realized what an idiot I was.
Abby Parker 3 years ago (edited)
When I was at secondary school, my IT teacher had a lisp. While going through the class register she got to the lad sat next to me. He replied, “yesth misth.” O.O cue silence and everyone turning to look at him. I was looking at him when he said it and he closed his eyes the second he did so I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean to say it out loud 🤣
Candia Lee 3 years ago
I once lisped in my dreams and had a hard time not lisping when I woke.
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Jennifer 3 years ago
I had just recently gotten my license and saw a good friend walking down the street. Slowed down, shouted his name and asked if he needed a ride. He was smiling and friendly and not at all my friend as he got into my car. Well, I was too embarrassed to explain so I have him a ride home....awkward.
Seabeast 3 years ago (edited)
We used to have a van in a metallic beige-gold colour, very common for the model. My better half would pick me up at the train station at the end of the day in it and we'd drive home from there. One night I climbed in, started talking, then realized that the startled man facing me wasn't him. Oops. Wrong gold van.
Treessimontrees 3 years ago
My brother worked in a paint shop during the summers at school. He'd had a few people come in and ask for "striped paint" - a classic joke. A man came in and asked for Stride Paint (a brand at the time) and my brother made a *big show* of pretending to look, out loud in a mocking voice " where could it be" and putting snarky messages out on the PA system, before his boss came running over to inform the gentleman that it was on aisle 3. My brother all but medically died that day.
Higgleton 3 years ago
As a young kid I used to walk behind my mum with my head inside her jumper/top - think of a very intimate conga line. Apparently I once mistook another lady for my mum and gave her the surprise of her life. Mum ran over apologising profusely but the lady wouldn't hear it, said it was rather nice!
Jamilah toenailkilla 3 years ago
I work at a convenience chain and my coworker walks up and asks me about a product, a tube of sour candy gel. He says "do you know what this is?" I say yes. He says "Do you know where it goes?" I say "Uh yeah, it goes in your mouth." He looks at me incredulously and says "I meant what shelf does it go on." Oooooof
Agnes Jekyll 3 years ago
At an Ikea in a French town, I got to ask for the meatballs with... I forget the word for vegetables and out slides "vegetal," which, in French, means dark, organic material in soil. Server cannot stop laughing and actually crouches on the floor...still laughing.
Dawn Bodtke 3 years ago
Our local Grocery store has a CSR/Bagger that is is wheelchair bound and always grouchy. I do my best to say something cheerful. He asked me if I wanted help out with my groceries. I smailed and told him Nah, all good I've been sitting on my ass all day. I laugh/cried all the way home.
Nubis Knight 3 years ago
Remembers me at the Biker that got called over by the police... Police: "Please get out and show your papers..." Biker: "Isn't it enough if I open the Window?"
ben woskje 3 years ago
Not me, but the wife... works within and organisation with differently able children. One day, due to a typo, instead of typing "kind regards", she typed "kind retards" to a client (g and t are next to each other on the the keyboard)... i helped her setup an auto-sig shortly after.
Tenacious Squirrel 3 years ago
I love these, and the comments too. I remember a long time ago when I was a student, we had to do on-the-spot literature translations (from German to English) in front of the entire group when selected by the lecturer. I got selected and started translating something which I think was supposed to include something like "The new wave of politicians, who believed in free spirit..." and I translated it as "The new wave of politicians, who believed in free loving..." My lecturer completely cracked up and couldn't compose himself, everyone in the lecture roared with laughter, and I went bright red!
Auntriarch 3 years ago
I don't know why, it sounds like politicians to me
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Victoria Pitt 3 years ago
The time I'm up in a conference room near the customer service dept. just joking around and I yell out something like, "Yea I can walk around like I own the place!" Annnnd that's right when the company owner comes swinging around the corner in through the doorway....
nala simba 3 years ago
I was temporarily on switchboard (there was no one else), and new to the company when someone phoned, and introduced himself as "Surgeon"! OK, I have heard Doctor, Mister, but never Surgeon! Red face two minutes later, I was delaying contact with the Managing Director, and "Sir John!"
