LemmeProcrastinateThis
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250 comments
1.4K upvotes
381 points
Woo! Anxiety-filled teen, not sure what life has to bring yet. I prefer to go with the flow (like not doing a homework assignment and then seeing what my teacher says the day it's due)
Bᴜʟʟʏɪɴɢ? Tʜɪɴᴋ ʏᴏu’ ʀᴇ sᴏ ᴄᴏᴏʟ? -Tʜᴇ ɢɪʀʟ ʏᴏᴜ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴄᴀʟʟᴇᴅ ғᴀᴛ?... Sʜᴇ ɪs ᴏɴ A Diet. -Tʜᴇ ɢɪRʟ ʏᴏᴜ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴄᴀʟʟᴇᴅ ᴜɢʟʏ?... Sʜᴇ sᴘᴇɴᴅs ʜᴏᴜʀs ᴘᴜᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴍᴀᴋᴇᴜᴘ ᴏɴ ʜᴏᴘɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʜᴇʀ. -Tʜᴇ ʙᴏʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛRɪPpEd? Hᴇ ɪs ᴀʙᴜsᴇᴅ ᴇɴᴏᴜɢʜ ᴀᴛ ʜᴏᴍᴇ. -Sᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀɴ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴜɢʟʏ sᴄᴀʀs?... Hᴇ ғᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ғᴏʀ ʜɪs ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛʀʏ. -Tʜᴀᴛ ɢᴜʏ ʏOᴜ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ғᴜɴ ᴏғ ғᴏʀ ᴄʀʏɪɴɢ?... Hɪs ᴍᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ɪs ᴅʏɪɴɢ. -Pᴜᴛ ᴛʜɪs ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀ sᴛᴀᴛᴜs ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ’re ᴀɢᴀɪɴsᴛ ʙᴜʟʟʏɪɴɢ. You never know what is going on in someones life! Be careful!
LemmeProcrastinateThis • upvoted 20 items 5 months ago
OneAcanthocephala999 reply
Recently we were walking into the store right before a snowstorm, and naturally there were people hoarding cases of water into their car like it was about to be the apocalypse. My son (8, and loves math) looked at them as we were walking by and was LOUDLY asking why they needed so much water. I laughed it off, but this kid did the math of how many bottles were in each pack and how many cases they loaded into their car and was like “what are they going to do with 210 bottles of water at one time? they really couldn’t leave any for other people?” He’s not wrong but shut up 😂
KaisaTheLibrarian reply
One time I was in a changing room at a women’s clothing store with my then-two-year-old, trying on a new top. It was the type of fitting room with a curtain across the entrance that you just pull closed when you’re inside. Well, my toddler apparently got bored with watching me try on clothes, so he ripped open the curtain and ran off at top speed into the (fairly busy) store. I did not have time to think - he has always been super active and he could really move when the mood struck him, so my reflexes were to get to him and grab him as quickly as possible. So, half-naked wearing just my bra (which was not by any means a nice bra), pale and flabby because it was the winter months, I ran after him out of the changing room and across the store, loudly shouting his name (which caused all the shoppers in the immediate vicinity to turn and look). He was actually halfway out the door and into the shopping centre by the time I was able to catch him, and then I had to scuttle awkwardly back to the fitting rooms, bright red, embarrassed to within an inch of my life. Obviously, he thought - and still thinks to this day when I tell him this story - it was hilarious.