Billy Allen 3 years ago
In the early 90's I was working at a car wash, it was the last car coming through at closing time and I was at the end wiping the cars down to get the excess water off that the blowers missed. I finished wiping the car down and came around to the drivers window to send her on her way and collect a tip if one was offered. She was nice and we chatted for a moment, I glanced down and noticed that she was easily 8 months along in her pregnancy so I asked when she was due, her pleasant disposition immediately changed to that of a demon from the 9th level of hell and she floored it out of the parking lot, turns out she called my boss the next day and she was upset that I made fun of her being fat.
Dorothy Parker 3 years ago
The rule is never ask if someone is pregnant unless you see a small human emerging from their body.
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Robert Thompson 3 years ago
At a restaurant with some family. My Mom, my brother, and his husband. There was live music, it was loud. The waitress asked how we were, I said "I don't have a date" (she heard 'the onion rings are great') She replied "Good, Good" Only after the whole table just about fell on the floor laughing, did she figure out what I had said. We didn't see her for the rest of the night.
Kirsten McKay 3 years ago
I was at a friends place and their dad had someone he was mentoring over. The person who he was mentoring was out on a day pass from jail for killing someone. Now bare in mind, I was only 12 at the time and didn't know this and as their dog was barking like crazy to come back into the house I said "She just wants to come in to make sure that your not being murdered". I have never heard a house go so completely silent before before my friends mom ushered me outside and explained the situation and who and why that man was at their house.
Gabrielle Riley 3 years ago
Wednesday, I was looking for a shareable size of reeses pieces for something to snack on while at work, and asked one of the older employees that I knew somewhat well if they still carried reeses penis. . . He handed me some from a box he was unloading and shelving, looked me dead in the eye and said "Ma'am, we have these, but you have to check out tinder if you meant something else." Never gonna be able to look him in the eye again.
Corgi 3 years ago (edited)
One that happened to me, personally: Was meeting friends for a birthday lunch. Afterward, I was the last to get up. I pressed on the corner of the table to help myself up - I was the lucky millionth presser, I guess. It BROKE. I fell back into the table. I was covered in drinks, pasta, and shame. I have a picture somewhere of me wearing the salad bowl as a hat. ********** And here's one I overheard in public: I was sitting next to a mom and 4 year old in a mall eatery. Girl starts snooping through mom's bags. She discovered Victoria's Secret and held up a thong, examining it. Mom was too busy on her phone to notice until, the little girl said very loudly, "MOMMY, what's this??" Mom gasped and shoved them back in the bag, saying it was underwear. And the little girl, "Those aren't underwear. There's no butt." Mom said she knew.... by now, she's very red, fumbling for answers. The girl says, "You knew and still got them? Why would you buy broken underwear??"
Marrah 3 years ago
I was working at a convenience store and a guy comes in and asks me for job papers. I said "You mean like an application?" Blank stare...No I mean JOB papers. Rolling papers... We had a good laugh.
Cat Crazy Lady 3 years ago
Something that has happened to me multiple times. I cancel an appointment for not feeling well, they tell me to "get well!" and I answer you too. I always feel like a fool afterwards. Also have a tendency to say "good night" when people say things like good bye, good morning. =/
Julie 3 years ago
I was watching my 2 year old niece while my sister was deployed in Desert Storm. My boyfriend had a cool pocket watch and she loved it, I remember telling her it was a little clock. We had friends over and she said to my boyfriend "Uncle Jeff can I play with your little c**k?" 😖
Tenacious Squirrel 3 years ago (edited)
Just thought of another one. My partner and I were attending a wedding overseas and it was taking place in a public park. We were struggling to find the actual wedding as the park was quite large and we were just wandering around aimlessly. We only knew the bride and groom so didn't want to call them (to ask the specific location within the park/directions). We then saw a smartly dressed lady and I approached her to ask if she was attending the wedding, she said yes, and we breathed a sigh of relief as she seemed to know where she was going. We walked around the park together, talking, and then we finally entered a little building where everyone was gathered waiting for the bride/groom/couple getting married. The lady eventually asked "So how do you know Javon and Jermaine?". We were at an entirely different wedding.
Manu 3 years ago
I was saying goodbye to a group of 3 girls and one man, i kissed goodbye all the girls and, guess not to lose momentum, kissed thy guy as well
snipergun 3 years ago
I've seen this happening couple of times, in Netherlands (before Corona, right) close friends and family kiss 3 times, so after some good time that goes like this as well.
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Elizabeth Bouer 3 years ago
I lived in an apartment building when I was a kid. There was a new family that moved in, they had a kid our age. One day the was at the park (at our apt community), and other kids I knew were talking to him, etc. He quickly became a playground staple (along with he rest of us). Anyway, from that first day I heard the rest of the kids call him Fadian. They met him first, so that’s how I knew his name… So, I did as well, for months. Until one day at the pool, everyone was there, including Fadian’s mother… I proceeded to scream his name loud to get his attention (we were all playing some game in the pool or something)… and his mother looked at me with a death stare and sternly and loudly told me, “HIS NAME IS IAN!”😡 It took me a second… but I realized at that moment, the other kids weren’t calling him Fadian, they were calling him (Fat-Ian)…because the kid was over weight.🤦🏼♀️ I was screaming FAT- Ian across the pool area at an over weight kid… with his mom right there!😩😞
Jo Gabriel 3 years ago
Oh, gotcha. In the UK many people refer to them as Rizlas, because that's the brand we have here. Silly me not realising!!
Rosie_The_Homie 3 years ago (edited)
When I was waaaaaaay younger, my godfather once called me both to wish me a Happy New Year and a Happy Birthday (my birthday is on the 2nd of January) and I also wished him a happy birthday (his birthday was 5 days after mine) and I was so embarrassed that I was crying (again, I was, 8 or smth) and it took him telling a sobbing Rosie that it was alright and that I was in a way correct, for me to calm down.
Jo Choto 3 years ago
I did a FANTASTIC one this week. On Monday, I joined a new choir. For a woman, I have a deep voice and I sing tenor. We were working on a song where baritones and tenors were singing together. She wanted to be considerate of me, so she kept saying, "Gentlemen and Jo" every time, and it prompted people to look at me. I didn't want the extra attention. So after practice, I decided to let her know I was okay for her to just lump me in with the men and not call me out specifically. I put on my mask and it was quite high up near my eyes. I went over to her, not sure how to phrase my request, I reached out to touch her arm, but because my mask was up so high, I ended up grabbing her breast while saying, "It's okay, you can call me a man." My life.
Monsieur Joey 3 years ago
At work, somebody with a deep smoker voice (i don't know how to say that in english, sorry) call me and I say "What can I do for you, mister ?". The voice responded : "In fact, I'm a woman, I have throat cancer". Even 3 years after that, I feel bad.
Darcy Marie 3 years ago
At one of my old retail jobs I would occasionally answer the phone and after the normal into of hi this is my name thanks for calling this business I would either say "how can I help you?" Or "what can I do for you today?" Once I was working late and answered the phone and skipped the whole intro and blurted "HOW CAN I DO YOU?" I just handed the phone to my coworker and walked away.
Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 3 years ago
Simple and effective solution, I like it! 😂😂😂😂👍
Load More Replies... GirlFriday 3 years ago
I was Target last week and saw a woman holding a blanket wrapped bundle with something black peeking out and wiggling. I knew right away she had a puppy in her bundle so I ran up to her and said, "can I pet it?" She said, "What?" I said, "Can I pet?? and pointed to the bundle in her arms. I reached my hand out for scritches and at that exact moment, I realized it was a baby in a panda hat and not a puppy. I had just asked this woman if I could pet her baby. I had to abandon my cart and leave the store.
Dirk Daring 3 years ago
I was online with a chat-based customer support rep. They completely solved the problem. So at the end of the conversation, he wrote, "Have a nice day." I wrote back, "Thanks, you tool." IMMEDIATELY corrected myself, "SORRY I mean you TOO. You are not a tool!" I closed the convo window and just (⚆_⚆)
Beeps 3 years ago
I used to have to go through a customer survey with people. One question was “And how did you find us?” (ie internet search/yellow pages, friend’s recommendation, etc) and someone once answered: “yeah, you’re fine”
Kenny Kulbiski 3 years ago
5th grade and I was giving a report on aircraft manufacturers. Airplane parts came out airplane farts. In the fifth grade! Its been over 50 years but I'm pretty sure that's when my life started going to s**t.