OniOdisCornukaydis reply
I had just gone to the bathroom after a big pork chop dinner at a nice restaurant. The stench was heavy on the air, but there was nothing I could do about it. The pork chops had cleared out the pipes. As I came out of the stall, a father and his young son came in and the kid shouts, “Holy cow! What the hell died in here? It stinks!” Then he makes eye contact with me in the mirror as I’m washing my hands, points, and goes “Was that YOU? Yuck!!!” I’m not easily embarrassed, and I laughed, but I have to admit, this kid had nailed me to the wall, and I *was* a little embarrassed. His dad seemed to notice that, and goes, without missing a beat, “Yeah, well Josh. When you take a c**p it doesn’t exactly smell like flowers either.“ Wherever that guy is, I salute you. Dads of the world unite.
dave_hitz reply
When my daughter was 2, we went on a long flight. At one point, a flight attendant was near, and my daughter looked up and said, "Piece of a*s!" The flight attendant gave me (father) the worst look! Like, I think she assumed that my daughter was repeating something that she had heard me say. What I knew, however, was that my daughter had a bit of a funny accent when pronouncing certain words, and I explained to the flight attendant, "She would like a piece of *ice*. Ice." I don't think she believed me, but she put some ice in a cup and handed it to my daughter who happily looked at it and said, "A*s! A*s!" At that, the flight attendant stated laughing and forgave me.Show All 20 Upvotes
LemmeProcrastinateThis • commented on 4 posts 6 months ago
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LemmeProcrastinateThis • upvoted 20 items 5 months ago
Perfect Slices With The Original Bagel Guillotine - Your Safety, And Bagels, Our Priority! (Just Don't Lose Your Head Over It)
OneAcanthocephala999 reply
Recently we were walking into the store right before a snowstorm, and naturally there were people hoarding cases of water into their car like it was about to be the apocalypse. My son (8, and loves math) looked at them as we were walking by and was LOUDLY asking why they needed so much water. I laughed it off, but this kid did the math of how many bottles were in each pack and how many cases they loaded into their car and was like “what are they going to do with 210 bottles of water at one time? they really couldn’t leave any for other people?” He’s not wrong but shut up 😂dave_hitz reply
When my daughter was 2, we went on a long flight. At one point, a flight attendant was near, and my daughter looked up and said, "Piece of a*s!" The flight attendant gave me (father) the worst look! Like, I think she assumed that my daughter was repeating something that she had heard me say. What I knew, however, was that my daughter had a bit of a funny accent when pronouncing certain words, and I explained to the flight attendant, "She would like a piece of *ice*. Ice." I don't think she believed me, but she put some ice in a cup and handed it to my daughter who happily looked at it and said, "A*s! A*s!" At that, the flight attendant stated laughing and forgave me.KaisaTheLibrarian reply
One time I was in a changing room at a women’s clothing store with my then-two-year-old, trying on a new top. It was the type of fitting room with a curtain across the entrance that you just pull closed when you’re inside. Well, my toddler apparently got bored with watching me try on clothes, so he ripped open the curtain and ran off at top speed into the (fairly busy) store. I did not have time to think - he has always been super active and he could really move when the mood struck him, so my reflexes were to get to him and grab him as quickly as possible. So, half-naked wearing just my bra (which was not by any means a nice bra), pale and flabby because it was the winter months, I ran after him out of the changing room and across the store, loudly shouting his name (which caused all the shoppers in the immediate vicinity to turn and look). He was actually halfway out the door and into the shopping centre by the time I was able to catch him, and then I had to scuttle awkwardly back to the fitting rooms, bright red, embarrassed to within an inch of my life. Obviously, he thought - and still thinks to this day when I tell him this story - it was hilarious.OniOdisCornukaydis reply
I had just gone to the bathroom after a big pork chop dinner at a nice restaurant. The stench was heavy on the air, but there was nothing I could do about it. The pork chops had cleared out the pipes. As I came out of the stall, a father and his young son came in and the kid shouts, “Holy cow! What the hell died in here? It stinks!” Then he makes eye contact with me in the mirror as I’m washing my hands, points, and goes “Was that YOU? Yuck!!!” I’m not easily embarrassed, and I laughed, but I have to admit, this kid had nailed me to the wall, and I *was* a little embarrassed. His dad seemed to notice that, and goes, without missing a beat, “Yeah, well Josh. When you take a c**p it doesn’t exactly smell like flowers either.“ Wherever that guy is, I salute you. Dads of the world unite. LemmeProcrastinateThis • is following 2 people