Brenna Edgin 3 years ago
I was walking to my dad's car after school and walked up to a car and tugged the door handle the woman inside looked at me like I was a murderer I could not get away fast enough
MrsC 3 years ago
My husband hates pineapple. At a fancy dinner with my mom and in-laws, hubby picks up his fruit plate to offer me his "piece of pineapple". Instead of saying that, he said "want my penus?".
Scarlett 3 years ago
This was not a good thread to read while drinking seltzer. Anyway, I have one. My friends went on the Ferris wheel so I stood at the bottom and waved at them every time they went around (we were 12). The wheel stops and this couple in the seat right below them gets off and walks past me. I hear the girl say “Why the hell was that random kid waving at us?” That still keeps me awake at 2 in the morning.
Jason Alexander 3 years ago
If anything they should be embarrassed thinking that you were waving at them and not realizing you were probably waving at someone sitting either above or below them, tbh.
Load More Replies... Zophra 3 years ago
Teaching and being observed by a vice -principal. I was describing how the hydra catches its food - dramatically said "By stinging their prey and using their testicles to drag it to their mouth." Tentacles. Tentacles. Tentacles... I said it in my dreams for over a week.
McGovernor 3 years ago (edited)
First 2 weeks in a new job a few years back: 1. Wrote asministrator instead of administrator in my email signature 2. Somehow shot a staple into my thumb instead of the paper I was trying to staple. Sat there and didnt say a word as I pulled it out and had to say something when my hand was bleeding. This was in my new job at the hospital :) 3. Whilst heavily pregnant at same job I answered the phone with "happy birthday" rather than hello and stating the team name
Myth illogical 3 years ago
When I was about 4, my mum (who was a teacher) came to my school to help out my teacher with the class. She was stood behind my desk with her back to me, when I needed her help with something, so I called 'Mummy! Mummy!' a few times, but she didn't respond, so I pinched her bum (butt cheek), she exclaimed in surprise and turned around - but it wasn't my mum, it was my teacher!
Heidi 3 years ago (edited)
When I was 18, I worked in one of those one person diners you find in a random tiny town you might accidentally come across during a road trip. We hosted a lot of snow birds (people who go to AZ for the winter from cold states), so we were only open when they were in town. It was normal day, a group of 4 older people sits down at my table. They begin ordering and this man asks "what kind of potatoes do you have?" I thought about it, said I'd be right back, and ran to our walk in to see. When I got back I immediately said "We serve Idaho potatoes" and the whole table began laughing hard.. and I realized what an idiot I was.
Abby Parker 3 years ago (edited)
When I was at secondary school, my IT teacher had a lisp. While going through the class register she got to the lad sat next to me. He replied, “yesth misth.” O.O cue silence and everyone turning to look at him. I was looking at him when he said it and he closed his eyes the second he did so I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean to say it out loud 🤣
Candia Lee 3 years ago
I once lisped in my dreams and had a hard time not lisping when I woke.
Load More Replies... Jennifer 3 years ago
I had just recently gotten my license and saw a good friend walking down the street. Slowed down, shouted his name and asked if he needed a ride. He was smiling and friendly and not at all my friend as he got into my car. Well, I was too embarrassed to explain so I have him a ride home....awkward.
Seabeast 3 years ago (edited)
We used to have a van in a metallic beige-gold colour, very common for the model. My better half would pick me up at the train station at the end of the day in it and we'd drive home from there. One night I climbed in, started talking, then realized that the startled man facing me wasn't him. Oops. Wrong gold van.
Treessimontrees 3 years ago
My brother worked in a paint shop during the summers at school. He'd had a few people come in and ask for "striped paint" - a classic joke. A man came in and asked for Stride Paint (a brand at the time) and my brother made a *big show* of pretending to look, out loud in a mocking voice " where could it be" and putting snarky messages out on the PA system, before his boss came running over to inform the gentleman that it was on aisle 3. My brother all but medically died that day.
Higgleton 3 years ago
As a young kid I used to walk behind my mum with my head inside her jumper/top - think of a very intimate conga line. Apparently I once mistook another lady for my mum and gave her the surprise of her life. Mum ran over apologising profusely but the lady wouldn't hear it, said it was rather nice!
Jamilah toenailkilla 3 years ago
I work at a convenience chain and my coworker walks up and asks me about a product, a tube of sour candy gel. He says "do you know what this is?" I say yes. He says "Do you know where it goes?" I say "Uh yeah, it goes in your mouth." He looks at me incredulously and says "I meant what shelf does it go on." Oooooof
Agnes Jekyll 3 years ago
At an Ikea in a French town, I got to ask for the meatballs with... I forget the word for vegetables and out slides "vegetal," which, in French, means dark, organic material in soil. Server cannot stop laughing and actually crouches on the floor...still laughing.
Dawn Bodtke 3 years ago
Our local Grocery store has a CSR/Bagger that is is wheelchair bound and always grouchy. I do my best to say something cheerful. He asked me if I wanted help out with my groceries. I smailed and told him Nah, all good I've been sitting on my ass all day. I laugh/cried all the way home.
Nubis Knight 3 years ago
Remembers me at the Biker that got called over by the police... Police: "Please get out and show your papers..." Biker: "Isn't it enough if I open the Window?"
ben woskje 3 years ago
Not me, but the wife... works within and organisation with differently able children. One day, due to a typo, instead of typing "kind regards", she typed "kind retards" to a client (g and t are next to each other on the the keyboard)... i helped her setup an auto-sig shortly after.
Tenacious Squirrel 3 years ago
I love these, and the comments too. I remember a long time ago when I was a student, we had to do on-the-spot literature translations (from German to English) in front of the entire group when selected by the lecturer. I got selected and started translating something which I think was supposed to include something like "The new wave of politicians, who believed in free spirit..." and I translated it as "The new wave of politicians, who believed in free loving..." My lecturer completely cracked up and couldn't compose himself, everyone in the lecture roared with laughter, and I went bright red!
Auntriarch 3 years ago
I don't know why, it sounds like politicians to me
Load More Replies... Victoria Pitt 3 years ago
The time I'm up in a conference room near the customer service dept. just joking around and I yell out something like, "Yea I can walk around like I own the place!" Annnnd that's right when the company owner comes swinging around the corner in through the doorway....
nala simba 3 years ago
I was temporarily on switchboard (there was no one else), and new to the company when someone phoned, and introduced himself as "Surgeon"! OK, I have heard Doctor, Mister, but never Surgeon! Red face two minutes later, I was delaying contact with the Managing Director, and "Sir John!"
Billy Allen 3 years ago
In the early 90's I was working at a car wash, it was the last car coming through at closing time and I was at the end wiping the cars down to get the excess water off that the blowers missed. I finished wiping the car down and came around to the drivers window to send her on her way and collect a tip if one was offered. She was nice and we chatted for a moment, I glanced down and noticed that she was easily 8 months along in her pregnancy so I asked when she was due, her pleasant disposition immediately changed to that of a demon from the 9th level of hell and she floored it out of the parking lot, turns out she called my boss the next day and she was upset that I made fun of her being fat.
Dorothy Parker 3 years ago
The rule is never ask if someone is pregnant unless you see a small human emerging from their body.
Load More Replies... Robert Thompson 3 years ago
At a restaurant with some family. My Mom, my brother, and his husband. There was live music, it was loud. The waitress asked how we were, I said "I don't have a date" (she heard 'the onion rings are great') She replied "Good, Good" Only after the whole table just about fell on the floor laughing, did she figure out what I had said. We didn't see her for the rest of the night.
Kirsten McKay 3 years ago
I was at a friends place and their dad had someone he was mentoring over. The person who he was mentoring was out on a day pass from jail for killing someone. Now bare in mind, I was only 12 at the time and didn't know this and as their dog was barking like crazy to come back into the house I said "She just wants to come in to make sure that your not being murdered". I have never heard a house go so completely silent before before my friends mom ushered me outside and explained the situation and who and why that man was at their house.
Gabrielle Riley 3 years ago
Wednesday, I was looking for a shareable size of reeses pieces for something to snack on while at work, and asked one of the older employees that I knew somewhat well if they still carried reeses penis. . . He handed me some from a box he was unloading and shelving, looked me dead in the eye and said "Ma'am, we have these, but you have to check out tinder if you meant something else." Never gonna be able to look him in the eye again.
Corgi 3 years ago (edited)
One that happened to me, personally: Was meeting friends for a birthday lunch. Afterward, I was the last to get up. I pressed on the corner of the table to help myself up - I was the lucky millionth presser, I guess. It BROKE. I fell back into the table. I was covered in drinks, pasta, and shame. I have a picture somewhere of me wearing the salad bowl as a hat. ********** And here's one I overheard in public: I was sitting next to a mom and 4 year old in a mall eatery. Girl starts snooping through mom's bags. She discovered Victoria's Secret and held up a thong, examining it. Mom was too busy on her phone to notice until, the little girl said very loudly, "MOMMY, what's this??" Mom gasped and shoved them back in the bag, saying it was underwear. And the little girl, "Those aren't underwear. There's no butt." Mom said she knew.... by now, she's very red, fumbling for answers. The girl says, "You knew and still got them? Why would you buy broken underwear??"
Marrah 3 years ago
I was working at a convenience store and a guy comes in and asks me for job papers. I said "You mean like an application?" Blank stare...No I mean JOB papers. Rolling papers... We had a good laugh.
Cat Crazy Lady 3 years ago
Something that has happened to me multiple times. I cancel an appointment for not feeling well, they tell me to "get well!" and I answer you too. I always feel like a fool afterwards. Also have a tendency to say "good night" when people say things like good bye, good morning. =/
Julie 3 years ago
I was watching my 2 year old niece while my sister was deployed in Desert Storm. My boyfriend had a cool pocket watch and she loved it, I remember telling her it was a little clock. We had friends over and she said to my boyfriend "Uncle Jeff can I play with your little c**k?" 😖
Tenacious Squirrel 3 years ago (edited)
Just thought of another one. My partner and I were attending a wedding overseas and it was taking place in a public park. We were struggling to find the actual wedding as the park was quite large and we were just wandering around aimlessly. We only knew the bride and groom so didn't want to call them (to ask the specific location within the park/directions). We then saw a smartly dressed lady and I approached her to ask if she was attending the wedding, she said yes, and we breathed a sigh of relief as she seemed to know where she was going. We walked around the park together, talking, and then we finally entered a little building where everyone was gathered waiting for the bride/groom/couple getting married. The lady eventually asked "So how do you know Javon and Jermaine?". We were at an entirely different wedding.
Manu 3 years ago
I was saying goodbye to a group of 3 girls and one man, i kissed goodbye all the girls and, guess not to lose momentum, kissed thy guy as well
snipergun 3 years ago
I've seen this happening couple of times, in Netherlands (before Corona, right) close friends and family kiss 3 times, so after some good time that goes like this as well.
Load More Replies... Elizabeth Bouer 3 years ago
I lived in an apartment building when I was a kid. There was a new family that moved in, they had a kid our age. One day the was at the park (at our apt community), and other kids I knew were talking to him, etc. He quickly became a playground staple (along with he rest of us). Anyway, from that first day I heard the rest of the kids call him Fadian. They met him first, so that’s how I knew his name… So, I did as well, for months. Until one day at the pool, everyone was there, including Fadian’s mother… I proceeded to scream his name loud to get his attention (we were all playing some game in the pool or something)… and his mother looked at me with a death stare and sternly and loudly told me, “HIS NAME IS IAN!”😡 It took me a second… but I realized at that moment, the other kids weren’t calling him Fadian, they were calling him (Fat-Ian)…because the kid was over weight.🤦🏼♀️ I was screaming FAT- Ian across the pool area at an over weight kid… with his mom right there!😩😞
Jo Gabriel 3 years ago
Oh, gotcha. In the UK many people refer to them as Rizlas, because that's the brand we have here. Silly me not realising!!
Rosie_The_Homie 3 years ago (edited)
When I was waaaaaaay younger, my godfather once called me both to wish me a Happy New Year and a Happy Birthday (my birthday is on the 2nd of January) and I also wished him a happy birthday (his birthday was 5 days after mine) and I was so embarrassed that I was crying (again, I was, 8 or smth) and it took him telling a sobbing Rosie that it was alright and that I was in a way correct, for me to calm down.
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